What SHOULD have Happened in AtLA
by daveshan
Summary: Get your bellies ready to laugh and your palms to smack your faces as you realize all the drastic and horribly illogical events that took place in the AtLA world. I guarantee you'll never watch an episode the same way when you're done with this.  Successfully updated on every Friday since conception.
1. Prologue

After going through this ridiculous series one more time, I've discovered an innumerable amount of events and plot points that make absolutely no sense on a multiple of levels.

Seriously, the stupidity needed to miss these inconsistencies and head scratchers made me wonder how I didn't catch them in the first place. If you don't know what I mean, you'll see soon enough and be smacking yourself out of pure hatred of your inability to put two and two together.

So, if you're ready to drop your jaw, give yourself a facepalm, and, most of all, laugh, get ready to find out what SHOULD have happened in Avatar the Last Airbender.


	2. Book 1: Chapter 1 & 2

What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 1 & 2

* * *

><p>As he lay against a mound of ice, Aang struggled to keep his eyes open. "I need to ask you something…"<p>

"What?" A dark skinned girl in a blue parka knelt in front of him as she spoke.

"Please… come closer…"

"What is it?"

Aang's eyes shot open and a smile beamed across his face. "Will you go penguin sledding with me?"

The girl jerked back. "Uh… sure. I guess…"

The air nomad then summoned a gust of air to bring him to his feet as a dark-skinned boy with a spear staggered back and gasped. "What's going on here?" He glanced around.

The other boy scowled at him. "You tell us! How'd you get in the ice?" He poked Aang with his spear. "And why aren't you frozen?"

Aang gently knocked the weapon aside. "I'm not sure." The air nomad glanced around a bit before shrugging his shoulders. "But I better check on Appa." He then started climbing the ice behind him.

When the boy in orange smiled and leapt from the top of the ice, the girl glanced at the boy with a spear. "What's an 'appa'?" She saw him shrug.

"I'm still trying to figure out who he-."

"SPIRITS NO!"

Aang's shriek caused the two teens to jump before hurrying after him. As soon as they reached the top of the clump of ice, they saw the young air nomad on his knees crying hysterically in front of a giant grey animal.

The girl quickly slid down the frozen hill and to the little boy's side. "What's wrong? What is it?"

"I… It's m… my bison. H… He's… DEAD!" Aang's cries echoed across the frozen land.

The other boy, meanwhile, scratched his head as he slowly made his way down the small hill. "Well, yeah. I mean... That's why I was asking why you weren't frozen. If something gets incased in ice, they stop… you know… breathing. Even if the air that blasted out of the ice kept it in some vacuum that kept it preserved, you're still looking at horrible amounts of organ failure due to them just shutting down 'cause they aren't being used. See, with that weird light and those glowing arrows, I figured you might have some trick or something for staying alive. Maybe a sort of magic that doesn't make a lick of sense. But that doesn't mean your animal friend has that. Especially if he was underwater when it happened and got water in his lungs."

The boy with the spear then smiled as he looked at the enormous beast. "On the plus side, the ice kept it perfectly preserved."

Aang sniffled and looked up at him. "S… So…?"

The boy cracked his knuckles. "So, I know what the village is eating for the next month."

* * *

><p>Zuko stood on the deck of his iron ship, staring down two armored fire benders as his uncle looked on.<p>

Calmly, Iroh spoke from his small seat. "Again."

The fire prince dropped into a weak stance and blasted flames at both soldiers.

The armored figures ducked and returned fire of their own; fire that Zuko nimbly jumped over as he blasted his opponents again.

All three then stopped as Zuko stood still with arms extended.

Several yards away, Iroh sighed and rose to his feet. "No. Power in fire bending comes from the breath." He gestured with his arms. "Not the muscles."

The old man lowered his arms. "The breath becomes energy in the body. The energy extends past your limbs and becomes fire!" He drew back an arm and punched out a strong flame that stopped exactly in front of his nephew. Iroh then rested both hands on his hips. "Get it right this time."

Zuko scowled at his uncle. "Enough." He marched over to the older fire bender until he stood two feet in front of his face. "I have been drilling under you _for three years_! THREE $%^-ING YEARS! How do I not know basics yet?"

Iroh's eyes shot open. "My nephew… What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have been getting private lessons from the Dragon of the $%^-ing West for three years, yet, somehow, I don't know the simplest aspect of fire bending!" The prince threw his hands into the air. "Seriously! You're probably the greatest general in the world! You're one of the best fire benders of all time! How is it that you can have private lessons for _just one person _for _three years _without them knowing THE BASICS?"

Zuko glared into his uncle's eyes. "It's not like I lack motivation! Anyone who's known me for five seconds could tell you that! So, why, Uncle? Why and how are you such an incompetent teacher that a driven-to-death student that you've privately and personally trained for THREE YEARS isn't so amazingly proficient that he could count the number of people in the world who are better than him on one hand and still have fingers left over? Hmm? Why hasn't he grasped the basics?"

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! __He's on to me._

* * *

><p>Aang stood strong in the center of Katara and Sokka's village as snow melted off Zuko's head and armor. "Looking for me?"<p>

The fire prince stared at the child. "You're the air bender? _You're _the avatar?"

Katara's eyes widened. "Aang?"

Sokka's jaw dropped. "No way."

As the villagers slid back, Zuko and his foe began circling each other. "I've spent years preparing for this encounter. Training. Meditating." The prince sneered. "You're just a _child_!"

Aang raised an eyebrow. "Well, you're just a teenager."

Zuko snarled and built a wave of fire that he launched at the boy.

However, with merely a flick of his wrist, Aang deflected the attacks with strong gusts of air.

"Huh?" Zuko blinked twice. He then snarled and let loose one ball of flames after another, all of which his foe cast aside without breaking a sweat or flinching.

The air nomad calmly eyed his aggressor. "So… are you done or is there more?"

The prince bared his teeth as he charged up a massive force of burning energy. "I'll show you more… RIGHT HERE!" He thrust both arms forward and unleashed a large blast of fire.

Aang could here Katara shriek as Sokka cried out. The nomad, however, simply waved his arms and created a torrent of air, which guided the flames up and away from him. He then let out a huff and stared at Zuko. "Ok, we're done here."

"No! We aren't!"

"Yes, we are. Look, I don't know what you have against me, but I'm a master air bender. A _master_ air bender. You can't even do basic fire bending the right way." The Avatar watched his opponent scowl. "Give me all the dirty looks you want, but, honestly, unless air benders have ludicrously low standards for the title of master or air bending is a completely useless style of martial arts that couldn't threaten anyone in any way, shape, or form, you don't have a chance."

Zuko dropped his scowl and looked at his feet. "By spirits… You're right!" He looked up at the air nomad. "I've screwed up royally!" He looked around at his men. "I only brought half-a-dozen soldiers out to help me battle someone who I thought was the god-like master of all the elements! I didn't even bring my uncle and he's the Dragon of the West! What? Did I think he couldn't do anything to help me?"

The prince groaned. "I don't care how head-strong I act. No one could be so stupid that they wouldn't bring every single man, woman, and child they had with them to battle a fully trained avatar. And if they'd spent YEARS PREPARING FOR THIS ENCOUNTER, they certainly would have gotten everyone aboard their ship to drill for it too, if they were going to have anyone come with them at all."

Iroh's nephew clutched his scalp as he shook his head. "I just hope that, if anyone ever tells a story about this, they don't make me look this dumb."

Aang smiled. "Hey, no sweat there. If anybody did make our lives into a story, they wouldn't _possibly_ think that you'd make that stupid of a move. Even if you told them you did." He let a loud laugh leave his belly. "The only way they could make that work in their story is if they had me be some weakling, despite the fact that I'm a super-charged master of a style that manipulates nature."

Zuko nodded as he simpered. "Yeah, good point. Guess I can relax there. 'Cause, if anyone ever did that, I'd say their storytelling would make my planning look like the move of a grand chess master." A sigh escaped his lips. "Well, I'll see you around. Maybe when I come up with something that a four year old wouldn't look at me like I'm an idiot for."

As the prince led his men back to the ship, Aang politely waved. "See ya."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope everyone enjoyed reading this. I've got things planned for every episode, which means there are plenty of laughs to come.**


	3. Book 1: Chapter 3

_Man, I love you guys. So many people have favorited this story, subscribed to this story, and even read a few of my old fics after checking this out. Well, you'll all be happy to know that this IS a continuing series that will cover the entire length of all three seasons. That being said, let's find out what SHOULD have happened in The Southern Air Temple._

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 3<strong>

With his uncle only steps behind him, Zuko marched down the plank of his steel ship and onto a concrete harbor. As his boat lay docked in a row of much larger water-fairing vessels, the fire prince kept his eyes forward and his body tense. "Uncle, I want the repairs made as quickly as possible. I don't want to stay too long and risk losing his trail."

Iroh followed his nephew off the metal walkway. "You mean the avatar?"

The scarred boy immediately spun around and stared at his senior. "No, Uncle, I mean the dolphin-whale that passed by our boat three weeks ago. He was such an _amazing _and _spectacular _creature that I can't wait to feast my eyes on- OF COURSE THAT'S WHO I MEAN!"

The prince glared at the general. "Now keep quiet. I don't want anyone getting in the way of this." At that moment, the voice of a middle-aged man reached the teenager's ear.

"Getting in the way of what, Prince Zuko?"

The two fire benders turned to see a man with brown hair and thick side burns walking towards them as his hands lay clasped behind his back.

Zuko crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "_Captain Zhao…_"

"It's 'Commander' now." Zhao lightly bowed to the Dragon of the West. "And General Iroh, great hero of our nation."

Iroh gave a lighter bow in return. "_Retired_ general."

The fire navy commander stood up straight. "The fire lord's brother and son are welcome guests any time. What brings you to my harbor?"

Zuko's uncle gestured towards their vessel. "Our ship is being repaired."

"That's quite a bit of damage."

The prince nodded and raised a finger. "Yes, you wouldn't believe what happened." He dropped his arms to his side and glanced at Iroh. "Uncle, tell Commander Zhao what happened."

Iroh's eyes widened. He then raised a finger to his lips. "Yes, I will do that." His hands and eyes lifted towards the sky. "It was incredible!" He leaned over to Zuko. "What... did we crash or something?"

Zuko perked up. "Yes…" His eyes darted left about. "Right into… an Earth Kingdom ship."

The navy commander narrowed his eyes. "Really?" He relaxed his stare. "You must regale me with all the thrilling details." Zhao then grew a sly smile as he leaned over the young prince. "Join me for a drink?"

The fire lord's son scowled. "Sorry, but we have to go." He turned away and began walking off, but his uncle's hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Prince Zuko, show Commander Zhao your respect." Iroh removed his hand and faced Zhao. "We would be honored to join you. Do you have any ginseng tea?" He started walking towards the harbor. "It's my favorite."

While Zhao grinned and led the retired general, Zuko cringed and snarled as fire shot out of his hands. The prince then hurried after his seniors and when he caught up with them, he grabbed the back of his uncle's collar. "A word, Uncle? Please excuse us, _Commander_ Zhao."

Before the naval officer could reply, Iroh felt himself being pulled several yards away. He then found his scowling nephew's face who leaning right next to his ear. "Something wrong, Prince Zuko?"

"Something's wrong, alright. Like how I had to come up with 'crashed into and Earth Kingdom ship' and how you _want_ me to spend time with someone who's onto us. Aren't _you_ the one who's supposed to think things through? Aren't _I_ supposed to be the short-sighted one?"

Zuko pulled back and threw his hands up into the air. "Now we have to spend tea time with this guy instead of watching the ship to make sure the crew doesn't let something spill! Why didn't you realize this, Uncle? How hard is it for a master tactician general, who plays a board game that you need to think a hundred moves ahead in, to figure 'Hmm… MAYBE I should plan a good excuse for our ship's damage, because, MAYBE if any Fire Nation soldiers realize the avatar is still alive, they MIGHT try to beat my nephew to the punch and MAYBE I shouldn't wanna spend time with the one guy in the whole navy that _really_ wants to stick it to SAID NEPHEW'?"

The prince dropped his arms. "Well? Did _any_ of those thoughts enter your thinking-things-through head?"

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! He's on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang watched the ball bounce off wood pillars and laughed from atop one as the ball slammed Sokka through a target zone. He then smiled and raised seven fingers. "Aang: seven…" With his grin growing wider, he made an 'O' with his hands and a circle with his arms. "…Sokka: zero."<p>

Down on the ground, the Water Tribe boy pushed himself up from some shrubs. "Making him feel better is... turning him into a dick!"

Next to her brother, Katara nodded and then looked up at the nomad. "Hey, Aang, don't you think you owe my brother an apology?"

"Huh? For what?"

"Well, you're kinda playing him at a game that A: You're an expert at. B: He's never heard of. C: Requires a power that he doesn't have. It kinda makes you look like an ass when you boast about beating him."

Aang's eyes widened and he immediately jumped down. "Oh… WOW! I didn't even think about that." He hurried over to his friend and bowed low. "Sokka, I am so sorry."

Sokka waved his hand and smiled, however, before he could speak, he saw the helmet of a fire nation soldier lying in the snow. "Katara," he kept his voice low. "…check that out.

Hakoda's daughter whispered, "Fire Nation."

"We should tell him."

The Avatar perked up. "Tell me what?"

Katara took a deep breath. "Aang, there's something you need to know."

"Okay!"

"Your people were morons."

The young boy blinked twice. "What?"

The dark-skinned boy tsked. "Yeah, see, I don't think the Fire Nation killed off your people as much as Darwinism did."

"What are you guys talking about?"

Sokka's sister huffed. "Well, before we jump the gun, how many sky bison were at any give temple at any given time?"

"Oh, a bunch. You couldn't look in the air for six seconds without seeing twenty of them."

"Ok… And were a large portion of the full-grown ones able to carry people like Appa is?"

"Yup, yup. Like I said, the only way to get to an Air Temple is with a sky bison."

Katara's brother nodded. "And that's why your people were stupid as #`*&."

The last air bender raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Aang, look around you! Did you notice anything on the way up here?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, no."

The water bender shook her head. "He means: The impossibly steep and enormous mountain slopes that anyone without a sky bison would have to climb!" She pointed to the Fire Nation helmet. "Look! Do you _see_ the armor they were wearing? Your people sat on their asses and hung around the temple as people with black and red armor took what WEEKS to get up here!"

"Are you saying the Fire Nation killed my people?" Aang started to tear up.

"No, Aang, we're saying blatant stupidity of epic proportions killed your people! I mean, how hard would it be to jump on to one of many flying beasts of burden and flee the temple? Just look around!" Katara gestured towards the mountains in the distance. "They wouldn't even have had to go that far! Just one mountain over and it would take, like, four months for the Fire Nation to get to them again!"

Sokka nodded. "Yeah, seriously! Just a few rations and BAM! Your people would be good for a week, then fly somewhere else!"

The Avatar trembled. "B… But… couldn't the Fire Nation soldiers have been able to fly? You talked about a comet. Couldn't that have given them the ability to create a massive propulsion with their fire bending?"

The Water Tribe siblings looked at each other and Katara groaned. "Aang, you're talking about something that _maybe_ the most elite of elite of elite fire benders could do. Honestly, if that were easy to come by, we'd see A LOT of them using that technique."

Sokka shrugged. "Yeah, I figure that one, maybe two, could do that." He then turned towards the air bender. "Sorry, buddy, your people were just ridiculously stupid. There's _no other way_ the Fire Nation could have made it up here and killed all of them."

Aang snapped his fingers. "Wait. What if the Fire Nation put benders who were expert marksmen or people who were really good with bows and arrows in a perimeter on the mountain tops around the temples AND THEN had their troops climb the mountain! You know, so they could pick off anyone trying to flee!"

Katara rolled her eyes. "Aang, that makes even LESS sense. No matter how much the comet juiced up fire bending, it wouldn't have made it powerful enough to keep it strong at the distance between pretty much any two mountain peaks. Even if you put a handful of them at a mountain top it still wouldn't be enough!"

"How do you know that?"

The dark-haired boy groaned, grabbed the top of Aang's head, and turned it towards the temple's main structure. "Tell me, what do see right now?"

"Is… it the air temple?"

"Good boy. Now, what do you not see?"

"Ummm…."

"What you _don't_ see is MELTED STONE OR ANY SIGN OF IT!" Sokka released the boy's head. "Look, I've never done experiments with magically-created fire, so I don't know what properties it has normally, much less when it's super-charged by a comet. But, if that fire could be _right here_ and NOT MELT STONE, there's no way it could be hot enough to hurt someone from a large distance unless you had waves and waves and waves of it. And so help me, Aang, if you say that the soldiers cared about damaging the structures as they were committing mass genocide, I'll stab you repeatedly!"

"But… Katara… Sokka… don't you see? They probably did have waves and waves of soldiers to make that perimeter! And those people wouldn't have to wear armor! If they timed it right, everyone would be right in place when the comet came."

Hakoda's daughter pinched the brow of her nose. "Then we're still right back to sitting on their asses as people climb up in full armor for weeks and weeks."

"Maybe… they didn't think they were bad?"

"AANG, THEIR HELMETS HAVE SKULLS ON THEM! SKULLS! NO ONE WHO WEARS A SKULL AS PART OF THEIR UNIFORM IS ANYTHING BUT EVIL!"

Sokka just laughed. "Yeah. That gets to a level of stupidity where the Fire Nation did the world a favor by getting rid of these guys."

The bald boy cringed. "Well, there's still the perimeter… and maybe the soldiers climbing the mountain only moved up at night." He lightly shrugged. "If they did that, they'd catch everyone by surprise and no one'd be ready for it."

Once again, Hakoda's son shook his head. "Aang, look at the mountain slope. Do you _see_ any caves or holes or any place the Fire Nation could have used as cover more than three people during the day? Remember the big, clunky armor? It would have had to be a straight climb."

"Well… well aren't you forgetting something else? My people don't kill. How were we supposed to get rid of them?"

Katara raised an eyebrow. "'Don't kill?' What are you, nuts? I mean, yeah, you guys probably didn't advocate killing or relish in it, but I'm pretty sure when innocent lives are on the line, even your best monk rolled up his sleeves and took a few down with him."

Sokka chuckled once more. "Yeah, Aang, it's not like any of the Fire Nation corpses here are from old age. Face it, the Air Nomads were the dumbest people ever."

The Avatar's teary eyes narrowed as he growled. "Yeah! Well… How were they supposed to get rid of 'em, huh? How?"

"Easy!" The siblings said in unison.

The Water Tribe boy crossed his arms. "The comet only stays close for about a day. So, like we said, the plan would have to be extremely coordinated at EVERY AIR TEMPLE ON EARTH! And, as we said, it would take WEEKS to climb these mountains in full armor."

Katara nodded. "Plus supplies for while they were climbing."

"Good point. So, armor, plus supplies equals a slow and cautious climb."

Aang crossed his own arms. "So how were they supposed to get rid of them?"

The two spoke in unison once more. "THROW THINGS AT THEM!"

Sokka groaned. "Even if they didn't see them for like fifty yards, all they'd have to do is chuck a bunch of rocks at them. The acceleration from gravity would've made the force of the impact on the soldiers enormous. And there's no way the soldiers could offer any resistance to even a hand full of stones since their fire couldn't melt it and it was such a treacherous climb. Heck, if the nomads threw a chair it could kill one of soldiers by the time it hit and YOU'RE STILL NOT ACCOUNTING FOR WHY THEY DIDN'T FLEE ON SKY BISON!"

"Wh… What if the Fire Nation caught sky bison and made them carry them?"

"Aang, if that happened: A) Why didn't they keep breeding sky bison and have sky bison today? B) How many of the bison captured could be tortured and threatened enough that they would _bring_ enemies up here? C) How many of _those_ wouldn't just turn upside down in mid-air and drop them to their doom while the bison flew to the temple? D) How many of _those_ that could carry a whole army back and forth? Appa can _maybe_ carry eight people without armor. But if their going to wear armor like Zuko's guys, you're looking at five people tops. Then subtract the one that has to stay with the bison to… DUH… steer it!"

Sokka's sister shrugged. "Yeah, anyone could see an army gathering that slowly on such little terrain as this from a mile away."

"So… Everyone was a moron for being killed?"

"No, not a couple people for being killed. But the fact that none of them figure out how to get away, yeah, they're #`*&-heads."

Hakoda's daughter then felt a shiver as the Avatar slumped down and began to cry. "I'm sorry, Aang. I really am." She put a hand on his shoulder. "But your people basically stood still while being massacred when they had an easy and obvious way to flee, thereby establishing that they were the dumbest creatures existence has ever produced, and, therefore, deserved to die so that their stupidity could not pollute the rest of society nor the human gene pool."

A long whimper left the bald boy's throat. But, a moment later, he perked up. "Wait a minute, I thought of something!"

The Water Tribe boy raised an eyebrow. "Another reason the genocide 'should have worked'?"

"No, not that!" Aang jumped to his feet and smiled. "When I left the temple, things were going on that I _really_ didn't like! It was no mass genocide, but still, I had the sense to leave a place on a flying beast of burden when things were not going well for me!"

Katara smiled. "That's wonderful!"

Sokka chuckled. "Hey, who'd've thunk it? This kid's the Avatar _and_ the evolution of Air Nomad intellect!"

The last air bender wiped his eyes as he smiled. "Can you all do me a favor, though?"

"Whatever you need, buddy."

"When we're telling our life stories… let's fudge things a little so it makes sense why the Fire Nation got up here so easily."

The water bender nodded. "Ok, how do we do that?"

The Avatar tsked. "Duh! Just don't tell anyone there was armor up here."

"Oh, I see! Yeah, just a _tiny_ and _simple_ change like that to the story that we will tell, easily explains that the Air Nomads wouldn't have thought much of a bunch of Fire Benders asking to come up here as a tour group."

Sokka's eyes widened as his smile grew. "WOW, AANG! THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!"

"Thanks, guys, but here's the thing we also have to leave out. Before I left the temple, one of the monks told me about bad omens that were around. So, we can't let people know that the Nomads knew to be on their guard. They'd never let an enormous group up with omens like that going on."

Katara snorted. "They were having premonitions about this stuff too? Wow, it's as though whatever spirits are responsible for the way things are in this universe specifically wrote this part of the story of the world so that it MADE NO SENSE AT ALL!" Her brother than gave a light wave.

"Oh, come on, sis. No one could make a story _that bad_."

Aang laughed. "Yeah, people'll believe our story _just_ for that reason."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Commander Zhao's tent Zuko and Iroh sat across from each other as the naval commander stepped inside.<p>

"My search party is ready. Once I am out to sea, my guards will escort you back to your ship and you'll be free to go."

Zuko turned towards the middle-aged officer. "Why? Are you afraid I'm going to try and stop you?"

Zhao laughed. "You? Stop me? Impossible."

The prince shot up. "Don't underestimate me, Zhao! I _will _capture the Avatar before you!"

Iroh rose. "Prince Zuko, that's enough!"

The commander glared at the scarred boy. "You can't compete with me. I have hundreds of warships under my command." He gestured outward with his arm. "And you... you're just a banished prince. No home. No allies. Your own father doesn't even want you."

Zuko glared back. "You're wrong! Once I deliver the Avatar to my father he will welcome me home with honor and restore my rightful place on the throne."

"If your father really wanted you home, he'd have let you return by now. Avatar or no Avatar. But in his eyes, you are a failure and a disgrace to the Fire Nation."

"So why are you being such an asshole to me?"

Zhao blinked twice. "What?"

The prince relaxed his posture but stood tall. "You heard me. It's clear you're a power-driven man. But you don't come off as stupid."

"Well… thanks. I think?"

"What I mean is, why are you trying to stop me instead of helping me? Think for a moment. Think about who you are and who my father is. You're an officer in the navy. No matter how high up you get in my father's court, A) You'll never have his full respect. B) There'll be people already high up that you have to contend with. C) If you _do_ capture the Avatar, everyone involved will try to claim the bulk of the credit to my father and try to steal your glory."

Zhao rubbed his chin. "Hmm… Yeah… I guess." He then pointed at Zuko. "But it's still better than letting you get all the glory."

Zuko huffed. "The glory, yeah. But think about the reward." He saw the commander's eyebrows lift up. "If you help me catch the Avatar in my greatest time of need _and_ help restore my place on the throne, you'd be my favored officer and my honor would put me into so much debt to you. Not only would I make sure my father knew you helped me, thus giving you at least half of the credit, I'd also get you promoted whenever I could. Plus, when I become fire lord and establish my own court, the only person who'd be higher than you in it would be me and my uncle. And that's _if_ my uncle is still alive at the time.

"But, if you go against me, and I catch him first, I'd instantly have you put to death for what you're doing. Or at least demoted to stable boy." The prince dropped his arms to his sides. "So, which will it be? Some high place that everyone is going to stab you in the back for; or third, maybe second, in command of _the_ _entire Fire Nation_."

The naval officer dropped his jaw. "Wow… Wow! I was really stupid just now, wasn't I?" He put his hand on his balding scalp. "I mean, holy crap, I almost made, like, the DUMBEST mistake of my life. Really, if I had followed through with what I was about to do… I would have to be the most _incompetent _person in history."

Zhao immediately let go of his head and bowed down to Zuko. "My prince, I offer you my most sincere and humblest apologies and I thank you so much for showing me the error of my ways. What I did was a _stupid, idiotic, and nonsensical _move and I am eager to make it up to you!"

The scarred boy smiled and nodded. "You are forgiven, Commander Zhao. Now, rise and let us discuss our search tactics…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Aang leapt at the lemur, the small rodent dashed away and left the nomad to hit the ground. He then saw the white creature run between a through an opening in a large piece of torn purple fabric. "Hey, come back!"<p>

The Avatar smiled and followed the tailed animal past the cloth. "Come on out, little lemur. That hungry guy isn't going to bother you any more." He walked up to another curtain and pulled it aside.

A gasp left the young boy's lips as he saw the corpses of over three dozen Fire Nation soldiers and their armor. "Fire benders…" In the middle, he saw a skeleton draped in Air Nomad attire. "… they were here?" Quickly, the Avatar stepped into the room and his entire vision centered on the dead nomad.

Then Aang saw his mentor's wooden pendant around the air bender's neck. "Gyatso… Oh..." The boy dropped to his knees.

At that moment, Sokka stepped through the curtain with a smile on his face. "Hey, Aang, you find my dinner yet?" His grin dropped when he saw the monk cringing and moaning on the floor. "A… Aang, I wasn't really going to eat the lemur. Ok?"

The Water Tribe boy shook his head and dropped his jaw when he looked past the crying Avatar. "Oh, man." As he took in the sight of the air bender wearing Monk Gyatso's wood pendant.

"Aang…" Sokka then perked up and pointed at the corpse. "How'd that wooden necklace _not_ get incinerated by the fi-?"

Suddenly, the Avatar's body glowed and a massive wind erupted.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep in the heart of the Southern Air Temple, the eyes of a thousand statues began to glow.<p>

Within the Earth Kingdom, the pupils of five figures in a mural illuminated and a man in green gasped.

On a frozen land, the spire above a sanctuary shined across the tundra.

At the top of the highest mountain of a Fire Nation island, an old man in red robes turned to another as an entire room became filled with blinding light. "Send word to the fire lord immediately! The Avatar _has_ returned."

The other man gasped and started to run, but before he took two steps, he stopped and froze.

The first clenched his fists. "What are you doing? Why aren't you hurrying?"

The second one turned around, scratching the back of his head. "Do you remember what we were doing a week ago from today?"

"What kind of drabble is this? We were performing our sagely duties! Now, go!"

"Hang on, hang on." The second sage held his arms out. "Was anyone up here watching this room that could have not seen the light if it happened a in the past seven days?"

"Ugh. Are you stupid or something? No one could miss this light if they were in a coma!"

"That's what I thought. But, thing is… I have the _weirdest_ intuition that this should've happened about a week ago."

The first sage blinked twice. "What?"

"I know. I know. It sounds crazy. But I have this strange feeling that tells me that, whatever caused this light, also happened a week ago and in the South Pole. Ergo, we should've done this already."

"That's an oddly specific intuition."

"It is, isn't it? Especially because it's also telling me that it happened after the Avatar fought Prince Zuko aboard his ship and got knocked into the water."

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight: You think that the Avatar activated the power of his or her previous lives a week ago, when a battle with the banished prince forced him into a state of such need, but nothing happened here at the temple?"

"Yup."

Just then, a third sage turned the corner. "Hey, I heard what you guys were talking about and I gotta tell ya, I agree with his intuition."

The first's eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah, I had a similar one about a week ago, except it wasn't after a battle with Prince Zuko, it told me that the Avatar had just come out of a giant ice prison of some sort. However, since there was no glowing here, I just ignored it."

A fourth sage stepped out of a nearby doorway. "Really? 'Cause my grandfather, who was a sage, my father, who was a sage, and I have all been having this feeling for a total of hundred years _until_ about a week ago. As though the Avatar's power was constantly being called upon, but the Avatar himself or herself was in a state of suspended animation. But, since the temple wasn't glowing, none of us really paid it any mind."

A snarl came out of the first sage's throat as he stomped on the floor. "ENOUGH!" He glared at his fellow priests. "Are you three telling me that we should tell the fire lord about an important event that is happening, but _should have happened twice last week and __maybe even__ for the past hundred years_?" His teeth grinded against each other as the others nodded.

"You three are morons! That is an insane thought! To think that our statue and the statues and murals of temples all across the world wouldn't activate is just ridiculous! If we submitted a report to Fire Lord Ozai that included that, he would think we were spewing a load of tiger-bull#`*& that equated to a story with A PLOT HOLE SO ENORMOUS, YOU COULD THROW BA SING SE INTO IT!"

The third sage staggered back. "Whoa, whoa. He wouldn't think that."

"And why not?"

"Because no storyteller would be so bad that they wouldn't recognize that _glaring problem in continuity_. He'd have to accept that you're telling the truth."

The first sage immediately calmed down. "Huh... You're right. No one could put ink to paper, take one proofread over it, and think _that _made _any sense_ what-so-ever." He folded his hands behind his back and turned towards the second sage. "Still, please hurry and send word to the fire lord."

The second sage nodded. "Will do."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you guys love this one as much as I loved writing it. So much of this story makes no sense, I'm cracking myself up with the reactions I give the characters.**

**And now for review replies.**

**Chalayyy: :D About Appa being able to survive, Mike and Bryan've said that the avatar state kept Aang alive and saved him from the dangers of being frozen. They've actually never mentioned Appa.**

**Ramoth Gilead: I like your thinking, but Azulon's age, while a stretch, could work. Zuko was about 17 when the comet arrived and 7 when Ozai was made fire lord. That's 10 of 100 years accounted for. Then you have Sozin who lived for somewhere between 5 and 10 years after the comet arrived and he (somehow) killed all the Air Nomads. That's 15-20 years. That leaves you with 80-85 years for Azulon to rule. Since there's no minimum age that we know of for fire lords to take the throne (Azula was ~15 at the finale), we don't know how old he was when he started. Plus, you've got great physical shape and health that came with his training and life style, ancestors who had that same physique and life style, and the affects of bending on longevity (Bumi's 116 after all).**

**Throw that together with the world never really establishing an average life span and you can see it working.**

**XrhiaX: Ask and you shall receive. :)**

**MegaBob452: More Iroh stuff is coming. Just wait until The Storm you have no idea what I'm chewing my nails off wanting to write.**

**As for the OoC for Zuko, yeah. The very end of his confrontation with Aang was off. I'm still experimenting with how much I wanna keep in character (all things considered) and how much I wanna just show how little things made sense. I think I did well with Zuko and Zhao in this one.**

**Next week: Book 1: Chapter 4**

**The Warriors of Kyoshi**


	4. Book 1: Chapter 4

_Unfortunately, we have a shorter one today than last week. Don't worry, though folks. It's the same forehead slapping humor that you've come to love in these past two weeks and I know you'll be just as excited for the next installment. So, let's get on with: The Warriors of Kyohsi_

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 4<strong>

Sokka watched Aang dismount from Appa's head and land on the beach of a crescent-shaped, mountainous island. The dark-skinned boy followed him off the six-legged animal as he narrowed his eyes. "We just made a pit-stop yesterday. Shouldn't we get a little more flying done before we camp out?"

Katara stood next to her brother and then glanced at the Avatar as he looked out onto the ocean. "He's right. At this rate, we won't get to the North Pole until spring."

The monk dropped his hands to his side. "But Appa's tired alread… OH MY SPIRITS!"

Hakoda's daughter and her brother dropped into battle stances. "What? What is it, Aang?"

"It… it's Appa!" The Air Nomad stepped back from his bison and trembled. "What happened to your head?"

The Water Tribe siblings looked at the flying beast and their mouths dropped.

Sokka moved towards the creature slowly. "His head… it's like, _half_ the size it was in the South Pole." His sister stepped beside him.

"Smaller than half. When we freed Aang, Appa's mouth could've held all three of us, plus one. Now it barely has room for just one."

The Avatar steadied himself and hurried to his horned pet. Grabbing the creatures jaw, he hugged him tight and stared with teary eyes. "I don't know what's happened to you, buddy, but I'm going to fix it." He then hugged the beast tightly. "Maybe, as the avatar, I can enter the Spirit World and find whatever universe-running deity is responsible for this horribly obvious discontinuity from the rest of our time together."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Hakoda's son felt himself restrained against a wooden post as a blindfold blocked his eyes. As he heard the threat of him, his sister, and his friend being fed to a giant sea monster, his blood boiled. "Show yourselves, cowards!" A hand immediately pulled away the cloth covering his vision and he found himself staring at five young women in green dresses and covered with white face paint.<p>

The Water Tribe boy jerked forward but the ropes around him held. "Who are you? Where are the men who ambushed us?"

The girl in front of the others stepped forward. "There were no men, _we_ ambushed you. Now, tell us, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Wait a second. There's no way a bunch of girls took us down." Sokka glanced away and smirked.

The lead warrior clutched the dark-skinned boy's collar and brought her faces inches away from his as she glared. "A bunch of _girls_, huh? The unagi's gonna eat well tonight."

Beside her brother, Katara saw his apathetic expression and quickly jerked forward. "No, don't hurt him! He didn't mean it. My brother's just confused because you were able to attack us without our ten ton flying bison lifting a _spirits-damned finger to do anything_!"

On the other side of the wooden post, Aang sighed. "It's true. Appa was, at most, twenty yards away when Katara stopped watching me to tell him to stop eating something. I mean,... what? He can't bother to put off his lunch break while we're being attacked and potentially killed? Honestly, if we didn't need him to fly everywhere, I'd be looking for a news-scroll to roll up and whack him with for the next twelve hours."

Sokka nodded. "Or something to grill him on." He then calmly stared at the girl in front of him. "You babes have anything like that? I know you aren't used to cooking something_ that_ big, but with your kitchen experience from elephant koi, you should be able to improvise something." A smile formed on his face. "Thanks." His face then received a female's fist.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko and his uncle sat at a small table on their ship as a man with long black hair placed a smoking fish in front of them. As the man served the food, he told the two members of the royal family the news of Kyoshi Island's latest visitor. A moment later, the fire prince shot up from his seat with narrowed eyes. "You're fired!"<p>

The man staggered back. "M... my prince, what did I do?"

"What did you do? Did it occur to you at any time between when you bought this fish, cooked it, prepared it, and walked it over here, that telling me the Avatar is on Kyoshi Island _might_ have been a bigger priority than dinner?"

Iroh nodded as he took a piece of the fish from the plate. "I'm going to have to agree with my nephew. There's really _no excuse_ for that." He took a bite. "But, do not fear. For you have a promising future as a seafood chef."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>From the sky, Aang watched Zuko stand in the middle of the main road of the Kyoshi Island village. He saw the felled painted warriors and burning buildings and narrowed his eyes as he landed thirty yards away, staff in hand. "Hey! Over here!"<p>

The scarred prince sneered. "Finally…" Human-sized balls of fire flew from his hands and sailed towards the air bender.

The young monk dodged one fireball and batted another one away with his staff. In the next second, Aang spun his staff above his head and flew towards his attacker.

As soon as the Avatar landed, Zuko kicked the boy's staff away with a blazing foot.

Aang's eyes shot open as he leapt backwards and used his air bending to snatch up two metal fans when he touched the ground.

The son of Ozai rushed the nomad as the boy brought the fans up and spun. Then, with one hard swing, Zuko felt a rush of air smash into him and throw his body into the wall of a wooden hut.

The Avatar dropped his shoulders and the fans before picking up his staff and throwing it into the air. He then expanded its wings and glided North along the village.

While the winds carried the Air Nomad, the boy looked down on the burning buildings and Fire Nation soldiers as he frowned. After spying the immolated statue of Kyoshi, he flew down to where Katara hurried a small child into a hut.

"Get inside." Sokka's sister turned around as her bald friend landed next to her.

"Look what I brought to this place…"

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" The monk's eyes widened. "These people got their town destroyed trying to protect me!"

"Then let's get out of here. Zuko will leave Kyoshi to follow us." Katara placed her hand over her chest. "I know it feels wrong to run, but-."

"Whoa! Time out!" Aang held out his palms as he raised an eyebrow. "Run? The $%^ are you talking about?"

The water bender blinked twice. "I… I thought you wanted to make up for the Fire Nation coming here?"

"Well, yeah." The air bender dropped his arms. "That's why I came up here to show what I brought to these people to make amends for their sacrifice: Their invader getting a beat down." He chuckled. "I mean, I just kicked his ass with one move and seeing how he's the only fire bender who's bested a Kyoshi warrior so far, I'd say this place is pretty safe."

Katara's eyes widened. "But, isn't that dangerous? What if he gets the upper hand?"

"'The upper hand'? Katara, maybe you misunderstood. I _literally_ shot him into a wall with _literally_ one move. Heck, do you want another way to look at it? How 'bout this: I kicked his ass so hard, I now have enough time to have flown up here, have this conversation, and he still hasn't gotten up yet." Aang smirked and puffed his chest out. "You know, I'm actually glad this happened. After all, I was feeling down about the whole unagi thing. But beating Zuko's butt so easily really lift my spirits."

The last of the Air Nomads then peaked his head behind the groaning water bender and at a crowd of young children wearing blue and holding Momo. "So, how 'bout it, my band of youngsters? Who wants to watch Uncle Aang smack around the meanie Fire Nation prince?"

All of the kids cheered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Only a few things were off with The Warriors of Kyoshi. Fear not though, folks. Many, many more hilarious moments will follow and the reviews people send me are always great to read.**

**And, speaking of reviews:  
><strong>

**MegaBob452: You'll be hearing "#`*&! He's on to me" from Iroh A LOT. I guarantee that one of the five most jaw-dropping things you read in this series will be what exactly Iroh's got up his sleeve. As for the statues glowing, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for all them to glow only when the avatar is near by a temple. If it was glowing in just one temple when he was near it, I could see that, but for all four of them to glow is a little fishy.**

**Chalayyy: Love me and hate all at once, my friend. We all have that thing we love and I don't blame you for wanting to defend this show. Just have a good time doing it.**

**Anonamus-A: I understand that it's a kid's show and a cartoon, that's why I don't include certain aspects that are for Mike and Bryan to say is part of the magic that makes bending or the rules of society. Instead, I poke fun at the things that just don't make sense, even by the standards they've set. As time goes on, you'll see what I mean.**

**SnoopyGirl213: Not taking it seriously, my friend. I'm just having a few laughs with it. Oh, and update wish= granted.***

***Just for you.**

**RedVsBlue327: You have no idea how many different ways we are going to be looking at the scene where Combustion Man dies. What you've mentioned is only one of MANY ways things should have happened.**

**That's all for now, folks. Join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 5  
><strong>

**The King of Omashu**


	5. Book 1: Chapter 5

_It's another beautiful day, folks. And that means that it's time for another look into the logic-defying world that is Avatar the Last Airbender. Today's episode features everyone's favorite nut-ball of a king, Bumi. And if you thought things didn't make a lick of sense when he was in the show, wait until you take another look at it and find out what SHOULD have happ_ened_ in The King of Omashu_

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 5<strong>

A middle-aged man in green and beige clothes nuzzled a cabbage against his bearded chin and hummed a small tune under the shade of his mobile stand. However, a moment later, he heard the sound of something falling and poked his head out from below his cart's roof. His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he saw a stone cart falling towards him. The merchant immediately jumped back and gasped as the cart and three children crushed his vegetables.

The man in green and beige clutched his head. "MY CABBAGES!" He then threw his arms down as he glared at the teens and a lemur flew down beside them. "You're gonna pay for this!"

A handful of Earth Kingdom soldiers wielding bladed staves hurried towards the scene. When one of them approached the children, he raised his eyebrow and leaned close to them. In the next second, he grimaced. "Ugh, those kids aren't gonna be paying for anything, sir."

Snarls came from the merchant's throat as he narrowed his eyes on the soldiers. "What do you mean? Are you telling me you're just getting to let them get away with this?"

"No, I'm saying, they're dead."

"Wh… what?" The middle-aged man blinked twice.

"Yeah." The soldier nodded. "After that crash at that velocity, there's _no way _we're not looking at _massive_ amounts of broken bones. There's gotta be a lot of organ damage too. Whiplash especially. Ugh… Their brains are probably just puddles of mush inside their skulls at this point. And if any of them have the slightest bit of life left, it will slowly and painfully be pulled away as they suffocate from torn lungs, crushed throat, and blood loss if either can still work."

A soldier beside the first cringed and shook his head. "By the spirits… So young and foolish. Their whole lives ahead of them." He shuddered. "I can't bare this. I need something to calm myself from this horrible sight."

The first one nodded. "As do I." He glanced at the merchant. "Two cabbages, please."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara and Sokka kept their heads lowered as several guards led them down the corridor to where an old man in green robes sat on a throne. They spotted the man's crown and its two enormous grey feathers rise up a bit as he glanced at Aang, who smiled from ear to ear.<p>

"Hey, Bumi, ol'buddy! It's me, Aang!"

The elderly man widened his eyes. "Aang? It _is_ you!" He stood up and spread his arms open. "Come here, you rascal! I haven't seen you in 100 years!" As the air nomad ran towards him and threw his hands around him, Bumi chuckled. "I gotta ask, though, how'd you know it was me?"

Aang glanced up at him and shrugged. "What? You think none of the guards or anyone else said, 'King Bumi' on the way up here? That every single person who said anything about you just said, 'the king'?"

The old earth bender laughed. "Well, blow me away. I guess that does make a lot of sense. And here I was planning on seeing if you could guess my name."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang stood with clenched fists in a green-tinted cave as he stared at an enormous waterfall that surrounded a large stone pillar. On the other side of the cavern, across a field of stalagmites and a ceiling of stalactites, on a stone balcony, the elderly king of Omashu, wearing purple robes, smirked at him. His friends and a guard stood behind the old man as he laughed.<p>

The aged leader of the Earth Kingdom city smiled as he glanced behind him and the crystals attached to the two Water Tribe youths began spreading up their arms. Then, he turned and faced the Avatar. "It seems I've lost my lunch box key and I'm hungry!" The old man then mockingly pointed at the center of the waterfall where a key hung from a chain. "Oh, there it is! Would you mind fetching it for me?"

A snarl shot across the air bender's face before he jumped off his platform and from one stalagmite to the next, towards the rushing water. When he made it to the falling stream, he dove in and landed on the slope of the stone pillar. The last Air Nomad then began to push his legs against the rock as he fought against the waterfall's force. As soon as he reached the top, he grabbed onto a metal ladder with one hand and braced his body against the falling liquid.

From the balcony, Omashu's king rolled his eyes. "Ooo… Climbing the ladder. _No_ one's thought of _that_ before."

With little air in the bald boy's lungs and a heavy strain on his muscles, the Avatar let go of the metal bars and felt himself flung down and out of the rushing water.

Sokka and Katara gasped as they watched their friend fall towards the stalagmites, but relaxed when they saw him catch himself between two of them.

Aang let out a breath of air before steeling his muscles and leaping upwards from spiked stone to spiked stone until he caught himself between two stalactites and eyed the key in the center of the falls.

The Avatar licked his lips, braced his body, and leapt forward.

As the bald boy dove right for the key, he straightened himself out like an arrow and spun, creating a mini tornado around his body. When he hit the waterfall, his body went in only a few feet before the water threw him down to the slope of the pillar and then bounced him into a stalagmite. Aang's legs wrapped around the spiked rock as he began to fall. The young air bender then waved his arms madly before desperately clutching the stone.

From the balcony, the king of Omashu held the railing as he smirked. "That's right, keep diving in head-in. I'm sure it will work eventually."

Hearing the old man's words, Aang opened his eyes and glanced at the stalagmite he tightly held. His mouth then went agape as he turned his head towards the key in the center of the rushing water. In the next second, he tugged and pulled on the spiked rock in front of him and ripped off the top five feet of it. A large grin then spread across his face before he jumped on the rock he just broke and flung the broken part at the key's chain.

The Avatar then quickly made a blade-shaped vacuum of air and threw it in the same direction as the rock spike. The vacuum just barely overtook the pointed stone and sliced through the waterfall. In the brief space in the falling water, the top of the stalagmite flew into the chain and ripped in two, carrying the bottom half and the key it held. A moment later, everyone on the balcony dropped their jaws as the spiked stone impaled itself into the cavern wall above Omashu's king while the key and chain dangled above the old man's head.

Aang then stood tall on the broken rock and scowled. "There, enjoy your lunch! I want my friends back," he pumped his fist. "Now!" However, no one on the balcony looked at him. The young air bender saw them all staring, with mouths wide open, at the impaled stalagmite. "Hello? I said, release my friends!"

The king blinked twice. "Di… did you learned earth bending, yet?"

The last Air Nomad snarled. "No! Now let them go!"

Katara's eyes kept shifting back and forth between the stalagmite and his bald friend. "Ar... are you sure about that, Aang?"

"Katara, what are you talking about? You know I haven't! Why would you even ask?"

Sokka pointed at the spiked stone. "'Cause you just snapped a rock in half _with your bare hands_ and threw it, like, _seventy yards_! And by some miracle of skill, you hit TWO spots with pin point accuracy on ONE trajectory! How did you do that?"

Aang's posture dropped as he rubbed the back of his head. "I… don't know…"

Hakoda's daughter scoffed. "Spirits, forget the accuracy! He broke stone with his bare hands and chucked it SEVENTY YARDS without missing a beat!" She laughed. "I mean, it's not like that stone's weak at all! It's the same stuff that gets pounded by a waterfall on a daily basis!"

The Earth Kingdom soldier behind the elderly king stepped forward. "If I may be so bold, why are you bothering with bending right now? I mean, yeah, the avatar is supposed to learn all the elements to complete his spiritual destiny and blah, blah, blah! But for right now, just bust down the fire lord's door, give'em a spine-crushing bear hug, and whip him into a brick wall!"

Omashu's king nodded. "Yes, a wonderfully simple idea! Air bending already makes people fantastic _sprinters_! And now you can leave the fire lord's bones in _splinters_!"

Everyone stared at the old man. Somewhere in the cavern, a cough echoed.

A second later, the Avatar groaned. "Well,… I guess that's one way to do it. Do you think you can get me safe passage their, Bumi?"

"Sure I can! I'll just… Wait! How did you know who I was?"

"Because, as I was lead through the castle, someone around here was talking and I overheard him refer to you as 'King Bumi'!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Omashu's king shot boulder after boulder at the young avatar as they dueled inside his stone arena. However, the bald youth ducked and jumped out of the way of each one. "Typical air bender tactics: Avoid and evade. I was hoping the avatar would be less <em>predictable<em>!" The old man slammed on the floor and another stone jumped up from the earth. He then struck it with both palms and sent it flying at the bald monk.

The earth bender watched his foe leap several yards into the air and avoid his attack. But, as the last Air Nomad spun his staff like a propeller above his head and descended towards the king, the old man smirked. "Don't you have any surprises for me? Sooner or later you have to strike back!" He then mimicked his last maneuver to call a small boulder from the ground and then used both feet to drop kick it into the air.

Aang looked on with wide eyes as the newest rock struck the ceiling and rained stone down on his body, causing him to fall. The boy hit the ground and left a small crater as his staff fumbled away. When the Avatar rose, he immediately charged the old man, who merely waddled back and forth, causing spiked pillars to rise from the floor.

With gasp after gasp, the young monk jerked left and right, away from the impaling stones as they rose. When one intercepted his path and caught him in the gut, the boy let out a cry as he heard the king's sarcastic voice.

"Awww… You'll have to be a little more creative than that!"

"I'm sorry…" Aang clutched his chest as he fumbled to the ground. "This is just so mind-boggling I can't think straight!"

"Ha! You think the fire lord will make things simple?"

"No, I mean with those things you just shot out of the ground! I've seen that kinda stuff from earth benders before and it never makes sense!"

"Huh?" Omashu's king raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Raising stone out of the ground like that is a common earth bending move."

Aang stood up and brushed himself off. "I know that. But the thing about pulling a chunk of rock out of the ground is: What's underneath it to support it?"

The old man tsked. "Uh… _Earth_?"

"From where? You broke off a piece of stone and pulled it up!"

"So…?"

"So, stone doesn't work like that! It isn't water! It doesn't immediately flow into an empty space. You'd have to put something under it for it to stick!"

"Well, duh!" The old king dropped his hands. "You do the technique by immediately bending earth from the sides of the hole underground and either use it as a shelf or pinch the hole close."

The Avatar scratched his head. "So the technique requires you to send your energy deep enough to pull a rock out and at the same time pull more rock underneath?"

"Yes."

"But then what about those holes?"

"Excuse me?"

"Wouldn't the rock that's above the rocks that you use to make the shelf or pinch the hole shut drop? I've never seen that happen!"

"That's because the rock is thick enough to support it. You have to dig deep to get it and, yeah it eventually drops after a long while from now. But not anytime soon."

"Really? That makes even less sense."

"And why's that?"

"I was thinking that might be how it works and I can understand that working for you, 'cause you're a master, but I've seen every single schmuck of an earth bender do that."

"And…?"

"_And_ that means you're using _copious_ amounts of bending energy to do something that'd be accomplished so much simpler by whipping a chunk of rock out of the surface and letting the ground support it. Like, say you need an earth wall to protect you from an attack. Instead of pulling out earth and then wasting energy to make a shelf or pinch the ground closed, why not pull something out from, say, five feet in front of you, pull it back, and then let the ground that's one to four feet in front of you support it. That would take _so _much less effort and energy!"

The old man scratched his head. "My word, you're right! I mean, even if you couldn't get it in place by the time the blast hit you, the chunk of rock would still be right there to block it. WOW! How did _nobody_ realize that until now?"

The bald boy shrugged. "Beats me. But if that's boggling you, I guess I can't expect an answer to my next question."

"What's that?"

"Where do the rocks go after you throw them?"

"Uh… To the ground…?"

"Yeah, but what about after that? It seems like, at completely random intervals, all the rocks seem to disappear! I noticed it outside the city when we were getting through the gate, but figured: You know, there're three guys here, they probably have some drill where one brings out a boulder and another cleans up the mess. But when it's in the middle of a fight, NO ONE is gonna take the time to make sure the ground is all nice, neat, and even."

The Avatar looked on at the king. "So how does that work, Bumi, ol' buddy?"

"Wow… I have no idea at all. It's quite a myster-. Hey! How did you know it was me?"

Aang raised an eyebrow. "'Cause you're the king, so there are statues and paintings of you? All of which have the caption 'King Bumi' underneath?"

"Oh yeah…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang flew up to a balcony in the king's arena where Sokka and Katara stood nearly fully encrusted by purple and green crystal. In front of them, the old ruler stood and spoke.<p>

"You've passed all my tests. Now, you must answer one question."

The small boy furrowed his brow. "That's not fair! You said you would release my friends if I finish your tests!"

The king slouched and smirked. "Oh, but what's the point of tests if you don't learn anything?"

Sokka's jaw dropped. "Oh, come _on_…"

Omashu's king smiled. "Answer this one question,…" he gestured towards the teens behind him. "…and I will set your friends free."

The old man glared at the boy. "_What…_" He smirked. "…is my name?"

"It's 'Bumi.'"

Bumi's eyes widened. "H… How did you know?"

Aang rolled his eyes. "Well, first there was…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Sure did make sense for that last scene to end that way. But here's another way for that scene to play out that makes just as much sense.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Aang flew up to a balcony in the king's arena where Sokka and Katara stood nearly fully encrusted by purple and green crystal. In front of them, the old ruler stood and spoke.<p>

"You've passed all my tests. Now, you must answer one question."

The small boy furrowed his brow. "That's not fair! You said you would release my friends if I finish your tests!"

The king slouched and smirked. "Oh, but what's the point of tests if you don't learn anything?"

Sokka's jaw dropped. "Oh, come _on_…"

Omashu's king smiled. "Answer this one question,…" he gestured towards the teens behind him. "…and I will set your friends free."

The old man glared at the boy. "_What…_" He smirked. "…is my name?"

Aang's face dropped and his mouth frowned as he stared at the old man, who casually glanced at the Water Tribe siblings.

"From the looks of your friends, I'd say you only have a few minutes." The old king calmly walked away.

Hastily, the last Air Nomad turned to his friends. "How am I supposed to know his name?"

Katara jerked her head forward. "Think about the challenges! Maybe it's some kind of riddle!"

Sokka glanced at the ground and then his eyes widened. "I got it!"

Aang smiled. "Yeah?"

"Just ask one of the guards!"

Katara smiled. "Wow! That's a great idea, Sokka! That's a _really simple and easy_ _way_ to figure out who he is! And, even if all the guards have been told not to talk to Aang, I'm sure he could find a servant or cook or someone who could just answer that question!" Hakoda's daughter nodded her head. "Good thinking!"

The Avatar smacked himself on the head as he chuckled. "Duh! Why didn't I think of that first thing?"

The Water Tribe boy shrugged. "Eh… We can't all be as smart as me."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Think there's another way that scene could have ended? Then you're right! Here it is!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Aang flew up to a balcony in the king's arena where Sokka and Katara stood nearly fully encrusted by purple and green crystal. In front of them, the old ruler stood and spoke.<p>

"You've passed all my tests. Now, you must answer one question."

The small boy furrowed his brow. "That's not fair! You said you would release my friends if I finish your tests!"

The king slouched and smirked. "Oh, but what's the point of tests if you don't learn anything?"

Sokka's jaw dropped. "Oh, come _on_…"

Omashu's king smiled. "Answer this one question,…" he gestured towards the teens behind him. "…and I will set your friends free."

The old man glared at the boy. "_What…_" He smirked. "…is my name?"

"It's 'Bumi.'"

Bumi's eyes widened. "H… How did you know?"

Aang rolled his eyes. "Don't you remember? We were pretty close friends a hundred years ago!"

"So…?"

"_So_… I knew you were related to the royal family! I mean, last time I checked, kings and queens got the throne through either coups or lineage! And since this doesn't seem like the place that had a blood-spilling revolution, you inherited the throne!"

"But… I could've still been any one!"

"Not with the misshaped eyes and weird teeth."

"Oh… Yes, I suppose that _is_ a dead give away."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Man... I really liked this one. I hope I'm not the only one who watched this episode and thought to myself: "Hey, Aang! That's Bumi! There're, like, a hundred reasons you should know who he is!" Ugh... sometimes characters can hold the biggest idiot ball.**

**PM RESPONSE TIME!**

**girlwhoplayswithfire: As you can see, Bumi may not have gotten a jolt of crack-cocaine, but he definitely has a few screws missing.**

**MegaBob452: Appa's head changing size is something I added simply because it DRASTICALLY changed size. I understand that animators can't be 100% consistent all the time, but to drop it to a quarter of its normal size is just some shabby work.**

**That's all for today, folks. Join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 6  
><strong>

**Imprisoned**


	6. Book 1: Chapter 6

_What a wonderful day this is. The birds are blooming, the sun is singing, the flowers are shining, and my new chapter is here to spread humor and joy to everyone. So, without further ado, I give you what SHOULD have happened in Imprisoned._

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 6<strong>

Haru leaned against the counter in his mother's store and scowled. "They're thugs! They steal from us!" He crossed his arms. "And everyone here is too much of a coward to do anything about it!"

Haru's mother furrowed her brow. "Quiet, Haru! Don't talk like that!"

Katara stared at the middle-aged woman as she shrugged. "But Haru's an earth bender. He can help."

"Earth bending is forbidden. It's caused nothing but misery for this village." The woman glanced at her son. "He must _never_ use his abilities."

The Water Tribe girl cringed slightly. "How can you say that?" She slowly walked towards the earth bender. "Haru has a gift. Asking him not to earth bend is like asking me not to water bend. It's a part of who we-." She watched the people around her snorting and chuckling. "Uh… What's so funny?"

Sokka kept his hand over his mouth as he giggled. "Really, sis? _That's_ the best metaphor you could think of?"

"What's wrong with what I said?"

Aang tensed as he smiled. "'Asking him not to _earth_ bend is like asking me not to _water_ bend'? Really?"

Hakoda's daughter blinked twice and then chuckled as she smacked her head lightly. "Oh, wow! You're right, that _was_ retarded!" The entire room broke into laughter as she clutched her stomach and held her head. "I mean, really, really stupid! Hey, can everyone do me a favor and, if anyone asks about this moment, tell them I said something that sounded _halfway_ intelligent?"

Everyone around her slowly nodded as the laughing quieted and they wiped away tears.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Fire Nation soldiers marched down a dirt road as their lanterns lit up the night around them. With a short, bald man in green at their side, they moved closer and closer to a small hut and wooden farmhouse. When the lead trooper knocked on the door, a dark-haired teen in green and beige clothes opened it and dropped his jaw.<p>

The old man stepped forward and pointed at the boy. "That's him! That's the earth bender!"

The lead soldier shoved the senior aside and stormed up to the boy, who stood shocked even as he grabbed his shoulders. "Boy! Aren't you one of the kids I saw in the market today?"

The boy trembled. "Y… yes…"

"Then I have one question for you." The soldier watched the boy flinch.

"Wh… what…?"

"Why are you wearing the same clothes as before?"

"H… huh?" The teen relaxed a little and raised his eyebrow.

"It's gotta be, like, two in the morning right now and you're wearing the same stuff you had on at two in the afternoon. I understand if you have just one set of clothes you wear from day to day, but you answered the door as soon as I knocked, you wouldn't have had time to change. Did you wear those to bed or something?"

"I…" Slowly, the boy stood up straight. "I don't know."

"I'm not mad about that or anything. It's just weird."

"Yeah, you're right. It is." Haru looked down at his clothes. "Why the heck am I wearing this right now?"

The lead soldier shrugged. "Don't ask me. Oh, by the way, you're also under arrest for earth bending."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara burst through the door of the barn as Aang and Sokka packed their bags. "They took him! They took Haru away!" She threw her arms onto her head.<p>

Aang stood and his eyes widened as Momo flew onto his shoulder. "What?"

The water bender waved her arms. "The old man turned him into the Fire Nation!" She cringed. "It's all my fault! I forced him into earth bending!" Her brother calmly walked up to her.

"Slow down, Katara. When did this happen?"

The water bender but her hand on her head. "Haru's mother said they came for him at midnight."

Sokka scowled as he looked out the barn door. "Then it's too late to track him, he's long gone." His sister pulled away and furrowed her brow.

"We don't need to track him. The Fire Nation… has a boat that takes earth benders to that giant rig out in the ocean. They do it all the time. Haru's mom told me."

Aang smiled. "Well, that's certainly a nice break. At least we know where to go."

Katara nodded. "Yeah. No need for a crazy sneak-aboard-something plan, huh?" Her brother scoffed.

"What? You mean like pretend to get captured? That sounds needlessly convoluted."

"It does, doesn't it?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the center of the prison yard on the giant metal rig, Katara sat between Haru and Tyro as the teen's father crossed his arms. "If you don't mind me asking, what's your escape plan?"<p>

The middle-aged man raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You know, the plan to get everyone off the rig? What is it? Mutiny? Sabotage?"

"_The plan_? The plan is to survive. Wait out this war." Tyro turned away. "Hope that some of us can get back home and forget this ever happened."

Hakoda's daughter threw out her arms as she stared at the man. "How can you say that? You sound like you've already given up!"

Haru's father looked at her again. "Katara, I admire your courage and I envy your youth." He turned away once more. "But people's lives are at stake here. The warden is a ruthless man and he won't stand for any rebellion. I am sorry…" the man closed his eyes, "…but we're powerless."

The Water Tribe girl furrowed her brow and stood. "We'll see about that."

Katara grabbed a rusty metal lid and a spoon as she stormed towards a large table and climbed on top of it. She then looked out at the crowd of long-faced Earth Kingdom citizens and banged the cover with the utensil. "Earth benders! You don't know me, but I know of you! Every child in my Water Tribe village was rocked to sleep with stories of the brave Earth Kingdom and the courageous earth benders who guard its borders!"

Above the girl, the warden watched from a balcony and saw a soldier moving out of the corner of his eye. A motion of his hand kept the man still as the girl continued.

"Some of you think the Fire Nation has made you powerless. _Yes_, they have taken away your- Hey!" Katara frantically fought against the guards who grabbed her. "Hey, let go! Someone help!" However, no one moved.

As Tyro watched the girl being dragged away, he sighed and shook his head. "What'd she expect? I clearly said that the warden doesn't stand for any rebellion." His son mimicked his gesture.

"And why did she say she was from the Water Tribe? Didn't she realize that they would _immediately_ take her off a rig built for _earth benders_? I mean, even if she isn't a powerful water bender, this place is literally surrounded by her element if she were! There's no way they'd take the chance of letting someone like that stay here." The dark-haired boy groaned. "That was _just_ _stupid_." His father nodded.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As night blanketed the ocean and search lights scanned the sky Aang quietly stepped off of Appa's back and onto the metal rig. While Sokka manned the bison's reigns, the last Air Nomad moved quickly and silently through the steel structure until he found his female friend lying on a small cot in the prisoner's quarters. When he gently tapped her shoulder, she sprang up with a gasp, but he quieted her with a finger to his lips and a "Shhh."<p>

The Water Tribe girl then followed the nomad back across the rig to the edge of a platform where she saw her brother and favorite ten-ton animal.

Sokka stared at his sister through cheap metal bars. "Your twelve hours are up. Where's Haru? We gotta get out of here."

Katara looked down as Aang jumped onto his bison. "I can't." Her brother reached out to her.

"We don't have much time, there are guards everywhere. Get on!"

Aang saw the water bender looking at the ground as she gripped a bar. "Katara, what's wrong?"

The girl closed her eyes. "I'm not leaving." Her male companions their jaws and then stared at each other as she opened her eyes and steeled her vision. "I'm not giving up on these people…"

Hakoda's daughter relaxed her gaze and glanced down at the boys. "…'Casue, you know, we can bust them out right now."

Sokka raised an eyebrow. "What? But the guards." His sister scoffed.

"What? You mean the guards who don't pay attention enough when some kid is running around, searching this entire rig for the quarters I'm sleeping in? Please. Kicking their butts'll be a piece of cake." Katara glanced at the Avatar. "I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, Aang, but you didn't have a map of this place or get any kind of signal as to where I was sleeping, right?"

"No, I didn't."

"And, since not every prisoner was in my quarters, I assume you had to do a search through a lot of rooms, all of which were unlocked, right?"

The bald boy smiled. "Well, I certainly didn't need to make a racquet to open any metal doors."

"And, Sokka, you were right here with Appa the whole time, right?"

"Couldn't risk moving and leaving you guys stranded."

"So, you see? These guards are _incredibly_ incompetent. I bet we could even stay for another five minutes or so before anyone came _remotely close _to spotting us. So, I say we sneak around here, take out the guards: one or two at a time, then get everyone on a few ships and back home."

Hakoda's son glanced at the last air bender. "Actually, that makes a lot of sense." He smiled at his sister. "Let's go kick some easily-kickable ass!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Think that scene could have logically gone another way? You are correct!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As night blanketed the ocean and search lights scanned the sky Aang quietly stepped off of Appa's back and onto the metal rig. While Sokka manned the bison's reigns, the last Air Nomad moved quickly and silently through the steel structure until he found his female friend lying on a small cot in the prisoner's quarters. When he gently tapped her shoulder, she sprang up with a gasp, but he quieted her with a finger to his lips and a "Shhh."<p>

The Water Tribe girl then followed the nomad back across the rig to the edge of a platform where she saw her brother and favorite ten-ton animal.

Sokka stared at his sister through cheap metal bars. "Your twelve hours are up. Where's Haru? We gotta get out of here."

Katara smiled and pointed just behind her. "He's right here." The earth bender then stepped beside them.

"Hey."

The girl smiled at the dark-haired boy as he climbed on. "Yeah… when I found out that no one had an escape plan, I told Haru's dad about you guys coming to rescue me on Appa and he insisted I take his son with me."

Hakoda's son nodded as Haru found a secure spot on the bison's saddle. "That's a very logical course of action you took, Katara. And clearly that is what any father would want to happen to his son under these conditions. Good job."

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>A guard pointed at the Water Tribe siblings on the main platform of the rig. "There's the intruder!" Over half a dozen armored men surrounded the teens in front of one of the vents leading to the coal deposits in the base of the rig.<p>

As the soldiers closed in, Sokka pulled out his boomerang. "Stay back! I'm warning you!"

Tyro saw the water tribe girl in a fighting stance. "Katara, stop! You can't win this fight!"

Haru and Katara stared at each other as the warden stepped forward.

"Listen to him well, child. You're one mistake away from dying where you stand."

At the warden's words, the guards closed in with spears pointed forward. But, just then, the floor below began to tremble. A second later, everyone's mouth hung open as a geyser of coal erupted out of the vent, shooting black rock everywhere and knocking several people off their feet. In the next moment, a soot-covered bald boy and his lemur jumped out of the vent and landed on the pile of burnable stone.

While her bald friend coughed the dirt off his body, Katara ran atop the small hill of coal. "Here's your chance, earth benders!" She held up a lump of stone. "Take it! Your fate is in your own hands!"

Haru moved towards the rocks, but his father stopped him as other earth benders stepped back.

Several yards behind Katara, the warden crossed his arms and laughed. "Foolish girl. You thought a few inspirational words and some coal would change their... Ahhh!" A tremendously large blast of air knocked the warden and his guards off their feet and straight into a wall.

When the Fire Nation soldiers' heads stopped spinning, they looked up and saw the Avatar standing in a battle stance and narrowing his eyes on them.

"What?" The Avatar snorted. "You thought the coal was our only option? I just blasted three tons of it up, like, a hundred yards worth of pipes and then flew up that same hundred yards without missing a beat! You know how much bending power that took? Let me give you a hint: It's enough to send 6,000 lbs of coal 300 feet straight up and then fly almost 91 and a half meters! It's a lot! And from the look and feel of things, I ain't sweatin' a drop! Meaning, there is _absolutely no reason_ I can't free all these people by myself!

"So, if you don't mind, I'll be taking those boats you've got and these earth benders you've got and heading outta here!" Aang stood up straight. "Capice?"

The guards fumbled to their feet and ran off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahhhh... Another great chapter over and done with. I gotta tell ya, I'm _really_ enjoying this stuff. It's so much fun to have fun with this show on such a different level than anyone else is.**

**I won't be replying to reviews here this time around, because I've found that it's better to just respond to people as they review.**

**That's all for today, folks. Join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 7 & 8  
><strong>

**The Winter Solstice Part 1 & Part 2  
><strong>


	7. Book 1: Chapter 7 & 8

_Oh, I have been waiting for this chapter. That damn comet-talk is going to be my witch with a capital 'B' from this day on. Screw what ever anyone else says. This chapter's gonna warp your mind about half of the Avatar universe. Enjoy._

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 7 &amp; 8<strong>

Under a setting sun, Aang, his Water Tribe friends, and his lemur followed an old man in beige and brown clothes through the gates and into the walls of a small village. Four rows of a total of sixteen beige, wooden buildings with green roofs made up the bulk of the tiny town with a larger wooden edifice lying perpendicular to the others at the opposite end. As the group walked up to the biggest structure, the Avatar glanced around and saw several smaller homes in ruin. When the five figures entered the immense building, they saw two dozen people hanging their heads as they sat against the walls of the spacious, empty room.

As a middle-aged man in beige and green robes approached them, the old man motioned towards the bald child. "This young person is the avatar."

The middle-aged man stared at the tattooed youth. "So the rumors are true." He bowed. "It is the greatest honor of a lifetime to be in your presence."

Aang bowed back. "Nice to meet you too." He glanced around at all the people. "So… Is there something I can help you with?"

The middle-aged man glanced away. "I'm… not sure." His senior approached him.

"Our village is in crisis! He's our only hope!" While the younger man nodded, the elderly one turned towards the three youths. "For the last few days, at sunset, a spirit monster comes and attacks our village. He is Hei Bai: the Black and White Spirit."

Sokka furrowed his brow. "Why is it attacking you?"

The middle-aged man scowled as he walked past the children and towards the door. "We do not know. But each of the last three nights,-"

Aang raised a finger. "… I think I do."

The two men and the Water Tribe siblings quickly turned their gaze towards the Avatar.

"Yeah, see, it's probably pissed off at all the incest."

Katara and Sokka's eyes shot open. "WHAT?"

Aang glanced at his friends. "You mean neither of you noticed? They've only got, like, twenty buildings in this whole town and I doubt even all of them are homes." He then motioned towards the people in the room. "Plus, there can't be more than, like, three dozen people around here. Add that to the fact that we didn't see so much as a stray cabin for miles and miles when we were on Appa and it's pretty clear that some mommies and daddies shared the same last name _before_ they were married."

The Last Air Nomad turned towards the two men and held up his palms. "Now, look, I'm not knocking you for doing what you had to do. Obviously, when you're more than two months travel from the next cluster of civilization, your options are rather limited. Hei Bai, though, is probably disgusted to all ends by this."

The middle-aged man and his senior cringed at each other. "Think that's why, Dad?"

The old man gulped. "I hope not, little brother. I hope not."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In a natural hot spring formed from stone, Iroh looked at a tiny white rodent as it hopped onto the rim of his bath. "A meadow vole! I should have known." He let it crawl onto his hand. "You startled me, little one." The Dragon of the West then yawned as he leaned back. "It seems I've dozed off and missed my nephew's deadline." He put the vole back on the rock and threw his hands behind his back. "But it was a <em>very<em> sweet nap."

The small animal began jumping up and down as it squeaked violently. A few seconds later, the earth began to shake and the rodent scurried away. A moment later, three small fissures raced through the ground and the retired general let out a gasp just before three triangular stones trapped him in his bath and spewed the warm water across the dirt.

Three earth kingdom soldiers then jumped down from the trees and surrounded him in fighting stances.

A few yards away, a fourth soldier picked up Iroh's clothes from a tree limb and showed them to his commander. "Fire Nation soldier."

"He's no ordinary soldier. This is the Fire Lord's brother: the Dragon of the West. The once great General I-."

Iroh raised an eyebrow. "…Excuse me? What did that guy with my robes just say?"

The commander scowled at the legendary enemy of his kingdom. "Quite, you!"

"No, no! I'm serious. It sounded like 'Fire Nation soldier.' Not 'We were right, he's a Fire Nation soldier' or 'He's not just any Fire Nation soldier, these robes mean he's someone important.' Just: 'Fire Nation soldier.'"

"So?"

"So… you men _didn't know_ I was Fire Nation until just now?"

"Your point?"

"_My point_? You people are %##-holes, that's my point! What? You just go around beating up old people at random whenever you feel like it and this time you lucked out? You're all a bunch of sick mother $%^!-ers! _That's_ my point!"

Iroh grunted. "And, believe me, when _I_ call you a sick mother $%^-er, you're a _sick_ mother $%^-er!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun hung over the sky, Aang, in a body made of only his spirit, sat clutching his staff and staring at Katara, who slept with a depressed expression against the gateway of the tiny town. "I'll figure this out, Katara, I promise. Like they said: I'm the bridge between the worlds, right? All I have to do is… f… figure out what I have to do. But once I do that, no problem!" A low roar drew the nomad's attention to his ten-ton bison as he approached the Water Tribe girl.<p>

The Avatar immediately stood up and waved his arm. "Appa, hey buddy, I'm right here." However, the giant white animal only looked at the water bender and grunted a small wave of air out of his nostrils. When Aang saw his sky bison keeping his eyes only on his friend, he slumped. "But… I guess you can't see me either…"

Another small roar woke Katara from her slumber and she turned towards Appa. Then she glared at him. "Oh, well! Look who finally decided to show the $%^ up!"

Aang's eyes widened as his flying animal winced back. "Katara! Why are you shouting at him?"

Hakoda's daughter huffed as she stood up and threw her hands on her hips. "Don't go looking for sympathy from me! Where was your %## when Aang and Sokka were trying to stop a spirit monster? What? You thought that you were powerless to help? That, somehow, being a twenty-thousand pound monster with horns and can fly would be a hindrance in a fight with _another_ monster? Heck, did you even know we needed you? You just seem to go off doing random #`*& whenever the $%^ you want!"

Katara spun around and crossed her arms as Appa whimpered. "Honestly, if we didn't need you to fly us everywhere, I'd _so_ be voting to turn you into bison steaks."

In his spiritual essence, Aang scratched his head, but then narrowed his eyes. "Yeah… Yeah, she's right! What the hell is wrong with you, Appa? Like, _every_ fight we've had could've been won with half the effort if you just rammed someone even once! Do something sometime for spirit's sake!"

At that moment, a serpentine spiritual dragon flew towards the Avatar and then landed in front of him. "Whoa! A dragon…" The winged-lizard lowered its neck. "Dang… you look like an awesome creature who'd probably never leave your caretaker while he or she was dealing with something like a spirit beast or a natural disaster."

Behind sealed lips, the dragon gritted its teeth and glanced away.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within a large crater the five Earth Kingdom soldiers that captured Iroh surrounded him as the old man's hands lay chained to a boulder in the center. The commander of the troops glared directly at the Dragon of the West as the sun began to set. "These dangerous hands must be crushed." He braced his body and then pulled a boulder out of the ground.<p>

The large stone floated above Iroh's wrists as the old man eyes widened. Then, the old general saw the commander drive his hand down and the human-sized rock flung towards Iroh's arms. However, before it could connect, Zuko jumped at the boulder and kicked it away.

When the scarred boy in Fire Nation armor then dropped to the ground and stared at all of the Earth Kingdom soldiers, one of them clenched his fists and lowered into a fighting stance. "Let's get him!"

The commander held out a hand. "No, wait."

"What?"

Another soldier nodded. "Yes, let's wait a moment."

The first soldier stared with a dropped jaw while the teen raised a leg and then smashed Iroh's chains apart. "Well, let's do something _now_! He just freed the Dragon of the West!"

Again the commander held out his hand. "No… not yet."

The first soldier's eyes trembled as Iroh calmly made a remark to the teen, who he addressed as 'Prince Zuko.' "COME ON! WHY AREN'T WE ATTACKING?"

**[[I'm not joking here. Watch this scene in B:1 C:7 towards the end, it seriously takes the EK soldiers forever to do anything.]]**

Once the two Fire Nation warriors stood in battle stances, the commander lowered his arm. "Surrender yourselves! It's five against two! You're clearly outnumbered."

The first soldier groaned and smacked his forehead. "I hate you _so _much, sir…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As night fell, Aang once again stood at the entrance of the village as a stiff breeze blew and voices echoed from the darkness of the forest. However, when no spirit beast emerged, his head dropped and he began walking away. Then, mere seconds of a wind chime chimed, Hei Bai erupted out of a home, blasting his energy breath into the sky. Aang screamed and created a force field of wind to block the wood shards as Katara's scream reached his ears.<p>

"Aang, what are you doing? Run!"

The Avatar watched the spirit beast suck in its own energy breath and turn towards the town hall. As it sped at the largest building, the last Air Nomad hurried after it. He then leapt over its back and cleared the monster's entire body. When the bald boy began to descend, he placed his hand on Hei Bai's forehead and a blue glow emitted from the point of contact.

A second later, Aang saw the form of a panda bear within the form of spirit monster. "You're the spirit of this forest." His feet touched the ground as he stared up at the beast with saddened eyes. "Now I understand. You're upset and angry because your home was burned down."

The air bender looked up at the beast towering over him as it huffed and breathed heavily, however, he continued to speak slowly. "When I saw the forest, I was sad and upset. But…" He snarled and glared at the monster. "… I didn't turn into an %##-hole about of it!"

Hei Bai stood up in shock as the people in the town hall cringed and glanced at each other.

Meanwhile, Aang sneered. "The forest burned down! _Burned_! You know, by _fire benders_! You know, which none of these EARTH KINGDOM CITIZENS are! None of them had anything to do with the forest being destroyed and they probably lost hunting ground because of it! Yet you're razing their homes and kidnapping their people like they're to blame! What! The! $%^?"

The Avatar then slammed his staff on the ground, causing an eruption of wind. "And do you even have any _right_ to be butt-hurt? You're the freakin' spirit of the damn woods! It's your job to protect that place, not theirs! And it's not like you're short of super powers! Why didn't you lift a spirits-damned finger to stop the destruction when it was happening? Hmm? _Hmmm_?"

The tattooed youth kept his glare fierce as the spirit sherked back and morphed into a smaller panda. "Yeah, that's what I thought. But, hey, I'm a nice guy, unlike _you_, so here's some advice." He dug into his pocket, pulled out the acorn Katara gave him, and then whipped it at the beasts head. "Take that acorn and go $%^ yourself with it!" He watched Hei Bai whimper as it turned around and scampered away, creating a small plot of bamboo in the village's entrance that people began to emerge from.

While his water bending friend ran out of the town hall and towards her brother as he walked out of the bamboo, Aang held his narrowed eyes aimed at the last spot where he saw Hei Bai. "And if I _ever_ see your %## messing up my world again, I'm going to pound your #`*& avatar-state style!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Through a telescope, Commander Zhao saw a flying white monster with horns. "The Avatar…" He then lowered his scope and saw a small metal ship. "…<em>and<em> the banished prince." The Fire Nation soldier lowered his eyepiece. "This must be my lucky day."

Zhao took a deep breath. "No, seriously. When I, as a _commander_, was assigned to a blockade that's clearly _miles _and_ miles_ away from the harbor I'm in charge of when there was no indication of an attack on it, I thought this was going to be a complete waste of time. I mean, why _am_ I here? There's no reason for it. Especially if I'm trying to hunt the Avatar and had no reports that he was heading this way."

The officer of the navy shrugged. "Oh well, guess I lucked out."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within an underground cavern, filled with small streams of magma, Shyu the Fire Sage lead the newest avatar and his companions up a pathway carved out of the stone. As he walked, he heard the boy's timid voice ask a question.<p>

"If this is the avatar's temple, why did the sages attack me?"

The sage kept his eyes forward as they made their way up a hill. "Things have changed. In the past, the sages were loyal _only_ to the avatar. When Roku died, the sages waited eagerly for the next avatar to return. But he never came…"

Aang stopped and leaned against a stone pillar. "They were waiting for me…"

Sokka gave a light smile and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hey, don't feel bad. You're only a hundred years late."

Shyu saw the Avatar give his friend a dirty look. "They lost hope the Avatar would ever return. When Fire Lord Sozin began the war, my grandfather and the other sages were _forced_ to follow him." The old sage shook his head. "I never wanted to serve the fire lord." He looked up. "When I learned you were coming, I knew I would have to betray the other sages."

The last Air Nomad stood up straight and bowed slightly. "Thank you for helping me." He saw the older man smiled as he himself raised an eyebrow. "Buuuut… that raises an interesting question."

Shyu's eyes widened a bit. "Oh? What's that?"

"Why is this temple still here?"

"Because it's to honor Avatar Roku, who was-."

"Considered a traitor to your people while the spirit of the avatar is your enemy."

Katara scratched her head. "You know, Aang's right. I can't think of too many people who'd leave a sanctuary, dedicated to their worst enemy, standing and in such good condition."

Shyu began to speak, but before he could, the Water Tribe boy stepped forward.

"Yeah, why didn't they take this place apart and sell the gold and marble and everything else to fund the war?"

The water bender shrugged. "Well, maybe it wasn't worth it?"

"Wasn't worth it to just demolish a building and pick apart what it was made of?"

"Yeah, you're right, that's screwy."

Aang then stared, wide-eyed at the fire sage. "So… What is it? Why is this place still standing?"

The older man opened his mouth, but then blinked twice as his jaw hung. "You know… I've actually asked that, myself, but I'll be damned if I _ever_ thought of an answer that made even the slightest sense."

Sokka clicked his tongue. "Seems like someone made a _huge_ oversight in the design of the Fire Nation when they left this place around."

Shyu frowned slightly. "Yes, it always seemed like someone, who is the absolute, positively unquestionable, highest in authority over what happens in the Fire Nation, made a _drastic_ mistake when they didn't demand this place be demolished."

Aang shook his head. "Thank spirits for idiocy, huh?"

Everyone nodded.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the spirit world, surrounded by clouds and a beige landscape Avatar Roku looked upon his reincarnation. "I have something very important to tell you, Aang. That is why, when you were in the Spirit World, I sent my dragon to find you."<p>

The air bender looked up at his former incarnation with widened eyes. "Is it about that vision? The one of the comet?"

With a grim face, Roku nodded. "Yes."

"What does it mean?"

"One hundred years ago, Fire Lord Sozin used that comet to begin the war. He and his fire bending army harnessed its incredible power and dealt a deadly first strike against the other nations."

Aang continued to stare at his past life. "So the comet made them stronger?"

"Yes… Stronger than you could even imagine!"

"But that happened a hundred years ago. What does the comet have to do with the war now?"

"Listen carefully. Sozin's Comet will return by the end of this summer and Fire Lord Ozai will use it's power to-."

"Wait!Wait!Wait! Whoa! Whoa!" Aang waved his arms in front of him. "I have a question. Something about this doesn't make sense."

Roku rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes… Comets are made of rock, ice, and metal… fire can't exist in space… blah, blah, blah… We've all heard it. Now, as I was saying-."

"What? No! That has nothing to do with my question."

"It doesn't?"

The bald boy tsked. "Honestly, with all the magical, crazy, wacko things that happen in this world, this comet could instead be some kind of rabbit-dog wearing a stereotypical farmers outfit, complete with overalls, a straw hat, and a piece of wheat in its mouth as it plants flowers on the back of _another_ rabbit-dog, who's playing with a piece of wood that looks like a dolphin-shark, and I would have _no problem_ believing that somewhere in the infinite void of this universe, this thing absorbed some radiating energy or picked up some stray material that let it boost fire bending as if it were 100 suns, without being even a noticeable fraction of the size of one nor giving off an even less noticeable fraction of the heat. Really, I wouldn't have a _single_,_ solitary_, quarrel with hearing that. I'd buy it completely."

The older Avatar blinked twice. "Ok… Then, what's your question?"

Aang cleared his throat. "Let me make sure I've got everything straight. First, does this comet come around _every_ 100 years?"

Roku shrugged. "Give or take a day, but yeah. Sozin couldn't have predicted when to start the war and Ozai can't be making plans if it weren't consistant."

"And the comet _always_ turns fire benders into demigods?"

"That's one way of putting it. Only a fully-realized avatar or a true master of a martial art with decades of battle experience can hope to stop even one."

"I see… I see… For how long has this comet been doing this?"

The Fire Nation avatar clicked his tongue. "I suppose as far back as history can tell us."

"So, we're talking a couple millennia, right."

"Yes, sure. Now, _what_ _is_ your question! Our time is running out!"

The air bender sighed. "My question is: The comet has been showing up like clockwork, turning fire benders into gods among men, doing it for eons, and, yet, you're telling me, NOBODY NAMED THIS THING BEFORE SOZIN CAME ALONG?"

Aang saw Roku's eyes widen. "Seriously! 'Agni's gift', 'The true essence of the sun', 'Spirit's blessing to fire benders'! _Nobody_ came up with a name until a hundred years ago? It was just called 'That comet' or something? How unimaginative _is_ the Fire Nation?"

Roku turned his widened eyes to the floor. "I… I don't know. I can't remember a name from before the war. Spirits, this is insane!" He looked up at his new incarnation. "I mean, there's no way that even a fire lord would have the authority or prestige to rename one of the most important objects in the universe to fire benders. But…" The old man shook his head. "But there's no name…"

The bald boy dropped his jaw before throwing his hands into the air. "WHAT THE $%^ IS WRONG WITH THIS UNIVERSE!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I loved this one. I seriously love this one. That question about the comet has been building up in my head for AGES! Hei Bai being a dick only came to me recently and I had a blast writing Aang's chastising, but that question to Roku just takes the $%^-ing cake.**

***Pleasant sigh***

**Another reason I'm really proud of this chapter is that I was able to write it while moving from Manassas, Virginia to beautiful San Diego, California, while trying to find an apartment because I got gypped out of the one I was going to rent. Yeah, this chapter's gonna have a really good spot in my heart for forever.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 9  
><strong>

**The Waterbending Scroll**


	8. Book 1: Chapter 9

_What's that famous line? Oh yeah, 'I love this show.'_

_Today we have the infamous The Waterbending Scroll_ and all the Zuko and Katara shipping madness it spawned. And, for the laughs of everything, that exact scene is part of today's side splitting tale. Do me a favor and be kind in your reviews, I got myself injured in MMA practice and could use some kind words to help with my recovery.__**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 9<strong>

Inside a wooden ship that lay docked in a small harbor, Katara browsed through several of the trinkets that lined the shelves as her brother and Aang spoke with the sea-farers who ran the store. When she saw a scroll with a blue Water Tribe insignia on it, she pulled the parchment out of its shelf and unrolled it. After she took in the images and instructions of a water bending maneuver, her eyes lit up. "Look at this, Aang! It's a water bending scroll!"

Hakoda's daughter took a closer look as her friend approached. "Check out these crazy moves!"

The tattooed youth smiled and glanced at a middle-aged man in maroon with a green reptile-bird on his shoulder. "Where'd you get a water bending scroll?"

The man in charge of the shop slammed his ruddy palm down on top of the paper. "Let's just say I got it up North at a most reasonable price." He rolled up the document. "Free." He then slid the scroll back in its shelf.

Across the room, Sokka perked up. "Wait a minute…" He steadily became more and more tense. "Sea-loving traders,… with suspiciously acquired merchandise,…" His eyes bulged. "…And pet reptile-birds?"

Hakoda's son spun around and spat as he spoke and glared at one of the shopkeepers. "You guys are PIRATES!"

The pirate in yellow gently put his arm around the boy as the youth's teeth chattered. "We prefer to think of ourselves as 'high-risk traders.'"

Back on the other end of the store, Katara looked at the two bronze coins in her hand. She then gently closed her fist and glanced at the pirate captain. "So, how much for the 'traded' scroll?"

The captain stared back at the girl and her bald friend. "I've already got a buyer: a nobleman in the Earth Kingdom." He then leaned towards them. "Unless, of course, you kids have… two hundred gold pieces on ya, right now!"

Suddenly, the two children broke into laughter.

"What's so funny?"

Katara slowly settled down. "Your lame attempt at a bluff… Now, seriously, how much?"

"Two hundred gold pieces!" The captain watched the two youths raise their eyebrows. "Hehe, too much for ya, eh?"

Aang shook his head. "Nooooo… What's too much is your complete idiocy."

The captain quickly drew his broad sword. "Boy, you best be watching your mouth!"

The Avatar tsked. "Really? You have a scroll worth a small fortune, yet you think it's a good idea to just leave it out in the open like that with this other junk. Honestly, how can an entire group of people be so crafty and so dumb at the same time?" He watched the captain's sword shake.

"Well,… um… We thought someone might come along and buy it right now… Yeah!"

Katara put her hands on her hips. "You thought that someone, in _this _port, with 200 gold coins, would spend it on a water bending scroll?"

"Wow… oh… wow…" The captain lowered hid blade. "You're right. That is _incredibly _stupid!" He slowly put his hand on his forehead. "Oh, wow, we are so bad at being pirates that-." He glanced down and saw all three children and their lemur gone. "Hey! Where'd they go?"

The pirate in yellow shrugged. "They left. I think they took the scroll with them."

"So we got duped by kids too? Oh, _spirits_, we suck!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Avatar and his friends landed in their small campground, a few miles away from the port town, Aang folded in his glider staff and began slumping against a rock as a waterfall dropped into a very close lake. "I used to look up to pirates, but those guys were terrible."<p>

Katara smiled sheepishly. "I know. That's why I took…" She whipped out the scroll. "…_this_."

The last air bender pushed himself to his feet and stared at his female friend. "No way…"

Hakoda's daughter smiled brightly. "Isn't it great?"

Sokka stepped forward and glared at his sister. "No wander they were trying to hack us up, you stole their water bending scroll."

The Water Tribe girl smirked and crossed her arms. "I prefer to think of it as 'high-risk trading.'"

Aang chuckled. "Good one, Katara."

"Sokka, where do you think _they_ got it? They stole it from a water bender."

"It doesn't matter. You put all of our lives in danger just so you could learn some stupid fancy splashes!" The dark-skinned boy waved his hands mockingly while his sister glared at him.

"_These_ are real water bending forms! You know how crucial it is for Aang to learn water bending!"

Sokka huffed and then began walking away. "Whatever… Let's just find Appa and get out of here."

Aang raised an eyebrow. "Why leave? We've got a great water source right here."

The Water Tribe boy rolled his eyes. "Duhhhhhh… Because my idiot sister just stole an expensive scroll from pirates, so it'd be a _real_ bad idea to stick around the area that we know they're in, especially when we can be, like, 50 miles away from here in an hour by riding a sky bison that they don't know we have."

Katara blinked twice. "Wow… Insults aside, that makes a whole lot of sense." She slipped the scroll into her sash. "Come on, Aang, let's quickly pack up camp so Appa can get us somewhere safe."

The last air bender smiled as he nodded. "If we hurry, we could be practicing these moves by nightfall."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As an old man and scarred teen in Fire Nation army uniforms eyed one of the statues in his ship, the pirate captain listened to his crewman in yellow as his reptile-bird perched on his shoulder.<p>

"We lost the Water Tribe girl and the little bald monk she was traveling with."

Zuko perked up and quickly turned towards the shop owners. "This monk, did he have an arrow on-?"

The captain quickly held out an arm. "Just one second, kid." He then turned back to his subordinate. "What'd you do with the other boy they were with?"

The pirate in yellow shook his head. "He got away with them."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Then why didn't you say that too?"

"Huh?"

"You said 'we lost the _Water Tribe girl_ and the _little bald monk_ she was traveling with.' Well, why didn't you also mention that the Water Tribe boy escaped too? Do we have any reason to think he's more or less threatening or important than the other two? As a matter of fact, why were you that specific at all about who got away? I know this might come off as nit-picking, but we weren't chasing anyone else. Why didn't you just tell me 'the kids got away' or 'we lost them'?"

The pirate in yellow scratched his head. "You know, I don't know. It was as if something was forcing me, rather blatantly and in an overly cliché manner, to speak rather loudly about details of our targets which you obviously already knew about and, therefore, were unnecessary to say." He shrugged. "There really was no reason for me to emphasize those details nor skip out on talking about the other boy. And actually, when you think about it, it made the conversation sound _very _unnatural."

The captain glanced down at the counter between them and shook his head. "Weird…" He then looked up at the scarred teen in his store. "I'm sorry, kid, you were saying?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With his men standing behind him and the pirates beside him, Prince Zuko glared at Katara as the rope around her wrists kept her bound to the wooden pole that protruded out of the moonlit beach. "Tell me where he is and I won't hurt you or your brother."<p>

The water bender snarled. "Go jump in the river!"

The Fire Nation youth softened his gaze and glanced at the ground. He then looked up at the girl and kept his voice calm as he approached her. "Try to understand…" He started walking around her. "…I need to capture him to restore something I've lost." The scarred boy leaned close to her left ear. "My honor."

When he saw the Water Tribe girl turn away with a scowl, Zuko smirked. "Perhaps in exchange, I can restore something you've lost." He then kept his half grin as he put the girl's necklace just in front of her throat.

Katara immediately looked down, but then blinked twice. "What is it? I can't see it."

Zuko raised his only eyebrow. "What do you mean 'you can't see it'?"

"Just what I said." Hakoda's daughter then gave a light laugh. "I don't know how your eyes work, but mine can't see through my cheeks, my jaw, or my chin. So, I don't know what kind of dramatic moment you were trying to make when you put whatever that is right in front of my neck, but it was a wasted on the fact that no person can see a thin piece of cloth, jewelry, or anything that is just a centimeter or two away from their neck."

**[[Go ahead, kids, try this at home. Tear off a thin piece of cloth from a rag or shirt no one cares about and put it just in front of your neck without it touching. We're talking just enough distance that if you pulled it any closer, you'd feel it. Then, try to look down and see it. You can't do it.]]**

The prince's face turned as red as his scar as the pirates snickered and his men suppressed their laughter. "It… it's your damn necklace… ok?" He pulled it in front of her face.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko looked upon the band of pirates as the Avatar and the Water Tribe boy stood bound among them. "Nice work." As he walked towards the ruffians with their parchment in hand, his eyes glanced over each man, but saw no bleeding or bruise marks. When he counted and discovered there were just as many as before he stopped in his tracks. "Um… who among you <em>specifically<em> captured these two?"

The pirate captain scoffed. "If it makes a difference, it was these three." He pointed to a man wearing blue and two shirtless men.

"Was it... _just_ those three?"

The captain rolled his eyes. "Errrg… Yes! Now will you _please_ hand over the-." He saw Zuko's eyes narrow and turn red as he snarled viciously. "Whoa! What's _your_ problem? We did what you wanted!"

The fire prince slowly shook his head. "Oh, I'm not mad at you." He pointed at the Avatar. "I'M FURIOUS AT HIM!"

Aang watched the pirates scoot back as Zuko glared at him. "M… me?"

"Yes, you!" The scarred boy threw his hands into the air. "When I come at you with a dozen men, rhinos, and all the fire I can summon, you can't beat us down fast enough! But, when _three_ pirates use cruder then crude weapons, it's OH SO HOPELESS?"

Ozai's son dropped hands and scoffed. "I mean, really, what did they do? What could these guys _possibly_ use that got you so quickly and didn't leave all of them with shattered ribs and broken necks?"

The last air bender shirked back as he gritted his teeth. "They… uh… caught me in a net…"

Zuko's jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. "Please tell me your #`*&-ing me." When he saw the boy shake his head, he felt his whole body tense as his fingers squeezed into tight fists. "A NET? A $%^-ING NET? I come at you with swords, spears, sulfur bombs, huge animals, and all the fire in my veins, but all I needed to do, from day 1, was throw a SPIRITS-DAMNED NET ON YOU?"

Aang steeled himself and glared back. "Hey, you think I'm any less pissed? In case you haven't noticed, I'm currently missing my ten-ton bison right now! If that son of a female rabbit-dog actually bothered to hang around, I'd wouldn't have to worry about stupid things like this!"

The tattooed youth growled. "Honestly, I can understand not being at the campsite when we got back from the market, but, by nightfall, that mother $%^-er shoulda' been back!"

Zuko's body relaxed a little as he put one hand on his hip. "You know, I've been wondering about that. Where does that thing go? It seems like it could easily dominate any fight, but never shows up when the action's going."

The Avatar tsked and glanced to the side. "I don't know, but I hope he's dousing himself in mango sauce, 'cause I'm ready to turn him into bison steaks."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang and Sokka darted away from the cloud of smoke that Zuko's men and the pirates battled in as they hurried towards where Hakoda's daughter pushed on the pirate's ship. "Katara, you're ok!" She quickly turned her head.<p>

"Help me get this boat back into the water so we can get out of here!"

As their enemies battled, Sokka, his sister, and his friend pushed and pushed. However, when the ship refused to budge, they stopped. "We'd need a team of rhinos to budge this ship!"

The monk's face beamed. "A team of rhinos... or we could just run into the woods."

Sokka snapped his fingers and smiled. "Yeah, good idea! By the time they're done fighting, they won't know which way we went and we'll be long gone any way!"

Katara nodded. "That's a very good plan that won't take any time or delay us in any way. Let's go!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang stood at the back of the pirates' ship as he watched the ruffians, in Zuko's boat, catch up to them. As they sailed down the river, he turned around and looked at the Water Tribe boy, who stood at the wheel. "Sokka, can't you make it go any faster?"<p>

"Yeah, blow into the sails, ya' moron! You're an air bender!"

The Avatar gritted his teeth and glanced to the side. "Oh yeah,… I forgot."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh, I loved making Zuko blow up at Aang like that. I think that would honestly be my reaction if a tiny net had thwarted an enemy I had done everything in my power to defeat. Zuko and Katara shippers, sorry to ruin your moment. I let a lot of things slide, but x-ray vision isn't one of them.**

**Looking forward to your reviews and remember to give some kind words of healing encouragement, my breast bone could use the boost.**

**That's all for now, folks. Join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 10  
><strong>

**Jet**


	9. Book 1: Chapter 10

_Well, with Zuko and Katara's budding romance out of the way, we now turn to Jet and Katara's fling. Most of you will remember Jet for his lies which are stupid, horribly planned, and are made so only morons would believe them._

_That issue is addressed. Enjoy._

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 10<strong>

Deep in a large forest, shaded by amber leaves, Aang groaned as Momo slept calmly on top of the backpack on his back. With Sokka leading him, Katara, the lemur, and Appa, who walked just a few steps behind them all, the last air bender let out a loud whine. "Walking stinks! How do people go anywhere without a flying bison?"

Behind the bald boy, Hakoda's daughter put on a fake smile as she lugged her own bags. "I don't know, Aang. Why don't you ask Sokka's instincts? They seem to know everything." Her brother groaned as his pack weighed on his body.

"Ha ha, very funny."

The Avatar formed a small sneer on his face. "I'm tired of carrying this heavy pack."

Katara fake-smiled again. "You know who you should ask to carry it for a while? Sokka's instincts!"

Aang mimicked the girl's phony grin. "That's a great idea! Hey, Sokka's instincts, do you mind-?"

The Water Tribe boy snarled. "Ok ok, I get it!" He approached two bushes with red leaves. "Look, guys, I'm tired too." He pushed the branches aside. "But the important thing is that we're safe from the Fire… Nation…" The three youths and the lemur passed through the foliage and found themselves in a clearing and standing face to face with almost 20 Fire Nation soldiers.

The red and black-armored men looked up from their seats and bowls of soup as the tallest child yelled, "Run!"

The Avatar and his friends dropped their bags and hurried away as the soldiers grabbed their swords and spears and hurried after them. One soldier with an eye patch launched a fire ball over their heads and blew the bushes in their path into a pillar of flames.

Sokka's eyes widened at the bonfire. "We're cut off!"

Aang pointed at his friend's immolated shoulder. "Sokka, your shirt!"

Katara watched her brother scramble as she bent water out of her pouch and doused the small blaze on his arm. However, at that moment, they found themselves cornered by the company of sword and spear-wielding men.

Hakoda's son steeled himself and stepped forward as his companions took battle stances. "If you let us pass, we promise not to harm you."

The water bender cringed. "What are you doing?"

The girl's brother glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. "… What? They might not guess by the look of Aang, but he's got enough wind power to blow them to the moon. Besides, they should at least consider it, seeing as we have a ten-ton flying monster who's..." Sokka then blinked twice before glancing from one side of the clearing to the other, but unable to spot even a hair of the enormous creature who walked mere steps behind him moments ago.

All of the dark-skinned boy's teeth grinded together while his hands clenched into tight fists. "… who's gonna be BISON STEAKS!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As battle ensued around him, one Fire Nation soldier raised his sword at the Water Tribe boy, who lifted his machete-club over his head. Before either could swing, the soldier felt something strike him in his helmet-covered skull and he began to slip into unconsciousness. With an ounce of awareness left, he turned his body towards what hit him and saw the shaft of a spear. "This armor… does… <em>nothing<em>…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>While the Freedom Fighters calmly looted the Fire Nation campsite, Katara slowly approached their leader as he sat under the shade of a tree with a piece of wheat in his mouth. Her hands lay folded behind her back and a bright smile spread across her face. "Um… Thanks for saving us, Jet." She breathed heavily. "We were lucky you were there."<p>

The hook sword-wielder smirked back. "I should be thanking you. We were waiting to ambush those soldiers all morning, we just needed the right distraction." He pulled the straw out of his mouth. "Then you guys stumbled in."

The water bender narrowed her gaze and glanced behind her at her brother. "We were relying on instinc…" The girl's eyes shot open as she looked back at the scruffy-haired boy. "Wait, did you say you were waiting for a distraction?"

Jet raised an eyebrow. "Um… yeah. Why?"

Katara tsked and dropped her arms. "Wow… Ok, we 'stumbled in' when they were sitting down and eating lunch. Only, like, three guys were holding their weapons. How much of a distraction do you need after that?"

Before the Freedom Fighter could reply, the Water Tribe girl turned around and laughed with a mocking tone in her voice. "Oh, spirits, that's sad!" She then wiped a small tear from her eye. "And to think, I almost fell head over heals for you."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sokka watched Jet, Pipsqueak, and Smellerbee communicate via fake bird calls as all four stood on the thick limbs of the trees in the forest. When the Freedom Fighters finished their 'talk' Hakoda's son jammed his machete club into his branch's trunk.<p>

Jet turned around and saw the other boy putting his ear against the handle of the blade. "What are you doing?"

"Shhh. It amplifies vibrations."

The scruffy-haired boy smiled. "Good trick… I bet you've used it plenty of times in the past and will certainly use it many times over in the future. Especially if you come across someone who could, I don't know why I'm picking this in particular, but 'see' with vibrations in earth bending. His or her 'earth bending sight' combined with that would allow him or her to see for miles."

Hakoda's son nodded. "That _is_ an odd scenario. But, yeah, it would be horribly stupid if I never used this trick again nor used it to boost someone's 'earth bending sight,' should I ever run into such a person."

"Stupid indeed."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Jet looked up from his seat in his tree house as the Water Tribe boy glared at him and Katara and Aang stared at the boy with wide, hopeful eyes. "Sokka, you told them we attacked an old man, but you didn't mention that the guy was Fire Nation?"<p>

The water bender put her hands on her hips and glared at her brother. "_No_. He 'conveniently' left that part out."

Hakoda's son threw his hands into the air. "Fine, but even if he was Fire Nation, he was a harmless civilian!"

Jet pulled a curving dagger from his tunic. "He's an assassin!" After slamming the blade into a table, he twisted the ring at the bottom of the small weapon's handle. "See? There's a compartment for poison in the knife." The Freedom Fighter pulled out a small vile of pink liquid. "He was sent to eliminate me." The teen glanced up. "You helped save my life, Sokka."

Katara and her bald friend smiled. "I knew there was an explanation."

Sokka, however, furrowed his brow. "Are you guys serious?" He watched his sister and friend continue to stare at Jet and smile. "You do realize his reasoning involves a knife, that was _hidden_, and that it was poisoned, because of a _hidden_ compartment, which he only 'found out' because he ambushed, _by surprise_, and attacked, _unprovoked_, an old guy as he was taking a stroll."

Jet continued to chew on his wheat. "You didn't see it 'cause he was concealing it."

Katara gestured her hand forward. "See, Sokka?"

As his traveling companions continued to look on with wide eyes and pleasant grins, Hakoda's son threw his hands out. "Look, I'm not even questioning that the dagger is poisoned! I mean, I have never seen anyone coat a blade in poison by having it work like a syringe or something. But I'm willing to believe that, somewhere in this crazy, magical, and mixed-up world, someone engineered a poisoned dagger that works like that. I will _completely_ believe that! But are you trying to tell me that you two are actually buying this tiger-bull of a story?"

Aang turned and smiled at his friend. "Way to save the day, Sokka."

"GRAHHH!" The Water Tribe boy stormed off. "Stupid benders…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Hakoda's son slept on a rolled up knapsack and inside a tree hut, faint sounds trickled into his ear. His eyes then shot open and he made his way towards the door of his and his companions dwelling. Pulling the entry flap aside, he saw, in the full moonlight, Jet and several of his companions quietly sliding down to the forest floor; the Water Tribe boy narrowed his eyes and followed.<p>

Landing on a large branch, Sokka watched the Freedom Fighters load up a wooden cart with barrels and canisters and begin taking it towards the Earth Kingdom town.

Several minutes later, as sunlight barely crept over the horizon, Jet led his crew to the tip of a cliff overlooking the town and a wooden damn. "Now listen…" He pointed to his men. "…you're not to blow the damn until I give the signal. If the reservoir isn't full, the Fire Nation troops could survive."

The Duke looked up at the teen. "But what about the people in the town? Won't they get wiped out too?"

The hooksword-wielder put his hand on the little boy's shoulder. "Look, Duke, that's the price of ridding this area of the Fire Nation." He then pointed at his archer friend. "Now don't blow the damn 'til I give the signal. Got it?"

From behind nearby bushes, Sokka watched with widened eyes as the archer nodded. He then heard rustling behind him and raised an eyebrow just before Pipsqueak grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up. "Ow! Agh!" He struggled and jerked until Smellerbee brought the curved, poisoned dagger close to his throat.

"Where do you think you're going, Ponytail?"

Moments later, as the sun shined high in the sky, the leader of the Freedom Fighters stood at the edge of the cliff as his men dragged Katara's brother towards him. "Sokka… I'm glad you decided to join us."

Hakoda's son felt himself thrown on the ground at Jet's feet. He then clutched his right shoulder as he glared up at the teen. However, in the next second his eyes widened and he frantically looked left and right.

The hooksword-wielder raised an eyebrow. "Are you paying attention to me? We're going to free this valley from the Fire Nation." However, he watched the Water Tribe boy continue to stare in every direction. "Alright! What are you looking at?"

Sokka slowly turned back towards the scruffy-haired teen and pointed at the sky. "It's the middle of the day…"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, like 10 seconds ago, it was barely light out."

Behind the water bender's brother, Smellerbee blinked twice. "Oh by the spirits, He's right!" She clutched her bushy hair. "When we grabbed this guy, it was still night, the sun was barely rising at most, now look at our shadows! It's high $%^-ing noon! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?"

**[[Yes, this actually happens. Sokka gets found when it's hardly dawn, commercial break, next thing you know, it's the middle of the day.]]**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there you have it. From the spawn of Zuko and Katara's relationship to the spawn of Jet and Katara's. I'm really proud of how this one came out, especially because, at first glance, I didn't see too much wrong with it other than Appa deserving to be bison steaks. However, I took another glance at it and, just like that, saw more and more and the sun going from the horizon to the middle of the sky in three seconds.**

**I was thinking of putting in a bit about why Jet didn't kill any of the Fire Nation troops he battled at the beginning, but realized that it was probably because they all ran away too fast. By the way, anyone wanna wager on what happens when a defenseless young Fire Nation girl crosses paths with the Freedom Fighters? *shivers***

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 11**

**The Great Divide**


	10. Book 1: Chapter 11

_Today we deal with the lamest of lame episodes: __The Great Divide__. An episode about two tribes of people who are feuding with each other abou- ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz…_

_Enjoy._

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 11<strong>

The sun shined brightly on the cliffs overlooking the Great Divide as the Zhang, dressed in animal hide and brandishing crude weapons, argued with the Gan Jin, who wore elegant clothes and held refined martial tools.

After Katara, her brother, and the Avatar glanced back and forth between the two groups, the young woman turned to her air bending friend. "Well, Aang? Ready to put your peace-making skills to the test?"

The tattooed youth looked down. "I dunno. A… fight over chores is one thing." He raised his head. "These people have been feuding for 100 years."

Hakoda's daughter immediately marched forward. "Everyone, listen up!" She pointed at the Air Nomad. "This is the Avatar! And if you give him a chance, I'm sure he can come up with a compromise that will make everyone happy!"

Aang glanced left and right. "Uh… You could share the earth bender and travel together?"

The Gan Jin's leader scowled. "Absolutely not. We'd rather be captured by the Fire Nation then travel with _those_ stinking thieves!" He pointed at the Zhang.

The Zhang's leader narrowed her eyes and pointed back at the Gan Jin. "We wouldn't travel with you pompous fools anyway."

As both tribes began bickering back and forth, Aang's brow began to furrow and he slowly growled. "Alright! Here's the deal! You're all going down together and Appa here will fly your sick and elderly across with me and my friends! Does that seem fair?"

Both tribe leaders nodded and the Avatar smiled. Behind the young boy, Sokka smiled too.

"Man, I'm glad we're flying across."

Aang shrugged. "Well, with the feuding this bad, we'd have to make sure their sick and elderly don't try to kill each other on Appa's back. Plus, I like playing the good Samaritan, but we're in a hurry to save the world and there's no reason we have to go through all this with them."

Sokka's sister nodded. "Spirits, that'd have been a bore."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the canyon, Aang spun his staff in a circle and created a mini-tornado. The spiraling wind trapped and twirled the vicious black and brown bug at high speeds. Then, the Avatar pulled and swung his staff, turning the cyclone into a whip that smacked the giant insect into the wall.<p>

The bug snarled and snapped as it ran off into a hole in the stone wall.

Meanwhile, the Air Nomad slumped and faced the earth bending-guide. "What was that?"

The guide lay sprawled out with his right arm and leg in awkward positions. "Canyon crawler… oh… ah… And there's sure to be more…"

Kneeling beside the old man, Katara held one of his upper limbs. "Your arms! They're broken!"

The guide cringed. "Without my arms, I got no bending. In other words…"

Aang's eyes widened. "We're trapped in this canyon…" He then snapped his fingers. "Oh, wait, no we aren't!"

Sokka glanced at the bald boy. "We're not?"

"Of course not." The air bender lightly smacked his forehead. "Duh! I'm the Avatar! The guide is an earth bender!"

The Zhang leader raised an eyebrow. "So…?"

"_So_, he can teach me a few simple earth bending moves and we'll be fine. Spirit's, we're right near the little path way we just walked down and he only broke a small piece of it to keep people from following us. I'll bet, give an hour or two, I'll know enough to at least put that back together. After that, I'll fly across with my glider, get Appa, and we'll just fly everyone over in small groups at a time."

Katara smiled. "Wow, Aang, that's a really good and obvious plan that makes a whole lot of sense."

The leader of the Gan Jin nodded. "I agree. It would be awfully stupid of you to have forgotten that you have the capability to earth bend, seeing as your main identity blatantly revolves around that fact."

The nomad chuckled. "It sure would be."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The Gan Jin leader kept his eyes sealed as he recounted the story of Jin Wei and Wei Jin to Katara. "…Our people have never forgotten." He opened his eyes. "You can never trust a Zhang."<p>

Hakoda's daughter raised an eyebrow. "Well, that sounds like a really awful story, and I probably would share in your discontent, but I just had a REALLY SIGNIFICANT eye-opening experience with this guy named 'Jet'… He kinda had the same mentality about all Fire Nation, including defenseless old people. So there's really no reason for me to follow a mantra that says that an entire people are defined by the actions of one person."

The water bender shrugged. "If I did listen to such a mentality, it would kinda make an outside observer wonder why I didn't still love that guy. Also,… pretty much discredit that entire events significance."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The young Avatar led both feuding tribes to the end of the canyon and landed between them as they began to bicker. "Please, everyone. As soon as we get out of here, we can eat. Then go our separate ways. But I need you all to put your heads together and figure out a way up this cliff."<p>

The Gan Jin leader stepped forward and began to talk, but before he could Sokka raised his hand.

"Aang, just use your bison whistle."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Yeah, your whistle." Hakoda's son began making swooping motions with one of his hands. "Appa will fly down, carry up a few people at a time, then come back down and repeat. It may take an hour, plus/minus a five minute break, but it's a pretty straight forward way to get outta here."

The last air bender smiled. "Wow. Good idea, buddy. That's a very logical and obvious way to get out of this canyon, which anyone who had more than a day to ponder a solution to would _obviously_ have figured out."

Hakoda's son shrugged and smirked. "I do what I can."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Man, this episode isn't that good to make fun of. Seriously, the most uninteresting chapter is also the one that has the least room for jokes. Cripes, this chapter sucks.**

**On a semi-related note, this was actually the first episode of AtLA I ever watched, which kinda explains why I didn't watch another one until I accidentally turned on a rerun of the season 1 finale when Aang was talking to Koh.**

**Ah, memories…**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 12**

**The Storm**


	11. Book 1: Chapter 12

_Oh my spirits, __The Storm__! Finally, oh finally we are here! *tingles in anticipation* I have been waiting for AGES to tear into this one. Prepare for my best yet, folks. It'll be so good, in fact, I can guarantee, you will not watch this episode the same way again after reading this chapter of…_

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 12<strong>

As Prince Zuko's ship sailed towards thick, grey clouds, Lieutenant Jee, surrounded by several crewmen, crossed his arms and glared at the scarred teen. "Looks like your uncle was right about the storm after all."

Iroh brought his palms up. "Lucky guess."

Zuko, however, turned and narrowed his eyes on the officer. "Lieutenant!" He marched over to the man. "You'd better learn some respect." The prince jabbed him in the chest with two fingers. "Or I will teach it to you."

Jee furrowed his bow as the prince started to walk away. "What do _you_ know about respect?" He saw the boy stop in his tracks. "The way you talk to everyone around here, from your hardworking crew to your esteemed uncle, shows you know _nothing_ about respect!" The officer threw his arms out. "You don't care about anyone but yourself!

"Then again, what should I expect from a spoiled prince."

Ozai's son twitched before he spun around, glaring hard at the man who spoke. "Excuse me? '_Hardworking_ crew'? '_Esteemed_ uncle?'" The teen pointed at Jee. "Let me ask exactly who you're referring to.

"When you talk about the 'hardworking' members of my crew, are you talking about the ones who got beat by the Avatar's water bending friend back at the South Pole? You remember, the one that couldn't even bend straight at the time? Or are you talking about the crewmen who ratted out the Avatar's existence to Zhao? Oh no, wait, don't tell me, you were talking about the full-grown, adult, 'hardworking' crew who got their butts kicked on Kyoshi Island by _teenagers_ who had _no_ actual combat experience! _Right_?"

Zuko threw his hands into the air. "For Agni's sake, they were wearing dresses. Dresses! You ever see a woman run in a dress? They have to pick it up to allow their feet to move quickly and easily. Yet, all members of my 'hardworking crew' got beat with ease! Did I get beat with ease? No! I smacked down four of them and made it clear I was their daddy with _one_ attack!

The prince dropped his arms. "Or maybe you're talking about the 'hardworking' members of my crew who can't do, in vast numbers with swords, spears, and rhinos, what three pirates and A NET can do!"

The banished teen then pointed at Iroh. "And don't even get me started on Mr. Never-help-his-nephew-attack-the-Avatar-and-instead-waste-money-at-a-port-looking-for-a-pai-sho-piece! Mr. Get-caught-by-some-random-putz-earth-benders-while-sleeping-naked-in-a-hot-spring-in-THEIR-TERRITORY! Or Mr. Make-me-have-tea-time-with-Zhao-who-clearly-wants-to-get-the-Avatar-first!"

Zuko then pulled his hands to his side and marched forward, staring down Jee. "So, tell me again, who is it I'm supposed to respect around here?"

The Lieutenant gulped and glanced left and right.

"Yeah. That's what I thought. Now, how 'bout you shut the $%^ up and go back to doing what the _only_ competent person on this ship with a sense of responsibility tells you to do?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within a beige-stone room of the Southern Air Temple, Aang sat in front of the five eldest monks, who sat on small platforms. "How do you know it's me?"<p>

The monk to the right of the center began searching through his robes. "We have known you were the avatar for some time." He pulled out a rolled up piece of fabric. "Do you remember theses?" With a small gust of air, he blew the cloth to the young air bender. It landed directly in front of the boy and opened smoothly to reveal a toy swirl stick, a monkey, a wind-up propeller, and a turtle.

Both eyes of the youth widened as he smiled. "Those were some of my favorite toys when I was little!"

The monk watched as the Avatar picked up the propeller. "You chose them from among thousands of toys, Aang. The toys you picked, were the four avatar relics. These relics belonged to avatars pasts. Your own past lives." He saw the boy smile and pull on the propeller's string.

"I just chose them because they seemed fun." The propeller spun and flew about the room.

"You chose them because they were familiar."

Opposite the monk that gave Aang his toys, Gyatso looked at the child with sad eyes. "Normally, we would have told you of your identity when you turned 16. But there are troubling signs. Storm clouds are gathering."

As he watched the young boy's eyes widen, the center monk spoke. "I fear that war may be upon us, young avatar."

Gyatso nodded. "We need you, Aang."

The child lowered his head and sighed. "So I guess I have to train while you make battle tactics and escape plans?"

All of the monks glanced at each other until the center monk stared at the boy. "What do you mean?"

Aang looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Well, you said war may be upon us, so I'm guessing that means you guys'll be prepared with plans and escape routes and everything so we can defend the temple."

The monk that gave the boy his toys tsked. "Oh, please. Anyone who attacks us would have to climb 3,000 feet up a practically vertical slope while we throw just about anything at them to make them fall off. Plus, even if we didn't want to kill, we could easily delay them while the sky bison took people to safety in droves."

The center monk chuckled. "Yes, we would have to be the stupidest people existence has ever created to not follow through with such simple tactics if we get invaded."

Gyatso laughed. "Stupid? Try: most retarded ever! It'd be like shouting, 'Hey, Darwinism! We're over here!'"

Everyone in the room burst into side-splitting laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Think that scene could have gone another way? You're damn right it could have!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Within a beige-stone room of the Southern Air Temple, Aang sat in front of the five eldest monks, who sat on small platforms. "How do you know it's me?"<p>

The monk to the right of the center began searching through his robes. "We have known you were the avatar for some time." He pulled out a rolled up piece of fabric. "Do you remember theses?" With a small gust of air, he blew the cloth to the young air bender. It landed directly in front of the boy and opened smoothly to reveal a toy swirl stick, a monkey, a wind-up propeller, and a turtle.

Both eyes of the youth widened as he smiled. "Those were some of my favorite toys when I was little!"

The monk watched as the Avatar picked up the propeller. "You chose them from among thousands of toys, Aang. The toys you picked, were the four avatar relics. These relics belonged to avatars pasts. Your own past lives." He saw the boy smile and pull on the propeller's string.

"I just chose them because they seemed fun." The propeller spun and flew about the room.

"You chose them because they were familiar."

Opposite the monk that gave Aang his toys, Gyatso looked at the child with sad eyes. "Normally, we would have told you of your identity when you turned 16. But there are troubling signs. Storm clouds are gathering."

As he watched the young boy's eyes widen, the center monk spoke. "I fear that war may be upon us, young avatar."

Gyatso nodded. "We need you, Aang."

The child lowered his head and sighed. "I suppose… at least I'll get to meet masters of the other elements soon."

All of the monks looked at him with raised eyebrows.

The tattooed youth looked back at them. "What? You mean you were going to just keep me here and teach me more air bending?"

The monk in the center nodded. "Well, yes. We figured we could drill you on a few advanced techniques."

Aang dropped his jaw. "Are you serious?" When all five elders nodded, he threw his arms into the air. "You want me to solve some huge calamity and all you want me to know is air bending? Air benders aren't gonna start this war! We're peaceful monks with no military! Obviously I need to know the tactics and powers that the enemy will be using. Plus, you'd have to be down right stupid on every level to think that more powers and techniques would be _bad_! By the spirits, I know we don't engage in war at all, but even you can't be that dense! I mean, if nothing else, you should be doing it for the sake of the avatar's destiny! Spirits, you people are stupid!"

Gyatso cringed as he looked at the other monks. "You know… if we _are_ this stupid, maybe we deserve to die?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the bowls of Prince Zuko's ship, Lieutenant Jee and three other officers sat around a fire inside a barrel as the grey-haired man drank and scowled. "I'm sick of taking his orders! Tired of chasing his avatar!" He threw his hand out into the air. "I mean, who does Zuko think he is?"<p>

The man in green, to Jee's left raised an eyebrow. "Are you seriously asking this?" All the men around the fire stared at him. "By the spirits, you are!"

The man in green groaned and shook his head. "Look, I know it must be strange for all of us to have been on this ship for three years now and not know the prince's truest reason for trying to capture the Avatar, but do you realize that he's been this driven after three years of constant failure and only, like, two months ago, finding that the Avatar even existed? _Two months_! Of course he's gonna be driven like mad ostrich-horse!

"Not only that, do you guys realize the importance of our job at this point?" The man in green saw his fellow crewmen shaking their heads. "We're doing _the_ most important job in all of the Fire Nation!"

Jee blinked twice. "W… we are?"

"YES! Look, it's well established to everyone who pays even the slightest attention to events, that the Avatar is the only person who can stop us from winning this war with the comet so close! Why the Fire Lord isn't putting his most elite of elite troops on this ship with us is beyond me, but what I do know is that, if we fail, the Fire Nation looses a 100-year war!"

The man in green took a long breath and stared at his fellow crewmen. "So, yeah. I know Zuko's a little short-tempered and we're all a bit high strung, but with such an important task on everyone's shoulders, especially his, are a few snide remarks from a kid really worth blowing it?"

Lieutenant Jee blinked twice. "Wow… Now that I think about it, it was _incredibly_ selfish of me to talk like this and to treat Zuko like how I did." He put his cup down. "I'm gonna go apologize to him."

* * *

><p><strong>[[You know what's really cool about that scene? The other way it could have gone.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Within the bowls of Prince Zuko's ship, Lieutenant Jee and three other officers sat around a fire inside a barrel as the grey-haired man drank and scowled. "I'm sick of taking his orders! Tired of chasing his avatar!" He threw his hand out into the air. "I mean, who does Zuko think he is?"<p>

The man in green, to Jee's left raised an eyebrow. "Are you seriously asking this?" All the men around the fire stared at him. "By the spirits, you are!"

A long huff came out of the man's throat. "Who the hell are you or _anyone_ on this ship to complain? Incase you've forgotten, we have, literally, been getting paid for two years to do _nothing_ except travel across the world, visit the most exotic locations on the globe, and interact with people in every port on the planet. Sure, there may have been a scuffle or two with an enemy ship, but we still had it pretty sweet.

"And now, according to you, it's a curse from the Spirit World that we have to actually do work! Work, which I may add, offers almost no threat of death, seeing as how that boy refuses to kill and is a lot less risky then the countless soldiers who are dying on the frontline! Honestly, Lieutenant, _why_ are you complaining?"

Lieutenant Jee blinked twice. "Wow… Now that I think about it, it was _incredibly_ selfish of me to talk like this and to treat Zuko like how I did." He put his cup down. "I'm gonna go apologize to him."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Fire Lord Ozai's war chamber, a young Prince Zuko sat among old generals, in Fire Nation armor, around a map of the Earth Kingdom as their lord sat on his throne behind a curtain of flames. Among the military commanders, one stood and held a sliding tool as tokens for Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom soldiers lay strewn about the map.<p>

"The Earth Kingdoms defenses are concentrated here. A dangerous battalion of their strongest earth benders and fiercest warriors. So I am recommending the 41st division."

Across the map, a general with a long beard put a hand on his knee. "But the 41st is entirely new recruits. How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?"

The first general smirked. "I don't." His wicked smile thickened as he looked around the room. "They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait then fresh meat?"

Zuko glared and pushed himself up, but before he could stand, the general with the beard spoke.

"That's beyond stupid."

The first general glared back. "How dare you insult me so!"

An old, bald man beside the one with the long beard rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease. He's so right."

The first general saw all his peers nod in agreement. "Wh… what do you mean?"

"Hehe… Ok, let's all break this down for General Retard here. First off, remember how a division is comprised of over thousands of troops?"

"Yes, I know that!"

"So you understand that there would be more than one officer leading it, right?"

"To keep so many men and women in line? Of course! Now what is with these degrading insults?"

The bald general pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Are you honestly trying to tell me that you think that _none_ of those officers will know or have heard stories about this super-fierce battalion that we are sending their men to fight and won't realize something's up?"

The first general crossed his arms. "Ha! You think me so foolish, we could easily replace them with ignorant officers or those willing to comply. If we can't find any like that, we'll simply lie to them and tell them there'll be others and it's a coordinated attack or something."

The bearded general groaned. "Oh, that's _brilliant thinking_, General Moron, except when: A) They don't see anyone else attacking or even there. And B) Call for a retreat as soon as the fighting starts."

"Then we'll make sure they're ignorant and stupid officers! It will be no real waste!"

"And C) Why do we need to invade this spot anyway? I'm not too sure what it is, but if we can 'mount an attack from the rear' that means we can get around it pretty easily and just hold off attacking it until the comet comes. If it's a mine or some kind of resource depot, we can easily intercept their caravans by making a solid perimeter around all possible routes. And if it's a city, again, just wait for the comet and let them try and beat us back. I mean, in case you've forgotten, this war's been going on for a century and the comet's only 4 years away. They need to kick us out and fast, not vice-versa."

"Well… yeah. But if we get this location taken care of now, we can just-."

"Which brings us to the STUPIDEST part of your plan, which is how to get this attack from the rear going?"

The first general blinked twice. "What?"

The bald general's jaw dropped. "You seriously don't realize this?" The man waved his hand across the board. "If that's the Earth Kingdom's best defense, they're gonna have scouts and lookouts, right?"

"Well… yes. That's only logical."

"So your 'attack from the rear' would have to gather very far out of their scouts' way and out of their lookouts' sight."

"I suppose… seeing as it has to be a rather sizable force to contend with the Earth Kingdom division."

"Now, just so we're all on the same page, you expect a location with the 'most powerful earth benders' and 'fiercest warriors' to not have a general or two who could see their men plowing through the enemy _way_ too easily and not be ready to call at least half of them back as soon as they see us moving it? Seeing us, by the way, from far away, since we couldn't gather close even in the dead of night?"

"B… but the Earth Kingdom troops will be exhausted by then."

"Exhausted from what? They're the most powerful and fiercest! They'll cut down chunks of the 41st like it they were paper. I mean, sure, they won't be at 100%, but at 85-90% that still risks us losing a lot."

Beside his bald peer, the bearded general nodded. "Do you see know how many obvious things could go wrong with this plan? And not only that, with Sozin's Comet, any of the benders in that division will become demigods among men and be well-trained by then! What on Earth were you even thinking?"

The first general lowered his widened eyes. "I… I don't know. After just a little logic and sense, this whole plan crumbles." He then looked up at his fellow commanders. "This isn't the plan of an experienced general, even if he or she was heartless. This is the some half-baked plan of an idiot or two who didn't even bother to talk to any random military advisor to see if this plan sounds _remotely_ creditable and then blurted it out in this war meeting for the sole purpose of inciting a reaction out of someone! I mean, this whole plan never should have been brought to the table, much less spoken about if I had even HALF of the sense that someone in my shoes should have!"

The general who proposed sending thousands of soldiers to their deaths groaned as he sat down. "I am sorry, everyone. I am soooo sorry."

The bearded general grunted. He then suddenly turned towards the son of the Fire Lord. "My apologize, Prince Zuko. You were going to say something?"

The unscarred boy glanced left and right. "Uh… no. Just had a muscle cramp for a sec. Needed to stretch my legs." He then sat down and the war meeting continued.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, Monk Gyatso made his way through the halls of the air temple and knocked on a wooden door. When it creaked open, he pushed his head inside. "Aang? I'm not going to let them take you away from me." The old air bender then stepped all the way into the room. "Aang?"<p>

When the elder monk saw nothing but a rolled-up parchment on the Avatar's bed, he hastily read it and his eyes widened. He then turned his head towards a window where a vicious storm raged.

As Aang described the storm he and Appa flew through to Katara, the tattooed youth sighed. "I never saw Gyatso again… Next thing I knew I was waking up in your arms after you found me in the ice-."

"Hold on!" Katara raised an eyebrow. "You _never_ saw Gyatso again?" She watched the bald boy nod. "Then how do you know about the stuff that happened when you weren't there?"

Aang blinked twice. "I… don't know…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Are you ready to never, and I MEAN NEVER, look at this episode the same way again? I'm serious. If you haven't begun questioning a lot of what's happened in the series by now, you're going to after you read the following scene. In fact, if you aren't ready, go watch this episode and enjoy the bliss one last time.<strong>

**[[You all set? You sure? You absolutely positive?**

**[[Ok, I warned you. Just remember, when I describe something happening from the cannon, it is **_**exactly**_** how it happens in the cannon.]]**

* * *

><p>Around the burning barrel, Iroh held a small goblet as he looked at each of the men. "When Prince Zuko saw it was his father who had come to duel him, he begged for mercy." The Dragon of the West then described, for the men, the Agni Kai arena and the faceless crowd around the platform.<p>

He told them of his nephew cowering before the former general's brother. "Please, father, I only had the fire nation's best interest at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"

Zuko's uncle spoke of how Ozai marched across the battleground. "You will _fight_ for your _honor_."

The old man spared no detail of his nephew prostrating himself before the boy's father. "I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son."

The man who besieged Ba Sing Se for 600 days talked of the Fire Lord continuing towards the man's son. "Rise _and fight_, Prince Zuko!" However, the boy only lowered his head.

"I won't fight you."

The former heir to the Fire Nation throne then shared his brother's next words. "You _will_ learn respect. And _suffering_… will be your teacher!"

Iroh then recounted what happened as he stood in the audience with his eyes focused on the Agni Kai. In front of him, stood his niece, Azula, who smiled cruelly. Behind him, Zhao grinned at the sight. And, as members of the war council surrounded them and wore unflinching frowns, he told the people of Zuko's crew as much as he could about the fire the scarred the prince's face. "I looked away." He said as he described how he closed his eyes and turned his head.

Lieutenant Jee looked down at the floor. He began to speak, but, before he could, the near-toothless man sitting among them began mumbling. "Wait a sec… Something doesn't add up here…"

Next to him, a chubby bald man with a large beard glared at the Dragon of the West. "I'll say it doesn't! Why didn't you stop him?"

Iroh blinked twice. "What?"

The toothless man mumbled again. "No… that's not it…"

Jee stared up at the former general. "He's right, General Iroh, why didn't you stop the fight? You're the only person who had the prestige, the rank, the authority, and the straight power to stop what your brother was going to do! Why didn't you jump in there and stop him?"

"Hang on guys… that's not what I mean…"

The old man gritted his teeth and cringed. "Well… uh… you see, there are _rules_ to an Agni Kai, which-."

The man in green beside Iroh widened his eyes. "Rules…? Rules! That's your nephew! Your second son! An innocent child being scarred for life! Are you saying that some _social mores_ kept you in your place? You horrible, horrible man! You're worse than the Fire Lor-!"

The near toothless man pushed his hand up. "Guys, listen!" Everyone's head turned towards him. "That's not what didn't add up to me. I mean, come on, a little panic and disbelief could make anyone freeze. The Dragon of the West _is _only human after all."

Lieutenant Jee calmed his body. "Well… I suppose." He then raised an eyebrow. "But, what didn't make sense then?"

"When he told us that Commander Zhao, who would have been at most just a captain at the time, was standing with him, his niece, and the members of the war chamber, I realized that one of those things didn't belong. Who lets some random officer, if he was even that, be in the company of such high-ranked individuals? But then I remembered that I'd never really been to an Agni Kai at the palace, so I don't know what the seating arrangement actually is. However, as I was thinking about that, my head really began turning and that's when a single, solitary, and rather scary question rang through my mind."

The man who sat at the center of everyone's focus pointed a thin hand at General Iroh. "How did you _know_ that Azula and Zhao smiled?"

All the men's eyes widened as Zuko's uncle fidgeted. "I… uh… saw th-."

The man in green shot out of his seat. "No! You didn't see them! You were _behind _Azula and _in front_ of Zhao! Your eyes were _glued_ to the duel! Then you _closed_ them and TURNED AWAY!"

The bald man with the beard began to tremble. "There's _no way_ you could've seen their faces. Absolutely none!"

Iroh waved his hands frantically. "No. No. You… uh… misunderstood. I was going to say, I saw the princess later on and she told me, mockingly, about what she did."

Jee glared at him. "Even _if_ the princess would risk the political backlash of bragging that she smiled at her brother's scarring, that still doesn't explain Zhao."

"H… He told her! And she told me!"

The man in green narrowed his eyes. "He _told _her? A man who was at most a captain and had no reason to be away from his ship, much less to be among royalty and top generals, told someone that he _smiled_ as the crown prince was being burned? That can't be true!"

The near-toothless man stared at the old fire bender. "You didn't see them at all, didyou?" He watched the ex-general cringe as his eyes darted back and forth. "Spirits! Is this what you've been telling your nephew? No wonder he hates Zhao so much! I mean, the guy tried to show him basic civility back at the harbor after we first crossed paths with the Avatar! Why didn't you realize you were mistaken at some point and tell Zuko you were wrong? That your imagination probably got carried away with you? What could you possibly hope to gain from not doing that and letting him believe that was true? The only thing I can think of is-!"

The near-toothless man's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. "No…"

Lieutenant Jee glared fiercely. "What? What is it?" He looked up and saw the man in green and the bald man mimicking the near-toothless man's expression. "Tell me!"

"Don't you see it?"

"See wha-?" The officer's eyes then bulged as he spun towards the former general, who sat with a narrowed gaze. "You're planning to-."

A blast from Iroh's fist cut off the lieutenant off and turned half his body to cinders.

The Dragon of the West then slowly rose and eyed the remaining men as their legs and spines shook. "It is a shame that you figured out my ultimate plan." As his will began to snuff out the barrel's flame and the furnace's fire, he stared at the near-toothless man. "Especially you, my friend. I wanted to keep you around once this was over. After all…" The room grew dark as he formed sly grin. "…you played a _mean_ tsungi horn."

A few moments later, lightening shook the ship and Zuko burst out onto the deck. "What was that?"

Iroh quietly a hummed as he made his way up from the bowls of the vessel. "It was lightening striking the boat, Prince Zuko. Nothing more." He then pointed towards the bridge of the ship where a man hung from a stray piece of metal. "Now, do hurry and save the helmsman."

"Oh no, the helmsman!" The scarred teen hurried up a ladder that led to the bridge.

As his nephew grabbed the boat's pilot, Iroh began a low laugh. "That the spirit, Prince Zuko, the safety of the crew matters above _everything else_."

* * *

><p><strong>That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 13<strong>

**The Blue Spirit**


	12. Book 1: Chapter 13

_So, in today's episode, __The Blue Spirit__, we learn that non-benders are actually the best way to defeat the Avatar. Think about it, Jet beat Aang, Pirates captured Aang, and today the Yu Yan Archers catch Aang. Is it just me or is manipulating the elements overrated?_

* * *

><p><strong>What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 13<strong>

Commander Zhao stood in one of the lookout towers of a black fortress surrounded by a thick-wooded area. Beside him, another Fire Nation officer stood as they both looked down at archers with red paint around their eyes as the bowmen released arrow after arrow, always hitting their mark.

The officer beside Zhao furrowed his brow. "Absolutely not, the Yu Yan Archers stay here. Your request is _denied_, Commander Zhao."

The naval commander turned his head. "Colonel Shinu, please reconsider." He turned back to the bowmen. "Their precision is legendary. The Yu Yan can pin a fly to a tree from a hundred yards away without killing it." He watched one of the archers fire four arrows at once, all of them hitting a bullseye. "You're wasting their talents using them as mere security guards."

Colonel Shino glared at the commander. "I can do whatever I want with their talents." He turned his eyes back to the Yu Yan. "They're _my_ archers and what I say goes."

"But my search for the Avatar is-."

The colonel slid right into Zhao's face. "Is nothing but a vanity project! We're fighting a real war here and I need every man I've got, Commander."

"But-."

"That's final! I don't want to hear another word about it!"

The naval commander groaned as a hawk's cry reached both officers' ears and the bird itself flew onto the colonel's arm. As Zhao watched Shino remove the scroll on the small pack on its back and bulge his eyes, he slowly walked beside him. "News from Fire Lord Ozai?" He took the piece of paper and smiled. "It appears I've been promoted to admiral."

The newly promoted man smirked at the lesser officer. "My request is now an ord-."

"Hold on a sec! … Sir." Colonel Shino raised an eyebrow. "_You_ just got promoted to _admiral_?"

Zhao furrowed his brow. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Well, yeah! It doesn't make a #`*&-bit of sense!"

"Excuse me? You are addressing a superior officer."

"I realize that, but how did you jump so many ranks all at once? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong about whether the Fire Nation army and navy have one fluid chain of command or each branch has its own set of ranks. But I, as a colonel, was able to clearly talk down to you, as a commander. That means at least two ranks separated you from the position of admiral."

Zhao glanced to the side. "Yeah…"

"Yeah? YEAH?" The colonel threw his hands into the air. "The $%^ have you done that warrants a promotion of that many ranks? The last thing I heard, was that you let the Avatar and his friends and Prince Zuko get away at Roku's temple! All you got out of that was those fire sages when only one of them was actually a traitor!"

Shino dropped his arms and huffed. "So what happened, Admiral Zhao? Did I miss a news report of your conquest of half of the Earth Kingdom, thus feeling no ounce of respect towards you when you requested the Yu Yan, yet you made no mention of it while asking me for them? _What_! _Happened_?"

At that moment, the newly-promoted officer's jaw slackened. "You know what? I don't know… I don't know at all. I'm glad it happened… But you're right. There is something _seriously_ wrong with this picture."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Aang hurried out of the herbalist's hut and into a wind storm, two sharp arrows flew at him. Before he could react, both narrow projectiles sunk into his shoes and pinned his feet to the ground. The young boy flung his hands wildly before falling to his knees on the grass. When he glanced up, wooden missiles rained towards him.<p>

In a heartbeat, the tattooed youth slammed his knuckles together and created a giant sphere of wind that surrounded him and blew the arrows away.

Once all of the projectiles stabbed earth and trees, the young air bender calmly bent down and picked up the arrow that trapped his right foot. "Um… I think you dropped this!"

From within the trees, the Avatar watched men with red paint around their eyes load their thick bows with slim wooden missiles. However, a mere sigh left his throat as the men let loose another volley of arrows.

When the pointed weapons closed in, the last nomad calmly produced another ball of air. "Um… Yeah, listen…! I don't know who taught you about the physics behind using bows and arrows, but arrows are rather light and they travel through air! I'm an air bender! Do you see where I'm going with this?"

After the archers released another payload, Aang groaned and created a third sphere of air, which deflected them all away once again. The boy then calmly pulled the arrow out of his left shoe. "Look, I'm just gonna keep doing this! Arrows are not an effective weapon against a good air bender who has _any_ common sense!"

As soon as a fourth barrage came towards him, the Avatar pinched the bridge of his nose before creating yet another force field of air. "Whatever. I've got frogs to collect." He then nonchalantly began walking away just before hearing arrows being fired and creating a fifth ball of wind.

"Morons..."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Blue Spirit mask clung to Zuko's face and his black slacks hugged his skin, the banished prince darted through the fortress which held the Avatar. Through every twist and turn, a single thought raced through his head. <em>Man, it's a good thing I know the complete and exact layout of a fortress I would have had no reason to be concerned with for at least three years and probably more<em>.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zhao stared down the Blue Spirit as the masked man held twin dao swords at the Avatar's throat. As dozens of Fire Nation soldiers cornered the air bender and his companion against the steel doors of the fortress, the newly-promoted admiral furrowed his brow, but the blade-wielder remained unflinching. "Open the gate."<p>

Colonel Shino stepped forward. "Admiral, what are you doing?"

"Let them out, now!"

The steel gates opened up and Zhao watched the Blue Spirit slowly walk the bald boy out with blades at the child's throat. Behind the admiral, colonel Shino spoke out.

"How could you let them go?"

A scowl ran across Zhao's face. "Because the $%^-ing Yu Yan Archers don't feel the need to get out here when there's a damn alarm going off!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On top of the wall of Zhao's fortress, the new admiral stood beside a Yu Yan Archer as he steadied his bow. "Do you have a clear… Wait a minute!" He turned his head and looked around. "Where are the rest of the archers? If it took all of you to catch the Avatar last time, why does the Avatar-plus-one require <em>less<em> man power?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>When a speeding arrow knocked the Blue Spirit down and out cold, Aang quickly created a dust screen as he heard Zhao shouting to his men. The tattooed youth then looked upon his rescuer, whose mask lay slightly peeled off. "Hmmm… Should I grab this guy and take him to safety now or take off his mask as Fire Nation troops are running towards us?"<p>

The Avatar bent down. "I'll take his mask off first."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko opened his eyes and saw the roof of a forest, lined by beautiful green leaves. When he turned his head and saw the Avatar crouched against a tree root, he let out a groan while the boy spoke.<p>

"You know what the worst part about being born over a hundred years ago is? That I don't understand how someone could be _awesome beyond measure_ with sword and ninja skills of doom, but not use any of that in a fight at ANY OTHER TIME!"

Aang contorted his face at Zuko and shrugged. "Look, I get that you like fire bending and all, but oh-my-spirits! What you did back there was bad mother $%^-ing %##! Why did you never do anything like that when we fought before? I mean, did you just learn and/or get the hang of that kind of stuff and I should expect to deal with it next time we fight? That's probably it, right? You were just learning this stuff and now that you know it, it's something I gotta look out for 'cause it's way too awesome of a set of skills to just only use whenever you have some cheap piece of plastic over your face!"

The air bender raised an eyebrow. "Right…?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thus concludes another nonsense-filled episode of AtLA. And, at this time, I just wanna say: Holy crap, Zuko! Azula would be fighting you through gritted teeth if you pulled _half_ your Blue Spirit moves on her! Seriously, what's wrong with you?**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 14**

**The Fortuneteller**


	13. Book 1: Chapter 14

_From Haru to Zuko to Jet and, lastly, to Aang in __The Fortuneteller__. Man, Katara had quite a few men to pick from, didn't she? I won't tell anyone who my choice for her was, mostly 'cause I need to focus on picking apart everyone's favorite story about a 12 year old with arrow tattoos who needs to save the world._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 14**

Sokka sneered as he threw the line-less fishing rod into the lake after a large green fish. "Stop taunting me!" He then pulled out a short knife and began running towards the water's edge. However, before he dove in, he stopped on the shoreline.

"Wait a minute! Why am _I_ going after the fish? Spirits, why do we have a fishing rod in the first place?" the boy spun around and pointed at the Avatar and his sister. "You two are the water benders! One of you do the fishing for once and get us a meal!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As a loud noise rang in Aang's ear, the young air bender leapt onto a large boulder, following his pet lemur. "Someone's being attacked by a platypus-bear!"<p>

The large, brown-furred creature the tattooed youth pointed at swung its claws and large tail at an old man in blue and white along the outskirts of a forest. However, with nothing but a smile on the man's face, he gracefully and calmly avoided each and every swipe and strike.

When the old man saw the bald boy approach, his smile widened. "Well, hello there." He nonchalantly slid away from a swing of the platypus-bear's claw and then slid back. "Nice day, isn't it?"

Aang's eyes widened. "Make noise and he'll run off!" From behind him, Sokka came running.

"No, play dead! He'll lose interest!"

The brown-furred beast swung at the man again, but the man ducked and laughed. "Oooo! Close one."

Katara frantically pointed. "Run downhill, then climb a tree!"

Hakoda's son furrowed his brow and made a mock-punching motion. "No, punch him in the bill!"

The Avatar moved his hand randomly. "Then run in zig-zags!"

The old man continued to stare calmly at the monster. "No need, it's going to be fine." He ducked again as the creature's paw tore into a tree.

Aang braced himself to jump forward, but stopped. "Actually… You're right. There's no reason for us to be worried or endanger ourselves by interfering." He scratched his head as the platypus-bear swing again and missed while the old man laughed. "I… uh… guess we'll be on our way then. Stay safe?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aunt Wu, in her golden robe, led Katara back into the main room of her edifice. When they stepped through the doorway and saw the Avatar standing in front of the water bender's brother, she smiled lightly. "Who's next?"<p>

Sokka groaned. "Ok, let's get this over with." He began to stand up.

However, the elderly fortuneteller crinkled her face. "Your future is full of struggle and anguish. Most of it, _self_-inflicted." She saw the boy stare at her with wide eyes.

"But, you didn't read my palms or anything?"

"I don't need to. It's written all over your face."

The Water Tribe boy glared at the old woman. "Ok, so let me get this straight: My future's full of struggle and anguish, right?" He watched her nod. "So I _won't_ win the heart of a princess, a bad%## amazon soldier who leads the Kyoshi Warriors, an even bigger bad%## female earth bender, one of the most elite female soldiers of the Fire Nation who's a contender for hottest girl in the world, and just about every young woman I come across? And when you say 'self-inflicted,' that means that any misfortune that prevents me from being with said beautiful girls will be a direct result of my own actions and not, oh, let's just say: a mad man killing a fish that one is spiritually linked to, a Fire Nation princess capturing another, a fourth never confessing her even hinting her romantic feelings directly to me, being on opposite sides of a war for the Fire Nation girl, and whatever else with whoever else I meet. Is that about right?"

Aunt Wu gritted her teeth. "Yes, well… uh… life isn't all about beautiful girls."

"Haha… That's true, that's true. So I suppose that, if my sister is ever hurt physically or emotionally, which would cause me anguish, it would be because of me and not someone either being a careless fire bender nor someone else being a jerk and attacking her after she offered to heal some sort of permanent injury nor someone forcing her to learn some aspect of water bending she thought was sick and disgusting, right?"

"Well…"

"And any injury _I_ suffer will not be because of all the Fire Nation soldiers we fight. It won't be because I attack someone for boasting how a princess I'm in love with is gonna be his cheap piece of meat. It won't be because I break my leg attacking a fleet of Fire Nation war blimps in an attempt to save the world. It will all be because I do something stupid. _Right_?"

Aunt Wu snarled as she glared at the teen. "Shut the $%^ up."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The old fortuneteller groaned as she hurried Katara out of her establishment. "…and you'll be fine as long as you wear a scarf. Buh-bye now." She began to close the door, but the young water bender stopped her.<p>

"Ok, ok. But, one more thing?"

The elderly woman cringed and then put her hand on her forehead. "Alright, _what_ is it?"

The girl glanced to the side. "Should I eat a mango or a papaya for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Papaya!" Aunt Wu slammed the door.

"Ohhh…" Katara kicked the dirt. "I hate papaya."

A few yards away from the water bender, Aang acted nonchalant as he leaned against a wall. "Oh, hey, Katara. I didn't see you there."

Katara's face beamed. "AANG! Oh spirits, am I glad I ran into you!"

The boy's eyes widened. "Y… you are?" He then forced himself to act aloof. "Well… uh… that's cool and all but-."

"No, seriously, we need to talk!"

Aang could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "Um… why? Did Aunt Wu… uh… give you the _name_ of the person you're gonna marry?"

The water bender blinked twice. "What?" She then waved her arm and tsked. "No. No. I didn't talk to her about that this time. Not at all."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow as he stared at Sokka's sister. "Then what'd you ask her?"

The girl laughed. "Duh! I figured that, since I believe in Aunt Wu's predictions and us helping you with your destiny almost _guarantees_ we're gonna run into trouble, I asked about all the when's and how's we were going to run into Zuko, Zhao, someone else from the Fire Nation, or just get in trouble in general. I mean, can you imagine how STUPID and HORRIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE it would be for me to ask about my love life when I could ask about those things instead?"

The last air bender chuckled. "Holy monkeyfeathers! You would be an absolute moron if you did that! Not to mention a little bit of a jerk for being so selfish, too."

Hakoda's daughter laughed, but then snapped her fingers. "Oh, that reminds me. In about a week, we're gonna come across one of my dad's friends and an Earth Kingdom soldier's going to give you a message for him. Do us all a favor and just give it to the friend, ok?"

"Uh… sure. Why wouldn't I?"

"Just trust me."

"Ok." Aang shrugged. "What else did you find out?"

"First off,…" Katara began counting on her fingers. "…we need to be ready to deal with a bounty hunter that has an animal that can paralyze people. We don't want you learning fire bending from any Fire Nation deserters, it doesn't end well. We also gotta be prepared for a shouting match with a sexist water bender. You don't need to go into the Spirit World when we're at the North Pole, the Moon and Ocean spirits are right there…"

**[[Hours Later]]**

"… so I figure we'll go ahead and chain you to the bed before Sozin's Comet comes. And I'll tell Zuko all about this when he joins us, that way he can attack his sister when she shoots lightening and I'll just duck."

Aang stared at the water bender with a slacked jaw and wide eyes. "Wpw... It is a _very_ good thing you talked to Aunt Wu about that instead of your love life."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Katara led her scowling brother away from the members of the village they saved from the volcano, Aang turned to Aunt Wu. "Can I ask you something?"<p>

The old woman smiled. "Of course, Honey."

The boy glanced to the side. "You didn't really see love in my future, did you?" He looked up at her. "You just told me what I wanted to hear."

With a bright smile, the old woman extended her arm. "I'll tell you a secret, young air bender… YOU'RE THE BLOODY $%^-ING AVATAR AND YOU NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD! STOP GIVING A #`*& WHO SUCKS YOUR GLIDING STAFF UNTIL AFTER OZAI'S DEAD! IN THE MEAN TIME, DO YOUR DAMN JOB!"

The old woman threw her arms into the sleeves of her robe and walked away scowling. "Stupid %## kids."

* * *

><p><strong>[[That was a bit harsh of Aunt Wu, huh? It also <strong>_**may**_** have been out of character for her… hehe… How about another way for that scene to end?]]**

* * *

><p>As Katara led her scowling brother away from the members of the village they saved from the volcano, Aang turned to Aunt Wu. "Can I ask you something?"<p>

The old woman smiled. "Of course, Honey."

The boy glanced to the side. "You didn't really see love in my future, did you?" He looked up at her. "You just told me what I wanted to hear."

With a bright smile, the old woman extended her arm. "I'll tell you a secret, young air bender: I can give more than one reading and I was just too focused on the battle prediction to pay attention. Why don't I do a quick reading right now?"

Aang smiled. "You will? Wow thanks!" As the old woman took his palm into her hand, he chuckled. "You know, I bet this little reading right here will answer _a lot_ of people's questions."

Aunt Wu raised an eyebrow as she traced her finger over his hand. "Oh? Like whose?"

The tattooed youth shrugged. "I dunno. I just have the feeling, that, if a large number of people were observing my life story and the stories of those around me, this one simple act would keep a great deal of bickering between two sizable groups of said people from happening."

"Meh. If you say so, kid."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Man, Aunt Wu wasn't that useful, was she? 'Course, half of it was because her customers were a bunch of love-obsessed dimwits. Honestly, people: War! Comet! Zuko! Zhao!**

**Mike and Bryan wondered why so many of their fans thought relationships were the most important part of the show. Guess why they did. Sheeesh…**

**Anyway, there's the end of ****The Fortuneteller** **and what should have been the end of a crap-load of flame wars and shipping battles.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 15**

**Bato of the Water Tribe**


	14. Book 1: Chapter 15

_We have left the arena of relationship building in AtLA and have now entered the domain of world building. Today we learn about ice dodging, South Pole customs and traditions, and just how much of a selfish jerk Aang can be._

_That's right! It's time for __Bato of the Water Tribe__*_

_*Disclaimer: Bato is, at most, in a third of this episode; despite it being named after him._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 15**

With loud stomps shaking his ship, Prince Zuko stormed onto the deck with his uncle just behind him. Before the teen, his men backed away from a black-haired woman riding a long, brown monster who lacked any eyes at all.

The woman glared at the soldiers. "Get back! We're looking for a stowaway!"

With his soldiers in battle stances, the scarred boy marched towards the woman. "Men, attack her!"

All of the soldiers remained still as the monster dug its teeth into the hull and tore out a plank of metal. When the beast flung the steel slab across the deck and into the doorway to the bridge, the son of Ozai ducked and then glared at the woman. "Men! I said attack!"

The Fire Nation soldiers continued to stare and not move as the beast poked its snout into the storage room below it.

"Agni, curse all of you!" Zuko shot smoke out of his nostrils. "Are you telling me, you're all just going to stand there and let her destroy this ship? Not one of you is gonna throw a freakin' fireball? A spear? Not even shout at her to stop and desist?"

When a scrawny-looking man in green crawled his way out onto the deck and the brown creature whipped its tongue at him, paralyzing him, Iroh's nephew grinded his teeth. "Look, you morons! She's jumping down to pick that guy up! Attack now! ATTACK NOW!"

However, as the woman calmly picked the man up, patted her shirshu, and rode it away from the boat, the Fire Nation soldiers continued to refrain from attacking her.

The prince snarled and clutched his head as his eyes twitched. "I. Hate. You. _All_!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a twilight sky, Aang sat, hunched over on the bow of Bato's ship with a longing expression on his face. The waves of the ocean crashed against the beach as the wind blew and whipped at his small frame. Suddenly, an Earth Kingdom soldier riding an ostrich horse hurried across the shore and towards him.<p>

The soldier stopped just in front of the boat. "I'm looking for Bato of the Water Tribe."

Aang smiled. "Uh… I know Bato."

The rider extended his arm and a rolled-up parchment towards the tattooed youth. "Even though that doesn't tell me where he is, anything about you, if you're able to reach him, nor does it make sense that I can trust a message of military importance to a small child I've never met before; here you go. Make sure he gets this."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the walls of their monastery, several nuns calmly mixed and sorted the perfumes in and out of clay cauldrons. Suddenly, a giant brown monster burst through the gates. Its eyeless head turned left and right as the maidens all gasped. When the beast sniffed at the ground, then turned and snarled at the doorway, the black haired woman atop it spoke to the old man and scarred teen riding with her.<p>

"We're getting close." The woman whipped the large beast and it darted out the way it came.

As it then ran up a dirt path, Zuko raised an eyebrow at the driver. "June, did we really need to barge in there, just to barge right out?"

The bounty hunter scowled back at him as they entered a forest. "My shirshu is tracking the exact path of her scent. She went in there, then headed back out."

"But, what I'm saying is, after all these years of bounty hunting with it, shouldn't this thing know when whatever its tracking has gone in and out the same doorway? I mean, I'm already amazed that just a few gusts of wind don't completely destroy this things ability to track scents through the air. Plus, you know, there was that storm when Admiral Zhao had the Avatar captured, so I don't know how the scent survived the rain, but, there's enough crazy magical stuff in this world that I'm not gonna complain too much about that. However, it just bugs me that we seemed to have needed to alert the people in the abbey, who obviously helped the Avatar, of our presence, when any bit of logic and reason could tell you that something with experience tracking scents would know which is the freshest scent and, therefore, keep going past that place without busting in."

Iroh rubbed his chin. "In fairness, my nephew _does_ have a point."

June clicked her tongue. "You know what? You're right that doesn't make any sense at all." She glanced down at her beast. "What is _wrong_ with you today?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On a sandy beach, with only Appa and Momo as company, Aang sat on the bison's head as he tightened the reigns on the flying monster's horns. "Looks like we're going alone, guys."<p>

As the ten-ton beast growled, an elderly woman in grey and tan nun robes hurried towards the trio.

"Avatar, you must leave!"

The monk scowled. "Ok! I get it, everybody wants me gone."

"A group of people came to the abbey looking for you."

The boy's eyes bulged. "Who?"

"A fierce-looking woman with a horrible monster and a young man with a scar."

Aang furrowed his brow and relaxed the reigns. "Zuko."

"The beast was using the scent of a necklace to follow you… I know this, even though they burst into the cathedral along with an old man; who, for some reason, I didn't feel the need to mention despite having no idea how aggressive or passive he is; had the beast sniff around for a few moments; and then left as suddenly as they came without making any mention of you or showing any necklace at all."

**[[That's really how it happened.]]**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the middle of the monastery, Aang ducked behind a stone well with a wooden roof as the prince of the Fire Nation blasted orange flames over his head. When the Avatar popped his head up, he saw Katara's necklace hanging from the boy's wrist.<p>

The monk jumped into a fighting stance. "You've got something I want." He then leapt forward and caught himself between the four posts of the well's covering.

Zuko launched one fire blast after another at the young air bender. However, after his target dodged every one of them by throwing his body between different posts of the well's roof, the prince knocked away each wooden pole.

The tattooed youth then landed on the rim of the well as the scarred teen jumped on after him. Both fighters attacked each other with air slashes and fire balls as they focused all their balance on the narrow edges of the well. However, a few moments into the exchange, Aang raised an eyebrow.

"Zuko, hang on!"

The prince stopped suddenly. "What is it, Avatar?"

"Why did we jump onto this thing?" Aang pointed at the stone rim of the well. "It's horribly precarious and offers neither of us anything close to an advantage. In fact, I don't know about you, but I'm using most of my efforts not to just fall off."

Ozai's son clicked his tongue. "You know, that's a very good question. What's even weirder is that, if either of us thought it was an advantage point, why not just try to shove the other one off with our shoulder or wide push of our arms?" He then scratched his head. "But you know what's even weirder?"

"The roof this thing had?"

"_The roof this thing had_!" Zuko waved his arms. "It's a well. A WELL! It's the one thing you _don't_ want a roof over! The thing you _want_ rain to fall into!"

The last air bender shook his head. "You know what's even stranger?"

"What could be stranger?"

"There was a roof here, but no bucket and crank mechanism."

Iroh's nephew stared at the boy, blinked twice, and then looked over the wreckage of the well's covering. "By Agni, you're right. What kind of morons live here? Do they just not know how to use a well at all? Has no one who's come by this place to either rest here or buy their perfumes noticed this and explained this simple concept that's been around for who-knows-how-long?"

Gyatso's pupil shrugged. "These people are strange."

"Agreed." Zuko glanced at the bald youth. "So… Back to fighting?"

Aang dropped into a stance. "Bring it!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>June narrowed her eyes on the Avatar as, on top of her shirshu, she and the scarred prince cornered the young monk against one of the walls of the monastery. However, just as the small team stepped in, a wave of scented liquids crashed into them. The shirshu snarled and shook itself to knock the fluid off. However, when he sniffed at the air again, all the scents in the air blurred together and clouded his 'vision.'<p>

The brown beast thrashed and whipped his tongue at Zuko, knocking him out and June off. He felt the sting of June's whip and snapped his tongue out, striking his trainer.

Iroh watched the black-haired woman fall as he hurried at her. "June! Nooooooo!" The old man caught the bounty hunter and fell to the ground with her.

After the shirshu scrambled about the monastery courtyard and ran out, Aang picked up his glider and wiped his brow as his friends walked towards him and smiled at the boy.

Meanwhile, Zuko, paralyzed on the ground, saw Iroh lying still with June atop him. "Uncle, I didn't see you get hit with the tongue."

Ozai's brother brought a finger to his lips. "Shhh…" He then dropped his arm and smiled.

June, however, scowled. "You know, I'd be pissed about this small bit of sexual harassment, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm furious about what just happened."

Iroh chuckled. "My dear, you were outsmarted. Even the wisest fox-badger can be tricked by the lowliest mouse-rat."

The bounty hunter groaned. "That's not what I mean. Their trick shouldn't have worked at all."

The Dragon of the West raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, my shirshu is assaulted with hundreds of thousands, if not millions, if not _billions_ of scents all the time. I mean, think about it. Whether or not you believe that 'smell a rat from a continent away' line I gave you when we met, you saw how he tracked the girl. Now, given that we had no place in particular start from, since I doubt she ever went to the bar we were at, how many scents do you think were floating around? Honestly, if my beast could do that with anyone, anything, anywhere, that means that every scent in the world can be found in every square foot of space. A few perfumes should _not_ have been able to confuse him. I mean, sure, maybe if the kid got doused heavily by the fragrances, but he VERY CLEARLY DIDN'T! There was, thus, no reason, for there to be any thing close to significant change in my shirshu's 'vision' at all."

Zuko groaned. "It sounds like, whoever is responsible for the ultimate fate of this world, dropped the ball big time in that department."

June managed to nod. "Like they didn't think the slightest bit through."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun set and his bison flew across the sky, Aang glanced behind him at his Water Tribe friends. "So… where do we go?"<p>

Katara smiled from the saddle. "We're getting _you_ to the North Pole."

Across from his sister, Sokka smiled. "Yeah, we've lost too much time as it is."

The Avatar popped his head up over the saddle's rim. "Don't you wanna see your father?"

Hakoda's son dropped his grin. "Of course we do, Aang. But, you're our family too." He smiled even wider. "And, right now, you need us more."

The water bender looked on at the bald boy. "And we need you."

The Air Nomad lowered his eyes. "I wish I could give you a little piece of home, Katara. Something to remind you..."

The girl glanced away. "I'll be ok."

"Still, just a little trinket!" Aang's face beamed. "Maybe something like…" He whipped out Katara's necklace. "…this?"

The Water Tribe girl's jaw dropped. She then snarled furiously as she snatched it from the child's hand. "How long did you have this?"

"Uh… I… uh… swiped it off Zuko while we were fighting…"

Sokka pushed himself up and glared at the air bender. "You mean that, between when we beat Zuko and the bounty hunter, jumped onto Appa, and the several hours that passed since we've been flying, you had my sister's necklace, AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HER?"

The nomad cringed back.

"What? You were waiting for some big, dramatic reveal?"

"K… Kind of…?"

The water bender grinded her teeth. "Take us down, _now_!"

"But, Katara, I-!"

"Don't 'but, Katara,' me, you jerk! First the map to our father, now this? Go to hell! And go to the North Pole on your own!"

The Avatar cringed and fidgeted back into his seat. "Oh man, why did I just make the same mistake twice?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Whew! Today was just full of surprises, wasn't it? We learned that, in the AtLA universe, smells can travel throughout the world, but seem to split off and not corrugate unless it's convenient. Funny how that works. Also, if you're wondering where the 'bison steaks' joke was, it wasn't.**

**APPA ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TODAY!**

**I was surprised too.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 16**

**The Deserter**


	15. Book 1: Chapter 16

_This is one of my favorite episodes, folks. In __The Deserter__, we learn that hermits who obsess with a martial art are crazy in seven ways to Sunday. Also, Aang's no longer a selfish jerk, just an unintentional one. As an added bonus, Jeong Jeong's __really__ stupid._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 16**

Behind his blue, happy flower mask, Aang watched the magician's fire dragon shake from the man's control.

"It's too strong." The magician said with mock-fear.

Aang stepped forward. "We gotta help her!"

Sokka, wearing a sad-face mask, jumped in his path and grabbed his shoulders. "What in the absolute $%^ are you doing? Are you exceptionally stupid today? It's just a spirits-damned magic trick! I know you're a goofy kid, but you cannot _possibly_ be this dense! Honestly, you're insulting the intelligence of yourself, myself, my sister, everyone who's ever spoken to you, and any one who has ever watched you do anything if you actually try to 'save' my sister from that fire-dragon, but still expect to be treated like a respectable character."

"'Character'?"

"Yes, you know, as in: a person or human being with traits and qualities."

"I see…" Aang blinked behind his mask as the fire-beast exploded into confetti, which rained down onto the cheering audience. "Looks like you were right, Sokka. For me to have tried to interfere with that performance would have done nothing but made me look like a complete moron who was so stupid, he didn't know which end was up. We're talking stupid-beyond-believability here."

The magician then took a bow, untied his assistant from the audience, and inclined her to bow as well.

After Katara lowered her head and stepped off the stage, she looked at her two companions. "Well, that was simple and didn't cause any problems."

Sokka narrowed his eyes behind his mask. "Yup. Glad it didn't."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Chey trudged into the hut that the Avatar and his friends slept in, he saw the bald monk shoot up from his spot on the ground as the lemur jumped off his chest.<p>

"What happened? Can I see Jeong Jeong now?"

The second man to desert the Fire Nation army slumped down against the wall. "He won't see you. He's very angry that I brought you here. He wants you to leave immediately!"

Sokka rose from his spot and rolled his eyes. "Finally! Let's hit the road."

Aang looked at Chey as the Water Tribe boy stretched out. "Why won't he see me?"

"He says you're not ready. Says you haven't mastered water bending or earth bending yet."

"Wait." The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "How does he know that?"

Chey scoffed. "You kidding me? You've only been back for, like, a few months and it takes years and years to master just one of the elements."

Aang chuckled. "Oh, yeah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the night sky overhead, Zhao stood snarling with two soldiers at his back. He furrowed his brow at the captain of a small town's security as a pillar used in the Fire Nation festival celebration burned behind the captain and two of his men. "So the Avatar was here… and you let him slip away."<p>

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Um… yes sir. I don't know why you're surprised or angry. I mean, the fact that my men, who are at best equipped to fight a small group of rebels or an enemy scouting party, even _tried_ to capture him says wonders about their courage and bravery. Honestly, a child that has the potential for the greatest power in the world and can create air blasts strong enough to send people more than a dozen yards into the air over and over again is _way_ out of our league. And, while I don't expect you to be jumping for joy nor even handing out promotions, a little less bitterness towards people who deserve some sort of medal for bravery would be nice."

The Fire Nation admiral blinked twice as he heard his own armored soldiers mumbling their agreements behind him. "I… just… Erg… Which way did he go?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang stepped through the curtain of the doorway and into a hut where an old man named Jeong Jeong sat on the floor, surrounded by lit candles.<p>

"Get! Out!"

The bald boy flinched a step forward, then pulled back. Then, he walked towards the elder. "Master, I need to learn fire bending." He stopped in front of the candles.

"Only a fool seeks his own destruction."

The nomad sat down. "I'm the avatar. It's my destiny to-."

Jeong Jeong tensed and scowled. "_Destiny_? What would a boy know of destiny? If a fish lives its whole life in this river, does he know the river's destiny?" He turned his head and glared. "NO!" He turned back. "Only that it runs on and on! Out of his control! He may follow where it flows, but he cannot see the end. He cannot imagine the _ocean_."

Aang fidgeted. "O… k… But it's the avatar's duty to master all the bending disciplines."

"To master the disciplines, you must first master discipline itself. But you have no interest in this, so I have no interest in you. _Now_..._ get out_."

The air bender furrowed his brow, but then relaxed. "Please. I have to learn. This could be my only chance."

Jeong Jeong spun around completely and shouted. "Are you deaf? How can I teach you if you refuse to listen?" The old man lowered his voice. "Before learning fire bending, you must learn water and earth." He began to make gestures with his arms. "Water is _cool_ and _soothing_. Earth is steady and stable."

The fire bender reached towards a candle. "But fire… Fire is alive! It breathes! It grows!" He clenched his fist and brought it up. "Without the bender, a rock will not throw itself!" He gestured out with his hand. "But fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it! That is its destiny! You are not ready! You are too WEAK!"

Aang stared at the man with wide eyes as the candles flared. The room then began to grow dark, but before it could go completely black, the Avatar raised an eyebrow. "So teach me how to put fire out."

Jeong Jeong blinked twice and re-illuminated the wicks. "What?"

"You're worried about my fire raging out of control, teach me to put fires out. Also, I realize there may have been more of a metaphor there. But I think it's pretty simple for a teacher to work into his or her training curriculum a few exercises about not putting more power into an attack than is necessary. At least simple enough that they don't need to throw a crying hissy fit about it."

The Avatar tsked. "Honestly, it's not worth throwing a temper tantrum about. Plus, seeing as there are plenty of fire benders out there who _don't_ spontaneously burst people and things into flames, I think it's pretty safe to assume that your little fear of fire is all in your head. Now, I know you must be angry, 'cause a 12 year-old who knows nothing about fire bending just pig-bitch slapped you in the common sense department, but how's about we getting moving on the training and I'll 'forget' that it ever happened?"

Jeong Jeong furrowed his brow. "For the record, _I hate you_."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Once the candles' burning fire faded and Jeong Jeong hut's turned dark, a single candle formed in front of the old fire bender. As a large bonsai tree appeared beside him, Avatar Roku materialized in front of him.<p>

"You think I am weak?"

"Avatar Roku!" Jeong Jeong waved his arms and bowed his head. "No! No! I did not mean that!"

"I have mastered the elements a thousand times in a thousand lifetimes. Now, I must do it once again. You will teach the Avatar…" Roku raised his hand and ignited the leaves of the tree. "…_fire bend_-."

"Hold, one moment, Great Avatar." Jeong Jeong raised a finger.

"You dare interrupt me?"

"I simply… have a question."

"Well? What is it? I have little patience!"

"_A thousand _lifetimes? There have actually been 1,000 avatars?"

"Yes, there have."

"A thousand?"

"It's close enough!"

"So, with around 1,000 avatar spirits together, can't you all just give him lessons on fire bending and, really, anything else he needs?"

"The Avatar Spirit needs to always be taught new lessons and new techniques and strategies, less it only know out-dated skills."

The hermit master glanced to the side. "Under normal circumstances, yes. However, given everything that's happened and considering that, once this child masters the elements and gains control of the avatar state, he'll be able to end this hundred years' war, don't you think now would be a good time to bend those rules just a bit? _Just a bit_? I mean, I didn't think it was right, but if _you_ are saying that it's ok to not do things by the book, then why go half-hearted? And for that matter, if you can do something like this, why not tell the boy to face the fire lord, then you take over and trap Ozai in a dimension like this and take him out?"

Roku gritted his teeth. "Well… Because…" He looked left, then right.

Jeong Jeong looked up. "Because… what?"

"Because… uh… WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?" The Avatar pointed behind the hermit.

However, the deserter of the Fire Nation simply scowled at the deceased master of all four elements. "Did you _really_ think I was going to fall for that?"

"Er… Worth a shot."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Hours after Jeong Jeong left the Avatar on top of a mountain to practice his breathing, the old fire bender drank some tea. Just then, the bald boy marched into his tent. "<em>What<em> are you doing here? I did not tell you to stop!"

Aang sighed. "Well, I just figured that, being in the middle of Fire Nation territory, when I was sighted just a few days ago at a festival, that it would be a really bad idea for me to stand on the top of a small mountain, completely exposed, with no support for several miles."

The old man blinked twice. "Oh… Yeah. I guess that was a really bad idea."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Jeong Jeong's hut, the old man stared at the boy. "You want to stop breathing?"<p>

Aang threw his arms into the air. "I want you to stop wasting my time!" He crunched down into a ball. "I already know how to squat and breathe and feel the sun!" He wiggled his fingers towards the roof before standing up. "I want to know how to shoot fire out of my finger tips!"

The fire bending master groaned at the scowling boy and lowered his head. "I had a pupil, once, who had _no_ interest in learning discipline. He was only concerned with the power of fire; how he could use it to destroy his opponents and _wipe out_ the obstacles in his path! But fire is a horrible burden to bear. Its nature is to consume and, without control, it destroys everything around it."

Jeong Jeong began refilling his cup. "That man, who lacks discipline and control, went on to quickly rise through the ranks of the Fire Nation navy and is now a powerful admiral."

Aang blinked twice. "Wait! What?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the burns on her hands shot waves of pain through her body, Katara dipped her arms into the river and cringed. Suddenly, the pain dispersed and her hands glowed bright blue. She pulled her palms out of the water and looked at them as the burned flesh healed.<p>

From behind the girl, Jeong Jeong approached. "You have healing abilities." The water bender turned around and stared at him. "Though I told your friends to hurry and leave because of Admiral Zhao's approach, I feel it is ok if I sit with you and have a small chat."

Katara blinked twice. "Wait! What?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Oh, Jeong Jeong, you stupid, stupid man. By the way, that scene could have gone another way.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As the burns on her hands shot waves of pain through her body, Katara dipped her arms into the river and cringed. Suddenly, the pain dispersed and her hands glowed bright blue. She pulled her palms out of the water and looked at them as the burned flesh healed.<p>

From behind the girl, Jeong Jeong approached. "You have healing abilities." The water bender turned around and stared at him. "The great benders of the water tribe sometimes have this ability." He sat down beside her. "I've always wished I were blessed like you, free from this burning curse."

Katara stared up at the man. "But you're a great master. You have powers I'll never know."

"Water brings healing and life. But fire brings only destruction and pain. It forces-."

"And heat and the ability to cook food."

Jeong Jeong raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

Hakoda's daughter shrugged. "I'm just listing off a few other things fire can do. Like lighting candles so people can see in the dark. Creating energy to power machines. Giving off smoke signals is a nice minor one." She began counting on her fingers. "There's also campfires for enjoyment. Clearing out underbrush. Lighting fireworks. Molding and smelting metal. Boiling water to sterilize it or catch the steam to remove impurities that can't be sterilized. Cauterizing a wound shut."

Katara smiled. "Oh, there's also lighting a stick on fire and waving it at a wild animal that's attacking you or scaring a snake out of your home! And don't forget using it in a furnace to harden clay pots and other ceramic material. Plus you've got…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Don't think Jeong Jeong's a big enough idiot yet? Get ready.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As the burns on her hands shot waves of pain through her body, Katara dipped her arms into the river and cringed. Suddenly, the pain dispersed and her hands glowed bright blue. She pulled her palms out of the water and looked at them as the burned flesh healed.<p>

From behind the girl, Jeong Jeong approached. "You have healing abilities." The water bender turned around and stared at him. "The great benders of the water tribe sometimes have this ability." He sat down beside her. "I've always wished I were blessed like you, free from this burning curse."

Katara stared up at the man. "But you're a great master. You have powers I'll never know."

"Water brings healing and life. But fire brings only destruction and pain. It forces those of us burdened with its care to walk a razor's edge between humanity and _savagery_. Eventually,… we are torn apart."

Hakoda's daughter shrugged. "Then stop practicing it."

"Huh?"

"Stop practicing fire bending. If you're _that_ obsessed with not being burdened by its 'curse' anymore, just stop practicing. Your skills will gradually deteriorate until you can't even generate enough fire to light a twig."

The water bender raised an eyebrow. "You _have_ considered that option, right?"

Jeong Jeong cringed. "Um… I… uh…" Suddenly, fire blats rained down on them. "Oh, look at that, Zhao's attacking! Go get your friends and flee!"

The Water Tribe girl scoffed and stood up. "Dumb-%##." She then ran off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: You know, I've seen characters carry the idiot ball before, but Jeong Jeong's got his hands glued to it. I don't think I've seen any other character in storytelling being portrayed as so serious and knowledgeable while actually being a complete moron all the way to level eleven.**

**Ugh… This guy gives me a headache. I hope he never has any children. 'Course, he's probably too moronic to know how to make babies. _Sperm_ are probably a horrible curse to this guy.  
><strong>

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 17**

**The Northern Air Temple**


	16. Book 1: Chapter 17

_Once more we get an episode that's important to the overall plot of the series… two seasons from now. For now, we'll discuss the ethics of moving into a sacred temple and defiling the statues and relics for the sake of bathhouses._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 17**

With a bright, mid-day sun shining overhead, Aang, beside the two Water Tribe siblings, glared at a brown-haired man with singed eyebrows, a poofy beard, and a large bald spot on his head. "What are you doing? Who said you could be here?"

The man turned away from the boy and frowned. "Doing here… A long time ago…" He raised a finger. "But not a hundred years, my people became refugees after a great flood." The man pranced towards his son in his wheelchair. "My infant son, Teo, was badly hurt and lost his mother."

The man sniffled. "I needed somewhere to rebuild. And I stumbled across this place. Couldn't believe it!" He gestured out his arms. "Everywhere, pictures of flying people! But empty. Nobody home." He started prancing in a circle. "Then, I came across these fan-like contraptions!"

Sokka stepped forward. "Wait a second."

"Um… yes? What is it, m'boy?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you said you guys became homeless, 'cause of a flood, right?"

"That is correct."

"And you said it was a big one?"

"Very big!" The balding man nodded. "If it were something small, we could've just rebuilt where we were."

"I see…" Hakoda's son tapped his chin. "And then you, again correct me if I'm wrong, 'stumbled upon this temple'?"

"Yes, you heard right. What's the matter?"

Katara glanced at her brother. "Yeah, Sokka, what's wrong with what he said?"

"Sis, think about it. You don't get a flood that massive unless you're at sea level or close to it."

"So he lived by a river or ocean." The water bender shrugged. "Lots of people do."

"Yeah, but, when you live by a river or ocean, _down at sea level_, you don't 'stumble across' something that you need to trek half-a-mile up a mountain just to see! Think about it." Sokka gestured with his arms. "You're a refugee, you're wandering aimlessly, you're not gonna hike up a giant, snow-covered peak on the off chance something's up here."

Hakoda's daughter blinked twice. "D… do you think he knew about the Air Temple? Maybe heard a rumor about it?"

The Water Tribe boy pointed at the balding man. "He said it himself. 'Flying people.' 'Fan-like contraptions.' He didn't know this was an air bender temple. I'm telling you, something's up!"

Aang glanced from his friend to the leader of the people in his people's temple. "Well?" The boy furrowed his brow. "What's going on?"

The bearded man groaned. "Ok, ok. You caught me. That was all a terrible lie. The truth is that there never was a flood. We all just came up here because we found an old map of it and thought it was really cool. Also, I hate the air benders due to my extremely jealously of their ability to fly." He turned and glared at a statue of an old Air Nomad. "STOP MOCKING ME!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Hours after the Avatar found the stockpile of Fire Nation weapons, he, alongside Teo, opened the door of the mechanist's office. They watched him stand up slowly as a paper model of a hot-air balloon floated about. "When are they coming?"<p>

The middle-aged man sighed. "Soon…" He looked at one of his time-candles as it popped. "_Very_ soon."

"You _can't_ give them more weapons!"

"If I don't give them what they want, they will destroy this place!" The balding man cringed as his mock-balloon burst into flames and fell to the floor.

Teo watched his father suffocate the small fire. "How can I be proud of you when your inventions are being used for murder?" His father looked at him, then glanced to the side.

"I need some time to think."

Suddenly, a bell rang.

"You need to leave. Hurry!"

Teo and the last air bender glared his father down. "We're _not_ leaving!"

"Then hide. Quickly!" The inventor hurried the two youths behind one of his creations and then pulled on a long lever from the ceiling. Immediately, a trapdoor opened and an elevator raised a man in Fire Nation robes into the office.

The Fire Nation officer glared at the mechanist. "You know better then to keep me waiting." He walked forward. "Give me what you owe us so I can be on my way."

Aang and Teo watched the inventor lower his head.

"Well?" The man in robes moved right in front of the mechanist. "_Is there a problem_?"

Before Teo's father could say another word, Aang jumped out from his hiding spot and blew the office door shut. "Yes! There is!"

The nomad pointed at the inventor. "This guy's a $%^-ing moron!" He saw the Fire Nation officer stare at him. "Yeah, it's me, the Avatar! I arrived less than 12 hours ago and _this_ pile of monkey feathers decided to not give me a heads up that the Fire Nation was coming to town!"

With a slacked jaw, the Fire Nation officer, stared at Teo's father. "Is he serious? You actually just let this kid and his friends hang out when you knew we would be coming by today?" He smiled. "Thanks! Debt paid! You're officially off the hook forever."

The inventor waved his arms. "No! No! I mean, I didn't-!"

The man in robes tsked. "Oh, no need to be modest. I mean, if you didn't tell the Avatar we were coming nor give him a hard-time about staying and asking him to leave, but you were on his side, I'd say either you were completely retard on a hundred and twenty different levels or that the spirits who control every aspect of this world made a MASSIVE plot hole.

"I speak metaphorically, of course. Referring to the story that this the fate of our lives."

Aang nodded. "Of course."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On a stone bridge of the Northern Air Temple, Sokka stood among his sister, the Avatar, and the boy in the wheelchair. "This is bad! <em>Really<em> bad!"

Katara turned to the air bender. "Aang, what are we gonna do? How can we possibly keep them all away?"

The Avatar smiled. "I'll tell ya how." He pointed at the sky. "We have something they don't."

Teo followed the bald child's finger and saw children gliding. "Of course! Air power!"

"What?" Aang blinked twice. "No, no. Sorry. My bad. I thought he was over there." He glanced around and then pointed at his sky bison on the mountain slope. "There. We have Appa. Yeah, a twenty-thousand pound animal that flies, has horns, and can create air blasts with his tail is _a lot_ more useful than kids with toy gliders."

* * *

><p><strong>[[You know what time it is, folks! It's time to see how else that scene could have gone.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>On a stone bridge of the Northern Air Temple, Sokka stood among his sister, the Avatar, and a boy in a wheelchair. "This is bad! <em>Really<em> bad!"

Katara turned to the air bender. "Aang, what are we gonna do? How can we possibly keep them all away?"

The Avatar smiled. "I'll tell ya how." He pointed at the sky. "We have something they don't." Above him, several children flew about on gliders. "Air power! We control the sky. That's something the Fire Nation can't do. We can win!" The bald boy then turned around and saw his Water Tribe friends and the boy in the wheelchair gawking.

Sokka slowly pointed at his tattooed friend. "You… You sick $%^!"

Aang flinched back. "What'd I do?"

Katara furrowed her brow. "What'd you do? WHAT DID YOU DO? I'll tell you what you did! Those kids on the gliders are, like, seven or eight years old and you want to send them into combat! THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!"

"Oh… Oh my spirits…" The air bender lowered his head. "I can't believe I would do that." He began to quiver. "Wh… what in the world came over me?"

Teo scoffed. "Well, I don't know what came over _you_. But I sure as hell know what's come over _me_: The sudden desire to help the Fire Nation! At least they don't try to get little children to do their dirty work!"

Katara shook her head. "First the map to my father. Then burning me. And now using eight year-olds for war." She narrowed her eyes. "What kind of hero _are_ you?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the mechanist's office, Sokka stood beside Teo's father and behind the man's desk as all the citizens of the Northern Air Temple. With the paper war balloon model in one hand and a lit candle in the other, the Water Tribe boy faced the crowd. "See, the problem with the old war balloon was you could get it airborne, but once you did, it just kept going. You could put a hole in the top, but then all the hot air would escape."<p>

Hakoda's son lifted his finger. "So the question became: How do you keep a lid on hot air?"

Katara groaned. "If only we knew…" She, Aang, and Teo chuckled.

Sokka pulled a small string on the model. "A _lid_ is actually the answer!" The top of the balloon opened and closed with a pull of the thread. "If you control the hot air, you control the war balloon."

The water bender crossed her arms and smiled. "Hmmm… That's actually the most no-kidding-Sherlock thing I've ever heard." She saw her brother blink twice.

"What?"

"I mean, it took you guys this long to figure out? 'If you have too much of something, either cut off the source or drain it' was what took two geniuses hours of trial and error to discover?"

Aang put his hand on his chin and nodded. "Gotta go with your sister, here. That shouldn't have taken more than twelve seconds to figure out. Much less however long you took."

Teo rolled himself forward. "Yeah, Dad. Aren't you supposed to be an insanely resourceful and ingenious engineer? How did you not put two and two together?"

Sokka looked down at his model and then looked up. "I don't know. It's as if we're so dependent on magical bending, we don't know how to do the simplest things."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Teo, the Avatar, and the crippled boy's friends knocked the soldiers off the cliffs with crude bombs and mini-avalanches of snow, he turned to the bald boy as they glided beside each other. "Man, we're killing these guys easily, huh?"<p>

Aang's eyes shot open. "We're doing what?"

The inventor's son raised an eyebrow. "Yeah! What'd you think happened when they fell off a giant mountain or got buried under a ton of snow?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On a large, snow-covered terrace of the Northern Air Temple, Aang smiled as he looked on at the mechanist, his son, and the other residence. "You know, I'm really glad you guys live here now." He picked up a small hermit crab. "It's like the hermit crab. Maybe you weren't born here, but you found this empty shell and made it your home. And now you protect each other."<p>

Teo smiled back. "That means a lot, coming from you."

The Avatar looked on at the boy in the wheelchair. "Yeah. It's a shame you all have to leave."

"What?"

Behind the tattooed youth, Sokka stepped forward. "He's right. Don't tell me you all thought the Fire Nation would be ok with _you guys_ reneging on a deal, siding with the Avatar, _and_ knocking out a battalion of their troops, did you?"

The mechanist looked at the ground. "No… I suppose you're right. Once more, we're forced to leave our home and wander aimlessly throughout the world, scavenging our meals to stay alive until we find a new home."

Aang smiled. "I hope for the best, see you later!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, this was one that I was surprised by. I didn't really expect so much material to be in this episode. Honestly, I expected that I'd have to trudge through this like ****The Great Divide****. However, after a second and third glance at the episode, I found all these wonderful little tid-bits that make so little sense.**

**Suffice to say, I love this job.  
><strong>

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 1: Chapter 18**

**The Waterbending Master**


	17. Book 1: Chapter 18

_Remember that thing that Aang's supposed to be learning this season? That thing he __literally__ hasn't practiced once since that thing with Jet? Well, good news, the writers remembered it too. Here's __The Waterbending Master__._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 18**

Within a large tent, draped with red cloth and the Fire Nation insignia, Admiral Zhao stood before a large map of the world while several officers of the navy sat around a crimson rub behind him. "He's heading north." The fleet commander slowly turned. "The Northern Water Tribe! The Avatar needs to master water bending." He glanced at the map again. "He's looking for a teacher."

One of the officers with a long beard raised his fist. "Then _what_ are we waiting for? Let's go get him!"

"Patience, Captain Li. This isn't some little Earth village we can just march into." Zhao began walking about the tent. "The Water Tribe is a great nation. There's a reason they've survived 100 years of war. The frozen tundra is treacherous. The landscape _itself_ is an icy fortress."

The fleet admiral stopped and eyed each of his subordinates. "We'll need a _massive_ invasion force…

"…Which, apparently, no one else thought of doing in the past 100 years."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, Zuko, lying in his quarters inside his ship, heard the turning of metal and shot up. "Uncle?" He walked towards the door of his room. "Uncle, is that you?" When he opened his door and saw no one, the scarred teen jumped into the empty hallway and lowered into a battle stance.<p>

When the prince again saw no one, he hurried down the corridor and leapt around a corner, once more in a battle stance. However, he still saw no one and relaxed his posture. The banished youth then began walking through his ship.

Outside on the deck, pirates lit the fuse to barrels of blasting jelly and ran off.

Back inside, Zuko made his way up to the bridge of his ship, glancing left and right. As he stepped towards the helm, though, he heard the crowing of a green reptile-bird.

When the scarred teen turned towards the winged beast, his eyes widened and it darted off. A second later, the barrels erupted and tore through the ship with a flaming blast.

Zuko barely managed a fire shield and screamed as the explosion ripped apart the bridge and sent a shockwave that blew apart the hull and the surrounding harbor.

A mile away, Iroh heard the boom of the bombs and turned towards the shore. "Zuko!" He then hurried down a dirt road.

When the Dragon of the West arrived at the ship, only flames and broken steel remained.

However, a few moments later, the old fire bender heard coughing and frantic splashing in the water. Spinning his head towards the noise, he saw his nephew flailing in the ocean's coast. Iroh instantly jumped into the waves, grabbed the scarred teen, and dragged him onto solid ground. "Oh, by the spirits, Zuko! Are you alright? Can you stand? Who did this?"

Zuko, covered in cuts and bruises, coughed and hacked out the water in his lungs. "Pirates…" He coughed some more. "… the ones with the water bending scroll…"

Iroh furrowed his brow as he slowly turned towards the flaming wreckage of his nephew's ship. "They did not act alone. Only blasting jelly could create this kind of explosion and there's only one person who would have supplied it to them for this kind of job."

Ozai's son narrowed his eyes as he clenched his hands into fists. "Zhao…!"

The Dragon of the West nodded. "We cannot act too hastily, though. I will use his invitation to help you sneak aboard his ship. That way, we can plot to capture the Avatar before him."

Zuko's eyes relaxed as he raised his remaining eyebrow. "What? Nuts to that! I'm just gonna find him and kick his %##!"

"Prince Zuko, no! You are in no condition to battle him!"

"No condition? Uncle, look at me!"

"Yes, you are bruised, cut up, and exhausted! Not an opportune time to-!"

"And you are aware _how_ I got in this state, right?"

"From that explosion, of course."

Zuko nodded. "Exactly: from a massive explosion that turned steel into scrap. A massive explosion, which I, with the help of only a minor fire shield, ended up looking like I just got done with a bare-knuckle street fight. Now, to make this point clear, getting cut up and bruised _would_ normally be a sign that I need to rest. However, when only being cut up and bruised after getting hit by an explosion that went through metal like it was paper, _that_ is a sign that you're ready for anything."

Iroh blinked twice. "Wow. Now that I think about it, you're right. I don't think there's a force on this world left that could stop you if you endured all that. The only thing you need to do to get back at Zhao is pull some of that Blue Spirit stealth to get close to him. Then you're free to beat the crap out of him seven ways to Summer."

"Bingo! All I need is a… Wait! You knew I was the Blue Spirit?"

The old fire bender rolled his eyes. "Nephew, _Zhao_ figured it out. I think I could too."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a moonlit sky and secluded area of the Northern Water Tribe's capital city, Aang shifted his weight and drew water out of the canal. "Master Pakku said this move was all about sinking and floating." He bent the water to Katara.<p>

The young water bender pulled in the liquid with her spirit and spun it in front of her body. "I got it!" She smiled, but her expression then dropped as the water spun up, down, and around her whole frame before shooting into the sky.

The last air bender threw his hands on his head as his eyes widened. "That was AMAZING!"

Katara shrugged. "That wasn't me." She and her fellow bender glanced up to see Master Pakku standing on an ice bridge and turning the water the two used into ice daggers.

Aang watched the frozen shards become lodge into the walkway. "I… I was just showing Katara a few moves!"

The old water bender glared at the tattooed youth. "You have disrespected me! My teachings! And my entire-!"

Sokka's sister crossed her arms. "Hold on a second!"

Master Pakku turned his eyes onto the girl. "You _dare_ interrupt me when I am-!"

"How did you know we were here?"

"What? You interrupted me twice for _that_?"

"Yeah! This is a pretty secluded place and we obviously checked to make sure no one was around! So how did you know we were here?"

The old man gritted his teeth. "I… err… uh…"

Aang relaxed his posture and raised an eyebrow. "Were you stalking us?"

"No! No! No… I was… um… Just… out for a moonlit stroll?" The old bender gritted his teeth and shrugged.

The Avatar mimicked his friend's body language and narrowed his eyes. "I can't believe this! You had the gall to chastise me about respecting you and all your crap, but you were _stalking me_? By the spirits, I knew you were an %##-hole but I didn't think you were a creep, too!"

Katara tsked. "Come on, Aang, let's get outta here."

Master Pakku waved his arms frantically. "Wait! Wait! You don't understand!"

The Air Nomad scoffed. "Please! If there's any more to this story, I don't _want_ to understand it!" He and his friend walked off.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara stood in front of her brother and her bald friend inside of the Northern Water Tribe's main hall. Before her, Chief Arnook sat between his daughter and Master Pakku as several other members of his tribe sat behind him.<p>

"What do you want me to do? Force Master Pakku to take Aang back as his student?"

Hakoda's daughter raised her eyebrow. "Uh… Yeah! He's kinda the last hope for the world… Gets attacked all the time… More bending helps… And Master Poop-for-Brains closed the door to him because he… oh, how do I phrase this..." She mockingly smiled and snapped her fingers. "He wanted to ensure that someone who travels with him is best equipped to handle all the attacks that come at him! You know, like anyone with common sense would plan for!"

Katara then groaned. "Honestly, haven't you people ever heard the tale of when Darwinism met the Air Nomads?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>From beside the boy from the Southern Water Tribe, his friend, and her own father, Yue watched Master Pakku held Katara's necklace and looked out towards the ocean.<p>

"I carved this necklace for your grandmother when we got engaged. I thought we would have a long, happy life together… I loved her."

Katara stared at the older bender. "But she didn't love you, did she? It was an arranged marriage."

The Northern Tribe's princess began to tear up as the younger bender continued.

"Gran-Gran wouldn't let your tribe's _stupid_ customs run her life. That's why she left! It must have taken a lot of courage."

At that moment, Yue broke into tears and frantically ran off.

Sokka watched the girl he loved run off before turning to his bald friend.

Aang smiled. "Go get her."

Chief Arnook saw the teenaged boy hurry after his daughter and thought to himself, _Hmm… My daughter, who is betrothed and is in a fragile emotional state after hearing a talk about betrothals, has run off crying and now a young man, who she just met and clearly has an infatuation with her, is going after her to where they'll probably end up somewhere alone._

The chief shrugged. _Oh well, I'm sure nothing of a scandalous nature will ensue because of this. I'll let them be._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Is it just me or does being a master bender who's old come with a lot of emotional and/or mental problems? Bumi's got three screws loose. Jeong Jeong wouldn't know common sense if it bit him on the butt. And I don't know how Pakku survived this long, being so stupid and creepy.**

**Good news, though, we're almost done with Season 1!**

**[[Insert screams of joy here]]**

**That means Season 2 is on the way. With it comes new cast members and locations. New jokes and head-smacking realizations. And, of course, ****The Crossroads of Destiny****.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for the finale of Book 1**

**The Siege of the North Part 1 & Part 2**


	18. Book 1: Chapter 19 & 20

_It's time for the Season 1 finale!_

_What a milestone! When I started this a few months ago, I knew I was willing to go through the whole series, but actually having this chapter done and posted makes me feel really proud and really excited to present this great treat for you all. Aang fights an enormous Fire Nation force. There's the trip to the spirit world. The threat of Koh (which we all know how well that was followed through). Fish who control celestial bodies. Koi-zilla…_

_Sooooo many targets and all the time in the world to go after all of them. Let's get to fightin'!_

_It's __The Siege of the North!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 1: Chapter 19 & 20**

Chief Arnook stood between his daughter and Master Pakku on the top level of a platform in the main hall of the Northern Water Tribe. Dozens of warriors, including the Avatar and his friends, sat and looked up upon the chieftain as he spoke. "The day we have long feared has arrived! The Fire Nation is on our doorstep!"

A small snicker came from the audience and all eyes turned towards Aang, who continued to stare at he chief with a smile on his face.

"Ehem! As I was saying: It is with great sadness that I call my family here! Knowing well that some of these faces are about to vanish from our tribe!"

Aang snorted and laughed loudly, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.

"Is something funny, _Avatar_?"

The tattooed youth wiped a way a tear. "Hehe… Yeah! You! Talkin' about 'fear' and 'going to vanish from our tribe forever.'" The boy waved his hand dismissively. "Now, come on, quit fooling around!"

Arnook raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

The air bender rolled his eyes and smiled as he glanced at a random Water Tribe man and gestured at the chief. "This guy. Am I right?" He turned back to Yue's father. "Get to the plan to take the entire Fire Nation out."

"Wh… what plan?"

Aang started to laugh, but when he saw Arnook's blank expression, he stopped and blinked twice. "You seriously don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

The leader of the Northern Tribe shook his head. "No."

"Chief! The Fire Nation is coming here on boats! Duh!"

Arnook and his fellow tribesmen stared at Aang blankly.

"Which are floating in the ocean…"

They continued to stare.

"Which is made of water…"

All of the men looked on.

"Which you guys control…"

Nobody moved or spoke.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Aang started making big gestures with his hands. "Get every bender to the wall! Prepare a giant tidal wave! And destroy them with it! SHEESH!"

Before anyone else could speak, Sokka shook his head. "Oh, Aang. Silly boy who doesn't understand physics." He put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "See, if they exhausted themselves by shooting all that water _out_ they'll be unprepared to stop the water that will shoot back _in_ to replace the absent volume. And keep in mind, that water _will _come back in and it'll come back in fast. In the end, it'd be like falling on your enemy's sword to stab them. A foolish move, especially when there are other options."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Well, clearly, since war has been going on for a hundred years, they have plans to wait until the Fire Nation troops reach the shore and storm the coast. They'll pull everyone back and have all the benders turn the front half of the city to liquid. Then, they'll refreeze it, resulting in the Fire Nation Navy being trapped under layers of ice. Obviously, repeating this process as necessary. This way, though sheer damage to the city may be more than the tidal wave, it will be controlled. Thus ensuring less loss of life and destruction of critical structures."

"Wow, Sokka! No wonder they didn't get my idea. That one sounds much better."

Chief Arnook stared at the two boys. "That's not what we're going to do either."

Hakoda's son spun his head towards the man. "It's _not_? Then what is?"

"Well, we are going to wait until the Fire Nation reaches our city. But instead of what you suggested, we're just going to battle them normally; as if each bender had access to a small pond of water."

Sokka looked at the chief for a moment, then smacked his forehead. "Seriously! Darwinism! Look it up!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Atop the head of his sky bison, Aang sat and glared out into the ocean on the city's gates as Katara, Sokka, and several Northern Water Tribe warriors stood along side him. Suddenly, a lone Fire Nation ship appeared on the horizon and launched a flaming sulfur bomb straight at the ice wall of the city. Everyone gasped and screamed as the immolated ball flew into the barrier and exploded, knocking all but a few off their feet.<p>

Sokka coughed pushed himself up as he narrowed his eyes on the Avatar. "Hey, great job destroying that thing like you did so easily when we were flying to Roku's temple!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a setting sun, as the Fire Nation navy launched more and more sulfur bombs into the Northern Water Tribe's city, Master Pakku stood around a cluster of water benders and pointed at the incoming projectile. "Stop those fire balls!"<p>

The men moved their arms together and bent a large pile of water that turned to ice as soon as the burning bomb hit it.

As the suffer cooled, Pakku huffed and turned to his fellow benders. "Now, did you idiots _really_ need me to tell you to do that?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As twilight began and the sun all but completely set, Yue looked out upon the countless ships, which ceased their attack moments ago. "They've stopped firing."<p>

Beside the princess of the Northern Water Tribe, Katara raised an eyebrow and gawked. "No #`*&, your majesty!" She then rolled her eyes. "Well, least now I know why they thought women were too dumb to handle real water bending."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Let's follow through with that scene and let it play out a different way.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As twilight began and the sun all but completely set, Yue looked out upon the countless ships, which ceased their attack moments ago. "They've stopped firing."<p>

Katara pointed at the approaching white beast and his rider. "Aang!" She and Yue watched the boy land and hurried towards him.

The Avatar's bison slumped against the ground as he slid off and the girls approached. "I can't do it…" He clutched his head. "I can't do it."

Hakoda's daughter hurried towards the bald boy. "What happened?"

"I must have taken out a dozen Fire Navy ships. But there're just too many of them!" Aang turned away. "I can't fight them all."

Yue looked down at the tattooed youth. "But, you _have to_. You're the avatar."

Aang looked back up. "I'm just one kid."

Katara then stepped forward. "With a twenty-thousand pound flying creature with horns, remember?"

The Avatar spun his head towards his friend and blinked twice. "What do you mean? Appa helped out."

Sokka's sister shook her head. "No, what I mean is, have him slam into the smoke stacks of the ship, not to break them, but bend and crush them. That way, all the smoke would go back into the ship itself and force them to either suffocate or turn off the engines leaving them dead in the water."

"Wow, Katara!" Aang's face lit up. "That's a great idea!" He slowly stood. "In fact, we may not even need to do that much. If I can get from smoke stack to smoke stack and shoot blasts of air into them, that might be enough to do the trick!"

However, the boy then cringed. "Ugh… But Appa and I are exhausted from fighting those ships the hard way."

The water bender laughed. "Hey, no biggie. It looks like they stopped for the night. Take a half-hour or hour to rest, then jump 'em."

"Great idea!"

"And obvious too."

"Indeed."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside a barracks of the Northern Water Tribe, Han and the boy from the Southern Water Tribe sharpened their axes as other men huddled together and talked with spears in hand. "Let me tell ya', Soka, even though everyone here should be insisting we go over battle plans, review information, drill attack formations, or just psych ourselves and our comrades up for the sneak attack; instead of sharpening tools that we not only won't even be able to use since we'll be wearing disguises that these axes don't match and can't be concealed by, but also should be the duty of someone else, since we're the ones who need to be doing the above mentioned things; I feel that this is a perfect time to tell you that I've courted a lot of girls, but Yue is the…"<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under the moonlight, Zuko, in a beige outfit with a hood and mask that covered his head and face, rowed his small canoe closer and closer to the wall of the Northern Water Tribe. As he drifted his craft around small ice bergs and looked up at the all-but-empty top of the gateway, a single thought ran through his head. <em>Man, I'm sure glad there aren't more guards stationed on the main gate while all these Fire Nation ships are, like, 300 yards away.<em>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On a balcony of the main hall of the Northern Water Tribe, Yue stood beside the Avatar, who slumped against the railing with Momo on his head, and his water bending friend as she stared up at the full moon. "The legends say the moon was the first water bender. Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves."<p>

Katara turned towards the princess. "I've always noticed my water bending is stronger at night."

Arnook's daughter kept her eyes aimed at the sky above. "Our strength comes from the Spirit of the Moon. Our life comes from the Spirit of the Ocean. They work together to keep balance."

At that moment, Aang's eyes widened. "The spirits!" He perked up, causing his lemur to fly off his head. "Maybe I can find them and get their help!"

Yue turned towards the boy. "How can you do that?" She saw Katara walk beside him.

"The Avatar is the bridge between our world and the Spirit World. Aang can talk to them!"

The princess smiled. "Maybe they'll give you the wisdom to win this battle!"

Aang grinned. "Yeah, like: Attack in full force when you're at your strongest and your enemy's at their weakest!"

"Yup! Just like that!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the Spirit Oasis, Princess Yue stood next to Katara as Aang sat in font of the pond and meditated. "Shouldn't we be telling someone where the Avatar is going to be during this time of impending attack by hundreds, if not thousands, of Fire Navy troops?"<p>

Katara shook her head. "Nah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the Spirit Oasis, Yue saw the Avatar's eyes and tattoos glow. "Is he ok?"<p>

Beside the princess, Katara stood calmly. "He's crossing over into the Spirit World. He'll be fine as long as we don't move his body. That's his way back to the physical world."

Arnook's daughter began to run. "Maybe we should get some help!"

"No!" The water bender saw the princess stop and she smiled. "He's my friend. I'm perfectly capable of protecting him." Just then, she heard the voice of the Prince of the Fire Nation and her eyes shot open.

"Well, aren't you a big girl now!"

Katara spun her head towards the scarred teen. "No…"

Zuko glared at her from one of the small bridges on the oasis. "Yes. Hand him over and I won't-."

"No, not that. How did you find us?"

The banished prince raised his good eyebrow. "What do you mean? I knew the Avatar was at the North Pole."

"That I understand. But, I meant that, we're in a secluded area of the Northern Water Tribe. An area that can only be accessed by going through the main hall of the city. We told nobody where we were going. And didn't leave anything that could be _remotely_ called a trail." Hakoda's daughter threw her hands apart and stared at the fire bender. "So how did you find out about this place? Get through any guards in the main hall? And, more importantly, _know we were back here_?"

Ozai's son blinked twice. "You know, you're not going to believe me, but I don't know." He slowly shook his head. "I just don't know."

The banished prince then dropped into a fighting stance. "Well, regardless of how random and totally nonsensical this has played out to be, I'm not missing this chance!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the last air bender thrown over his back, Zuko trudged through a fierce blizzard and away from the oasis, the coast, and the battle between his nation and the Water Tribe. With each step taken in the harsh snowstorm, he spoke through gritted teeth. "Why! Am I! Going! In the! Wrong! Direction?"<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the heart of the Spirit Oasis, Katara dropped to her knees at the front of the pond as her brother, the princess of the Northern Water Tribe, Momo and Appa, stood beside her. "I can't believe I lost him."<p>

Sokka sighed. "You did everything you could. _Now_ we need to do everything we can to get him back." He watched his sister look at him with slightly-tearing eyes. "Zuko couldn't have gotten far, we'll find him. Aang's gonna be fine."

The water bender nodded and stood. "Ok." She then followed her brother and Yue onto Appa's back before glancing down at the lemur.

"It's alright. You stay here, Momo, incase Aang comes back."

Hakoda's son then whipped the bison's rein's. "Yip yip."

As Appa flew into the sky, Katara raised an eyebrow. "Hey, quick thought. Shouldn't we be telling someone where the princess is going to be during this time of impending attack by hundreds, if not thousands, of Fire Navy troops?"

Sokka shook his head. "Nah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the bridge of his command ship, Admiral Zhao stood beside the Dragon of the West and placed his hands on the gold railing as he smiled. "Years ago, I stumbled upon a great and powerful secret: the identity of the moon spirit's mortal form."<p>

Iroh's eyes widened. "What?"

Zhao closed his eyes and continued to wear his grin. "I was a young lieutenant serving under General Shu in the Earth Kingdom. I discovered a hidden library, underground, in fact. I tore threw scroll, after scroll. One of them contained a detailed illustration and the words 'Moon' and 'Ocean.'

"I knew then that these spirits could be found… and _killed_." The admiral narrowed his eyes. "And that it was my destiny to do so."

Iroh glared at Zhao. "No! You didn't!"

The middle-aged man spun his head. "What? What are you talking about? Of course I did! I remember it quite well!"

"Is that a fact?" The old man crossed his arms. "Is that why, never once, have you looked at a water bender and said something like 'Enjoy your pathetic powers while you can, savage' or looked up at the night sky and ominously said 'Soon…' or 'One day...'? There wasn't even a single time you boasted about you having a great and important destiny! Even when you were talking about this invasion back on the mainland, you never had a hungry or over-zealous look in your eyes! Where does this come from, Zhao? _Where_?"

As the admiral gritted his teeth and stammered the Dragon of the West continued.

"This is monkey-bull-#`*& if it's actually true! This would be like, if someone wrote a book that consisted of twenty chapters and the reasoning behind the climactic end wasn't foreshadowed in the slightest bit until the nineteenth chapter! Not even in the eighteenth! It's crap, Zhao, and you don't get to have it!"

Admiral Zhao narrowed his eyes and huffed at the retired general. "Yeah, well, I did and I do! So I guess the fates who guide our lives are really just a few writers who pull climactic plot elements out of their %##-es at the last minute!" He then turned back to the Water Tribe's city. "Now don't act so grumpy, it's not like these 'writers' will make a habit out of it."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep inside a dark cave in the Spirit World, an enormous centipede currently wearing an owl's face coiled around the young Avatar. "It's been a while since I've added a child's face to my collection. So… <em>how may I help you<em>?"

Aang remained stolid as Koh twisted its body around his own. "I need to find the Moon and the Ocean."

The spirit faced the boy. "Their spirit names are Tui and La." It resumed circling the child. "Push and pull. And _that_ has been the nature of their relationship for all time."

The tattooed youth kept his blank expression. "Please, help me find them. An entire culture could be destroyed if I don't get their help."

The centipede's face changed from an owl to an old man with big, grey eyebrows. "Oh… you think you need _their_ help. Actually it's _quite_ the other way around…"

Koh shot itself towards Aang and wore the face of a blue monster. "SOMEONE'S GOING TO KILL THEM!"

The young avatar closed his eyes calmly and breathed deeply. "What do you mean? How can I find them and protect them?"

The spirit changed its face to that of a white-painted mask. "You've already met them, actually." It stood up and turned to the roof of its cave. "Tui and La, your Moon and Ocean, always circled each other in an eternal dance. They balance each other. Push and pull. Life and death. _Good_ and _evil_. Yin… and yang…"

Aang's eyes shot open as his mind flashed him an image of the fish in the Spirit Oasis. However, in the next second, his face resumed the stoic expression. "Please stop leading me the wrong way, Koh. The koi fish couldn't be the spirits."

Koh spun around and wore the owl face. "You are confused, Avatar. They _are_ the spirits!"

The tattooed youth sighed. "Koh, I think someone, especially the princess, would have known that those two fish were the Moon and the Ocean."

"Ah, but you see? She did not. None of them know."

"None of them? No one in the history of the Northern Water Tribe has ever wondered why those two fish have been in that pond, just circling one another, for generation after generation? Never dying. Never spawning babies. It's just been those exact two fish for thousands, maybe millions, of years and nobody noticed?"

The giant centipede nodded. "Well, they may have noticed, but that doesn't say they're spirits."

"'Doesn't say they're spirits'? So Princess Yue didn't bother to tell me anything about the fish being a possible link to the Spirit World? You know, since they lived in the oasis for as far back as her people's recorded history would have said?" Aang felt the urge to yell and curse building in his throat, but took a deep breath and suppressed the feeling. "Koh… If you're not going to take this seriously, I will be leaving now."

The Avatar politely bowed. "Goodbye."

As the Avatar hurried out of his cave, the centipede changed his face to that of a bald, middle-aged man. "We'll meet again."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the crimson moon tinted the world in a blood-red hue, the Avatar, his friends, and his beasts stood opposite of Zhao and his soldiers in the spirit Oasis. The tattooed youth dropped into a fighting stance as his armored foes lowered themselves into their own stances. However, the admiral continued to stand tall.<p>

"Don't bother!" Zhao lifted the sac containing the Moon Spirit and pointed a fist at it.

Aang's eyes shot open. "Zhao!" He dropped his staff and held up his arms. "Don't!"

"It's my destiny… To destroy the moon and the Water Tribe."

"Destroying the moon won't hurt _just_ the Water Tribe. It'll hurt everyone… including you. Without the moon, everything will fall out of balance. You have _no idea_ what kind of chaos that'll unleash on the world."

As the navy admiral stared at the young boy, Iroh, wrapped in a black cloak, made his way into the Spirit Oasis and stepped onto a small wooden bridge. "He is right, Zhao!"

The fleet commander turned to his right. "General Iroh…" He sighed. "Why am I not surprised to discover your treachery?"

Zuko's uncle removed his hood. "If you're not surprised that I'm betraying you, why'd you bring me along on your destiny-defining mission?"

Zhao gritted his teeth. "Uh…"

"Honestly, Zhao! You made certain that I knew I was welcome, not as some lackey captain of one of the ships, but as your military consultant! And you said you knew about my trip to the Spirit World, right?"

"Well, yes. Yes, I did those things."

"So why bring me along? It's like you didn't make a single aspect of this plan until the _very last minute_! As though you just pulled this idea out of your %## without any forethought or planning!"

The admiral looked at the ground. "Wow… That really wasn't my brightest move, was it?" He then turned and glanced at one of his armored soldiers. "You! Make a note: I am to begin making my plans for the final moments of any future climactic, destiny-defining battles well in advance. That way, I _won't_ make any critical mistakes that look like stupid %##-pulls to any objective observer."

The soldier nodded. "Yes, sir."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the calm waters and the aftermath of the siege lay all around them, Chief Arnook and the boy from the Southern Water Tribe stood on an icy ledge. In the early morning light, the man and the teen looked up through grey clouds and at the full moon. "The spirits gave me a vision when Yue was born. I saw a beautiful, brave young woman... become… the Moon spirit."<p>

The chieftain closed his eyes and lowered his head. "I knew this day would come."

Sokka kept staring at the sky and spoke softly. "You must be proud."

"Proud? I'm _not_ proud!" Arnook's shot his eyes open as he glared at the frozen water. "I'M PISSED AS ALL HELL!"

The man threw his arms out. "I mean, HOLY #`*&! That $%^-ing Ocean spirit could've gone water-monster on the Fire Nation right from the start, but didn't bother to do anything until its sweet-little Moon fish got killed! I'm sorry, but if I recall, we worshipped that stupid piece of #`*& day in and day out!"

The chieftain bared his teeth as he squeezed his hands into fists. "My people were being slaughtered! Our homes were destroyed! I SENT YOUNG MEN ON A SUICIDE MISSION!"

Arnook swung his closed hand towards the ocean. "All because some stupid bastard couldn't lift a $%^-ing fin when the people who pray to it were facing annihilation!"

Tears welled in the man's blood-red eyes as he ripped off his neck band and threw it towards the waves. "$%^ YOU! YOU CAN SHOW ME MY DAUGHTER'S GOING TO DIE, BUT TELLING ME TO SEND THE AVATAR TO THE OASIS IS TO MUCH FOR YOU?"

Sokka cringed and stepped back as the father of the girl he loved fell to his knees and started pounding his fists on the ice.

"YOU BASTARDS! YOU HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE BASTARDS!"

Katara's brother saw the man begin to rise and then watched as he turned around and walk back towards his city's main hall. "Wait! Wh… where are you going?"

Arnook spun his head and glared at Sokka. "I'm going to punch a stupid black fish in its fat $%^-ing face!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Season 1 is over and done! Whew, I gotta tell ya, I was editing this baby and adding scenes up to the very last minute. Though, even through my emotional high, I have to say that this season finale is really depressing on a multitude of levels. First, you gotta wonder if the Fire Nation is right about them being the only worthwhile country. I mean, how stupid is the Northern Water Tribe?**

**'Hey, everyone, we're fully powered by the full moon and they are completely weakened by the lack of sun. They've stopped attacking, so we can totally attack with our benders now. Should we?'**

**'Nah.'**

**Then there's Yue. _Hmm… The Avatar needs to know about the Moon and Ocean spirits. Should I mention that these two fish have lived here, literally, for forever and probably have some connection to them?_**

**_Nah_**

**Next, for fans of storytelling in general, you can look all throughout Book 1 and you won't find a single comment from Zhao that foreshadows killing the Moon spirit until you get to Chapter 19.**

**Lastly, just read that final scene. Arnook was told his daughter was going to die, basically saying that the spirits saved Yue just as a future investment for their own sake rather than, you know, as a thank you to the people who worship them, revere them, and pay tribute to them. Not only that, Yue didn't have to die. Why couldn't the Ocean spirit just create Koi-zilla when Aang was trying to get to the Spirit World?**

**Yet, the Northern Water Tribe will continue to worship the very spirits who let so many lives be cut short while others were ruined.**

**I don't know whether this counts as fridge logic or fridge horror. What I do know is that I'd like someone to please make a picture for me of Arnook beating up the Ocean spirit for me while he curses it for not creating that water monster when the Fire Navy showed up. Can be with his fists, with a club, a rock, heck, have him swinging one of those turtle-seals at it. Whatever you want. I just would love that catharsis right now.**

**Now for the positives!**

**Season 2 is well planned and underway as we speak. I've already got Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 material from long, long ago when I first watched the series. You won't wanna miss a single joke.**

**There's plenty of laughs lined up for Azula, the Spirit Library, the White Lotus, the swamp, Mai and Ty Lee, Ba Sing Se and its walls, Long Feng, the Serpant's Pass,…**

**And…**

**Don't forget…**

**The number one character of the show…**

**That firecracker who catches our hearts with stone…**

**The greatest earth bender of all time…**

**The one…**

**The only…**

**TheDaiLiAgentWhoHypnotizedJet!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Toph<strong>_**: **_**WHAT?**_

_**Dai Li Agent: Know it!**_

* * *

><p><strong>That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for<strong>

**A Special Treat**


	19. The First Special Treat

**Alright, boys and girls, it's time for the special treat I promised you.**

**Over the past three months I've been writing **_**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender**_**, inquiries and comments about this satire have poured in. Such things including: the amount of swearing the characters will or won't do at times, why I made fun of a certain scene when there could have been an explanation for it, I've even had people asking why I don't reference the AtLA Abridged Series.**

**Well, since you all have asked my many of the same questions at such a frequent rate, I decided to end every book with an FAQ. Your chance to ask one big question that's been nagging in the back of your mind and have me answer it, LIVE in the next chapter.**

**So go ahead. You can ask me anything you want and it will be answered next week on September, 30 2011. Only thing I won't respond to is specific contact information.**


	20. FAQ

**The messages have poured in! The masses have spoken! Let my wisdom flow forth like the juice of a mighty cactus!**

_girlbird3 writes:_

Other than Appa, which character did you find was the source of the most  
>facepalm moments in book one?<p>

_daveshan replies:_

I'd have to say that title would have to go to Aang first and Iroh in a close second.

Aang's power seems to be horribly inconsistent from one moment to the next. On some days, he could bench-press a house with just air (and without the avatar state). On others… a tiny net is his undoing. I understand he has that stereotypical, monkish I-don't-want-to-hurt-people mentality, but even that seems to change every episode.

Iroh has some leeway because of the White Lotus and his secret plans for Zuko siding with the Avatar. However, a lot of times the things he does are leaving too much to chance and makes the odds even worse. Like when he took Zhao's offer for tea in the third episode; any half-brained moron would know that talking to his nephew's rival would be a bad idea at such a delicate moment.

Also, I'd like to take this time to point out something that I get asked about a lot regarding Iroh. Yes, I know that the original Iroh was meant to hinder Zuko and teach him incorrect fire bending. However, that was in a completely different storyline. So much different, you'd consider it an AU if anyone posted it online.

* * *

><p>NEXT QUESTION!<p>

* * *

><p><em>Justice333 writes:<em>

Sweet! So, WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?

Ha, just kidding...anyway, my question is what first inspired you to make this  
>in the first place? Did you have the idea for a while or did you post it the<br>second it popped into your head?

_daveshan replies:_

My number is 42.

I've had one or two scenes bouncing around in my head starting sometime around early 2009.

The reason that I hadn't done anything until now was that I always wanted to make an abridged series out of the show even though Xan Gannazanhanghabinganaba… however you spell it… already made one. Problem was, time, resources, and skills eluded me. But, when Xan [something] got to The Northern Water Tribe, I realized that I had to start making this or else it could get to the point where my one of my original and best jokes (the tidal wave/melt the city/ you're all a bunch of morons in Ch.19 & 20) would look plagiarized. I figured it's too easy of a joke for anyone to miss.

But the original, original, original joke that I had in mind was going to be a scene where Azula of all people gave a 'What the Hell, Hero?' combined with a 'Reason You Suck Speech' to Zuko and Katara after they **[OMG! Spoilers!]** beat her in the finale.

The above mentioned scene has changed, though. After going through the series again and realizing more and more, I decided that, not only does it need more of a kick than Azula can give, but that she alone couldn't do all the most hidden reveals justice.

Plus, there's someone else who needs to give Zuko a reason-you-suck talking to before the finale even happens.

* * *

><p>MOVING ON!<p>

* * *

><p><em>iWriteStuff202 writes this stuff:<em>

RANDOM QUESTION FOR NO REASON: what's your opinion on ships like Kataang, Zutara, Tokka, Azulaang, Taang, iWu (Uncle Iroh and Aunt Wu), and Maikka (Mai and Sokka)? I know it doesn't really matter for this fic, but whatever :P

_daveshan replies with this stuff:_

Not to be a picky prick, but I prefer to call this a satire rather than a fic. Just 'cause a fic is a story with continuity and what not. This is just poking fun at AtLA and revealing a few hidden, twisted facts.

Back to the question: I hope I'm free to talk about ships now that the finale has come and gone and all the wars have settled down. For those of you who've read Wren Sharpbeak's AMAZING fan fic, she's actually said that people sent her messages that they stopped reading when she finally gave definitive hints about who Katara would end up with in her story.

It's pathetic, I know, but as a disclaimer, I'm going to say this:

_**Everything I am about to say about the ships is wrong. It's incorrect, even if it is exactly what you think, because if you were responding to this question, you could have made it sound better.**_

-**Kataang**, or SugarToes as I liked to call it, is the poster child for why I hate it when the main guy and main girl get together in a story. The writers put little-to-no effort in making it look credible, fall through on moments that could have made it better, and, accidentally make another pairing or two look much, much better.

I could go into a whole rant and thesis about Aunt Wu's predictions, what the Guru said, the last-minute retcon of what the Guru said when Aang was talking to Yangchen's spirit in the finale, him kissing her without any kind of O.K. in Ember Island Players, and other moments. However, what genuinely irked me about it was that all of Aang and Katara's big moments together were ignored after the episode when they happened.

The necklace Aang made her during The Fortuneteller and hearing he was a 'powerful bender', getting the actual necklace back in Bato of the Water Tribe, the emotional exchanges regarding Appa in The Desert and The Serpent's Pass, giving up the avatar state for her, and, most of all, the kiss at the invasion. All of these things you will not find talked about after the episode they occur in. Except for the kiss, which was half-heartedly mentioned 7 episodes after it happened.

Suffice to say, I don't like it and never did.

-**Zutara**, a.k.a. Zuzueen, was somewhat better than Katara and Aang because it looked like a relationship that Mike and Bryan were actually working to make plausible, though it still had a few 'Um… where did that come from?' moments.

Zuko and Katara always remembered what they had done to the other one and what the other had done to them. After Zuko joined the Gaang, he worked hard to make up for 'betraying her' in Ba Sing Se and it worked in spades. Honestly, when I saw Ember Island Players and how Zuko and Katara reacted to each other, especially during the cave scene in the play, I thought they had sex the night before and weren't sure what it meant to the other one.

The downside, the BIG downside, was that, it didn't really have any hints until the season 2 finale and then nothing again until The Western Air Temple. The necklace thing was meaningless, he was just trying to goad her. Jun's remarks in Bato of the Water Tribe could've been foreshadowing, if it weren't for the fact that there were no positive interaction between Zuko and Katara until the season 2 finale.

Some of you may remember the 'Zutara Evidence for the Intellectual Dummy' video series. I was friends with the two who made it and I thought the videos were cute. But I didn't believe 90% of them.

Was I a Zutarian back in the day? Yes. However, that was only because it was the better of two evils.

-**Maiko** worked for me. I didn't think it was as romantic or epic as it could have been, mostly because Mai was just horrible for Zuko until the last ten minutes of Boiling Rock. If Mike and Bryan had made Mai more like that throughout the series, it would have been so much better.

Suffice to say, I am glad it made sense. They were childhood friends and they did have to work to keep their relationship alive through everything that happened. The argument during The Beach, the letter he left her during the invasion, and, as I said, the Boiling Rock all made the relationship work in my eyes.

My only complaint against it would have to be how long it took for Mai to be someone I'd want Zuko to end up with. Up until she helped Zuko & co. escape, my impression of her was 'She's not in control of her emotions, she's just boring.' The escape assist proved me wrong.

Maiko isn't an amazing, fantastic, super-special awesome romance to me. But it's a good one.

-**Tokka**, **Yukka**, and **George** (SokkaxSuki) was a pretty easy one to decide on. Yue was dead. Toph was 12 while Sokka was 15. Suki was the only choice. The only downside was that nobody could come to an agreement on whether it should be called 'Sokki' or 'Suka' or 'Sukka' and either way it all looked too much like their actual names, so people on the TvGuide forums decided to just call it 'George.'

I don't know why they picked that name. It happened before I joined.

-**Azulaang** can actually be done very well in AU fics, which is why I'm bothering to give it a blurb. When a decent writer puts those two on the same side or as neutrals in a different war or modern-times story, it can fit quite well.

_Distorted Reality_ by Orgo (shame he didn't finish it) is a great example of how Azula and Aang can be a fun couple to write.

-**Taang** is just adorable. Not because of the opposites thing. But because their little kids who are at an age where they're just discovering what love is and it's so pure and uncorrupt and just… awwwwww…

I never thought it would happen, though. Aang made no romantic gestures towards her and she made none towards him. It's squeamishly cute to read in the right author's fic or see in a good artist's art. But, I never actually saw it as coming to life in the show.

But,dangIwishithadbecauseit'sjustsocute!

I mean, come on, their little hand-holding moment in The Avatar and the Fire Lord was precious.

-**All ships involving Iroh** are just 'No' in my book. I don't want to think about that guy getting on with anyone at all. There are just so many reasons, I don't want to go into them.

-**Jinko** was my favorite. It was the one I honestly, truly, and really wanted to see happen even though I knew it never would. I always hoped that season 3 would've played out that Zuko had some reason to stay in Ba Sing Se or that Jin was dragged to the Fire Nation because she was such a fun girl and it really complimented Zuko's angst-ieness.

My other reason for liking Zuko and Jin was that Jin was my favorite girl in the entire show and I wanted her to have more time in the cast and end up with a good man and live happily ever after.

Every now and then, I'll lose a couple hours to a Jinko fic because there are so many ways her story can work.

-**Zukaang** should've been cannon and everyone knows it.

-**Every other relationship that will combine two names into obscurity for the sake of the author's 'divine enlightenment over what love is'** is just that. I've seen KataraxOzai fics. Suffice to say, if you think any of those pairings can work, just write it believable and I'm sure it will inspire everyone else to think like that. So much so that Mike and Bryan will add few minutes into the first episode of The Legend of Korra to make sure that everyone knows your pairing got together.

* * *

><p>THUS BRINGS US TO THE NEXT INQUIRY<p>

* * *

><p><em>XrhiaX writes:<em>

Oh, awesome! I've been reading your story since the start and it never ceases  
>to make me go and watch an episode where I missed something. My question is,<br>since you've been watching the episodes and paying such close attention, were  
>you surprised at all to hear people talk about 'Zuko's lisp'?<p>

_daveshan replies:_

$%^ why did you tell me about the lisp? I can't un-hear it now!

Glad to hear from a fan.

* * *

><p>AND ON THIS DAY, THE LORD SAID: LET THE NEXT QUESTION BE SPOKEN<p>

* * *

><p><em>Vaneria Potter writes:<em>

****Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. #`*&!  
>He's on to me.****<p>

Just what is Iroh up to, anyway?

_daveshan replies:_

Tsk, tsk, my dear. You know I can't spoil anything. Suffice to say that if you pay attention to the show, you'll see it's something he had planned all along.

* * *

><p>SECRET NEXTQUESTION! SECRET NEXTQUESTION!<p>

* * *

><p><em>EarthRunner writes:<em>

Ohhh! I got one!

Describe in 10 words what you thought of the movie The Last Airbender.

_daveshan replies:_

10 Most movie adaptations leave out a lot from the original story and the fact that The Last Airbender was just re-hashing a bunch of the episodes made it even less intriguing than normal. I would have tolerated, maybe enjoyed, it if M. Night had done an AU or a retelling, but kept all the characters and their personalities the same. Heck, just look around the internet for hundreds of thousands of altered retellings of the entire story that are quite well done. However, it was painfully obvious from his choices for Sokka and Katara that he didn't care about artistic integrity or imaginative alterations. Thus, I ended up not seeing it. words

[Trollface for that one]

* * *

><p>TREMBLE, MORTALS! FOR THE NEXT QUESTION APPROACHES!<p>

* * *

><p><em>Carrot-Bunny writes:<em>

Alright, so I have a question AND a request, so take note.

Question: Do you actually LIKE AtLA? Coz I'm just curious if you're doing this  
>for fun or if you actually hate the show. Your reply might affect any future<br>continuations of this story on my part.

Request: Can you invite the AtLA characters to explain all the illogical stuff  
>going on and respond to what you've written? Makes for great comic relief,<br>believe me.

_daveshan replies:_

No, I hate AtLA. The reason I spend hours and hours and hours and hours watching all the episodes is for only and solely to make fun of it. I do this because, even though I'm 26 years old, I have the emotional maturity of a 5th grader. Best part is, I'm sure Mike and Bryan, as they go to bed on gold-laced mattresses, stuffed full of hundred dollar bills, cry themselves to sleep every night knowing that their work is seen as flawed by a person whom has no real credibility in the literary world.

I hope that answered your question.

As for your request, I'll think about it. I'm still bouncing a few ideas around about what to do for The Ember Island Players. Having a panel or something with all the characters breaking the fourth wall is a thought.

* * *

><p><strong>That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2: Chapter 1<strong>

**The Avatar State**


	21. Book 2: Chapter 1

_Season twoooooo! Season twoooooooooooo! Seasonnnnnnn TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_I'm excited._

_So let's not waste any more time, friends and fans. Here's the first installment of the second book: __The Avatar State__._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 1**

When the Avatar and his friends landed on the terrace of General Fong's base and dismounted from their sky bison, the general and his men stepped forward and formed a line while the commanding officer smiled and extended his arms. "Welcome, Avatar Aang!" The general saw the air bender and his friends stop stretching and turn towards him as he and his men bowed. "I am General Fong."

The Earth Kingdom officer then rose and threw his arms out. "And welcome to all of you: great heroes! Appa! Momo!" He watched the lemur fly to the monk. "Brave Sokka!" The older boy puffed out his chest. "The Mighty Katara!"

The water bender smirked and crossed her arms as her bald friend grinned from ear to ear. "'Mighty Katara'? I like that." She and her friends then jumped at the sounds of explosions and turned around to see fireworks going off in the sky.

Hakoda's daughter, her brother, and the Avatar glanced at the ground and saw Earth Kingdom soldiers bending green spheres up and then punching them into the sky. The balls sped up until they exploded in an array of colors and sound.

Sokka eyes shot open as he smiled. "Holy #`*&! You guys have are living bomb launchers!"

General Fong and his men all froze as they looked at each other. "What do you mean?"

The Water Tribe warrior spun around and stared at the general. "What do you mean, 'what do I mean'?" He pointed at the men who stopped shooting fireworks. "You guys have a way to accurately launch and guide explosive material towards your enemies!"

Sokka's sister smiled as well. "Wow! This must be your new weapon against the Fire Nation, which is why we've never seen them before! I mean, yeah, for the military version, you'd have to make them bigger than those to put more explosive material into them, but everything should still work the same, right?"

Aang whistled. "Those _are_ amazing. I bet we're going to see them on the battlefield a lot. Especially with Sozin's Comet so close."

The leader of the Earth Kingdom troops rubbed his long beard. He then turned around to his men. "Group huddle!" Several of his men hurried around him and began whispering to their leader and each other. A moment later, the huddle broke and General Fong spun around and smiled. "Young Avatar, we can depart for Omashu whenever you are ready!"

The monk scratched his head. "So soon?"

"Well, we had other plans and things we wanted to try, but with this, we don't need them."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>High atop a cliff that overlooked General Fong's outpost, the Earth Kingdom officer sat underneath a small wooden shrine. Around the round table in front of him, an herbalist placed a small root into a ceramic tea pot as the Avatar and his friends sat adjacent. "This rare, chi-enhancing tea is a natural stimulant. In an ordinary warrior it improves strength and energy ten-fold. In you, it may induce the avatar state."<p>

Aang looked down at the cup the tea sat in. "Ten-fold energy, huh? I guess you guys must try to get your hands on this a lot and it surely will not be the last we see of it. I mean, rare though it may be, the ability to make a soldier ten times better in an instant has gotta be worth a lot. You must be putting a lot of energy into growing or cultivating or manufacturing the ingredients for this tea. I bet, with a hundred years of war and the comet closing in, we're sure to see this stuff spring up again in our travels, huh?"

General Fong glared at the boy and stroked his beard. "Just drink the damn tea."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As cherry blossoms bloomed and dropped their leaves outside of Iroh and his nephew's cabin, the old general emptied a bag of sea shells onto a table and smiled at them as he picked one up. "Look at these magnificent shells!" He grabbed another one. "I'll enjoy these keepsakes for years to come."<p>

Behind the Dragon of the West, Zuko scowled at his uncle. "We don't need anymore useless things! You forget, we have to carry everything ourselves now!" Suddenly, he heard a young woman's cold voice from across the room.

"Hello, brother…"

Ozai's son and brother spun their heads to see the princess of the Fire Nation sitting at another shell-covered table.

"…Uncle."

Zuko narrowed his eyes, but then instantly raised his eyebrow. "Ok… I was going to ask what you're doing here, but now I'm curious how long you've been sitting there? I mean, did Uncle and I really just walk in to a one-room cabin, in the middle of the day, and not notice that there was someone else here? And did you really wait until after Uncle and I walked in, he examined his shells, and I gave a little quip before announcing your presence? Did you really wait for all that?"

Azula nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As night bathed Zuko and Iroh's cabin in darkness, the scarred prince hastily moved back and forth through the cottage, packing his things. "We're going home!" The teen watched his uncle rub his chin. "After three long years! It's unbelievable!"<p>

Iroh lowered his hand and crossed his arms. "It _is _unbelievable." He rubbed his beard. "I have never known my brother to regret anything."

"Did you listen to Azula? Father realizes how important family is to him." The prince narrowed his eyes. "He cares about me!"

"_I_ care about you! And if Ozai wants you back, well, I think it may not be for the reasons you imagine."

The prince turned his back to his uncle. "You don't know how my father feels about me! You don't know anything!"

"Zuko, I only meant that, in our family, things aren't always what they seem." _And that is the only warning I will ever give you._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In his translucent, spiritual form, Aang found himself on the back of Roku's dragon while his previous life sat at the front of the beast.<p>

Roku glanced at his reincarnation. "It's time you learned." The former avatar's dragon took them into the sky and through yellow clouds, where all the past avatars stood and looked on.

"The avatar state is a defense mechanism, designed to empower you with the skills and knowledge of all the past avatars. The glow… is the combination of all your past lives. Focusing their energies into _your _body.

"In the avatar state, you are at your most powerful. But you're also… at your most vulnerable."

Aang's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"If you are killed in the avatar state…" Roku and the other spirits began to disappear. "…the reincarnation cycle will be broken." All the avatars lined up beside the tattooed youth and the vanished. "And the avatar will _cease_ to exist."

The Air Nomad called out into the void. "Ok, so teach me how to control it!"

Roku immediately appeared again. "What?"

"Just tell me how to control the avatar state." Aang shrugged his shoulders. "How did all of you do it? Surely there has to be a way, right?"

"Well of course."

"So how do I do it?"

The past avatar gritted his teeth. "It's a… um… long and complicated process."

"That's ok. I've gotta go to Omashu to learn earth bending. I've got time to kill."

"The details are too long for this brief meeting."

"Again, that's fine. Just show up in my dreams or something. Or can you point me in the direction of a person or set of scrolls that can teach me?"

"Well… uh… see the thing is… um…" The former avatar pointed behind the boy. "WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?"

Aang simply huffed. "Did you really think I was gonna fall for that?"

"Er… It was worth a shot."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, short one today, huh? I suppose it's for the best. I'm still worn from everything that was pulled apart in the season 1 finale. Yeah, that chapter I did three weeks ago… Just drink your damn tea.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 2: Chapter 2**

**The Cave of Two Lovers**


	22. Book 2: Chapter 2

_Wow, it seems like a lot of people liked Azula's line in the last chapter. It seems to be many readers' favorite.  
><em>

_None the less, do you guys remember when Mike and Bryan claimed that Katara and Aang's relationship was the 'DNA of the story'? Remember also how it comes up in, about, less than a fifth of the episodes? How about how any single event that happens between them isn't talked about after the end of said chapter? Well, here's one of those episodes. So, if you're a fan of their relationship, enjoy The Cave of Two Lovers._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 2**

Deep in a forest in the middle of the Earth Kingdom, Zuko scowled at the ground as he trotted through the woods. With a long stick over his shoulder and only a tiny fish on the end of the stick, he approached his uncle, who sat facing a bush that lacked its white and red flower.

"Zuko, remember that plant I thought might be tea?"

The prince's eyes widened. "You didn't…"

Iroh nodded. "I did." He turned and stared at his nephew with a rash-covered face. "And it wasn't."

Zuko simply narrowed his eyes. "No, Uncle, you didn't. We have no tea pots. No cups. No canteens of water. Nor anything that can substitute for any of those above mentioned things. You didn't. You ate it raw. There's no other explanation."

The scarred teen threw his arms into the air. "And now, we have to go to a nearby Earth Kingdom town for help or be turned over to Azula! The fact that you didn't weigh these risks properly makes me think you're trying to subtly make me sympathize with the Earth Kingdom so that I'll want to side against Fire Nation!"

The old fire bender gritted his teeth as he scratched at his rashes. _#`*&! He's on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As soon as Katara, her companions, and the singing nomads entered the Cave of Two Lovers, a platoon of Fire Nation tanks shot metal anchors into the frame of the entry way. With the sound of grinding metal ringing in her ear, the water bender spun around and gasped as the tanks yanked out stone and caused a cave in.<p>

Rocks fell and crumbled under the weight of each other and, once the dust settled, Sokka's sister approached Appa, who desperately claw at the fallen earth. "It's ok, Appa. We'll be fine." She lowered her head. "I hope."

Hakoda's son stood tall. "We will be fine. All we need is for our twenty-thousand pound bison here to charge the rocks and smash them to pieces. They aren't tightly bound, so it won't cause another cave in. Then, we have him destroy the tanks if they're still out there and fly over this mountain, lickity split."

Katara faced her brother and smiled. "Good plan." She saw him smile back.

"Meh, it's just a simple and obvious idea. But thank you."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep inside the Cave of Two Lovers, Katara watched her brother twist his map in several directions as he stared at it. "Sokka, this is the tenth dead end you've led us to."<p>

The Water Tribe boy raised an eyebrow as he lowered his hands and stared at his sister. "And you're surprised… why? This is a humongous labyrinth and I'm making a map as we go. There's absolutely no reason I should know where the exit is."

"Oh… right. Sorry 'bout that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Aang entered the tomb, deep inside the mountain, he stared at the architecture around him. "It must be the two lovers from the legend. That's who's buried here."<p>

Katara, with a torch in hand, approached the main pedestal of the grave. "These pictures tell their story."

The water bender saw an image of a mountain with two people in fine robes atop it and began reading. "They met on top of the mountain that divided their two villages. Their villages were enemies, so they couldn't be together." She then glanced at a scene of the lovers stand on opposite hills across a canyon. "But their love was strong and they found a way."

When Katara moved to a picture of the lovers beside a giant mole, she continued. "The two lovers learned earth bending from the badger moles. They became the first earth benders." She saw pictures of them creating passages out of stone and then a map of a labyrinth. "They built elaborate tunnels so they could meet secretly." The girl glanced at a picture of them kissing. "Anyone who tried to follow them would be lost forever in the labyrinth.

Then, Sokka's sister spotted an image of the just the woman. "But, one day, the man didn't come." A scene of arrows and a woman crying over a grave came into vision. "He died in the war between their two villages."

The water bender then turned to the next picture of the woman standing on a pillar and summoning several stone towers. "Devastated, the woman unleashed a powerful display of her earth bending. She could have destroyed them all." She next saw a picture of the woman standing peacefully atop a pillar with many people around her. "Instead, she declared the war over."

When Katara saw a picture of Omashu, she continued. "Both villages helped her build a new city, where they would all live together in peace. The woman's name was 'Oma' and the man's name was 'Shu'. The great city was named 'Omashu' as a monument to their love."

Hakoda's daughter glanced at the Avatar and then turned around to a statue of the two lovers kissing. "Love is brightest… in the dark." She then scoffed. "Heh. Too bad it made the people as dim as wood."

Aang laughed. "No kidding. I mean, if they were willing to betray the trust and loyalty of friends, family, and fellow villagers all while putting up with this dark, damp place, just so they could be together why didn't they just run away from their villages? Especially after they learned earth bending!"

"Please, that's not the half of it. If the woman was able to create such a 'powerful display of earth bending' why didn't: A) The man do that too when he was being attacked? Or B) End the war as soon as they became that strong?"

"I know!" The tattooed youth then wore a stupid grin as he mimicked earth bending moves. "Herp derp! We can use our powers to make an entire labyrinth! Let's _not_ use the power to end this war!"

The water bender clutched her stomach as she laughed. "No. No. It's like this:" She stuck her top teeth out and crossed her eyes. "Derrrrrr… I'm being attacked in a war and I could use my bending to save me, but I'm just gonna die instead!"

The monk slapped his forehead. "And can you believe how dumb their fellow villagers were? 'Uh… Hey, Oma. Tun-Rei left into that big cave you're always going into, said she was going after you. She's been missing for three weeks and no one saw her since. What happened in there?'"

Hakoda's daughter snorted and laughed. "By the spirits, do you realize what horrible people that makes these two?" She clasped her hands over her heart. "'Whoa is us. Take pity on us. I mean, sure we created a complex series of tunnels, which we knew would be the cause of many slow and painful deaths of our fellow villagers, mostly from starvation and dehydration. But you should still pity us, the star-crossed lovers, you know despite the fact that we could have ended this war with our super powers before anyone else had to die. Pity us.'"

Both benders fell over backwards, crying out in hilarity as they rolled around on the floor.

"Oh man…" Katara wiped away a tear. "Those two were _stu_-_pid_!"

Aang clutched his stomach between laughs. "Glad they're gone."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The Avatar, his water bending teacher, and his sky bison walked down another tunnel, Aang glanced at their dwindling torch. "We're going to run out of light any second now, aren't we?"<p>

In front of the boy, Katara kept her head low. "I think so."

"Then what are we going to do?"

The Water Tribe girl turned around. "What can we do?"

As the two children stood facing one another in the glow of their fading torch, Katara slowly stepped forward and put her hand around Aang's. The two benders then looked into each other's eyes and leaned their face closer together. Before their lips could meet, the flame on the torch dwindled out.

Moments later, green rocks in the ceiling began to glow brightly. A long cluster of them shined an emerald light and formed a line through the tunnels.

Aang stared up at them. "It's made of some kind of crystals. They must only light up in the dark."

Katara smiled. "That must be how the two lovers found each other." She gestured at the ceiling. "They just turned out their lights and followed the crystals."

The water bender then pointed at the direction the crystals led. "That must be the way out!"

"What?"

Hakoda's daughter blinked twice. "What do you mean, 'what'? That's how we'll get out of here."

"Katara, they caves are constantly shifting. We figured that out back when we were with Sokka, remember? I'm willing to overlook that it makes it sound very strange that no one could follow the two lovers, as if their torches stayed lit until they died, because maybe it was just in that one tunnel at the time. But are you trying to tell me that, after what has to be more than 100,000 years, this tunnel hasn't shifted and changed to the point where it's no longer the way out? And that's assuming it ever was?"

Sokka's sister shrugged. "I suppose it doesn't make any sense at all. But do we have a better option right now?"

"Fair point. But it'll still be strange if this is actually the way out."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey, this one wasn't so bad. Not too long. Not too short. In fact, it was just right.  
><strong>

**I'd apologize to Kataang fans for ruining two of the biggest moments in your ship, but Mike and Bryan are the ones who should for making the two lovers incredibly stupid. I do, however, wanna give a shout out to DJNS for his fic: Reconstructed Destinies for the wonderful, wonderful way he phrased the lovers' story.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for: Book 2: Chapter 3**

**Return to Omashu**


	23. Book 2: Chapter 3

_Once again, we set foot in Omashu. That wonderful, crazy, mixed-up city with a mad genius for a king who can apparently hide his identity from visitors, because he has no statues or paintings of himself nor does anyone refer to him by name. Today, though, we will see the thin line between 'mad genius' and 'just plain stupid' crossed with leaps and bounds. Hope you're all ready for Return to Omashu._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 3**

Deep in the catacombs underneath the city of Omashu, Aang and his friends looked out upon the Earth Kingdom Resistance forces. "So, is King Bumi with you guys?" All eyes turned towards the boy. "Is he leading the Resistance?"

Ya, the leader of the Resistance, raised a clenched fist. "Of course not!" He lowered his arm. "The day of the invasion, we readied ourselves for battle. We were prepared to defend our city. To fight for our lives and for our freedom! But, before we had a chance, King Bumi…" The man lowered his eyes. "…surrendered."

Ya calmed himself and continued speaking to the air bender. "The day of the invasion, I asked King Bumi what he wanted to do. He looked me right in the eye and said, 'I'm going to do… NOTHING! Heheheheh!'"

Aang looked on with widened eyes. "So what did you and the rest of the army do?"

The leader of the Resistance raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

The nomad gestured out with his hand. "After Bumi showed he had a very bad plan. What did the rest of you do?"

"What could we do? Our king gave up."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "'What could we do?' Are you kidding me?"

Ya crossed his arms. "Well, pardon me. If you're so smart, what would you have done?"

Aang, Katara, and Sokka all groaned and slapped their foreheads as the tattooed boy stared at the Earth Kingdom soldier. "Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe something that involved the GIANT ROCKS you guys had and the enemies who were coming up the VERY STEEP HILL!"

The last air bender threw his arms out. "Come on, people! This isn't brain surgery! You have large, heavy objects! Your targets are approaching you from a deep mountain incline! For spirits' sake, does Darwinism beat us to _everywhere_ we're trying to go?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[You'd think just one moment of stupidity would be enough for Ya. But, then you'd be wrong.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Deep in the catacombs underneath the city of Omashu, Aang and his friends looked out upon the Earth Kingdom Resistance forces. "So, is King Bumi with you guys?" All eyes turned towards the boy. "Is he leading the Resistance?"<p>

Ya, the leader of the Resistance, raised a clenched fist. "Of course not!" He lowered his arm. "The day of the invasion, we readied ourselves for battle. We were prepared to defend our city. To fight for our lives and for our freedom! But, before we had a chance, King Bumi…" The man lowered his eyes. "…surrendered."

Ya calmed himself and continued speaking to the air bender. "The day of the invasion, I asked King Bumi what he wanted to do. He looked me right in the eye and said, 'I'm going to do… NOTHING! Heheheheh!'

"It doesn't matter now."

Aang lowered his head as the man continued.

"Fighting the Fire Nation is the only path to freedom. And freedom… is worth dying for."

"Actually," Aang lifted his head. "…there's another path to freedom. You could leave Omashu. You're directing all your energy to fight the Fire Nation. But you're outnumbered, you _can't_ win. Now's the time to retreat so you can live to fight another day."

The Resistance leader lowered his head. "You don't understand." He looked at the boy again. "They've taken our home." He swung his fists. "And we have to fight them at any costs."

An Earth Kingdom soldier beside the leader glanced at him. "I don't know, Ya. Living to fight another day is starting to sound pretty good to me."

Another soldier beside the leader pointed his thumb at himself. "Yah, I'm with the kid."

Ya closed his eyes and sighed as mummers filled the cavern. "Fine… But there are thousands of citizens who need to leave! How are we going to get them all out?"

Sokka smirked. "Suckers!" Everyone looked at him. "You're all a bunch of suckers for following Mr. Doesn't-realize-earth-benders-who-created-a-huge-network-of-tunnels-can-make-a-few-more-tunnels-that-lead-out-of-the-city!"

Ya gritted his teeth as his face turned red. "Oh… Hehe… I forgot…"

The second soldier rolled his eyes. "Good thing the Avatar gave us a plan B."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Miles away from Omashu, under the covering of night, the Avatar and his friends, as well as the refugees they helped free, sat around various campfires, which lay strewn about the floor of a wide canyon. As some people sat and cooked food, the Water Tribe siblings watched Tom-Tom chase Momo until he spotted Sokka's machete and began chewing on it.<p>

The young warrior quickly snatched his weapon from the child. "No! Bad Fire Nation baby!"

When the little boy started to cry, Katara smacked her brother and glared at him.

Sokka blinked twice at his sister. "The $%^ did you do that for!"

"He just wants to play with it, Sokka!"

"Yeah! That's why I took it away! 'Cause machetes are dangerously sharp and babies plus sharp metal equals maiming or death!"

"Oh…" The water bender shrunk back. "Yeah, I forgot. Sorry 'bout that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the throne room of Omashu, Azula sat in a golden chair, flanked by two guards and beneath the Fire Nation emblem, as Mai's mother and father kneeled before her.<p>

"I apologize. You've come to Omashu at a difficult time. At noon, We're making a trade with the Resistance to get Tom-Tom back."

The Fire Nation princess huffed. "Ok, I'm going to ignore that you couldn't recognize the name of a fake disease when you heard it. I'm going to let the fact that you had no doctor on-call to verify the disease. I'm even going to let the fact that you obviously lost complete track of the citizens after they left the city."

The fire bender crossed her legs and folded her hands. "Here's where I'm calling you out: You are the invading force's leader in a city that lost none of its military during the invasion, your wife, daughter, and son were almost killed last night when they went for an evening stroll, but yet, somehow, for some reason, the very next day, you _didn't_ have any guards watching your son at all times.

"So, my question is: Why?"

In the middle of Omashu, atop the construction platforms for the giant statue of Fire Lord Ozai, Katara threw a water whip at the knife wielding girl with black hair. However, her foe dodged by throwing her body back and kicking her leg out.

When Mai flicked her foot towards the water bender, she let loose an arrow from a series of barrels strapped to her ankle. The water tribe girl pulled her element back and quickly formed an ice wall to block the wooden missile. Azula's stoic friend then flung her arm out, but the Avatar's female companion turned her water whip to ice and encased Mai's arm. She gritted her teeth and swung her free hand against the ice, but the frozen water held.

From behind the dark-skinned girl, Ty Lee jumped up the levels of the construction platforms. When she grabbed hold of a wooden pole on the platform her knife-wielding friend battled on, the acrobat raised an eyebrow. "Um… Mai, what are you doing?"

Mai stuck the frozen shackling with her hand again. "What does it look like I'm doing? Attack her so I can get out of this!"

"What I meant was, why aren't you just throwing something that's in your other sleeve? Or the vest of your robe? Or another arrow from your ankle-launcher thing?"

The knife-wielder stopped moving completely and then blinked twice. "Oh yeah…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Think Mai was the only idiot in that scene? Let's look at it again!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>In the middle of Omashu, atop the construction platforms for the giant statue of Fire Lord Ozai, Katara threw a water whip at the knife wielding girl with black hair. However, her foe dodged by throwing her body back and kicking her leg out.<p>

When Mai flicked her foot towards the water bender, she let loose an arrow from a series of barrels strapped to her ankle. The water tribe girl pulled her element back and quickly formed an ice wall to block the wooden missile. Azula's stoic friend then flung her arm out, but the Avatar's female companion turned her water whip to ice and encased Mai's arm. She gritted her teeth and swung her free hand against the ice, but the frozen water held.

From behind the dark-skinned girl, Ty Lee jumped up the levels of the construction platforms. When she grabbed hold of a wooden pole on the platform her knife-wielding friend battled on, the acrobat leapt forward and struck the dark-skinned girl in several spots on her arms and shoulders.

Mai watched the ice immediately melt and fall to the ground as the water bender flinched. When her aura-sensing friend then flipped and landed beside her, the stoic girl raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you just completely disable her body? Or just kick her in the head?"

Ty Lee blinked twice. "I don't know…"

As Aang slid down a mailing ramp, riding on Bumi's metal confinement, his eyes widened as he stared at his century-old friend. "You could earth bend? All along?"

The old king smiled. "Well, they didn't cover my face." Bumi then braced his body and tilted his chin upward, creating a small mound at the bottom of the mail chute. When the steel constraint reached the lump of earth, it slid up and twirled as the Avatar leapt off.

When the nomad landed, he slumped his shoulders and stared up at his friend. "I don't understand." He then glared at the earth bender. "Why didn't you free yourself? Why did you surrender when Omashu was invaded?" He whipped his arm out. "What's the matter with you, Bumi?"

Bumi looked down from the hole in the steel coffin. "Listen to me, Aang. There are options in fighting called 'jin' It's a choice of how you direct your energy."

The Avatar glared at the king. "What are you talking about? When has anyone in this world ever talked about choices in battle like that?"

"Well, see, it's because-."

"I mean, it sounds like you're throwing around some fancy-pantsy words that come from some far away land to make yourself sound like you know something when you really don't!"

"If you'll just listen to me for a moment, I-."

"Nobody talks like that! Nobody has ever talked like that or used that terminology! Stop pretending to sound wise and deep and just tell me what's wrong with you!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Three scenes that could've gone more ways? Well, let's see another way that scene should have gone.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As Aang slid down a mailing ramp, riding on Bumi's metal confinement, his eyes widened as he stared at his century-old friend. "You could earth bend? All along?"<p>

The old king smiled. "Well, they didn't cover my face." Bumi then braced his body and tilted his chin upward, creating a small mound at the bottom of the mail chute. When the steel constraint reached the lump of earth, it slid up and twirled as the Avatar leapt off.

When the nomad landed, he slumped his shoulders and stared up at his friend. "I don't understand." He then glared at the earth bender. "Why didn't you free yourself? Why did you surrender when Omashu was invaded?" He whipped his arm out. "What's the matter with you, Bumi?"

Bumi looked down from the hole in the steel coffin. "Listen to me, Aang. There are options in fighting called 'jin' It's a choice of how you direct your energy."

The Avatar glared at the king. "I know!" He held up his fingers. "There's positive jin when you're attacking and negative jin when you're retreating!"

The earth bender grinned. "And, neutral jin, when you do… Nothing!"

Aang's eyes widened as he raised a third finger. "There're _three_ jins?"

Bumi glanced to the side. "Well, technically, there are 85, but let's just focus on the third. Neutral jin is the key to earth bending. It involves listening and waiting for the right moment to strike."

The last air nomad began to snarl. He tightened his hand into a fist as he jumped at his friend and delivered a hard punch to his face. "You wanna know the right moment to strike?" He glared up at the startled old man. "It's when you have the $%^-ing high ground on a steep cliff! Massive fortification! A commander who's supposed to be an unpredictable genius! The power to control the steep hill your enemy is climbing up! And, most importantly, hundreds of thousands of GIANT ROCKS TO THROW! _That_ is the right moment to strike!"

Aang glared and pointed at the captured king. "There's nothing deep or wise or thinking-twenty-steps-ahead about what you did! It was just plain stupid!"

The old earth bender bit his lip and gulped. "Hmmm… Now that you mention it, it does seem like that would've been a good opportunity to fight back. What with practically everything being in our favor and all."

The Avatar growled stomped on the rocky earth. "Spirits! I'm beginning to think that the Fire Nation is _right_ about everyone being dumber than they are!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Holy monkey-feathers, three double-headers in one day! Kinda tells you something, doesn't it? Like how 'mad genius' can sometimes just be 'plain stupid' or that Azula's henchmen weren't the best choices right from the start. Ugh… Why are the powerful ones always so dumb?**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 4**

**The Swamp**


	24. Book 2: Chapter 4

_I got a riddle for everyone, what do you get when you cross a sociopathic tree, an idiot bison, and a trio of kids who are more trusting of strangers than a child who's promised candy?_

_Answer: The Swamp_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 4**

In a small farming town, deep within the boundaries of the Earth Kingdom, Zuko, dressed in dark green robes, sat against an ostrich horse as his uncle held out his hat towards a young woman in robes of a variety of light colors.

"Spare change for a hungry old man." Iroh wore a saddened, depressed expression.

The woman smiled and reached into her sleeve. "Awww…" She pulled out a coin. "Here you go."

When the woman dropped the coin into the hat, the retired general's face lit up. "The coin is appreciated." He then smirked. "But not as much as your smile!"

Zuko pressed his palm against his forehead as the woman giggled and then walked off.

A second later, a man with twin dao swords strapped to his back walked up to the scarred teen and old man. "How about some entertainment in exchange for…" He whipped a coin out. "…a _gold_ piece."

Zuko scowled. "We're not performers."

The Dragon of the West grinned. "Not professional, anyway." He put his hat down as he stood up. Then, he began to sing.

"_It's a long, long way to Ba Sing Se! But the girls in the city, they look so PRETTY!_"

The man with the swords groaned. "Come on… We're talking about a gold piece here." He drew his blades. "Let's see some action!"

Zuko narrowed his eyes and the man pointed one of the steel weapons at Iroh.

"Dance!" The man swiped the blade just in front of the old man's feet.

As his uncle sang and dodged sword swing after sword swing, the prince of the Fire Nation bared his teeth and narrowed his eyes. "No one…! Is _stopping_ this?"

Iroh continued to sing as several citizens of the town just looked on or past by.

"Seriously! Call the city guard! Yell at the guy with the swords! Do something! He's freakin' attacking an old man, how can you people do nothing?"

The man continued to swing his blades.

"How can you people call yourselves halfway decent human beings when you're letting this go on?" Zuko watched the townsfolk continue to do nothing. "By the spirits!"

The man with the dao swords ceased his swinging and laughed. "Nothing like a fat man dancing for his dinner! Here ya' go." He chucked the gold coin on the ground as the other towns people simply continued to go about their business.

Ozai's son dropped his jaw as Iroh picked up the coin. "No one's even going to grumble at him or give him a dirty look? You're all going to let him go scot-free?"

The Dragon of the West sat back down beside his nephew. "Such a kind man."

Azula's brother scowled. "I swear, if anyone ever asks me to betray the Fire Nation for the sake of these people, I'm gonna remember this moment."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>While he and his friends rode atop his ten-ton beast, Aang glanced down at the giant swamp beneath them. "Bumi said to learn earth bending, I'd have to wait and listen. Now, I'm actually <em>hearing<em> the Earth! Do you want me to ignore it?"

Sokka, his sister, and the lemur looked over the edge of Appa's saddle. "Yes!"

Katara stared down into the murky land below. "I don't know… There's something ominous about that place."

Hakoda's son watched the lemur duck and chirp as the bison groaned. "See? Even Appa and Momo don't like it here."

Aang sighed. "Ok, since everyone feels so strongly about this, bye swamp!" He whipped the reins on his flying bison. "Yip yip!"

As Appa flew off, Sokka heard a loud rumble and slowly turned around. His eyes bulged when he saw a tornado speeding towards them. "You better throw in an extra 'yip'!" The others turned around. "WE GOTTA MOVE!"

The bison flew faster, turning and weaving as quickly as possible as the Avatar steered. But the cyclone cut through the swampy terrain and followed them with every move the flying creature made. Sokka screamed as the wind pulled him off the saddle and his sister desperately held onto his wrist.

As her bald friend hastily made a ball of air to protect them, Katara braced her body. "I know this may be the wrong time to think about it! But I feel bad for all the animals that are being killed by this tornado!"

Aang looked at her and shouted as the winds battered away his shield. "What do you mean?"

"Well, this cyclone is very clearly destroying the swamp below us! And when one thinks about all the insects, fish, birds, and reptiles that live in any half-acre of swampland, it's obvious this thing is killing and injuring countless innocent creatures!"

Sokka gritted his teeth as the tunnel of wind destroyed the monk's barrier. "Now's not the time!"

"I know, I was just saying!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the ten-ton bison sped through the swamp floor, being chased by the swamp's water benders, Momo grabbed various articles of clothing and items off the saddle and threw them at the men chasing them. As he did, he let out a long series of squawks, squeaks, and chirps at Appa.<p>

The stockiest of the water benders looked at his tall friend. "Now what do you suppose that little rodent is trying to say to dat d'ere big fella'?"

The tall bender let out a 'Hmmm' as he continued propelling their boat. "Well, this is just a hunch, but I th'nk that there lemu is telling that there sky bison that he weighs somewhere in the vicinity of twenty-thousand pounds and should just turn all right around and attack us. Also, said big fella' has the capabilities to produce big ol' air blasts with his fat and floppy tail and should be using that as well."

The fat one shook his head. "Clearly, you are mistaken as any creature who weighed so much, was still so fast, and also had wind-making powers would easily fight back and defeat us."

"I s'pose you're right."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara franticly created blades of water and sent them at the monstrous cluster of plants.<p>

As his sister's attack chopped away at the attacking creature, Sokka spotted a person within it, moving his arms and legs to replace lost pieces of the body. "There's someone in there! He's bending the vines!"

Sokka's sister wound up a blade of water and swung it with all her weight. The liquid cut through the wooden mask and most of the top of the vine cluster. However, long plants immediately shot out of the murky ground and dragged her into the air.

At that moment, Aang leapt forward and blasted the bender with a quick force of wind. When the vines flew away, revealing an old man with a grass loin cloth and bowl-cut hair. "Why did you call me here if you just wanted to kill us?"

The old man held out his arms as his plants dropped. "Wait! I didn't call you here."

The Avatar and his warrior friend looked at each other before the boy glanced back at the old man. "We were flying over and I heard something calling to me; telling me to land."

Sokka held his machete tightly. "He's the avatar. Stuff like that happens to us _a lot_."

The old man gasped. "The Avatar?" He gestured towards an enormous tree. "Come with me!"

All three youths blinked twice as Aang scoffed. "Uh… How 'bout _no_!"

The old man raised an eyebrow. "What? But why? I'm just a strange, half-naked man living in the middle of a dangerous swamp, who only moments ago tried to kill you without any provocation and now that you've disarmed me and clearly have the upper hand, I want you to… Oh, _that's_ why."

The three kids nodded their heads.

* * *

><p><strong>[[You know how sometimes I warn you folks about things that are going to ruin an episode for you? Well, this last scene's going to do that in spades.<strong>

**It's time to warp that Aesop.]]**

* * *

><p>As Aang and his friends sat around a campfire with the swamp's benders, eating bugs and fish, the young Avatar patted Momo's head as he listened to Sokka.<p>

"Well, no accounting for weather. Still, there's _absolutely_ nothing mysterious about the swamp."

"Yes there is, Sokka, and it's helped me learn an important lesson today."

The water tribe warrior rolled his eyes. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Kidnapping is ok as long you think it's for a good reason. And if you fight against your kidnapper, you're a jerk."

Everyone around the nomad shot their eyes wide open. "_What_?"

"Think about it: The swamp was luring me in, which I'll let slide 'cause that may be the only way the swamp can talk to mortal beings, but we very clearly chose not to go towards it. We did no harm to it or anything that warranted an attack, yet it assaulted us with the tornado. Then it went through great lengths to keep us in the swamp until _it_ was ready to let us go free. Plus, with how condescending everyone was being towards Sokka for cutting and slashing at the vines, it's obvious we saw his actions as being very, very wrong. Now, I don't know how significant those visions we saw were or who that girl in mine was. However, the moral is very clear: If you have something you need to do or say, kidnapping is an acceptable means to that end and not cooperating with your kidnapper makes you a bad person."

Hue blinked twice. "B… but it's nothing like that. The tree… It's sacred!"

"Oh…" Aang rubbed his chin. "Then, I guess the moral of this tale is: If you have something you need to do or say _and_ you're a religious figure or high-ranked priest of some kind, _then_ kidnapping is an acceptable means to that end and if you don't cooperate with them, you're a bad person."

Hue waved his arms. "N… no! It… it's not what… But the tree… Enlightenment… and… and…"

Katara shook her head. "No, Aang's right. But, if you want to get really technical, since we don't know the story behind Hue's enlightenment, then the moral is: If you have something you need to do or say _to children_ and you're a religious figure or high-ranking priest of some kind, then kidnapping is an acceptable means to that end and if the child doesn't cooperate, that child is being bad."

The swamp bender groaned as he looked down at his food. "Suddenly, I don't feel so good."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender does not condone kidnapping. It is wrong and you should never do it. If you find yourself being kidnapped, it is a good thing to fight against your kidnappers, just be careful when doing so.**

**Talk about your double-standards. Zuko's an %##-hole for trying to capture Aang, but the swamp gets everyone's praise because it's 'mysterious' and 'supernatural.' Last time I checked, the Gaang knew jack about Zuko's life and bending's supernatural.**

**In all honesty, that last scene has made this one of my favorite chapters in this satire. Something about the good guys telling kids to let religious figures kidnap them, do whatever they want to them, and not fight back against them makes me laugh.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 5**

**Avatar Day**


	25. Book 2: Chapter 5

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Filler!_

_Filler who?_

_Avatar Day!_

_I don't get it._

_Just read the chapter._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 5**

Laying across one of the front legs of his sky bison, Aang snored as his friends started the day. Just then, a rumbling startled him from sleep. Turning his head, he saw four men in red and black armor riding atop war rhinos as they burst into the clearing. He watched Katara gasp and spring up from her sleeping bag as the men began circling them.

From above the campsite on a small ledge, a fifth man on a rhino glared down at the Avatar and his companions as his fellow soldiers circled the children. "Give up! You're completely surrounded!"

Aang blinked twice. He then looked at the four men circling him and his friends as they rode beasts not even a third the size of Appa. "You're joking, right? I mean, seriously, there're five of you. That's like, a midnight snack for us."

The lead rhino rider glared down at the boy. "That's what you think! We are the elite Rough Rhinos!"

"So, you're saying that the thing that makes you better than Admiral Zhao, Prince Zuko, and the hoards and hoards of soldiers they had? I mean, do you think your advantage is the creatures you're riding, which are much smaller than _our_ giant creature, who, by the way, can create air blasts with his tail. Is that right?"

"Well… uh…" The leader gritted his teeth but then snapped his fingers and grinned. "Well, we have you surrounded."

The Avatar rolled his eyes. "A bunch of puppy-bunnies can surround us too. Trust me, it'll make just as much of a difference." The tattooed youth jumped off his sky bison's leg. "But, I'll tell you what, since I'm such a nice guy, I'll let you go, just this once."

Katara stepped beside the bald boy and crossed her arms. "You should take it. Because I bet we could whoop your %##-es easily and without any fear or hesitation if we actually do decide to fight against you."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In a town in the Earth Kingdom, Zuko, wearing his Blue Spirit disguise stalked a man and a woman as they carried goods and produce through the town market. When the couple turned a corner, lined by small, empty shops with baskets of goods in front of them, the masked-teen jumped in front of them and drew his swords.<p>

Immediately, the teen cut the wooden bar over the man's back and caused the baskets to drop to the ground. As he picked the crates up and the man cowered, his swords stayed drawn. The scarred boy then dashed forward and swiped the large fruit off the woman's head before hurrying away.

Mere second's later, as the banished prince jumped from rooftop to rooftop, he thought to himself, _I'm sure glad no one was in those shops nearby to witness what I just did. Especially since they had baskets of food just lying around. Speaking of which, why didn't I just take those?_

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Aang stood with his head and hands in a wooden stockade and inside a stone jail, he glanced at his comrades who stood on the other side of the bars. "Is anyone else aware how ridiculous this picture is?"<p>

Katara groaned. "You mean how you're letting yourself be punished for a crime you didn't commit?"

"No, I mean that we're in the Earth Kingdom and this jail is made out of stone! Half the population of this country can bust out without effort and then proceed to bust out the other half!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[I'm not letting this scene get off <em>that<em> easy]]**

* * *

><p>As Aang stood with his head and hands in a wooden stockade and inside a stone jail, he glanced at his comrades who stood on the other side of the bars. "How was I supposed to know they wouldn't take Water Tribe money?"<p>

Sokka stepped in front of the cell bars. "So some people don't like you, _big deal_! There's a whole nation of fire benders who hate you." He narrowed his eyes and gestured with his hand. "Now let's get you bust you outta here."

The nomad lowered his eyes. "I can't."

"Sure ya' can." The boy then made a bunch of chopping motions. "A little: _Whoo… Swish swish swish… Air bending slice_!" He then smiled. "And we're on our way."

Katara narrowed her eyes on her brother and then sighed. "I think what 'Master Swish' is trying to say is: Do you remember Koh?"

"Koh?" The Avatar's eyes shot open. "How could I forget?"

"And remember how you told us that he isn't baring a grudge against you for a previous avatar trying to kill it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if a giant spirit centipede that's pure evil and steals people's faces just for the fun of it isn't holding you responsible for a past life, no one else has room to talk."

Aang blinked twice. "Wow… _Koh_ is less of an anal-retentive prick than these people…" The bald boy shook his head as he slipped out of the stockade. "I didn't even think about that. You guys are right, let's go."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep within a forest in the Earth Kingdom, a bald nobleman in green robes counted the gold coins in a small chest as he rode in his carriage. Suddenly, the stagecoach jerked to a halt and the sounds of fighting raged outside the cart's doors. The rich man quickly locked his chest and cringed, sweating as the noises raged on. Then, as quickly as the noises began, they faded.<p>

A quick sigh escaped the nobleman's lips just moments before two swords sliced into the carriage roof and a fist punched through the wood. He looked up and saw a young man wearing the mask of a blue demon and wielding twin dao swords. Immediately, he cowered into a ball and held out his case of gold.

Behind his mask, Zuko raised an eyebrow as he swiped the case and ran off.

As the scarred prince dashed through the woods, he looked down at the chest and shook his head. "I certainly was not expecting him to give up his gold so easily. I mean, even Zhao, probably the one person in the Fire Nation that I have the _least_ amount of respect for, wouldn't have given up so easily. At the bare minimum, Zhao would've glared at me angrily while plotting revenge or something."

Azula's brother let out a sigh. "I swear, if anyone asks me to betray the Fire Nation for these people, I'm gonna remember this moment."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Oyagi, the leader of Kyoshi Island, gestured Sokka and Katara towards a large tapestry on the wall of shrine dedicated to his home's namesake. It displayed the most recent Earth Kingdom avatar standing on a beach with her fellow citizens and a hut while the sun lay close to the horizon. "This piece is called: <span>Birth of Kyoshi<span>. It was painted at sunrise on the day this island was founded. Why, it was today, in fact, 370 years ago."

Sokka turned and spat water out of his mouth. "Three hundred and seventy years?" He grabbed the old man's robe. "Wait, are you sure it was _today_?"

The village leader gripped the boy's arm. "Seeing as it's Kyoshi Day,…" He shoved the teen and brushed off his attire. "… yes! I'm sure."

Hakoda's son looked at the painting closely and smiled. "This ceremony didn't take place at sunrise, it took place at sun_set_. Look at the shadows."

Katara approached the tapestry. "The shadows are pointing East, so the sun must have been in the West."

Oyagi waved his hand. "So what."

The water bender turned towards the old man and smiled, but Sokka quickly shoved her aside.

"So… Either your entire village is full of morons for not figuring out in almost four centuries that it's _not_ at sunrise or you're the only moron for not realizing it."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Fireworks exploded in the night sky as Mayor Tong spoke in front of a large crowd. "From now on, we will celebrate a <em>new<em> Avatar Day!" He gestured to the children and lemur behind him. "In honor of the day Avatar Aang saved us from the Rough Rhino invasion!"

As his bald friend smiled and his sister smirked while rolling her eyes, Sokka looked down at the contents bowls they all held. "What is this?"

"That's our new festival food: Un-fried dough. May we eat it and be reminded of how, on this day, the Avatar was _not_ boiled in oil!" The crowd cheered loudly as the mayor gestured towards the town's heroes.

Katara picked an uncooked doughy Aang out of her bowl. "Well,… we just ensured they'd all get salmonella poisoning. Happy Avatar Day."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Man, the Rough Rhinos could've been such cool villains. They deserved more screen time.**

**Anywho, if you thought this episode was Katara-points-out-the-obvious-heavy, you're right. I realized I hadn't given her as many lines in past episodes as Aang or Sokka, so I decided that she'd get to take front and center today. I hope to keep things more well-rounded in future chapters.**

**The good news is, we are only one week away from meeting the greatest fighter in the Earth Kingdom! The only master of rocks who could go toe to toe with the mighty Avatar and put him in his place with the strictest training he's ever had! You guessed it! I'm talking about:**

**The Boulder!**

_**Toph: I WILL KILL YOU!**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2: Chapter 6**

**The Blind Bandit**


	26. Book 2: Chapter 6

_Guess what time it is? It's time to meet the greatest earth bender in the world! It's time to find ourselves face to face with the champion of rocks! The lord of stone! The deity of dirt!_

_FIRE NATION MAN!_

_Toph: Oh, $%^ you! _

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 6**

Outside of Master Yu's school, Katara hurried towards brother, Aang, and Momo with a wide smile on her face. "You ready to find an earth bending teacher? 'Cause we're going to Earth Rumble 6!"

The Avatar stared at his water bending teacher. "How'd you get them to tell you?"

The Water Tribe girl simpered and shrugged. "Oh, a girl has her ways."

Several yards away from Katara and her companions, two young male earth benders shivered as cones of ice kept them locked, head to head and against opposite walls of an alley.

As one of the boys chattered his teeth, he glanced at his friend. "You… know… it's a… good… thing… no… impressionable… young people… are watching… this."

The second boy tried to contain his trembles. "Wh… why's th… that?"

"Because… it… would be… t… teaching them to get… information… by means of… physical torture… if someone chooses… n… not to tell you… something."

"I s… suppose… it would."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In a black and gold uniform, Aang led his friends into a green stone arena. When they approached stone steps in the first row, the bald boy smiled. "Hey, front row seats." He sat down. "I wonder why no one else is sitting here." As soon as his friends plopped down, a huge boulder smashed into the seats beside them.<p>

Sokka stared at the giant rock. "Guess that's why."

Katara glanced at the boys. "So, should we move so we don't get crushed by stray giant rocks?"

The nomad and warrior looked at each other and then at her. "Nah!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep within the empty Earth Rumble cavern, The Boulder stood beside Xin Fu as sunlight bathed the outside of the cave. "I'm telling you, The Boulder was standing right there! I saw the kid strike, but there was no earth bending! Nothing made contact! The Blind Bandit just fell out of the ring!" The muscular man clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes. "She must've took a dive and split the money with the kid!"<p>

The host of the wrestling matches raised an eyebrow at the large bender. "And you're telling me this… _now_?"

The Boulder blinked twice. "Well, yeah. I figured you'd want to know."

"I do want to know, but why are you waiting until now, which is about 12 hours after it happened. Why didn't you say anything right afterwards?"

The large man crossed his arms. "The same reason you didn't say anything when you had a bird's-eye view of the battle! The Boulder means, if I could spot it all the way over here, why couldn't you see that it wasn't earth bending from your ring-side seat? What's wrong with you, huh?"

Xin Fu gritted his teeth. "Touché."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside a guest room of the Bei Fong estate, Aang petted Appa as the large beast sat outside the window as the boy's friends and lemur lounged about the room. "Goodnight, buddy."<p>

Just then, he heard footsteps enter the doorway and turned around to see Toph in a beige nightgown. Immediately, the Avatar, tensed into an awkward battle stance as the girl simply stood in the doorframe.

"Relax." The blind girl crossed her arms. "Look, I'm sorry about dinner. Let's call a truce, ok?"

The nomad relaxed his stance.

A few moments later, Toph casually balanced on a bridge railing as she and the avatar walked through her family's courtyard. "Even though I'm clearly a hard-head, anti-social child who keeps everything personal to herself and you're the guy who's caused nothing but problems for me ever since he showed up, I'm going to fill you in the details of my physical handicap, how I've overcome it, and my emotional turmoil."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Lord Bei Fong entered the underground arena, followed by Master Yu and the two Water Tribe siblings. When they entered the ring was then he saw his daughter and the Avatar held in steel cases. "Toph!"<p>

Sokka raised a green bag. "Here's your money!" He dropped the pouch on the ground. "Now let'em go!"

Master Yu used his bending to slide the sac across the ring and towards Xin Fu. When the wrestling host counted the gold, he waved his arm and Toph's cage lowered to the ground.

With the metal trap still a foot in the air, The Boulder watched the bottom open up and drop the blind girl to the floor. As the young earth bender scurried towards her parents, the large man glanced at his boss. "The Boulder questions whether this _really_ is a good idea. We do know she can kick The Boulder's butt rather easily and, by de facto, kick all the butts which The Boulder easily kicked. Shouldn't we, you know, hold something over her head? Threaten her family? Do something to stop her imminent revenge for the kidnapping?"

Xin Fu shook his head. "Nah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara and her brother lowered into battle stances as half-a-dozen earth benders burrowed, stomped, and swung their way into the stone ring. The siblings froze and dropped their stances as their bald friend called out from his cage.<p>

"Go! I'll be ok!"

Quickly, the water bender and her sibling went to the cave's entrance where Toph's father walked her out beside Master Yu. "Toph! There's too many of them! We need an earth bender! We need _you_!"

Lord Bei Fong stopped and glared at the girl. "My daughter is blind!" He glanced down at his child. "She is blind… and tiny… and helpless and fragile! She cannot help you!"

The blind girl scowled and jerked her hand out of his. "_Yes_! I can."

Lord Bei Fong watched as his daughter walked back towards the arena. "Oh, ok. Well, I guess instead of stopping you, I'm going to completely take your word for it and neither insist that Master Yu step in for you, grab you and keep you from what I believe is committing suicide, nor just tell you to stop. Instead, Master Yu and I will sit in the bleachers and watch. Good luck."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there you have it, my friends and fans, the entrance of the most devastating and powerful earth bender of all time: Master Y-!**

_**Toph: Stop it.**_

**Stop what?**

_**Toph: You know what. It's getting old.**_

**Oh, you're one to talk. 'Hey, everyone, Aang has feminine and physically meek features! Never noticed that did you?'**

_**Toph: Well, at least if I was writing this satire, I'd be able to give me more lines!**_

**What are you talking about? I gave you plenty of lines.**

_**Toph: You gave me one gag line.**_

**And everything you're saying right now.**

_**Toph:…**_

**[Sheepish grin]**

_**Toph: Shut up and write the damn closer.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 7**

**Zuko Alone**


	27. Book 2: Chapter 7

_Zuko Alone… *sigh* who didn't love this chapter? The flashbacks, the character growth, the fight scenes, the-_

_Toph: The fact that is was a rip off of Shane._

_Huh?_

_Toph: Yeah, didn't you know? This episode is a 'tribute' to an old western movie called Shane._

_So, let me see if I've got this straight: If Mike and Bryan want to do a 'tribute' to the WWF character, The Rock, or the movie Shane, that's ok, but-_

_Toph: Make an AMV of their work on Youtube? Total copyright violation._

…

_And people wonder why we hate Viacom._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 7**

In the middle of an arid town somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, Zuko rode his ostrich-horse down a row of dilapidated wooden buildings. He passed by one thin and sickly-looking villager after the other until he reached a small, outdoor shop. As four soldiers played a dice game across the road, he exchanged a glare with the lead soldier and then dismounted from his steed before approaching the man behind the shop's counter. "Can I get some water, a bag of feed, and something hot to eat?" The prince handed the man two coins.

"Not enough here for a hot meal." The shop owner shrugged. "I can get you two bags of feed." The man watched the stranger lower his head and then went into the back room of his store.

When the shopkeeper left, Zuko spotted two small boys on the side of store. They both snickered as one threw an egg at a soldier, hitting him in the head. Iroh's nephew watched the children run off as he heard the four Earth Kingdom troops grab their weapons and stand.

As egg yolk lay splattered on the top of his subordinates head, the lead soldier glared at the scarred teen. "HEY!" He and his men approached the shop as the egg soaked into his soldier's hair. "You throwing eggs at us, stranger?"

"No."

"You see who did throw it?"

Zuko turned around. "No and why does it matter, the egg's gone anyway."

The lead soldier blinked twice. "What!"

**[[Yup. Disappearing egg, watch the scene]]**

The banished prince pointed at one of the soldiers. "Just look at your friend. He doesn't have a drop of yolk on him. I know you might still be upset because the egg _was_ thrown at you, but it's gone now."

"Wow… You're right… Ok, then. Carry on, Stranger."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the late morning, Zuko mounted his ostrich-horse as Gansu, Sela, and Lee approached him. The farming family smiled at the scarred teen as the wife handed him a small package of food.<p>

"Here. This'll get you through a few meals."

As the prince reached for the small box, a galloping sound grew louder from the direction of the road. He immediately looked up and saw Gow, along with his fellow soldiers, riding armored ostrich-horses towards the barn.

Gansu stepped forward. "What do you suppose they want?"

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Trouble."

The sheep-pigs and cow-pigs oinked and cried as the Earth Kingdom troops came closer. By the time they stopped, Gansu stood in front of his family and their visitor.

"What do you want, Gow?"

The lead soldier grinned as he narrowed his eyes on the farmer. "Just thought someone ought to tell you, your son's battalion got captured." As he watched Gansu's eyes widen and his family cringe, he jokingly spoke to his subordinates. "You guys here what the Fire Nation _did_ with their last group of Earth Kingdom prisoners?"

One of the men smiled in a sly way. "Dressed 'em up in Fire Nation uniforms and put them on the front line _unarmed_, way I heard it." He snorted and spat on the ground. "Then they just watched."

Gansu glared and pointed at the soldier. "You watch your mouth!"

Gow snarled and tugged on his reins. His steed trotted towards the farmer, but the scarred teen cut him off. The two exchanged fierce glares before the Earth Kingdom soldier sneered. "Why bother rooting around in the mud with these pigs?"

As the soldiers turned and galloped off, Zuko remembered the moment when his mother told him that his cousin, Lu Ten, died in the war.

The prince's mind snapped back to reality when he heard Lee ask, "What's going to happen to my brother?"

Gansu hugged his wife and then stared at her, dead in the eyes. "I'm going to the front. I'm going to find Sen Su and bring him back."

The moment he heard Sela began to cry, Zuko's eyes snapped open. "Hold on a second!"

The entire family quieted and looked at the stranger.

"I was a bit suspicious when those mentioned that they're able to get messages sent to them from whatever headquarters they answer to, but figured that it might be a military-only mailing system. But you just said you're going to the front right now. Is that correct?"

Gansu nodded. "Um… yes. Yes, I said that and I have every intention of-."

"Why didn't you do that months ago and tell someone about those guys?"

"Wh… what?"

"Those thugs! Those bullies! Those… whatever you want to call them!" The prince threw his hands into the air. "Honestly, I don't know how far away the front is, but if it's close enough that you can feasibly get to it, why didn't someone from this village go there and let an officer know that your 'village guards' were actually a bunch of extortionists?"

Gansu raised a finger. "Well, you see…" He then paused and blinked twice. "By the spirits, I don't know. What is _wrong_ with us?"

Ursa's son tsked. "Don't ask me. I just found this place."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The prince of the Fire Nation lay on the grass, reminiscing about the last day he saw his mother. His memories took him through his mock-shadow spar with his dagger and how Azula talked about their uncle's return. Then to when his mom instructed them to prepare for an audience with his grandfather. After he saw himself run to his room, he remembered how his sister talked to his mother about Fire Lord Azulon's weakened health.<p>

Immediately, the scarred teen sat up. "Wait! How do I know that happened? I wasn't in the room anymore! I would've been long gone to my bedroom by the time most of that talk happened. And there's no way Azula would've boasted about how she spoke bad about grandfather the day before he died." He rubbed his head. "Only way would've been if she ever sincerely missed mom and was talking to me about what happened the last day she was in the-."

His memories suddenly showed him when his father showed off him and Azula to Fire Lord Azulon. He remembered his sister answering the question Ozai asked and then performing a magnificent display of fire bending as their father smiled. Next, he saw himself jumping up and hurrying in front of his grandfather to put on his own display; and he saw his own father frown.

"OKAY! There is _no_ possible way that I saw father frown! I was facing Grandfather and I didn't turn around _once_! What's wrong with my memory?"

**[[Yup, Zuzu remembers things he couldn't have seen or heard.**

**[[_Toph: Maybe he can feel vibrations _[sheepish grin]_._**

**[[Sigh… Nor could he have felt them, 'cause he can't feel vibrations.]]**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Ursa's son stared down all four of the Earth Kingdom soldiers as Lee stoodtied to a post of the water tower in the town square. "Let the kid go."<p>

The lead soldier laughed. He then glared at the scarred teen. "Who do you think you are, telling us what to do?"

"It doesn't matter who I am, but I know who you are. You're not soldiers. You're bullies." He narrowed his eyes. "Freeloaders abusing your power. Mostly over women and kids. You don't want Lee in your army. You're _sick_ cowards, messing with a family that's already lost one son to the war."

Gow glared at one of his henchmen. "Are you gonna let this _stranger_ stand there and insult you like this?"

The henchman snarled and aimed his guan dao at the stranger before charging in.

Zuko grabbed the hilt of his swords as he dodged his opponent's thrust and then quickly drew his blade, slamming the hilt into the man's gut.

The soldier rocketed back from the impact and skidded several yards before getting up and running away screaming.

A second soldier tensed and gave a weak battle cry. "Though you totally, completely, and easily beat my teammate and actually managed to propel him several dozen feet back, I will attack you on my own instead of with the help of my other teammates!"

Zuko ducked under the second man's thrust, elbowed him in the jaw as he dropped his pole weapon, and then used only the palm of his hand to bring the man down.

The second soldier ran away, whimpering, as the third soldier charged. "Though you made a total fool out of both my teammates and don't look the slightest bit exhausted, I'll mimic their exact attacks on you instead of fighting beside my leader, who's an earth bender and is much better than me!"

Ozai's son swung his leg and broke the man's guan dao with a sharp kick.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>When his last subordinate scampered away, Gow pulled out both of his mallets as the scarred teen drew his twin swords. The soldier then swung his weapons into the ground, causing a rock to shoot straight up. He swung again at the stone, launching it at his foe.<p>

Zuko braced his body and sliced his swords through the rock, breaking it into small pebbles as he glared at the other bender.

The mallet-wielder slammed his hammers into the dirt once more and sent another barrage of rock at the boy.

Iroh's nephew used his blades to deflect two of the stone missiles, but the third slammed him in the gut. He staggered, then stood with swords ready.

An old man watched the swordsman then charge in. "Give 'em the left! The left!"

Next to him, an old woman grabbed his shoulder. "It's not a fist fight!"

"He's gotta left _sword_, don't he?"

As more small boulders flew at him, Zuko spun and parried two of them, but, again, the third slammed his stomach.

Gow watched the teen fall and stumbled back as he smirked and readied another strike.

The old man's eyes widened. "Look out!"

Lee gasped. "Behind you!"

The earth kingdom soldier launched boulder after boulder at his foe, who could only step back and deflect each one. Then, when his foe turned his back, Gow pounded his hammer into the earth, sending a wave of stone at the scarred teen.

When the moving stone struck, Zuko felt himself knocked off the ground and then land against the hard earth and hitting his head.

In the next moment, the prince remembered his mother waking him in the middle of the night. He felt her soft embrace and soothing words of love. Then, he heard her say, "Remember this, Zuko: No matter how much things seem to change, never forget who you are." Then, his mind watched her walk away.

Lee watched the stranger lying on the ground as Gow approached. "Get up…"

Zuko's eyes snapped open in a fierce glare as he snatched up his swords and spun to unleash a spiral of flames. The inferno through the soldier back and ignited the ground around the banished prince. Ozai's son then rose to his feet as the blaze surrounded him and the villagers looked on with wide eyes and held breaths.

The Earth Kingdom soldier jumped to his feet as his foe charged in and let loose a barrage of fire from his swords.

Zuko watched his foe call up a rock shield, but his flames easily destroyed it and blasted the man across the road.

When Azula's brother saw Gow lay half-buried under pieces of a building, he approached as smoke rose from his blades.

The soldier looked up at the teen. "Who… who are you?"

"I am… _really_ pissed off right now!"

"Wh… why?" Gow cringed.

"Because, apparently, I can infiltrate a fortress that's holding the Avatar and take out, like, 50 of its guards who are coming at me all at once with spears and fire bending while evading attacks from the other 200 of them, using ONLY my sword skills! However, I seem to not be able to beat _just you_ without resorting to my bending!"

Zuko slid his right sword over his head and balanced it on the back of an outstretched arm. "And it's not like you're some super-elite earth bender that King Bumi would turn to for advice! You're some random soldier in a run-down town in the middle of nowhere!"

The scarred teen sheathed his swords. "Do you understand now? Apparently, the lowest-quality of earth bending soldiers have more prowess then a whole battalion of Fire Nation troops who would be selected to guard a fortress that's holding the Avatar captive! Yet the Fire Nation is winning the war!"

Ozai's son spun his head and glared at the townspeople. "DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"

The villagers gasped and spoke in trembling voices to each other.

Iroh's nephew then turned back to his foe. "Oh, but to answer your question, my name is 'Zuko.' Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai, prince of the Fire Nation, and heir to the throne."

The old man who shouted for him during his fight pointed his finger at Zuko and glared. "Liar! I heard 'a you! You're not a prince, you're an outcast! His own father _burned_ and disowned him!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko narrowed his eyes as he rode his ostrich horse out of the small town. As all the townspeople glared at him as he walked away, holding pitchforks, stones, and other sharp tools or blunt instruments, he spotted Lee sneering and turning away from him. Then, as his steed took him towards the setting sun, a single thought ran through the head of Azula's brother.<p>

_I swear if anyone ever asks me to betray the Fire Nation for these people, I'm gonna remember this moment._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What a wonderful tale, eh, folks? We got to see how Zuko behaved when he was all alone and stripped of his title, his support, and, for the most part, his bending. Personally, I think he did alright; everyone else in that town… I'm not so sure about. I always did wish there were an episode that highlighted this place again to see what happened to it.**

_**Toph: Maybe it got buried by a huge earthquake! Which created a giant fissure! Which a huge monster crawled out of a rampage all over their fields and smooshed them into little pancakes! Then it laughed with an evil laugh, going: Mwahahahahahaha!**_

…

**Or it just went on to be a normal town who had to live with the fact that they kicked out the person who saved them from their oppressors.**

_**Toph: Phhh… Yeah… I guess that could happen.**_

***Eye roll***

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 8**

**The Chase**


	28. Book 2: Chapter 8

_Welcome to The Chase. The episode where Zuko once again takes his shot at capturing Aang. The episode where the whole GAang stands against Azula. The episode where Iroh and Toph drink tea._

_Toph: Yeah! And the first episode where I can really cut into people! Hehe… I bet I'm gonna be smacking everyone upside the head, telling them what kind of idiots they are, keepin' everyone in line, and-_

_[Sheepish grin]_

_Toph: Why are you smiling like that?_

_[Wider sheepish grin]_

_Toph: Stop smiling!_

_[Extremely wide sheepish grin]_

_Toph: Awww! Spirits damn it!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 8**

In the middle of the night, as Toph slept in her stone tent, the Avatar and his lemur rested on the sky bison, and the Water Tribe siblings snoozed in their green tent, a rumbling sound. "There's something coming toward us!"

Aang shot up as his friends hurried out of their tents. "What is it?"

Toph put her hand on the ground. "It feels like an avalanche. But… also _not_ an avalanche."

Sokka slumped his shoulders. "Your powers of perception are frightening."

Katara stared at Toph. "Should we leave?"

The Avatar nodded. "Better safe than sorry."

Hastily, the group packed up camp and flew off on Appa. As they looked back, they saw a metal contraption creating a huge cloud of smoke behind it.

Katara tried to focus on the machine. "What is that thing?"

Sokka shook his head. "I don't know. But do you guys notice how Appa _isn't_ dropping fur everywhere even though he's supposed to be shedding?"

Aang and his water bending friend blinked twice as they looked over the edge of the saddle and the bison's head. "Wow, you're right. He is not, in fact, dropping hair anywhere."

Appa continued to fly several miles and Katara looked over the edge of her seat. "Still no shedding."

The bald monk took a deep yawn after they flew a few more miles. As he descended, he smiled at his flying pet. "Man, it sure is nice that you still aren't shedding."

**[That's the truth, folks. Appa doesn't actually shed while he flies. Not once.]**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>After his bison crashed into the ground in the middle of a forest, the young avatar slid off the giant creature's head. "Appa's exhausted."<p>

As the blind girl fell off the ten-ton beast's back and lay on the grass, Sokka, with dark circles under his eyes, and his sister grabbed their bags and trotted towards a soft spot on the ground. "Ok, we've put _a lot_ of distance between us and them. The plan right now is to follow Appa's lead and get some sleep."

Katara narrowed her eyes and stared at the earth bender. "Of course, we could have gotten some sleep earlier if _Toph_ didn't have such _issues_."

Toph shot up and ripped into the earth. "WHAT?"

Aang hurried himself towards the girls. "Alright, alright! Everyone's exhausted. Let's just get some rest."

The earth bender clenched her fists. "No! I wanna hear what Katara has to say!" She through a hand on her hip. "You think I have issues?"

The water bender rolled her eyes. "I'm just saying, maybe if you helped out earlier, we could have set up our camp faster, and gotten some sleep,…" She widened her eyes and furrowed her brow. "… and then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!"

Toph pointed at the Water Tribe girl as her brother plopped down on his bag. "You're blaming _me_ for this?"

Katara threw her sleeping bag down and raised her hands, creating gestures for the shorter girl to bring it. However, Aang slid between them.

"No! No! She's not blaming you!"

Sokka's sister threw her hands down. "No, I'm blaming her!"

Toph grabbed the bald monk by the head and tossed him aside. "Hey! I never asked you for diddly-do-dung!" She pointed at herself. "I carry my own weight!

"Besides, if there's anyone to blame, it's 'Sheddy' over here!" The blind girl pointed at the bison.

Aang stared down at Earth Kingdom girl from atop his ten-ton pet. "What? You're blaming _Appa_?"

"Yeah! You wanna know how they keep finding us?" Toph walked over to Appa, grabbed a patch of fur and easily pulled it off. "He's leaving a trail everywhere we go!" She opened her hand and let the wind easily carry the hairs away.

The bald monk glared at the earth bender, but then raised an eyebrow. "Toph… How long have you known that?"

"I figured it out a while ago!"

At that moment, Aang shifted his eyes over to Katara who stared back at him and nodded her head. He then looked over at Sokka, who also nodded his head. The tattooed youth sighed and jumped off his sky bison. "Toph, we've come to unanimous decision: You're fired."

The small girl blinked twice. "What?"

Hakoda's son stood up. "Yup."

Katara nodded. "Uh huh."

The earth bender dropped her hands. "But why?"

The Air Nomad scoffed. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you _knew_ why those Fire Nation girls were chasing us and never bothered to tell anyone. Maybe it's because we could've fixed this problem _hours_ ago, and caught up on sleep. Maybe it's because you knew those girls were gonna find us again, but didn't give anyone a heads up."

Katara crossed her arms. "But, it's all of the above. And for those reasons, you're fired."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Dropping the fur behind him, Aang reached a run-down, deserted Earth Kingdom village in the middle of a desert. He then emptied the last of the pouch that held Appa's hair and then stood in the middle of the square. "Well, now that I've led them far enough away from my friends, I could leave now, rest up, and then confront those girls another time. <em>Or<em> I could sit here and wait while being totally exhausted because this would be the _perfect_ time to confront, what I can only assume, to be all three of them at once."

The bald boy nodded and plopped down in the middle of the square. "I'll sit here and wait."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang jumped up the stairs of a dilapidated building as Azula shot blue flames at him. When she darted up after him, the bald monk darted through a doorway and into a floorless room. He immediately created a ball of air and sat on it in the middle of the empty space.<p>

When the princess of the Fire Nation sped after the Avatar, she screeched to a halt in the doorframe and saw the air bender hovering and waving at her. However, before she lost her balance, she nimbly jumped to a protruding plank. Ozai's daughter quickly performed a split and then stood up straight to catch herself against the wall.

In the next second, Zuko charged straight through the empty doorway and fell right off the ledge, to the floor. As he dropped, he bared his teeth and shouted, "What the heck! I had much better reflexes as the Blue Spirit!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Azula threw a wave of blue fire at the Avatar and his Water Tribe friends as they closed in on her. Her three foes ducked under the blaze as she backed away. Ursa's daughter kept a calm poise until she felt the ground move under her feet. Hastily, the princess jumped to the side and landed in the earth with an 'Ooof!'<p>

Behind the fire bending girl, Toph stood in a battle stance and smiled. "I thought you guys could use a little help."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "Uhhh… Thanks. But why didn't you slam her with a boulder or shoot an earth spike out of the ground? Why just shift the dirt under her feet?"

The earth bender dropped her smile and blinked twice. "I… don't know." She heard her three friends groan.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Ozai's daughter found herself cornered against a brick wall as the Avatar, his friends, and her brother and uncle surrounded her. "<em>Well<em>, look at this: enemies and traitors _all_ working _together_. I'm done!" She raised her arms. "I know when I'm beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honor."

Iroh quickly glanced at Toph, then the Avatar and his Water Tribe friends. Then quickly back to Toph.

Azula saw the old bender take his eyes off her and quickly fired a stream of blue flame that struck his chest.

Zuko's eyes widened in shock as he screamed. He then shot a blast of fire at his sister while the Avatar and his friends shot the other elements at Azula, who created a shield of blue flames.

When all the attacks struck, they triggered a large explosion that threw burning shrapnel all over the deserted town, leaving the abandoned buildings ablaze.

As soon as the smoke cleared, Aang and his friends looked around, but saw no trace of the princess of the Fire Nation. The prince, however, was kneeling in front of his uncle and cringing as he buried his face in his hands and shouted.

"Five months ago, I was dodging and cutting my way past 20 spears and pikes at once! Five days ago, I was blocking and parrying barrages of stone! Five minutes ago, I was dealing with her shooting at me from _half_ the distance she was from Uncle! But five seconds ago, I couldn't move fast enough to save him!"

Ursa's son dropped his arms and spun to face the Avatar's group. "WHY AREN'T MY SKILLS CONSISTANT FROM ONE MOMENT TO THE NEXT?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ahhhh… I'm glad to have this one over and done with. It actually took me a long time to put it together, even though I knew what I was going to write. Most of the problems were just about finding free time between work, MMA training, friends, dating, and-.**

_**Toph: And the sudden urge to play Warcraft 3 again?**_

**Err… Yeah… And the sudden urge to play Warcraft 3 again. BUT! None the less, I got it this chapter done and I got it done on time.**

_**Toph: *Eyeroll* Barely, you almost missed the deadline and hardly got a chance to proofread. Honestly, your procrastination's so bad, I'd believe it if someone told me you were the reason the AtLA finale was delayed for 6 months.**_

**Well, excuse me, but it's not like I had anyone around to help proof_read_.**

_**Toph: … You're a son of a pig-dog, you know that?**_

**Better to be the son of one than look like one.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2: Chapter 9**

**Bitter Work**


	29. Book 2: Chapter 9

_Bitter Work was always one of my favorite episodes. It's one of the few times where you actually see Aang struggling to learn any of the four elements. Air was already taken care of when the show started. They didn't even bother showing him really learning water. And fire was completely ignored and just assumed he was training in it while Zuko went on his field trips._

_Not earth. At least with earth, they showed him have to put some effort into it._

_Toph: Yup. I do's my job and I do's it well. In fact, this is my favorite episode too; for a different reason, though._

_Oh? Why do you like it? Is it the jokes and banter from you and Sokka? Zuko discovering how to redirect lightening? The origin of the face-rock meme?_

_Toph: Nope. Uh uh. And no._

_Ok… Then why do you like it so much?_

_Toph: There's a scene where I take Aang's nuts and crush 'em with his own staff!_

…

…

…

_[Wide grin]_

_I'm gonna start the chapter now._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 9**

As dawn gently lit a small canyon, Aang leapt of his bison and pumped his fist into the air. "Today's the day!" He landed beside Sokka's sleeping bag. "Can you believe it? After all that time searching for a teacher, I'm finally starting earth bending!" The boy clutched his head as he smiled and his lemur ran up Appa's head. "And this place, it's perfect! Don't cha think?"

The nomad then glanced down at his friend, who remained in his sleeping bag, and dropped his smile. "Sokka?"

The Water Tribe boy glanced back at his friend and glared as he groaned.

"Oh. You're still sleeping, huh?"

Sokka groaned again. "No, that's not why I'm glaring at you. I'm glaring at you because we've been traveling with Toph for weeks now. I mean, she told us that, according to Angry Jerk's uncle, we picked her up at about the same time Zuko and the old guy split up. The fights with blue-fire girl and her friends didn't happen until two weeks after _that_. Now, just now, you are starting your earth bending training? How irresponsible _are_ you?"

The Avatar crossed his arms and glared back at his friend. "No need to get so fussy. Geez, you act like the world's gonna end if I don't do this A.S.A.P."

Katara's brother narrowed his eyes even further.

Aang blinked twice and then cringed. "Oh… yeah… That's right…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within a run-down shack, Zuko saw Iroh stir in his sleep and hurried beside him. "Uncle!" The old man slowly opened his eyes and looked at him. "You were unconscious. Azula did this to you." The prince watched the former general cringe as he sat up. "It was a surprise attack."<p>

Iroh held his wound. "Somehow, that's not so surprising."

As Ozai's son watched his uncle push himself up and sit against the wall of the small house, he picked up a cup of tea and passed it to the older bender. "I hope I made it the way you like it."

The Dragon of the West smiled as he took the cup and sipped it. In the next second, he cringed and his eyes shot open. "Mmmm..." He forced himself to swallow and then take another gulp. "Urk… That was very… ummm… bracing!"

Zuko took the cup and refilled it. "So, I've been thinking," he lowered his head to fill his own cup and vaguely heard a small splash. "it's only a matter of time before I run into Azula again. I'm going to need to know more advanced fire bending if I want to stand a chance against her.

"I know what you're going to say: she's my sister and I should be trying to get along with her."

The former general put his cup on the floor. "No…" He stared his nephew right in the eyes. "She's crazy and she needs to go down."

Zuko nodded as his uncle grunted and slowly rose to his feet.

"It's time to resume your training."

"Before we do, Uncle, there's one thing I want to make sure I have clear."

"Oh? What is that, my nephew?"

"Are you saying that, if one sibling is crazy, psychotic, and a danger to countless people, then it is _ok_ for another sibling to fight against the first sibling?"

Iroh raised an eyebrow. "Well, yes."

"And, just so I'm certain, this is irregardless of rank and social standing, correct?"

"Yes! Zuko, why are you asking me this?"

"I just want to make sure I know where you stand on the issue." The teen then stood. "Let's get started."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara stood beside Aang's newest teacher as the boy approached the two girls and the boulder he failed to move. "I don't understand what went wrong." She pointed at Aang. "He did it exactly the way you did."<p>

The Avatar beamed a smile. "Maybe there's another way." He made a few movements with his arms and walked around the rock. "What if I came at the boulder from a different angle?"

Toph grabbed the bald boy's collar. "No. That's the problem." She donked him on the head. "You've got to stop thinking like an air bender." She waved her arms about. "There's no different angle. No clever solution. No trickety-trick that's gonna move that rock!"

The blind girl shoved Aang to the ground. "You've gotta face it _head on_!"

Toph closed her hands into fists. "And when I say 'head on,' I mean like-!"

Aang held out an arm. "Hold on a sec."

The earth bender turned her blind eyes towards her student. "What is it? I'm about to show you an important lesson!"

"Well,… it's just that…."

"Spit it out, Twinkletoes!"

"Clever solutions is the lesson Bumi taught me."

"'Bumi?'" Toph blinked twice. "_King_ Bumi?"

"Yeah. 'Trickety-tricks' and 'different angles' was what he was all about. Gyatso, my air bending teacher, never taught like that and it certainly isn't a dominant trait of mine to solve my problems with 'clever solutions.'"

"Hmmm…" Toph rubbed her chin. "I see what you mean. Yeah, I don't know why I thought air benders thought like that. I mean, obviously, if they did think like that, they would've known to get on their flying bisons and leave as armored soldiers are committing genocide of their people."

"_Ex-actly_!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! It's time, once again, for: How else this scene should have gone.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Katara stood beside Aang's newest teacher as the boy approached the two girls and the boulder he failed to move. "I don't understand what went wrong." She pointed at Aang. "He did it exactly the way you did."<p>

The Avatar beamed a smile. "Maybe there's another way." He made a few movements with his arms and walked around the rock. "What if I came at the boulder from a different angle?"

Toph grabbed the bald boy's collar. "No. That's the problem." She donked him on the head. "You've got to stop thinking like an air bender." She waved her arms about. "There's no different angle. No clever solution. No trickety-trick that's gonna move that rock!"

The blind girl shoved Aang to the ground. "You've gotta face it _head on_!"

Toph closed her hands into fists. "And when I say 'head on,' I mean like-!"

Aang held out an arm. "Hold on a sec."

The earth bender turned her blind eyes towards her student. "What is it? I'm about to show you an important lesson!"

"Well,… it's just that…."

"Spit it out, Twinkletoes!"

"Why don't I try a smaller rock?"

Toph blinked twice. "What?"

"Yeah. A smaller rock. I mean, it's clear that bending isn't all-or-nothing and that the amount of an element a bender can use is dependent on their skill. So why not start me off with a smaller rock and see if I can move that?"

The earth bender rubbed her chin. "Well, I guess there _is_ a trickety-trick that could work."

"An obvious one, too."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun set Iroh and his nephew stood in front of each other with extended arms and moved back and forth in the way that mimicked a basic water bending exercise. "Water benders deal with the flow of energy. A water bender lets their defense become their offense. Turning their opponent's energy against them. I learned a way to do this with lightening."<p>

Zuko dropped his arms and stared at the old general. "You can teach me how to redirect lightening?"

Iroh nodded. "If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightening will-."

"You mother $%^-er!"

The Dragon of the West shot his eyes open. "Wh… what?"

"You knew how to redirect lightening this _whole time_, but didn't tell me?"

"Well… uh…"

The scarred teen tore at his hair. "By the spirits! Ok, I can understand when we still had the ship and the crew and there was no reason for me to know how to do that when I still needed to work on basics! But, for the love of Agni, the _instant_ we escaped from Azula back at that resort spa, the first words out of your mouth should've been: 'Zuko, your crazy sister can shoot lightening so I'm gonna teach you how to redirect it!'"

Ozai's son threw his hands into the air. "I mean, it's like you were holding back on what you could teach me so that I would remain dependent on you and whatever you were trying to teach me about who I should side with!"

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! He's on to me._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, this chapter went a lot smoother than the last one did. And, no, it wasn't because I didn't waste time playing video games. I really did like this chapter and that joke about redirecting lightening has been building up in me for the longest time. I think it was the… third joke I came up with for this satire.**

_**Toph: That's a sweet story and all, but this chapter was missing something very important: More lines for me! I need to dish out some insults, pronto! Every fic across the internet has me laying the verbal smack-down on the group! How 'bout gettin' with the program?**_

**I need to make sure you can handle taking a harsh blow or two before I let you dish 'em out.**

_**Toph: Oh? So what's the wait? Think I can't take it? Think that just 'cause I'm blind and little means I can't take a few lickin's?**_

**Just trust me on this. You're going to be retracting everything you just said by the time I get done with this story.**

_**Toph: Tsk! Whatever.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2: Chapter 10 & 11**

**The Library and The Desert**


	30. Book 2: Chapter 10 & 11

_Alright, everyone. Sorry for the late update. But, it's a doozy of an update. 'Cause we have a double chapter for your enjoyment, ladies and gentlemen. Today we get the oh-so-tear-wrenching story of how poor Appa gets stolen as well as the tale of bravery and courage of trudging through a harsh dessert with a burning death imminent. Truly, these are chapters worthy of great respect and dignity as they reveal a dark, near-twisted side of Aang. A side that he uses to block out the hurt of losing the last tie he has to his past._

_By the spirits, these chapters are masterpieces._

_Toph: Which means we're gonna rip'em apart maliciously, right?_

_Like a bunny-puppy in a wolverine-gorilla's den!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 10 & 11**

As Professor Zei, the Avatar, and the Water Tribe siblings climbed down a rope and into the Spirit Library, the young professor smiled. "You definitely have great skills, air bender. You must tell me how your rope-elongation skills work."

Aang raised an eyebrow as he continued to climb down. "What do you mean? I can't make ropes longer."

"Oh. Must be a Water Tribe skill, then."

Katara and her brother looked at each other. Then the water bender glanced at the professor. "We can't do that either."

Zei blinked twice. "Then how did this rope get so long? You guys were only carrying a rope long enough to get from the desert to the window in the tower. How did it suddenly extend to three times its length and manage to reach the floor down there?"

All three children looked downward, saw where the rope ended, then turned their eyes towards the rope in their hands. "How _did_ it do that?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Wan Shi Tong stared down at the boy, now revealed to be the Avatar, and the group of humans he traveled with. "Hmmm… Very well, I'll let you peruse my vast collection on one condition. To prove your worth as scholars, you have to contribute some worthwhile knowledge."<p>

Professor Zei stepped forward, holding out a large book as he knelt down. "Please accept this tomb as a donation to your library."

The giant owl smiled. "First edition. Very nice." It swept a wing over the book, causing it to disappear.

Katara then stepped forward, holding out a parchment as the anthropologist stepped back. "I have an authentic water bending scroll."

"Oooo… These illustrations are quite stylish." Once more, Wan Shi Tong swept his wing over the document in the human's hands and it vanished.

Aang let his jaw slacken. "Uh…" His eyes then widened. "Oh, I know!" He quickly dug into his tunic and pulled out a Fire Nation poster of him and presented it in front of the spirit. "Ha!"

Wan Shi Tong stared at the boy. "That's a wanted poster of you."

The Avatar nodded slowly. "Does it count?"

"No, no, it's not that. It counts, it's just that… Well, let me put it like this: I'm an all-knowing spirit and even I can't begin to guess why you are carrying around a wanted poster of yourself."

The bald monk frowned. "What's wrong with holding on to a picture of yourself?"

"Again, you're missing the point. You're carrying it _on_ _you_. Not in a bag. Not on whatever beast of burden you took to get here. _On. You._" The spirit raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Aang cringed. "Alright, you wanna know the truth?"

The owl nodded.

"Ever wonder what a bunch of random travelers use after they go 'number 2'?"

"Actually, the thought's never crossed my-. Oh…"

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Wan Shi Tong's library, Sokka walked past several shelves and to a pedestal where a burnt piece of parchment lay under glass. "'The Darkest Day in Fire Nation History'." The teen rubbed his chin. "It's got a date at the top, but it doesn't say anything else."<p>

Katara's brother took out a long blade and pried off the glass covering. Once it came loose, he snatched the paper and rolled it up before taking off.

At that moment, Aang, his water bending teacher, Momo and the anthropology professor stepped out from between two rows of books. "Sokka, where are you going?"

Sokka held out the rolled-up remains of a scroll. "I wanna know what happened to the Fire Nation on their darkest day. This could be promising." He then hurried off again.

As Hakoda's son led his companions through the large store house of books, he turned a corner with a hallway lined by statues of dragons and marked by a giant red banner. "Information on the Fire Nation should be right up here."

Aang raised an eyebrow. "So why weren't we here in the first place?"

Sokka screeched to a halt. "What?"

"If you knew how to find info on the Fire Nation, why were we perusing everything else? Why didn't you insist we come here?"

The boy rubbed his head. "By the Spirits, why _didn't_ I?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Who's ready for Katara's Crowning Moment of Awesome?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Inside the planetarium of the Spirit Library, Wan Shi Tong glared down at the four human's and their lemur. "You betrayed my trust! From the beginning, you intended to misuse this knowledge for evil purposes!"<p>

Sokka stared up at the large owl. "You don't understand!" He raised his fist. "If anyone's evil, it's the Fire Nation!" The boy relaxed his hand. "You saw what they did to your library, they're destructive and dangerous!" He closed his fist once more. "We _need_ this information!"

The enormous spirit stood fast. "You think you are the first person to believe that their war was justified? Countless others before you have come here! Seeking weapons or weaknesses or battle strategies!"

Aang cringed. "We had no choice!" He lowered his head. "Please! We're just desperate to protect the people we love!"

Wan Shi Tong stared back at the bald boy. "And now, I'm going to protect what _I_ love." The great owl began flapping its wings and caused the entire structure to shake.

At that moment, Katara stepped forward. "Alright! That's it! I've had enough of this!"

The owl froze and blinked twice before narrowing its eyes. "You… _Dare_ speak before me in such a way?"

Sokka tensed as his sister glared back at the spirit with a hand on her hips. "Katara… ixnay on the sultinginay of the iritspay…"

The water bender pushed her palm into her brother's face. "Quiet, Sokka. Mommy's handling this."

Katara then glared at the spirit. "I've let the boys do their pleading. But now, it's time for a woman to put you in your place you piece of #`*&!"

Wan Shi Tong extended his body, neck, and talons. "I will not be talked down to by a mort-!"

"Oh, you bet your %## you will! I don't see any pens or papers or OPPOSABLE THUMBS with your name on them around here! What I do see is books and scrolls and tombs written by _people_! What I also don't see is any little pouches of gold coins hanging from your servant foxes' necks! I also never heard of authors, scholars, and librarians saying what an honor it is for your foxes to select one of _their_ works for this dump!" Hakoda's daughter narrowed her eyes. "Which leaves us with just one conclusion."

The owl gasped. "Are you suggesting I'm nothing but a _thief_?"

"DING DING DING! Someone get Feather-Brain here a sandwich, 'cause he won the game!"

Katara then marched right up to the enormous spirit and jammed a finger into its body. "A thief. A crook. A robber. A bandit. A whatever-in-that-list-of-10,000-things-you-know-that-you-want-to-call-it! You've been stealing books and tombs and scrolls to fill these shelves and your ego! Every last piece of ill-gotten gained literature here was made by humans, _for humans_, until you stole it from them! Which means you have absolutlely NO RIGHT to tell us what to do with what we learn!"

The water bender thrust her hand forward and pointed at the door to the planetarium. "Now, you are going to go back to your perch. You're going to shut the $%^ up. And you are going to let the _people_ who this stuff was made for use it as they see fit.

"And I swear on my mother's grave, if I see one little feather of your thieving hide before my friends and I leave, I will slice you into so many little pieces, even my brother won't be able to eat them all before they go bad! But believe me, he'll try; and I'll help."

Wan Shi Tong frozen for only a moment before spinning around and speeding out of the room.

"Yeah, that's right… Damn crook." The Water Tribe girl then spun around and glared at the boys, who all looked at her with completely blank expressions. "WELL? Get cracking on when the next eclipse will be!"

"Right!"

"Uh huh!"

"Sure!"

The three fumbled around with the dial and the machine's lever.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the library sank and Toph strained her body to hold the structure above the sands, the sound of sand benders surrounding the flying bison reached her ear. When she heard the desert warriors spinning objects and throwing them at Appa, a loud snarl left her throat. "Geez, Appa! You're a giant bison! Just do a flying dash into these people or make a giant air blast with your tail!"<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang, his friends, and his lemur all stared out into the vast desert as the young monks hands clenched into tight fists. He spun around and glared at his earth bending teacher. "How could you let them take Appa? Why didn't you stop them?"<p>

Katara took a deep breath. "Aang, just calm down and-."

Toph threw her arms out. "I couldn't! The library was sinking! And you guys were still inside!" She lowered her hands. "And-."

Aang stormed over to the blind girl. "You could have come to get us! I could have saved him!"

Hakoda's daughter sighed. "Aang, I know you're upset, but just-."

Toph turned towards the Avatar. "I can hardly feel any vibrations out here! The sand benders snuck up on me and there wasn't time to-!"

The nomad glared at the small girl. "You just didn't care! You never liked Appa! You wanted him gone!"

Sokka's sister hurried towards her shouting friends. "Aang, stop it. You know Toph did all she could. She saved our lives. Now, if you'll just-." Her brother spoke up.

"Who's going to save our lives now?" The warrior furrowed his brow and gestured out at the desert. "We'll never make it out of here."

"It's simple Sokka, all Aang has to do is-."

The Avatar stormed away. "That's all any of you guys care about! Yourselves! You don't care whether Appa is ok or not!"

The water bender watched the monk slump down in the sand. "We're all concerned! But we can't afford to be fighting now! What we do need is for you to-."

The bald boy shot his eyes forward. "I'm going after Appa!"

Before Aang could leap into the air, Katara frantically dashed towards him. "No! Just find him with your spirit connection like last time!"

The Avatar's legs froze as he stumbled and turned his head. "My what?"

The Water Tribe girl sighed. "Don't you remember what happened last time we got separated from Appa? Back in that swamp? Just use that same 'everything's connected' trick like you did back there. You'll find him in, like, two seconds."

Aang blinked twice. "Wow! Oh, wow! I can't believe I never thought of that!"

Katara gave him a gentle smile. "It's alright. You were stressed and upset and we just exhausted ourselves trying to escape from that library."

"I know, but still…" The Avatar shook his head slowly. "To think that the thought never even crossed my mind… I mean, even if it was works-in-swamp-only, I still should have realized to try it."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>"Well, either way, you better hurry and do it. Every second we waste, you know?"<p>

"Oh, right." Aang gently pressed his hand against the sand and meditated.

As the sky darkened over the desert and Katara handed her water pouch to her blind friend, she glanced down at her drunken brother who lay in the sand. "Sokka, let me see the things you got from the library."

Hakoda's son immediately jerked back, clutching his bag of scrolls. "WHAT? I didn't steal anything! Who told you that?" The lemur scurried beside him. "It was YOU! YOU RATTED ME OUT!" He pointed at Momo, who began to cry.

The water bender merely stood over her brother. "Sokka, I was there." She reached into his pouch and pulled out a rolled up star map.

Aang watched the Water Tribe girl sit down in the sand and unroll a parchment. "It doesn't matter. None of those will tell us where Appa is."

"No… But we can find out which way Ba Sing Se is." Katara looked at the star chart. "We can use the stars to guide us. That way, we can travel during the night when it's cool and rest during the-."

Toph raised an eyebrow. "Katara?"

The water bender turned around. "What is it?"

"Is Ba Sing Se in a direction that has less desert to travel in than any other given direction?"

"Um… If I recall Professor Zae's map, no it doesn't."

"Ok… Then why are you planning on having us suddenly change directions when we've already walked, like, half-a-day?"

The Water Tribe girl blinked twice. "I don't know…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko sat across from his uncle in a crudely-made bar constructed of sand and mortar as the night sky filled with stars outside. The banished prince glanced around the tavern, filled with rag-covered people, before turning back to Iroh. "No one here is going to help us. These people just look like <em>filthy<em> wanderers."

The Dragon of the West smiled. "So do we." He then looked behind his nephew and pointed at a bald man in green and beige robes, sitting at a pai sho table. "Ahhh… _This_ is interesting. I think I've found our friend."

Ozai's son spotted the man that the older bender pointed at, then turned back around and glared at his uncle. "You brought us here to gamble on pai sho?"

Iroh stood up. "I don't think this is a gamble." He walked over to the table.

The former general vaguely heard two men in a far corner talking about grabbing a bounty. However, he continued across the tavern until he stopped at the game table. "May I have this game?"

The bald man held out his arm. "The guest has the first move." He watched the bearded stranger sit down and place a white lotus tile in the center of the playing board. "I see you favor the white lotus gambit. Not many still cling to the ancient ways." He then bowed his head.

Iroh mimicked the man's gesture. "Those who do can always find a friend."

"Then let us play."

Zuko sat and watched the two old men put down their tiles in a formation around the center. The end result appeared as a giant flower petal, perfectly resembling the image on the white lotus tile itself.

When he finished, the bald man sat up and examined the formation of the pieces. "Welcome, brother, the White Lotus opens wide to those who know her secrets."

The scarred prince furrowed his brow as he glared at the old men. "Wait a minute!" He pointed at the bald man. "This guy and you are part of some secret society, which has an outpost here in the desert? Ok, I get that. But are you telling me, that in a time of war when both the Avatar has just reappeared and Sozin's comet is approaching, you have any member who has the free time to just sit in some random bar and wait for someone to come up and ask for a game with him?"

Iroh gritted his teeth. "Well… you see…"

"I mean, this guy wasn't reading a book. Writing a letter. He wasn't even mediating! Is whatever club you're in so freakin' clueless that they have no sense of priority when a century-long, world-defining war is less than six months away from ending, one way or another?"

"The thing is… uh…"

"And why a bar? Seriously, what possible use is there to have him here? Why not in an actual flower shop, a bookstore, a school… _Someplace_ where a strategy game board won't look like it doesn't belong! Honestly, if I were to make a gamble, I'd say that this guy has done absolutely nothing in his entire time of being stationed here, except come to this bar, every single night, and just sit until in front of an empty board until the place closes!"

Zuko spun his head and stared at the bald man. "Well? Tell me I'm wrong!"

The bald man shook his head. "Nope. Kid, you are dead on and, believe me, I'm as sick of this post as you make it sound."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Avatar and his friends battled vulture-bees atop the large plateau in the middle of the desert, Toph threw a boulder that nearly hit Sokka.<p>

"What are you doing? That rock almost crushed me!"

The blind girl turned her head. "Sorry! I can't tell where they are in the air! Why are we battling them out here anyway? If we were inside one of their little tunnels in the mountain, they'd only be able to get us one at a time from each direction! Plus, Aang and I could easily demolish them! So why are we fighting here where they can come at us from any angle and surround us?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Over a dozen sand benders surrounded Toph and her friends at the base of the vulture-bees' plateau. As the sun rose over the horizon, the chieftain of the benders spoke.<p>

"What are you doing in our land with a sand bender sailor? From the looks of it, you stole it from the Hammi Tribe!"

Katara stared back at the tall man. "We found the sailor abandoned in the desert. We're traveling with the Avatar." She gestured at Aang. "Our bison was stolen and we have to get to Ba Sing Se."

A young man beside the chief stepped forward, glaring at the outlanders. "You dare accuse our people of theft when you ride in on a stolen sand sailor?"

Toph's eyes narrowed.

The chief scowled. "Quiet, Gashwin! No one accused our people of anything! _If_ what they say is true, we must give them hospitality!"

"Sorry, father."

The earth bender's eyes shot open and then narrowed once again. She kept her voice low. "I recognize the son's voice. He's the one that stole Appa."

Katara turned to the blind girl. "Are you sure?"

"I never forget a voice."

Aang marched forward and swung his staff down, pointing it at Gashwin. "You stole Appa! Where is he? What did you do to him?"

The chief's son furrowed his brow at the bald child. "They're lying! They're the thieves!"

The Avatar snarled and created a slash of air that destroyed a sand sailor. He then turned back to the child and glared. "Where is my bison? You tell me where he is _now_!" Aang whipped his staff and destroyed another desert transport.

As the debris fell, the chieftain turned to his son. "What did you _do_?"

Gashwin trembled. "It wasn't me!"

Toph pointed at the son. "You said to put a muzzle on him!"

The last air bender turned and stared at this blind teacher, then spun around and glared at the sand bender. "You _muzzled_ Appa?"

In the next second, Aang's eyes and tattoos began to glow. He created a third slash of air that tore apart the last of the bender's sailors.

The chief's son shook. "I'm sorry! I didn't know it belonged to the Avatar!"

Aang pointed his staff at the boy. "TELL ME WHERE APPA IS!"

"I traded him… To some merchants. He's probably in Ba Sing Se by now. They were going to sell him there." Gashwin felt the winds around them grow faster and faster as he and his tribesmen cringed. "Please, we'll escort you out of the desert! We'll help any way we can!"

As Toph heard more screaming and felt someone pull her away from the speeding winds, she kept a sly smile from forming on her face. _Man, am I glad that gamble worked. 'Cause I didn't hear a single one of those sand benders say __anything__! Much less anything about a muzzle._

**[[Yup. It's true. From start to capture, none of the sand benders talk. Toph made up that whole thing about the muzzle.]]**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: By! The! SPIRITS! Those episodes were fun to rip on. I particularly enjoyed making Wan Shi Tong look like the giant douche bag that he is. Honestly, he ranks right up there next to Hai Bei and the Ocean Spirit for the title of 'Spirit that's the Biggest Dick.' How can he stand there and say that he doesn't share knowledge with humans when his entire collection is stolen from humans?**

_**Toph: I suddenly wish I had a chance to meet that feather-brain. Would'a loved to bury him under a chunk of his own ego.**_

**I wish you had, too. But, your moment of awesome came when you straight-up lied about what the sand bender said.**

_**Toph: Wasn't really that much of a gamble. I figured that news of catching a giant bison was bound to spread pretty fast in a place where there's nothing to talk about. Thus, all I had to do was accuse the kid and get Aang pissed at him. If he wasn't the one who took Appa, he definitely would've ratted-out who did.**_

**So you threw a possibly-innocent young man to the tiger-lions on the educated guess that he'd at least know who did it?**

_**Toph: Yup.**_

**You're awesome.**

_**Toph: Know it!**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2 Chapter 12**

**The Serpent's Pass**


	31. Book 2: Chapter 12

_Ladies and Gentlemen: We have crossed the half-way point! That's right. Less than 30 chapters are left in this exciting tail of action, adventure, drama, and plot holes. Today we bring you the sad, sad tale of how Aang suffocates his feelings of loss for Appa in order to not feel hurt._

_Toph: Yeah, but my amount of lines shouldn't. Seriously, I get almost no screen time in these episodes. And it's like, 'Hello! New character here! Do you guys realize all you've made me be is a sarcastic earth bender with parent issues?' At least they start up my crush on Sokka. Adds something to me._

_Perhaps they forgot you were there?_

_Toph: How could they forget when I'm right there beside everyone._

_I dunno. Maybe they didn't see you?_

_Toph: What do you mean, 'not see me'? They'd have to be blin-._

…

_Oh, you're an %##-hole!_

_[Sheepish grin]_

_And now, it's time for the show._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 12**

With a bright smile on her face, Katara jumped off a cliff and into the lake below as her white bathing suit clung to her skin. "Water bending bomb! Yayyyy!"

When her body hit the water, it created a giant wave that threw Aang out of the lake and drenched Toph and Sokka as the Water Tribe boy hastily shielded his map from the wave.

The Avatar and the blind earth bender both laughed as Sokka huffed and held out his drenched chart. "Sure. Five thousand year old maps from the spirit library. Just splash some water on them."

Katara raised an eyebrow as she stepped out of the large pond. "'Five thousand year old maps'? We're going to Ba Sing Se. Aren't those horribly out-dated in terms of cities, ports, and probably a few land marks? And shouldn't there be easily-acquired, up-to-date maps we can get anywhere?"

The water bender's brother shot open his eyes and stared at his map. "Wow. You're right. I never thought of that." He then crumpled the paper up and tossed it away.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the railing of a wooden ferry traveling to Ba Sing Se, Zuko stood beside his uncle as he took a sip from a bowl of stew. The teen's face immediately contorted and he spat the food out and groaned. "Ugh!" He stared at now-empty bowl. "I'm sick of eating rotten food!" His eyes looked out into the lake. "Sleeping in the dirt!" He hunched over. "I'm tired of living like this."<p>

Ursa's son then heard another young man's voice and glanced in its direction.

"Aren't we all."

Jet held a piece of straw between his teeth as he smiled and turned towards the scarred teen and old man. "My name's 'Jet' and these are my Freedom Fighters." He gestured out to his two companions. "Smellerbee and Long Shot."

Smellerbee and her archer friend nodded their heads. "Hey."

Zuko stared at the three, then turned back towards the ocean. "Hello."

The leader of the Freedom Fighters slowly approached the other boy. "Here's the deal: I hear the captain's eating like a king while us refugees have to feed off his scraps." He narrowed his eyes. "Doesn't seem fair, does it?"

Iroh raised an eyebrow. "Actually, yes it does. I mean, the guy has to constantly take this boat back and forth between the harbor, keep its passengers safe from the Fire Nation, and be ready to do something at a moment's notice to act if we get attacked by the Fire Nation or a giant serpent that lives in this large lake. Heck, with how much the guy in charge of this ship has to do on a daily basis, probably thanklessly, I'd say: Yes! Yes, it's very fair."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the port caverns of the Ba Sing Se ferries, an old woman with dark hair and black robes sat behind a stone podium, pounding green documents with a stamp. "Next!"<p>

Slowly, Aang approached the woman with his staff in hand. "Um… Four tickets for the ferry to Ba Sing Se, please."

"Passports."

"Uh… No one told us we had to have passports."

From behind the bald child, Sokka stepped forward and looked up at the woman as he put a hand on the monk's shoulder. "Don't you know who this is? He's the Avatar!"

The woman scoffed as she scribbled something down on a piece of paper. "I see 50 avatars a day." She then pointed to her left. "And, by the way, not a very impressive costume."

Aang followed her gesture and saw half-a-dozen young men in costumes that vaguely matched his own attire and tattoos.

The young monk smiled. "Well, good thing I can prove that I'm the Avatar." Aang handed his staff to Sokka before creating a large gush off wind, pulling water up from cups and barrels, and then bending a few rocks all at once. "See? Avatar."

The woman blinked twice. "Oh. Yes, I see. Thank you for performing such a simple gesture to prove you are who you say you are." She stamped a few documents and handed them to the boy. "Here you go."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within a lookout post on the wall that guarded the ferries to Ba Sing Se, Katara sat among her brother and friends as Suki stood across from them and leaned against a railing. The water bender eyed the Kyoshi Warrior, who wore a guard's uniform and smiled. "You look so different without your makeup! And the outfit…!"<p>

Suki shrugged. "That crabby lady makes all the security guards wear them." She then glanced at Sokka. "And look at you, sleeveless guy. Been workin' out?" She smirked and narrowed her eyes.

The Water Tribe boy closed his eye and bore a wide grin as he rotated his arm and flexed his muscles. "I'll grab a branch and do a few chin-touches every now and then. Nothin' major." He patted a biscep and smiled at it.

Aang leaned against an adjacent side of the lookout. "Are the other Kyoshi Warriors here?"

Suki smiled. "Yeah. After you left Kyoshi, we wanted to find a way to help people. We ended up escorting some refugees and we've been here ever since." When the monk's lemur jump up beside her, she chuckled. "Hi, Momo." She scratched his ear. "Good to see you too."

However, when the Kyoshi girl turned back to the group, they all stared at her with raised eyebrows. "What? What'd I say?"

Aang shook his head. "Suki, let me give you some advice. Though escorting refugees is, indeed, helping people, doing guard duty at a non-military post that is not under attack when there are already dozens and dozens and dozens of guards stationed here is _not_ helping people."

Sokka nodded. "Sorry, but Aang's right. You and the girls have been effectively wasting your time several times over."

Suki dropped her head. "I know. We're dead weight at best…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sokka, his friends, his sister, and the people being escorted by them all stood at the entrance of the Serpent's Pass. As the Water Tribe warrior looked on at the large, straight pathway, he raised an eyebrow. "<em>This<em> is the Serpent's Pass? I thought it would be more windy. You know, like a serpent." He shrugged. "I guess they misnamed it."

Ying kept her hand on her pregnant belly as she glanced at some words carved into a post of the pass's entryway. "Look at this writing… How aweful!"

Toph felt her water bending friend approach the post. "What does it say?"

Katara leaned over and looked at the writing. "It says, 'Abandon hope.'"

Ying cringed. "How could we abandon hope?" She cried into her husband's shoulder. "That's all we have."

Aang turned to the family. "I don't know." He then looked out at the lake. "The monks used to say that hope was just a distraction. So maybe we _do_ need to abandon it." The bald boy lowered his head.

Toph raised an eyebrow. "The monks said _that_? To little children? On a regular basis?" She huffed. "Wow! Those guys were douche bags."

Sokka raised a finger. "And yet, when you think about it, it makes their easily-escapable deaths much more understandable."

Katara glanced at her brother. "So Darwinism is brought about by hopelessness?"

Suki rubbed her chin. "You know, there may be a lesson in that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors walked along with the Avatar's group and the civilians they escorted, she glanced out at a lone Fire Nation ship in the lake. "The Fire Nation controls the Western lake. Rumor has it they're working on something big on the other side and they don't want <em>anyone<em> to find out what it is."

In front of the fan-wielder, Aang glanced at the girl. "Wow… Finding out secret plans… That sounds like something that stealthy warriors could be doing. You know, instead of playing guard duty at a place that doesn't need it."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the middle of the Serpent's Pass, under a setting sun, Suki spread out a blanket close the ledge as a campfire lit up her group's small resting spot. Just then, she heard Sokka's voice.<p>

"Suki, you shouldn't sleep there!" Katara's brother grabbed the female warrior's blanket and carried it away from the edge.

"Sokka, I'm fine! Stop worrying!"

Hakoda's son raised an eyebrow at the fan-wielder as he spread her blanket out next to his. "Um… I was doing this because the Fire Nation, who now must know someone is traveling along the pass, could send a ship out, spot you, and fling a giant fire ball at you."

Suki's mouth hung open. "Oh… Good point. Thanks."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Iroh watched his nephew, along with Jet's group, finish distributing all the food they stole, he raised an eyebrow and kept it raised until all of them, except for Jet, sat down around him. "So, this seems like a lot of food for just the captain. Plus, it's in separate, equally-filled bowls that don't look to be of anything high-class."<p>

Smellerbee looked at the old man. "So what?"

"So, I think you just stole the dinner of the entire crew. You know, the crew that constantly takes this boat back and forth between the harbor, keep its passengers safe from the Fire Nation, and has to be ready to do something at a moment's notice to act if we get attacked by the Fire Nation or by a giant serpent that lives in this large lake?"

Zuko and the other teens' eyes shot open and they stared at each other. "Wow… We $%^-ed up."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The large, green serpent burst out of the water and let loose its scream at the humans on a tiny rock island.<p>

As the scream shook his spine, Sokka pointed up and the snake-like beast. "I think I just figured out why they call it 'The Serpent's Pass!'" The enormous creature let out another screech as he turned to the Kyoshi Warrior. "Suki, you know about giant sea monsters, make it go away!"

Suki scowled at the Water Tribe boy. "Just because I live near the Unagi doesn't mean I'm an expert!"

Sokka then grabbed Momo and held him up towards the leviathan. "Oh great and powerful sea serpent, please accept this humble and tasty offering! Thank you!"

Katara glared at her brother. "Sokka!"

The serpent then charged in with its jaw wide open. However, before it could strike, the bald human swung his staff and a strung gust of air smacked it several dozen yards back.

Aang turned to his friends. "I'll distract him! Katara, get everyone across!" He flipped open his glider, but before he could take off, he heard the water bender call out.

"Why?"

"What? What do you mean, 'why'? To get everyone to safety!"

"No, I mean, why are you distracting it? You knocked it away pretty easily with that last attack. And this thing can't be harder to hit back a dozen yards than it was to move three tons of coal a hundred yards straight up. Let's just do this calmly and you can slap that thing away whenever it comes near."

"Hmmm…" Aang slowly turned back to the monster as it struck again. Once more, he whipped a wave of air at its head and it once more got blasted back. "Wow, Katara, you were right!"

The Avatar relaxed a little. "I guess I just overreacted."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With Momo at his side, Aang flew up along the staggeringly massive walls of Ba Sing Se. When they reached the top, they glided onto the wall's walkway and looked inward towards the city as the sun hung high in the sky. However, when he turned to his left, his body jolted as his eyes took in the sight of a colossal drill, spanning the length of several hundred yards and the height of twenty stories.<p>

As his lemur trembled on his shoulder, the young air bender opened his mouth and shouted, "How the $%^ did Earth Kingdom scouts miss _that_!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Whew! Thus concludes The Serpent's Pass. Man, it's been a while since a single chapter of mine was as long as this. **

_**Toph: Yeah, I bet it's been. He he...  
><strong>_

**You know, that kind of humor is best saved for the next episode.**

_**Toph: Oh, really? Are my lines saved for next episode too?**_

**Apparently your rag isn't.**

_**Toph: What was that?**_

**I do the best I can to give everyone as much as I can, but giving you the lines for some of the reactions was just too forced an unnatural. Besides, if you're going to blame anyone, blame Mike and Bryan. You said it yourself, they didn't give you enough dialogue to begin with. I'm not going to magically put you in a conversation that you aren't a part of to begin with.**

_**Toph: Hmph… Fine! I'll let this one slide. But I better be letting out a few insults and smart-alecky remarks next time.**_

**Ugh… Whatever.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 2: Chapter 13**

**The Drill**


	32. Book 2: Chapter 13

_Now, to watch the epic struggle to stop a giant [insert overused euphemism for penis and vagina that is used for the drill and the wall]! In that struggle we'll see how Aang and Katara use water to cut through steel and how a stone can somehow cause a chain reaction instead of just making a bigger hole in the metal like any wedge and hammer works._

_Toph: It's simple. Just slam a big, thick wedge into a tight hole enough times and everything the hole is attached to tightens, spasms, and screams very loudly._

_..._

_Toph: Hee hee._

_Didn't the brackets above indicate that we weren't going to do that?_

_Toph: I AGREED TO NOTHING!_

_Of course… Well, before we begin, I'd just like to point out how awesome my readers are. I received so many reviews that were happy that I pointed out how much of a dick Jet was when he stole the captain's dinner (and more than likely the crews dinner too). What's even better is that they all felt this way because the captain and crew were doing a great service to these people for no charge and needed to be well-nourished to ensure their safety. Then Jet comes along and thanks them by stealing their supper._

_So, I just wanna say, once again, how awesome my readers are, so I'm going to give them a special reward._

_Toph: Yeah! You guys rock! So what's their reward?_

_THE NEXT CHAPTER!_

_Toph:… Ugh…_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 13**

As Mai and her acrobatic friend slid down the side of the drill, the knife-wielding girl whipped a wave of daggers at one of the squads of Earth Kingdom soldiers. But, the soldiers quickly created rock walls, which absorbed the attacks.

When Ty Lee landed on the ground, one of the squad members shot a wave of stone at her. However, she quickly and gracefully leapt over the attack and towards the man that attacked her. As soon as she landed, the soldier swung his fists, but she effortlessly dodged and spun around him, where she struck with a series of quick jabs on the man's body.

The rest of the Earth Kingdom squads dropped into battle stances as they watched the first soldier fall. They then shot small boulders at the girl, but she calmly cartwheeled past the stone projectiles and jumped into the center of one of the squads.

Before the soldiers could move, Ty Lee quickly began striking their pressure points on their shoulder, stomach, ribs, and everywhere else. One by one, the men of the Earth Kingdom army fell until they all lay in a heap around the acrobatic young girl. Then, as the last soldier let out a groan, the aura-seer looked up to see her knife-wielding friend approach.

"It's a good thing these guys weren't wearing any armor at all. Otherwise your little jabs would've done nothing."

Ty Lee crossed her arms. "You know, every time I use this stuff, I'm thinking the exact same thing."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang stood beside his friends a top the wall of Ba Sing Se as the Fire Nation's drill lurched forward. "So the question is: How are we gonna stop that thing?" He and Katara looked over at Sokka, who stared back at them.<p>

"Why are you all looking at me?"

The nomad looked his friend in the eyes. "You're the idea guy."

Sokka scowled and stared out into the barren surroundings of the city. "So I'm the only one who can ever come up with a plan? Well, ok. Let's just drop a chunk of the wall on it."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "'A chunk of the wall?'" Her brother nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, that thing's moving so slow, it may as well be a stationary target and, though it could endure a couple boulders, I'm pretty sure it'd cave under the weight of 500 tons of rock. So, all we have to do is wait till it gets close and have Aang, Toph, and the other earth benders cut a chunk out of the wall so it falls forward like tree being cut down. Seriously, that's all it would take!"

Toph grinned. "You know what? With a little effort and elbow grease, that could work!"

The Avatar smiled. "Good plan, Sokka. It's simple, effective, and probably saved us a lot of time and effort from doing things in a much harder way."

The Water Tribe boy shrugged. "I try."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the bridge of the drill, Ty Lee narrowed her eyes and stared into a periscope. "Hey…" The acrobat stared at a cloud of dirt that stretched from in front of the wall to the side of the drill. "Look at that dust cloud. It's so… poofy." She sat back and made a light exploding gesture with her hand. "Poof."<p>

In front of the aura-seer, War Minister Quinn glanced at Azula. "Don't worry, Princess. I'm sure it's nothing."

Ozai's daughter scoffed and raised an eyebrow. "'Nothing'? A cloud of material that are enemies can control is spanning from their wall to the side of our secret weapon and you think it's nothing? How retarded are you?" She pointed at her acrobatic friend. "Seriously, even Ty Lee realized something was wrong!"

The war minister stared at the princess and then lowered his head. "You're right. By the spirits…" He lifted his head and turned to a nearby soldier. "You! Take some men and patrol the drill! Report anything suspicious!"

The soldier saluted. "Yes, sir!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Toph led her friends through the cloud of dust until the drill's spinning motion began to clear it away. Quickly, the blind girl created a tunnel in the ground. "Everyone, into the hole!" After all of them jumped in, she closed the entrance behind her.<p>

As Sokka followed the others through the pitch-black tunnel, he moved his eyes back and forth, but couldn't spot a shred of light. "It's so dark down here! I can't see a thing!"

The earth bender rolled her eyes. "Oh no. What a nightmare."

"Sorry."

As soon as the blind girl created an exit underneath the hull of the drill, her and her friends sped out the tunnel and scanned the metal structure until Sokka pointed at an opening.

"There!"

Aang leapt up and hooked his legs on a dangling pipe as his lemur flew into the opening in the drill. He then hung down and gave Katara a boost in as she jumped. The Avatar then helped Sokka in the same way. However, when he lowered himself again, his earth bending teacher simply stood still.

Hakoda's son poked his head down. "Toph, come on!"

The blind girl blinked twice. "Oh, sorry. I was just surprised for a second."

"About what? We need to hurry!"

"About how there's just this random gap in the underside of the drill that's low enough to be in jumping range. I mean, I can't smell any exhaust or fumes coming from it, so it's not that. It's not waste disposal. I can feel vibrations from inside, but there're no guards surrounding that spot so it isn't a trap. And this didn't appear for just a small moment due to the drill's natural movement.

"Which means, as the Fire Nation was inventing this thing, they decided to just put this opening right here for no reason at all! What happened? Did they run out of material as they were building the _bottom_? What's the reason for this? Why is it here? Seriously, whoever came up with the idea for this thing left a PRETTY OBVIOUS plot hole!"

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "'Plot hole'?"

The earth bender nodded. "Yeah. You know: An opening, which could be called 'a hole,' in the bottom, which could be called 'the plot,' of the machine. Thus, 'plot hole.'" She raised an eyebrow herself. "Why? What'd you think I was talking about?"

Aang shrugged.

* * *

><p><strong>[[WShH in AtLA: Over thirty chapters long and still not breaking the fourth wall!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Inside the Fire Nation's massive drill, with his bald friend, the lemur, and his sister staring over his shoulder, Sokka examined the machine's blueprints and narrowed his eyes. Then he pointed at the parchment. "Here the engine! Let's go destroy it!"<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the drill began tearing through the outer wall of Ba Sing Se, Sokka pushed as hard as he could on the metal brace that the Avatar and his sister cut through. "Come on, brace, budge!" He pushed his shoulder against the steel and groaned as it remained in place.<p>

Katara watched her brother collapse against the giant metal pole. "This is bad. _Really_ bad."

The Water Tribe boy panted and gestured at the steel column. "We're putting everything we've _got_ into busting these braces, but it's taking too long!"

From his seat on the floor, Aang blinked twice. Then his eyes shot open. "Maybe we don't need to cut all the way through." He jumped up. "Toph has been teaching me that you shouldn't give 100% of your energy into any one strike." The nomad lifted his arm. "Sokka, take a fighting stance."

Hakoda's son lowered himself into an awkward pose.

The Air Nomad pulled out his friend's leg, causing him so sway. "You've got to be quick and accurate." He lightly jabbed the other boy. "Hit a series of points and break your opponent's stance. And when he's reeling back,…" the bald boy raised his hand up. "…you deliver the final blow." He gently struck Sokka's head and the taller boy fell to the ground. "His own weight becomes his downfall, literally."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "And... Toph was the one who taught you this?"

Aang glanced at the water bender. "Yeah, why?"

"Because that doesn't sound at all like: A) The way she described earth bending when she was teaching you. B) Any fighting tactic she's ever used. And C) Something I don't imagine that she'll ever use in the future."

The monk scratched his head. "Hmmm… Now that you mention it, it does sound horribly unlike her; to the nth degree. I wonder if I was on cactus juice when I thought she said it?"

Sokka slowly pulled himself up. "Either way, a good idea is a good idea."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And thus completes the The Drill. Explosions, penetrations, going inside things, and much more fun was had by all. I wish more chapters could be like this.**

_**Toph: Me too! I was awesome!**_

**I take it, you liked your lines?**

_**Toph: Heck, yeah! Nothing like some good ol' fourth wall skimming to make you feel proud to be in a satire. You need to give me more lines like that one.**_

**Like I always say, I do what I do to make the satire work.**

_**Toph: You always say that? When?**_

**Just now.**

_**Toph:… Your jokes are worse than Sokka's.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 14**

**City of Walls and Secrets**

**P.S. To my readers: Seriously, don't ever let anyone tell you that the internet is full of nothing but %##-holes. You guys are great.  
><strong>


	33. Book 2: Chapter 14

_It's time for the beginning of some big city adventures inside the wondrous walls of Ba Sing Se. The search for Appa continues within the mightiest metropolis in the Earth Kingdom. What zany antics will we find? What mistakes made? What adventures will the GAang-?_

_Toph: Just start the chapter already so we can get this over with!_

…

_Something bothering you today?_

_Toph: Uh, yeah! It's a city! Which means rules and laws and protocol and a whole bunch of fun-killing garbage made by people who suck!_

_So, I assume you're feeling touchy about it?_

_Toph: Wow, now I truly see you're amazing skills of perception. Look, cities stink! End of discussion._

_Hey now, don't get upset about it. So this town rips the bones from your back and it's a death trap!_

_Toph: … What are you talking about?_

_It a suicide rap!_

_Toph: Stop it…_

_We've gotta get while we're young!_

_Toph: If you finish that, I will crush you in your sleep!_

'_Cause tramps like us, baby we born to runnnnnnnn!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 14**

As the Avatar and his friends stepped off the stone train and onto the rocky platform of the train stain, Toph groaned as Momo rested on her shoulder.

"Back in the city. Great…"

Sokka stared out at the enormous expanse of buildings, roads, and train tracks. "What are you talking about? It's amazing!"

"Just a bunch of walls and rules. You wait. You'll get sick of it in a couple of days."

The Water Tribe boy raised an eyebrow. "How do you know so much about cities? Your parents kept you locked up and made it so you couldn't go anywhere. Plus, Gaolong was not a gigantic bureaucracy. And on top of all that, shouldn't the rest of us, the ones who have traveled, literally, from one end of the globe to the other, know how cities work more than you do?"

The blind girl laughed. "You caught me! I was just making all that up."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Iroh and his nephew placed their aprons on and stood before their new employer, they saw the man smile at them.<p>

"Well, you certainly _look_ like official tea servers. How do you feel?"

Zuko scowled and whispered. "Ridiculous."

The Dragon of the West, however, fumbled with the back strap of his apron. "Uh… Does this possibly come in a larger size."

The shop owner smiled. "I have extra string in the back." He then poured two cups of a hot brew. "Have some tea while you wait." The man then handed his employees the cups and walked into his back room.

When his boss left, Iroh took a sip of the tea. Then his eyes bulged. "Bleh!" He glared at the cup. "This tea is nothing more than hot leaf juice."

Ozai's son rolled his eyes. "Uncle, that's what all tea is."

The former general furrowed his brow and stared down his nephew. "How could a member of my own family say something so horrible?" He clenched his fist before grabbing the tea pot. "We'll have to make some major changes around here!"

Zuko sighed as he watched his uncle carry the pot towards the open window. However, when he saw the back of the older bender, he closed his eyes and shook his head before shooting his eye lids open. "UNCLE!"

The old man stopped in his tracks. "What? What is it?" He spun his head left and right.

"It's your apron!" The scarred teen pointed at Iroh's back. "It's tied! Perfectly! And there's even a huge amount of slack on the string!"

The Dragon of the West raised an eyebrow and reached around his back. When he felt the tied string, his jaw dropped. "By the spirits! How did that happen?"

"I don't know, but there are several knots!"

"WHAT?"

**[I'm not making this up. Watch the episode.]**

"There are three! I mean, very clearly, I saw that the strings couldn't even touch! Now it's like they grew on their own, tied themselves together, and even had so much slack that they needed to make a few more knots so it didn't drag!"

Just then, the shop owner stepped back into the main room. "What's all the screaming about?" Both his employees pointed at the older one's back.

"Your aprons are magic!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within a pet store in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se, Joo Dee stood behind the Avatar and his friends as the store owner spoke to them.<p>

"I'm sorry. I haven't heard anything about a flying bison. I didn't even know there were any."

Aang stared at the man behind the counter. "If someone wanted to sell a stolen animal without anyone knowing, where would they go?"

Sokka scowled and swung his hands about. "Where's the black market? Who runs it?" He pointed at the owner and stared him dead in the eyes. "Come on, you know!"

The man began to sweat vigorously. "Uh…" He spotted Joo Dee shaking her head and gulped. "That would be illegal." He then thought to himself, _Wow, I'm sure glad none of these children have the power to sense when people are lying, nor have an annoying habit of calling people out when they are lying. If they did, I'd be in big trouble._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the terrace of Ba Sing Se University, Joo Dee once again stood behind the Avatar and his friends as they questioned a young student wearing glasses.<p>

"Hmm… I've never seen any sand benders or nomads around here. You should talk to Professor Zei. He teaches the class on desert cultures."

Sokka raised an eyebrow. "'Professor Zei'? When we met him out in the desert, he'd been traveling for months. How are you so well informed that you know who he is, but you don't have a clue that he's been gone for so long?"

The boy gritted his teeth before screaming and throwing his scrolls into the air. "Alright! You caught me! I don't actually go to school here!" He fell to his knees, crying. "I just hold a bunch of scrolls and wear the uniform so people will think I'm cool! I'm so sorry!"

The Avatar and all of his friends glanced at each other and slowly backed away from the boy.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Want to see how else that scene could have gone?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>On the terrace of Ba Sing Se University, Joo Dee once again stood behind the Avatar and his friends as they questioned a young student wearing glasses.<p>

"Hmm… I've never seen any sand benders or nomads around here. You should talk to Professor Zei. He teaches the class on desert cultures."

Sokka nodded his head. "Right…" He leaned over the boy. "And which of your professors could we ask about the war with the Fire Nation?"

"Uh…"

Joo Dee shook her head, but then stopped the instant the Water Tribe boy spun his head around.

The boy began to mutter something, but before he could, Katara's brother growled.

"Toph, you're fired!"

The blind girl furrowed her brow. "What? What did I do?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about _not_ paying attention to what Joo Dee's doing and stopping her from keeping people from talking to us?"

"Oh… Er… Right. I should be on that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the birds chirping and the sun rising over Ba Sing Se, Katara stepped outside of the house that the Earth Kingdom government loaned her, her brother, and her friends. A warm smile crawled up on her face as she stretched out her arms and then grabbed a newspaper, which lay in a mail slot beside the front door. As she read the paper, her smile brightened. Hakoda's daughter then let out a small glee as she clutched the now-rolled up paper and ran inside. "I've got it!" She saw her friends lounging about. "I know how we're going to see the Earth King!"<p>

Toph huffed. "How are we supposed to do that? One doesn't just…" She mimicked Joo Dee's fake smile. "…'pop in on the Earth King!'"

Sokka's sister scoffed. "Who cares? We'll just bust in!"

The blind girl raised an eyebrow. "We will?"

"Sure! We've handled two rampaging spirits, a humongous Fire Navy invasion, being lost in the desert, a giant drill, and whatever else Zuko and his sister have thrown at us! Sneaking into a heavily guarded palace when we have two bending masters, the Avatar, and guy who's a tactical genius, isn't exactly out of our league. We may as well call it 'Tuesday.'"

The short girl laughed. "I'm with Katara."

Sokka sat up. "Me too."

Aang leapt to his feet. "Makes sense to me."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As his small tea shop in the Lower Ring lay filled with customers, the shop owner smiled at the man he knew as 'Mooshi.' "I think you're due for a raise."<p>

Just then, the front door swung open and slammed the side of the building. In the next moment, a young, lean man with bushy hair and a piece of straw in his mouth marched into the tea shop. "I'm tired of waiting!"

Jet pointed at the scarred teen and fat old man. "These two men are fire benders!"

Iroh and Zuko stood with awkward expressions on their faces as the other teen drew his hook swords. Then they glanced at each other as the young man shouted.

"I know they're fire benders! I saw the old man heating his tea!"

At one of the tables, one city guard glanced at another before he and his partner stared at the teen holding the hookswords. "He works in a tea shop."

Jet stared at the guard. "He's a fire bender, I'm telling you!"

The guard and his partner glared at the shouting young man. "Drop your swords, boy. Nice and easy."

Jet crossed his swords in front of his body and stepped towards the benders. "You'll have to defend yourself. Then everyone will know." He smirked. "Go ahead." His eyes then narrowed. "Show everyone what you can do."

The first guard began to reach for his swords. But, before he could grab the hilt, the tea-maker's nephew pulled them out of the sheath.

"You want a show?" Zuko pulled apart the dao swords and dropped into a fighting stance. "I'll give you a show!"

As the scarred teen pulled out a table and kicked it at the hooksword-wielder, the second guard glanced at his partner. "So… should we be stopping this? Or at least shouting at them to stop?"

The first guard shrugged as the bushy-haired teen slashed the table and leapt over it. "Well, seeing as I didn't even raise my voice to stop that scarred kid from going vigilante when we were right here or shouting at him for taking my swords from me, no. Let's let this go."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Jet closed in on the boy he knew as 'Li,' the scarred teen blocked his attack with his dao swords and then jumped backwards onto another table. The leader of the Freedom Fighters slashed the table in half, but his foe simply balanced on the remaining half. But with another swing of his hook swords, Jet took out the table's legs.<p>

While Zuko dropped to the ground and Jet did his own leap backwards, the son of Ozai raised an eyebrow. "Did you just swing at the table when you had a perfect shot at my legs?"

The Freedom Fighter scoffed. "Did you just stand there on the table as I was swinging when you had a perfect shot at my head?"

"Touché!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Long Feng led the Avatar's disguised female friends into the main hall of the palace as the king's bear sat at the end of a long table and fancy-dressed guests mingled throughout the room. "Beautiful, isn't it?" He then glanced at the girls. "By the way, I'm Long Feng. I'm a cultural minister to the king."<p>

Katara smiled back and gestured to herself and Toph. "I'm Kwa Mai and this is… Dung." She then felt her friend tug on her hair.

The leader of the Dai Lee glanced around the room. "Now where is your family? I'd love to meet them."

Sokka's sister rubbed her head. "Um… I don't see them right now. But I'm sure we'll find them soon." She waved the man off. "Thanks for all your help."

The two benders walked off. However, after only a few moments, they jumped and their eyes widened as Long Feng stood right in their path.

"Don't worry, as your escort it would be dishonorable to abandon you ladies without finding your families first." The minister turned and began leading the two girls. "We'll keep looking."

As the nobleman led them through the party, Katara narrowed her eyes on her blind friend. "Way to feel his vibrations and know he was going to cut us off, Toph…"

"I know. I know. I'm having a bad day, alright?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko and Jet fought with one sword each inn the darkened streets of Ba Sing Se's lower ring. As a crowd of onlookers stared at them, they slashed and stabbed at every angle, but either missed or struck the other's blade. Soon, they found themselves back to back with one another, still swinging as they turned, but always winding up back to back.<p>

Just then, two Dai Lee agents in green robes and a wide cone hats calmly stepped through the crowd. The lead agent glared at the teens. "Drop your weapons!"

Jet and the boy he knew as 'Li' split off from each other. "Arrest them!" The leader of the Freedom Fighters pointed at the scarred teen and his uncle. "They're fire benders!"

Iroh pouted. "This poor boy is confused! We're just simple refugees."

The owner of the tea shop pointed at the boy with the hook sword. "This young man wrecked my tea shop and assaulted my employees!"

One of the city guards turned to the agents. "It's true, sir. We saw the whole thing. This crazy kid attacked the _finest_ tea-maker in the city."

The old fire bender blushed. "Oh… That's very sweet."

Both Dai Lee closed in on the scruffy-haired teen. "Come with us, son."

Jet scowled and swung his sword. But the man caught the blade in his rock gauntlet. The two agents then wrestled the sword out of his hand and cuffed his wrists behind his back. "You don't understand, they're Fire Nation!"

The Freedom Fighter felt himself being dragged off. "You have to believe me!"

As Zuko watched the crowd disperse and his opponent being thrown into a prison wagon, he thought to himself, _So, not only does the local law enforcement not try to stop a sword fight between two teens, they also don't bother to stop one of the teens from steeling the law-enforcer's swords when that law-enforcer was about to take care of things, and the only people willing to stop the fight don't come rushing in, but rather, they walk briskly, as though they're on an afternoon stroll through the park._

Azula's brother sighed. _I swear, if anyone ever asks me to betray the Fire Nation for these people, I'm going to remember this moment._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Ba Sing Se's palace, Sokka, wearing a black uniform of a busboy, watched a small palanquin, covered by a green veil, being carried in by two rows of earth benders. As he made his way through the crowd, holding his tray, he made out the silhouette of a man in robes with an odd headpiece on the top of his head. The Water Tribe boy then pointed at the man and whispered loudly towards the Avatar, who stood on the table in the center of the room. "Aang, the Earth King."<p>

The bald monk dropped the multi-colored liquids he formed into balls and created an air scooter, which he rode down the table. "Greetings, your majesty!"

Before his air bending friend could reach the king, Katara's brother watched the earth benders take the ruler out of the room once again. The boy pushed party guests aside as he dashed after the king, but two Dai Lee agents grabbed him and dragged him out of the room. "Erg! Let me go!"

Meanwhile, another Dai Lee agent stepped out from behind a column and shot his rock gauntlets towards Toph while a second agent bent his own at Katara. Both pairs of gloves quickly cupped the girls' mouths and wrapped around their midsections before pulling them away from the crowd.

A few moments later, as the girls found themselves being walked down a long hallway along with the water bender's brother, the Water Tribe girl narrowed her eyes at her blind friend. "Ambushed by earth benders…" She shook her head. "Toph, you're fired."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Long Feng's library, decorated with green and gold tapestries and furniture, the Avatar, his friends and his pet lemur all stood before the grand secretariat as he sat with a green fire at his back.<p>

When the door to the man's study closed, Sokka glared at him. "Why won't you let us talk to the King? We have information that could defeat the Fire Nation!"

Long Feng sat calmly. "The Earth King has no time to get involved in political squabbles and the day-to-day minutia of military activities."

Aang threw out his arms. "This could be the most important thing he's ever heard."

The leader of the Dai Lee stared back at the bald monk. "What's most important to his majesty is maintaining the _cultural_ heritage of Ba Sing Se. All his duties relate to issuing decrees on such matters. It's _my_ job to oversee the rest of the city's resources, including the military."

Katara's eyes widened. "So the king is just a figurehead."

Toph furrowed her brow. "He's your puppet!"

The grand secretariat held out his arms. "Oh, no! No!" He dropped his hands. "His majesty is an icon. A _god_ to his people. He can't sully his hands with the hourly changes of an _endless_ war."

The Water Tribe boy stepped forward. "But we found out about a solar eclipse that will leave the Fire Nation defenseless! You could lead an invasion!"

Long Feng shot to his feet. "Enough!" He watched the boy cringe back as the lemur flew away. "I don't want to hear your ridiculous plan.

"It is the strict policy of Ba Sing Se that the war not be mentioned within the walls. Constant news of an escalating war would throw the citizens of Ba Sing Se into a panic.

"Our economy would be ruined. Our peaceful way of life, our traditions would disappear.

"In silencing talk of conflict, Ba Sing Se remains a peaceful, orderly utopia." The grand secretariat wore a sneering grin. "The last one on Earth."

All four children stared at the leader of the Dai Lee with widened eyes. Then, a second later, they all keeled over laughing.

"What?" The middle-aged earth bender stammered. "What are you laughing about?"

Katara continued to chuckle as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Who wants to tell him?"

Aang managed to hold down his chuckles as he stepped forward. "I'll do it."

The air bender pointed at Long Feng as he smiled. "Ok, let me first break this down for you: We're not calling you out on your ability to keep this war a secret because we don't know when you started doing it, nor what methods you use to keep people from talking. We're also not calling you out on how you managed to keep the Dragon of the West's attack under wraps, again because of whatever methods you used. After all, several people in the upper ring seem to know what's up, but aren't talking. Also, Sokka already mentioned how you could just lead the invasion yourself, so it'd be stupid to call you out on that as well. Finally, we aren't even calling you out on threatening the Avatar and his amazingly-devastating crew who have thwarted naval invasions, rampaging spirits, Fire Nation royalty and a slew of other stuff. Basically, if someone had this much control over an entire city, it's easy to believe they'd pull something desperate to keep that power."

The monk suppressed a laugh. "Here's where we're calling you out: Why, oh why in all of the Spirit World, did you think we'd play along with this? I mean, I understand that you tried the peaceful way at first, just on the off chance. But once Joo Dee told you what we were here to do and how adamant we were, didn't it dawn on you how we were going to react to all this?"

Long Feng cringed. "Well… I… uh…"

Sokka snorted and waved to his friends. "Come on, guys. Let's get out of here and go tell everyone what's going on."

Toph let out a light snicker as she and her friends began walking out the room. "We better hurry, otherwise he'll outsmart us!"

All four kids broke into laughter.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Deep underneath Lake Laogai, in a stone dungeon, Jet felt himself being dragged by two Dai Lee agents and then thrown into a stone chair. The moment they released him, he glared at the two men. "You have to believe me, they're fire benders! They won't stop until they win the war!" The Freedom Fighter then grunted as he felt himself being locked down to the chair.<p>

One of the agents stood in front of the teen and inside a stone ring with a spinning light on it. "Calm down. You're safe now. There's no war in Ba Sing Se."

The hooksword-wielder stared at the man. "What are you talking about? Where do you think all the refugees come from? You can't hide it!" Just then, a stone covering went over his mouth and forehead as the light continued to spin around the ring.

"There is no war within the walls. Here we are safe. Here, we are free!"

The leader of the Freedom fighters felt himself become lightheaded as he thought to himself, _Oh, man! That light is making me lose it! Is there anyway to block it out? Think, Jet! Think! Er… Maybe if I close my eyes and concentrate._ The teen shut his eyelids for a few seconds. He shut them tight. He shut them as tight as he could. He kept his eyelids so tightly closed, not even a flicker of light passed through.

A moment later, Jet opened his eyes. _Dang! I couldn't think of anything!_

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As soon as the scruffy-haired teen fell into unconsciousness, the Dai Lee agent standing beside the boy glanced at his partner. "Hey, quick question."<p>

"Yes?"

"I know the official policy is to not talk about… you-know-what. But, the kid was pretty adamant that those two were Fire Nation. Shouldn't we, at least, look into it and keep an eye on them until we're sure?"

The agent inside the stone ring shook his head. "No. By decree of Darwinism, we are not supposed to investigate any matter which may have disastrous results for our city."

The man by the chair blinked twice. "'Darwinism'?"

"Hmm…? Isn't that what Long Feng changed his name to?"

"What? No! He didn't change his name at all! What in the world made you think he did?"

"Really?" The agent inside the stone ring put his hand on his forehead. "So that must have been a dream, then."

"What was?"

"I think I had one of those dreams the other night. You know, the kind where you could absolutely swear it really happened, even after you wake up."

"Oh, yeah. I've had those before." The Dai Lee beside the chair scratched his head. "So, you had one where Long Feng changed his name to 'Darwinism'?"

"Guess so. Weird, huh?"

"I'll say. Why 'Darwinism'?"

"I dunno. I guess my subconscious just picked a random set of syllables that it thought made sense as a replacement for Long Feng's name."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Jumpin' pond frogs, that was a long one. And that was with edits, too. I bet I surprised quite a few people today who were expecting me to rip into every single thing the Dai Lee and Long Feng had managed to do, and I'll be honest, I would have liked to. But I always could come up with a really good reason for everything except how he didn't realize until now that the GAang was going to be so adamantly against what he was doing.**

_**Toph: Hmpf, well, I'd prefer you restating the obvious than singing a song.**_

**What? Singing?**

**Oh, you mean… How can you not be a fan of 'Born to Run'?**

_**Toph: I am a fan. In fact, it's one of my favorite songs. And that's exactly why I don't want it being sung by someone whose singing voice sounds like a dying squirrel-possum, who is screaming for help as it's trapped in the throat of a fox-snake, which is being put into a blender by a man who's twisting the fox-snake's leg.**_

**Laying it on pretty thick for someone whose rock-vibration powers don't seem to work on rock.**

_**Toph: I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY!**_

**Sure you were. Sure you were.**

**That's all for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 15**

**The Tales of Ba Sing Se**


	34. Book 2: Chapter 15

_A short and sweet episode today, folks. We watch and learn what the GAang does when they get a break from having to try to save the world. Do they push themselves to the limit to get ready for the next adventure? Do they meditate on their past experiences to learn from both victory and defeat? Do they-?_

_Toph: One day off and you treat it like we doomed the world._

_You do remember what happened the last time the four of you took a day off to have a mini-vacation, right?_

_Toph: Hey, Dave, what's your opinion about Appa again?_

_Touché, Toph. Touché._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 15  
><strong>

Inside the Avatar and his friends' home in Ba Sing Se, Katara opened the door to Toph's room and gasped when she saw the earth bender laying sprawled out on the floor. She then furrowed her brow. "Toph. Aren't you gonna get ready for the day?"

The blind girl sat up and whipped her unkempt hair back before spitting into a tin bucket. As she felt her water bending friend cringe, she stood up and casually brushed the dust off of her beige pajamas. "I'm ready."

"You're not gonna wash up? You've got a little dirt on your… everywhere, actually."

"You call it dirt." Toph smiled and pressed her hand against her chest. "I call it a healthy coating of earth."

Katara stared at her friend as she held a hand over her mouth. Then her eyes beamed as she smiled. "You know what we need? A girl's day out!"

"Um… Don't we have other things we need to do?"

"I can't think of anything important."

"How about looking for Appa? Or figuring out how to reach the Earth King? Or training Aang so he's ready for the invasion that we need to tell the Earth King about and will be easier if we have Appa with us?"

The water bender shrugged. "Yeah, like I said, nothing important."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the morning sun shined down on the impenetrable city, Katara and Toph stood outside a large stone building. When two well-dressed young ladies exited the building, the blind earth bender used her second-sight to read the name on the side of the edifice and slumped her shoulders.<p>

"'The Fancy Lady's Day Spa'? Sounds like my kinda place."

The water bender smiled. "Are you ready for some serious pampering? Because I sure am in an upbeat mood, despite the fact that every move we're making is being watched and documented by the Dai Lee!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With clear blue skies over Ba Sing Se, Toph smiled as she and her water bending friend walked down the streets of the Upper Ring with make up on their faces. "Well <em>that<em> wasn't so bad. I'm usually not into that stuff, but I actually feel… girly."

Sokka's sister smiled back. "I'm glad. It's about time we did something fun together."

The two girls then began crossing a small stone bridge as three other fancy-dressed ladies started crossing from the other side. When all five girls crossed on the bridge, one of the ladies smirked at Toph.

"Wow, great make-up…"

The blind girl continued past them. "Thanks."

"…for a clown!" The lady and her two friends started laughing as the smaller girl lowered her head and frowned.

Katara turned around and glared at the three young ladies as she put her arm around her friend. "Don't listen to them. Let's just keep walking."

Another one of the ladies smirked and glanced at her friends. "I think she looks cute. Like the time we put a sweater on your pet poodle-monkey." All three laughed again.

"Good one, Star!"

The Water Tribe girl continued to narrow her eyes. "Let's go, Toph." However, her earth bending friend started to laugh.

"No. No. That _was_ a good one!" The blind girl spun around. "'Like your poodle-monkey'! Ha ha! You know what else is a good one?"

Toph stomped her foot on the bridge and caused a hole to immediately open under the ladies' feet. She heard them cry out before splashing into the stream below.

Katara stood above the gap in the rode and smirked down at the fancy-dressed ladies who lay soaking wet. "Now _that_ was funny." She then bent a strong wave of water that carried the ladies away.

When her water bending friend resumed walking with her, the blind girl smiled. "I've learned an important lesson today: If someone upsets you with words and insults, the best thing to do is cause them physical harm. It doesn't matter that the person who insulted you doesn't know you and you don't know them. It also doesn't matter that the person is far weaker than you, that they made fun of a trait that you don't even remotely use to define who you are, nor that you yourself insult people on a regular basis. Nope, the best thing to do when someone hurts you verbally is to hurt them physically."

The taller girl nodded. "And if you have to damage public property to do so, so be it!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Avatar the Last Airbender: It's a show for children.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>With a smile on his face, Aang flew through the mid-day sky and over the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se. "Wow, I sure am feeling chipper today, despite the fact that every move I'm making is being watched and documented by the Dai Lee."<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Atop a speeding air scooter, the bald monk blew into his bison whistle as a hoard of animals chased him through the streets of the Lower Ring. As he sped towards one of the walls inside the city, two soldiers bolted out to the sides and shouted for the gate to be opened, leaving a man in beige tunic to bolt out of the way as the stampede rushed through the gap in the stone wall. The animals then poured out into an enormous field where plots of different-colored grass lay divided by dirt pathways.<p>

When the Avatar flew out into the field, he dove towards the ground and created several walls, dividers, pits, and platforms for every one of the beasts. As soon as he completed his work, dozens of Ba Sing Se's citizens walked through the entryway of the new zoo, with their mouths slacked. Then, as animals bounced and rolled around in their new pens, the people narrowed their eyes and gritted their teeth.

"That idiot avatar just tore up our farmlands!"

"Why did he do this?"

"Didn't he realize that's the only thing that would be out here? I mean, what else would have plots of vegetation sectioned off from each other and be worth not expanding the city?"

"That horrible, horrible, child!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Late in the evening, Sokka strolled down the streets of the Upper Ring and hummed as he tossed his boomerang. "Man, I'm sure happy today, despite the fact that every move I'm making is being watched and documented by the Dai Lee."<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With night blanketing the sky and candles illuminating the restaurant, Zuko wore a green tunic as he sat across a table from a girl named 'Jin.' While she stared at him and smiled, he looked down at his meatball and played with it with his chopsticks.<p>

"How do you like the city so far?"

"It's ok."

The Earth Kingdom girl took a sip of her cup. "What do you like to do for fun?"

"Nothing."

A man in an apron approached the two teens. "Excuse me, sir? Would you and your girlfriend care for dessert?"

Zuko slammed his fist on the table. "She is _not_ my girlfriend!"

As the man walked away and the restaurant patrons stared at the scarred teen, Ozai's son steeled his face and folded his hands. He then glanced up at his date as she happily scarfed down a bowl of noodles. "You have… quite an appetite for a girl." The teen then twiddled his thumbs.

"Um… thanks…?" The brown-haired girl glanced down. "So… Lee, where were you and your uncle living before you came here?"

"Um… Well… We've been traveling around for a long time…"

"Oh? Why were you traveling so much?"

"We were… uh…" Zuko cringed. _By Agni! Did Uncle and I really not come up with a background story for our made-up lives? I mean, between the constant threat of discovery and that Jet character, we should have jumped on it right away. What in all of this world is wrong with us?_

Jin blinked twice. "Lee?"

"We were part of a traveling circus!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And thus concludes another wonderful episode of WShH in AtLA. Isn't it wonderful what lessons this show teaches our children? What are we at so far? There was kidnapping kids from The Swamp. Katara using violence on the two boys in The Blind Bandit. And now Toph and Katara teach us to hurt people whenever they insult us instead of just walking away.**

_**Toph: What can I say? I'm petty.**_

**This was more than petty, it was sad that you two even bothered to waste your time on those girls.**

_**Toph: What can I say? I'm petty.**_

**You've won the Earth Rumble several times. Katara single-handedly broke through the gender barrier of the North Pole in one day. You two can do things and have lived through things they couldn't even fathom.**

_**Toph: What can I say? I'm petty.**_

**This is one of the worst lessons you could ever teach to little kids and you did it in the worst way. Compared to those girls, both of you might as well be a living god.**

_**Toph: What-can-I-say? I'm-petty.**_

**I give up…**

**On another note, I'm actually pretty bummed that I couldn't do more with Zuko and Jin's date. It's my favorite pairing in the whole series.**

**_Toph: I've been meaning to ask you, why is that? It's not even remotely cannon, doesn't have that big of a fan base of art and fics, and there isn't that much of Jin's past to go on._**

**You kidding me? She's fun and energetic, loves surprises, and Zuko literally risked everything by making her happy at the fire light fountain. The prince-and-the-peasant motif makes it appealing too. But it's mostly that there was so much potential there and they fit together real well.**

**Sigh.  
><strong>

**That's all for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 16**

**Appa's A Complete Moron**

_**Toph: I think it's called, 'Appa's Lost Days.'**_

**What can I say? No. No it isn't.  
><strong>


	35. Book 2: Chapter 16

_Appa is stupid!_

_Toph: Cue laughter._

_Appa should be made into bison steaks!_

_Toph: Cue further laughter._

_If only Appa's Lost Days could last forever._

_Toph: If that happened, you'd have about half the material for each chapter._

_It might just be worth it._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 16**

The sand benders dragged the enormous bison through the desert. They pulled him past dunes and over hills until they pulled their sand sailors to a halt. The lead bender then leapt off his vehicle and pointed at the bison.

"Ransack his saddle! Who knows what treasures are stashed in there!"

Appa snarled loudly as two benders approached. The men halted and turned towards their leader.

"He's tied up good, he can't hurt you."

The two men then used their bending to leap up onto the flying beast's back. As they jumped, they kicked up a cloud of sand that flew into the ten-ton creature's nose. Appa began to sniffle, then inhale quickly, finally, he let out a powerful sneeze that flew thirty yards until it struck a sand sailor, which it shot fifty yards and plowed deep into a sand dune.

One of the sand benders glanced at his leader. "What's your father going to do when he finds out we lost a sand sailor?" However, his leader stood still with his mouth agape. "Hey? You in there?"

"Wh… what?" The lead bender blinked twice. "Oh… sorry! I was just shocked that this thing could do that with a sneeze, but for some reason, hasn't tried to cough at us and fling us to the other side of the desert."

"Now that you mention it, if it has such great wind-manipulation powers, why didn't it use them when we were capturing it?"

"I know! It doesn't make sense!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Appa lay still as a giant beetle pulled him onto a wood cart and large wooden hooks locked him in place. However, in the next instant, the sound of Aang's bison whistle flooded his ears and his eyes shot open. The ten-ton beast started swaying left and right, picking the cart off the ground as he rocked back and forth.<p>

Several yards away, the leader of the sand benders and his men sailed off. "He's your problem now! Haha!"

A merchant with a beetle hat gasped. "What?"

The bison then smacked the ground with his tail and propelled himself into the air while dragging the large scarab across the sand.

With his newest purchase flying away, one of the beetle-merchants shouted at his friend. "We need the shirshu spit darts!"

The other merchant whipped out a blow gun. "Got 'em!" He then loaded the tube. "Ok, big fella, you're going to take a nice, little snoozle." With a deep breath, he aimed and launched two darts into the beast's leg.

Appa felt a sudden jolt throughout his body before collapsing to hot sand below. Then, a large sand cloud in the shape of a mushroom, one that only an air bender could make, formed on the horizon, the two beetle-merchants stepped in front of him.

"Quick question: If this thing was strong enough to fly while we had him just as tied up as the sand benders _plus_ the weight of our cart our giant beetle, why didn't he just fly away when the sand benders had him?"

The other merchant shrugged. "Maybe he reacted to something just now and had a surge of hope or need to escape?"

"More hope or need than when they first caught him?"

"Yeah, good point."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside a Fire Nation circus tent, an animal trainer in a yellow tunic approached the flying bison's cage along side the ring master, who wore a red outfit and small cape. "He's a difficult creature: stubborn and willful. I need more time with him. It's too risky right now."<p>

The man in red glared at his subordinate. "Too risky? What are you talking about? You have him, a twenty-thousand pound creature, completely subdued in a wooden cage that weighs less than he does and has thin bars, which are also made of wood! Seriously, he could rip that cage in half by just kicking it! How could you think you haven't broken him yet?"

The animal trainer shook his head. "You're not going to believe this, but I think he just doesn't realize that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Appa slept, he dreamt about being a baby sky bison and playing with other little bison at an Air Temple. As a larger bison approached and they all ceased their play to nuzzle the full-groan beast, a group of young, male air benders stood around an old female master. As each of the children grabbed an apple from the woman, she spoke softly to them.<p>

"Choose wisely. A sky bison is a companion for life. So, if you want to live and are in danger, by… oh, let's just say… an invading army that can only slowly and staggeringly climb up the incredibly steep mountain that you live on, fly on top of your bison to somewhere safe."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With night covering the Eastern Air Temple, Appa slept mere yards away from the mysterious old man with a long white beard. As the giant beast snored, the elderly man picked his head up and then rolled backwards to stand.<p>

Guru Pathik then calmly rubbed his hands together and approached the Avatar's spiritual animal. When he placed a palm on the animal's belly, he frowned. "Oh dear. You've been through so much recently. Hurt and betrayed. So twisted up inside."

The old man moved his hand farther down the bison's stomach. "You're still full of love." A sigh escaped his lips. "But fear has moved in where trust should be." He shook his head. "And all because you don't realize that you are a fast-flying, twenty-thousand pound beast with horns who can create massive air blasts with his tail."

Pathik took his hand away. "Such a shame that your whole ordeal could have been prevented if you had just realized any part of that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What's there to say? Appa's completely stupid and probably got it from hanging around the Air Nomads.**

_**Toph: He should'a been a badger mole. They're smart.**_

**Should've been a plate of bison steaks is what he should've been.**

**That's all for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 17**

**Lake Laogai**


	36. Book 2: Chapter 17

_Today we venture into the Dai Lee stronghold underneath Lake Laogai. We'll be witnessing the plights of GAang to find Appa. The plight of Zuko to figure out his destiny. And the plight of Jet to get the GAang to trust him again._

_Toph: You talk too much about plights. Just get this chapter over with._

_You know, just because you make a few mistakes in this chapter doesn't mean you have to get testy about it. You're not the only one who's ever carried the idiot ball. Especially not in this episode._

_Toph: Point taken. Yeah, Mike and Bryan decided that, in this episode, the main females would carry idiot planets._

_Can't argue with that. I think everyone knows at least one thing they're gonna see today._

_Toph: Right, so let's get this over with. I want to read this, get angry, and then beat something to a bloody pulp._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 17**

Inside a small tea shop in the Lower Ring, a man in fancy robes as well as the man's two companions sat at a table and drank the warm brew that an old, bearded man poured for them. When they finished, all three patrons smiled at one another and stood up before the man led them towards their waiter. "So _you're_ the genius behind this incredible brew! The whole city is _buzzing_ about you!" He smirked and raised a tea cup with a hand covered in jewels. "I hope Pao pays you well."

Iroh smiled back. "Good tea is its own reward."

"But it doesn't have to be the _only_ reward. How would you like to have your own tea shop?"

The old benders eyes shot open. "My own tea shop? This is a dream come true!"

Pao heard his best server shouting a dashed over to where the four men spoke. "What's going on here?" He threw himself in front of his employee. "Are you trying to poach my tea maker?"

The man in robes chuckled. "Sorry, pal, but that's business for ya. Am I right?"

The shop owner tensed as he turned to the old man. "Mueshi, if you stay, I'll make you assistant manager. Wait! _Senior_ assistant manager."

"I'll provide you with a new apartment in the Upper Ring. The tea shop is yours to do whatever you want. Complete creative freedom."

Iroh looked on with wide eyes. "I even get to name the shop?"

"Of course!"

Pao stammered. "Senior… executive assistant manager…?" He then cringed as the man he knew as 'Mueshi' handed him the tea pot and bowed to the well-dressed man.

As his former employer walked away and Zuko walked past him, carrying a tray, the retired general smiled at the teen. "Did you hear, Nephew? This man wants to give us our own tea shop in the Upper Ring of the city!"

The banished prince stiffened as he heard the fancy-dressed man speak.

"That's right, young man. You're life is about to change for the-."

Zuko grabbed Iroh's elbow. "Yesyes,?" He then pulled the older bender into a back room of the store.

When the two stood out of ear shot of the patrons, the Dragon of the West raised an eyebrow. "Zuko, what's wrong with you?"

The teen glared. "What's wrong with _me_? What's wrong with you?"

"I don't understand what you're asking."

"You want to open a tea shop in the Upper Ring!"

"So?"

"Where rich and very accomplished people live!"

"So…?"

"Like the generals you fought when you were invading this city, who would not soon forget the face of the only man to ever breach the walls, which includes the general who personally surrendered to you and gave you that dagger you gave me!"

Iroh blinked twice. "Oh yeah…" He scratched his head. "Kinda forgot about that."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Old people in AtLA: The joke of senility is there for a reason.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Under Lake Laogai, in the Dai Lee's underground headquarters, Jet led Smellerbee and Long Shot as well as the Avatar and his friends through the corridors. "I think there might be a cell big enough to hold Appa up ahead."<p>

A few minutes later, the leader of the Freedom Fighters stood in front of a metal door with his hook swords drawn. "I think it's through here." He opened the door slowly and stepped into a large, dark, and empty cavern followed by his and the Avatar's friends.

Sokka walked beside Smellerbee, deeper and deeper into the room. Just then, the door slid shut behind them and green flames illuminated the enormous cave. The Water Tribe boy spun his head upward and saw dozens of Dai Lee agents hanging from chains or standing upside down on the ceiling. The warrior's eyes narrowed and he began to bear his teeth as he glanced to the other end of the cave and saw Long Feng being flanked by two of his men.

The leader of the Dai Lee glared at the children. "You have made yourselves enemies of the-."

Hakoda's son clutched his boomerang. "Toph, you're fired!"

The earth bender blinked twice. "What?"

Long Feng sneered. "You dare interrupt me when I am-?"

Sokka snarled. "Shut up!" He then towards the blind girl. "I don't know how your 'vibration powers' work! But I know that three random guys should not have looked anything like A TEN-$%^-ING-TON BISON!"

The warrior pointed at the ceiling. "And you didn't know there was anything up there? Twenty-some guys don't look like anything to you? We aren't on sand! Or water! Or anything else but SOLID ROCK! How did you not know this was all here? Why didn't you warn us?"

Toph shirked back. "I… I…"

"You knew there were ants crawling up a hill when we first met you! How is this harder to detect?"

"I… I…"

"No! Get out of here! You're fired!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the Dai Lee's headquarters, Zuko wore the guise of the Blue Spirit as he watched the Avatar's bison stomp and slam his chained feet against the ground as the creature snarled and roared at him. However, Ozai's son stood still as he stared the beast down and held his twin Dao swords. "You're mine, now."<p>

Just then, the door behind the prince opened. The teen spun around and held up his blades; only to see the Dragon of the West standing calmly and closing the door behind him. "Uncle?" He relaxed his stance.

Iroh looked on at his nephew and spoke with mock-uncertainty. "So, the Blue Spirit." He stroked his beard. "I wonder who it could be behind that mask."

The scarred teen exhaled slowly and took of his mask and hood. "What are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." The old bender approached his nephew. "What do you plan to do now that you've found the Avatar's bison? Keep it locked in our new apartment?"

The younger bender held both swords in one hand. "Actually, when I said, 'What are you doing here,' I meant it as: 'How did you get here?'" He saw his uncle raise an eyebrow. "I'm here. You're here. I heard some other people fighting with the Dai Lee down here. How easy is it to sneak into this place?"

"Ah, I see what you're saying. The answer is actually something I figured out when I invaded Ba Sing Se several years ago: The Earth Kingdom has the _worst_ security ever."

* * *

><p><strong>[[You all knew this next scene was coming.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Long Feng stood at the entrance to a tunnel, high up on the wall of one of his underground caverns, as he stared at the dying teenager and the Avatar hurrying to the young man's side. "Foolish boy. You've chosen your own demise."<p>

As the man who mind-controlled him walked off, Jet slowly turned his head towards the last Air Nomad. "I'm sorry, Aang."

The Avatar knelt beside him. "Don't be."

A moment later, Toph, beside her friends, opened up a pathway in the wall. Those around the blind girl gasped as they saw Jet lying motionless on the ground and hurried towards the leader of the Freedom Fighters. As all of them stood around the fallen teen, Katara pulled water out of her pouch and wrapped it around her hands. The clear liquid began to glow as she knelt down and moved her palms back and forth along her former boyfriend's chest.

However, when the water dimmed, the Katara looked up at the others. "This isn't good."

Aang glanced at the water bender. "Lucky you have that Spirit Oasis water."

Sokka's sister sighed. "There's nothing I can do."

The Water Tribe boy snapped his fingers. "No, Aang's right. That water that Master Pakku gave you when we separated."

Hakoda's daughter slid the water back into her pouch. "His injuries are beyond what I can heal."

Toph raised an eyebrow. "Is that what that vial on a necklace is? 'Cause I remember you guys talking about water that has special healing properties."

Katara buried her teary eyes in her hands. "He's doomed."

A smile crept onto Jet's face. "Super-healing water? That's great! I'm saved!"

"It's not fair that our friends have to suffer!"

Smellerbee glanced up at the Avatar and his friends. "Even if it's back at your apartment, which I don't understand why because you told us you bumped into Jet when you were casually putting up posters, we can all hurry and take Jet back there!"

"Why didn't I take more healing lessons?"

Long Shot rubbed his chin. "Yes, with care and a little luck, he can might just make it!"

"It's hopeless! Utterly, utterly hopeless!"

All six children clutched their fists and snarled at Katara. "USE THE DAMN SPIRIT WATER!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So the ladies of GAang take a serious hit today. I gotta say, I really don't know which one was worse. Was it Toph for not being able to distinguish three guys on the floor from a twenty-thousand pound monster? Or was it Katara for not remembering she had the Oasis water with her?**

_**Toph: Katara. It was definitely Katara.**_

**I don't know. That was pretty stupid of her, but you missed what was right in front of your face.**

_**Toph: It was Katara.**_

**The fact that she never smacks herself upside the head for forgetting about the water bugs me too. You'd think at some point, she would have gone 'Crap! I can't believe I forgot!' You, on the other hand, missed that there was a mess of guys on the ceiling and no ten-ton bison in the room.**

_**Toph: It. Was. Katara!**_

**Personally, I gonna say it was-.**

_**Toph: KATARA! YOU WERE GOING TO SAY KATARA! NOW SHUT UP AND RUN THE DAMN CLOSER!**_

…

…

…

**It was yours.**

_**Toph: ROCK-ALANCHE OF DEATH STRIKE!**_

**Toph! Toph! Calm down, To-!**

_**Toph: YEAH! SEE? That's what you get! That's what you get when you mess with the greatest earth bender in the world! Get it now, Dave?**_

_**Dave…?**_

_**Dave… come on, answer me.**_

_**Come on, Dave… Stop playing asleep.**_

…

…

…

_**Uh oh.**_

_**Well… um… uh… As Dave would be saying right now, if all that… ketchup weren't coming out of his head: That's all for today, folks. I hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 2: Chapter 18**_

_**The Earth King**_


	37. Book 2: Chapter 18

_Toph: Hi, everyone! Since I killed daveshn the other day, I'm going to write this chapter on my own. Now, you're probably all saying to yourselves, 'Toph, you're so cool and awesome, and incredible, surely you're going to do things drastically different than that other putz! Haha!' Well, you're half right._

_I am cool, awesome, and incredible and Dave is a putz, but I'll still be keeping to the basics of this satire: No fourth wall-breaking. Keeping scenes the exact same until the joke. Curse words are bleeped. And a nice, healthy chronological order of events. The big difference, is that I'm going to show how funny this thing can be when I actually get some lines._

_So, without further ado, I present you with the new version of The Earth King in:_

**Toph presents: What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 18**

In a small island in a vast sea outside of Ba Sing Se, Aang pressed his entire body against Appa's head and hugged the bison. "I missed you more than you'll ever know, buddy." He heard Momo chirp as the small lemur flew into ten-ton beast and hugged him. The Avatar then felt himself being slid off his pet's enormous head as Appa licked the boy's entire body.

As Sokka sat on a rock and watched the monk laugh as the ten-ton creature nuzzled him, he smiled. He then stood and walked over to where his sister stood next to his earth bending friend, who sat on the ground. "Look, we got Appa back, we escaped from the Dai Lee, I'm telling you, we should go to the Earth King now and tell him our plan." The teen crossed his arms and smirked. "We're on a roll."

Toph raised an eyebrow. "'A roll'? Didn't your friend just die?"

Katara glared at her brother. "One good hour after weeks of trouble isn't much of a roll."

The earth bender grimaced. "Plus, there was that whole Jet-getting-killed thing. I mean, it was enough to dampen the mood of getting Appa back, remember?"

The Water Tribe boy stared back at his sister. "We can build on it. If we want to invade the Fire Nation when the eclipse happens we need the Earth king's support."

"Um… Do you guys not care anymore that the guy who risked and gave his life so that we could find Appa is dead?"

The water bender kept her eyes on her brother. "Sokka, Long Feng is in control of the city. His conspiracy with the Dai Lee is _too_ powerful." She gestured with her arms. "I think we should keep flying and leave this horrible place behind us."

"If you guys didn't like him that much, that's cool. You told me he pulled a dick move on you in the past. But I think the least we could do is remember what he did for us and not act like everything turned out perfect."

Aang leapt across the island and beside Sokka. "But now that we have Appa back, there's nothing stopping us from telling the Earth king the truth! About the conspiracy _and_ the war."

Sokka threw his arm over the monk's shoulder. "See? Aang's with me!" He grinned sheepishly.

The blind girl shrugged. "Alright. No one cares about Jet, apparently."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Avatar's friends clutched the bare fur on Appa's back as the beast flew towards the palace in the heart of Ba Sing Se and the monk himself sat on the beast's head, Sokka pointed at the enormous stronghold. "There it is. That whole thing is the palace. The Earth king's chambers should be in the center."<p>

Katara held tight to the flying creature. "We have to be careful, Long Feng probably warned the king that we're coming."

"Why would you assume that? If you ask me, we're just going to sail right into the-."

A giant boulder shot up into the air. Appa quickly moved and avoided it.

"AHHHH!"

Toph felt pieces of gravel and dirt all around her. "What was that?"

The Water Tribe boy tensed. "SURFACE TO AIR ROCKS!"

"Surface to air? Why would they have those?"

"To take down things from the air! Duh!"

"But to take down what? What's flown in the past hundred years that they would need those installed and ready for? And even back then the only thing flying was peaceful, not-war-making nomads! For what possible reason do those exist?"

"I DON'T KNOW BUT WE NEED TO DODGE THEM! MORE INCOMING!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Toph and her friends hurried across the main terrace of the Earth Kingdom palace, royal guards shot boulders, stones and bricks at her and her friends. The young blind girl and the Avatar crushed boulders in the air or blocked them by raising stone columns and walls, only to lower them once they stopped the projectile. "Hey, a thought just occurred to me!"<p>

The air bender struck down another stone. "What's that?"

"Are you worried that Long Feng hypnotized Appa? I mean, we don't know the extent of the Dai Lee's brainwashing capabilities and it would make sense for him to try it!" Just then, she heard Sokka's voice shouting across the palace grounds.

"Appa! You're a ten-ton beast that can fire giant blasts of air! Start doing something or I'm going to turn you into bison steaks!"

Aang looked at Toph. "I'm not worried."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Aang, Toph, Sokka, and Katara stormed into the Earth king's throne room with their weapons and elements drawn, they saw Long Feng jumping in front of the young man. A second later, a wall of Dai Lee agents scrambled to form a line between the children and their two superiors.<p>

The Avatar stared past the earth benders and at the king himself. "We need to talk to you!"

The head of the Dai Lee gestured towards the children as he turned to the ruler. "They're here to over_throw_ you."

Sokka clutched his machete. "No! We're on your side! We're here to help!"

Katara's eyes widened. "You have to trust us!"

The Earth king stood up and glared at the youths. "You invade my palace, lay waste to all my guards, break down my fancy door, and…" He paused and blinked twice. "…and there's only four of you? Wow! My palace defenses suck."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Long Feng stood beside the Earth king within the throne room as he watched his agents cuff and secure the air bender and his companions. "Make sure the Avatar and his friends never see daylight again."<p>

The ruler of Ba Sing Se glanced at his subordinate and then back at the children. "The Avatar?" He pointed at the boy from the Water Tribe. "You're the Avatar?"

Sokka gestured towards Aang with his head. "Uh, no him."

With ease, the monk broke apart the stone cuffs and waved his hands. "Over here, your majesty." He then pulled his hands behind his back and reformed the cuffs around his own wrists.

The cultural minister remained calm. "What does it matter, your highness." He narrowed his eyes. "They are enemies of the state."

The Earth king lowered his head. "Perhaps you're right…" He then looked up as his bear approached the bald child, sniffed the boy, and then licked him. "Though, Bosco seems to like him!" The ruler smiled and then turned to the air bender. "I'll here what he has to say."

Calmly, Aang stepped forward. "Well, sir, there's a war going on right now, for the past 100 years, in fact. The Dai Lee's kept it secret from you. It's a conspiracy to control the city… and to control you!"

"A secret war!" The king furrowed his brow. "That's crazy!"

Long Feng glared at the child. "Completely."

The Avatar continued. "Long Feng didn't want us to tell you, so he stole our sky bison to blackmail us." He glared at the man who stole Appa. "And blackmail's the least of his crimes! He brainwashed our friend!"

Several feet behind the monk, Toph blinked twice. "Really? The brainwashing is what you're mad about? Not the murdering? The brainwashing?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[<em>I ain't done with this scene yet, boys and girls! Dave isn't the only one who can make something go two ways.<em>**

…

**_That came out wrong._]]**

* * *

><p>Long Feng stood beside the Earth king within the throne room as he watched his agents cuff and secure the air bender and his companions. "Make sure the Avatar and his friends never see daylight again."<p>

The ruler of Ba Sing Se glanced at his subordinate and then back at the children. "The Avatar?" He pointed at the boy from the Water Tribe. "You're the Avatar?"

Sokka gestured towards Aang with his head. "Uh, no him."

With ease, the monk broke apart the stone cuffs and waved his hands. "Over here, your majesty." He then pulled his hands behind his back and reformed the cuffs around his own wrists.

The cultural minister remained calm. "What does it matter, your highness." He narrowed his eyes. "They are enemies of the state."

The Earth king lowered his head. "Perhaps you're right…" He then looked up as his bear approached the bald child, sniffed the boy, and then licked him. "Though, Bosco seems to like him!" The ruler smiled and then turned to the air bender. "I'll here what he has to say."

Calmly, Aang stepped forward. "Well, sir, there's a war going on right now, for the past 100 years, in fact. The Dai Lee's kept it secret from you. It's a conspiracy to control the city… and to control you!"

"A secret war!" The king furrowed his brow. "That's crazy!"

Long Feng glared at the child. "Completely."

The Avatar continued. "Long Feng didn't want us to tell you, so he stole our sky bison to blackmail us." He glared at the man who stole Appa. "And blackmail's the least of his crimes! He brainwashed our friend!"

The grand secretariat turned to his ruler. "All lies. I've never even seen a sky bison, you're majesty. And if they had one, where is it now? If they were breaking into a king's chambers, I'm sure they'd use it!"

The Water Tribe boy raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Appa's right-." He turned his head and dropped his jaw when he saw no sign of the ten-ton beast in the room or the hallway.

Sokka then bared his teeth and narrowed his eyes as he clenched his fists. "MY BARE HANDS! WITH MY BARE HANDS, HE SHALL BECOME BISON STEAKS!"

Aang sighed and smiled. "Everything's back to normal."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Looking down from the top of Ba Sing Se's outer wall, surrounded by the Avatar, the Avatar's friends, and several of his own guards, the Earth King stared at the large metal drill with the black fire painted on to it and lowered his head. "I can't believe I never knew." Just then, he heard a noise and turned to his right to see Long Feng rising up to the top of the outer wall on a stone platform that stopped when it became level with the rest of the wall.<p>

Flanked by two Dai Lee agents, the grand secretariat approached his ruler. "I can explain this, your majesty. This is nothing more than… a construction project." He gestured at the drill.

Katara threw her hands on her hips. "_Really_? Then, perhaps you could explain why there's a Fire Nation insignia on your 'construction project'?"

Long Feng saw the Earth King narrow his eyes at him. "Well, it's imported, of course. You know you can't trust domestic machinery." He grinned widely as he shrugged.

The leader of the Dai Lee dropped his smile as he saw the king and everyone around him glaring. He then furrowed his brow. "Surely you don't believe these _children_ instead of your most loyal attendant?"

The Earth King dropped his gaze just before looking at the Avatar and then his grand secretariat. The ruler of Ba Sing se then narrowed his eyes. "Dai Lee, arrest Long Feng! I want him to stand trial for crimes against the Earth Kingdom!"

The Avatar, his friends, and Long Feng widened their eyes and dropped their jaws as the two Dai Lee agents exchanged a glance. The elite earth benders then whipped metal cuffs at their leader's wrist, shackling his hands tight.

The grand secretariat felt his men dragging him away as he sneered. "You can't arrest me! You all need me more than you know!"

Sokka then stepped forward. "Hold on, one second!"

Everyone turned towards the Water Tribe boy as he turned towards the Earth King.

"Your Majesty, I understand that you are naïve and, therefore, would think that the Dai Lee would be loyal to you. However, we, the world-traveled and not naïve, would like you to realize that Long Feng was in ultimate power in Ba Sing Se. He used his agents to help him, which means that they also had ultimate power because of him."

The young warrior cleared his throat. "What this means is that you are effectively trusting the people who, until your order 10 seconds ago, had ultimate power in this city, possibly this nation, to keep in jail the guy who was solely responsible for them having said power."

The Earth King blinked twice. "Oh, wow! You're right." He turned to his two guards next to him. "You two! Take Long Feng away instead of the Dai Lee."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sitting on his throne, the Earth king nodded. "You have my support."<p>

As the Avatar and his friends broke into cheer and dance, a lone man in a prestigious uniform entered the room.

"Your Majesty." All eyes turned to the man as he approached the throne. "I apologize for the interruption."

The leader of the Earth Kingdom gestured at the man as he bowed. "This is General How. He's the leader of The Council of Five, my highest ranking generals."

The king then crossed his arms and glared at How. "And he and I are about to have a serious talk about how the war and/or conspiracy escaped his detection or why he didn't tell me!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Somewhere within the palace of Ba Sing Se, in a small study, Aang and his friends sat in a circle on the floor as the young monk read the letter from Guru Pathik. "I can't believe it! There's a man living at the Eastern Air Temple. He says he's a guru."<p>

Sokka gestured with his hand. "What's a 'guru'? Some kind of poisonous blowfish?"

The bald boy squirmed, but smiled. "No, a spiritual expert. He wants me to take the next step in the avatar journey. He says he can teach me to control the avatar state."

Katara held up one finger. "Um… Aang? Didn't we go through this whole 'mastering the avatar state' thing before?"

"But this is a guru!"

"Who you've never met and have no way of knowing if he's for real."

"Well yeah, but-."

"I'm just saying, we should be a bit skeptical about this."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the restored terrace of the Earth Kingdom palace and beside the ten-ton bison, Sokka threw his arm around the Avatar's neck and nuggied the boy. "Alright! Who's ready for a man-only road trip?" His sister narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow.<p>

At that moment, the Earth king descended the steps to the palace, flanked by two guards. "Aang and Sokka," the two boys paused and then turned to face the king. "I wish you a good journey. Ba Sing Se owes you its thanks. And we look forward to your safe return." He watched all three children lightly bow to him.

The Water Tribe boy then began climbing up Appa's large head as another guard approached.

"Your majesty, there are three female warriors here to see you. They're from the island of Kyoshi."

Sokka's eyes widened as he spun his head. "That's Suki!" He lost his grip and fell onto the ground.

As the oldest of the children slowly picked himself up, the ruler of Ba Sing Se stepped towards them. "You know these warriors?"

Slowly, Hakoda's son stood and smiled. "Ohhhh yeah. The Kyoshi Warriors are a skilled group of fighters. Trustworthy, too." He pumped his fist. "Which is why we're going to delay our departure by a few measly minutes, in order to say 'hi' to them."

Katara smiled at her brother. "No, it's ok, Sokka. Even if everyone else goes right now, I will certainly feel nothing but obligation to at least be there beside the Earth king when they arrive to great a someone who's a very good friend of mine."

"I see no reason for either of those events not to happen. After all, the Council of Five surely would need time to prepare a meeting with you to discuss invasion plans. And if the Kyoshi Warriors are going to be welcomed as honored guests-."

The Earth king raised a finger and smiled. "Which they will be."

"…then, of course the generals would understand you taking the time to welcome Suki and her friends."

The water bender nodded. "And even if I couldn't, for some reason, I'd make it a top priority to great them as soon as I can and make sure they're comfortable."

"Indeed."

"Yes."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Somewhere in the Upper Ring, Toph Be Fong stood outside the door of a fancy home. Vibration-images of her reuniting with her mother appeared in her head as she took a deep breath and stepped forward. However, before she reached the door, she stopped.<p>

Quickly, the blind girl lowered herself and pressed a hand on the ground. A second later, she snarled and stood up. The young bender then clenched her fists and threw them forward, causing the entire house to be blasted away and leaving Xin Fu and Master Yu strewn on the broken floor and trembling beside a large, steel case.

The girl's former teacher stared at her. "H… How did you know?"

"Duh! I couldn't feel my mother, I felt you two, and I also felt absolutely no furniture, rugs, or anything in that entire house! I'd have to be completely clueless to just waltz right in there! Which I'm not!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>TN: Now that's what I'm talking about. Good humor. Good laughs. Good insights. And a good number of lines given by me, Toph, the Greatest Earth Bender and Funniest Satirist in the World! I don't know why Dave acted like this is such a big deal. It's easy and actually a lot of fun to write. Heck, I bet I could do the rest of this series in my sleep.**_

_**I'll bet you folks think the same. Yeah, who needs that blowhard anyway? All he does is copy down a scene and change, like, three lines.**_

**Yeah, and I don't do that good a job at it either.**

_**Toph: Exactly, Dave, you don't…**_

…

…

**Hi.**

_**Toph: Heh… heh… Hi,… Dave… How're you feeling?**_

**Oh, you know, LIKE I HAD A ROCK SLAMMED AGAINST MY HEAD!**

_**Toph: I'm in trouble, aren't I?**_

**YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU'RE…! In…**

_**Toph: Dave? Why did you stop? And more importantly, why are you smiling like that? **_

**My dear, Toph. I'm not going to do anything to you now.**

**_Toph:_ _Please stop smiling like that._**

**Why, Toph, don't be so worried, this is a time for fun and merriment. After all, next week is the season finale. We'll have Azula making her move. Zuko shall warm the day with his smile. You learn metal bending. Sokka and the audience are finally going to meet Hakoda. Katara goes for tea. And, of course, Aang unlocks chakras. And that's just the first half.**

_**Toph: S… So you're not going to punish me?**_

**Of course not; _now_.**

_**Toph: *Gulp* I think I want Xin Fu and Master Yu to put me in a steel box again.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for the finale of Book 2**

**The Guru & The Crossroads of Destiny**

**P.S. And the scene that's gonna earn me soooooo much hate mail.**


	38. Book 2: Chapter 19 & 20

_So, Toph, remember how I said I'd get you back for hitting me with rock?_

_Toph: Err… Yeah._

_Well it's not today!_

_Toph: Whew._

_Because today is the season finale of Book 2 and there's no way I'm dampening any spirits now! I'm ready to tear into The Guru and demolish The Crossroads of Destiny! I get to do more scenes with Azula! I get to mock the chakras! I get to treat the Dai Lee's take over like it's a joke! Have a final laugh at Long Feng! And, by the spirits, I finally get to show why Zuko's choice was what it was!_

_Toph: Glad to see you're in such a good mood. Although I have to admit, even I'm excited with the fact that you're able to pull this off. I mean, getting to the end of a season in an AtLA fic is a feat in-and-of-itself, but the fact that you've done it twice with a solid update schedule is just impressive._

_You got that right! Now lets get the fires burning and Ba Sing Se falling, 'cause it's time for…_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 2: Chapter 19 & 20**

Appa flew Aang and Sokka down to a hill that overlooked Chameleon Bay as the midday sun shined overhead. When the large beast landed, the bald monk smiled.

"You haven't seen your dad in over two years!" The boy turned to his friend. "You must be _so_ excited!"

The Water Tribe boy clutched his stomach and held his mouth. "I know I should be, but I just feel sick to my stomach."

The Avatar simpered. "Don't be nervous." He put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "He's going to be so happy to see you."

Sokka smiled for a moment. "So what about you? Are you nervous to meet this guru?"

"Not at all. I'm ready to master the avatar state. I'll do whatever it takes." The air bender cringed. "Well, except all that stuff that General Fong wanted me to do back when he wanted me to do whatever it took to get control of the avatar state."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside The Council of Five's war room, Katara and Momo sat at a table with a large map of the world painted onto its surface. As the generals sat across from her and the lemur, stone tokens, representing Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation forces lay placed at various points on the atlas. As the water bender sat calmly, General How spoke.<p>

"General Fong's base will serve as the launching point for the attack. In exactly two months,…" the officer waved his arms and three green tokens slid towards the Fire Nation and a red token. "… the army and navy will invade the Fire Nation on the Day of Black Sun." Just then, the Avatar's lemur jumped onto the map and tackled the red token.

Sokka's sister laughed as her friends pet knocked over more red and green pieces. "Or we could send in Momo to do some damage." All five generals remained stolid as she giggled. "Cause… the…" She lowered her head. "Sorry."

The commanding officer raised his hand and clenched his fists, causing the table to shake and the tokens to stand up as Momo shrieked and fled. How then pulled out a rolled-up scroll. "All we need is the Earth King's seal in order to execute the plan." He placed the parchment on a stone block and slid the block to the water bender. "And, though it would be more appropriate to send an official messenger or one of the Council of Five ourselves to get the Earth King's seal, along with several body guards, I will send you, the girl who I've never met or heard anything about until a few days ago and will not provide any guards for you while you deliver this crucially important document."

Katara picked up the paper and stood. "I'll get these scrolls to him right away. Thank you, General How."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With a euphoric smile on his face, Aang flew his sky bison through the mountainous region of the Eastern Air Temple as he approached the citadel and the old man who sat outside on a terrace with his legs crossed in a meditative pose. The boy then landed his large beast a few steps below the veranda and glanced up. "Um… Hello?"<p>

When the man didn't answer, the Avatar slid off his beast and walked up the stairs. "You're Guru Pathik, right? The person who attached the note to Appa's horn?"

The guru nodded. "Indeed. I was a spiritual brother of your people and a personal friend of Monk Gyatso."

Aang stared at him blankly. "What?"

Pathik smiled. "It's true. I have meditated in these halls and-."

"No, I mean the 'personal friend of Gyatso' part. If you're so close, how come I never met you? That was 100 years ago and he was my personal tutor and then he died almost immediately after I left. How is it that your name never came up and he never talked about you?"

"It was-."

"Seriously, you'd have been my age when he was alive? What kind of relationship did he have with someone that young that he won't have introduced you to me?"

The guru's smile grew even wider. "A truly magical one born out of love."

Aang raised an eyebrow. "Born out of lo-?" His eyes then widened as he threw his hand over his mouth. "If you'll excuse me, I need to throw up for 7 different reasons."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As another customer entered the luxurious hall of the Jasmine Dragon, Iroh smiled beside his nephew. "Who thought as we came to this city as refugees, that I'd end up owning my own tea shop? Follow your passion, Zuko, and life will reward-."<p>

The prince's eyes shot open as he slapped his hand over his uncle's mouth. "Don't call me that, you idiot." He glanced around and lowered his voice to a whisper. "It's _Li_ here, remember?" The boy groaned as he lowered his hand. "Geez, it's like you're trying to trick me into thinking this is my home."

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! He's on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the battle plans in her hand and the white lemur on her shoulder, Katara calmly walked towards a large, extravagant tea shop. "What do you say, Momo, shall I, the member of the group who personifies responsibility, take a break from simply walking across the upper ring and giving the Earth King this super-important document?"<p>

The lemur chirped as the water bender walked towards the restaurant.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the Earth King's throne room, dressed in her Kyoshi disguise, Mai sat on the floor, along side her two friends, facing away from the throne itself. The knife-thrower glanced left and right and, seeing no one else in sight, raised an eyebrow. "What are we doing here?"<p>

Azula simply smirked as her acrobatic friend tilted her head.

"What do you mean, Mai?"

"I mean, why are we here? Look at us: We're in the Kyoshi disguises, we have the overthrow of the king to plot, we have the follow-through of that overthrow to plan, and we have to make sure we can warn the Fire Lord about the solar eclipse! But instead, we're just sitting here!"

The princess continued to smirk as the knife-thrower scoffed.

"What are you smiling about, Azula? We still need to make sure we have the Dai Lee on our side! We could be rehearsing how we're going to do that! We could be making sure we know what to do if they don't agree to follow us! Heck, we could just be doing basic training drills, but we aren't!"

Ozai's daughter continued to smirk.

"What is wrong with you, Azula? There's no reason for us to be here! There's no one else in the room, so we aren't meeting anyone! We aren't facing the throne, so it's not like we're waiting for an audience with the king! If you ask me, this looks horribly suspicious that we're here and anyone who sees us will report it!"

The fire bender continued to smirk.

"WHY ARE WE HERE? Our mindset would literally have to be: Hey, everyone, what's say we throw on our Kyoshi disguises, head over to the throne room, and just sit for a few hours? Not train! Not plan! Just! Sit!" The young noblewoman crossed her arms. "Well? What are we waiting for, Azula? What 'great' scheme could you possibly-?" Suddenly, the Avatar's water bending teacher burst into the room with his lemur.

"Thank goodness you're here, Suki! Something terrible is going on. The Fire Nation has infiltrated the city. I just saw Prince Zuko and his uncle!"

Azula glanced at her knife-throwing friend as her smirk grew into a wide, sly grin.

Mai's eyes narrowed. "Say one word, Azula… _One_. _Word_. And every dagger I have goes into your throat."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a starry sky and atop a stone tower, the Avatar sat across from Guru Pathik as the young boy lowered his head. "I'm sorry, but I can't let go of Katara."<p>

The elderly man stared at the boy. "Aang, to master the avatar state, you must open all the chakras." He spread both his arms. "Surrender yourself."

The monk stared back and lowered his head. "Ok. I'll try." Folding his hands and legs, the boy closed his eyes and let his energies flow.

"Now think of your attachments…"

Aang saw the visage of Katara smiling at him as if flew through an open field in his mind.

"… and let them go. Let the pure cosmic energy flow."

The air bender then watched a sky filled with purple stars and nebulas appear in his conscious before seeing himself above the world and standing on a walkway made of pure light. He then turned around and beheld an enormous version of himself with glowing tattoos and eyes and black skin at the end of the pathway. The young monk's mouth lay agape as he steadily approached the being.

As Aang moved closer to the entity, his own tattoos illuminated and a smile washed over his face. At the same moment, a circling sphere of purple energy appeared between the giant's hands. The young avatar stepped into the ball of light and closed his eyes.

Just then, Aang heard Katara cry out and his eyes shot open. He turned frantically and saw a fleeting vision of the girl he loved chained to a wall. His head turned left and right before darting out of the light sphere.

The giant Aang faded slowly and the real monk's tattoos ceased glowing as the bald boy hurried back down the purple pathway. But just then, the light bridge disappeared and the air bender fell to the Earth below.

Back in reality, the Avatar's eyes shot open. "Katara's in danger!" He stood up. "I have to go!"

Pathik reached out as the boy ran off. "No, Aang!" He hurried after the monk as he slid down the side of the roof. "By choosing attachment, you have locked the chakra! If you leave now, you won't be able to go into the avatar state at all!"

The boy began to twitch as he stood on a ledge that overlooked the Eastern Air Temple. "It's… not… about that…"

"What?"

"Don't you think I know the avatar state could help me save her? Of course it can! It could probably take me back to Ba Sing Se faster than Appa would be able to on the best day of his life! Not to mention the fact that it would guarantee that I could save her from whatever danger she's in! To not take a few minutes to get that kind of power, which would allow me to save hours of time in travel, would be just stupid and self-defeating! But I can't help it! I need to stop training right now!"

The old man raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Aang spun around. "Because I'm a 12 year old boy who is constantly around the hottest, most amazing women in the entire world when they are sweaty and panting and exerting themselves as hard as they can and I don't get a moment of privacy! Not a single second to myself! Now the girl that I want more than any of the others, the one that is constantly around me in wet clothes and glistening skin is the one that I just saw in chains! Chains! JUST GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES, ALRIGHT?"

Pathik eyes bulged out of his head as the Avatar jumped off the roof and landed on another ledge. Seconds later, the sound of furious pounding filled his ear.

"And get some new pants for me too!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the coast of Chameleon Bay and under the night sky, Sokka gathered his weapons as Hakoda approached him.<p>

"Ready to go knock some Fire Nation heads?"

"You don't know how much this means to me, Dad. I'll make you proud! And I'll finally prove to you what a great warrior I am."

The Southern Water Tribe's chieftain put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Sokka, you don't have too prove anything to me. I'm already proud of you. And I've always known you were a great warrior."

"Really?"

"Why do you think I trusted you to look after the tribe when I left?"

The two warriors smiled and nodded to each other before heading towards one of the boats that lay docked on the beach. However, before they stepped on the deck, a loud roar and whoosh came from behind them.

The Water Tribe boy turned to see his air bending friend looking back at him with a long face while sitting atop his bison. "This can't be good news."

Aang trembled. "It's Katara! I don't know what, but something bad has happened to her and she's in trouble! We need to help her, now!"

Sokka steeled his face and clutched his war club. "Right. Come on, Dad!"

Hakoda raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere."

The chief's son shot his eyes open and spun around. "But Katara's in trouble. Your own daughter needs your help."

"Yeah… but I'd rather take out these Fire Nation ships. The men need me here, you know?"

"Can't Bato or whoever else take the lead? Isn't that what second-in-commands are for? I'm pretty sure they'll understand you leaving to help one of your children rescue the other one from danger."

The chieftain cringed. "See… thing is… I don't really like your sister. There's no way I'm abandoning this attack for her. So I'm not going."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the dark sky above the Jasmine Dragon, Zuko swept the floor of the now-empty restaurant as his uncle cleaned off a table. Suddenly, the teen stopped sweeping as a man in eloquent attire entered the shop with a scroll in his hand.<p>

The man approached the shop's owner. "A message from the royal palace." He handed over the parchment, bowed, then left.

Iroh opened the scroll and read. A second later, his eyes widened as he smiled. "I don't believe it!"

The scarred prince ceased his sweeping and stepped towards the former general. "What is it, Uncle?"

The older bender clutched the rolled-up scroll. "Great news! We've been invited to serve tea… to the Earth King!"

Zuko's mouth dropped. "And you're _excited_ about this?"

"Um… yes, why wouldn't I be?"

The teen groaned and smacked his forehead. "Oh, I don't know… Maybe because you used to be the most feared enemy general of this city and now that we're living in a place where your opposing generals could have spotted you, this could very easily be a trap."

Iroh blinked twice. "Oh yeah. Good point."

Zuko groaned and smacked his forehead.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Beside his nephew and under a midday sky, the former Dragon of the West exited a beautiful brown and gold wagon in front of the Earth Kingdom palace. As the wagon hurried away, the old man held a white, cylinder case in his hand as he and the scarred prince approached the castle. "Many times I imagined myself here, at the threshold of the palace. But I always thought I'd be here as a conquer. Just think, we are the Earth King's personal guest, here to serve him tea. Destiny is a funny thing."<p>

As his uncle finished speaking, Zuko glanced left and right. "Hey, do you notice how there are no guards outside right now?"

**[It's true. There are no guards stationed outside the castle.]**

Iroh blinked twice. "By the spirits…" He looked around. "You're right. We better be on our guard or get out of here, because this is terribly suspicious."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Iroh screamed as he leapt out of a hole he blasted in the outer wall of the palace. The old man fell until he landed on a bush shaped like a bear. Immediately after the impact, he rubbed his head and stared up at his nephew, who stood in the newly-created exit. "Come on! You'll be fine!"<p>

Ozai's son narrowed his eyes. "No. I'm tired of running. It's time I _faced_ Azula!"

The former general smacked his own forehead and ran off.

Meanwhile, back inside the palace, Zuko stood before his sister, who wore green robes, and a legion of Dai Lee agents.

The princess of the Fire Nation smirked. "You're so dramatic… What, are you going to challenge me to an Agni Kai?"

The prince glared back. "Yes! I challenge you!"

Ozai's daughter shrugged. "No thanks."

The scarred teen paused for a second and thought to himself, _Ok, Zuko, don't panic. Your little ploy to lure her into a one-on-one didn't work but you can still get out of this. Remember your fight with Jet? You were dodging and ducking his swords without sweating a drop! Surely, you've got the reflexes and speed to get out of here. Just shoot a fireball to distract them and run. Even if you don't decide to run, any attack they use will be almost fruitless, as you can evade it easily._

Zuko then conjured up a ball of fire that he shot at his sister. But two agents pulled up a chunk of the floor to stop the blast and then launched their rock gloves at the teen. Before the prince could move, the gauntlets pinned his feet to the ground. Iroh's nephew shouted as he felt himself being forced down. "Does fate just roll dice every minute to pick my skill level?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the catacombs underneath Ba Sing Se, Katara paced back and forth, occasionally staring up at the blocked entrance. Suddenly, she heard a rumbling and watched a Dai Lee agent pull back the boulder in front of the cave.<p>

"You've got company."

Another Dai Lee forced a young man forward and then shoved him into the hole.

The water bender stepped back as the figure tumbled and grunted as he rolled down the slope leading to the exit. However, when the teen landed, the Water Tribe girl stared at the scarred face of the prince of the Fire Nation. "Zuko?" She saw him stare up at her as the Dai Lee closed the door. As he looked on, she simply raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't your sister put me in a metal prison?"

The teen blinked twice. "What?"

"The metal prisons that the Earth Kingdom has. Why am I in here, in a wide open cave, instead of a cramped metal prison?"

The fire bender blinked twice. "That is a very good question."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Slowly and steadily, Aang and Iroh traveled downward through a green-stone tunnel that the young bender created with his earth bending, while the old man created a small fire in his palm, which illuminated the pathway. Once the Avatar bent the end of their tunnel forward and elongated the path, the monk and the former general continued forward with the tattooed youth cringing and the Dragon of the West remaining calm.<p>

Suddenly, Aang scratched the back of his head. "So, Toph thinks you give pretty good advice. And great tea."

Iroh smiled. "The key to both is proper aging. What's on your mind?"

The air bender lengthened the tunnel again and then frowned as he and his new ally continued walking. "I met with this guru who was supposed to help me master the avatar state and control this great power." He smiled, but then looked down. "But to do it, I had to let go of someone I love." The boy stopped walking. "And I just couldn't."

"Perfection and power are overrated. I think you were very wise to choose happiness and love."

Aang earth bent the tunnel once again and resumed walking. "What happens if I can't save everyone and beat Azula? You know, like my friends and I did back in that abandoned town when we were horribly sleep deprived, she was at her peak, and we had to worry about Zuko too? Or like how I beat her one-on-one when she tried to use the drill to get into Ba Sing Se?"

The Avatar and the Dragon of the West stopped and stared at each other for a few moments.

Then, Aang put his hands on his hips and smiled. "Wow. Now that I think about it, I have nothing to worry about."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Aang should have realized that. Here's something else he should have realized.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Slowly and steadily, Aang and Iroh traveled downward through a green-stone tunnel that the young bender created with his earth bending, while the old man created a small fire in his palm, which illuminated the pathway. Once the Avatar bent the end of their tunnel forward and elongated the path, the monk and the former general continued forward with the tattooed youth cringing and the Dragon of the West remaining calm.<p>

Suddenly, Aang scratched the back of his head. "So, Toph thinks you give pretty good advice. And great tea."

Iroh smiled. "The key to both is proper aging. What's on your mind?"

The air bender lengthened the tunnel again and then frowned as he and his new ally continued walking. "I met with this guru who was supposed to help me master the avatar state and control this great power." He smiled, but then looked down. "But to do it, I had to let go of someone I love." The boy stopped walking. "And I just couldn't."

"My boy, if you were anyone else or in any other situation, I'd say that perfection and power are overrated and that you were very wise to choose happiness and love. However, you're the Avatar and you need to clean up a 100 year-old mess before a comet comes. Take the power for the sake of everyone else's life, please."

* * *

><p><strong>[[But we aren't done yet! Now there's something Iroh should have done in that scene. Read on and find out what it was. And believe me, he really SHOULD have done it.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Slowly and steadily, Aang and Iroh traveled downward through a green-stone tunnel that the young bender created with his earth bending, while the old man created a small fire in his palm, which illuminated the pathway. Once the Avatar bent the end of their tunnel forward and elongated the path, the monk and the former general continued forward with the tattooed youth cringing and the Dragon of the West remaining calm.<p>

Suddenly, Aang scratched the back of his head. "So, Toph thinks you give pretty good advice. And great tea."

Iroh smiled. "The key to both is proper aging. What's on your mind?"

The air bender lengthened the tunnel again and then frowned as he and his new ally continued walking. "I met with this guru who was supposed to help me master the avatar state and control this great power." He smiled, but then looked down. "But to do it, I had to let go of someone I love." The boy stopped walking. "And I just couldn't."

"Perfection and power are overrated. I think you were very wise to choose happiness and love."

Aang earth bent the tunnel once again and resumed walking. "What happens if I can't save everyone and beat Azula? Without the avatar state, what if I'm not powerful enough?"

Iroh patted the boy on his shoulder. "If you are so worried, I should quickly teach you a little technique I learned while studying the water benders…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With his friend's lemur flying behind him, Sokka and the blind earth bender climbed the steps of the palace of Ba Sing Se. When they reached the top, the Water Tribe warrior saw the leader of the Council of Five walking through the halls. "There's General How." But the teen then stopped the girl beside him and froze as he spotted three Dai Lee agents clinging to the pillars that lined the corridor. In the next second, Hakoda's son yanked the short girl behind one of the pillars and the lemur followed.<p>

Katara's brother then clutched his chest as he watched the elite earth benders ambush and hand cuff the general with long, metal claws before dragging him to the ground. "The coup is happening right now! We've gotta warn the Earth King!"

Toph shrugged. "Or we could just kick their butts."

"No, we need to warn the king!"

"Sokka, there's only three of them. I remember back when we were under Lake Laogi, I had three Dai Lees attacking me at once and I still held my own. With you here, we can easily defeat them."

"Quickly, let's move and warn him!"

"We don't even have to beat them all at once. If we get one that's holding the cuffs by surprise, General How can back us up and then help us take them out."

"Hurry, Toph! There's no time to lose!"

"Sokka, for spirits' sake, we can beat them up really easily!"

"Come on!" Sokka grabbed the young girl's shoulder and dragged her off.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Azula stood in front of the Earth Kingdom throne as the Dai Lee dragged the Avatar's friends as well as the Earth King and his bear to the prisons. A few moments later, Long Feng walked through the doorway of the throne room with over a dozen of his agents at his back. The leader of the elite earth benders calmly marched towards Ozai's daughter until he stood only a few yards away from her.<p>

"Now comes the part where I double-cross you. Dai Lee, arrest the Fire Nation princess!"

However, none of the agents moved.

Long Feng spun around and glared at his men as he pointed at the young bender. "I said, arrest her!" As the Dai Lee remained still, the grand secretariat furrowed his brow as he stared at all of them. "What is wrong with you?"

Azula smirked. "It's because you thought the Avatar and his friends were just going to play nice and not stir up trouble, didn't insure your agents were competent enough to look into that boy with the hook swords screaming about my uncle and brother being fire benders, lost against the Avatar and his friends when you had them out numbered 5-to-1 in your secret headquarters, and, worst of all, you couldn't keep a pathetically naïve king under your thumb when an almost equally naïve boy exposed your lies.

"Honestly, you were never, ever, ever, ever a player of this game."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the underground catacombs below Ba Sing Se, Katara stood a few feet away from the prince of the Fire Nation as she folded her hands behind her back and lowered her head. "I'm sorry I yelled at you before."<p>

Zuko turned away. "It doesn't matter."

"It's just that, for so long now, whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face."

"My face…" The teen lifted his hand up to his scar. "I see…"

"No. No. That's not what I meant." The water bender slowly approached the boy.

"It's ok. I used to think this scar marked me." Iroh's nephew lowered his arm. "The mark of the banished prince: cursed to chase the avatar forever. But lately, I've realized I'm free to determine my own destiny, even if I'll never be free of my mark."

"Maybe you could be free of it."

Zuko's eyes widened. "What?"

"I have healing abilities."

The prince turned away. "It's a scar. It can't be healed." However, he turned back towards the Water Tribe girl when he saw her reaching into her tunic.

A moment later, Katara pulled out a small vile of water with a crescent moon on the lid. "This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole."

"'Water from the oasis?'" The scarred teen blinked twice. "How do you have that?"

The water bender calmly stared up at the prince. "That man who taught me water bending gave this to me as a parting gift."

Ozai's son shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant. You told me you were thrown in here by Azula, right?"

"Yeah."

"The same Azula that's my sister, right?"

"I don't know any other princesses of the Fire Nation."

"So how did she, my sister, my absolutely-careful-to-account-for-everything sister, let you down here with any water on you at all, regardless of where it came from?"

Hakoda's daughter blinked twice. "That is a very good question."

* * *

><p><strong>[[It's the moment you've been waiting for, folks! Zuko's choice to side with the Avatar and his friends or side with his sister. Which will he choose? What path will he follow?<strong>

**Meh, who am I trying to bluff? I've been building this up for 18 chapters.  
><strong>

_**Toph: You may wanna add a disclaimer, though.**_

**A disclaimer? For what?**

** _Toph: For the second half of the scene. May reduce some of that hate mail you're worried about._**

**Oh, yeah. Good call.**

***Clears throat***

**We here at W_S_hH in AtLA are not against nor have any problems with people who wished that Avatar: the Last Airbender had taken a different route romance- or otherwise. We are only against those who choose horrible places and times for romantic interests to begin. This includes, but is not limited to, the following scene under the following circumstances. Once more, we are not against people who wanted certain aspects of the show to turn out differently, just those who would wish for horrible things to befall innocent people so it can happen.**

**Also, for another group of my fans, I know the targets of my satire are usually Mike and Bryan + whatever writers they have helping them, but there's another group of people who really need a wake-up call.**

**And for one last group of people: I'm Jewish, so it's cool.]]**

* * *

><p>A shockwave shook the Crystal Catacombs and caused Zuko and the Dragon of the West to stumble. A second later, a wave of green gemstones shot out of the cavern floor and snagged the former general, pinning him in place. The prince immediately dropped into a fighting stance as he watched two Dai Lee agents flank his sister as she slid down the cavern's entrance.<p>

"I expected this kind of treachery from Uncle. But Zuko, _Prince_ Zuko, you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor. Are you?"

The scarred teen glared at his sister. "Release him immediately!"

The princess stood calmly and stared back at her brother. "It's not too late for you, Zuko, you can still redeem yourself." She smirked.

Behind his nephew, Iroh furrowed his brow. "The kind of redemption she offers is not for you!"

The general's niece narrowed her eyes at him. "Why don't you let _him_ decide, _Uncle_?"

Azula then turned back to her scarred sibling. "I need you, Zuko. I've plotted every move of this day." She closed her eyes and raised a fist. "This glorious day in Fire Nation history." She opened her eyes and relaxed her palm. "And the only way we win,…" the princess put her hand over her heart. "… is together.

"At the end of this day, you will have your honor back. You will have Father's love. You will have everything you want."

Iroh forced himself to speak calmly. "Zuko, I am begging you,…" he watched the teen turn towards him. "…look into your heart and see what it is that you truly want."

Azula watched her brother tense up and lower his head. "You are free to choose." She raised her hand and her Dai Lee agents slid away. As the princess began walking down the path the Avatar and the water bender used to escape, she heard her brother shout out.

"Wait! Where are you going? Of course I'll help you!"

Both the princess and the former general spun their heads around as their eyes shot open. "WHAT?"

Zuko shrugged at his sister. "Well, yeah. I mean, sure you've attacked me, tried to kill me, and threw me in this dungeon, but that doesn't mean I'm not the prince of the Fire Nation. And it also doesn't mean that the Fire Nation consists of only you, me, Father, and Uncle. There're hundreds of thousands of people who see me as the son of a god and treat me as such. Not only that, think of all the families who have lost loved ones: fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters to this war. People's lives have been sacrificed and others ruined. I have a chance, here and now, to not only stop the losses, but to make sure those brave men and women didn't die in vain."

The prince then turned to his uncle. "And I'm certainly not going to give that up for a country that's full of people who don't care if a homeless old man is getting hacked at by swords, who's wealthiest and elite are cowards who give up everything at the first sign of violence, who'd demonize a man who risked his life to save their town even when they're his enemy, or who'd stupidly not investigate a potential threat to their last city of hope."

The scarred teen sighed. "I'm sorry, Uncle. But I really don't care much about the balance and peace you're always talking about. In fact, at the end of the day, I'm probably only going to be worried about your opinion and Father's. Not the fate of balance, not the fate of the Earth Kingdom. Just you and my dad. You two are probably the only people I'll even when this is over. There's no reason for me to pick any other choice."

Iroh gritted his teeth as he watched his niece pat his nephew on the back. "What about the Avatar's water bending teacher?"

Ursa's son raised an eyebrow. "What about her?"

"Didn't you become really close with her down here?"

The banished prince scratched the back of his head. "I won't say 'really close'… As of now, I'd treat her to a few cups of tea, but the talk that I just had with her was literally the first conversation we ever had that didn't involve either a threat to hand over the Avatar or that something horrible should happen to me. I'm not going to betray my people for that."

Azula crossed her arms and nodded. "As you shouldn't."

The Dragon of the West fidgeted. "Well, what I mean is, I saw you two standing rather close and… thought you might be in love."

Zuko's eyes widened and his mouth dropped. "Are you serious? Are you $%^-ing serious?" When he saw his uncle nod, the scarred teen narrowed his gaze and barred his teeth. "You piece of #`*&!"

"Wha…? But, Zuko…"

"'Don't 'But Zuko' me you bastard! There are thousands of people and countless families who have sacrificed for the sake of the Fire Nation! There are untold generations to come who are going to be burdened by this conflict and it's all coming down to my choice, right here, right now! But _you_! You sick, sick monster! You want me to sell them all out SO I CAN GET SOME PUSSY?

"How could you be so awful? So horrible? So sick and twisted as to even think about praising someone for betraying the people who worship him and look to him for protection, JUST SO HE CAN GET LAID? In our nation, Small children have lost their mothers and fathers! Parents have had to bury their sons and daughters! Husbands have lost wives! Wives have lost husbands! And I could end it!

"But you think I should let all those people down, SO SOME GIRL WILL GO DOWN ON ME?"

Iroh frantically waved his hands. "No. No. You have it all wrong. I thought that what happened here was the blooming of the seed of true love, which had been lying in wait for the right moment and-."

"Oh really?" Fire burst out of Zuko's hands as he shouted. "And if that were true, what was I supposed to say to all those people who sacrificed for their nation? 'Hey, everyone! Sorry I had to make all your deaths and losses amount to nothing when we were so close to victory! But I had one decent conversation with this totally hot water bender who I was in love with despite her previously trying to kill me and went: "_Dang, _I gotta take this chance to break me off a piece of that!"' Is that what I was supposed to say? Should I put that in my speech when I'm crowned Fire Lord?"

"Well, no… What I thought was…"

"You know what, Uncle? $%^ your sick and twisted lack of morals! And $%^ anyone who'd condone them!"

Zuko let out a loud snarl as he glared at the older bender. "You know, it was one thing when you were talking about balance and the greater good of the whole world; not just the Fire Nation. I could see that. I could understand that. I might even be behind that. And let me make myself clear: If you believed that upon me helping the Avatar _because_ of balance for the world and afterwards, a series of events occurred that resulted in me and the water bender falling in love, I wouldn't be mad. I could be ok with that. But what you are saying right now boils down to me betraying my country, my people, and everyone I care about so that I can bang some chick!

"This is so terrible, so awful, so Agni-damned horrid, that I can honestly say that if there were ever a man so evil and vile that he orchestrated the mass execution of over 6 million people by means of painful poisonous gas chambers, just because he didn't like the way they prayed to their god, I think that man, upon hearing what you just said, would look you dead in the eye and scream, 'WHAT THE $%^ IS WRONG WITH YOU?'"

The prince then steeled himself and walked away with his sister beside him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And. That's. A. Wrap for season 2! I have to say, I love this ending so much more than the end for season 1. There isn't any false worship of horribly selfish spirits. No culture was preserved despite its blatant stupidity. And, most of all, we don't have to deal with the fact that the climax should have been foreshadowed somewhere in the past 18 episodes, but wasn't at all. Plus, I got to have so much perverted fun with Aang and show off so many reasons why the Crystal Catacombs shouldn't have happened and were not romantic in the slightest bit.  
><strong>

_**Toph: And you know why you have all that? ME! Toph! The Greatest Earthbender in the World!  
><strong>_

**Heh… Really? Is that why?**

_**Toph: You're darn tootin' right it is! Who constantly made it clear the Ba Sing Se was a bad place? Me! Who gave Mike and Bryan an excuse for Aang to go underground? Me! And who showed everyone how awesome earthbending, and thus, the Dai Lee could be? Me!**_

**Ha ha! Of course! It was all you!**

**I'm in too good of a mood to dampen spirits. I'm two-thirds of the way done and no signs of slowing down. And now I've got an entire new season, new country, and new characters to turn on their heads and laugh at till I split my sides along with every one of my readers'!**

_**Toph: Then how 'bout letting those readers in on what they're in for?**_

**Why not? Ozai! Combustion Man! The Painted Lady! Bloodbending! The space sword! The Day of Black Sun! The Western Air Temple! A scene in Book 3 that I consider to be the single dumbest moment in all of AtLA! Yon Rha!  
><strong>

**And, of course…!**

**The most important moment of the show…!**

**The time that changed everything…!**

**THE FINALE!**

_**Toph: 'The finale'? I thought you'd say something dumb like 'The Avatar and the Fire Lord.'**_

**Please, I'm not going to make the same joke twice. Not when the finale will be full of such things as: Aang's no-death rule! The White Lotus's plan! Zuko and Azula's battle! The war balloons! The other avatars! The numerous ways this show could have end! WHY OZAI'S DECISION IN THE WAR ROOM ACTUALLY MADE SENSE! Suki's 'blimp bending'! Toph's needless and sporadic sand bending!**

_**Toph: Hey!**_

**And, last but not least: What Iroh was planning all along!**

_**Toph: Wait, I thought his plan was to get Zuko to join the GAang and the White Lotus?**_

**No. Uh uh. Not. Even. Close.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for **

****The Second Special Treat****


	39. The Second Special Treat

**Sorry for the late upload. Fanfiction . net wasn't letting me log in. However, I am still on time and I can now show you, my friends and fans, The Second Special Treat of W_S_hH in AtLA.**

**As you know from the last chapter, I am not a fan of fanfics which have Zuko betray the entire Fire Nation just so he can get into Katara's blue panties (you _know_ that's the color). And while it is always a good thing to help the Internet have fewer bad stories, I realized, mostly because of my friend, Fyre, that I should try to get good stories get made too.**

**Now, the obvious question is: Why not write such stories myself? After all, I'm creative, attentive, and those who've read my one-shots can tell you I'm a good writer. The answer is: Because I don't have the time.**

**I'm 26 years old and training to be a professional mixed martial artist. Real life comes first from here on out. I still have all the plans and intentions to finish this satire, but I will not have the time to write any more saga-long fan fics. If I get any time to write at all, it'll be towards publishable material.**

**However! That doesn't stop me from contributing to the fan fic community by offering story premises that others can make for very interesting tales out of.**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><strong>CATEGORY 1: Who's where?<strong>

**We've all read stories where the roles of the Fire Nation and the Water Tribe are reversed and they often make for very good reads. However, one thing I've never seen is leaving the nations' roles the same, just moving people around.**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if Sokka and Katara were Ozai and Ursa's kids while Zuko and Azula were Hakoda and Kya's?<strong>

**Naturally, their attire and skin color would be different (and the casting for _The Last Airbender_ would make sense). But what about their personalities? How would Ozai react to his son not being a bender and how would Sokka change because of it? How would Katara react to Ozai's reaction? Gran-gran and Hakoda would naturally be accepting of Zuko's not-stellar bending talent, but how about Azula's perfectionist and manipulative attitude? Would Azula tone it down or would she be angry with Kanna and her father?  
><strong>

**Could there even have been an agni kai with Sokka v. Ozai if Sokka couldn't firebend to begin with? And then what happens during the rest of the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if Bumi was King in Ba Sing Se and Kuei was King in Omashu?<strong>

**Could Omashu have lasted? Would Kuei be so naïve without Long Feng there? What would Ba Sing Se be like with Bumi, who would never let Long Feng control him, in charge and running the military? Would he have personally been at the wall when Iroh attacked and been the one to kill Lu Ten? How would that affect Iroh's decisions down the road and, thus, the rest of the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if Combustion Man was the bounty hunter Zuko found first instead of June?<strong>

**Could be that Combustion Man was the one hunting that stowaway or that June turned Zuzu down at the tavern, but C-Man was there and agreed to do it. That'd fill up the action in the show very fast. Not just because an inexperienced GAang has to go against Combustion Man, but because, if the GAang got away and Combustion Man found out Zhao was also after the Avatar, he'd consider Zhao to be a threat to him and deal with him appropriately. What would Zuko's reaction to that be? What would others' reaction be when they found out a bounty hunter, sent by the prince, killed a ranking officer without real provocation?**

**And how does that affect the rest of the story?**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><strong>CATEGORY 2: Wealth<strong>

**This one may not seem like a big deal, but it can have a remarkable impact on the entire story.**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if the Fire Nation was very visibly losing money and resources because of the war?<strong>

**How enthusiastic would the soldiers and population be? Would this affect the number of deserters and Fire Nation allies for the Avatar? Would bribery for rank be rampant and how would that affect the war effort? More importantly, once out of the palace, what would Zuko's reaction be when he sees the horrible costs? How would all this affect the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if the Southern Water Tribe had the resources and fortification of the Northern Water Tribe?<strong>

**It'd make it a heck lot harder to abduct benders, that's for sure. Would they get Hama? Would Katara have a teacher right there and what would her skill level be? Would Kya be alive or dead? Would Hakoda actively attack the Fire Nation or just stay isolated like the Northern tribe? How would the rest of the story go from there?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if it were the Earth Kingdom that was very visibly losing money and resources while the Fire Nation was prospering?<strong>

**Would the people of the Earth Kingdom keep wanting to fight when they saw that the Fire Nation colonies were doing so well? Would they welcome the Fire Nation as liberators? How popular would the Freedom Fighters be and/or who's side would they be on if being ruled by the Fire Nation was such a positive thing? Would Zuko ever join the GAang if this were the case? How would the rest of the story go?**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><strong>CATEGORY 3: Who's dead and who's alive?<strong>

**As amazing of stories as these could be, I only ever see four types: Aang's dead because he didn't get away from the temples. Zuko's dead because of the agni kai or Ursa left with him, creating the same end result. Ozai's dead because Iroh stepped in during the agni kai or Zuzu got a _really_ lucky shot. And Iroh's dead, while Lu Ten's alive. But let's look at few others.**

* * *

><p><strong>-How about if Toph was dead?<strong>

**She oversteps her limits while beginning to learn earthbending and causes a cave-in, burying herself alive. Who would teach Aang earthbending? It'd definitely be an inferior teacher but who would it be and how would they affect the group? If it were Haru, how would the fact that he and Katara had a potential relationship change the group dynamic? After all, Haru lost his same-gender parent and then got him back, he is what Katara dreams about. At the same time Katara is the one who helped Haru get said parent back safe and sound.**

**What would Aang's reaction to all this be and how would Haru's weaker-than-Toph skills affect the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if both Katara and Kya got killed by Yon Rha?<strong>

**Yon Rha knows a waterbender when he sees one and kills Katara, then Kya as Kya attacks in vengeance. How would Sokka feel about the Fire Nation? What would Sokka do when he and Aang ran into Jet? How about when Yue has to sacrifice herself because of Zhao? Also, would Sokka be so sarcastic and lighthearted or would he be bitter and angry like Zuko in season 1? What would the impact of this be on the rest of the story?**

**P.S. One day, Sokka's anger over being left behind by Hakoda, which prevented him form getting revenge on the Fire Nation, boils over and he spends the whole day swinging his club at a 'random' iceberg to vent.**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if both Iroh and Lu Ten died at Ba Sing Se?<strong>

**As simple as this is, I've never seen anyone do it. Between Iroh and Lu Ten, either one lives and the other dies or they both live. I've never seen both die, which would change the story dramatically. Ozai wouldn't have to ask for the throne of the Fire Nation, it'd be his. Thus, Ursa would never have left, Iroh wouldn't have been there to let Zuko into the war room, and there's no telling who'd be in charge of the White Lotus. And let's not forget what Iroh and Lu Ten's deaths would do to morale for both the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. So how would all these details change the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if Ursa had died right after giving birth to Zuko?<strong>

**Zuko was 'lucky to be born.' What if that was just a little quip about birthing complications? No Azula. No one but Ozai parenting Zuko and Ozai parenting no one else. No Mai and Ty Lee hanging around. No living in the shadow of a prodigy in Zuko's life. And everyone, including Zhao, would try to get into Zuko's good graces after Ozai takes the throne. So how does all of this alter the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>-What if Hama was killed instead of abducted?<strong>

**You might be wondering how this could change anything of importance. To see it, think about all the things that would be affected by her being killed right in front of everyone. Give up? Gran-Gran. Kanna witnesses her close friend being slain right in front of her eyes simply because she's a bender. With that kind of mental scarring, how much would she encourage Katara to waterbend? That's Katara could get punished for practicing her bending.**

**What would _that_ do to the rest of the story?**

* * *

><p><strong>So there you have it. A few ideas off the top of my head that I hope you'll write about. I'm always glad to help and:<strong>

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 1**

**The Awakening**


	40. Book 3: Chapter 1

_Ladies and Gentlemen: WE'RE IN THE FINAL LAP! That's right! It's season 3, baby! All the side-splitting, knee-slapping, and breath take-awaying that you know and love, now with two scoops of Fire Lord Ozai! And we kick it off with the main man himself getting a swift kick in the pants! We get to see the GAang enter the Fire Nation for the first time since Roku's temple! And we get to see WShH!Azula match wits with WShH!Zuko!_

_We're coming into the final stretch, so let's kick it off with The Awakening and watch the beginning of the end fall into place like a winning hand that does not get to pass go nor collect $200!_

_Toph: Have you been hitting the juice or just hanging out with Iroh too much?_

_King me!_

_Toph: … Again, the juice or Iroh?_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 1**

_Water…_

_Earth…_

_Fire…_

_Air!_

_Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked!_ _Only the Avatar, master of all four elements could stop them. But, when the world needed him most, he vanished._

_A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an Airbender named 'Aang.' And although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone._

_But I believe, Aang can save the world…_

…_Man I was wrong!_

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun shined down on a Fire Nation naval base, Li and Lo, Azula's elderly tenants, addressed a battalion of soldiers from atop a stone tower, which lay decorated with gold and crimson ornaments. "Your princess, Azula, clever and beautiful, disguised herself as the enemy and entered the Earth Kingdom's capital! In Ba Sing Se, she found her brother, Zuko! And together, they faced the Avatar! AND THE AVATAR FELL! AND THE EARTH KINGDOM FELL!<p>

"Azula's agents quickly overtook the entire city! They went to Ba Sing Se's great walls! AND BROUGHT THEM DOWN!"

"The armies of the Fire Na-!"

A shout rang out from the crowd.

"Excuse me!"

The two old women glared down at the soldier who spoke out. "You dare interrupt us as we recount the greatness of your princess?"

"Terribly sorry, but I have a question! Something about this story doesn't make sense!"

"Our words are the truth!"

"I'm sure they are! But, who exactly were theses 'agents' that took down the wall?"

The old sisters nodded. "They were the elite Dai Lee! These earth benders were swayed by the princess's cunning words and-!"

"Ok! Stop right there!"

The two women snarled. "You dare interrupt again?"

"Yes! Because you're telling me that, in 100 years, the Fire Nation never thought to bribe and/or blackmail a bunch of earth benders and have them take down the wall?"

"Bah! Foolish grunt! These earth benders are as powerful as 3 or even 4 normal earth benders! That's why it only took 8 of them!"

"So, in the span of 100 years we couldn't get the equivalent of 24 to 32 earth benders on our side until now? Seriously, you're telling me that the Dragon of the West was there for almost two years and never thought 'Gee, maybe if I got a couple dozen earth benders on my side and give them cover fire, then they could take down a chunk of this wall for me'? He never thought that? No one in the Fire Lord's war room thought to do that for 100 years?"

The two women growled. "Someone take that guy! And throw him into the ocean!"

"Wh…! Bu…! I…! AHHHHH!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a blue sky and on the deck of a Fire Nation ship, the injured avatar held a bowl of noodles as he sat on the metal floor and his friends surrounded him. Across from the boy, Sokka sat on a crate, wearing the same Fire Nation uniform as the two men on the warrior's flanks.<p>

The Water Tribe boy ate from his own bowl and smiled at his air bending friend. "After what happened in Ba Sing Se, we _had_ to get you to safety. We flew back to Chameleon Bay, where we found my father and the other Water Tribe men. The Earth King decided he wanted to travel the world in disguise; so he set off alone. Well… not completely alone.

"Soon, the bay was completely overrun with Fire Nation ships. Rather than fight them all, we captured a single ship… and made it our disguise." Sokka unfolded a map as the blind earth bender spoke.

"I actually envy you, Twinkletoes, you didn't have to do all the boring heaving of the dead bodies into the bay."

Aang's eyes bulged as everyone else cringed. "_What_?"

Sokka glanced at the small girl and made a quick cutting gesture in front of his neck. "Toph… ixnay on the urdermay!"

The Avatar's jaw droped. "The WHAT?"

Beside his son, Hakoda groaned. "Pigeon-cat's out of the bag." He looked directly at the air bender. "I know how this bothers you, Aang. But, yes. We killed all the sailors on board, tied heavy objects to their bodies, and tossed them overboard." As he watched the young boy tremble, the chieftain rolled his eyes. "What? You thought we just asked them nicely not to cause trouble and let them go? If we kept them locked up somewhere, we'd have dozens of experienced soldiers and several fire benders constantly trying to escape. If we just knocked them into the water, they'd tell whoever rescues them that their ship was hijacked by Water Tribe and we'd have essentially accomplished nothing."

The Water Tribe man raised an eyebrow. "Honestly, what did you think had happened?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the hijacked Fire Nation vessel, Aang hunched over as Sokka recounted the events that transpired in the previous weeks. When the older boy finished, the monk glanced up at his friend. "So what now?"<p>

Next to his son, Hakoda smiled as he ate from a bowl of noodles. "We've been working on a modified version of the invasion plan."

A few feet away from her father, Katara scowled. "It's _Sokka's_ invasion plan."

The Water Tribe chief looked at his daughter with downcast eyes. "Yes. Sokka's plan." He then turned back to the Avatar. "We won't be able to mount a massive invasion without the Earth King's armies. But the solar eclipse will _still_ leave the Fire Nation vulnerable."

Sokka grinned. "So we're planning a smaller invasion. Just a rag-tag team of our friends and allies from around the Earth Kingdom. We already ran into-."

Aang raised a palm. "Hold on a moment."

The Water Tribe boy blinked twice. "Um… what?"

The air bender glanced at his water bending friend. "Katara, didn't you tell me that Azula was disguised as a Kyoshi Warrior?"

The Water Tribe girl nodded.

"So, she was not only in the city, but very close to the Earth King, right?"

The water bender nodded once more.

Aang then glanced around. "So did any of you bother to ask the Earth King if he let the invasion plan slip to Azula when he was talking to her?"

Everyone on the ship gritted their teeth and cringed.

"Ugh… By the spirits…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the walls of the Fire Nation palace, Zuko sat at the edge of a pond as a small family of turtle-ducks swam over to him. His eyes remained lowered as he tore apart some bread and barely even flicked his wrist to toss it into the water. The birds quickly began noshing on the food until the boy's sister approached. The oldest turtle-duck started quacking frantically, causing the younger ones to mimic her and then hastily swim away.<p>

As the shelled fowl swam off, Azula stared down at her brother. "You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already?" She smirked. "Though, actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately."

The scarred prince scowled. "I haven't seen Dad, yet." He turned away. "I haven't seen him in three years. Since I was banished."

"So what?"

The teen furrowed his brow further as he turned back towards his sister. "So, I didn't capture the Avatar."

The princess threw out her arms. "Who cares? The Avatar's dead." She watched him tilt his head to the side and look away from her. "Unless you think he somehow, miraculously, survived?"

Zuko began thinking about how the Avatar's water bending teacher showed him the Spirit Oasis water. Five seconds later, he remembered her explaining its special properties. Seven seconds after that, he glared at his sister and said, "No. There's no way he could have survived."

Azula glared down at her brother. "Really, Zuzu? Really? I ask you a question, you wait twelve seconds,…"

**[Go ahead and count. It takes twelve seconds.]**

"… and then you scowl at me while saying 'No. There's no way he could have survived.' Did you really think I was going to fall for that?"

"Well…"

"Ty Lee could've been hammered on three gallons of cactus juice and she _still_ wouldn't have fallen for that!"

The princess groaned. "I mean, even if that whole 12-seconds thing didn't happen, there's still the scowl and grumpy voice telling me 'No. There's no way he could have survived.' Geez, Zuko!"

Azula turned with a 'hmph' and began walking away. "And I thought you had gotten smarter in the past three years."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Fire Nation ship chased the one that the Avatar's friends hijacked, the two vessels exchanged volleys of projectiles. The Fire Nation forces flung chunks of burning sulfur while Toph launched cuts of stones. Then, the Fire Nation troops armed a massive metal harpoon that they shot into the hull of the captured ship and then ripped it out, exposing a large hole that water began to pour into.<p>

On the deck of the captured ship, Katara rushed to the edge and blew an icy, cold breath of air down the side of the steel vessel, freezing the gap closed. She then turned to her allies and friends. "I'm going to give us some cover!"

With several quick, solid motions, the water bender created a whirl pool that erupted into a geyser of steam. The cloud of evaporated fluid spread and spread until it engulfed both ships.

However, a few seconds later, a large chunk of sulfur flew threw the cloud and crashed into the other vessels deck.

As the boat shook, Toph snarled at the Water Tribe girl. "Great job giving us cover, Katara! Don't create a giant wave to capsize them or giant ice spears to impale their hull! Just create a bunch of steam when we're all moving in the same direction! Good job!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko slowly walked through the halls of the Fire Nation palace and towards his father's throne room. When he reached the threshold and stood before a crimson and gold curtain, he paused and breathed deeply. The scarred prince then parted the tapestry and stepped forward.<p>

When the teen saw his father, sitting behind a wall of fire, with his face hidden by shadows, his own eyes widened. The prince then whispered, "It's true."

The Fire Nation youth crossed the threshold until he stood almost ten yards away from the throne and the flames in front of it. He then knelt down and bowed as his father spoke.

"You have been away for a long time. I can see the weight of your travels has changed you." Fire Lord Ozai rose from his throne. "You have redeemed yourself, my son." The ruler of the Fire Nation stepped down from his seat of power and through the flames that lay before it. He approached his son and looked him directly in the eyes. "Welcome home."

Zuko looked back. "Thank you, Father. And may I ask you how you are able to do that trick?"

"Trick?" Ozai raised an eyebrow. "What trick?"

"Well, I always thought it was a mistake of my memory, but when I saw you when I entered the room, your face was hidden by shadows."

"Shadows?"

"And you were sitting right in front of a fire." The teen watched his father blink twice. "Thing is, every time I see fire being bent, it illuminates the area around it. And whenever I have a campfire right in front of my face, my face is well lit. Now, normally I'd write this off as a factor of bending that I just don't understand, but it never happens with anyone else's bending and it didn't happen with Grandfather's fire-wall either."

Zuko looked on at his father. "So how is it that you are sitting right in front of a fire, but your face, which is protruding out of your head and unobstructed, is hidden by shadows? How does that work?"

Ozai spun his head around and stared at the throne. "Is _that_ what happens? Holy #`*&!" He then rubbed his chin. "Although it does explain why I can never get a good portrait of me on the throne."

* * *

><p><strong>[[You wanna know what fridge brilliance is? Fridge brilliance is the act of writing an aspect of a story that consists of an insanely logical move that is so insane, the logic behind it goes right over the audience's heads until they suddenly think about when they're just calmly sitting in bed or rummaging through their refrigerator.<strong>

**Want an example of fridge brilliance? Watch the series again. There are no pictures, paintings, portraits, statues, diagrams, drawings, _nothing_ of Ozai sitting on the throne. Here's a guy who has a picture of his face in every school classroom, has a statue of himself constantly shooting fire in a town square, and in the unaired pilot, he commissioned a 200+ foot-tall avatar statue to be altered to look like him. But there are no images of him sitting on the Fire Nation's seat of power.**

**For all the quips I give Mike and Bryan about their work, that is an amazing feat of storytelling.]]**

* * *

><p>Late at night inside the Fire Nation palace, Azula slept soundly in her bed until she heard her door being flung open. <em>Oh boy,<em> she thought to herself. _Here's Zuzu to yell at me for what I told Dad._

Zuko glared at his sister. "Why'd you do it?"

The princess remained still as she raised an eyebrow. _What? Is he…? No. No, calm down, Azula. He's probably just asking rhetorically. There's no way he could be that stupid._

"Why did you tell Father that I was the one who _killed_ the Avatar?"

_Agni damn it, I know that tone of voice. He's not asking rhetorically._The princess opened her eyes and slowly sat up. "You wanna know why, Zuzu? Here's why

The young woman cleared her throat. "Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…!" She took a deep breath.

"…uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhh!<p>

"Now go to sleep!" Azula dropped her head back to the pillow and closed her eyes.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As dawn broke over the Fire Nation, Aang lay unconscious on the shore of a volcanic island. While soot and smog plumed from the mouth of the volcano, the monk heard a small chirping and felt a tiny tongue lick his cheek. The boy opened his eyes and saw his pet lemur sitting on his chest. The boy then groaned as he pushed himself up and watched Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Appa rush towards him.<p>

The water bender threw her arms around her air bending friend. "You're ok!"

The air nomad looked up at his friends. "Yeah… and, not that I'm ungrateful, but how did you find me?"

Sokka's sister blinked twice. "Huh?"

"How did you find me? I flew off in the middle of the night in some random direction. Past a blockade. Through a storm. Crashed into the ocean. Then summoned a wave, which randomly took me to this island. So how, how did you beat the astronomically low odds and find me on this random spec of dirt?"

The Water Tribe siblings and the earth bender looked at one another. Then at Momo. Then at Appa.

Katara cringed as she looked back down at the Avatar. "I guess the spirits who work as the weird writers of our fates just gave us a bit of good luck for a change."

"Those fate-writing spirits have no sense of probability."

The water bender shrugged.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And thus concludes the first chapter of Book 3. MAN! I am so excited by this I can hardly contain it! I mean, I am actually going to get this done! I always knew I was going to but to see season 3 being entered, it's just a whole new level of vindication for me!**

**Finale, here we come!**

_**Toph: Yeah! Like the last ostrich-horse to cross the one in the hand that's worth more than shooting a barrel full of gopher-monkies!**_

**$%^ yeah!**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 2**

**The Headband**


	41. Book 3: Chapter 2

_So, Toph, are you ready to watch every kid's fantasy come alive?_

_Toph: Yes, Dave. Please tell me what it could be. Is Aang going to battle pirates? Defend peaceful lands from vile barbarians? How about go up against a vicious monster from beyond?_

_No! Today Aang will be part of the most awesome adrenaline-pumping adventure that so many of the show's viewers love. That's right, in The Headband, Aang is going to SCHOOL!_

…

_Seriously. That's the plot of this episode._

_Toph: Kinda makes you miss The Great Divide, huh?_

_Yes, Toph, yes it does._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 2**

Night fell over the Fire Nation as Aang, wearing his Fire Nation school uniform, slid down the top of the cave his friends rested in and dropped in front of the entrance. As he waltzed into the alcove, Katara sat up and glared at him.

"Where have you been, we've been worried sick!"

The Avatar smiled back as his lemur jumped off his shoulder. "I got invited to play with some kids after school." He took off his headband.

Sokka jumped to his feet as his eyes bulged. "After WHAT?"

"I enrolled in a Fire Nation school." The monk puffed out his chest and closed his eyes. "And I'm going back tomorrow."

The Water Tribe boy stared at him with his mouth agape before clutching his head. "Enrolled in WHAT?" He then stiffened and fainted.

Meanwhile, beside the passed-out warrior, Toph scratched her head. "Hey, Twinkle Toes, don't get me wrong, I'm glad your near-suicidal drive to fight the fire lord has calmed. But I find it rather odd that, within the span of less than a week, that same do-or-die mentality's been replaced with a everything's-dandy-so-let's-have-fun mindset. I mean, it's like you can't stay focused on one thing for more than-."

Aang pointed at the ground. "Look! Something shiny!"

The earth bender groaned. "Well, that answers that."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Second episode into Book 3 and we're already seeing how else that scene SHOULD have gone.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Night fell over the Fire Nation as Aang, wearing his Fire Nation school uniform, slid down the top of the cave his friends rested in and dropped in front of the entrance. As he waltzed into the alcove, Katara sat up and glared at him.<p>

"Where have you been, we've been worried sick!"

The Avatar smiled back as his lemur jumped off his shoulder. "I got invited to play with some kids after school." He took off his headband.

Sokka jumped to his feet as his eyes bulged. "After WHAT?"

"I enrolled in a Fire Nation school." The monk puffed out his chest and closed his eyes. "And I'm going back tomorrow."

The Water Tribe boy stormed over to Avatar and punched him in the face.

"OW! Sokka, what was that-." Suddenly, Katara's fist hit Aang's face.

The monk held his hands over his head as he jumped back. "Guys! What are you-?" A chunk of stone struck his gut and he fell over.

As Aang lay on the ground squirming, his three friends stood over him and glared.

"WE'RE IN THE $%^-ING FIRE NATION AND YOU'RE PLAYING IN SCHOOL WITHOUT TELLING US!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With a dark sky hanging above the large prison in the Fire Nation capital city, a male guard stood outside the cell that belonged to the former General Iroh. Suddenly, the man heard light footsteps and clutched his spear as he spun around and spotted a figure wearing a red cloak walking down the hallway. "You again? Stop where you are!"<p>

When the figure raised his head and revealed his scarred face, the guard staggered back. "Prince Zuko?"

Ozai's son snatched the man by the collar and flung him against a wall with one hand. "I'm going in for a visit. You're going to stand guard here. And _no one_ is going to know about this. So make sure the other guards don't interfere when they get back from whatever break they're on."

The guard cringed. "Uh, actually, my prince, I'm the only guard stationed here."

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

The man nodded.

"So the powerful Dragon of the West, former greatest general of all time and one of the most dangerous fire benders in the world only has one lone guard keeping watch on his cell?"

The prison guard nodded.

The scarred teen pushed his palm against his forehead. "Oh, Agni…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the headmaster's office of the school Aang attended, Sokka, wearing Fire Nation clothes and a fake beard, sat on one side of the Avatar while Katara, in a red dress and with padding under her belly, sat on the other side of the monk. Across from the three youths and behind a desk, the headmaster himself folded his hands and cleared his throat.<p>

"I would like to begin this meeting by letting you know that my assessment of your son's behavior will be 100% accurate. Even though I never learned how to distinguish the difference between the physiology of a full grown adult vs. that of a teenager who has yet to pass through puberty, which is well-established in everyone's mind as different. None the less, I can still assure you that my report on his behavior will be the truth, Mr. and Mrs…"

Sokka leaned forward. "Fire!" He fiddled with his beard. "Wang Fire! This is my wife, Sapphire!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The headmaster of Aang's school, a young man named Hedei, and three Fire Nation city guards walked up a hill towards a cavern where loud music and laughter blared. The school instructor narrowed his eyes. "It <em>is<em> a dancing party. You did the right thing by telling me, Hedei." The headmaster turned his head around, facing the young man.

Hedei grinned from ear to ear as he bowed. "Anytime, Headmaster, sir."

Inside the cave, several dozen children of the Fire Nation danced and shook their bodies while a chubby boy shook one of his arms in the air. "This is incredible! It's like my inhibitions just disappear!" Suddenly, the music stopped and the boy saw the headmaster standing in the entry way. Immediately, the child and all others tensed as he tucked his head into his uniform. "Ok… They're back again."

Aang, however, continued to dance in front of the paralyzed crowd until he heard the school teacher shouting.

"He's the one we want! The boy with the headband!"

The monk watched the three guards hurry towards him. "Uh oh!" He dashed into the sea of children.

One of the guards ran right after the boy with the headband until he spotted a child with a red cloth tied around his head standing still in the swarm of kids. He grabbed the child's shoulder and turned him around. "Gotcha." However, the child he grabbed possessed darker skin and stood a few inches taller.

"Looking for me?"

The guard raised an eyebrow as the headmaster barked.

"That's not the one… He's here somewhere! Don't let him leave the cave!"

Two city guards stood back-to-back as they scanned the crowd of tense and trembling school children. One spotted a child with a headband on and grabbed the kid by the shoulder, only to find a young girl staring back at him.

"Yes?"

The other guard saw two kids with headbands on and clutched their shoulders, only to see one being too tall and the other pudgy with dark skin.

"Hi there!"

"How we doing?"

The headmaster snarled and bared his teeth as he looked through the cluster of his pupils. He eventually glanced at another child with a red cloth around his head and dashed towards him as the boy ducked. When the school teacher grabbed the little boy and pulled him up, he saw a very short child who lacked several teeth.

"Looking for someone?"

The headmaster and the guards began to tremble as they backed up into each other. Their eyes scanned an entire crowd of school children, all wearing red headbands.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Do you need something?"

"Over hear."

The children completely circled and closed in on the four adults, when one of the guards raised an eyebrow. "Ok, quick question: Where did all of you get headbands from? I mean, did the invite to this party specifically say 'B.Y.' or did that first kid just have, like, 40 headbands lying around?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[STILL IN THE SECOND CHAPTER AND ANOTHER 'HOW ELSE THAT SCENE SHOULD HAVE GONE'! YAYYYY!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>The headmaster of Aang's school, a young man named Hedei, and three Fire Nation city guards walked up a hill towards a cavern where loud music and laughter blared. The school instructor narrowed his eyes. "It <em>is<em> a dancing party. You did the right thing by telling me, Hedei." The headmaster turned his head around, facing the young man.

Hedei grinned from ear to ear as he bowed. "Anytime, Headmaster, sir."

Inside the cave, several dozen children of the Fire Nation danced and shook their bodies while a chubby boy shook one of his arms in the air. "This is incredible! It's like my inhibitions just disappear!" Suddenly, the music stopped and the boy saw the headmaster standing in the entry way. Immediately, the child and all others tensed as he tucked his head into his uniform. "Ok… They're back again."

Aang, however, continued to dance in front of the paralyzed crowd until he heard the school teacher shouting.

"He's the one we want! The boy with the headband!"

The monk watched the three guards hurry towards him. "Uh oh!" He dashed into the sea of children.

One of the guards ran right after the boy with the headband until he spotted a child with a red cloth tied around his head standing still in the swarm of kids. He grabbed the child's shoulder and turned him around. "Gotcha." However, the child he grabbed possessed darker skin and stood a few inches taller.

"Looking for me?"

The guard raised an eyebrow as the headmaster barked.

"That's not the one… He's here somewhere! Don't let him leave the cave!"

Two city guards stood back-to-back as they scanned the crowd of tense and trembling school children. One spotted a child with a headband on and grabbed the kid by the shoulder, only to find a young girl staring back at him.

"Yes?"

The other guard saw two kids with headbands on and clutched their shoulders, only to see one being too tall and the other pudgy with dark skin.

"Hi there!"

"How we doing?"

The headmaster snarled and bared his teeth as he looked through the cluster of his pupils. He eventually glanced at another child with a red cloth around his head and dashed towards him as the boy ducked. When the school teacher grabbed the little boy and pulled him up, he saw a very short child who lacked several teeth.

"Looking for someone?"

The headmaster and the guards began to tremble as they backed up into each other. Their eyes scanned an entire crowd of school children, all wearing red headbands.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Do you need something?"

"Over hear."

The children completely circled and closed in on the four adults, when one of the guards raised an eyebrow. "Wow. You kids sure went from being frozen by fear of us to being completely calm and confident around us rather quickly... You know… As we were manhandling you and you were risking horrible levels of punishment for helping someone who was already in trouble."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As night began to blanket an industrial area of the Fire Nation, Zuko dawned a crimson robe as he walked through an alleyway, lined by large smoke stacks and cawing birds. Soon, he stopped moving and removed his hood as his eyes scanned left and right. Just then, he heard a loud cling and clanging sound and spun his head towards a man with a metal leg and an eye-shaped tattoo on his head. "You're sure you weren't followed?"<p>

The man stayed silent.

"I've heard about you. They say you're good at what you do and even better at keeping secrets… Which probably means I should have used you back when I still had my ship and was banished. I mean, it's not like I didn't use bounty hunters back then. And having one who didn't rely on an animal, whose ability to smell things made about as much sense as a telescope that was useless after a spec of dirt got on it, would have been a big help."

The prince groaned and threw a hand on his hip. "Man… _Really_ should'a used you back then."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, I'm actually impressed by how much I was able to find after watching this one for a third and fourth time through.**

_**Toph: 'Third and fourth time'?**_

**Yeah, the first and second times I watched this, I really didn't get anything out of it. I was worried I'd actually found an episode where nothing ridiculous had happened.**

_**Toph: Well, I'm glad you did. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had any lines in today's chapter.**_

**Ugh… You know, the world doesn't revolve around whether or not you-.**

_**Toph: Yes it does!**_

**You didn't let me finish.**

_**Toph: Doesn't matter. You were about to say that the world doesn't revolve around me or something that happens to me. That is automatically incorrect.**_

…

…

**And I thought Zhao was full of himself.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 3**

**The Painted Lady**


	42. Book 3: Chapter 3

_Alright, boys and girls, today we get to play around with a stuck-in-a-poisoned river village in The Painted Lady. You'll be surprised when you find out how many weird and crazy things SHOULD have Happened in this freaky little town on the edge of nowhere. I know I say this a lot, but no one's going to look at this episode the same way again once I'm done with it._

_Toph: And as an added bonus, we get to take another shot at a spirit._

_You're darn right we do! Time to take that painted witch with capital 'B' down._

_Toph: Oooo… What've you got in store for her? Beaten by a mob? Eaten by a dophin-shark? How 'bout a straight-up choke hold?_

_All of those are wro… Really good ideas and I wish I could do them. However, I have something else in mind that I'm sure everyone will enjoy._

_Toph: Don't see how it could be better than a piranha-whale tearing her bit by bit and then violating her with it's-._

_ROLLING INTRO!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 3**

As Katara, her brother, and her friends found themselves being paddled across a polluted river by a man named 'Doc', the water bender stared out at the village in the middle of the water. "Why do you guys live on the river?"

Doc swung the boat's oar over the children's heads. "Because we're a fishing town." He started paddling past the view of a large Fire Nation refinery. "At least that's how it was before the factory moved in. Army makes their metal there. Moved in a few years ago and started gunking up our river. And now our little village is struggling to survive."

The Water Tribe girl raised an eyebrow. "Aren't their enough fish upstream?"

The old man paddling the boat blinked twice. "What?"

"Upstream. You know, beyond where the factory starts polluting. I mean, the current in this river doesn't seem too strong and the factory's kinda close. So it shouldn't be that hard to just take a few boats half-a-mile or so past where the slime and gunk start to pour in and just fish there."

Doc stared at the young girl. "Wow! That is a _really_ good idea! Why didn't any of us think of it?"

Katara and the others all groaned and slapped their foreheads. "Even in the Fire Nation, Darwinism is our enemy."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>From his slumber upon Appa's foot, the disguised Avatar awoke when his lemur jumped down from the bison's head and landed on his stomach. "What's the matter, buddy?" He watched his pet rodent stare off at a figure dressed in robes and a straw hat with a veil.<p>

Aang squinted, but then his eyes shot open. "It's her!" The boy threw on his headband and waved a hand into the air. "Hello, Painted Lady spirit!"

Hearing her friend's shout, Katara pulled her hair in font of her face and hurried off. However, the air bender simply dashed after her.

After the disguised water bender climbed over a small cliff and began running down the slope, she heard the tattooed monk shouting after her.

"Excuse me! I don't mean to bother you, but my friend's sick and we're on kind of a tight schedule!"

Aang saw the figure in robes continue to flee from him across the river as he cupped his hands over his mouth. "Wait! But I'm the great bridge between your world and mine!"

The monk hastily froze patches of the lake and hopped from one ptch to the next as he continued to chase her. "I know Hei Bai! We're close personal friends!"

The Water Tribe girl continued to flee across the water, leaving a rising cloud of mist in her wake. Under the crescent moon light, she dashed into the town, only to spot her air bending friend's shadow as he sprinted across a roof above her and waved his arms.

"Heyyyyy-! OOF!" The monk ran into a pole as the girl hurried away.

After more running, Sokka's sister reached the opposite bank and breathed heavily as she moved behind a rock. Just as she let out a long sigh, the Avatar slid down from the top of the boulder and hung upside down in front of her. She let out a gasp before snarling.

"My name's Aang." The boy pulled up his headband to reveal his arrow. "I'm the avat-."

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE MOON, AANG!" The water bender ripped off her hat and glared daggers at the air bender.

"K… Katara?"

"Yes, Mr. Stalker! It's me! And next time, I'd really appreciate it if you just took an oh-so-subtle-hint and left someone the $%^ alone when they're _running away from you_!"

"B… but it's only because I thought you were the great Painted Lady…"

Katara threw her hands into the air. "Oh, that makes it better! 'Cause going after someone who's famous completely justifies never leaving them alone when they are very clearly and very obviously trying to get rid of you!" She crossed her arms and glared at the boy. "You're a terrible person, you know that? You kept coming after _me_; this village's one hope for peace!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the morning sun rose, the Avatar laughed as he and his water bending teacher walked away from the now-destroyed Fire Nation factory and towards their campsite. "Haha! Pshew!"<p>

Katara gently furrowed her brow and brought one finger up to her mouth. "Shhh… We don't want to wake Sokka."

However, as the duo stepped past a large rock and into the campsite, they tensed when they saw Sokka standing beside Toph, with both of their arms on their hips and scowls on their faces.

The Water Tribe girl forced a smile. "Hi… Sokka… We were just…" She glanced at the monk, then back at her brother. "…out on a morning walk…"

The warrior narrowed his eyes. "Oh really? '_a morning walk_'?" He held up his sister's sleeping bag and dumped out large clumps of grass before dropping it on the ground.

Katara and Aang stared at the Water Tribe boy, but then lowered their heads as he pointed at his sister.

"I know you're the Painted Lady! I know you've been sneaking out at night! And I know you've been lying about Appa and feeding him purplizing tongue berries!" Sokka pointed at Toph, who stuck out her purple-coated tongue and held up a bag of small, purple fruits.

Momo immediately began eating the fruit in the bag.

"Katara, what you did put our whole mission in jeopardy! Not to mention our lives!"

The water bender raised an eyebrow. "'Our lives'? What are you talking about? Healing some villagers didn't put us in any danger."

Toph pushed the pouch of berries forward as Momo continued to eat from it. "He's talking about these, Sugar-Queen! You had us risking our health by scarfing down two-headed polluted-water fish, when you had a nice supply of not-poisoned, very-edible berries stashed away! So many, in fact, you're able to make Appa sick to his enormous stomach by feeding him a ton of them every night!"

Hakoda's son nodded. "Which begs the question: Where did you get these? I mean, if you had so many, or even any, on you before we got here, the rest of us would have known. After all, you would have had no reason to hide them and would have shown them to us for a snack! If you found them around here, why didn't the villagers know about them and eat them instead of poisoned-water fish? Seriously, I let a lot of weird things slide because of the magic and mystical nature of the world we live in, but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that whatever is in those berries is _not_ as bad for you as fish from a polluted river!

"So, where did they come from, oh-sister-of-mine? Where?"

The Water Tribe girl shrugged. "Don't ask me, I'm not the one who gathered them." She glanced at the boy beside her. "Aang?"

The Avatar chuckled. "You kidding? Something that turns your tongue purple? If I found them, I'd have ate all of 'em in a heartbeat." His eyes then slowly widened. "Toph…?"

The blind girl began breathing irregularly as she shook her head. "It's too hard for me to see on branches. I wouldn't even know they were there." She glanced to her right. "S… Sokka?"

The young warrior turned pale as he shook his head.

All four of the children stared at each other, then at the bag of berries. After a few heartbeats, Toph slowly put the pouch down, pulled Momo off of it, and backed away with everyone else.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>At the edge of the now-pristine river, Katara knelt down and dipped her hands into the crystal-clear water that reflected a crescent moon high in the sky. In the next moment, a glowing mist began to form. As the smoke surrounded her, the water bender glanced up and beheld the visage of a tall woman painted white with red lines on her face.<p>

The Painted Lady smiled at the girl before her. "Thank you…"

The Water Tribe girl threw her hands on her hips and scowled. "Well, I suppose that's the least you can say!"

The spirit blinked twice. "Wh… What?"

"You heard me! What are you? The weakest spirit ever? It takes weeks-to-months to build a factory that size and even longer for it to completely pollute a river this size! Didn't you think to do anything in all that time? How 'bout after it got polluted? Are all of your mystical powers completely useless when the slightest bit of sludge touches the water or are you just pathetic to begin with?"

"Well… I… uh…"

"And even if you were powerless, you can obviously appear in the physical world. Why didn't you try haunting the army as they were building the refinery? Scare them! Taunt them! Do something! By the Moon and Ocean you're pathetic! Why do the people here warship you?"

The Painted Lady shrugged. "Beats me. But I ain't turnin' down a free ride."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, that was a Katara-heavy one.**

_**Toph: Yeah, but I gotta hand it to Sugar-Queen, she did her job well.**_

**Indeed she did, Toph, indeed she did. Still I was hoping to have more fun with this chapter. The Painted Lady was the first spirit I ever noticed that was truly worthless and just a burden to the people who worshiped her. I really did want to pull something else out for this one.**

_**Toph: Aww… Iz Davey-wavy feewing sady-wady? Does he need a huggie-wuggie?**_

**Stop it.**

_**Toph: Here comes the hugging monster…**_

**Don't you dare!**

_**Toph: HUGS FOR DAVE!**_

**Let go of me right now.**

_**Toph: Heh heh… Nope!**_

**I swear, when the time comes for payback for that rock-alanche, I'm gonna revel in it.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 4**

**Sokka's Master**


	43. Book 3: Chapter 4

_Today, we meet Sokka's Master! The great and powerful Piando who-._

_Toph: 'Piand**a**o.'_

_What?_

_Toph: His name is spelled P-I-A-N-D-A-O. You spelled it without the second 'a.'_

_I did?_

_Toph: I have pretty good hearing._

_Um… If you'll excuse me for a second, I have some last-minute editing to do…_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 4**

As the roof of the Fire Nation restaurant shielded the Avatar from the morning sun, the young boy took a trey of food towards a table where his two teachers sat. "These people have no idea how close they were to getting toasted last night."

Toph sighed as the monk took a bite out of his bread. "Yeah… The worst thing about being in disguise is that we don't get the hero worship anymore." She leaned her head against her propped-up arm. "I miss the love."

From the top step of the stone stairs that led to where his friends and sister sat, Sokka raised an eyebrow as big purple slug lay on a plate next to him. "Oh, yeah. Good point, Toph. You guys are true heroes. Because, after all, what could this town full of people who live in the _Fire _Nation, a place where people have the ability to control _fire_, possibly be able to do against that _fire_? Nooooooothing at allllll. Yup, they'd all be doomed if you guys hadn't been there. You know, to put out the _fire_."

Katara glared at him. "You know, sarcasm is easier to swallow after breakfast."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the mid-day sun shining overhead, Aang lay on the floor of a small canyon with his two teachers on either side of him and his bison lying down a few yards away. "What should we do today?"<p>

Toph huffed. "I'm tapped out. I already picked my toes; twice."

The monk glanced at the blind girl as his lemur slid beside him. "'Twice'?'

"The first time's for cleaning. But the second time is for the sweet picking sensation."

Katara lightly flailed her arms. "Sokka's been in charge of the schedule. I'm not sure what we should be doing. I mean, it's not like we have any events coming up that we really need to train for."

The earth bender began picking her nose. "I know what you're saying, Sugar Queen. If we had some kind of big fight with the Fire Nation that we were preparing for, which we believed to be of the utmost importance, we'd definitely be busting our rumps getting ourselves and Aang ready for it."

The air bender sighed. "If only we had something like that to do."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In a vast, lush mountainous region of his village, Piandao led his blindfolded student through a field of tall grass. "Landscape painting teaches a warrior to hold the lay of the land in his mind." The swordsman stopped the boy and turned him around. "In battle,…" he yanked Sokka's blindfold off, "…you only have an instant to take everything in."<p>

The Water Tribe boy rubbed his eyes and then opened them. They nearly bulged out of their sockets as he took in the sight of a waterfall pouring down the middle of a valley covered in vegetation.

A second later, Piandao grabbed his pupil's head and spun it around. He then pushed the boy down on his butt and in front of a blank parchment, a paintbrush, and some shades of paint. "Now paint it!"

The young warrior stared at the white paper and then turned his head around. But his master grabbed him by the scalp and spun him back to the canvas.

"And no peaking."

The boy frowned, but then smiled as he began to paint.

Some time later, Sokka put down the paint brush. "I'm finished!" He stood up and showed off the painting to his teacher.

Piandao took one glance at the paining of two mountains, a large flower, a grassy field, some birds, and a rainbow. "That's terrible."

The Water Tribe boy slouched as he frowned. "It… it is?"

"Sokka, there's no river in your painting. For Agni's sake you can hear the waterfall right now. How did you not think to draw any form of water in your picture?"

**[It's true, you can hear the waterfall running during the scene.]**

The young warrior lowered his head. "Sorry."

"As you should be. There's a difference between being creative and just being stupid."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With sunlight shining through his doorway, Piandao stood in the main hall of his mansion while his servant stood behind him and his newest student sat before him and in front of his own friends. "Sokka! When you first arrived, you were so unsure. You even seemed down on yourself. But I saw something in you right away. I saw a heart as strong as a lion-turtle and twice as big. And as we trained,…" he took a sheathed sword from his butler, "…it wasn't your skills that impressed me."<p>

The swordsman glanced to the side. "No,… it certainly wasn't your skills."

The Water Tribe boy grimaced.

Piandao then held up the covered blade. "You showed something beyond that." He whipped the long, black broadsword out of its case. "Creativity! Versatility! Intelligence! These are the traits that define a great swordsman!" He re-sheathed the dark weapon and lowered down to one knee as he presented it to his student. "And these are the traits that define you."

Sokka lowered his head as he took his sword and his master continued speaking.

"You told me you didn't know if you were worthy…" the swordsman stood up. "But I believe that you are more worthy than any man I have _ever_ trained!"

Katara's brother looked down at his weapon and then lowered his head. He then lifted his neck only slightly. "I'm sorry, Master, you're wrong. I am not worthy.

"I am not who you think I am. I'm not from the Fire Nation, I'm from the Southern Water Tribe." The warrior heard his friends gasp and cringe. "I lied so I could learn swordsmanship from you." He presented the sword back to his teacher. "I'm sorry."

Piandao glared at the boy. "I'm sorry too." He then whipped at his own sword and swung it at Sokka's head.

The Water Tribe boy gritted his teeth as he flung his neck back and dogged the blade. He then used his out his own sheathed sword to block his master's thrust.

Aang, Katara, and Toph clenched their fists and sprung to their feet. However, Sokka held out an arm as he glared at his teacher.

"No. This is my fight. Alone."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "Um, Sokka… You do realize that you are about to take on a legendary master swordsman by using a sword, right? You also realize that he is the one who trained you, for only two days, and knows what you can do, right? Finally, there's the fact that you're about to fight him in his home. Keep in mind, you told us that he placed a lot of emphasis on knowing your terrain and being able to manipulate it. There's a very good chance he could be blind, drunk on cactus juice, suffering from a concussion, and still know every crack and bump in this house. You take him on alone, you will die."

The blind earth bender stomped her foot and pulled a chunk of stone out of the mansion's floor. "So how's 'bout showing some of that 'intelligence that defines you' and letting us help so we have a chance of making it out in one piece?"

The young warrior blinked twice. "Wow… Those are all _really_ good points. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking, gimmie a hand, guys."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I thought this one would be more Sokka-heavy. Oh well, I'm still pleased with how it turned out. I'm not liking how short it was, though. But, whatcha gonna do?**

_**Toph: Make that announcement you were talking about?**_

**The announcement? Oh yeah! Almost forgot about that.**

**Ok, guys, listen up: After completing all my testing and research, I've determined that the final scene of the finale is going to completely change how you watch AtLA forever. Yes, yes, I say that quite a bit, but I'm not talking about just one episode or one character. I am being serious when I say that it will screw with everything you thought you knew about Avatar the Last Airbender. Even if you believe there is some fault in my reasoning or have some shred of evidence that proves me wrong, there will still be too much about too much for you to watch the show the same way.**

**So my advice to you is to find the entire series again and watch it, start to finish, so you can enjoy it in blissfulness one more time. Buy the DVD's, watch it on TV, download the episodes, stream them online, I don't care. Just trust me when I say YOU WILL WANT TO WATCH THE SERIES AGAIN BEFORE YOU READ THE LAST SCENE OF THE FINALE!**

_**Toph: Thank you all for your attention and have a wonderful day.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 5**

**The Beach**


	44. Book 3: Chapter 5

_Today we have The Beach! The episode where Zuko and his friends get in touch with themselves and each other after stepping into the lives of normal teenagers. We also learn that not getting attention from your parents is worse than being put on the front lines of war. In fact, they all complain about attention several times, but not being put in the path of flying rocks, spears, arrows, and sword slashes._

_Toph: Kinda messed up on the priorities pyramid, don't ya' think?_

_Indeed I do, Toph. Indeed I do._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 5**

In the middle of Fire Nation waters, Ty Lee rode a fancy and luxurious boat with her friends as a large otter-turtle pulled the craft. "I'm _so_ excited to spend the weekend on Ember Island! It's gonna be great to hang out on the beach and do nothing!"

Underneath the canopy on the deck of the boat, Zuko sat next to Mai and scowled. "Doing nothing is a waste of time!" He pushed himself up. "We're being sent away on a forced vacation! I feel like a child."

Azula smirked. "Lighten up! So Dad wants to meet with his advisers alone. Despite the fact that he'll want us present and contributing at the war meeting to decide not only what to do on the Day of Black Sun but also when Sozin's Comet arrives, I'm sure this meeting is somehow more important than that."

The aura-seeing acrobat glanced at the princess, blinked twice, and then rubbed the top of her skull. "My head hurts…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under the morning sun, two Fire Nation soldiers sat on the rocky shore of a lake that a waterfall flowed into. As their messenger hawk rested in its cage and their wooden post stood to their side, one of them fanned himself while the other fiddled with sword.<p>

The soldier with the fan sighed. "This has to be the most boring job in the Fire Nation. Nothing ever happens!"

The soldier playing with his bladed weapon sniffed the hilt. Just then, he heard the sound of a boy's scream and jolted up. He spun his head around the moment a pale-skinned boy with blue arrow tattoos fell into the lake along with a white lemur.

Both men dropped to the ground and stared through a lone telescope as the boy played with the rodent on his head.

"Let's go again!" Aang then wore a grin on his face as he leapt two stories at a time up a large, rocky cliff.

Meanwhile, the two soldiers trembled as they lowered the eyepiece and stared at each other.

The first soldier then narrowed his eyes. "The Avatar's alive! We better send a messenger hawk to the fire lord!" He dashed over to their bird's cage and let it climb onto his arm.

The bird of prey let out a small cry as the guard put a rolled-up parchment, tied with a black ribbon, onto the small pack on its back.

As the hawk then flew off, the second guard squeezed his hands into fists and smiled. "A black-ribbon message! This is so exciting!" He let out a laugh as he shook his arms up and down.

The first soldier watched his friend and raised an eyebrow. "Ok… But what should we do if nothing happens?"

"What do you mean 'if nothing happens'? That's a black-ribbon directly for the fire lord himself!"

"Well, yeah. But suppose, two or three weeks from now, we hear no news of a search or aren't contacted by anyone to find out which way the Avatar went. What should we do if that happens?"

"Hmmm…" The second soldier rubbed his chin. "I say, we do nothing!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Chan's house, as dozens of teenagers in red, black, and gold outfits helped themselves to food and drinks, several cast their eyes back and forth between the host, his best friend Ruon Jian, and the party-goer with the thick scar over his left eye.<p>

"Alright…" A young man with dark hair sighed as he sipped a drink. "… I can see Chan and Ruon being so completely clueless about this, but certainly I am not the only person at this party of teenagers, all of whom logically are from wealthy, successful, and connected families, who knows who that_ guy_, who was recently made a hero of the entire Fire Nation, is."

A few teenagers nodded.

"Nope. I recognize him too."

"Yup. Without a doubt."

"Couldn't miss it if my life depended on it."

"If someone talked about this party and told it so that no one realized it, that'd be the equivalent of writing a story with a major plot hole."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Chan and Ruon Jian's party continued, a group of boys standing around Ty Lee began talking to one another.<p>

"So how do you know Ty Lee?"

"I met her at the beach today. She was pretty impressed by a sand pagoda that I made for her."

Another boy glared at the other two. "Well I met her first!"

The acrobat then shirked back as the three boys and two more leaned in close and cornered her. "Look, it doesn't matter who I met first, 'cause I like you all."

One the boys raised an eyebrow. "But which one of us do you _like_?"

The others continued to stare at the girl. "Yeah."

"Tell us."

Ty Lee waved her hands. "I don't know! I don't know!" She then closed her eyes and threw her arms and legs out in random directions, each attack striking a different boy in a different spot.

When the aura-seer opened her eyes, she saw all five young men fall to the ground. She began to cartwheel away, but froze when someone began shouting.

"Hey! That girl just punched all those guys for no reason!"

"Yeah, I saw it too! I mean, sure they were crowding her, but she never once asked them to back up! She just went to violence immediately! Kick her outta here!"

"We don't want her in our party!"

"And someone get those guys some ice!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[I just want to take this time to say that the following scene is one of the first I ever came up with. Even before I started putting fingers to keyboard or before I thought about doing this satire at all, this scene was going through my head.<strong>

**I normally don't ask or beg for reviews, but because this one's special to me, I'd really like to know what you guys think of it.]]**

* * *

><p>After Zuko put a few pieces of seafood into a dish, the scarred teen walked across the room and through a crowd of teenagers. Halfway through the clutter of people, a boy carelessly threw his arm back and knocked the bowl out of prince's hand. The other kid simply stared and the fallen plate as Zuko glared him right in the eye. "Hey, watch it! That food was for my cranky girlfriend!" He pointed at the couch where Mai sat. However, when Azula's brother saw the other boy's eyes widen, he turned his head and saw Ruon Jian leaning against a wall and chatting with his girlfriend.<p>

The prince barely saw the other boy smile as he dashed towards the part host and jerked him away from Mai.

Ruon Jian staggered before regaining his balance and fixed his hair as he narrowed his eyes at the scarred teen. "What are you doing?"

Zuko narrowed his eyes right back. "Stop talking to my girlfriend!"

The host calmly stepped towards the other boy. "Relax. It's just a party."

In a heartbeat, Ozai's son extended his arm forward and then flicked his elbow, shooting his palm into Ruon Jian's chest. The impact sent the party host flying ten yards across the room and crashing through an enormous vase.

A second later, Mai jumped out of her seat and grabbed her boyfriend's shoulder. "Zuko! Oh by the spirits!" She gave his muscles a light squeeze. "With just the lightest motion, you flung someone who has to weigh at least 135 lbs over twenty feet away! How on Earth are you that strong?"

As his girlfriend continued to stroke his arm, Zuko smirked. "Impressed?"

"Actually, yeah." Mai smiled. "How is it even possible to have that much strength just those few muscles?"

"It's actually not that surprising to me. And to understand why, you'll have to remember how I had to turn on my uncle back in Ba Sing Se."

"Uh huh… Ok, I remember."

The prince began making a few small gestures with his arms. "Well, for awhile now, I've had a few sleepless nights and I've passed the time imagining different outcomes for that day: If Uncle had joined with us. Or if the Dai Lee hadn't shown up when they did. And, of course, what if I _had_ sided with the Avatar?

"At first they were just small little ideas about the immediate outcome: Uncle's a hero with me and Azula. Maybe Uncle could've escaped capture after the Avatar was defeated. The Earth King might still have Ba Sing Se. Stuff like that; nothing too deep and provoking.

"But as the sleepless nights dragged on and on, the small little ideas became big, complex thoughts about all the different series of events that would and could have happened afterwards. You know: Who would be doing this or that, who would be here or there, all the different ways these people might get along with those people, and so on and so forth."

The scarred teen closed his eyes and chuckled. "Well, thing is, every time I thought about me siding with the Avatar, I would always come to the realization that his water bending teacher would start liking me. And each time I went through that version of the story, the amount of 'liking me' went up and up.

"Anyway, to answer your question, I got to this one version of me siding with the Avatar that ended with her liking me in such an _amazing _way that, for two weeks, I just couldn't stop masturba…!" Zuko's eyes shot open as he left his mouth hanging in front of his girlfriend, who slowly furrowed her brow.

The prince gritted his teeth. "masturbaaaaaa…"

Mai crossed her arms.

"masturbaaaaaaa…"

The knife-wielder cracked her knuckles.

"masturbaaaaaa… ehhh…

"Bae Ru Sho! Yeah, that's it! Mast_e_r Bae Ru Sho! Couldn't stop Master Bae Ru Sho from training me! I had to go see Master Bae Ru Sho every day and you know how he is with pure physical exercises right I mean of course you do everyone does that's what he's famous for and you know how much he loves pull-ups!" Zuko threw his hands up in the air and pulled them down again and again. "Just day in day out! ONE! TWO! ONE! TWO! ONE! Two!... One… Two… one…"

The scarred prince groaned and dropped his arms. "I just went from amazing sex for a year to the rabbit-dog house in thirty seconds, didn't I?"

Mai glared at him. "Yeah! You did!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the man with the eye tattoo on his forehead stomped through the canyon of grey pillars, Aang stood motionless inside of one of the stone protrusions as he heard his attacker walk past. Then, when the man with the metal arm and leg stopped walking and turned towards the boy, the monk, covered in stone armor, sprung out of the rock and jumped on the man's head.<p>

The man immediately shot a beam of compressed, super heated air that exploded. However, the Avatar's armor managed to hold as the force of the blast launched the tattooed boy into the air.

The air bender then discarded his stone protection and let it fall as his friends and sky bison flew underneath him. He then dropped onto the flying beast's saddle where the water tribe girl threw her arms around him. "I'm ok…"

Toph waited for Aang to catch his breath. "Well that was random."

Katara lowered her hands. "I don't think so. I get the feeling he knows who we are."

From Appa's head, Sokka glanced at his sister. "Wow. Brilliant deduction, Katara. Did you realize that because he saw Aang's arrows or because of the ten-ton bison that we're flying on?"

The water bender huffed. "Shut up."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under the night sky and around a campfire, Mai leaned against a rock as her friends sat in a circle and the ocean crashed against the sandy shore. "What do you want from me? You wanna teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well it wasn't. I was a rich, only child who got anything I wanted. As long as I behaved." She stared up at the clouds. "And sat still… And didn't speak unless spoken to… My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about."<p>

Azula wore a smug grin. "Well that's it then. You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them you were shut down." She extended her hand. "That's why you're afraid to care about anything." She crossed her arms. "And why you can't express yourself."

The knife-wielder quickly sat up. "You want me to express myself?" She stood. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Zuko glanced at the sand and then back at Mai. "I like it when you express yourself." He reached towards her, but she swatted his hand away.

"Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you!"

The prince watched his girlfriend sit back down. "My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai!"

"Whatever! That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting!"

Azula's brother blinked twice. "'The way I've been acting'? Do you mean my 'acting' before or after I thought the seashell was a nice gift or when I got you ice cream or when we played volleyball or when I was ok with you barking at me to get you food back at the party or do you mean that one time I got a little possessive and aggravated when Ruon was hitting on you and I thought you were ok with it?"

Mai stared back at her boyfriend and then gritted her teeth. "Wow. You're right. I've been an %##-hole about everything. Sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>[[But that scene isn't over yet, folks. Because Ember Island washes away the edges and cracks and… <strong>

**Here's the scene in another funny way.]]**

* * *

><p>Under the night sky and around a campfire, Mai leaned against a rock as her friends sat in a circle and the oceancrashed against the sandy shore. "What do you want from me? You wanna teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well it wasn't. I was a rich, only child who got anything I wanted. As long as I behaved." She stared up at the clouds. "And sat still… And didn't speak unless spoken to… My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about."<p>

Azula wore a smug grin. "Well that's it then. You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them you were shut down." She extended her hand. "That's why you're afraid to care about anything." She crossed her arms. "And why you can't express yourself."

The knife-wielder quickly sat up. "You want me to express myself?" She stood. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Zuko glanced at the sand and then back at Mai. "I like it when you express yourself." He reached towards her, but she swatted his hand away.

"Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you!"

The prince watched his girlfriend sit back down. "My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai!"

"Whatever! That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting!"

Ty Lee looked on at her friends. "Calm down, you guys! This much negative energy is bad for your skin, you'll totally break out."

Azula raised an eyebrow. "'Break out'? What's 'break out'?"

"You know: pimples."

Azula shook her head.

"Acne?"

Zuko shook his head.

"Zits?"

Mai shook her

The princess rubbed her chin. "Ty Lee, maybe it would clarify things if you explained what you're talking about. For instance: name someone who has these 'pimples' so we can picture what they are."

The acrobat nodded. "Sure thing. There's the… um…" She scratched her head. "I think… no. Did she have any pimples…? No, not her. How about… No, he didn't either…"

The aura-seer shrugged. "Actually, now that I think about it, no one has acne. I don't know what I was thinking about."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Azula, her brother, and her friends stood in front of the burning and crumbled wreckage of Chan's house, the princess of the Fire Nation smiled. "I think we've all learned an important lesson today: Even if you eventually become a better person because of an insignificant and tiny slight against you by someone who doesn't matter to you, the only thing that can make it right is to get revenge on them in a physical way. Regardless of if they look to your family for protection and security or not."<p>

Mai nodded. "And don't let the fact that you're ruining the fun of and endangering innocent bystanders stop you."

Zuko put his hands on his hips. "Even if something you did to them in their home, like physically assaulting them, completely warranted that slight against you."

Ty Lee stood between her friends and put her arms around all their shoulders. "And if they were trying to be nice to you first by inviting you to their party, don't let it get to you. It's their own fault."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Avatar the Last Airbender: It's a show for children,**

**Seriously, Mike and Bryan, this is twice now in a kids show that you make physical revenge a justifiable response to a quip some random person made. Are there some bullying issues you guys need to work out with a therapist? If so, I may be able to recommend one.**

_**Toph: They aren't completely for revenge. Remember Yon Rha? Revenge is only bad if someone killed your family.**_

**I worry about what those two are teaching their own kids. "Children, I know this is hard to hear, but I want you to promise me that if anyone kills me or your mother, you won't spend your lives trying to get vengeance. No amount of pain or suffering you inflict on them will bring us back. Do you understand? Good. BUT IF THEY CALL YOU 'FAT', BEAT THE #`*& OUT OF THEM!"**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 6**

**The Avatar and the Firelord**


	45. Book 3: Chapter 6

_Happy Friday, everyone. How would we all like to celebrate this festive occasion with the story of Avatar Roku and Fire Lord Sozin?_

_Toph: Does my life depend on it?_

_No, but our paychecks do._

_Toph: Oh yeah, that's ri-. Wait! You're getting paid?_

_Um… Uh… As I was saying… In this wonderful tale, we learn that the troubled Prince Zuko is related to Roku! That friendships can last lifetimes! That nothing can break the mighty bond of-!_

_Toph: How long have you been getting paid while I haven't?_

_Please, Toph! We have the beginning comments to do. Now, as I was saying: The war within one's self can be-._

_Toph: There's gonna be a fist within a certain one's skull if he doesn't answer me!_

_Oh, we're doing threats now? 'Cause I don't know how you could win when you're only as tall as piece of dirt._

_Toph: That's it! Let's go!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 6**

Roku appeared behind a wall of fire in Aang's dream and stared at the boy. "Aang, it's time you learned my history with Fire Lord Sozin. You need to understand how the war began if you want to know how to end it." He showed the monk an image of a lifeless piece of land in the middle of an ocean. "Meet me on my home island on the day of the summer solstice."

In his sleep, the current Avatar stirred. "Ok, Roku… But I gotta ask: You seem to be very easily able to communicate with me through my dreams like this. And there was all that stuff you told me back when that Earth Kingdom general wanted to force me into the avatar state. Plus, that illusion thing you did with Jeong Jeong. So what do you actually need the solstice for that you can't tell me now?"

The old fire bender gritted his teeth. "Well… I… uh… WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?" He pointed behind the boy.

The monk scowled. "Did you _really_ think I was going to fall for that?"

"Er… Worth a shot."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, above the Dragon-Bone Catacombs, Prince Zuko wore a thick, red cloak as he hid behind a pillar and watched a fire sage use his bending to open a circular doorway in the floor. He observed the sage pass through the entry way and down a spiral flight of stairs before the door closed and the scarred teen resumed standing behind the stone column.<p>

Several hours past before Ozai's son stepped out from his hiding spot and stepped towards the doorway. Then, just as he prepared his bending, he blinked twice. "Why did I just wait so long? Why did I wait at all? I'm the crown prince! If I want to go into the catacombs, who are the fire sages to tell me 'no'?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the Spirit World, Aang and his past life flew on the back of a dragon through the clouds of the former avatar's memory. "Hey, we're almost at the Southern Air Temple!"<p>

Roku sat solemnly on the flying beast. "This was the first stop on my avatar journey. It was the place I was trained to master air bending. And also where I met-."

"Um, Roku?"

"Yes, Aang?"

"The Fire Nation is in the West of the world, right?"

"Well, yes. Yes, it is."

"And there's an air temple in the West, the Western Air Temple, right?"

"Of course. You know that."

"So why did you go to the one in the South when the one in the West was closer? And we're talking several hundred miles closer."

Roku kept his arms crossed. "Because the Western one was full of girls; and they had cooties!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang watched as his former incarnation showed a vision of him in his late-twenties standing on an empty coast. The monk watched as the previous avatar created a huge wave from the water, a ripple of protruding earth, a tornado of air, and a blast of fire. However, in the next moment, the air bender raised an eyebrow at his past life. "Roku, you can show me any scene from your life, correct?"<p>

The deceased fire bender nodded. "Correct, is there any particular instance you had in mind?"

"Yes, there is." Aang crossed his arms and glared at the older bender. "The one from a couple months ago when that Earth Kingdom general was trying to force me into the avatar state and you _didn't_ show me how you learned to control it!"

"Oh… um… well… uh…" Roku cringed and scratched the back of his head. "Moving on to when I returned to the Fire Nation…"

"Roku…!"

"What's that? Can't hear you Aang. Too busy showing you what happened next in my life."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Roku smiled as he showed his reincarnation the vision of when he returned to the Fire Nation and entered the thrown room of the palace.<p>

Roku's twenty-eight year old self walked towards his old friend with a grin. "Sozin! Or should I say: Fire Lord."

Sozin sat on the throne with the statue of a gold dragon above him as he glared at the avatar of his time. "Customarily, my subjects bow before greeting me." He watched Roku freeze as he stepped off the throne and approached his old friend. "But you're the exception!" The fire lord smiled as he and Roku exchanged a hug.

Several yards away, the real Roku stood beside the current avatar and watched the scene unfold. "After all these years, he was still my best friend…" A flash of light appeared and then dimmed to reveal a ceremony decorated by red and gold along with hundreds of candles. Dozens of people gathered around small, circular tables and in front of a stage where Roku, a woman with bushy brown hair, and Sozin stood; along with several fire sages.

"… and a few months later, he was my best man."

Aang watched as the former fire lord folded up a piece of parchment and exchanged a bow with the old avatar. He then saw his former incarnation lift the veil that covered the woman's face. "Roku! It's that girl who didn't even know you were alive."

Roku smiled. "Ta Min. I was persistent." He watched himself and his wife turn to the crowd and bow and the audience applauded. "When love is real, it finds a way. And being the avatar doesn't hurt your chances with the ladies either; 'though it does make the relationship extremely shallow and superficial."

The monk blinked twice. "What?"

"Weren't you paying attention? Ta Min didn't know I existed for the longest time. Then I come back, 12 years later, as a fully-realized avatar, and it only takes a few months for her to marry me. What part of that sounded like 'deep understanding of each other and helping one-another grow'?"

"But, you said that if love was real, it'd find a way."

"Yes. And I _loved_ tappin' that sweet, sweet boot-!"

Aang threw his fingers in his ears. "MOVING ON FROM THE INTIMATE MOMENTS OF MY PAST LIFE!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The current avatar watched his former incarnation use his air bending against the giant clouds that arose from the volcano and earth bending against the avalanche of stone that fell from the peak. As the events played out, the Air Nomad raised an eyebrow. "Roku, after you stopped the initial wave of soot and storm of rocks, why didn't you just jump on a boat along with everyone else, create a large wave, and ride it away from the island, thus leaving no reason to have to stay and diffuse the entire situation?"<p>

The fire bending avatar felt his eyes bulge out just before he slapped his forehead. "Spirits, I'm a dumb-%##..."

* * *

><p><strong>[[You'd think that in the Fire Nation people'd have some idea of how to deal with a volcano.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>The current avatar watched his former incarnation use his air bending against the giant clouds that arose from the volcano and earth bending against the avalanche of stone that fell from the peak. As the events played out, the Air Nomad raised an eyebrow. "Roku, why wasn't your first instinct to use any amount of water to try and cool the volcano?"<p>

The fire bending avatar stared at the boy. He then looked down at the island from his memories. Then he glanced back to the child. "Don't be stupid, Aang, where was I going to find a large source of water on that small island?"

The air bending avatar felt his eyes bulge out just before he slapped his forehead. "Spirits, you're a dumb-%##..."

* * *

><p><strong>[[In reference to the previous statement: They have no idea.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>The current avatar watched his former incarnation use his air bending against the giant clouds that arose from the volcano and earth bending against the avalanche of stone that fell from the peak. As the events played out, the Air Nomad raised an eyebrow. "Roku, why are you having so much trouble beating this volcano anyway?"<p>

The previous avatar snarled. "Uh, 'cause it's a volcano. It's not like there's a way to thwart one that's so simple, a very-inexperienced child could find it simply on accident!"

"Well, actually, there was this time at a fortune-teller's village where I…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the volcano shook and lightening flashed, the young monk watched Roku and Sozin leap off the peak of the lava-filled mountain and dash down its slope. He then heard his previous incarnation shouting as he air bent smoke away.<p>

"Don't breathe the toxic gas!"

The two elder fire benders covered their mouths as they ducked and weaved through blasts of erupting smog. Just then, a jet of black fumes exploded right under the fire bending avatar's feet and shot its poisonous contents into his throat.

The air bending avatar watched his past life cough and stagger.

"It's… too much…!"

Roku collapsed onto the hard ground and hold out his arm to Sozin. "Please…"

The old fire lord simply stood and glared at his childhood friend. "Without you, all my plans are suddenly possible." He raised a fist. "I have a vision for the future, Roku."

Sozin's dragon flew towards its master and waited as he climbed on its back and exchanged a glare with his former acquaintance. Then it took off as the volcano erupted once again.

Aang's jaw dropped as he watched the fire lord abandon Roku as wave of ash and toxic gas sped down the mountainside. However, the monk smiled when he saw the fire bender's dragon hurry towards its master. "Alright! Feng grabbed you and, with the few seconds you have until the smog hits you, he flew away at the last-!"

The dragon dashed to the ground, stopped, curled around its master, and sat there as the soot buried the two of them alive.

"Nevermind…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko stormed into his uncle's cell and slammed the door shut. "You sent this! Didn't you? I found the secret history, which, by the way, should be renamed 'The History Most People Already Know!' The note said I needed to know about my great grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end!"<p>

Iroh looked up at his nephew. "No, he wasn't."

The prince stared at the old fire bender. "What are you talking about?"

"You have more than one great grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was you father's grandfather. Your _mother's_ grandfather was Avatar Roku."

The scarred teen's eyes shot open as his whole body cringed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself."

"That's not what I meant, Uncle!"

Iroh raised an eyebrow. "Then what did you mean?"

"I'm supposed to have _four_ great grandfathers! I know that Roku and Sozin were probably the more important ones, but you're talking like I only have two! And the only way I could have two is if a few people who were born with the same last name did the horizontal happy dance!" Zuko threw his hands into the air. "I think I could have gone my whole life without knowing I'm half-inbred!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Anyone in the mood for popcorn? If so, start making it now. We're gonna be here for a while.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko stormed into his uncle's cell and slammed the door shut. "You sent this! Didn't you? I found the secret history, which, by the way, should be renamed 'The History Most People Already Know!' The note said I needed to know about my great grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end!"<p>

Iroh looked up at his nephew. "No, he wasn't."

The prince stared at the old fire bender. "What are you talking about?"

"You have more than one great grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was you father's grandfather. Your _mother's_ grandfather was Avatar Roku."

The scarred teen's eyes shot open as his whole body cringed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself." The former general watched the boy collapse to his knees and burry his face in his hands. "Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature; your legacy."

The old fire bender shrugged. "I mean, until you decide to join the Avatar and his friends. Then the war inside you is over forever."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Feel free to ask someone to drive to the store and get you a soda while you're at it. Don't worry, you've got time.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko stormed into his uncle's cell and slammed the door shut. "You sent this! Didn't you? I found the secret history, which, by the way, should be renamed 'The History Most People Already Know!' The note said I needed to know about my great grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end!"<p>

Iroh looked up at his nephew. "No, he wasn't."

The prince stared at the old fire bender. "What are you talking about?"

"You have more than one great grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was you father's grandfather. Your _mother's_ grandfather was Avatar Roku."

The scarred teen's eyes shot open as his whole body cringed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself." The former general watched the boy collapse to his knees and burry his face in his hands. "Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature; your legacy."

Just then, the prince's head perked up. "Question!"

"Um… What is it?"

"Shouldn't the evil be significantly diluted by now? I mean, we've all seen the prisons for both benders and non-benders as well as the towns and cities that the Fire Nation has taken over. We don't mass-murder our enemies just because of race anymore and none of the Earth Kingdom citizens we rule over seem malnourished or abused. Even _if _Sozin was a world-destruction kind of guy, the Fire Nation's policy is less that and more simple imperialistic take over and replacing the rulers. Not too much evil there. 'Specially when you consider the strong possibility that all the peoples of the four nations didn't just wake up one day and decide to be their separate nations. I'm guessing that, with the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom, someone had to conquer and unite the continents."

"But think about all the things Sozin did, my nephew!"

"I understand that! And I'm not defending him! But that doesn't change the fact that, there just isn't that much wrong-doing anymore. So shouldn't the evil be much, much weaker?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[That popcorn should be done by now. Start enjoying it. Get some salt if you need to.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko stormed into his uncle's cell and slammed the door shut. "You sent this! Didn't you? I found the secret history, which, by the way, should be renamed 'The History Most People Already Know!' The note said I needed to know about my great grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end!"<p>

Iroh looked up at his nephew. "No, he wasn't."

The prince stared at the old fire bender. "What are you talking about?"

"You have more than one great grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was you father's grandfather. Your _mother's_ grandfather was Avatar Roku."

The scarred teen's eyes shot open as his whole body cringed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself." The former general watched the boy collapse to his knees and burry his face in his hands. "Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature; your legacy.

"But, there is a bright side."

Zuko quickly lifted his head but kept his glare.

"What happened generations ago can be resolved now, _by you._ Because of _your_ legacy, you alone can cleanse the sins of our family and the Fire Nation even though Azula has the exact same heritage and could, therefore, do it as well if the spirits wanted."

The prince's raised an eyebrow. "Wait! What?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[You may have to chug that soda. This is <em>finally<em> the last one.]]**

* * *

><p>Zuko stormed into his uncle's cell and slammed the door shut. "You sent this! Didn't you? I found the secret history, which, by the way, should be renamed 'The History Most People Already Know!' The note said I needed to know about my great grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end!"<p>

Iroh looked up at his nephew. "No, he wasn't."

The prince stared at the old fire bender. "What are you talking about?"

"You have more than one great grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was you father's grandfather. Your _mother's_ grandfather was Avatar Roku."

The scarred teen's eyes shot open as his whole body cringed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself." The former general watched the boy collapse to his knees and burry his face in his hands. "Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature; your legacy."

"But, there is a bright side."

Zuko quickly lifted his head but kept his glare.

"What happened generations ago can be resolved now, _by you._ Because of _your_ legacy, you alone can cleanse the sins of our family and the Fire Nation. Born in you, along with all the strife, is the power to restore _balance_ to the world."

Iroh took a deep breath and stood. "What I'm saying, nephew, is that the spirits intentionally $%^-ed up your life so that you could make up for the mistakes other people made. Mistakes which the spirits, with all their super powers, could've easily fixed at any point."

The prince bared his teeth. "WHAT?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun rose and the bald monk sat on a rock that lay on a cliff of Roku's former island, Katara listened along with her brother and blind friend as the Avatar told them about his vision. When he concluded his story, the water bender let out a small gasp. "You mean after all Roku and Sozin went through together, even after Roku showed him mercy; which was after he left Sozin completely humiliated by leaving him hung up by his robe on a pillar of stone and looking like a kid who got a bad wedgie by a school bully and he no doubt had to get his servants to get him down from there, furthering a humiliation he probably would never live down, all of which happened after Roku probably killed a few dozen of those servants by leveling the palace and Sozin was powerless to retaliate and avenge the people who worked for him; Sozin <em>betrayed<em> him like that?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there… ow, my rib cage… we have what is, as of now, the longest chapter I have written for Book 3. What a chapter too! … Crap. Shouting hurts my shoulder… Honestly, who thought Roku, the mighty and wise avatar of generation's past, would be missing out on that 'wise' part?**

_**Toph: Roku was your … erg… stomach still feels like death… problem? How about the 200 things wrong with what Iroh did? … I think my knee is still dislocated…**_

… **I thought you said you fixed your knees… Besides, what he did is still far from what Iroh's end game is. Believe me, what he's doing here is N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to what he's got in store. …And speaking of stores… I need to go buy some morphine…**

_**Toph: Wow… Hey, can you pick me up some too? My still feels skull like throbbing it's…**_

…**Sure… And on this …painful… note, I'd like to remind all of our readers to watch the entire series over again before I get to Sozin's Comet. The final scene is going to change everything you know about the series forever. … Now, if you'll excuse me, I appear to be bleeding profusely...**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 7**

**The Runaway**


	46. Book 3: Chapter 7

_Today we go deep into the world of The Runaway and an episode that deals with Toph's-._

_Toph: Woo hoo! Me-centric-chapter!_

_Um… About your insecurities about your parents…_

_Toph: Tsk. Like I care. This episode is all about me. It could be about my body odor and I wouldn't give two spits. But here I get to gamble and scam and deceive and con! Oh, what a glorious, glorious chapter!_

_Also, your friends almost get killed by the three-eyed Fire Nation assassin._

_Toph: Psssh... Details._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 7**

As the morning sun shined onto a town somewhere in the Fire Nation and smoke stacks rose from the roofs of random buildings. Aang led Sokka and Toph down a walk way that overlooked a stone alleyway. The monk then glanced at his friends and held up a small silver pentagon with a flam engraved on it. "So, guys, what are we gonna get with our last silver piece?"

The boys kept walking as Toph stopped in her tracks. "We can get more money." She felt the warrior and Avatar stop and turn around as she pointed towards the alley below. "Right there!" She aimed her finger at a man with a white headband who sat at a table and moved a pebble underneath shells as other men sat and stood around him.

The earth bender and her friends went down into the stone passage way as a man put a coin on the table and the man with the headband lifted up the shells to display a pebble. Then, the man with the headband put all three shells down, one on top of the pebble, and began moving them around.

Toph smirked. "This is where you seeing people are at a disadvantage. Everyone guesses wrong because the dealer moves the rock at the last minute. But I can feel it with my earth bending."

Sokka smiled. "Oh, I get it. So you play the game, with him thinking your helpless and you signal us when he's cheating. Then, Aang and I point it out and when everyone else is beating the snot out of him for conning them, we take all his money."

The blind girl blinked twice. "Wow. I was thinking of just getting one or two bags of coins by cheating him. But yeah, let's do that instead."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Toph, Aang, and Sokka traveled the Fire Nation town to one gamer after the next. First, in the stone alleyway, the earth bender bent stick-shaped dice so they each showed three circles instead of X's.<p>

Next, at a carnival, the blind girl approached a game using a large mallet and a lever to knock a metal ball up and ring a bell. When she first grabbed the enormous hammer, she hobbled and bounced and let the sledge hammer's weight carry her backwards. As the crowd around her as well as the game organizer laughed, Toph smirked and bent a quick-striking rock out the ground that shot the mallet up. Then, as the rock sunk back into the dirt, the hammer struck at the lever at incredible speeds, shooting the metal up and threw the bell, into the sky.

Everyone around the girl dropped their jaws as she simply took a chest from the game organizer's hands and walked away. Then the metal ball crashed into a tent and collapsed it.

A few hours later, Toph stood behind a stone wall beside a road as a moose-horse pulled a fancy carriage. The well-dressed man inside the carriage lifted the lid off a porcelain cup. Then, as the wagon went past Toph's hiding spot, the blind girl stepped out of her hiding spot and pulled a thick rock out of the road that jerked the vehicle to a halt.

The man inside spilled his cup suddenly and poked his head out the window and saw a small girl lying motionless in the road next to his wagon. Immediately, he darted out of the carriage and away from the scene.

The moment Sokka saw the fancy-dressed man running towards him, he slid out from behind a wall, wearing a fake beard and a city-guard's uniform. The disguised warrior stared at the wealthy man and then pointed to Toph as she remained still on the road.

The carriage owner made frantic motions with his arms and cried as he knelt down in front of the man he believed to be a law enforcer. Then he put a bag of coins into his folded arms. When he saw the person wearing the guard uniform retain the stern look on his face, he placed another bag in his arms. Then another. Then another. Then more and more and more until the man before him grinned and gave him a wink.

Hours later, as Toph and her friends laughed and joked around their campsite, the blind earth bender took a deep breath and smiled. "Man, I sure am glad these people don't suspect the slightest bit of conning when everyone knows that bending exists." Her friends nodded.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>At the Avatar's campsite, as Appa slept on a cliff that overlooked a waterfall and Toph, Aang, Momo, and Sokka sat around their pile of coins, Katara slowly approached.<p>

"Guys, I think these scams have gone far enough. If you keep doing them, something bad is going to happen."

The earth bender groaned and clutched her hair. "Would you, for once, quit being such a sourpuss and lighten up?" She then smiled and tossed the other girl a silver coin.

The Water tribe girl caught the silver piece and glared at it. "Oh, I'm sorry!" She then turned towards the blind girl. "You think I should be more like _you_? Like some wild child?" She whipped the coin onto the ground.

Toph leaned back and grinned as Sokka snagged the loose silver. "Yeah! Maybe. Maybe then you'd see how great we have it. I mean, look at us! We're the last hope for the entire world, which has mostly given up hope because they believe the avatar is dead, and our one chance is an 8-minute window that everything has to be just right for! And the best part is, we have no parents to tell us what to do."

Katara stared at her friend and blinked twice.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Toph lay trapped inside a net, the Fire Nation city guard dragged her into the black and red guard station, lined with a wooden floor. The officer and her prisoner moved passed a metal cell and stopped in front of an open one made of hard timber. Then, with a loud grunt, the guard threw the blind girl into the cell and slammed the door down.<p>

A few moments later, the earth bender crawled out of the net and felt around the floor. "Hey, what kind of cell is this?"

The guard smirked through a space between the bars. "A wooden one."

The blind girl heard the officer walk away. "Oh no, _wood_!" Her eyes bulged. "I can't get free, now! If only this were something soft, like stone or metal! Then I'd be able to get out! Or only if I had some kind of do-or-die attitude that would drive me to try to force my out of here! Why, oh, why don't I have something metal to bend with, like this gold tiara on my head? Why don't I have something like that with me?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the deserted Fire Nation town where Toph and Katara sat in a wooden jail, the three-eyed assassin blasted an empty wagon that Sokka and Aang hid behind. The two boys jumped away moments before the cart exploded.<p>

The Avatar leapt up onto a nearby roof and dashed over it towards the opposite end. However, the man with a metal arm and leg turned and blasted the monk with a beam of pressurized, heated air. Just as Aang jumped off the roof, the assassin's attack exploded behind him and caused him to fly straight into a large metal statue of Fire Lord Ozai.

When the air bender collided with the metal effigy, he slowly closed his eyes and slipped into unconsciousness. As his mind began to turn off, it flashed back to an instant several months ago when he, Sokka, and Katara entered Omashu and slid down their mail carts, achieving speeds well over 60 mph, and colliding with solid rock. The boy's memory then showed all three of them standing up with little more than aches in their body. "Why… isn't my body… as tough anymore…?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Late at night, on the cliff that the Avatar and his friends used as a campsite, Katara held a piece of paper and a quill pen as a small bowl of ink sat beside her. She then looked up and smiled at her blind friend. "Alright, Toph, I'm ready. What do you want me to write to your parents?"<p>

The earth bender wiped away a tear and cleared her throat. "Dear Mom and Dad, it's me, your daughter: Toph. I just want to let you know I'm still alive and doing well. For important reasons, I can't tell you wear I am or who I'm with, but I do want to let you know that despite the fact you literally kept me from having any friends, locked me away from the world, and were going to take it to the point of what some may call child abuse, I still love you and I'm clearly in the wrong for wanting my freedom.

"I'm sorry. Sincerely, Toph."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And Mike and Bryan end this chapter with another wonderful life lesson for kids. "It doesn't matter if your parents keep you locked away from the world, keep you from having friends, building any social life, and basically treating you like a prisoner when you are fully capable of taking care of yourself; if you try to end this kind of emotional abuse, you're in the wrong."**

_**Toph: Dave, ol' buddy, I don't think I've ever agreed with you more. I mean, I'm perfectly willing to listen to my parents' apology, but I'm not the one who needs to make the first step. I've thought long and hard about what I'll do when and if they tell me they're sorry for the way they treated me. But for me to say 'sorry' first would be acknowledging the good of keeping a person locked up when they don't need to be at all. Do parents have the right to be scared and worried about their kids? Absolutely. But do they have the right to keep them a prisoner in their own home forever? Absolutely not!  
><strong>_

**I'm glad to hear that, Toph. And if I may say, that is a very mature way to handle things.**

_**Toph: Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to scam the government of China out of its GDP.**_

**Sigh… Someday, I'll learn.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 8**

**The Puppetmaster**


	47. Cliche April Fools Chapter

_I have decided to discontinue this satire and will be deleting this entire story within the week._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: April Fools! Ha ha! I have tricked you!**


	48. Book 3: Chapter 8

_Oh my spirits, I have waited forever to this chapter! You have no idea how much I am looking forward to rip into bloodbending. As funny as the rest of this is, it's just extra. Seriously, this whole chapter could be just my rip about bloodbending and I'd be fine with that._

_Toph: Hold up. Hold up. Bloodbending? How can you find something funny about bloodbending? It's a horrible violation of will and takes away the last bastion of control a person could ever have._

_And you really think any of that is going to stop me?_

_Toph: Good point._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 8**

With a night sky looming over a thick forest in the middle of the Fire Nation, Toph and her friends sat around a campfire as Katara told a story of her mother's childhood friend. As soon as the water bender finished, the earth bender's eyes shot open as she slapped her hand against the ground. "Wait! Guys, did you hear that?"

All of the blind girl's friends quickly huddled together and cringed as the smallest member of the group stood up. "There are people under the mountain… And they're screaming!"

Sokka let out a breath of air and scooted away from the others. "Nice try."

"No, I'm serious! I hear something!"

Katara relaxed a little. "You're… probably just… jumpy from the ghost stories."

Toph felt the vibrations die down. "It just… stopped."

Aang held on tight to Momo and Katara. "Alright, now I'm getting scared."

Just then, an old woman spoke from behind the kids. "Hello, children."

Aang and the Water Tribe siblings screamed as they dashed over to earth bender and the elderly lady walked towards them.

"Sorry to frighten you. My name is Hama. You children shouldn't be out in the forest by yourselves at night. I have an inn nearby. Why don't you come back there for some spiced tea and warm beds?"

The Water Tribe warrior wore a weak smile and scratched the back of his head. "Yes, please."

As the old woman began leading the children, the blind earth bender raised her hand. "Yo! Guys? Remember that screaming under the mountain that I heard? Shouldn't we look into that?

"Guys?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside Hama's inn, the elderly lady finished pouring tea for the Water Tribe girl as she smiled at her.<p>

"Thanks for letting us stay here tonight. You have a lovely inn."

Hama put the pot on the table. "Aren't you sweet." She then began sitting down as she frowned. "You know, you should be careful. People have been disappearing in those woods you were camping in."

Sokka put his tea cup down. "What do you mean, 'disappearing'?"

"When the moon turns full, people walk in, and they _don't_ come out…"

Toph immediately shot out of her seat. "By the spirits! That's who I heard screaming in the mountain!"

Aang stood as well. "I forgot that you mention that! But now that Hama reminded us by mentioning people mysteriously disappearing, I remembered!"

Katara got up. "I have now remembered Toph saying that as well, all thanks to Hama very explicitly talking about people vanishing."

Sokka rose from his chair. "Then let us hurry back to the mountain where, thanks to Hama very clearly refreshing our memories about what Toph said about hearing people screaming inside the mountain, we will rescue said people!"

The four youths dashed out of the inn.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside her inn, Hama began telling her four guests of the Fire Nation raids on the Southern Water Tribe. She told them of how the metal ships would launch flaming sulfur bombs at the village before soldiers attacked. The elderly lady then spoke of how black-armored soldiers would assault and capture water benders using rope nets.<p>

As his host began talking about herself being the only water bender left, Sokka raised an eyebrow. "They were captured by _nets_?"

Hama looked up at the boy and nodded. "Yes, they dragged us away like animals to-."

"But in _nets_? Rope nets? Rope which you could pull up snow, turn it to ice, and then cut your way out of nets? Or move your hands while still inside the nets to freeze the captor's feet so others could help you nets?"

Aang shook his head. "No, Sokka. Once in a net, even the mightiest of benders are rendered totally powerless."

Toph nodded. "We are no match for them."

Katara sighed. "It is our weakness."

* * *

><p><strong>[[I think that was my first brick joke. Still there's more.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Inside her inn, Hama began telling her four guests of the Fire Nation raids on the Southern Water Tribe. She told them of how the metal ships would launch flaming sulfur bombs at the village before soldiers attacked. The elderly lady then spoke of how black-armored soldiers would assault and capture water benders using rope nets.<p>

As his host began talking about herself being the only water bender left, Sokka sighed. "Yeah, we tangled with a few of those Fire Nation soldiers who had the dome-shaped helmets and the flags with sea ravens on them. It… didn't end well."

The old water bender raised an eyebrow. "Dome-helmets? Sea ravens? I've never seen those before."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "It's the special team of Fire Nation navy that used against the South Pole."

"Nope." The elderly woman shook her head. "Only people I ever faced were the ones in the normal skull masks and their ships had the normal fire emblem. I don't know who these people are, but they were never the ones who attacked us."

**[Watch episode. It's true.]**

The young water bender blinked twice. "Wait. If you've never seen them before…"

The Water Tribe warrior scratched his head. "And you were the last bender until Katara and we haven't seen these people at all during our travels…"

The two siblings dropped their jaws and stared at each other. "AN ENTIRE DIVISION WAS MADE FOR ONE $%^-ING RAID ON US AND THEN LEFT TO DO NOTHING?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Toph led the Avatar and the Water Tribe warrior through the dark forest and towards a cave deep in the mountain that overlooked Hama's village. When she and her friends reached the mouth of the cave, the blind girl stopped. "This is the place."<p>

Sokka stared into the stone cavern. "I can't see anything down there."

The earth bender grabbed the warrior's wrist. "That's why you have me." She pulled on his arm as she ran down the dirt ramp into the cave. "Let's go."

Aang followed his friends deeper and deeper underground until the trio reached a wall with a metal door and two lit torches on either side of the doorframe. The young nomad then stood back as his blind friend metal bent the door down. After the metal slab flew off its hinges, he and Sokka each grabbed a torch and followed Toph down another hallway. At the end of the hallway, the Avatar saw a room full of people, chained and cuffed to the stone.

One of the chained men looked up. "We're saved…"

Aang cringed as his earth bending friend removed her meteorite arm band and began bending it into a key. "I didn't know spirits made prisons like this. Who brought you here?"

A shackled woman sneered. "It was no spirit."

A man looked up. "It was a witch!"

Sokka narrowed his eyes. "A witch? What do you mean?"

The shackled woman spoke as the female rescuer unlocked her cuffs. "She seems like a normal woman, but she controls people. Like some… _dark_ puppet master."

The young warrior raised an eyebrow, but then furrowed his brow and bared his teeth. "_Hama_."

Another imprisoned lifted his head. "Yes! The inn keeper!"

Aang blinked twice. "But… she was with us and our friend all day."

The man scoffed. "Well _obviously_ she captured us weeks ago."

The Avatar shook his head. "That's not what I mean."

"It isn't? Then what are you talking about?"

The monk pointed at the torch in his hand. "These torches are lit and not even close to burnt up!"

Sokka glanced at his friend. "So…?"

"So the longest burning torches we know of only last 2 hours and if you remember… er… 'the story' of when Admiral Zhao was chasing the Avatar and ran into Jeong Jeong the Deserter. Zhao's own fire easily torched his wooden boats. So if there was a kid of wood that was flammable, but slow to burn, an admiral would have access to ships made out of it.

"My point is: If Hama did all this and she was with us or Katara all day, when did these torches get lit?"

Everyone in the prison stared at the boy, then at the torches.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the full moon strengthened Hama as she stood in the middle of a forest, the inn keeper glared out into the horizon as Katara stood several yards behind her. "What I'm about to show you, I discovered in that <em>wretched<em> Fire Nation prison. The guards were always careful to keep any water away from us. They piped in dry air and had us suspended away from the ground. Before giving us any water, they would bind our hands and feet so we couldn't bend. Any sign of trouble was met with _cruel_ retribution.

"And yet, every month, I felt the full moon enriching me with its energy. There had to be something I could do to escape. Then, I realized, that where there is life, there is water. The rats that scurried across the floor of my cage were nothing more than skins filled with liquid. And I passed years developing the skill that would lead to my escaape…"

"_Blood bending_."

Katara's eyes shot open as the old bender continued.

"Controlling the water in another body; enforcing your own will over theirs. Once I had mastered the rats, I was ready for the men.

"And during the next full moon, I walked free for the first time in decades. My cell unlocked by the very guards assigned to keep me in."

Katara felt her face turn pale. "How did the others react to it?"

Hama blinked twice and turned around. "Others? What others?"

"The other prisoners in that prison that you released because you were in the perfect opportunity to release them. How did they feel about what you were doing?"

"Um…" The inn keeper scratched the back of her neck. "Time to move on with the lesson! Please save all questions until never!"

The young water bender groaned.

* * *

><p><strong>[[This is the scene, folks. The scene where I, once again, completely change the way you watch this series and read any fan fics. So stand back, 'cause daveshan is about to unveil a truth you didn't realize.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Hama stood in the middle of a forest as the full moon shined above and Kana's granddaughter stood behind her. "Once you master this technique, you can control anything or… anyone."<p>

Katara stood frozen. "But… to reach inside someone and control them?" She turned away. "I… I don't know if I want that kind of power."

The inn keeper raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? Oh, I see, I guess my explanation did sound a bit creepy, but you can't seriously have a problem with this once you think about it."

The girl lowered her head. "I can't. It's… too awful."

"'_Awful_'? Katara this is the perfect technique for someone like you! You could put an end to fights! You could stop whole armies! The most underhanded attackers would be nothing to you! AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO KILL ANYONE! Seriously, you put them some pain and put stress on their joints, but then release it once you're done."

"You're reaching into a person and controlling their will!"

Hama dropped her jaw and then clutched her hair. "What in all of the Spirit World are you getting mad about? The ice-finger bullets and blade of water that cut clean through a rock were ok? But a move that can stop an opponent with out any permanent damage to them is unacceptable? I'm pretty sure that you attack a person with the force to cleave stone, you 'reach inside them' at that point too!

"Katara, with blood bending, you are beyond 100% accurate all the time. You only move what you want and nothing else. You could be in a hostage situation and easily separate the hostage from the assailant without any risk of harm. Then, completely subdue the hostage taker without any risk of killing them."

"Blood bending is wrong! And I'll have nothing to do with it!"

"Are you stupid or something? Bring your friends here right now, we practice on them without any risk of harming them. Then, at the next full moon, you could _literally_ walk into the Fire Nation palace, march straight up to Ozai, wave your hands a little, and BOOM! War's over and you didn't have to take a single life! This should be a dream come true for you, Katara! Why don't you want to know how to perform this completely harmless technique that can help you achieve world peace without any cost of life?"

The girl's eyes shot open. "It's you! You're the one that's been making people disappear during the full moon!" She then narrowed her eyes. "I won't use blood bending and I won't let you continue to terrorize this town!"

Hama groaned. "Alright, that's it, you're too stupid to live." She raised her hands and force Katara to the ground.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Surrounded by the people she imprisoned, Kanna's granddaughter, and those the girl traveled with, Hama felt metal shackles clamped on to her wrists as a man spoke.<p>

"You're going to be locked away forever."

The now-former inn keeper let the man and a woman lead her away. "My work is done." However, she then stopped and turned around to smile at the younger water bender. "Congratulations, Katara, you're a _blood _bender!" She began to laugh maniacally as the Water Tribe girl began to cry.

Sokka watched his little sister fall to her knees as the villagers took the old bender away. "Please don't cry, Katara." He and Aang knelt beside her. "They said they're going to take her away forever."

The monk formed a gentle smile. "He's right. There's nothing Hama can do any more."

Toph clicked her tongue. "Well, nothing until she gets, like, forty yards away from Katara. At which point, she's just gonna blood bend the crap out of everyone and make her escape."

The four children then glanced up at the full moon as Sokka cringed.

"Right… Shoulda thought about that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Was there any doubt? Was there any doubt I could turn bloodbending into a laugh?**

_**Toph: I admit, I doubted ya', Dave. But I am more than happy to see that you proved me wrong. Can't believe I didn't notice how incredibly non-lethal it is.**_

**I'm surprised I've never found a fan fic where someone else was able to put two and two together. Didn't anyone who's also a Star Wars fan go 'Um, imposing your will over someone else so you don't have to resort to violence is actually a good thing.' Pretty sure that's why it's called 'Jedi mind trick' and not 'Sith mind trick.'**

_**Toph: Oh, man… Star Wars. Those movies are awesome. I just love the story, the acting, and the special effects are so cool, am I right?**_

**You bet the special effects rock! All those lasers and ship battles on the screen going: zapzapzapzapzap…zap… zap…**

…

**I just fell for a blind joke, didn't I?**

_**Toph: Gotcha.**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 9**

**Nightmares and Daydreams**


	49. Book 3: Chapter 9

_Ah, Nightmares & Daydreams, an episode where we divulge deep into the underlying psyche of Aang and Zuko as they BLAH BLAH BLAH! Spirits, this episode is boring!_

_Toph: Amen, brother. We already know Zuko's having conflicted issues and Twinkle Toes's sudden uber-fear of Ozai comes completely out of left field. Where was this work-to-death attitude throughout the entirety of Book 3 when he was goofing off?_

_It was in Chapter 1 and then disappeared. Pretty sure I mentioned that._

_Toph: Indeed. And now his ADD has come full-circle._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 9**

With the morning sun shining, Katara slowly approached her air bending friend as he threw punch after punch at a tree. "Hey, how long have you been up?"

Aang continued to strike the tree. "A couple hours!" He then spun around the large plant and attacked it from other angles. "I've got a lot more skills to refine if I'm gonna fight Ozai."

As her friend paused and breathed heavily, the water bender cringed. "You know, there is such a thing as over-training." She then watched as the monk wound up and flung a heavy punch into the bark. However, the shockwave went back into the nomad's body and caused him to fall backwards, just before all the leaves on the tree dropped.

A few moments later, the Avatar jumped up and took an awkward fighting stance. "You don't get it, do you?" He began to stagger around the water bender. "My form is bad, I'm sloppy, and I still don't know any fire bending. Not even the basics!" His left eye twitched as Katara gently lowered one of his hands.

Sokka calmly lay on the grass and looked over a map. "That's ok, Aang. The eclipse will block all fire bending anyway, you don't _need_ to know any." He then glanced at his tattooed friend. "Plus, it's a stupid element."

Aang began making over-exaggerated motions with his hands. "Uh… ok… Well, I still need to work on everything else. I betted spend the whole day training." He then gave all his friends deep bows before riding off on an air scooter.

Sokka and his sister stared at one another with gritted teeth as the earth bender calmly picked her nose. "Um… Regardless of why we may or may not have seen any Fire Nation patrol boats while we're this close to the capitol city, do we really wanna risk that luck by having a crazy guy training three of the elements in what is very likely to be an over-intense way?"

Katara shook her head. "No, we do not." She then hurried after the Avatar.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang lay quietly in the grass of a small island as he heard a deep, raspy voice and slowly opened his eyes.<p>

"Wake up, Aang."

The Avatar opened his eyes and saw the silhouette of Fire Lord Ozai standing above him.

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

The monk rubbed his eyes.

"Rise and Shine." The visage of Ozai leaned down. "You overslept. You missed the invasion." It then laughed loudly and began to fly off on the back of a winged hippo-cow just as the hippo-cow breathed fire at the boy.

Aang quickly rolled to the side and jumped to his feet just in time to see the image of the fire lord flying of on the white and black-spotted beast.

In his sleep, the young avatar stirred and then awoke from his dream. He then turned to his left and shook his sleeping warrior friend. "Sokka, wake up! I had a nightmare and I think I heard Ozai's voice exactly as it sounds, despite the fact that I've never heard him talk nor anyone imitate his voice!"

Sokka opened his eyes. "What?" He then jumped out of his slumber. "What? Who's talking?" His face then hit the edge of a small cliff. "Ow…" The Water Tribe boy fell backwards.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The sun shined down on the tiny island that the Avatar and his friends camped on as the tattooed youth paced back and forth across green grass. His eyes twitched and his fingers fidgeted as his friends sat or worked on metal armor. "Every time I think about how stressed I am, I just end up more stressed! I'm like a big, growing snowball of nerves! If only there was some form of meditation I knew that deals with my fear! Like a chakra meditation! Yeah, that would help! And it would really help if the chakra that dealt with fear were the first stage of that meditation, you know, so I didn't have meditate for too long! That would be fantastic!"<p>

Aang threw his hands into the air. "Why don't I know something like that?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara stood at the ledge of a cliff and stretched her arms and legs as clouds sailed across the blue sky above. However, she then heard Aang mumbling and turned around.<p>

"Invasion…" The monk paced back and forth as he waved his arms. "All aboard for the invasion…"

The water bender raised an eyebrow. "You don't look so good." She approached the air bender. "You sure you can't just lie down for a little nap?"

Aang stared at the girl he loved with tired eyes. "I told you, I can't go back to sleep."

The Water Tribe gir stepped closer to her friend. "Aang, staying up all night can't be good for you."

The Avatar stepped away from his teacher and stared out at the ocean. "Actually, staying up all night has given me time to think. And I've realized some big things, Katara."

"What big things?"

"I see everything so clearly now. What really matters. Why I'm really doing this." Aang turned around. "I'm doing it to save the world. But more than that, I'm doing it for the people I love." He took several steps towards the Water Tribe girl. "I'm doing it for you, Katara."

The water bender's eyes shot open. "Aang, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying… I love you!" The Avatar closed his eyes and threw his lips against Katara's. When the monk pulled back and opened his eyes, he smiled when he saw her smiling back. The two children then wrapped their arms around one another and embraced for a second kiss.

Once Katara and the air bender finished kissing, they stared into each other's eyes. "What are we doing?"

"What our hearts have been telling us to do for a long, long time." Aang spread out his hands. "Baby…" He grabbed Katara by the waist and dipped her. "…you're my forever girl."

The nomad leaned in for another kiss when he heard the Water Tribe girl's voice from behind him.

"Aang?"

The monk blinked twice. "Huh?" He then saw that his arms were empty and spun his head to see the girl he loved calmly standing and staring at him.

"I was… just saying you should take a nap."

The Avatar sprang up straight and tensed "Oh, I guess… I kinda… drifted off into a day dream."

"What was your dream about?"

The monk glanced down and then up. "Uh… That people were watching a series of moving, hand-drawn pictures, which were accompanied by sound and told a story. And in the story the main character was having a hard time confessing his feelings to his love interest, which was a very important plot point for a key moment in the story. Anyway, the writers of the story decided to show a very sincere kiss between the two of them halfway through the last third of the story, but then it turned out to be a dream. But the fact that the tension and build up was so important, it really down-played the moment when the two would kiss for real."

Katara blinked twice and then chuckled. "Wow. The writers of that story sound like they have no idea how to write a relationship." She smirked. "I sure wouldn't want to be part of any romance that lame."

Aang giggled sheepishly.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the palace of the Fire Nation capital, Mai leaned against a pillar as her boyfriend walked past. "So…?" She began to walk with him. "How did it go?"<p>

Zuko kept his eyes glued forward. "When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him.

"I was _literally_ at his right hand."

The young noblewoman smiled and grabbed the prince's arm. "Zuko, that's wonderful! You must be happy." Just then, the two teenagers stopped walking and stared up at a tapestry of the current fire lord.

"During the meeting, I was the perfect prince… the son my father wanted." The scarred boy then closed his eyes and lowered his head. "But I wasn't me."

A second later, Zuko opened his eyes and glanced at his girlfriend. "Oh, and my dad's planning genocide. I guess that kinda bummed me out too."

Mai's eyes bulged. "Wait! WHAT?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well, guess I couldn't get too much out of this episode. But, you know what? I'm not mad. Between The Puppet Master last week and The Day of Black Sun next week, it was nice to have an easy chapter in between.**

_**Toph: Wow, Dave. That's very insightful. As well as a piss-poor excuse for doing such a bad job today.**_

**Oh, come on! I can only use what I get. How much was I supposed to use when it's all a dream?**

_**Toph: I don't know what you're saying, because all I hear is "Waa! Waa! Waa! I suck! I suck! I suck!"**_

**You know, I'd be mad if I wasn't going to have so much fun with you next week.**

_**Toph: 'Fun with me…?' What do you mean by that? And why are you smiling? Dave…? DAVE WHY ARE YOU SMILING?**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 10 & 11**

**The Day of Black Sun Part 1 & Part 2**

_**Toph: STOP SMILING!**_


	50. Book 3: Chapter 10 & 11

_Dayyyyyyyyy…_

_offfffff…_

_BLACK SUN!_

_Yes it's here, my friends and fans. The invasion of the Fire Nation on the Day of Black Sun. This two-parter is considered by many of the fan-base to be the most incredible pair of episodes Mike and Bryan have ever done. The twists, the surprises, the dynamics, and the shocking conclusion all bring the audience to one staggering conclusion that leaves you asking: 'What happens next?'_

_Toph: Ah, yes. All the suspense and drama that came from this episode is proof positive that Avatar the Last Airbender is nothing short of a visual masterpiece that will inspire people for ages and change the art of storytelling forever._

_Truer words could never be spoken than these._

_Toph: Yeah… Now let's rip this P.o.S. to shreads!_

_On it!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 10 & 11**

As people from the Water Tribe and the Earth Kingdom disembarked from Hakoda's ships, Toph's vibration-sense spotted a large man with an enormous belly as well as a muscular man with a top-knot in his hair. "No way." She dropped into a fighting stance. "Is that-?" Suddenly, two large hands picked her up.

"Hippo happy to see Blind Bandit!" The Hippo hugged the small girl against his chest, then extended his arms up into the air as he held her.

Toph, however, scowled. "You guys here for a rematch?"

Behind the Hippo, the Boulder raised an eyebrow. "The Boulder is curious why you think he and the Hippo were able to locate you on a remote island in the middle of the Fire Nation and then risk life and limb crossing the ocean, the Fire Nation navy blockade, and patrolling boats, solely to fight you again for no quantifiable reward? The Boulder also wonders how you were not at all aware that he and the Hippo were among the people Sokka listed for his father to pick up? Also, why you would let the Hippo lift you up?"

The blind girl shrugged as the Hippo continued to hold her. "I didn't know Sokka put you on the list, that's why I doubted why you were here. After all, last time we met, Sokka learned you were willing to abduct children and sell the Avatar, thus dooming the world, just for cash. And you were going to sell him to the very enemy we're about to fight."

"Hmmm." The muscular man rubbed his chin. "The Boulder acknowledges this fact and says 'touché.'"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The invasion force sailed their Water Tribe ships through the bay the lay in front of the Palace City of the Fire Nation as a large statue of a man in robe stood out of the water with a black cable coming out of each hand and dropping into the sea. A hundred yards out on either side of the statue, the metal image of dragons stood mounted on platforms with black cables hanging out of their mouths.<p>

Bato stared at the enormous figures through his telescope. "There they are. The Great Gates of Azulon."

Behind her father's friend, Katara raised an eyebrow. "I don't see any gates… Or any ships for that matter." The girl glanced around the boat. "Does anyone else find it suspicious that there are no naval ships guarding this lone waterway into the Fire Nation capital city?"

Hakoda put his hand on his daughter's shoulder. "Katara, you and the swamp benders whip up a fog cover."

"Ok, but, Dad, don't you think that it's odd that-."

One of the swamp benders furrowed his brow. "We'll sneak by them statues just like sneak past that Fire Navy blockade!"

Hakoda's daughter huffed. "It's great that you did that, but is anyone else finding it strange that there aren't any defenses at all here? Even if they aren't expecting an attack, shouldn't there still be something?"

The chieftain of the Southern Water Tribe patted the young water bender's back. "Well, get to it, Katara."

The Water Tribe girl groaned.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Past the Great Gates of Azulon, the Mechanist's submarines emerged out the water and their passengers strutted about on the top of the vessel. Aboard one of the ships, Aang's friends approached him and Sokka stepped forward.<p>

"You ready for the Fire Nation to know the Avatar's alive?"

Aang glanced down, then steeled his expression as he looked up. "I'm ready." He and the Water Tribe boy clasped each other's forearm just before the two boys, Toph, Momo, and Katara all came in for a group hug.

The earth bender smiled. "I hope you kick some serious fire lord butt, Twinkletoes."

Just then, Hakoda's voice echoed over each sub. "Everyone, listen up. Next time we resurface, we'll be on the beaches. So stay alert and fight smart.

"Now break time's over! Back in the subs!"

As everyone else headed back into the underwater vessels, the Avatar and his water bending teacher stayed on top of the hull and tensed as they avoided eye contact with one another. Then, they both said the other one's name at the exact same time. The two instantly stopped talking and looked away before the monk smiled and looked up.

"You go first."

Katara relaxed and stared at the air bender with a soft expression. "We've been through so many things together. And I've seen you grow up _so _much!" She saw him blush. "You're not that little, goofy kid I found in the iceberg anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm really proud of you."

The tattooed youth smiled and lowered his head, but then frowned as he lifted it back up. "Everything's going to be different after today, isn't it?"

The water bender brushed some hair away from her face. "Yes, it is."

"What if…" Aang lowered his head just before whipping it up as his eyes shot open. "What if I don't come back?"

The Water Tribe girl tensed. "Aang, don't say that, of course you'll-." Suddenly, the Avatar thrust his mouth against hers and locked their lips together.

Immediately, Katara's eyes widened as she blinked frantically. Then she looked down and closed her eyes as she leaned into the kiss. A few seconds later, as she felt the monk's mouth move away, the water bender slowly lifted her eyelids as her lips remained where they lay during the kiss. Her mouth then slowly relaxed as she blushed, lowered her eyes, and turned away.

The air bender stared at the girl he just kissed. "Well…?"

Katara kept her eyes low. "'Well' what?"

"Well, how did you feel about the kiss? Your facial expressions are kinda hard to read and I figured, after all the time we've spent together, you'd have a pretty solid opinion about being kissed by me."

The Water Tribe girl strained and pushed, but her facial muscles refused to budge. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"You _can't_?"

Katara shook her head. "It's like there're some spirits controlling my fate and are refusing to allow me to express what should definitely be a solid and unmistakable emotion and opinion about what just happened."

**[I'm not making this up. Mike and Bryan intentionally had Katara's expression be as ambiguous as possible for the sake of the shipping wars.]**

Aang's raised an eyebrow. "Well can you tell me, at least? I'm about to leave on a mission I might not come back from."

"Tried that too. It isn't working."

"So you can talk, just not about that?"

"Yup."

The air bender groaned.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Mechanist's submarines darted under the waters of the Palace City harbor, Fire Nation turrets shot steel harpoons into the waves below them. While the sub Hakoda rode dodged the metal projectiles, the chieftain stared into a periscope. "Ready the torpedo!"<p>

Sokka's eyes widened as he saw two men casually load a missile, surrounded by ice, into a compartment and then close the compartment shut. Then, when a swamp bender pushed his hands forward, and the missiles blasted forth and destroyed a metal, underwater gate, the boy smiled. "We have _torpedoes_? Holy crap, this is going to be a piece of cake!"

Hakoda raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, son?"

"Well, if all you need is to keep the torpedo frozen and have a water bender aim it, we'll demolish everything once we get on land! How many of these did we bring?"

"Just the ones we used a second ago."

The Water Tribe boy groaned.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The instant the submarines emerged from beneath the waves, over half a dozen Fire Nation turrets from atop a high cliff rained missiles down that exploded against the water, the ground, and the hulls of the subs.<p>

As soon as Sokka charged out of the underwater craft with his tribesmen, he stopped in his tracks and looked up at the turrets as they continued to fire. "They have exploding missiles? _Why_ do bows and arrows still exist?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the invasion force's tanks and troops storming the stone port and missiles flying from the Fire Nation turrets. Katara rode Appa down from the sky. The moment the bison touched the ground, the water bender jumped off the Avatar's pet and glared at him. "Why on Earth did you just land? The turrets are all pointing down! Charge into them! You're wearing armor and weigh ten tons! Heck, just <em>sit<em> on the roofs and they'll collapse!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>From a dozen yards away, a Fire Nation soldier shot a blast of flames at the chieftain of the Water Tribe warriors. The soldier's readied another blaze as his foe blocked the attack with a shield, but stopped when another soldier charged the invader with a spear. However, the warrior deflected and stole the other soldier's staff weapon. <em>Oh man, now he has two spears! What should I do? I should definitely keep shooting fire, but should I do if from a distance or run up to him?<em> _Hmmm… Ok, I've made up my mind._

The soldier steeled himself as he charged closer the invading warrior.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sokka leaned over the side of Appa's head as he held onto one of the beast's large horns. As the sky bison soared past a stone turret, the Water Tribe boy unsheathed his meteorite sword and slashed the tower's ballista that protruded out of the opening at the top.<p>

When Appa flew towards the next turret, Hakoda whipped out two black grenades from his uniform. The chieftain then lit the small bombs and threw them into the opening in the stone fortification. A few seconds later, two Fire Nation soldiers ran screaming out of the tower just before an explosion from within shook the small building.

The senior Water Tribe warrior smirked before turning to his son, who glared at him. "What's wrong?"

Sokka bared his teeth. "_Grenades! _You have grenades? We're fighting with swords and spears while you were packing grenades this whole time?"

"Well, I… uh…"

The young warrior stood on top of Appa's saddle and snarled. "Seriously! We have grenades and torpedoes! They have missile turrets! WHY AM I CARRYING A SWORD AND A BOOMERANG? Where's my explosive weapon? Why aren't we just throwing those things and letting the spirits sort the enemy out? I'd think that, more than the subs, grenade supply would be a top priority!"

Hakoda sighed. "Ok, Sokka, I guess I should tell you the truth. Everyone but you and Katara have grenades."

Both of the Water Tribe children dropped their jaws. "What? Why?"

"Because I don't just hate Katara, I hate you too, Sokka. That's why I'm always trying to get away from the both of you whenever I can."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The Avatar's armored sky bison landed on a cliff outside of the Fire Nation Palace City and between two missile turrets. Hakoda and his children immediately jumped off as the chieftain pointed at one of the stone towers. "Let's start attacking from the ground! Attacking from the air was just way too easy and effective!"<p>

Both of the children groaned.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Prince Zuko kenlt in front of a picture of his mother as a red robe covered his body. "I know I've made some bad choices. But today, I'm going to set things right."<p>

The scarred teen then raised an eyebrow. "Starting with the staff around here! I'm Prince-of-the-Fire-Nation-War-Hero-for-Slaying-the-Avatar-Zuko. Shouldn't I be in an important location while this invasion is going on? And isn't there at least one person who's supposed to be with me at that spot and is curious as to why I'm not there right now?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the Fire Nation forces exchanged volleys of projectiles with the invasion force, Sokka, a Water Tribe warrior, and an Earth Kingdom soldier kneeled behind one of their tanks and examined a small map. In the next second, a sulfur bomb struck the tank and the boy braced himself until the force of the impact diminished. He then glanced up and saw his father leaning on his sister as the two approached him through an opening in a large stone tower. "Dad!" He shot up and ran towards his family.<p>

The young warrior hurried as Toph followed and stopped in front of the chieftain. "You're on your feet again."

Sulfur bombs continued to rain down around Hakoda, but stone extrusions blocked them. "Thanks to your sister." He began sitting down on a rock. "I'm in no shape to fight, but maybe there's someway I can help." His son knelt in front of him.

"Everything's going smoothly. And the eclipse hasn't even kicked in yet."

"Let's hope our luck holds out." The chief of the Southern Water Tribe spotted his daughter staring off into space. "Katara, you seem distracted. Is something wrong?"

The water bender watched a speck in the distance grow larger and take the form of a boy with a glider. "Yeah… Is that… Aang?"

Sokka's head shot up. "What?" He looked on as his air bending friend glided down towards them.

When the young Water Tribe warrior saw his friend land, he stared at the bald boy. "Please tell me you're here because the Fire Lord turned out to be a big wimp and you didn't even _need_ the eclipse to take him down."

Aang scoffed. "What? No. I'm here because I got to the rim of the volcano and then realized that this strategy called for me to take down the capital city's last line of defense, the palace guards, probably Zuko and Azula, _and_ Fire Lord Ozai all by myself." The Avatar crossed his arms. "Eclipse or not, this is just a stupid plan."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With Aang, Toph, Sokka, and Momo on his back, Appa landed on the side of the volcano that surrounded the Palace City. When all his passengers except for the lemur jumped off, the monk spoke to the blind girl.<p>

"Do you feel any thing down there?"

The earth bender knelt down and put a hand on the ground. "Yup. There are natural tunnels crisscrossing through the inside of the volcano."

The Water Tribe boy tilted his head. "Anything else? Is there a structure somewhere?"

Toph stood up, stretched her arms and then plowed her hands into the mountainside. "There's something big, dense, and made of metal deep in the volcano."

Sokka threw his hands up and cheered. "Yes! Yes! _Finally! _Yes!"

Aang, his pets, and his earth bending teacher turned and stared at the young warrior. "What's gotten into you?"

"Don't you guys see it?" Katara's brother beamed a smile from ear to ear as his friends shook their heads. "Ok, let me break it down for you: Back 100 years ago, when the Palace City's enemies could've come from any number of directions, having an underground bunker was a pretty good move! But now, when the Fire Nation's main enemy is a giant country full of people who have the power to command _earth_ placing an emergency bunker _underground_ is a really stupid idea!"

The blind girl smiled as she pulled her hands away from the mountainside. "So you're saying, all we have to do is get all our earth benders up here, have 'em all pound into the cliff side, and let a cave in take care of the rest without any risk to us?"

The air bender raised a finger as he furrowed his brow. "But Azula was allied with the Dai Lee. Surely there are at least a few here if they knew."

Hakoda's son continued to smile. "They could have a hundred Dai Lees. Against a collapsing mountain and they still wouldn't win. Even if they could keep the bunker from being destroyed, it'd take them days, maybe even weeks, before they made it out of rubble. And if they aren't completely weakened by being on the brink of starvation, our occupying army'll easily take them out."

"Oh…" The Avatar nodded. His eyes then widened. "Wait a minute!" He smiled from ear to ear. "Does this mean-?"

Sokka pumped his fist into the air. "Darwinism is finally on our side!"

They all cheered.

* * *

><p><strong>[[So, Toph. You ever hear the phrase, 'It's payback time'?<strong>

** _Toph: Yeah. Why do you ask?_**

**Remember what you did at the end of Book 2: Chapter 17?**

** _Toph: Book 2: Chapter 17… Hmm… Oh yeah! Hehe. That's when I hit you with a rock-alanche and knocked you out and wrote chapter 18. And then… you said… you would… get… even…_**

**It's payback time.]]**

* * *

><p>Sokka, the Avatar, and the blind earth bender all ran down a tunnel that lay inside the Palace City volcano. As they hurried, the Water Tribe boy whipped out a brass clock with special markings on an eight-minute time frame. "Only thirty seconds until the total eclipse!"<p>

The trio then reached a metal door, painted gold and crimson, that lay embedded within a stone wall. Aang took a deep breath and steeled his face. "I'm ready! I'm ready to face the Fire Lord!" Then, with a strong and fast swing of his staff, the bald monk created a giant force of air that blasted the door off its hinges.

Past the door, large stone walls lined a narrow pathway, lit by torches implanted on tall steel bracers. On the floor, grey tiles covered the small walkway, which led to a small platform, where the princess of the Fire Nation sat on a golden throne.

"So, you _are _alive after all."

While his bald friend's mouth hung open, Sokka bared his teeth as his eyes became blood red. "No…"

"It doesn't matter. I've know about the invasion for-."

"No."

Azula raised an eyebrow. "Excuse m-?"

The Water Tribe boy flung his sword to the ground. "No! No! No! No! NO!"

The fire bender glanced at the Avatar. "Is he alright?"

Sokka's blood red eyes narrowed on Azula, just before he spun his head and glared at the blind girl. "TOPH, YOU'RE FIRED! How did you not see her? You navigated the entire maze! Figured out there was a bunker by _slapping_ the mountain! But when we were right outside the door of this place, you couldn't tell that it was Azula and not the fire lord?"

The young warrior clenched his hands into fists. "Please explain something to me, Toph! How does your I-can-see-ants-on-a-dirt-mound vision differentiate the size and mass of a full grown man versus that OF A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL?"

The earth bender cringed. "Well… I… uh…"

Azula scratched her head. "Are you going to battle me at some point? Or ask about my dad?"

The Water Tribe boy glared at the princess. "You, shut up!" He whipped his head back at Toph. "How could you screw up that much? How could you be _that _clueless and brain dead that you didn't notice there was nothing but one chair and one person in here? Didn't that tip you off at all?"

Toph began to tremble. "Sh… She was sitting on a metal chair… and there's some wood in the chair. I couldn't see!"

"YES YOU CAN! When we were on the hijacked Fire Nation ship, you didn't have a problem walking around! When we were at the fishing village in the polluted lake, you had no problems on their _wooden docks_! You don't have a problem seeing through metal! And you don't have a problem seeing through wood!"

Aang slid between his fiends. "Guys, please! We have to focus on Azula!"

Just then two Dai Lee agents dropped from the ceiling. "Mistress Azula, do you need us to assist you?"

Sokka's jaw went slack. "_And there were Dai Lee here_?" He threw his hands into the air. "HOW THE EVER-LOVING $%^ DID YOU NOT SEE THEM, TOPH? Were their shoes not made of enough stone? Were they not heavy enough to make an impression? Huh? Well? Which is it?"

The fire bender sighed. "You know, I wasn't going to do this 'til after the eclipse, but I just can't take this shouting anymore. Dad's in another metal bunker. It's all the way down the hall and then down a secret stairway on your left."

The Water Tribe warrior turned pale. "Another…? Did she say… 'another bunker'?"

The earth bender froze. "Uh oh."

"There was another bunker… Another bunker in the volcano… The volcano that Toph completely scanned and mapped out when she slammed her hands into the mountainside… She saw the crisscrossing tunnels and this bunker with just a moment of scanning…"

Aang tensed. "This is going to be bad."

"AND THERE WAS ANOTHER BUNKER THIS WHOLE #`*& %## MOTHER-$%^-ING TIME?"

The Water Tribe boy felt his blood boil as he grinded his teeth. Loud, deep snarls left his throat as his hand rose and hand opened.

Azula's eyes widened as she took as step back.

"SOKKA BACKHAND STRIKE!" The warrior whipped his arm across his body and struck the earth bender's face with open knuckles. The force of the blow slammed the young girl into the ground as he towered over her and narrowed his eyes. "Toph Ba Fong,… you are fired…" He then turned and stormed out of the bunker.

* * *

><p><strong>[[<em>Toph: Wh… wh… why would you do that…?<em>]]**

* * *

><p>The Avatar's invasion force hurried down the slope of the volcano of the Palace City and towards their submarines as the Fire Nation war blimps flew overhead. As the bottom hatches of the aircrafts opened up Sokka eyes bulged.<p>

"Try to find some cover! I think we're going to see some bombs!"

Toph and the other earth benders pulled giant shelves of stone out of the side of the mountain as red cylinders began to rain from the sky. The bombs exploded against the rock-shields and caused them to crack as the benders pulled up bracers of earth to support the shelves.

When the bombing stopped, Katara saw the blimps continue forward. "Why aren't they turning around to attack us again?"

Aang stared at the aircraft. "They're heading for the beach…" His body jolted as he spun towards his friends. "They're going to blow up the submarines!"

Sokka dropped his head. "How are we all going to escape?"

Behind the Water Tribe boy, the Mechanist laughed. "Oh, that's simple. All we have to do is-."

Leaning on Bato, Hakoda trudged his injured body forward. "We're not."

The chieftain's son furrowed his brow and pushed a fist into an open palm. "Then our only choice is to stand and fight! We have the Avatar. We could still win."

Teo's father raised an eyebrow. "Um... Aang isn't that crucial, but I suppose he helps. Anyway, as I was trying to say, all we need to do is-."

The Water Tribe chief pushed away from his friend. "Yes. With the Avatar, we could win… on another day. You kids have to leave. You have to escape on Appa together."

The old inventor waved his hands. "Hakoda, stop! Those giant blimps are incredibly slow and they make for very large targets with plenty of unarmored spots! Even if we've used up all of our grenades, there are, like five different ways we can tear into the balloons to have them go horribly off course and crash."

Katara's eyes widened. "What?" She rushed towards her father and grabbed him. "We can't leave you behind. We won't leave _anyone_ behind!"

"You don't have to! Just ride Appa up there with a few sharp stones and tear up just one part of one side of each balloon and all the hot air escaping will propel them in the wrong direction and eventually cause them to crash!"

Hakoda stared into his daughter's eyes. "You're our only chance in the long run. You and Sokka have to go with Aang somewhere safe. It's the only way to keep hope alive."

The Mechanist frantically waved his arms. "Hello…! Do you remember when a Fire Nation harpoon snagged one of the subs at the beginning of the invasion? Do you remember how it got free? _Katara broke the metal chain_, which was strong enough to drag up a submarine,_ with just her bending_! Rocks, water, your son's sword that sliced through a steel ballista, the girl who can metal bend! Or, here's an idea: Have Appa just fly right into them! He's wearing armor and weighs 10 tons! It. Will. Crush. Them. Just hurry! Move! Go now! These are very obvious solutions that anyone should be able to come up with even under panic and stress!"

Bato sighed. "The youngest of our group should go with you. The adults will stay behind and surrender. We'll be prisoners, but we'll all survive this battle."

"Or we could take out those very slow-moving blimps that _still_ aren't at the subs! Just get at the right altitude and attack them from above so you're out of range of their fire bending!"

Haru's dad stepped forward. "I've got some experience with the Fire Nation prisons. It's not going to be easy, but we'll get by."

Teo's father clutched his head. "No! No, we don't have to-!"

Sokka's eyes suddenly widened. "They're at the beach already!"

The blimps began dropping bombs as the Mechanist screamed, "I HATE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: With that, we conclude the wonderful and spectacular DoBS. Let's see what I did today: Made an amazing chapter. Ridiculed the sudden advanced technology. Got my revenge on Toph-.**

_**Toph: You're a douche for that.**_

**Revealed that Hakoda makes Zhao look like a good father figure. And ultimately made the self-sacrifice of all of the Avatar's allies look completely pointless. Today was a good day.**

**_Toph:_ _Well I'm glad you liked it. Everything was going fine and dandy for me until you needed to go a-wall on my mistake just for some payback. And did you really need Sokka to be the one to backhand me? Couldn't Aang have done it?_**

**It's what made the payback so perfect. And, you have to admit, if it hadn't happened to you, you'd totally be impressed by it.**

_**Toph: Yeah, I totally would. And it was a good payback.**_

**High-five?**

_**Toph: High-five!**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 12**

**The Western Air Temple**


	51. Book 3: Chapter 12

_It's time for Zuko to join the GAang and everyone who ships anyone with Katara to begin over-analyzing every single scene the two of them are in together. Kataangers, I'm looking at you just as much._

_Toph: Ah, shipping… It's so much fun to know that people thought that a story about action, adventure, and battling an imperialistic nation and its ruler was actually a show about who was going to hook-up with who._

_That's nothing, you ever see the 'evidence' videos on youtube? They were a sight to behold, I'll tell you. Just watching them and seeing what crazy things people from each side would pick out of every episode as 'proof' that their ship was going to get together. Man, I've seen some kooky things on the internet in my days, but that takes the cake. See what I mean?_

_Toph: … I can see you're an %##-hole!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 12**

With their heads hung low, Aang, Sokka, Katara, Toph, Haru, Teo, The Duke, Momo, and Appa trudged across a near-baron terrain. As they all felt the heat of the mid-day sun beating down on them, the water bender sighed.

"This is humiliating."

The Water Tribe warrior furrowed his brow as he glanced at his sister. "Do you mean getting thoroughly spanked by the Fire Nation or having to walk _all_ the way to the Western Air Temple?" His sister turned back to the ground.

"Both…"

Aang gently put his hand on his armored-bison's head. "Sorry, guys, but Appa gets tired carrying all these people."

Haru lifted an eyebrow. "Since when?"

The Avatar copied his facial gesture. "What do you mean? Since always. He's never had unlimited energy for flying."

The male earth bender scratched his head. "Well, yeah. But didn't you guys tell me how Appa flew for two weeks straight when you were trying to find the Northern Water Tribe?"

Katara shrugged. "It was an exaggeration. We took breaks."

"I believe that, but if Appa was able to fly that much back then, shouldn't he be able to continue flying us now after just an hour's rest or so?"

Teo screeched his wheelchair to a halt. "Yeah, he's right. I mean, the armor and extra passengers may make it a two hour rest, but he should still be ready to go after a small break. What gives?"

Sokka scoffed. "You guys are upset now? Just wait 'til a fight breaks out."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Once the sky bison landed inside the Western Air Temple and all his passengers dismounted next to a fountain, Teo stared up at the structure all around him. "It's so different from the Northern Air Temple." He then smiled. "I wonder if there are any secret rooms!"<p>

Haru began to run off. "Let's go check it out!"

The Mechanist's son and The Duke looked at one another, smiled, and then hurried after the male earth bender. Aang began to jog after them, but Katara blocked his path with his staff. At the same moment, Toph bent a giant wall of stone in front of their newest trio of companions.

The Avatar raised an eyebrow at his water bending teacher. "Hey, what giv-?" Suddenly, Katara's fist hit his face.

A second later, Sokka charged Haru and slugged him in the chin. Then he struck Teo between the eyes. Next, he slapped The Duke across the face.

The Avatar's two teachers and his warrior friend all crossed their arms and glared at the others. "Our friends and families just sacrificed everything for us you pieces of #`*&!"

Katara narrowed her eyes on Aang. "So much for thinking you've grown up so much."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On a terrace of the Western Air Temple, in front of the Avatar, the water bender, the blind girl, the young warrior, the lemur, and the sky bison, Prince Zuko forced a smile onto his face and raised a hand. "Hello, Zuko here." His former enemies drew their weapons and dropped into fighting stances. "Hey… I heard you guys flying around down here… so I… just thought…" He shrugged. "I'd wait for you here."<p>

Appa marched over to the scarred teen and growled loudly. Afterwards, he immediately licked him several times.

Aang's stance wavered as he watched his 10-ton pet repeatedly slurp at the boy who once tried to capture him.

As soon as the licking stopped, the prince wiped the saliva off his face. "I know you must be surprised to see me here-."

Sokka put away his boomerang but continued to glare at the Fire Nation prince. "Not really. Since you've followed us all over the world."

Zuko glanced to the side. "Right… Well… uh… anyway…" He turned back to the other youths. "What I wanted to tell you… about… is that I've _changed_! And I… uh… I'm good now. And, well I think should join your group. Oh! And I can teach fire bending… to you." The prince looked at the monk as the bald boy's stance wavered even further.

However, the Avatar's other friends tensed even more.

"See, I… uh-."

Toph threw her arms down. "You wanna _what_ now?"

Katara's glare intensified. "You can't _possibly_ think _any_ of us would trust you, can you? I mean, how _stupid_ do you think we are?"

Sokka stepped forward. "Yeah! All you've ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang!"

Zuko forced himself to remain calm. "I've done some good things." The scarred teen began to walk forward. "I mean, I could've stolen your bison in Ba Sing Se, but I set him free. That's something!" He then felt the large beast's tongue lick the back of his body.

The blind earth bender felt the older boy's vibrations. "Appa _does_ seem to like him…"

The Water Tribe warrior put a hand on his hip. "He probably just covered himself in honey or something so Appa would lick him. I'm not buying it!"

The prince huffed and glanced at Katara. "Well, how about the time I saved you from those pirates?"

The water bender's eyes bulged before they narrowed. "You monster! How could even you consider that a good deed! You tied me to a tree and used my mother's necklace to bribe me!"

Zuko gently and frantically moved his arms in front of his body. "Yes. I know and I'm sorry for that. And if I had thought things through and realized what they had planned on doing to you once they found you, I never would have recruited them."

Sokka's sister, as well as her friends, raised their eyebrows. "What are you… talking about?"

The traitor prince blinked twice. "Are you serious?" He saw them all nod. "Alright, let me break this down to you nice and slow. See, I don't know what kind of happy, marshmallow, no-one-does-anything-worse-than-they-have-to world you tell yourself you're living in, but you stole from a group of people who were vile, self-serving, hedonistic criminals. Going by that, do you honestly think that once they got the scroll back, they were just going to wave their finger at you and say, 'Now don't you do that again, littly missey'?

"Don't answer that, 'cause here's what would have really happened: Your best case scenario is that they would have beaten you to a pulp, which would result in several broken bones. More likely, they would have beaten you to a pulp, still resulting in broken bones, but also cutting off a 'thieving' hand or arm. Scared yet? 'Cause we're still on the best likely outcomes.

"See, there's also the very high likelihood that they would have murdered you by slitting your throat. By the way, they would have done that _after_ they beat you to a pulp, broken your bones, and cut off a part of your body.

"What the next likely outcome would be depends on is just how bad they were and how quickly they wanted their revenge to be over and done with."

Hakoda's daughter could feel her whole body trembling. "Wh… what would they have done…?"

"They were vile, self-serving, hedonistic criminals. And, out of the whole lot of 'em, there was only one gender." Zuko watched everyone put their hands over their mouths as they stared at him with wide eyes. "Yeah… let's just say, if you did somehow make it out of that mess alive, there's a good chance you would currently be on 'unwanted maternity leave.'"

Katara instantly dropped to her knees and began to vomit onto the floor. "Oh… by the Moon and Ocean…" She threw up one more time before glancing up at Zuko. "And you _worked_ with those people?"

"Like I said, I didn't think things through at all. I actually owe you an apology for my little rant just now because, as you must have guessed, I didn't think anyone would be like that either. But once I realized, that's what they were going to do, I made sure I got a hold of you first and kept you safe. If I had just let you go, they'd just have gone after you again."

Zuko shrugged. "Why do you think my words were 'I'll save you from the pirates' and not 'stop struggling and I'll go easy on you'? Or some other phrase that would have made you not want to try to escape? Didn't it occur to you that it was a pretty unusual thing to say?"

The water bender continued to heave as the others just stood with their bodies shaking.

Aang slowly looked up at the older bender. "I'm so sorry, Zuko." He slowly brought his lip up, but couldn't form a smile. "Please. You're more than welcome to join us." Beside the monk, everyone nodded as Katara vomited once more.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the terrace of the Western Air Temple, Zuko stared at the Avatar as all of the monks friends glared at him. "Why aren't you saying anything? You once said you thought we could be friends." He watched the young air bender glance down. "You know I have good in me."<p>

Aang turned to his friends and saw the Water Tribe warrior shaking his head. He then glared at the Fire Nation prince. "There's no way we can trust you after everything you've done. We'll never let you join us."

The scarred teen's eyes widened. "So then are you-?"

Katara brought her hands to her water pouch. "You need to get out of here. Now!"

The traitor prince cringed and tensed before throwing his hands into the air and moving forward. "I'm trying to explain that what you're doing makes no-!"

Sokka took a step towards the scarred teen and pointed his boomerang at him. "Either you leave, or we attack!"

The fire bender's mouth hung open for a second. "I can't believe you…" He then closed his eyes and knelt down. "Maybe it'll make sense to you,…" The teen lowered his head and held out his arms. "…to take me as a prisoner."

Katara flung a wave of water from her pouches. "No! We won't!" Her attack crashed into the Fire Nation prince and knocked him on his back. "Get out of here and don't come back!" She crossed her arms. "And if we ever see you again…" Her arms fell as she glanced down, but then the water bender's hands closed into fists as she furrowed her brow. "Well, we better not see you again!"

Dripping with water and flat on his back, Zuko stared, slack-jawed, at the Avatar and his friends. "So you guys think I'm still your enemy, but you have no problem with me just walking out of here with full knowledge of your location, your resources, and when I just gave you reason to think I'm in league with the assassin that's been hunting you?"

Toph began to shout, but then stopped. "Wow… He's right. This is a really bad idea."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>In a forest close to the Western Air Temple, Zuko slept in a sleeping bag as his campfire lit up the surrounding area. Suddenly, a rustling in the bushes around his campsite caused him to stir. "Who's there…!" He sat up and threw a wave of fire across the ground. "Stay back!"<p>

Toph stepped through the foliage. "It's me!" She felt the heat of the flames and pulled a large stone slab out of the ground. As the fires struck the rock, she stepped back and an intense burning sensation swept through her feet.

The earth bender let out a cry and fell backwards as Zuko tensed as he stared at the scene. "There's no way I could've just done what I think I just did."

"You burned my feet!"

The prince sprang up. "I'm sorry! It was a mistake!" He hurried over to the girl. "But how-?"

"Get away from me!" Toph began ripping chunks of earth out of the ground and throwing them at the Fire Nation traitor.

However, the scarred teen used his arms to protect himself as he leapt out of the way of the projectiles. "What I'm trying to say-!" He quickly dodged another piece of rock. "If you would just let me ask-!" The teen reached forward and grabbed the blind girl's shoulder. "Thing is, I don't think it's possible that-!"

Toph spun onto her back and kicked the fire bender away. "Get off me! Get off me!" She then quickly bent up a column of earth that struck the boy in the gut and launched him several yards back. She then began to scurry away on her hands and knees until she heard him shouting again.

"I only saw one of your feet step back while the fires were still there!"

The blind girl paused for a moment, replaying the event as best she could in her mind.

**[You know the drill, people. Watch the episode.]**

Toph then spun her head around. "Well then your fires super-cooked the ground!"

"If my bending was that strong, how come your hands didn't burn up as you crawled. Besides, you're barefoot all the time. Shouldn't you have really-tough skin calluses or something? Not only that, I've hit other people dead-on with fire before and they didn't get horribly burnt."

The prince slowly sat up. "So what gives?"

The blind girl sat down and crossed her arms before rubbing her chin. "You know, I have absolutely no idea."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As dawn rose over the Western Air Temple, Katara sat in front of a steaming bowl of rice while all of her friends, except for the blind earth bender, stood around her. She scooped a bowl of the pasta into a ceramic bowl and handed it to The Duke before glancing around. "Has anyone seen Toph?"<p>

Sokka yawned and hunched over. "I haven't seen her since she stormed off yesterday."

Haru shrugged. "Maybe she's just exploring the air temple." He smiled and gave a thumbs-up. "There are some pretty fun spots to practice earth bending."

The Water Tribe girl sighed. "I think we should go look for her." Her brother then sat down and scowled.

"Aw… Let her have fun with her rocks. I'm in no rush to have her yelling at us again."

The Duke smiled. "We can go check for her!"

Teo rolled forward and smiled. "Yeah! I wanna ride that tunnel down in the hall of statues again." He gave a lever a tug. "It'll work a lot better now that I've fixed my brakes." The crippled boy then sped off as Haru and The Duke hurried after him.

A second after the three boys ran off, the whole room began to shake and the Avatar and his friends cringed just before Toph blasted open a hole in the wall and slid down a hill of loose stones and rubble.

Hearing her friend's cries and a 'thud', Katara sped over towards the girl as the monk and her brother followed. "Toph! What happened?"

The female earth bender crawled forward. "My feet got burned!"

The water bender crouched down behind the blind girl and stared at her reddened feet. "Oh, no! What happened!"

"I just told you! My feet got burned!"

"… I meant, _how_? As in: How did it take you so long to get back when we all know your hands work just as well at seeing as your feet?"

Sokka crossed his arms and huffed. "Actually, when she's trying to map out mountains, her hands have limits."

Toph cringed and chuckled lightly.

* * *

><p><strong>[[In the following scene, please do pay attention to the wording that is used to describe the scenery.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>From the ledge of one of the Western Air Temple's buildings, Combustion Man stared across the empty span between where he stood and where the Avatar and his friends tended to the blind earth bender. With absolutely nothing obstructing his view, the assassin remained calm as the bald monk moved back and forth across the terrace. Then, when the boy stopped walking, the assassin took a deep breath and fired super-heated air from his head.<p>

However, before the mercenary's attack could completely launch, Zuko swung down from the temple's ceiling and slammed into the man. The impact caused his attack pass through the large empty gap between him and his target and hit a slab of the canyon.

Aang and his friends tensed as part of the cliff exploded. He and Sokka then pulled Toph out of the water and began to carry her, but stopped when Zuko shouted.

"Stop!"

The prince felt all eyes in the temple on him as he landed beside his mercenary. "I don't want you hunting the Avatar anymore!" He saw the assassin draw in a breath and ran in front of Combustion Man and the completely and totally empty space that lay between them and the building where the bald monk and his friends hastily moved about. "The mission is off! I'm ordering you to stop!"

Combustion Man shoved the prince aside and let loose another blast of air. The sailed through the air and struck nothing until it exploded against the decoration that hung above his target.

Zuko saw the assassin aiming and charged him with an enflamed hand. "If you keep attacking, I won't pay you!" However, his mercenary caught him by the collar and held him with ease. "Agh! Ok! I'll pay you _double_ to stop!" Just before the man fired again, the prince quickly jumped and kicked him in the chest.

The assassin's attack passed by the empty expanse between him and his target and hit another building behind the one that the Avatar took cover in.

The scarred prince landed and turned to see the three-eyed assassin glaring at him. A moment later, the man in haled and shot a bolt of super-heated air at the teen, who created a wall of fire that his foe's attack exploded against. However, the force of the detonation rocketed him off the landing of the building and down to the chasm below.

Zuko quickly caught a large vine before he dropped and desperately hung on.

As Aang saw the traitor prince clutch onto the dangling plant, he jumped out from behind the fountain he used as cover and leapt into the air. One of Combustion Man's attacks exploded underneath him, but the bald boy quickly bent a small tornado and then sent it at his three-eyed foe.

The Fire Nation assassin saw the spiraling wind quickly sail, uninhibited, through the open space between the two buildings. However, when it came close, Combustion Man quickly jumped up and forward as he blasted super-heated air once more from his head.

The Air Nomad landed and then sprang back just before the mercenary's attack struck. He then slid to a stop and watched as the three-eyed assassin land on the building that hung between the where he stood moments ago and where the Avatar and his friends stood.

Combustion Man stood up, took in a breath of air, but then stopped as he stared at the building he stood on. He then raised and eyebrow and scratched his head. A moment later, he glanced at the Avatar's friends and pointed at the building. However, the children simply stood and scratched their own heads.

Toph heard her friends not moving and raised an eyebrow. "What's going on? Why did the fighting stop?"

Aang's eyes widened. "A building has appeared out of nowhere."

**[Again, watch the episode.]**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Toph and her friends hid behind a large stone pillar as Combustion Man began blasting the empty terrace. "He's going to blast this whole place off the cliffside!"<p>

Katara leaned her head out, but pulled it back just before another explosion shook the building. "I can't step out to water bend at him without getting blown up! And I can't get a good enough angle on him from down here!"

Sokka braced himself against the pillar as another explosion shook the building. "Well, it's a good thing you or Aang can quickly bend a small hole in the stone here so we can see where he is and attack him without him knowing where we are exactly!"

The Water Tribe warrior glanced at the blind girl and the bald monk, who both remained still. "Either one of you? Anytime?" He then groaned as he took out his boomerang. "Freakin' unless benders."

* * *

><p><strong>[[But wait, folks! There's another way that this scene SHOULD have gone!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Toph and her friends hid behind a large stone pillar as Combustion Man began blasting the empty terrace. "He's going to blast this whole place off the cliffside!"<p>

Katara leaned her head out, but pulled it back just before another explosion shook the building. "I can't step out to water bend at him without getting blown up! _And_ I can't get a good enough angle on him from down here!"

Sokka stared at his sister. "Get an angle on him? Katara, what, in the name of the Spirit World, are you talking about? When have you _ever_ talked about things like 'angles' and 'positioning' and anything other than just throwing water and ice at your opponents? Seriously, I haven't seen you try to do anything like that even once! Where is this coming from?"

"Well, I-."

"You know what? No." The young warrior pushed her aside and pulled out his boomerang. "Let someone who actually knows what that stuff is about show you how it's done."

As soon as the Water Tribe boy saw his boomerang strike Combustion Man, a huge grin shined on his face as he jumped out of his hiding spot. "Yeah, boomerang!" He caught the weapon in mid-air, but gasped when he saw the Fire Nation assassin slowly staggering to his feet. "Aww… boomerang…"

Sokka then sighed. "Oh, well. It's ok because, now that it's taking him so long to stand, Aang or Katara can attack him before he has the chance to put up his guard or fight…" He saw his friends running back behind pillar. "…back…"

Katara's brother groaned. "$%^-ing useless benders…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Combustion Man's remains lay at the bottom of the gorge below the Western Air Temple, Aang watched the scarred prince calmly walked across the terrace and towards him and his friends. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but… Thanks, Zuko."<p>

Sokka threw his hands on his hips. "Hey, what about me?" He swung his arms into the air. "I did the boomerang thing."

The Fire Nation teen glanced at the four youths. "Listen! I know this is going to sound odd, because their must be a perfectly logical explanation, but in the midst of all those loud explosions that were echoed across the canyon and everyone's loud screams that you could hear for miles, where was your sky bison, who's presence could have made this fight 10x easier?"

Toph and her friends all stared at one another and then back at the prince. "Listen, bucko, if you're going to be a part of Team Avatar, there's something we should warn you about…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I think that went rather well. Zuzu's on the Avatar's side, Combustion Man has been killed, and I got not one, but two Appa jokes into this chapter! Life is good.**

_**Toph: And you gave me plenty of lines. So, yes. Yes, this was a good chapter.**_

**Oh for… Toph, there is so much more to this satire than what you do in it.**

_**Toph: What was that, Dave? I could have sworn you said something, but all it sounded like was, 'Toph, you are right! Things are only important if they involve you!' Which is absolutely correct.**_

**I said nothing like that.**

_**Toph: 'You are amazing, Toph, and I should write an entire 'nother fic revolving completely around you'? Why thank you, Dave. That's very nice of you.**_

**I give up.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 13**

**The Firebending Masters**


	52. Book 3: Chapter 13

_The Firebending Masters. I'm actually at The Firebending Masters. Holy forking hippo-cow! This is the first episode where Zuko is officially part of the GAang. This is the episode where we learn the origins of both air- and firebending. It's actually genuinely exciting for me that I get to rip into this episode as much as I do._

_Toph: Are you going to give the fans a teaser of what's to come today?_

_A teaser? Why would I do that? They have enough waiting for them with Katara's 'brilliance', the Sun Warrior's 'brilliance', Iroh's ability to lie, and THE MOST…!_

_Wait a minute…_

_Toph: Hehe_

_Nice try._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 13**

As the morning sun shined down on the Western Air Temple, Prince Zuko stood across from the Avatar on one of the many terraces. "I know you're nervous but…" He then raised an eyebrow and glanced around the vicinity.

While the fire bender turned his eyes left and right, Aang scratched his head. "Um… Zuko? What are you looking for?"

"Katara."

"Why are you looking for her?"

"Well, I guess she's not here… I'm just surprised because, the other day, she made it very clear that she doesn't trust me yet and thinks this is all a trick to capture you. She went so far as to make a threat on my life. Now it's just you and me, all alone, with you putting your complete faith in me as I teach you the dangerous art of fire bending.

"I just figured she'd be here with us to make sure nothing happened."

The monk shrugged. "Though that does seem like a _really_ bad flow of logic on her part, we should get on with the lesson."

"Good point. Let's start with you showing me what you've got. Any amount of fire bending you can make."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Appa let out a loud groan as he chewed on hey and his master and friends sat around a small fire and ate their dinner.<p>

Among the children, Zuko glanced at the ground. "Well, that doesn't help me. The original fire benders were the dragons. And they're extinct."

Aang stared at his fire bending teacher. "What do you mean? Roku had a dragon. And there were plenty of dragons when I was a kid."

The prince glared at the monk. "Well they aren't around anymore! Okay!"

The air bender tensed as he held up his palms. "Ok. Ok. I'm sorry."

"But maybe there's another way." The scarred teen walked towards the large gaps in the wall. "The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient Sun Warriors."

The bald monk followed his new friend. "'Sun Warriors'? Well, I know they weren't around when I was a kid."

"No. They died off thousands of years ago. _But_, their civilization isn't too far from where we are now. Maybe we could learn something by poking around their ruins."

"It's what the monks used to tell me: 'Sometimes the shadows of the past can be felt by the present.'"

Sitting close to the campfire, Sokka rubbed his chin. "So… what? Maybe you'll pick up some super-old Sun Warrior energy just by _standing_ where they stood a thousand years ago?"

Zuko sighed. "More or less. Either I find a new way to fire bend or the Avatar has to find a new teacher."

The traitor prince then slowly turned and walked towards his room. "The three of us should leave on Appa bright and early tomorrow. Let's get some sleep."

Aang raised an eyebrow. "'_Three_ of us'?"

Zuko stopped and glanced at the bald boy. "Yeah. You, me, and Katara."

The water bender scoffed and glared at the scarred teen. "Excuse me! When do you get to decide where I go?"

The fire bender held up his palms. "No, no. I just meant that I figured you'd be coming with us, since you don't trust me and would obviously be suspicious about me suddenly not being able to bend and needing to take Aang to a place no one but me has ever even heard of. You are coming, right?"

Sokka's sister crossed her arms and huffed. "No! Why would I? That argument makes no sense, Zuko!"

The prince raised an eyebrow. "So… you trust me now?"

"No! You're a horrible person and always will be!"

"So… are you expecting someone else to go with me and Aang?"

"Why would anyone else? You're the ones that need to learn that stupid bending!"

The scarred teen felt his jaw drop as his arms went limp. "Girls are crazy…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Oh, Katara, why do we love you so? No, seriously. Why are you everyone's favorite girl to ship people with?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Under a blue sky and above a vast ocean, Aang and Zuko rode on Appa with the Avatar on the bison's head and the prince in the beast's saddle.<p>

The fire bender scowled as he stared into the endless ocean. "We've been riding for hours! I don't know why, but I thought this thing would be a _lot_ faster!"

The sky bison let out a loud groan as the bald monk glanced at the prince.

"Appa's right, Zuko. Shut the $%^ up and be grateful that we trust you."

Ozai's son only stared and blinked twice.

* * *

><p><strong>[[It took more than 50 chapters, but Appa finally got a shot in on someone.<strong>

**Sky bison: 1**

**Against sky bison: 2,000 and counting]]**

* * *

><p>As Zuko and the Avatar walked through the yellow-stone ruins of the Sun Warrior's city, the prince's eyes darted from one crumbling, plant-covered building to the next. "Even though these buildings are ancient, there's something <em>eerily<em> familiar about them. I can tell the fire sages' temples are somehow descended from these."

Aang smiled. "Ok, we've learned something about architecture. Hopefully, we'll learn something about fire bending too." He lifted a finger. "The past can be a great teacher. WHOA!" His foot snagged a trip wire low to the ground and he fell forward.

Suddenly, the ground in front of the bald boy began to sink and revealed a small pit full of sharp black spikes. The nomad quickly blew out a large breath of air that stopped his fall and flung him to the other side of the ditch.

When the air bender landed, he stumbled and then immediately spun around. "Zuko! Thanks for standing there and doing nothing as I nearly fell onto death spikes! Last time I checked, you have amazing reflexes and can go from 0 to 80 in a heartbeat!"

The prince cringed. "Uh… yeah… If I'm gonna be part of your group, there's something you should know about my 'reflexes'…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Are you all ready for it? I mean really, really, really ready for it? Because what you're about to see is the first big W<em>S<em>hH scene that I ever noticed. Not only that, it is, by far, the stupidest and most idiotic event that has ever occurred in AtLA.**

**Worse than Appa's disappearances.**

**More ludicrous than anything the spirits have done.**

**Even harder to swallow than Katara not using the Oasis water on Jet.**

**Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, I give you: The dumbest moment in Avatar the Last Airbender.]]**

* * *

><p>After climb a series of stone stairs, Aang and Zuko reached the top to find a wall made of the same rock as the rest of the structure with. Within the wall lay several crafted designs as well as a large, gold-plated metal door. Meanwhile, a few yards in front of the door, a black-stone obelisk with a red gem at its top extended out of the ground.<p>

The bald nomad hurried towards the door and dropped his staff before tugging and the thin seam in the middle. When the entryway failed to budge, the boy glanced at his friend. "It's locked up!"

The prince stared at the tattooed youth. "Um… Why don't you just get around it some other way?"

Aang blinked twice. "What do you mean?"

"Are you serious?"

The monk nodded.

Zuko stared at the boy again. Then he looked at the door. Then he looked at the stone wall. Then he looked back at boy. "Aang…?"

"Yeah, Zuko?"

"Can you answer something for me?"

"Sure, I guess."

Zuko took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Who are you?"

Aang raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean 'who am I'? I'm Aang!"

"No. No. No. I meant, what's that special title you have that no one else in the world does?"

"Oh. I'm the avatar. You know tha-."

"And what makes being the avatar special?"

"Being the avatar means I can bend all four elements. Zuko, you know this! Why are you-?"

"And what are the four elements?"

"Air, water, earth, and-."

"Stop right there!" The prince held out his arms. "What was the last one you said?"

The monk raised an eyebrow. "Earth?"

"Yes. Now, please clarify 'earth' for me."

Aang scratched his head. "Well… I guess it refers to mud, sand, dirt, clay, stone, rocks, soil,-."

"Ok, ok. That's good enough." The scarred teen smiled. "Now, turn around and look at the door. Also, look _around_ the door." He watched the bald boy look at the wall. "Can you tell me anything that you, as the avatar, who can bend the four elements, one of them being earth, which includes rock and stone, could possibly do to get to the other side of that door? And to clarify: the door that is in the stone wall."

The monk stared at the barrier in front of him. "Hmmm…" He rubbed his chin. "Umm…" He scratched his head. "Err…" But then, the boy just sighed and turned back around. "Sorry, Zuko, but I don't see it."

The prince's body went limp as his skin turned pale.

"I mean, if Toph were here, she could bend the door open, but I'd hate to go all the way back to the temple and then come back just…"

As the Avatar continued to talk, Zuko's eye twitched.

"… I mean it would take almost a full day between flying there, resting up, and…"

The prince's then bared his teeth and started to let out a loud snarl.

"…plus Toph might…"

With red eyes, the scarred teen whipped out his dao swords.

)()()()()(

Covered from head to toe in the monk's blood, Zuko glared at the Avatar's friends as he stood on the main terrace of the Western Air Temple. "… and that's when I had to do it. The sheer stupidity..." He clutched his head. "… it was just too much."

Sokka nodded slowly. "We understand."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the green slime began to fill up the stone room and cover the statues of men performing fire bending moves, Aang and the traitor prince found themselves glued to crisscrossing bars in the ceiling. The Avatar frantically tugged, but the goo held him tight. "I can't move! Zuko, do something!"<p>

The scarred teen's eyes bulged. "Me? I can't move either!"

Moments later, the green slime filled the entire room and pushed the two boys' bodies against the bars until it suddenly stopped, leaving the young men's heads exposed.

The monk glanced at the prince. "It stopped."

"At least we have air. Maybe if we stay calm, we can figure a way out of this. Like if we call out for your bison. I'm sure if he stomped on some of these rocks surrounding the bars, they'd loosen and then we could get back to the air temple. Even if he doesn't hear us right away, at least by nightfall, he'll come flying around the city to make sure we're alright."

Aang sighed. "Yeah… Zuko? Remember that thing we told you that you need to know about if you're going to be part of Team Avatar?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Zuko and the Avatar walked down the stone steps that led to the Dragon's nest and stared at the chief of the Sun Warriors as the rest of the warriors stood in a large circle around them. "I can't believe there are still living dragons. My uncle Iroh said he faced the last dragon and killed it."<p>

Aang scratched his head. "Wait… that means he had to have lied."

The chieftain smiled. "_Actually_, it wasn't a total lie. Iroh was the last outsider to face the masters. They deemed him worthy and passed the secret onto him as well."

The prince's eyes widened. "He must have lied to protect them. So no one else would hunt them."

The Avatar raised an eyebrow. "'So no one else would hunt them'?"

The scarred teen glanced at the bald boy. "Uh… Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing's wrong with that. What's wrong is why anyone would believe him. I mean, don't you need the head of a dragon or their tongue or _something_ to show that you killed a dragon? Otherwise, why didn't every single person who had the same personality as Zhao just say, 'Hey, everyone, I killed a dragon! Since we don't need evidence to prove it, you'll just have to take my word'?"

"Well, my uncle was the crown prince at the time. So I think-."

"_You_ think there'd be _less_ demand on a Fire Nation prince? I don't know everything about your family, but you've told me a little bit about Fire Lord Azulon. Doesn't seem like the type to just take someone's word. Even his oldest son's."

Zuko rubbed his chin. "Maybe he bought or called in a favor from someone else who had actually killed a dragon. That'd make sense. After all, someone as well-traveled and known as my uncle could have quite a few big favors owed to him by powerful people."

"But then wouldn't others be suspicious? I mean, if this trophy is that big a deal, people're gonna put this thing on display to show off, right? And wouldn't the friends and family, plus everyone else who is highly critical of the royal family, notice it's suddenly gone when Iroh shows up with his?"

"He could've gotten a forgery from somewhere."

"I ask, again, the Zhao-personality argument."

Aang then held up his palms. "But, hey, I could be wrong. Maybe you don't need any proof at all that you achieved the greatest honor in the Fire Nation and, though the people Iroh traveled with might have followed his orders not to tell anyone about the dragons, it surprises me that this lack of evidence was enough to dissuade whoever informed him about the Sun Warriors and their dragons from spreading the news to anyone else."

The Avatar then rolled his eyes. "Kinda makes me think that, at any point during your banishment, you could've just said that you found and killed the avatar, then gone home."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: AND NOW FOR A SIX MONTH HIATUS!**

_**Toph: 'Six month hiatus' … How long have you been waiting to use that joke?**_

**50 weeks.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 14 & 15**

**The Boiling Rock Part 1 & Part 2**


	53. Book 3: Chapter 14 & 15

_Who's up for a stop at the Boiling Rock? That terrifying, heart-stopping prison that holds the worst and most vicious prisoners of in Fire Nation… as well as one of the most incompetent wardens ever?_

_Toph: Ouch. Doesn't sound like smooth sailing for Mai's uncle. Is it that bad?_

_Toph, say you were a warden and someone disguised themselves to sneak into your prison one day._

_Toph: I'd arrest him and put him in a cell._

_Good, good. Now, suppose on that same day that someone broke in, there was a breakout attempt. Who would be the first person you suspect as being part of that? Or at least question because it's very likely they're a part of it? Especially after the guy who tried to breakout said he had help from a guy disguised as a guard?_

_Toph: Good point. So the warden's in trouble today. What about Zuko and Sexy Stuff… I mean, Sokka?_

…

_Toph:…_

_I'm just going bleach that last part from my brain._

_Toph: Please do._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 14 & 15**

As the first light of the sun barely crept over the horizon at the Western Air Temple, Sokka tip-toed his way through the cluster of his sleeping friends and towards the slumbering sky bison. With a small backpack and his sword over his shoulder, he reached the six-legged beast and began climbing up the side. When the young warrior peaked over Appa's saddle, he saw Zuko sitting and glaring at him.

"Not up to anything, huh?"

The Water Tribe boy let out a small shout as he flailed his arms and let go of the saddle. As soon as he landed on the stone ground, he stared up at his scarred friend. "Fine. You caught me." He began colleting what he dropped. "I'm gonna rescue my dad. Happy now?"

"I'm never happy."

Sokka kept his eyes downcast. "Look, I have to do this. The invasion plan was _my_ idea. It was _my_ decision to stay when things were going wrong." He stood up and watched the traitor prince hop off of Appa. "It's my mistake. And it's _my_ job to fix it."

The young warrior stared the fire bender straight in the eyes. "I need to regain my honor." He gently pushed his new friend aside. "You can't stop me, Zuko."

The prince watched the other boy climb up the bison once more. "You need to regain your honor? Believe me, I get it. I'm going with you and so is everyone else on the team."

"No. I have to do this alone!"

"Sokka, regardless of how you get to the Boiling Rock, it's an enormous structure made out of metal and stone and it is surrounded by super-heated water. I understand that a stealth mission could work, but at the same time, having Haru, Toph, Katara, and the all-mighty Avatar with us can make a direct smash-in-and-grab tactic a lot easier. Believe me, they aren't equipped to handle something like that especially if we break a lot of the prisoners out of their cells while we're doing it."

The Water Tribe boy turned his head towards the prince and blinked twice. "So we combine my tactical skills with your basic knowledge of the prison and mix in the four members of our team who'd be able to take full advantage of the surrounding environment to make the mission extremely easy?" His mouth formed a bright smile. "That sounds like a really obvious idea that will make this whole situation get resolved with ease!"

"Indeed it does." Zuko nodded. "Now let's wait for the others to wake up, have some breakfast, and we'll depart."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the sun still rising into the sky, Aang finished his last set of fire fists and hot-squats and slowly exhaled. The young monk then wiped the sweat off his brow and furrowed his brow. "Today, I'm going to talk to her about it!" He closed his hands into fists and made his way over towards the fountain in the middle of one of the terraces where his water bending teacher stood and practiced her techniques. "Katara?"<p>

The Water Tribe girl glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "Hi, Aang. What's up?"

Hearing the voice of the girl he loved, the Avatar relaxed his body and smiled. "First off, I want to say that I perfectly understand why we didn't talk about the kiss we shared right before the invasion in the days following it. After all, with our friends and family captured plus the issue of Zuko joining our group; things were just too hectic and it was best to put our romantic lives on hold. However, now that a good amount of time has passed, we aren't dreading the fate of those we care about every waking minute, and Zuko has proven himself to be trustworthy, I feel we can take a small pause and discuss with one another how we really feel about each other."

The water being bent by Katara slowly fell back into the fountain and the girl rubbed her chin. "Hmmm… I'm going to say: no."

The bald boy's eyes widened. "What? But why?"

"Well, you've made a several really good points, but…"

"'But' what?"

The water bender shrugged. "I just don't feel like it."

As the nomad's jaw went slack, Sokka's sister calmly turned back around and resumed her bending.

"You know, Aang? I get the feeling that I'm going to be involved in an epically beautiful romance during my life. One that, and this just going on an intuition that I'm having, the spirits who determine our fates will say that the romance is the D.N.A. of the story that my life is a part of. They will literally use the phrase 'D.N.A. of the story' to define my romance. In other words, more than 95% of what happens in the story that my life is connected to wouldn't be able to happen if I weren't romantically involved with my future partner.

"Even if I was just traveling with that person but not in love with them, the story that my life is connected to just could never have possibly happened."

Katara turned her head again. "Don't you think that's wonderful, Aang?" She blinked twice when she saw no sign of her bald friend. "Aang? Aang, where'd you go? Aang?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Mike and Bryan: No matter how much they claim otherwise, DO NOT trust them to write a romance story for you.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Wearing a small Boiling Rock guard uniform, Sokka stood beside the scarred prince, who dawned a matching outfit. As the sun beat down on the prison, the Water Tribe boy scratched his head. "You know, I just realized something: For the most secure prison in the Fire Nation, the floor of the prison yard is made of stone, the building is surrounded by water that could scold someone's skin off, and that the guards here appear to be neither top-notch fire benders nor superb bare-fisted combatants. All-and-all, this place seems rather easily-conquerable by the super-strong people it's supposed to hold in custody."<p>

Zuko nodded and sighed. "Yeah, it's one of the things I need to set right when I become Fire Lord."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The traitor prince of the Fire Nation stood outside of Suki's cell as he heard her and the Water Tribe boy embrace one another. Just then, a female prison guard came up a nearby set of stairs. Zuko quickly tapped on the cell door as soon as the guard approached.<p>

"''Scuse me! I have to get into that cell!"

The prince tensed. "No, you can't go in there!" He glanced at the door. "The… lights are out… The prisoner could sneak up on you."

The guard gave the young man a light scowl. "Step aside, foolllllll!" The younger guard grabbed her arm and pulled her, face-first, into the wall. "Hey! Hey! What are you doing?" She then immediately grabbed her attacker's arm and spun him into the metal door.

Inside the prison cell, Sokka and his girlfriend sat with their backs pressed against the door. As the sounds of Zuko's struggle echoed in the small room, the Water Tribe warrior furrowed his brow and put on his guard helmet.

Back outside the cell, the traitor prince wrestled himself out of the prison guard's grasp. He then locked her arm in tight hold and bent her body backwards.

At that moment, the female guard spotted a short young man is a guard uniform moving along the catwalk. "Guard! Help! I think he's an imposter!" She grunted as she struggled against the disguised man. "Arrest him!" She saw the boy stand up straight and then freeze. "Get him off me and arrest him!"

The Water Tribe boy tensed up as he marched towards the struggle. As soon as he reached the two attackers, Sokka grabbed Zuko by the forearm and whipped him to the ground. "You're under arrest!"

A second later, the male warrior pulled the scarred prince to his feet and whispered in his ear. "Why, in all the spirits' names, didn't you just tell her that I was interrogating Suki about suspected contraband or something?"

The fire bender gritted his teeth and cringed.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The traitor prince of the Fire Nation leaned against the crimson metal wall of his prison cell as the door slid open. In the entry way stood a short bulky man with long brown hair with a top knot and a gold and red plate tied to his forehead. The man smirked as his black uniformed darkened the barely-lit room as two guards flanked the outside of the doorframe.<p>

"Well, well, well… I never thought I'd find you in here, Prince _Zuko_."

The teen's jaw slackened before he narrowed his eyes. "How did you know who I am?"

The man raised an eyebrow. "_How_ did I know who you are?" He stared at the teen before clearing his throat. "Well, Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…!" He took a deep breath.

"…uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh<br>hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
>hhhhhh!<p>

"Now behave yourself, 'cause you're my 'special' prisoner."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the night sky looming over the Boiling Rock, Chit Sang and the Kyoshi warrior stood on the small beach surrounding the prison as a cold wind blew through the air. Just then, they heard a strange noise above their heads and turned towards the cliffs behind them where they saw Sokka and Prince Zuko slowly rolling the metal cooler down the rocky slope. The two quickly hurried up the hill and helped brace the weight of the steel cylinder as it slid down.<p>

The full-grown fire bender scoffed. "Took you guys long enough." He then motioned his head towards a man and woman, both in prisoner outfits. "This here's my girl and my best buddy. They're coming too."

The Water Tribe warrior scowled as his eyes narrowed. "Fine… Wait a second…" He raised an eyebrow. "I _suppose_ I can understand maybe getting them out of their cells by knowing a trick or two that took you years to learn and you saved for just the right moment, but how did you get them outside the prison itself? I'm the one who got you two out."

Chit Sang smirked. "Diversion. I tricked a few others into getting out of their cells too." He then laughed. "Guards are probably ruthlessly beating them to a bloody pulp as we speak!"

Sokka and his two friends' eyes shot open as they stared at him. "So… what _were_ you put in the Boiling Rock for?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The morning sun began to rise over the Boiling Rock as Chit Sang, his girlfriend, and best friend drifted through the boiling lake in the metal cooler. The large man and his companions sweated profusely as he wiped his brow. "Arhhh… This current is so slow!" He stood up and began to pry a piece of metal off the door. "I can use this to <em>paddle<em>!" The slab of steel tore off as he said 'paddle' and the small craft rocked a bit.

The fire bender then dipped the metal plank into the water and paddled. However, as soon as he pulled back, the scorching-hot water splashed onto his hand. He snapped his hand up and clutched it as pain surged through his body. Within moments, he let out a loud scream that echoed throughout the volcano's mouth.

Up on the top walkway of the prison, a guard turned towards the sound of the scream, spotted Chit Sang's craft, and ordered two guards on an elevated platform to slam a large bell with hammers.

As the bell rang, the warden of the prison furrowed his brow. "Guards! Secure the perimeter and lockdown the prisoners! NOW!"

While the guards scrambled and used fire whips to herd the prisoners into their cells, the head of the prison ran up to where one of his men stood beside a giant metal harpoon. "Get the fugitives and throw them in the cooler!"

The guard beside the warden turned to his superior. "Uh… Don't you think we need to worry about this large, obviously complicated, machine being sabotaged in some small but effective way? I mean, it just stands to reason that if someone were preparing an escape plan from this place, they certainly couldn't miss this gigantic metal crossbow." The man rubbed his chin. "Though I suppose I'm saying that only if a guard were involved. I could see if it was prisoners only, but anyone who had the time to survey this place from up here could easily have spotted and hindered this while no one was looking."

The warden snarled. "Just fire the thing, you idiot!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[The most secure prison in the Fire Nation lets a duplicate scene happen the same time prisoners would have escaped.<strong>

**COINCIDENCE?**

_**Toph: Yeah, probably. Since this satire and the format for it wasn't even around until several years after the episode aired.**_

**Ugh… Way to ruin the moment.]]**

* * *

><p>The morning sun began to rise over the Boiling Rock as Chit Sang, his girlfriend, and best friend drifted through the boiling lake in the metal cooler. The large man and his companions sweated profusely as he wiped his brow. "Arhhh… This current is so slow!" He stood up and began to pry a piece of metal off the door. "I can use this to <em>paddle<em>!" The slab of steel tore off as he said 'paddle' and the small craft rocked a bit.

The fire bender then dipped the metal plank into the water and paddled. However, as soon as he pulled back, the scorching-hot water splashed onto his hand. He snapped his hand up and clutched it as pain surged through his body. Within moments, he let out a loud scream that echoed throughout the volcano's mouth.

Up on the top walkway of the prison, a guard turned towards the sound of the scream, spotted Chit Sang's craft, and ordered two guards on an elevated platform to slam a large bell with hammers.

As the bell rang, the warden of the prison furrowed his brow. "Guards! Secure the perimeter and lockdown the prisoners! NOW!"

While the guards scrambled and used fire whips to herd the prisoners into their cells, the head of the prison ran up to where one of his men stood beside a giant metal harpoon. "Get the fugitives and throw them in the cooler!"

The warden then snarled. "Oh, yeah! And make sure Prince Zuko, my very important, special prisoner, is in his cell at this very moment! It would be very stupid of me to not be suspicious of a break_in_ at a time like this!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the warden's newest set of prisoners lined up in front of him and a row of guards to his left, the head of the boiling rock began speaking. "Welcome to the Boiling Rock. I'm sure you've all heard the horrible rumors about our little island. Well I just want to tell you that they don't have to be true…" He then stopped in front of the chieftain of the Southern Water Tribe, who looked down at the ground. "… as long as you do everything I say."<p>

Hakoda continued to stare at the floor.

"Look me in the eye when I'm talking to you!"

Sokka's father turned his eyes away. "No."

The warden glared at the warrior. "Oh, you'd rather look at my shoes? Then take a look!" The head of the prison picked up his foot and snagged the chief's cuffs with it. The foot then stomped towards the ground and dragged the leader of the Southern Water Tribe down to his hands and knees.

With his foot pinning the chieftain to the ground, the warden glared. "I know exactly who you are, Hakoda of the Water Tribe. So strong-willed. But don't worry, we'll get rid of that in time. Now look me in the eye!"

Hakoda furrowed his brow and glared into the other man's eyes.

"See?" The warden smiled. "Isn't that better?" He then turned to the other prisoners. "You will all do as I say or pay the price!" The head of the prison turned away from them and began walking. "You will all-!"

Hakoda lifted his wrist and caught the warden's foot as he walked away, causing the man to trip and scream until he hit the ground.

Two guards immediately hurried to their boss's side. "Are you ok, Sir?"

The warden pushed himself up and pushed the two men away. "I'm fine!" He spun around. "Get these prisoners out of my sight!"

"Ok, but don't you want to personally punish the guy who tripped you? You know, since he did that to you and right in front of everyone?"

"No!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the crimson metal walls of the Boiling Rock, Hakoda sat on his cot and against the wall opposite the door as he curled up and buried his face in his arms. Suddenly, he heard the door open and shot up his head to see a young male guard entering his room.<p>

"Thank goodness you're ok!" The boy in the uniform walked towards the chief.

Immediately, the older Water Tribe warrior jumped to his feet and into a battle stance. "If you take one step closer, you'll see just how _ok_ I am."

Sokka stared at his father for a moment and raised an eyebrow under his helmet visor. "I'll 'see just how _ok_' you are? Look, I know you're high-strung right now and trying to hold back panic, but that was a REALLY bad comeback."

The chieftain shrugged. "Yeah, I'm not thinking that clearly. Just saying the immediate response to the first thing that's said."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The warden of the Boiling Rock slid open a door of his prison and watched two of his guards hold the strapped-in Chit Sang upside down in his wooden chair as the prisoner's head throbbed and turned bright red. "How is he?"<p>

One of the guards glanced at his boss. "I think he's ready to talk." He and his partner whipped the chair down on the floor and on all its legs as they smirked and crossed their arms.

As the color returned to his prisoner's cheeks, the warden approached the fire bender and leaned next to his ear. "Have you had enough time to _think_ about what I asked?"

Chit Sang looked at the ground. "Yes…"

"And…?"

"You're right. There was another person involved in the escape plan."

The warden put a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Who?"

"It's a guy who's disguised like a prison guard, only he's not a prison guard. _He's _the mastermind. _He_ came up with the plan."

The warden grinned and patted Chit Sang's head. As he began to walk way, one of his guards stopped him.

"Sir, shouldn't we get Prince Zuko here and interrogate him? I know your niece is talking to him right now, but this is rather important!"

The head of the Boiling Rock turned around and raised an eyebrow. "What? What would we need to talk to him for?"

"Are you serious? You don't find it in the least bit suspicious that Prince Zuko breaks into the prison less than a day before there's a breakout attempt and that this guard who's not really a guard is using the exact same trick that the prince used when he broke in?"

The warden rubbed his chin. "Hmmm…" He then folded his hands behind his back. "No, I don't find that suspicious at all. It's just a coincidence."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Out on the roof walkway of the Boiling Rock, the warden of the prison glared at a row of unmasked guards. As two masked guards held Chit Sang behind him, the head of the prison eyed everyone in front of him. "One of you is an imposter who thought he… could fool me." The guards marched Chit Sang forward. "But now, that person is going to be in a lot of trouble."<p>

Mai's uncle glared at the man who attempted to escape from his prison. "Who is it?"

Chit Sang slowly opened his eyes and saw Sokka trembling. The fire bender took a deep breath and pointed at the guard who threw him in the cooler yesterday. "That's him, Warden. He's the imposter!"

The eyes of the accused guard bulged. "What?"

The warden simply smirked and began walking away as his men hurried towards the suspected imposter. However, both men stopped.

"Um, sir? Shouldn't we get Chit Sang's girlfriend and best friend out here to corroborate one who the imposter is? I mean, it just stands to reason that a prisoner wouldn't want to give up the person who helped him almost escape if, for no other reason, that he might be able to help him escape again."

The warden rubbed his chin. "Hmmm…" He then folded his hands behind his back. "No, this will suffice. I trust Chit Sang completely and find no need to question a man who was sent to the cooler and tried to escape in the span of 24 hours."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Wearing his disguise, Sokka walked into the control room of the prison cells where a prison guard stood. "Hey, I just got…" He glanced out the room's window at the rows of cells. "…orders… Where are all the other guards?"<p>

The other man raised an eyebrow behind his mask. "What do you mean?"

The young warrior gestured out at the empty floors of catwalks. "I mean, we're looking at-

**[Yes, this happens.]**

**- **5 flights of prison cells right now and we're in the middle of a lockdown, but I don't see a single other guard around here. Where are they?"

"Didn't you eat lunch today kid? It was sloppy-bean taco day. Everyone's in the bathroom."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Sokka, his father, his girl friend, and Chit Sang hid during the midst of the riot in the prison yard, the traitor prince of the Fire Nation ran up to him. "Zuko! Good, we're all here!" He pointed towards the main tower of the prison. "Now all we have to do is grab the warden and get to the gondola."<p>

The scarred teen stared at his friend. "And how do we do that?"

Sokka blinked twice before his eyes widened. "I'm… not sure."

Zuko snarled. "I thought you thought this through!"

The Water Tribe boy flailed his arms. "I thought you told me it's ok not to think everything through!"

The prince raised an eyebrow. "When? When in Agni's name did I ever say that?"

Sokka began to shout, but stopped and rubbed his chin. "Actually… never. _Why_ did I think you said that?"

**[Zuko never says it.]**

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Chit Sang followed his new friends into the gondola, he carried the warden on his back and glanced at the riot in the yard below. He then thought to himself, <em>Oh yeah… my girlfriend and best buddy were down there when they let everyone out into the yard. Funny how I took the effort to get them out of their cells but not have them come up several flights of stairs.<em>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sokka held his meteorite sword tight as he and the traitor prince battled Princess Azula on the roof of the gondola. "Quick, Zuko, just throw all the random fire balls you can at her so she falls of since she's so close to the edge and since she can't do the same because we have more room to dodge and she could hit Ty Lee behind us!"<p>

Zuko shook his head. "No! I'm just going to fire on or two at a time!"

"I hate you so much!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the captured gondola, the warden of the Boiling Rock struggled against his fabric bindings as three of his captures battled on the roof and the other two tilted their heads out the window and upwards. As soon as he freed his hands, he ran towards the window and yanked off his mouth gag. "Cut the line!" The head of the prison then felt Chit Sang grab him and throw his arm over his mouth.<p>

Back at the gondola station at the prison, three guards glanced at one another.

"He wants us to cut the line."

"But, if we cut the line, there's no way anyone on board will survive."

The third guard lowered the telescope in front of his eye. "He knows."

"Ok… but the princess is on the gondola too. That's why I said 'anyone on board will' and not 'he will.' I mean, we could say that Azula and her friend were knocked into the lake before we cut the line, but are we really going to do that? To murder kids? Especially ones who are earnest heroes of our country?"

The third guard nodded. "Yeah."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The gondola docked on the outer rim of the volcano and Suki, Sokka, Zuko, Hakoda, and Chit Sang, carrying the warden, rushed out. However, Hakoda glanced at the large fire bender and pointed back at the cable car.<p>

The chieftain watched his new ally throw the head of the Boiling Rock back inside the gondola and run off. "Sorry, Warden, your record is officially broken." Hakoda then hurried after the others, leaving the warden struggling against his bindings.

Meanwhile, Suki glanced at her boyfriend as they ran down the mountain path. "Well, we made it out! Now what?"

Sokka slowed down and glanced at the traitor prince, who stared back at the prison. "Zuko, what are you doing?"

The scarred teen turned to the Water Tribe boy. "My sister was on that island."

"Yeah, and she's probably right behind us, so let's not stop!"

"What I mean is, she must have come here somehow!" The young fire bender ade a quick dash over a small hill and spotted a giant war balloon anchored to a stone pier. "There! That's our way out of here!"

Suki raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "You mean you and your dad didn't bother with that subtle, tiny, kinda-important detail of 'how we get out of here'?"

The Water Tribe boy cringed and forced a weak smile on his face.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On the upper walkway of the Boiling Rock, Azula watched two guards hold her knife-throwing friend as the acrobat stood beside her. "Leave us alone."<p>

The guards let go of Mai, bowed, and then walked off.

The princess glared at her friend and then lowered her eyes. "I never expected this from you." She then looked up. "The thing I don't understand is _why_! Why would you do it? You knew the consequences?"

Mai stood still for a moment. "I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

Azula snarled and bared her teeth. "No, _you_ miscalculated! You should have feared me more!"

The princess dropped into a fighting stance as the dagger-thrower pulled out a thin blade out of her sleeve. Azula's eyes widened, but she immediately thrust her arm forward, however, at that moment, Ty Lee struck the fire bender several times and paralyzed her body.

As Ozai's daughter fell, Ty Lee rushed over to the knife-wielder. "Come on! Let's get out of here!"

Mai stood frozen as the aura-seer shook her, but soon broke out of her trance just as a dozen guards surrounded her and her friend.

Azula snarled. "You're all fools!"

Two guards picked up the fire bender as one of the ones that captured Mai and Ty Lee turned towards her. "What shall we do with them, Princess?"

Azula glared at the officer. "How 'bout you frisk them this time to make sure they don't have any more weapons on them! 'Specially the same weapon they used to take out twenty of you with ease!"

The princess grumbled. "Freakin' morons…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[But wait! There's more!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>On the upper walkway of the Boiling Rock, Azula watched two guards hold her knife-throwing friend as the acrobat stood beside her. "Leave us alone."<p>

The guards let go of Mai, bowed, and then walked off.

The princess glared at her friend and then lowered her eyes. "I never expected this from you." She then looked up. "The thing I don't understand is _why_! Why would you do it? You knew the consequences?"

Mai stood still for a moment. "I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

Azula snarled and bared her teeth. "No, _you_ miscalculated! You should have feared me more!"

The princess dropped into a fighting stance as the dagger-thrower pulled out a thin blade out of her sleeve. Azula immediately thrust her arm forward, however, at that moment, Ty Lee struck the fire bender several times and paralyzed her body.

As Ozai's daughter fell, Ty Lee rushed over to the knife-wielder. "Come on! Let's get out of here!"

Mai stood frozen as the aura-seer shook her, but soon broke out of her trance just as a dozen guards surrounded her and her friend.

Azula snarled. "You're all fools!"

Two guards picked up the fire bender as one of the ones that captured Mai and Ty Lee turned towards her. "What shall we do with them, Princess?" He watched the princess glare at him for a moment. "Princess?"

Azula slowly exhaled. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you all showed up when you did. But when did 'Leave us alone' translate into 'just move a few yards away so you can easily come back'?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aboard the stolen war balloon, inside the bridge, Zuko approached Sokka as the Water Tribe boy piloted the craft. "Hey, got a minute?"<p>

The young warrior shrugged. "Sure."

"I know Chit Sang helped us get out of the prison, so I suppose we do owe him his freedom. But, before we take him to our secret hideout where the Avatar himself his hiding, shouldn't we try to find out a little more about him? Most importantly, what he was in prison for? I mean, it don't think you would get sent to the Boiling Rock for pick-pocketing."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow… This one was longer than the Season 1 finale. Oh, but so worth it. I know so many of you had to have been asking yourselves why, oh why did Zuko let Sokka go with just him as back up. Now how many of you wondered where the heck Chit Sang's friends went? What about why the guards were willing to cut the line when Azula and Ty Lee were on the gondola?**

_**Toph: Also, was it just me, or did they say the word 'gondola' way too many times in that episode?**_

**Yeah, I think it was one of those moments where the writers just wanted to show off that they've read a thesaurus at some point in their lives.**

_**Toph: Psssh… Reading! Whoever heard of anyone enjoying anything they read? Only total losers ever read.**_

… **Please don't insult my fanbase.**

_**Toph: Awww… Dave! It was so subtle, they would have missed it!**_

**Who in the world would miss that?**

_**Toph: Same people who'd move only a few feet away when their princess orders them to leave.**_

**Touche. And on that note, make sure you've watched the entire series over again so you can enjoy it one last time. Because the finale's going to change it all for you.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to tune in next week for Book 3: Chapter 16**

**The Southern Raiders**


	54. Book 3: Chapter 16

_The Southern Raiders!_

_The Southern Raiders!_

_The Southern Raiders!_

_The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The Southern Raiders! The-!_

_Toph: Ehem… Please excuse Dave's outbursts and continued screaming. He is excited that we have come to the conclusion of the Zuko Field Trips mini arc and thus, there's only one more chapter between where we are now and-._

_SOZIN'S COMET!_

_Woo woo woo woo woo woo!_

_Toph: … the finale. So we'd like for all of you to hang on tight and sit back as we bring you the last of the episodes in which Princy-Pie gets one-on-one time with the other members of GAang. Well, almost all of them._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Book 3: Chapter 16**

As the Fire Nation war balloons laid siege to the Western Air Temple, Zuko stared at the stone blast doors that shielded him and his new friends from the bombs. Just then, he heard Aang shouting at him.

"What are you doing?" The monk loosened his grip on his bison's reins

The prince turned his head to the boy. "Go ahead! I'll hold them off!" The scarred teen then turned back towards the enemy air vessels. "I think this is a family visit." He dashed forward.

Aang stretched out his arm. "Zuko! No!" Suddenly, Sokka and his sister grabbed him.

"Come on! We've gotta get out of here!"

The Avatar's fire bending teacher hurried through an exploded gap in the storm walls and made it onto the terrace just as a bomb erupted. The prince leapt through the smoke of the blast and launched several fire balls at the air ships.

Just then, the attacking stopped and Ozai's son watched as another large war balloon rose up the canyon. At the top of a lookout post on the large blimp, the scarred fire bender saw the fierce grin of his sister as she stared back at him. "What are you doing up there?"

Azula laughed, but then stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's the first question you ask? Not 'what did you do to my girlfriend who committed treason and personally betrayed you at a maximum security prison that's surrounded by scorching-hot water'?"

Zuko scratched his head. "Well, I suppose I should ask that. But I was more curious as to why you were lobbing bombs, which aren't doing that much damage to the temple, when you could be using your highly accurate, much more powerful, and no real strain on you to use lightening to take this place down."

Ursa's daughter stood still for a few moments and then narrowed her eyes. "Touché, Zuzu."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang felt the Western Air Temple collapsing around him as he and his Water Tribe friends tugged on his sky bison's reins towards Toph and Haru's tunnel. However, the six-legged beast pulled back and away from the underground passage. "I can't get him to go in there! Appa <em>hates<em> tunnels!"

Toph snarled. "Then tell Appa to shut up and deal with it for three minutes!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[The Fire Nation has a special division for the South Pole. This scene has a special division for how dumb it is.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Aang felt the Western Air Temple collapsing around him as he and his Water Tribe friends tugged on his sky bison's reins towards Toph and Haru's tunnel. However, the six-legged beast pulled back and away from the underground passage. "I can't get him to go in there! Appa <em>hates<em> tunnels!"

From beside the monk, Katara tugged on the bison's rope as her eyes turned to the boy. "Aang, there's no way we can fly out of here!"

The Avatar relaxed his grip and lowered his head. "We'll have to find a way."

On the opposite side of his sister, Sokka furrowed his brow. "We need to split up." He turned around and rushed towards the tunnel entrance where all the others stood. "Get to the stolen airship."

Katara spun her head. "No!" She walked towards her father. "The Fire Nation _can't_ separate our family again!"

The young Water Tribe Warrior put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "That's not going to happen."

"It won't?"

"No. We'll just set up a rendezvous point right now before we separate."

The water bender's face beamed. "Wow! That's a great idea!"

Hakoda cringed. "Uh… actually… no we can't."

Sokka raised an eyebrow at his father. "Why not? There's time. We just name a location right now."

"Well… uh… the Fire Nation could follow one group and catch the other."

Katara scratched her head. "But if the Fire Nation was going to catch one group, they'd either have Aang and not bother with you guys or announce that they have hostages for us to go after as bait."

"Um… Yeah… but…" The Water Tribe chief put a hand on this daughter's shoulder. "Don't worry! Won't be forever!" He then quickly dashed down through the tunnel with Chit Sang running alongside him.

As the two rushed through the corridor, the middle-aged fire bender glanced at the elder Water Tribe warrior. "Were you just trying to get away from your kids?"

"Yes."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The princess of the Fire Nation saw the Avatar's bison burst out of the collapsing Western Air Temple with a small rock barricade in front of his head. She immediately launched several blue fire balls at the flying beast, but the stone shield easily absorbed the blasts and the Avatar's pet flew straight past her. The female fire bender smirked as she watched the Avatar and his friends drop the rock barricade and began flying towards the other war balloons.<p>

A moment later, Ozai's daughter raised an eyebrow and turned around to see her brother standing on the top of another airship that rose up above her own. The two siblings glared at one another for a few seconds until Azula put her hands on her hips. "Regardless of how you happened to land on that war balloon, since all of mine should be up here with me and if that was the one you stole from me, I'd have seen it when my ships were climbing up the canyon and destroyed it or taken it back, aren't you going to call out to the Avatar to come help you? Having the sky bison could really help in an aerial fight and they will have to come around to save you anyway!"

Ursa's son crossed his arms. "Disregarding why you aren't either shooting this war balloon down 'cause it's the one I stole or shouting at the people on board to make a sharp turn to cause me to fall, why aren't you shooting the Avatar's bison with lightening? Even if they dodge, you know how to aim so that you won't hit any of your airships and I know you're fast enough that you could have made and shot a lightening bolt when they were escaping from the temple."

Azula narrowed her eyes at her brother. Then she lowered herself into a fighting stance and wore a small grin. "It might actually be fun this time, Zuzu."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Atop a Fire Nation airship, Zuko and his sister's punches collided and exploded, sending both siblings rocketing away in opposite directions. Both he and the princess pressed their hands against the blimp's surface, but both continued to skid until the force flung them from the side of the air craft.<p>

The prince's eyes widened in shock as he and the princess began to freefall. However, Appa, carrying the Avatar and his friends, flew underneath Zuko. He reached out his hands and took Katara's as she pulled him into the saddle. Then, he turned around and watched his sister drop down the canyon. "So, Aang? Just so I'm clear, you don't care that she's dying, right? I mean, I just wanna know where you stand on this. 'Cause you could easily turn around right now and I don't think she'd attack, since, as far as we know, we're her only means of survival. Just wanna know."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang, his three teachers, and the two young warriors sat around a small fire under a twilight sky while his bison and lemur sat some distance away and slept. With all of their tents set up around their circle, the young monk chuckled. "Wow… camping! It really seems like old times again doesn't it?"<p>

Zuko fiddled with a piece of bread and broke it. "If you really want it to feel like old times I could… uh…" He smirked. "…chase you around a while and try to capture you."

Katara glared into the fire as the others laughed. "Ha… ha…"

Sokka's laugh quieted down and he picked up his cup. "To Zuko! Who knew that after all those times he tried to snuff us out, today, he'd be our hero?"

Aang, Toph, and Suki raised their cups. "Hear! Hear!"

The prince simpered as the Avatar and the blind girl lightly knocked his arms. "I'm touched. I don't deserve this."

The water bender kept her eyes narrowed as she stared at the scarred boy. "Yeah. No kidding." She then stood up and walked away from the campsite.

The Water Tribe warrior raised an eyebrow at his sister. "What's with her?"

Zuko pushed himself to his feet. "I wish I knew." He then followed after Katara as her brother's eyes widened.

"What's with him?"

A few moments later, under a near-full moon, Zuko approached the Water Tribe girl as she sat on a large rock close to a cliff. As he moved closer, he saw her take her eyes away from the ocean and glance at him before scowling and walking a few feet away. "This isn't fair!" The prince flailed his arms open. "Everyone else seems to trust me now. What is it with you? You should be just as accepting by now!"

Katara spun around and glared at the scarred teen. "Oh, everyone trusts you _now_?"

"Yes. And-."

"I was the fist person to trust you, remember? Back in Ba Sing Se?"

"I remember that, Katara. But I also-."

"And you turned around and betrayed me! Betrayed all of us!"

The fire bender held out his arms. "Whoa. Whoa. I didn't betra-!"

"But if you really wanna make it right…!" The water bender began strutting forward. "…maybe you could re-conquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth king!" She stopped right in front of the prince's face. "Or, I know,…" Her face contorted as a twisted smile formed. "You could bring my mother-!"

"You ratted me out to my sister!"

Katara's face turned blank as she blinked twice. The young man in front of her narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Oh, didn't think Azula would tell me how she knew my uncle and I were in Ba Sing Se? Or that I wouldn't ask her about it?"

The Water Tribe girl cringed and took a step back.

"And you have the gall to constantly accuse me. Constantly berate me. And constantly forget that I didn't swear loyalty to you and your friends after you never went ahead with the thing _you_ offered to do! Was I supposed to just betray everyone in the Fire Nation who had bowed down to me since I was born just so I could have my pretty face back? I joined you guys now 'cause I see that balance is best for everyone, including my people."

Zuko scoffed as the water bender continued to shrink back. "Do you remember what happened the last time our paths crossed before Ba Sing Se? You were offering to heal my uncle! How did 'Oh, I guess I can trust him enough to heal his mentor' turn into 'By the spirits! He's serving tea! Teaaaaaaa!'"

The Fire Nation boy dropped his arms. "Seriously, Katara, even the name was designed to attract attention! 'The Jasmine Dragon' is probably the worst name to give a store that you want to use as a base of operations to infiltrate an enemy city! It's not like it was called 'Evil Zuko and Evil Iroh's Evil Tea Shop… of Evil'! _That_ would've been a less attention-grabbing name!

"So how's about you drop the self-righteous act. Drop the accusations. And drop this weird mentality you have, which says that everything you and your little friends do is right and everyone else is wrong and evil because they couldn't possibly just be fighting for the cause they believe in instead of the one you believe in!"

The prince then turned and walked away.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Sokka lay down on his stomach, propped up by his elbows, within his candle-lit tent as he heard the entryway being opened. Clasping a rose between his teeth, the Water Tribe warrior slowly turned his head. "Well hellooooo…" His eyes bulged and his jaw crushed the flower when he saw the Fire Nation prince standing in front of him. "Uhhh… Zuko! <em>Yes<em>! _Why would I be expecting anyone different_?" He sat up and cringed as he swallowed the rose stem. "Ack… So what's on your mind?"

The fire bender sat on the small rug in his friend's tent. "Your sister. She hates me. And I don't know why! But I do care what she thinks of me."

The Water Tribe boy raised an eyebrow. "Really? You don't know? 'Cause I seem to recall her shouting at you about trust and falling for tricks and Ba Sing Se. And, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I could pretty clearly hear my sister yelling at you about how she was pissed about what happened back in Ba Sing Se. So, if I were to wager my life to a copper piece, I'd say she's mad about whatever happened in Ba Sing Se."

The scarred teen blinked twice. "Wow… I can't believe I missed that. Thanks, Sokka."

The male warrior smiled. "Noooo problem!" He scooted closer to Zuko and put his arm around the other boy's shoulder. "Thanks for stopping by!" He then opened up the tent flap and pushed his friend out.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The morning sun shined over the tiny island the Avatar and his friends used as a camp as Katara marched towards the monk and his bison with the traitor prince in tow. "I need to borrow Appa."<p>

Aang chuckled. "Why? Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?"

"Yes. It is."

The tattooed youth heard the tone in her voice and spun around with wide eyes. "Oh. What's going on?"

The water bender kept her brow furrowed as she spoke. "We're going to find the man who took my mother from me."

Zuko adjusted the bag over his shoulder. "Sokka told me the story of what happened." He saw the Water Tribe boy approaching. "I know who did it. And I know how to find him."

The Avatar tensed. "Um… And what, exactly, do you think this will accomplish?"

Katara glared at her student for a moment. Then she scoffed and shook her head. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She began walking away.

The nomad took a few steps after his water bending teacher. "Wait! Stop! I do understand! You're feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sand benders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?"

The Fire Nation teen gestured out with his free arm. "She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure… and justice."

Aang stared back at his newest teacher. "I don't think so. I think this is about getting revenge."

With her back to her friends, the water bender tightened her fists. "Fine! Maybe it is! Maybe that's what I _need_! Maybe that's what he deserves."

The monk slowly shook his head. "Katara, I'm pleading with you. The spirits who determine our fates and the fates of everyone in this world don't feel this is right." He then lightly shrugged. "I mean, it's not like this person said your make-up looked ugly, then those same spirits would be fine with you beating him up and even damaging public property to do so. Or he kicked you out of a party he invited you to because you assaulted his friend. I have a feeling the spirits would be ok with you attacking him for that."

Katara spun around and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>A very young Katara as well as everyone around her watched snow mixed with soot fall onto their small village in the South Pole. The tiny water bender immediately looked at her brother. "I'm going to find mom." She then dashed past him, several igloos and a few brown tents as she ran towards the large igloo in the center of the village. Several people hurried past her as sulfur bombs struck the village's outer wall.<p>

After a few moments, the small Water Tribe girl reached the central igloo and whipped away the cloth that covered the entrance. "Mom!" She burst in but then stopped. Her eyes widened and her body began to shake as a man in a dark and crimson armor stood in front of a Water Tribe woman who wore a bright blue parka and stood on one knee.

The woman turned her eyes to the young Katara and then back to the man. "Just let her go and I'll give you the information you want."

The man glared at the child. "You heard your mother. Get out of here!"

Katara clutched her hands in front of her chest. "Mom… I'm confused…"

Kya stared softly into her daughter's eyes. "Go find your dad, Sweetie."

"But I don't understand…"

The Fire Nation soldier created flames around his fist. "You'd better start understanding real fast or I'll-!"

"Mommy, how did he get in here?"

Both Kya and the man blinked twice. "What? He snuck in, Honey. Now, hurry and-!"

"Ok, but how? The three colors in this village are blue parkas, white snow, and thin brown tents." Katara pointed at the man. "This guy's wearing imposing black and red armor. He's not covered up by any of our clothes that he could have taken from other prisoners. He's not wearing camouflage gear. It's big. It's showy. And it's the opposite of every color around here."

The small girl scratched her head. "I mean, it's clear that he came here before the people that are attacking us now, probably on a small row boat that, I suppose, he could have used to avoid our lookouts. But still, I just ran past at least half-a-dozen neighbors and friends. How could everyone in the village, even if he came in during the attack, did this guy evade everyone and sneak in?"

Kya and the man stared at her daughter, then at one another.

The Fire Nation soldier then motioned his head towards the young water bender. "Your daughter has quite a large vocabulary for someone her age."

Katara's mother shrugged. "All from good parenting."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a dark sky and in the middle of the ocean, several Fire Nation soldiers sat or stood in a small circle and casually ate their meals on the deck of the Southern Raiders' lead ship as one of them talked to the others. "So there I was, and I was like, you know how-." Suddenly, a large tentacle made of water emerged from the waves and yanked into the sea as he screamed.<p>

The other soldiers raced over to side their comrade fell off of and peered over the ledge. At that moment, the soldier at the end closest to the front of the ship glanced at the others.

"Just a thought. I know we haven't come up against water benders in a while, but don't you think that, as a special division that's charged with attacking the South Pole to catch water benders, we should be well-conditioned to react to a water bending attack, shouldn't we?"

All rest of the soldiers looked at one another and then nodded just as an enormous wave struck their boat and flung them off the poop deck.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Under a grey sky in a mountain village, Yon Rha tended to his small garden. With a deep frown on his face, he looked up at the ashen sky that hung over the house he shared with his mother. "You know, after being in the Fire Nation navy for so long that I was in command of a specialized division for at least 6 years, one would think I'd get a pension that would let me live a better life than this after retirement."<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Years ago, inside the central igloo of the Southern Water Tribe, Yon Rha glared at a small girl in a blue parka as her mother pleaded to him.<p>

"Just let her go and I'll give you the information you want."

The Fire Nation soldier kept his eyes glued on the little girl. "You heard your mother. Get out of here!"

The small child clutched her hands in front of her chest. "Mom… I'm scared."

The mother continued to stare softly at her child. "Go find your dad, Sweetie. I'll handle this."

Once the little girl left the house of snow, Yon Rha turned back towards the woman. "Now, tell me, _who is it_? _Who's_ the water bender?"

The woman stared him right in the eye. "There are no water benders here." She narrowed her eyes. "The Fire Nation took them all away a long time ago!"

"You're lying! My source says there's one water bender left in the Southern Water Tribe. We aren't leaving until we find the water bender!"

The mother's gaze weakened. "If I tell you, do you promise to leave the rest of the village alone?" She lowered her head.

The Fire Nation soldier nodded.

"It's me." The Water Tribe woman looked up. "Take _me_ as your prisoner."

Yon Rha clicked his tongue. "Oh. Well, then I guess what happened makes perfect sense."

The woman blinked twice. "What do you mean?"

"When I came in here, you were naturally frightened and, seeing how there are four exits in this igloo, it would've been the smart and painfully obvious move to rush out or call for help. Seeing as you are the water bender I'm looking for, though, you reasoned that I might be looking for him or her so you chose not to call anyone in or flee for fear that anyone who comes to your aid might reveal who you are. But, again, the fact that you are the water bender makes so much sense."

Yon Rha chuckled and thumbed towards the exit behind him. "But, shucks, if it were anyone else, even that little girl. Your first reaction really should have been to just run out of here and scream for help, since you had no idea that little girl would be coming in here. You may have gotten injured, but the wound would heal on its own and it would alert the real water bender, even if it was that little girl, not to come in here. Especially when I first came in and my comrades were just beginning the attack, which you couldn't have known about since you couldn't see the soot-snow falling from in here, your much, much, _much_ smarter option would be to try to grab any one of the numerous objects lying around the room and throw at me, use the distraction to run, and proceed to get help."

Kya's eyes widened and then she smacked her forehead.

The fire bender raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"In a few moments, nothing and everything."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Rain poured down from the sky as the water bender melted the large ice blades that nearly impaled Yon Rha. Immediately, the old fire bender dropped to his hands and knees and frantically shook his head. "I did a bad thing! I know I did! And you deserve revenge! So why don't you take my mother? That would be fair!"<p>

Katara stood tall as she kept her eyes lowered to the ground. "I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing." She raised her head and glared at her mother's killer. "But now that I see you, I think I understand. There's just _nothing_ inside you. Nothing at all! You're pathetic and sad and empty!"

The former naval officer remained on his knees. "Please, spare me." He then began to cry.

"As much as I hate you…" The water bender's body began to tense. "… I just can't do it!" She lowered her head.

A small smile formed on the former Fire Nation soldier's face as he began to hysterically chuckle. However, his eyes widened when he saw the boy beside her with his mask lowered. He watched the scarred teenager glance at the girl and then at him. The old fire bender immediately lowered his head, but then he thought, _Wait a minute, I know who that is…_

The former soldier raised his head just as the boy turned around and began walking away with the water bender. At that moment, Yon Rha stopped crying and his hands clenched into fists as he bared his teeth and glared at Ozai's son. "You deserve that scar, you pathetic excuse for a prince!"

Zuko and Katara spun around as the young fire bender snarled. "Do you _want_ to die today?"

Yon Rha pushed himself up and narrowed his eyes. "No! But I do want you to realize something! Do you know how many years I gave of my life to the Fire Nation military? How many times I pushed myself and risked life and limb for the glory and honor of my nation? Do you think you get to be the head of a specialized division that's responsible for neutralizing threats from an entire part of the world by not doing that?"

The retired leader of the Southern Raiders pointed at the water bender. "Now you're willing to kill me, a dedicated, sacrificing soldier, just to gain some kind of victory with her! Any of that sounding familiar? And don't think I don't know how you got that mark on your face! Old-nobodies in the middle of the Earth Kingdom know it!"

The traitor prince's legs began to shake as and Katara quickly ran next to him.

The water bender braced him against her body. "Wh… what's wrong? What is it?"

The ex-naval officer kept his gaze on the traitor prince. "Now, I don't know what she told you about what I did or what happened between me, her, and her mother, so I'll forgive you for hunting me down. But the second! The literal _second_ that you heard my side of the story! My side that told you that I was following orders to take out a credible threat! My side that told you that I was deep in enemy territory and that taking the bender out alive would've been near impossible and the time it would have taken would've endangered my troops! The second you heard that, you should have stopped this girl and tried to make sure you knew what really happened that day so that you could make the right decision!

"But you didn't. You did exactly what that general in that war room did on that day. I can see it in your eyes: Winning a measure of respect from this girl was a near-impossible obstacle in your path so you decided to sacrifice a man who loved and defended the Fire Nation to overcome it! So, yes, you deserve that scar. But there's something else you deserve. You deserve a message, one single message from the hearts, minds, and memories of the entire 41st division."

Yon Rha glared at the boy. "Fuck you, Zuko."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And with that, we conclude Zuko's field trips. You know, I have to say, the thing that disappointed me the most about this mini-arc was the fact that we really didn't see Aang firebend at all. I mean, there are so many fan fics that got made during the six-month hiatus that had cool plans for infiltrating the Boiling Rock and attacking the killer of Katara's mom. All of them included Aang using firebending and bringing **the whole GAang along**.**

_**Toph: Interesting that you let the flashback go the way you did. Usually you just vaguely describe them.**_

**Yeah, usually I just breeze through flashbacks, but with Yon Rha's the jokes just work better when I explained the whole thing. It makes for a longer read, but I think it works better this way.**

_**Toph: I'm glad you down-played his 'horrible monster' status. Mostly 'cause Mike and Bryan did too. I mean, every time Kya was talked about before TSR, it made the murder sound like it was committed by either this fierce warrior or a cold-blooded monster. But when Yon Rha finally shows up, he's just affably evil at most. In truth, when they first showed him in that village, I felt sorry for him.**_

**I know what you mean and it's a big problem Mike and Bryan have. In flashbacks, lots of people are seen as horrible monsters who don't deserve the air they breathe. But when you see them in the present, they're semi-decent people.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for**

**The Deleted Scenes**

** What, you're surprised? Was I supposed to make fun of the Ember Island Players?**


	55. The Deleted Scenes

_Alright, boys and girls. Since making a satire of The Ember Island Players makes as much sense as spoofing Robin Hood: Men in Tights, I decided instead to show you guys the scenes that didn't make it into the satire itself. There are-._

_Toph: Question!_

_Um… ok. What's your question?_

_Toph: If these scenes are being put into this chapter and this chapter is part of the satire, doesn't that mean that the scenes made it onto the satire?_

…

_Alright, the scenes that didn't make it into their respective chapters. Better?_

_Toph: Yes, you may proceed._

_Thanks. As I was saying, there are several reasons you'll find that different scenes were discarded… until now… Fourth-wall breaking, different kinds of humor, and, there are even some I didn't notice when I made the original chapter. Hope you guys enjoy._

_Oh, P.S. Any fourth-wall breaking in this chapter doesn't officially count because this chapter is about things that didn't make it into the satire proper._

**The Deleted Scenes of What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender**

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: Imprisoned<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Way too out of character and I also noticed that sexual harassment doesn't seem to exist in the AtLA world. So for Tyro to be the one to do this seemed to go against the social mores, which are Mike and Bryan's to define.**

* * *

><p>In the center of the prison yard on the giant metal rig, Katara sat between Haru and Tyro as the teen's father crossed his arms. "If you don't mind me asking, what's your escape plan?"<p>

The middle-aged man raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You know, the plan to get everyone off the rig? What is it? Mutiny? Sabotage?"

"_The plan_? The plan is to survive. Wait out this war." Tyro turned away. "Hope that some of us can get back home and forget this ever happened."

Hakoda's daughter threw out her arms as she stared at the man. "How can you say that? You sound like you've already given up!"

Haru's father looked at her again. "Katara, I admire your courage and I envy your youth." He turned away once more. "But people's lives are at stake here. The warden is a ruthless man and he won't stand for any rebellion. I am sorry…" the man closed his eyes, "…but we're powerless."

The Water Tribe girl furrowed her brow and stood. "We'll see about that."

Katara grabbed a rusty metal lid and a spoon as she stormed towards a large table and climbed on top of it. She then looked out at the crowd of long-faced Earth Kingdom citizens and banged the cover with the utensil. "Earth benders! You don't know me, but I know of you! Every child in my Water Tribe village was rocked to sleep with stories of the brave Earth Kingdom and the courageous earth benders who guard its borders!"

Above the girl, the warden watched from a balcony and saw a soldier moving out of the corner of his eye. He then pointed at the girl and four guards rushed her.

"Some of you think the Fire Nation has made you powerless. _Yes_, they have taken away your- Hey!" Katara frantically fought against the guards who grabbed her. "Hey, let go! Someone help!" However, no one moved.

As Tyro watched the girl being dragged away, he sighed and shook his head. "What'd she expect? I clearly said that the warden doesn't stand for any rebellion." His son mimicked his gesture.

The old earth bender then sighed. "And I was hoping to rape her too."

Haru's eyes widened. "WHAT?"

"What do you mean 'what'? Look around you, boy! This is a prison and it's full of old and ugly people who've been stuck here for years. Heck the only reason you haven't taken a pounding yet's 'cause you're my kid and I'm top rabbit-dog around here. I've been watching your back."

The young earth bender began to tremble. "I… I can't believe what I'm hearing…"

"Well, you best believe it and best stick close. I've seen the way some of these people are looking at you."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: Winter Solstice: Part 2<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Actually, it just didn't occur to me at the time.**

* * *

><p>After the Avatar, his friends, and his bison flew through the long rows of ships that made up the Fire Navy blockade, Commander Zhao's lieutenant approached the superior officer. "Where do you think the Avatar is headed, Sir?"<p>

Zhao glanced towards Zuko's boat. "I'm not sure. But I bet a certain banished prince will know."

On the scarred teen's craft, Iroh's eyes widened. "We're on a collision course!"

The banished prince clenched his fist. "We can make it!"

Back aboard the commander's vessel, the lieutenant stood in front of several columns of armored soldiers. "The boarding party is ready to apprehend Prince Zuko, Sir."

The commander held up an arm. "Wait! Cut the engines and let them pass."

The lieutenant's body jumped in shock. "Sir?"

A few moments later, the commander's boat and the one across from in the blockade screeched to a halt. Moments later, the banished prince and Zhao glared at each other as the scarred boy's vessel passed through the opening in the blockade.

However, behind the fleet commander, the lieutenant raised an eyebrow. "Ok, I'm not going to question how we were able to come to a sudden stop on water, even though I'm pretty sure cutting the engine on a ship doesn't do that and your momentum is conserved for some distance. After all, in this world of magical bending and spirits, there might be some trick of engineering or physics that I'm just not aware of. So I'll let it slide.

"I'm also not going to question why everyone didn't suddenly jerk forward, since the sudden stop would cause everyone and everything not nailed down to fly across the deck. Again, because there might some facet of engineering or physics that I just don't understand, I will let it slide.

"Here's what I'm going to question: How did we signal all the other ships in the blockade to stop as soon as we did? We sent up no flare or smoke signal, we didn't use a loud horn or anything! We can see the ship across from us has stopped and since we aren't hearing the sound of other ships crashing into one another, it's safe to assume ALL the other ships in the blockade have as well. But how? They were all clearly still moving while the Avatar was trying to get through. How did they know we were going to stop?

"I mean, is this whole blockade just on an enormous underwater carousel? Is that how it happened?"

Zhao grit his teeth and thought, _Crap! My lieutenant has realized our secret._

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Waterbending Master<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Just seemed like a fourth wall-breaking joke that belonged in an abridged series rather than my satire.**

* * *

><p>With the morning sun shining on the North Pole, Katara walked beside the Avatar as a huge smile lay glued to her face. "I've been waiting for this moment my whole life." The two walked towards a large, elevated platform and up several flights of stairs where they spotted Master Pakku slowly bending a small chunk of water.<p>

Aang waved at the old water bender. "Good morning, Master Pakku!"

Pakku tensed and dropped the water as he groaned. "No… Please… March right in. I'm not _concentrating_ or anything."

The bald monk cringed. "Um…" He gestured at the girl next to him. "This is my friend, Katara. The one I told you about?"

The water bending master eyed the young nomad as the female beside him bowed. "I'm sorry. I think there's been a misunderstanding." He formed a small block of ice and sat on it. "You didn't tell me your friend was a girl. In our tribe, it is _forbidden_ for women to learn water bending."

Katara glared at the old man. "What do you mean, you won't teach me?" She stormed towards him. "I didn't travel across the entire world so you could tell me 'no'!"

Pakku calmly stared the female water bender right in the eyes. "No."

Sokka's sister threw her hands on her hips. "Well, why not?"

The old man sighed. "It began several hundred years ago, when Avatar Kyoshi came to learn water bending.

"Since her original element was earth, this was to be the last one she needed to learn before becoming a full avatar. During that time, she and a man of our tribe started seeing one another and sharing dinner and… 'breakfast' together. Since they were both adults at the time, it seemed obvious to everyone that the two of them were going to get married. They were quite a lovely couple, according to the story."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "Ok… so what happened?"

"One day, her teacher gave her a surprise test to see if she had mastered the art of water bending already. Suffice to say, she passed with flying colors and did it much faster than her teacher thought it would take. Thus, with her lesson done much earlier than usual, while earning the tiles of 'Water Bending Master' as well as, 'Full Avatar,' Kyoshi rushed to the man's house and burst through the door to tell him the exciting news...

"...and found him in bed with another girl."

Aang gritted his teeth. "Ouch… What happened next?"

Pakku glanced to the side. "The exact details change from storyteller to storyteller, but they all end up with her going into the avatar state and… Well, you ever wonder how the two water tribes, who live on opposite sides of the world, could have so much in common while being separated instead of being one large group of people all on one really enormous block of ice?" He watched the two children shake their heads. "How about how Kyoshi so easily split her island from the rest of the Earth Kingdom when Chin the Conqueror confronted her? You know, as if she had practice doing that?"

Again, the children shook their heads.

"When you do figure it out and put those two things together, you'll understand why we don't train women anymore."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Avatar State<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: This was another point that just didn't occur to me at the time. In fact, it didn't occur to me at all. All credit to bma925 for seeing this one.**

* * *

><p>In his translucent, spiritual form, Aang found himself on the back of Roku's dragon while his previous life sat at the front of the beast.<p>

Roku glanced at his reincarnation. "It's time you learned." The former avatar's dragon took them into the sky and through yellow clouds, where all the past avatars stood and looked on.

"The avatar state is a defense mechanism, designed to empower you with the skills and knowledge of all the past avatars. The glow… is the combination of all your past lives. Focusing their energies into _your _body.

"In the avatar state, you are at your most powerful. But you're also… at your most vulnerable."

Aang's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"If you are killed in the avatar state…" Roku and the other spirits began to disappear. "…the reincarnation cycle will be broken." All the avatars lined up beside the tattooed youth and the vanished. "And the avatar will _cease_ to exist."

The monk raised an eyebrow. "And you know this… how?"

Roku glanced at the child. "Because it was explained to me by both the sages and avatars past."

"Ok, but how did they know? You can't really know something is going to happen until it or something similar to it happens. So the only way anyone could know that the Avatar spirit will cease to exist is if another avatar spirit or something similar to it underwent the same fate." The nomad stared at his past life. "So which is it?"

"Well… uh… see the thing is… um…" The former avatar pointed behind the boy. "WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?"

Aang simply huffed. "Did you really think I was gonna fall for that?"

"Er… It was worth a shot."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Cave of Two Lovers<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: I don't use this kind of humor unless it's to add on to another joke. Using it on its own isn't my thing.**

* * *

><p>As Aang entered the tomb, deep inside the mountain, he stared at the architecture around him. "It must be the two lovers from the legend. That's who's buried here."<p>

Katara, with a torch in hand, approached the main pedestal of the grave. "These pictures tell their story."

The water bender saw an image of a mountain with two people in fine robes atop it and began reading. "They met on top of the mountain that divided their two villages. Their villages were enemies, so they couldn't be together." She then glanced at a scene of the lovers stand on opposite hills across a canyon. "But their love was strong and they found a way."

When Katara moved to a picture of the lovers beside a giant mole, she continued. "The two lovers learned earth bending from the badger moles. They became the first earth benders." She saw pictures of them creating passages out of stone and then a map of a labyrinth. "They built elaborate tunnels so they could meet secretly." The girl glanced at a picture of them kissing. "Anyone who tried to follow them would be lost forever in the labyrinth.

Then, Sokka's sister spotted an image of the just the woman. "But, one day, the man didn't come."

Aang smirked. "And the _woman _was upset by this? He was the one who didn't leave satisfied."

Katara looked up at him. "Wha…?" She then blinked twice before bursting out laughing.

The monk began to laugh as well.

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Library<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: I was really on edge about whether or not to include this one in the Library chapter. On one hand, it made sense that the Fire Nation would block and make an effort to destroy others' knowledge about them and after 100 years, they could have made quite a dent. On the other hand, such critical information is something that would be well passed around by the FN's enemies. On the other hand, it was Katara, Sokka, and Aang who made the discovery and it made sense that, although critical, such esoteric information would be unknown to them. On the other hand, Professor Wei was with them and you'd think he'd know. But, on the ultimate hand, with the professor's specialty being archeology and the Dai Lee's ban on war talk, it made sense that he wouldn't know either. Still, since it was so close, I figured I'd include it among the deleted scenes.**

* * *

><p>Inside Wan Shi Tong's library, a large, circular golden door opened up and a small spirit fox sat on the other side, smiling at the humans and lemur visiting the hall of books. As the visitors walked in, the small spirit walked up to a lever that lay next to a large dial in the center of the dome-shaped room and pushed it. In moments, the ceiling of room became a moving, starry sky.<p>

Professor Wei smiled as his eyes widened. "This room is an engineering marvel. A mechanical wonder! It's a planetarium that shows the heavens moving!"

Sokka and his companions simply stared as the ceiling turned into a bright blue sky with a cut out of the sun being held over head. "This is beautiful. But, how is it helpful?"

Katara glanced at the round podium next to the lever. "Maybe these dials represent dates and times. Sokka! Try entering that date from that parchment you took!"

The young warrior raised a finger over his mouth. "Shhhh! Katara…" He then slid close to his sister and whispered. "Not in front of the fox, he's with the owl."

As the Water Tribe boy watched the fox whimper, he slowly withdrew a burnt piece of paper from his bag and glanced at it. He then began rotating the dials in front of him until the yellow tab lined up with the date written on the remains of the scroll. Then, with a pull of the lever, the planetarium began to turn from night to day as the false sun and moon slid across the sky.

While the fake stars danced in front of the bald monk's eyes, a smile grew on his face. "Wow, I gotta hand it to you, Sokka. You picked the best mini-vacation, for sure."

The ceiling stopped with the image of a bright blue sky, but then the light dimmed.

The water bender glanced around the room. "Hey, what happened to the sun?"

Aang narrowed his eyes. "Great. You must have broken it."

Sokka stepped forward. "It's not broken…" He stared at where the sun cut-out lay. "The sun is _behind_ the moon. It's a solar eclipse!" The boy smiled. "It's literally the darkest day in Fire Nation history!"

The Water Tribe boy grabbed the nomad's shoulders. "Now I get it! Something awful happened on that day! I don't know what! But I do know why!" He began shaking his friend. "Fire benders lose their bending during a SOLAR ECLIPSE!"

Aang staggered back.

"Sorry…"

Katara stepped forward. "Ok, hold on a second. Even though a solar eclipse does not block out all the light of the sun across the entire planet, and I don't see how that'd be any different from nighttime even if it did, I'm willing to let it slide because I don't think I understand all the laws of physics of this world, which includes mystical spirits and bending. What I am curious about is how this is a surprise to us? I mean, if there have been nearly 1,000 avatars, all living for over 100 years, and all knowing all four elements, then how, in the over 100,000 years fire bending has been around, is it _not_ common knowledge that fire benders lose their bending during a solar eclipse?"

Sokka shrugged. "I blame the schools."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Drill<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Sex jokes. Just lots and lots of sex jokes.**

* * *

><p>Katara, her brother, her blind friend, and the people being escorted by them all walked calmly towards the walls of Ba Sing Se. Just then, they looked up and saw the Avatar and his lemur gliding down towards them. When the bald monk landed, the water bender stared at him. "Aang, what are you doing here? I thought you were looking for Appa."<p>

The air bender furrowed his brow. "I was, but something stopped me. Something big."

The Water Tribe girl cringed. "Did you have to say it like that?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the train station of the Outer Wall of Ba Sing Se, Jet stood in line next to Smellerbee and Longshot as he watched the boy he knew as 'Lee' and the old man he knew as 'Mushi' walk past the ticket counter and towards the train tracks. Taking the piece of straw out of his mouth, the hooksword-wielder smiled. "I think Lee would make a good Freedom Fighter. He's just trying to find his way in the world. Like us."<p>

Smellerbee held her arms crossed. "We don't know anything about him, Jet."

"I know he didn't get that scar from a water bender."

The tomboy extended her arms. "Besides, I thought we were going straight now."

The leader of the Freedom Fighters raised an eyebrow. "You couldn't have said that any other way?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Toph led her friends through the cloud of dust until the drill's spinning motion began to clear it away. Quickly, the blind girl created a tunnel in the ground. "Everyone, into the hole!" After all of them jumped in, she closed the entrance behind her.<p>

As Sokka followed the others through the pitch-black tunnel, he moved his eyes back and forth, but couldn't spot a shred of light. "It's so dark down here! I can't see a thing!"

The earth bender groaned. "Did you really need to phrase it that way?"

"Sorry."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the Fire Nation's massive drill, with his bald friend, the lemur, and his sister staring over his shoulder, Sokka examined the machine's blueprints and narrowed his eyes. "It looks like the drill is made up of two main structures." He pointed at the parchment. "There's the inner mechanism, where we are now, and the outer shell. The inner part and the outer part are connected by these braces. If we cut through them, the entire thing will collapse!"<p>

Aang stared at the young warrior. "Did you really have to use _those_ terms?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the large drill, Sokka held the blueprints in his hands as he led his sister, the Avatar, and the small lemur up to one of the braces that supported the structure. "Wow. It looks a lot thicker in person then it does in the plans."<p>

Katara cringed as she stuck out her tongue. "That's just disgusting."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the acrobat and knife-thrower chased the Water Tribe siblings down the corridors of the drill, Katara and her brother came up on a dead end with a latch on top of a steel tube. The water bender glanced at the sign above them as her brother pulled on the latch. "'Slurry pipeline'? What does that mean?"<p>

Sokka grunted as he opened the small entryway up. "It means that someone used wording that they really didn't need to."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Ty Lee rode the rock and water pipeline of the drill after the Avatar's friends. Within a few minutes, she saw the exit and wore a sly grin as the artificial waterfall took her smoothly and gracefully down towards the ground where the Water Tribe siblings landed. However, before she touched solid earth, the water she rode stopped in mid air and then flew back towards the pipeline, halting only at the entrance. She looked at her foes and found the water bender in a strong bending stance.<p>

"Why don't you try blocking my chi now, Circus Freak!"

Beside the girl, her brother pumped his fists. "Katara, keep that up! The pressure will build up in the drill! Then when Aang delivers the final blow, it'll be ready to POP!"

The acrobat's face contorted as she gritted her teeth. "There're at least four reasons you should have worded that differently to _your sister_ while using the name of a child who's _twelve_!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>From underneath the drill, Toph felt Sokka and Katara's vibrations from behind the large Fire Nation vehicle. Immediately, the young earth bender lowered the extrusions of rock that pushed against the mechanism and hurried towards her friends. When she came close, she heard Sokka speaking.<p>

"Good technique, little sister… Keep it up… Don't forget to breathe…"

The blind girl cringed and then heard Katara yelling.

"You know, I am just about sick and tired of you telling me what to do all day! You're like a chattering hog-monkey!"

Toph's face turned green as she felt her stomach begin to contort and Sokka shouted.

"Just bend the slurry, woman!"

The earth bender raised an eyebrow when she heard 'slurry' and saw, through vibrations, the young warrior being knocked to the ground as his sister bent the mud at him. She blinked twice, then relaxed, and calmly walked forward. "You guys need some help?"

The water bender turned towards her friend. "Toph! Help me plug up this drain!"

When the other girl's words reached Toph's ears, The Earth Kingdom child immediately dropped to her feet and a spewed the contents of her stomach into the mud. As she felt her friends' eyes on her, she slowly lifted her head. "You guys _seriously_ need to pick your language better!"

From above the earth bender, Ty Lee looked down with a pale face. "Tell me about it…!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>On top of the Fire Nation's drill, right in front of the Outer Wall of Ba Sing Se, Aang guided a large boulder on top of the 'X' he made with the water Katara gave him. With a few sharp movements of his arm, he turned the misshapen sphere into a near-perfect cone-shaped wedge of stone. The bald monk then stepped back several yards before crouching down and taking off into a sprint towards the wall.<p>

After gaining momentum, the Avatar created an air scooter under in front of him and jumped on it. Riding the small cyclone, he passed the wedge he created and began to travel straight up the side of Ba Sing Se's monolithic barricade. The ball of air took the tattooed youth up several stories before he dispersed it and used his feet to turn himself around aim towards the chunk of rock lodged into the drill's hull. A moment later, with a burst of air, Aang shot himself downward.

From the edge of his vision, as he descended at high speeds, the nomad spotted Azula climbing up the side of the hull. He braced himself and jumped at the stone wedge as the princess blasted a ball of blue fire at him. By inches, the air bender passed under the azure flame and slammed his body into the wedge and powered the wedge into the drill.

The impact created an enormous burst of air the sent Ozai's daughter flying away. Inside the drill, the bracers gave way and thick liquids rushed out of the pipes. Then, thick, sticky slurry erupted from all over the drill. The young Avatar heard screaming from the rear of the metal monster just before intense heat and steam burst forth from the crevices in the engineered vehicle and the colossal drill stopped spinning and its super-structure collapsed.

A minute later, as the slurry covered everything in over a hundred-yard radius, Aang wiped the goo from over his face and shuddered. "The Fire Nation… is… DISGUSTING!"

Momo then landed on the bald boy's shoulder and lapped at the muddy water.

The Avatar turned to his pet. "You are never using that tongue to lick my hand ever again."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: City of Walls and Secrets<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: To be honest, I don't really remember why I didn't put this in. It doesn't feel like that strong of a joke, but I don't think that would have stopped me.**

_**Toph: I am remembering that last sentence forever.**_

**Go rot in Koh's lair, Toph!**

* * *

><p>Within the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se, Joo Dee rode through the streets with the Avatar and his friends in a carriage pulled by an ostrich-horse. "This is the Lower Ring."<p>

Katara glanced out the window and spotted an enormous stone barricade. "What's that wall for?"

The tour guide laughed. "Oh, Ba Sing Se has many walls. There're the ones outside, protecting us, and the ones inside that help maintain order." She gestured out the window. "This is where our newest arrivals live. As well as our craftsmen and artisans; people that work with their hands. It's so quaint and lively."

All of the wagon's passengers glanced out the window as a man with a large sword and his friend glared at them.

The appointed guide cringed and the others widened their eyes. "You do want to watch your step, though."

The water bender slowly moved her eyes back to the barricade. "Why do they have all these poor people blocked off in one part of the city?"

Aang lowered his eyes. "This is why I never came here before. I always heard it was so different from the way the monks taught us to live."

Joo Dee raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And tell me, young Avatar, how did the monks fair against the Fire Nation versus how Ba Sing Se has faired?"

Everyone in the carriage stared at Joo Dee.

"Yeah. That's what I thought. So keep your trap shut about how the people who are still alive run things."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: Tales of Ba Sing Se<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Just seemed too minor. Plus, it fell into the category of things that could be determined by cultural norms, which are Mike and Bryan's to define. And SINCE IT WAS SUCH A WEAK JOKE I DIDN'T INCLUDE IT!**

_**Toph: Hehe! Every rule has its exceptions, I suppose.**_

* * *

><p>With clear blue skies over Ba Sing Se, Toph smiled as she and her water bending friend walked down the streets of the Upper Ring with make up on their faces. "Well <em>that<em> wasn't so bad. I'm usually not into that stuff, but I actually feel… girly."

Sokka's sister smiled back. "I'm glad. It's about time we did something fun together."

The two girls then began crossing a small stone bridge as three other fancy-dressed ladies started crossing from the other side. When all five girls crossed on the bridge, one of the ladies smirked at Toph.

"Wow, great make-up…"

The blind girl continued past them. "Thanks."

"…for a clown!" The lady and her two friends started laughing as the smaller girl lowered her head and frowned.

Katara turned around and glared at the three young ladies as she put her arm around her friend. "Don't listen to them. Let's just keep walking."

Another one of the ladies smirked and glanced at her friends. "I think she looks cute. Like the time we put a sweater on your pet poodle-monkey." All three laughed again.

"Good one, Star!"

The Water Tribe girl continued to narrow her eyes. "Let's go, To-. Wait!" She spun around and raised an eyebrow. "Your name is 'Star'? It's actually 'Star'?"

The girl put a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. "Yeah! What's it to you?"

Katara and her blind friend turned towards each other and then burst out laughing.

"Hey! What's so funny?"

Toph snorted. "Your name, that's what! Seriously, what kind of horribly cliché name for a pompous rich girl is 'Star'?"

The water bender kept laughing. "A horribly cliché one!"

The fancy-dressed girls began to shout, but the earth bender just calmly spun around. "Come, Katara, let's get out of here before some fate that runs the universe forces us into a crummy story about life in a school of secondary education!"

The Water Tribe girl nodded. "I'm with you on that!"

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Earth King<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Sex joke.**

* * *

><p>As the Avatar's friends clutched the fur on Appa's back and the beast flew towards the palace in the heart of Ba Sing Se, Toph clutched the hairs as tight as she could. "Can we <em>please<em> buy a new saddle for Appa? Riding bareback is terrifying!"

All of the blind girl's friends turned and stared at her. A second later, Sokka smirked.

"Yeah, it's dangerous, but the sensation's worth it!"

Everyone on Appa's back erupted into laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Earth King<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Actually didn't notice this until after I posted that chapter and was watching a rerun of it. Also, this is one of those things that you can watch the episode again if you don't believe me. 'Cause this really does happen.**

* * *

><p>Looking down from the top of Ba Sing Se's outer wall, surrounded by the Avatar, the Avatar's friends, and several of his own guards, the Earth King stared at the large metal drill with the black fire painted on to it and lowered his head. "I can't believe I never knew." Just then, he heard a noise and turned to his right to see Long Feng rising up to the top of the outer wall on a stone platform that stopped when it became level with the rest of the wall.<p>

Flanked by two clean-shaven Dai Lee agents, the grand secretariat approached his ruler. "I can explain this, your majesty. This is nothing more than… a construction project." He gestured at the drill.

Katara threw her hands on her hips. "_Really_?" She glared at the head of the Dai Lee and his two beardless subordinates. "Then, perhaps you could explain why there's a Fire Nation insignia on your 'construction project'?"

Long Feng saw the Earth King narrow his eyes at him. "Well, it's import-."

The Earth King's eyes suddenly bulged. "Holy spirits!"

Long Feng glanced in every direction. "What? What? What is it?"

"The Dai Lee on your left!" The king pointed at the man and everyone turned their heads towards him.

Sokka's jaw dropped when he saw the large amount of facial hair covering the man's chin. "Didn't he not have a beard just a moment ago?"

Everyone nodded.

As the others' heads moved up and down, the grand secretariat began sliding back. _Excellent. Those fake beards I tell all my agents to carry around and be ready to glue onto their face at all times is paying off. Now to make my escape!_

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Awakening<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Something that's just more of an abridged series joke and didn't seem to fit in this satire.**

* * *

><p>On the hijacked Fire Nation vessel, Aang hunched over as Sokka recounted the events that transpired in the previous weeks. When the older boy finished, the monk glanced up at his friend. "So what now?"<p>

Next to his son, Hakoda smiled as he ate from a bowl of noodles. "We've been working on a modified version of the invasion plan."

A few feet away from her father, Katara scowled. "It's _Sokka's_ invasion plan."

The Water Tribe chief looked at his daughter with narrowed eyes. "Pardon us for a moment…" He put down his dish and grabbed his daughter by the shoulder. He then pulled her away from the group.

"Hey! Hey! Where are you taking me?"

Everyone else stayed still as Hakoda dragged Katara around to the opposite side of the smokestack. They then heard the chieftain shouting.

"You will not…!"

The sound of a fist hitting flesh echoed across the deck.

"…talk like that…!"

Another punch sounded.

"… to me…!"

Knuckles hitting a jaw rang in everyone's ear.

"…ever…!"

A loud crack resonated through the air.

"…AGAIN!"

Before anyone could blink, a clattering noise followed the crash of a knee striking a rib cage, then a light 'thump' could be heard. Seconds later, Hakoda walked around the smokestack and picked up his bowl with blood-covered hands. "As I was saying, the modified version of the invasion plan…"

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Runaway<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Laws of the land are Mike and Bryan's to decide. Besides, it's not like every law that's existed in our world has made sense.**

* * *

><p>Under a blue sky, Toph stood behind a stone wall beside a road as a moose-horse pulled a fancy carriage. The well-dressed man inside the carriage lifted the lid off a porcelain cup. Then, as the wagon went past Toph's hiding spot, the blind girl stepped out of her hiding spot and pulled a thick rock out of the road that jerked the vehicle to a halt.<p>

The man inside spilled his cup suddenly and poked his head out the window and saw a small girl lying motionless in the road next to his wagon. Immediately, he darted out of the carriage and away from the scene.

The moment Sokka saw the fancy-dressed man running towards him, he slid out from behind a wall, wearing a fake beard and a city-guard's uniform. The disguised warrior stared at the wealthy man and then pointed to Toph as she remained still on the road.

The carriage owner made frantic motions with his arms and cried as he knelt down in front of the man he believed to be a law enforcer. Then he put a bag of coins into his folded arms. When he saw the person wearing the guard uniform retain the stern look on his face, he placed another bag in his arms. Then another. Then another. Then more and more and more until the man before him grinned and gave him a wink.

Hours later, as Toph and her friends laughed and joked around their campsite, the blind earth bender took a deep breath and smiled. "Man, I sure am glad that the carriage's rich owner was responsible for me getting hit and not, you know, the driver who probably only has a moderate income at best."

Aang and Sokka nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Western Air Temple<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Fourth wall-breaking.**

* * *

><p>On a terrace of the Western Air Temple, in front of the Avatar, the water bender, the blind girl, the young warrior, the lemur, and the sky bison, Prince Zuko forced a smile onto his face and raised a hand. "Hello, Zuko here." His former enemies drew their weapons and dropped into fighting stances. "Hey… I heard you guys flying around down here… so I…" He shrugged. "Wait for you here."<p>

Appa marched over to the scarred teen and growled loudly. Afterwards, he immediately licked him several times.

Aang's stance wavered as he watched his 10-ton pet repeatedly slurp at the boy who once tried to capture him.

As soon as the licking stopped, the prince wiped the saliva off his face. "I know you must be surprised to see me here-."

Sokka put away his boomerang but continued to glare at the Fire Nation prince. "Not really. Since you've followed us all over the world."

Zuko glanced to the side. "Right… Well… uh… anyway…" He turned back to the other youths. "What I wanted to tell you… about… is that I've _changed_! And I… uh… I'm good now. And, well I think should join your group. Oh! And I can teach fire bending… to you." The prince looked at the monk as the bald boy's stance wavered even further.

However, the Avatar's other friends tensed even more.

"See, I… uh-."

Toph threw her arms down. "You wanna _what_ now?"

Katara's glare intensified. "You can't _possibly_ think _any_ of us would trust you, can you? I mean, how _stupid_ do you think we are?"

Sokka stepped forward. "Yeah! All you've ever done is try to hunt us down and capture Aang!"

Zuko forced himself to remain calm. "I've done some good things." The scarred teen began to walk forward. "I mean, I could've stolen your bison in Ba Sing Se, but I set him free. That's something!" He then felt the large beast's tongue lick the back of his body.

The blind earth bender felt the older boy's vibrations. "Appa _does_ seem to like him…"

The Water Tribe warrior put a hand on his hip. "He probably just covered himself in honey or something so Appa would lick him. I'm not buying it!"

The prince lowered his head. "I can understand why you wouldn't trust me." He then looked at the Avatar and his friends. "And I know I've made some mistakes in the past-."

Sokka clenched his fists. "Like when you attacked our village?"

Katara glared at the scarred teen. "Or when you _stole_ my mother's necklace and used it to track us down and capture us?

Zuko stared softly at the Water Tribe siblings. "Look, I admit I've done some awful things." He gently clutched his head with one hand. "I was wrong to try to capture you and I'm sorry that I attacked the Water Tribe. And I never should have sent that Fire Nation assassin after you. I'm going to try to stop-."

Sokka's eyes bulged as he grabbed his boomerang. "Wait! _You_ sent Combustion Man after us?"

The prince looked up. "Well, that's not his name, it's-."

"Oh, _sorry_, I didn't mean to _insult_ your frie-!"

"It's 'Rick McAustin Norris.'"

The young warrior felt his jaw drop as his eye lay glued open. "Yes… Oh, spirits,… yes. That is his name."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Firebending Masters<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: I don't know if this one broke the fourth wall, but it seemed to.**

* * *

><p>As Aang and the scarred prince rode Appa away from the Sun Warrior's island and into a clear, blue sky, the young Avatar smiled. "Wow. What an adventure, eh, Zuko? First we danced together, then got each other covered in thick slime, after that we helped one another get their fire back, and we did it by dancing together."<p>

The fire bender clinched his teeth as he stared over the side of the bison's saddle. "That's not what happened."

The monk raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Zuko turned towards his new friend. "Here's what we're going to say happened: When we arrived, we crept and stalked through what we thought was an abandoned city; our weapons drawn incase danger lurked. Suddenly, we were ambushed by hoards of fierce and deadly savages. The situation looked bleak, but with your bending prowess and my mastery of swordsmanship, we were able to slay each adversary until they through down their weapons and surrendered.

"After our display of superior skill, they offered up gold, ale, and all of their large-breasted, narrow-hipped women until we placated. Later, they were fearful, because, though we took their treasures, consumed their drink, and ravaged their females, we were not wholly satisfied…"

)()()()()()()()()(

Zuko and the Avatar stood before all of their friends on the terrace of the Western Air Temple. "… and it was then that they begged to let them teach us their fire bending style so that we may appeased."

Sokka smirked. "You did a bunch of dancing, got thick slime all over one another, and Aang asked you for your fire."

The monk smiled. "We also danced a second time."

The traitor prince groaned as everyone laughed. "Aang…"

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Boiling Rock<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Way, way, wayyyyyy too much breaking the fourth wall and it's really just a pun on the fact that they used a cooler made of metal.**

* * *

><p>Deep inside the Boiling Rock, Sokka, in his guard disguise, walked down a flight of metal stairs and spotted the traitor prince and the Kyoshi warrior mopping the floor beside each other. With a smile on his face, the Water Tribe boy crossed his arms. "Oh, good. You guys've met."<p>

Suki continued to mop the floor. "Actually, we met a long time ago."

Zuko kept his eyes on the floor. "We did?"

"Yeah… You… kinda burned down my village."

The fire bender stopped for a moment. "Oh… Sorry 'bout that. Nice to see you again."

Sokka then took a glance around the prison as the three teenagers ducked behind the stairwell and crouched down as they set the mops aside. The young warrior then turned around and faced his friends. "So, listen, I think I have an escape plan." He knelt down and lifted his helmet. "I checked out Metal Cooler again and it's the perfect thing to help us escape. I just need to hijack 'em and get it working."

Suki raised an eyebrow. "Uh… I don't mean to be a stickler for grammar, but don't you mean '_the_ metal cooler'?"

The Water Tribe boy formed a sly grin.

)()()()()()()()()(

A few hours later, a metallic alien-humanoid with three long toes on each foot and a long tail marched through the Boiling Rock as it shot eye beams out of its dome-shaped head and endured every small fire attack on its muscular frame.

As explosions blew apart the walls around them, Sokka and his friends calmly walked behind the robot as the young warrior smiled. "So, yeah, it was hard to find a replacement for the Big Gete Star's programming, since Goku and Vegeta destroyed it. However, I gotta say, I'm glad this one duplicate of Frieza's brother survived in working condition."

Zuko nodded. "Yes, it is fortunate."

Suki smiled and put her hands on her hips. "Gotta hand it to you, Sokka. We'll be out of here in no time now."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Boiling Rock<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: This was another scene that, while not breaking the fourth wall, seemed to jump the parameters of the show too much.**

* * *

><p>Inside Hakoda's cell, deep within the Boiling Rock, Sokka peeked out of the eye hole in the cell door. "So, where's Bato?" He turned around and looked at his father. "Where's everyone else from the invasion?"<p>

The Water Tribe chief sat against a wall as his son walked over and sat next to him. "The others are being held at a prison near the Fire Nation palace. They singled me out as their leader and sent me here."

Hakoda then glanced at the young warrior. "But before I left, I met some young women who said they knew you."

The Water Tribe boy shrugged. "Dad, you're gonna have to be more specific."

"They're all really strong, well-endowed, and beautiful."

"Again, more specific."

"They said you and their leader were romantically involved with each other."

"I'll need a bit more…"

"You took their leader's virginity."

Sokka gritted his teeth. "Now you're gonna have to be A LOT more specific."

Hakoda narrowed his eyes. "_Sokka_…" He then smiled and patted his son on the back. "That's my boy."

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: NA. This is an original scene of my own device that would've taken place between the Boiling Rock and the Southern Raiders. Heck, when this is all over, I may put it up on its own as a one-shot.**

**Reason for Deletion: Let's just say that if you thought the Metal Cooler scene broke the fourth wall too much, brace yourselves.**

* * *

><p>The morning sun shined down on the Western Air Temple as the Avatar and his friends, as well as the people Sokka and Zuko freed from the Boiling Rock, sat around a pot of boiling stew on the main terrace. As the broth simmered, a tense feeling lingered in the air as Katara crossed her arms and glared at the prince.<p>

"…and another thing, Zuko! You constantly get in my way when I'm trying to keep things in order! You eat more than your fair share, especially now that we have three more people to feed! And to make matters worse-!"

The traitor prince of the Fire Nation simply sighed and stood up. "I'm going to my room. Aang, good training earlier. Same time tomorrow."

The water bender snarled. "Hey, I'm not done talking to you!" She began to stand up as the scarred teen walked off, but felt her father's hand grab her shoulder. Spinning her head around, she glared at her dad. "What did you stop me for?"

Everyone else around the kettle of stew stared at the Water Tribe girl as her father spoke. "Katara, you need to stop this. I don't know every detail of your history with that boy, but after he helped your brother get me, Suki, and Chit Sang out of the Boiling Rock, it should be obvious that he's on our side."

Aang nodded. "He's had numerous chances to take me out or capture me during our training. There's nothing to wait for if he hasn't done it yet."

Sokka crossed his arms. "At the Boiling Rock, he could have easily sold us all out, told the Fire Nation where we were hiding, and claimed he only joined us to earn our trust."

Suki shrugged. "I gotta side with Zuko on this one. He saved my butt and he may be able to help me learn how to fight fire benders."

One by one, Katara heard the others voiced their support for the Fire Nation prince. However, the water bender simply huffed as she jerked her shoulder free. "I can't believe you people are supporting him like that! Don't any of you remember what he's like? Don't any of you remember all the horrible things he's done?"

Hakoda sighed. "I'm aware of what he's done and I'm not asking you to like him, but you should respect him and treat him with-."

"NO!" The Water Tribe girl spun around and began to storm off. "There is nothing in the world that will make up for what he's done!"

Before the water bender left the terrace, Toph loudly cleared her throat as she picked at her toes. "What about a prank? Nothing speeds up forgiveness like getting even."

"Please! No childish joke that can make up for what he's…" Katara stopped at the doorway. A sly grin then slowly crawled up onto her face. "You know what, Toph? I think that idea might just work."

)()()()()()()()()(

As the sun set over the Western Air Temple, every one of the Avatar's companions, except for Zuko and Katara, sat around a small fire and all wore tense expressions on their faces.

When a slight breeze flew across the terrace where everyone sat, Toph gritted her teeth. "Ok, even _I'm_ not comfortable with this."

Teo fidgeted in his chair. "Me neither. Are we sure this is the right thing to do?"

Chit Sang raised an eyebrow at the Water Tribe chieftain. "You have to know that what she's doing is crossing a lot of lines. I'm actually quite ashamed I answered her questions about the royal family."

Hakoda sighed. "Believe me, I know it's wrong. But if this is the only thing that can get her to settle down,…" He shook his head. "…I'm afraid we have no choice."

)()()()()()()()()(

Elsewhere, in the Western Air Temple, Zuko crossed his legs as he sat on the floor of his room. A single candle burned in front of him as he kept his eyes closed while taking long breaths in and out. Just after an exhale, he heard a sharp knock on his door.

The prince snapped his eyes open and rose from his spot before walking to the entrance of his room. With a raised eyebrow, he opened the door. However, when he saw Katara standing in front of him with a glare in her eye and her arms crossed, he lowered his head. "What'd I do now?"

The water bender tsked as she clutched a rolled up scroll in one of her hands. "It's what you better _not_ be doing!"

Zuko glanced at her. "What are you talking about?"

Katara shoved the parchment into the prince's chest. "A few of us went off to a local town to buy supplies, you know, 'cause someone's been eating more than his share. While we were there, this woman bumped into us and specifically asked us to give you this. _Are you telling people where we are_?"

The scarred boy's eyes shot open. "What? No! No! I don't know what that woman was talking about!" He slowly took the scroll out of the other bender's hand. "What did she look like?"

The Water Tribe girl narrowed her eyes and stared at the fire bender for a moment. Then she relaxed her glare a little and re-crossed her arms. "Middle-aged. 'Bout as tall as my dad, maybe a little shorter. Long, black hair. Said her name was Urga or… Urca or… Ur-something."

Zuko's jaw dropped. He then spoke with a weak voice. "Ur… Ursa?"

Katara rubbed her chin. "Yeah… That might've been it." She then scoffed and walked away. "Enjoy your mail call." She moved a few yards away and turned a corner. When she heard Zuko slam his door shut, she pressed her back against the wall and grinned as she leaned her ear closer to his room.

Back inside the prince's bedroom, the fire bender could feel his heart racing. For a few moments, he just stared at the rolled up piece of paper as thousands of memories and questions rushed through his head. But as his palms became sweaty, he opened up the scroll so fast, the fabric almost tore.

Tears formed in the scarred teen's eyes as he began reading. "Zuko,… my beautiful child,… I hope that, wherever you are, you are safe and among friends…" He wiped his eyes.

"I don't know what the future will bring. But I want you to know there are things that will always be true. I am proud of you…" Zuko felt his body tremble. "… I love you…" His hands shook. "…I will never give you up…" He smiled. "… I will never let you down… I will never…run around…?" The fire bender blinked twice. "…and…"

The scarred boy grinded his teeth. "…_desert_ _you_!"

Flames erupted in Zuko's hands as he turned and kicked down his door. "YOU'RE AN %##-HOLE, KATARA!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[<em>Toph: Dave?<em>**

**Yeah, Toph?**

_** For that last scene, I want to have your babies. I know there're the whole age and reality-the-other-one-exists-in issues, but I still want to have them.**_

**Noted.]]**

* * *

><p><strong>Episode: The Southern Raiders<strong>

**Reason for Deletion: Once more, it was a matter of social mores of the AtLA universe, which are up to Mike and Bryan to define. Also, it really is just my personal preference on how this issue should be resolved and why. I'm sure others have their own.**

* * *

><p>The morning sun shined over the tiny island the Avatar and his friends used as a camp as Katara marched towards the monk and his bison with the traitor prince in tow. "I need to borrow Appa."<p>

Aang chuckled. "Why? Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?"

"Yes. It is."

The tattooed youth heard the tone in her voice and spun around with wide eyes. "Oh. What's going on?"

The water bender kept her brow furrowed as she spoke. "We're going to find the man who took my mother from me."

Zuko adjusted the bag over his shoulder. "Sokka told me the story of what happened." He saw the Water Tribe boy approaching. "I know who did it. And I know how to find him."

The Avatar tensed. "Um… And what, exactly, do you think this will accomplish?"

Katara glared at her student for a moment. Then she scoffed and shook her head. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She began walking away.

The nomad took a few steps after his water bending teacher. "Wait! Stop! I do understand! You're feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sand benders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?"

The Fire Nation teen gestured out with his free arm. "She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure… and justice."

Aang stared back at his newest teacher. "I don't think so. I think this is about getting revenge."

With her back to her friends, the water bender tightened her fists. "Fine! Maybe it is! Maybe that's what I _need_! Maybe that's what he deserves."

The Avatar stared at his water bending teacher. "Katara, you sound like Jet."

Sokka's sister spun around. "It's not the same! Jet attacked the innocent! This man… he's a monster!" She watched her brother step beside the monk.

"Katara, she was my mother too. But I think Aang might be right."

"Then you didn't love her the way I did!"

Sokka stared at his sister with widened eyes. "Katara…"

The Avatar lowered his head. "The monks used to say that revenge was like a two-headed rat-viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself."

Zuko glanced at the air bender. "That's cute. But this isn't air temple preschool. It's the _real_ world."

The Water Tribe girl furrowed her brow even more. "Now that I know he's out there... Now that I know we can find him, I fell like I have no choice."

Aang opened up his arms. "Katara, you do have a choice: forgiveness."

The traitor prince clutched the bag over his shoulder. "That's the same as doing nothing!"

The nomad shook his head. "No, it's not. It's easy to do nothing, but it's hard to forgive."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "Um… Aang? I think you're using the wrong word for the message you're trying to convey. See, you forgive someone when they make a sincere gesture that shows that they're sorry. Anything from giving a large gift down to a simple apology, after all, why would you forgive someone who clearly is not sorry for what they did and could have every intention of doing it again?

"What you're thinking of is 'letting go.' You stop directing large amounts of energy towards things that can never be changed and things that offer no significant improvement to your life and instead focus on things in your life that can be improved upon or help others improve."

The water bender shrugged. "Just a semantics thing."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: It's… Wow... I don't have words to describe it. I got all the chapters out of the way. The Avatar Returns all the way to my replacement for the Ember Island Players. I've got the entirety of the regular episodes done. What's there left to say, but-?**

_**Toph: "Finale, here we come!"?**_

**Actually…**

_**Toph: 'Acutally'? Actually, what?**_

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for**

**Not Sozin's Comet, but an important note that I need to make sure you all read.**

**_Toph: You do know you've just pissed off countless people, right?_  
><strong>

**Mike and Bryan made them wait 6 months! They can wait one more week for me!**


	56. PreSozin's Comet note

**An Important Note from What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender**

_Ok, guys, no need for an intro or anything else, just me giving you guys a low down on a few things. I am done with the Sozin's Comet and it is all ready to go, but I want to make a few small requests that I think I've earned._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #1<strong>_

_As you might've imagined, the Sozin's Comet portion of this satire is large. To put it into perspective, the Book 2 finale, combining The Guru and Crossroads of Destiny, was about 20 pages long on the writing program I use. Sozin's Comet is over 150 pages._

_Yes. That's a lot._

_It's so large, in fact, that I've broken it up into several chapters. Don't worry, they'll all be posted at the same time next week. The reason why I'm doing this is because so many of you are going to comment on so much of it, I figured it'll be easier on everyone if you didn't have to do it all at once._

_So, my request to you is that you review each section of Sozin's Comet one part at a time. Please! Please! Do not go onto the next part until you've said what you wanted to about the part you're reading at the moment. Don't worry about me, I'll have plenty of time to respond to everything._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #2<strong>_

_WATCH THE ENTIRE AtLA SERIES AGAIN!_

_I know I've said it before, but by the time this whole thing is over, you'll be glad you did. This is what I've been warning all of you about. This is going to change the way you view this show forever and you'll be glad you went through it in bliss one last time. So, if you haven't done a marathon run of it already, do it._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #3<strong>_

_Take your time writing your response to the last section of Sozin's Comet._

_Most of the chapters of Sozin's Comet are going to be normal for this satire. A scene from the show is going to be set up, someone will point out something weird, and there'll be a humorous conversation about it that may discusses possibilities for it and why those are also weird._

_The last part is going to be different. I'll get into more detail later on in this note, but for now, I want you to know that this is the chapter that's going to undo everything about AtLA for you and you guys are all going to want to take the time to go over it again and again to see if I got anything wrong. Right off the bat, I want to tell you that it's all facts and deductions taken straight from the show. I used no comics, no fan theories, no interviews with Mike and Bryan or anyone else, no fanon rules about how the characters act or what their 'history' was; just the show. You DO NOT want to respond to this one right away and then regret forgetting to mention something._

_What I recommend is that, before you get to the last part of Sozin's Comet, get up from your seat, stretch, go to the bathroom, get something to drink, and grab a couple really big pieces of notebook paper. I'm serious. As you're reading, take little notes on things you don't agree with and why you don't agree with them. Don't forget also to crossout something if the in-story explanation convinces you of my point of view._

_This might be asking a lot, but because of the format for the last part of Sozin's Comet, there's a lot of points that are talked about more than once, brought up again, put on hold, and referenced later. If that already confused you, definitely get the notebook paper. It'll help us both. You'll be able to keep track of what you agree and don't agree with, therefore, not have to write as much to me. And it'll be that much less for me to respond to among the hundreds of pages of responses I get for the last part._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #4<strong>_

_If the response you want to give me about a chapter breaks the character limit for reviews, just send me a private message or two or three. Just make sure the last sentence of your review mentions that you ran out and you'll be sending me a pm._

_No elaboration needed. But you may want to do yourself a favor and write your response out in a word program. It'll be easier if you just copy and paste your comments if you're afraid they'll break the limit._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #5<strong>_

_Don't miss the forest for the trees in the last section._

_Here's what I mean by that: The last section goes over a lot. However, I didn't want to give you guys some boring essay that's in some standard format that you would fall asleep reading. Instead, it's two AtLA characters having a long and animated conversation. I won't say who, you'll find out. What you'll also notice is that both of them will seem to have selective omniscience._

_It'll seem as though both characters were, with few exceptions, always in the right place at the right time to see something, overhear something, read some report, talk to someone about something, etc. You get the idea._

_Don't get too hung up about their seemingly infinite knowledge. It's just an excuse I'm using to allow them to have this conversation. I do not actually think that either one of the characters is that in-the-loop about everything._

_Once again, pay attention to what the two are saying, don't worry about how they know it. How they know it doesn't matter._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #6<strong>_

_In the last part, take my word that if something happened **in an episode**, it happened._

_I don't mean just blindly take everything I say as true. Argue it and analyze it if you'd like. What I mean is that I don't want to have to interrupt this section at all with a pair of bolded brackets that tell you to watch whichever episode the characters are talking about. If I did, it'd be happening every two or three paragraphs._

_So, for example: If I say a pickle was in Sokka's lap during events that happened in Tales of Ba Sing Se and he started planning Aang's death because of it; argue the fact that he was planning Aang's death, believe me though that a pickle was in his lap._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Request #7<strong>_

_Last one._

_There's going to be more chapters after Sozin's Comet, so stick around for the third and final special treat._

_You guys know how I do things, so this should come as no surprise. However, I just want to make sure you all remember. I'd hate for you to think that I wasn't going to do anything after Sozin's Comet and then you miss out on a chance to participate in the special treat. Yes, it will be a reader-participation treat._

* * *

><p><em>That's all the requests, so, as I say:<em>

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for Book 3: Chapter 18, 19, 20, 21 & the last day you'll look at AtLA the same way again.**

**SOZIN'S COMET**


	57. Sozin's Comet: Part 1

_Here we are._

_Toph: Here we are, indeed._

_All the long hours of writing. Watching the same clips over and over to make sure I had dialogue just right. Running through hundreds of scenarios in my mind to make sure a scene made no sense. After all of that, after 56 chapters already, here we are now._

_Toph: And after never missing a single Friday. Power outages? Didn't stop you. Heavy workloads during the week? Didn't stop you. Moving from Northern Virginia to Southern California? Didn't stop you. Even this website itself crashing and not letting new chapters be put up? Even that didn't stop you._

_Every. Single. Friday._

_Every single Friday._

_Toph: So how do you want to start this off?_

_With a little story about a story actually._

_Toph: A story about a story?_

_Yes. It may be a little lengthy, but I know my readers won't mind, because it's the story of what inspired me to make this satire in the first place. It may get a little boring at parts, but I can promise everyone that once you get to the end of this, it'll be worth it._

_Toph: Oh. Well then, by all means…_

_Thank you. The tale begins way back when I was in second grade, around the holidays. My teacher read a story that I thought it was going to be another dumb Christmas story, the book was even called Jimson's Reindeer. Well, as it turns out, it was actually a pretty funny tale was really touching too._

_See, the plot was that this little boy, named Jimson, found a Christmas present from 's grandma a few days early and-._

_Toph: Hang on a minute._

_What?_

_Toph: You said 'from 's grandma' instead of 'from his grandma.'_

_Oh, I know. See, the author had this weird way of writing 'his' and 'hers' and 'he' and 'she' and stuff like that. I never learned if that was because of where the author grew up or what. But, out of respect for the story, whenever I talk about it, I use his terminology._

_Toph: Alright, continue._

_So, Jimson finds the present early and 'e is really excited 'cause the present is in a big box and 'e has been asking for video games and flashy toys and race cars and everything. However, it turns out that the gift is just a plush Santa set complete with reindeer and sleigh and everything._

_Well, Jimson gets angry and rips the present to pieces, stomps on it, shouts at it even… etc… Afterwards, as 'e is about to throw the gift out, one of the barely-in-tact reindeer comes to life._

_Toph: Which of Santa's reindeer was it?_

_Ugh… You know what? I'm always ashamed that, being Jewish, I could never remember the names of all the reindeer, so I always forget which one it was. I know it wasn't Rudolph or Blitzen… Let me continue the story. It'll come to me._

_Toph: Sure. So one of the almost-torn-to-shreds reindeer comes to life._

_And the reindeer… wasn't Dasher or the other two that began with 'D'… the reindeer says a whole speech about how Jimson shouldn't weigh Christmas presents by their price tag or how flashy they are. The reindeer… was it Vixen? No… the reindeer takes 'm on one of those fantastic dream voyages that shows people of all races, ages, and levels of wealth finding the true meaning of Christmas. Thing was, I always remember it was done in this really well-done way._

_Toph: The blah-blah-blah cliché-cliché-cliché was done right for a change, eh? What did Jimson do next? Also, was Prancer the reindeer?_

_Prancer wasn't it. I remember now it was one that began with a 'C'… Anyway, Jimson realizes 's mistake and wants to stitch up the entire plush set. But 'e doesn't know how to sew, only person 'e knows who does is 's mom. With tears in 's eyes, Jimson tells 'er the story and mommy agrees to help. Problem is, the gift has been torn up too much. The only fixable one was the reindeer that came to life._

_Jimson went ahead with getting the reindeer fixed and showed it to 's grandmother with it covered sewing marks, and I mean head-to-toe in stitches and patching, and confessed to what 'e had done._

_Toph: Sounds like a bit of a downer ending._

_Actually, it wasn't a downer ending. The book ended by saying that Jimson kept the stuffed reindeer for years and never tried to restore it at all. Instead, 'e would always be reminded of that important lesson when ever 'e looked at the doll and saw the…_

_Oh, yeah! Now, I remember which reindeer it was, because the reindeer's name never reminded me of Valentine's Day._

_Toph: That's great, I guess… So what did the kid look at that reminded ''m' of the important lesson?_

_Why, Toph, isn't it obvious?_

_Toph: Not really. Why would I know what_ _Jimson learned from..._? _ Oh no… No! You wouldn't!_

'_e saw the…_

_Toph: Did you really set this all up for-?_

_**SEWS IN 'S COMET!**_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 1 - The Phortunate Observing  
><strong>

As the young Avatar's friends played around on the beach, the monk jammed a thick piece of wood into the head of a sand statue of his bison. "Check out my Appa sand sculpture." He waved his hands in the air as the real ten-ton beast trotted over to the visage and roared.

Toph walked up to her tattooed friend's effigy and smiled. "Not bad, Baldy." She cracked her knuckles as Aang jumped down. "But I've been working on my sand bending. You're gonna love this."

Aang watched as his blind friend took an earth bending stance and then thrust her arms, immediately creating a circular impression in the sand. When the bald monk approached the hole, he found that the sand had been sculpted into a small replica of Ba Sing Se. "Wow…" The Avatar glanced at the Earth Kingdom girl. "How did you do that?"

"Well, Twinkle Toes, it took a lot of work and practice, but I managed to get the subtleties of sand bending down."

"What?" The tattooed boy blinked twice. "No, I meant, how are you able to see on sand? I know you can harden small patches, but how can you see across a wide area? Doesn't that skew your vibration-vision?"

The blind girl rubbed the back of her head. "It's… uh… kinda tricky to explain…"

However, the air bender simply smiled and shrugged. "Meh, it's alright. You can tell me later. I'm just glad you developed this power."

Toph raised an eyebrow. "You are?"

"Yup. I mean, maybe I've read one too many stories in my life, but with the looming feeling that my fight with the Fire lord will happen soon, I can only imagine that this sudden display of a new technique that I've never seen you practice before will no doubt play some sort of small, but critical role in the upcoming battle."

The earth bender laughed and crossed her arms. "You've got your head too much in those clouds. I mean, sure, if this were a story and the authors decided to suddenly show that I can bend sand, it would be so pointless to then not have me use it in any way, shape, or form. But this is real life. There's no guarantee I'll use it for battle or even anything at all."

"Hehe… I suppose."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Katara, her brother, and her friends raced towards the side of their house on Ember Island where the Fire Nation prince lay clutching his head on the ground and the Avatar leapt down from a broken balcony. She then stared at the scarred teen as he began to stand. "What's wrong with you? You could've hurt Aang!"<p>

Zuko glared back at the water bender as he got to his feet. "What's wrong with _me_? What's wrong with all of _you_? How can you sit around, having beach parties, when Sozin's Comet is only three days away?"

The fire bender watched all of his new friends staring at him with soft eyes. "Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy?"

The air bender stepped forward. "About Sozin's Comet… I was actually going to wait to fight the Fire lord until _after_ it came."

"'After'?"

Aang lowered his eyes. "I'm not ready. I need more time to master fire bending."

Toph lifted her head. "And, frankly, your earth bending could still use some work, too."

Zuko glanced at everyone in front of him. "So… you all knew Aang was going to wait?"

Sokka made a small gesture with his arms. "Honestly, if Aang tries to fight the Fire lord right now, he's gonna lose." He saw his bald friend staring at him and he shrugged. "No offense."

Katara then waved her arm out. "The whole point of fighting the Fire lord before the comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war. But they pretty much won the war when they took Ba Sing Se." She then lowered her head. "Things can't get any worse."

The traitor prince crossed his arms and spoke in a cold voice. "When?"

The Water Tribe girl glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "'When,' what? And what's with the harsh tone?"

"When did you guys decide to change the plan?" Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Because I heard you talking in the Western Air Temple before we met up, the echo in that canyon carries! It carries things like when Sokka said 'Well, if you ask me, the _new_ plan is the _old_ plan. You just need to master all four elements, and confront the Fire lord before the comet comes.' So when did you change your minds about this?"

The scarred teen eyed his friends. "Was it when you were arguing over me joining your group? Were you guys shouting back and forth with each other about me and then just say, 'Oh, hey. Maybe would should wait until after the comet comes to battle Ozai,' and then continue arguing?" He pointed at the Kyoshi warrior. "'Cause if Suki knows that's the plan and she arrived a few weeks after I did and when you all started to trust me, the time frame where you made this decision doesn't make sense!"

The bald monk cringed. "Actually, you were asleep when it happened."

Zuko blinked twice. "What?"

"Yeah. You were asleep. No one felt like waking you at the time. We were going to tell you after you woke up… But we forgot. Sorry 'bout that."

The prince slapped his own forehead and groaned.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Guess what time it is, folks! It's time for the first dual-scene of Sozin's Comet!<strong>

**_Toph: Yay!_]]**

* * *

><p>Katara, her brother, and her friends raced towards the side of their house on Ember Island where the Fire Nation prince lay clutching his head on the ground and the Avatar leapt down from a broken balcony. She then stared at the scarred teen as he began to stand. "What's wrong with you? You could've hurt Aang!"<p>

Zuko glared back at the water bender as he got to his feet. "What's wrong with _me_? What's wrong with all of _you_? How can you sit around, having beach parties, when Sozin's Comet is only three days away?"

The fire bender watched all of his new friends staring at him with soft eyes. "Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy?"

The air bender stepped forward. "About Sozin's Comet… I was actually going to wait to fight the Fire lord until _after_ it came."

"'After'?"

Aang lowered his eyes. "I'm not ready. I need more time to master fire bending."

Toph lifted her head. "And, frankly, your earth bending could still use some work, too."

Zuko glanced at everyone in front of him. "So… you all knew Aang was going to wait?"

Sokka made a small gesture with his arms. "Honestly, if Aang tries to fight the Fire lord right now, he's gonna lose." He saw his bald friend staring at him and he shrugged. "No offense."

Katara then waved her arm out. "The whole point of fighting the Fire lord before the comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war. But they pretty much won the war when they took Ba Sing Se." She then lowered her head. "Things can't get any worse."

The traitor prince crossed his arms and spoke in a cold voice. "Ok, so, even if the plan changed, why aren't you training as hard as you can so you're ready to fight my father as soon as the comet passes?"

The Avatar and his other friends' eyes all shot open before they slapped themselves on their foreheads and groaned.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Now, I know a lot of you are expecting a certain observation from Zuko's flashback of the war meeting. However, you're going to get something different from that scene instead. Ozai's plan will be talked about later, don't worry.<strong>

**For now, enjoy this.]]**

* * *

><p>Inside the Fire Nation palace's war room, Fire Lord Ozai watched his son bow to him before taking the seat at his right side. The ruler of the Fire Nation then turned his head towards his generals who sat around a long, rectangular map of the Earth Kingdom. "General Shinu, your report."<p>

A middle-aged man with a beard and long sideburns stood. "Thank you, Sir!" He began walking towards the far end of the map. "Ba Sing Se is still under our control. However, earth bender rebellions have prevented us from achieving total victory in the Earth Kingdom."

The Fire lord narrowed his eyes. "What is your recommendation?"

"Our army is spread too thin. But once the eclipse is over and the invasion defeated, we should transfer more domestic forces into the Earth Kingdom."

"Hmmm…" Ozai turned to his son. "Prince Zuko, you've been among the Earth Kingdom commoners, do you think that adding more troops will stop these rebellions?"

Zuko lowered his head. "The people of the Earth Kingdom are proud and strong. They can endure anything, as long as they have hope."

At the far end of the map, General Shinu raised an eyebrow. "Pardon for second-guessing your knowledge, my prince. But which Earth Kingdom peoples are you referring to?"

The scarred teen lifted his head. "What do you mean?"

"No disrespect, my young lord, it's just that, I fail to remember anyone who fits your description. I mean, I know they've endured the war for 100 years, but I can't think of any person or persons that particularly stand out as someone with an unstoppable drive. Could you enlighten us about which people you are referring to? I'm honestly at a loss."

Zuko scoffed. "Well, first off, there's all of Omashu which stood tall and strong until we launched a massive invasion. Mai told me that even after it was conquered, people still fought."

General Shinu stared at his ruler's son. "You mean the city whose king surrendered at first sight of the invasion without so much as throwing a pebble and, as far as we know, hasn't made a peep? Or the people of the city who eagerly ran away from New Ozai after just a week or so of failed attempts to win the city back? Keep in mind, they ran when the Avatar was right there with them."

The prince stared back at the general with widened eyes. "I… wasn't aware. Ok, but there's also the people who were held prisoner on the coal rig down in the Southern Earth Kingdom who sprung their breakout plan into action once the Avatar showed up."

One of the other generals at the meeting lifted his hand. "Actually, my prince, I spoke with the warden after that incident. Despite having all the coal in the world at their finger tips, those prisoners were completely dead inside and not doing anything. Even after the Avatar showed up and dropped a tremendous pile of coal at their feet, it still took several severe and desperate cries to make them do so much as anything."

Ozai's son blinked twice. "Oh… Ok, I guess that's a bad example too. But there's also a group of Earth Kingdom soldiers that I came across while hunting the Avatar before he made his journey to Roku's temple. They captured my uncle and held him tightly… until I freed him and then we beat them when it the odds were 3-to-1 in their favor."

Zuko shook his head again. "Ok, another bad example. But there's also the story of the Freedom Fighters! The band of children who were constantly able to disrupt trade routes and supply lines in and around their small forest."

General Shinu scratched his head. "Didn't they pack up and leave as soon as they suffered a loss that time when they exploded the nearby damn and it didn't harm anyone?"

Azula glanced at her brother. "Weren't they also led by that kid with the hookswords that attacked you in Ba Sing Se? The one we found out, after looking through Dai Lee records, had every intention of just letting the police handle you and Uncle when he had proof? 'Cause I also remember the report saying that his friends just stood back and let him be arrested and then after he died, his friends just never bothered us or the Dai Lee again."

The prince cringed. "Well… Yes and yes… But Jet, himself, never gave up until he was brainwashed. And the Dai Lee agents that joined us said that, once freed, he set out to get his revenge."

The princess raised an eyebrow. "Wait a second, was he even from the Earth Kingdom? "

Zuko scratched the back of his head. "You know, it was really unclear."

The female fire bender shrugged. "Either way, let's assume he was from the Earth Kingdom. Ok, so there's one person so far out of hundreds: that Jet kid; who's now dead."

The Fire Nation prince gritted his teeth. "Alright… not too good of an example… But what about the Zhang and Gan Jin tribes that famously trekked thousands of miles to Ba Sing Se? They even passed through the Great Divide!"

Another general glanced at the prince. "…as they were running away from us. Running thousands of miles instead of standing and fighting or picking any closer ground to serve as a home base while standing and fighting?"

Azula's brother gritted his teeth. "Yeah… them…" He then smiled. "But, there was a small village, where a fortuneteller lived, right beneath a volcano-."

Shinu cleared his throat. "They all just sat back, relaxed, and decided that fate was fate. They were ready to let that volcano just burn them alive until the Avatar and his friends tricked them into stopping it."

"Right…" Zuko scratched his head.

The prince then snapped his fingers. "Oh! I remember a good example! I was taking to War Minister Qin and he told me about a group of Earth Kingdom citizens who climbed all the way to the top of the Northern Air Temple and-."

Qin remained seated as he spoke. "Their leader gave me countless weapons and inventions as soon as I shook my fist at him. And that didn't stop until the Avatar showed up."

"Well, what about an Earth Kingdom general I heard about who held the front line at a small outpost and constantly tried everything to get the Avatar into the avatar state. Even putting himself at risk!"

Qin shook his head. "My scouts reported that his men were horribly discouraged and ready to give up. You could tell by the looks on their faces. Also, after the Avatar and his friends fought back, all of the general's soldiers gave up on the plan."

"Crud. Ok, but there was this girl I met named Song who-."

Azula raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you tell me she saw you stealing her ostrich-horse and let you do it after she fed and cared for you?"

Zuko let his mouth hang for a moment. "Yes… But you didn't let me finish, I was going to say how that led to me hearing about a town that was so dedicated to avenging Chin the Conqueror's death, because they mistakenly thought that he was a good person, that they went against the Avatar and-."

"Rough Riders told me they cried and ran like small children as soon as our forces showed up and even went so far as to re-write their history and change their core belief in order to get the Avatar's help."

"Um… Also, when I resorted to theft to find food and supplies for me and my uncle-."

"Mai told me you said that anyone you went after didn't put a fight. Just dropped or handed you their spoils and never pursued you."

The prince felt all eyes in the room stare at him. "Well, there's also the Avatar's earth bending teacher. She's blind, but that didn't stop her from training and becoming a powerful fighter."

Ozai's daughter clicked her tongue. "Well, she does have a fault or two and a few things she's really afraid of, but I'll give you her. Ok, so far that's two, one of which is dead. And I hear the girl's parents are cowardly and rely on money to solve all their problems. Also, the people she trained against are mostly driven by money and quit as soon as they're slightly beaten."

Ursa's son smiled. "Well, there was this town I stopped in when I was separated from Uncle that was full of people who…" He then cringed. "… let a group of thugs, who were also spineless, walk all over them…"

Zuko let out a small breath. "There's also that archeologist I heard about who disappeared during his never-ending search for a library from the Spirit World."

Shinu shrugged. "That makes three, still only one of which is alive."

However, the scarred prince smirked and crossed his arms. "Ba. Sing. Se. Endured the war for 100 years and-."

Azula sighed. "Gave up as soon as we got in. Didn't even put up a struggle and, as General Shinu said, still aren't."

Zuko's smug smile wavered a little. "What about the general Uncle faced when he laid siege to the city. The one whose dagger had 'Never give up without a fight' written on it?"

Ozai himself glanced at his son. "You're talking about the general that surrendered to him, right? The one that gave up that dagger that said to never give up?"

"Um… yeah… him…" The scarred boy cringed. "Long… Feng…? He took over all of-."

The Fire Nation princess shook her head. "He caved as soon as I took over the Dai Lee and didn't do anything after all that."

"What…about… the Earth… k-?"

"Zuzu, if that last word is going to be 'king' I'm going to smack you so hard, your scar will go flying off."

The prince groaned. He then let himself relax and let out a long exhale. "So, I guess only three in every thousands of people in the Earth Kingdom actually is iron-willed." He then turned to his father. "Yeah. More troops'll do the trick. No need for anything else."

Ozai nodded. "Alright then. General Shinu, make plans to transport our domestic troops abroad after the invasion."

Shinu bowed. "Yes, Sir!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Here's more goodness from the war meeting. And I bet it's one you never, ever thought of.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Inside the Fire Nation palace, Fire Lord Ozai watched his son bow to him before taking the seat at his right side. The ruler of the Fire Nation then turned his head towards his generals who sat around a long, rectangular map of the Earth Kingdom. "General Shinu, your report."<p>

A middle-aged man with a beard and long sideburns stood. "Thank you, Sir!" He began walking towards the far end of the map. "Ba Sing Se is still under our control. However, earth bender rebellions have prevented us from achieving total victory in the Earth Kingdom."

The Fire lord narrowed his eyes. "What is your recommendation?"

"Our army is spread too thin. But once the eclipse is over and the invasion defeated, we should transfer more domestic forces into the Earth Kingdom."

"Hmmm…" Ozai turned to his son. "Prince Zuko, you've been among the Earth Kingdom commoners, do you think that adding more troops will stop these rebellions?"

Zuko lowered his head. "The people of the Earth Kingdom are proud and strong. They can endure anything, as long as they have hope."

The Fire lord glanced to the side. "Yes… You're right…" He then narrowed his eyes. "We need to destroy their hope."

The prince quickly turned towards his father. "Well, that's not exactly what I-."

Azula flicked her hair. "_I_ think, you should take their precious hope, and the rest of their land and _burn it_, all to the ground."

Ozai smiled and furrowed his brow further. "Yes… Yes, you're right, Azula." He walked off his throne and towards the large map. "Sozin's Comet is almost upon us. And on that day, it will endow us with the strength and power of 100 suns! _No bender will stand a chance against us_!"

General Shinu stood calmly. "What are you… suggesting, Sir?"

"When the comet last came, my grandfather, Fire Lord Sozin, used it to wipe out the Air Nomads. Now, I will use its power to end the Earth Kingdom, _permanently_!" The ruler of the Fire Nation stepped onto the atlas. "From our airships, we will rain fire over their lands, a fire that will destroy _everything_!"

Ozai spread his arms out. "And out of the ashes, a new world will be born, a world in which _all_ the lands are Fire Nation and _I_ am the supreme ruler of EVERYTHING!" He threw his hands upward as his generals applauded vigorously.

A few moments later, Ozai lowered his arms as his top military advisers continued to clap. Then a few more moments passed and the generals lowered their hands while the Fire lord remained standing on the map.

A general with long, grey hair cleared his throat. "My lord, shall we continue with this meeting?"

Ozai blinked twice. "What? Oh, yes. Of course." He then walked off the atlas and back onto his throne between his children. "What is the next order of business?"

"Well, we need to make sure everything is ready for the eclipse. Um… Let's see… I do believe all of our troops have been briefed… The underground bunkers have all been prepared…"

Another general with short, brown hair raised his hand a bit. "I did want to go over the escape procedure for the civilians... We need to make sure everyone leaves the city in a quick, but orderly fashion... You know, to avoid problems."

The Fire lord nodded. "Yes, yes. We do need to make sure of that. What about airships and war balloons? Do we have enough of them once the eclipse is over?"

Shinu pressed his hands against his sides. "I do believe so, Sir… I think we have five of each ready. Is it five of each?"

A general with long, brown hair nodded. "Yes, five of each. Fully stocked,… too."

"Alright then." General Shinu cleared his throat. "We also need to talk about…" The military commander lowered his head, took a deep breath, and let out a sigh. "Ok, I need to ask, does anyone else feel _really_ awkward right now?"

"Yup."

"Uh huh."

"Completely."

"Every fiber of my being."

Ozai himself groaned. "Yeah. I suppose it was a bit of a mistake to put all that energy and passion into the very first thing we talked about. And that _was_ the first thing we talked about."

Azula sighed. "Of course it was. You said you weren't going to start until Zuko showed up. And it's not like we'd have this meeting so close to the day of the invasion and only talk about what we're going to do after the eclipse is over."

A general with his grey hair in a ponytail nodded. "It's quite a shame we didn't save that for last. You know, after all the other details we needed to talk about."

The ruler of the Fire Nation huffed. "I know. But what should we do now? I mean, this is a historic meeting that we will write about in the history books of our nation."

Zuko's raised his hand slowly. "I have an idea." His father raised an eyebrow.

"Go on…"

"Let's not talk about the rest of it."

"What?"

"Let's not talk about anything else that happens in this meeting past the point where the generals applaud you, Father. Not for history books. Not when we're talking to our grandchildren. Not even if we're conversing with people who we barely got to trust us. Just. Never. Talk about it."

The princess glanced at her brother. "So we should just hope that no one thinks to think about what happened in the rest of this meeting?"

"Yeah, it might work."

Everyone in the room rubbed their chins for a few seconds.

"Good enough for me."

"I agree. Well done, Prince Zuko."

"Sure helps us save face."

"Oh, yes. If anyone heard about what else happened in the meeting, it'd look extremely dull and kinda stupid."

General Shinu stood a bit taller as he smiled. "Now, back to the airships…"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Did anyone but me ask, 'What was it like in the rest of that meeting'?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Under a midday sky, Zuko stood across from the bald monk on an open terrace of his family's beach house. From the corner of his eye, he spotted the boy's water bending teacher and lemur sitting a few yards away from them, underneath a small roof. "There's one technique you need to know before facing my father: How to redirect lightning."<p>

The prince saw his student smile as he extended an arm and pointed with his first two fingers. He then traced a line through his arm, down to his stomach, and then extended his other arm out. "If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightning will follow it." The scarred teen repeated the movements with opposite arms. "You turn your opponent's energy against them."

Aang's eyes beamed. "That's like water bending!"

"Exactly." The fire bender watched the nomad imitate his moves. "My uncle invented this technique himself by studying water benders."

The Avatar looked at his newest teacher. "So… have _you_ ever redirected lightning before?"

"Once. Against my father."

"What did it feel like?"

Zuko relaxed his stance. "Exhilarating… But terrifying." He saw the nomad smile and then slouch. "You feel so powerful holding that much energy in your body. But you know if you make the wrong move, it's over."

The monk forced a light chuckle. "Well, not over _over_, I mean, there's always Katara and a little spirit water action…" He glanced at the Water Tribe girl. "… Am I right?"

Katara's face fell. "Actually, I used it all up after Azula shot you."

Aang slouched once more. "Oh."

The water bender nodded. "So, just to clarify: I cannot heal lightning without water from the Spirit Oasis…"

The scarred prince glared at the bald boy. "You'll have to take the Fire lord's life, before he takes yours."

Sokka's sister smiled lightly. "… after all, if I could heal lightning on my own, I'd be sure to mention that such an injury is not an issue to worry about."

The air bender cringed as the fire bender's words lingered in his ears. "Yeah… I'll just do that."

Katara then chuckled. "I mean, after all, why would I look so depressed while saying that I had no more spirit water if I had the ability or even thought I had any chance to heal a lightning wound on my own?"

Aang stood in the middle of the terrace as Zuko walked off.

The Water Tribe girl crossed her arms. "So, just remember, any lightning damage in a critical part of your body equals doomed unless I figure out some other trick for dealing with lightning damage. If I don't find some other trick or get some spirit water, you are doomed if you get hit with lightning."

* * *

><p><strong>[[But that's not all! Toph-y, show'em what they get in the <strong>_**third **_**multi-scene of ****Sozin's Comet****.**

**_Toph: Call me 'Toph-y' one more time and it's your finale. I'm still fuming about that horrible pun back at the start._]]**

* * *

><p>Under a midday sky, Zuko stood across from the bald monk on an open terrace of his family's beach house. From the corner of his eye, he spotted the boy's water bending teacher and lemur sat a few yards away from them, underneath a small roof. "There's one technique you need to know before facing my father: How to redirect lightning."<p>

The prince saw his student smile as he extended an arm and pointed with his first two fingers. He then traced a line through his arm, down to his stomach, and then extended his other arm out. "If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightning will follow it." The scarred teen repeated the movements with opposite arms. "You turn your opponent's energy against them."

Aang's eyes beamed. "That's like water bending!"

"Exactly." The fire bender watched the nomad imitate his moves. "My uncle invented this technique himself by studying water benders."

The Avatar looked at his newest teacher. "So… have _you_ ever redirected lightning before?"

"Once. Against my father."

"What did it feel like?"

Zuko relaxed his stance. "Exhilarating… But terrifying." He saw the nomad smile and then slouch. "You feel so powerful holding that much energy in your body. But you know if you make the wrong move, it's over."

The monk forced a light chuckle. "Well, not over _over_, I mean, there's always Katara and a little spirit water action…" He glanced at the Water Tribe girl. "… Am I right?"

Katara's face fell. "Actually, I used it all up after Azula shot you."

Aang slouched once more. "Oh."

Zuko rubbed his chin. "Actually, if you can reach the avatar state some how, you might have enough power to heal yourself, even from lightning; so long as it's on your arm or leg or someplace not-vital."

The air bender cringed once more. "I… actually don't know how to heal with water bending."

"WHAT?" The scarred prince's eyes shot open just before he spun his head towards Katara. "You never taught him how to heal people?"

The water bender cringed and shrugged. "I just didn't think there was a reason to."

"'Didn't think there was a…'?" Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. "How, with all the constant danger you people are in, did the thought of teaching someone else how to heal seem like a bad idea?"

"Sorry…" Katara glanced at the ground. A second later, her head perked up. "You know what, though? I'm surprised no one has pointed that out until now."

Aang glanced at the Water Tribe girl. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that, in all the time I've had the ability to heal, it seems like someone should have mentioned that I should've taught you already."

The prince lowered his hand. "Now that I think about it, yeah, someone should've said something."

The water bender rubbed her chin. "Perhaps one of the many spirits is responsible for this oversight. Not the ones that determine our fates, but one that makes observations about our fates."

The bald monk scratched his head. "I don't follow."

"Well, think about the spirits that determine our fates."

"Ok."

"Now, imagine that there's another spirit somewhere who observes what those fate-determining spirits have done and then creates some kind of document that reports on illogical errors the fate-determining spirits have caused us and others to make."

The scarred prince raised an eyebrow. "I think I follow. So this other spirit is a critic of sorts."

Katara snapped her fingers. "Exactly! Now, imagine that this other spirit, the one who's responsible for pointing out these errors, completely missed the fact that I should've been teaching Aang how to heal until yet another spirit, one that is friends with the critiquing spirit, pointed it out. _That_ would make how long it's taken someone to notice make perfect sense!"

Aang continued to scratch his head until he stopped and then shrugged. "If you say so."

* * *

><p><strong>[[I would like to thank my fellow writer and friend, MegaBob452, for pointing out the previous scene to me.<strong>

**Thanks, Bob.]]**

* * *

><p>As the sun began to set on the rocky outskirts of Ember Island, Sokka slammed a watermelon with a mean face and fake beard onto a wooden peg covered in robes. "Gather 'round, Team Avatar!" He stood with his arms behind his back as Aang, his sister, Toph, Zuko, and Suki stepped towards him. "In order to take out the Fire lord, or, in this case, the Melon lord, our timing has to be perfect."<p>

The Water Tribe warrior knelt down and began sketching in the dirt. "First, Suki and I will draw his fire. Then, Katara and Zuko charge in with some liquidy-hot offense. And while the Melon lord is distracted, Aang swoops in… and BAM! He delivers the final blow."

The blind earth bender smirked. "Uh… What about me?"

"For now, you're the Melon lord's forces."

"So I get to chuck flaming rocks at all of you?"

Sokka smiled back. "Whatever makes the training feel more realistic."

"Sweetness."

At that moment, Suki raised her hand. "Sokka, you're forgetting someone else in this exercise."

The Water Tribe boy glanced at his girlfriend. "No I didn't. You're drawing his fire with me."

The Kyoshi warrior shook her head. "No, not me, someone else. Someone who weighs _ten tons_!"

Sokka blinked twice. "Ohhhh… Yeah. See, the reason Appa isn't here is because we don't have a lot of time to practice, so I needed to make the training as close as possible to how it's going to be in the real fight."

Suki raised an eyebrow. "That makes no sense! Why on Earth would you plan for our giant flying beast not being present?" Suddenly, everyone around her burst into loud laughter as her eyes bulged.

The female warrior glanced left and right. "What's so funny?"

The laughter continued.

"Guys, I don't get it? Appa is enormous and can shoot giant air blasts with his tail! Our plans should be built as much around him as they are around Aang!"

Just then the laughter stopped as Katara and the others stared at the Kyoshi warrior. "That's right… She doesn't know yet."

Suki quickly turned her head and stared at each of her friends. "Doesn't know what?"

Sokka leaned forward and put a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "Listen, Honey, if you're going to be a part of Team Avatar, there's something we need to warn you about…"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With a dark sky over Ember Island Aang paced back and forth in front of his friends as they ate their dinners on an open terrace. "This goes against <em>everything<em> I learned from the monks. I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like."

The Water Tribe warrior put down his dish and smiled. "Sure you can! You're the avatar. If it's in the name of keeping balance, I'm sure the Universe will understand."

The monk's body tensed as he squeezed his hands into fists. A second later, he spun around and glared at his friend. "This isn't a joke, Sokka! None of you understands the position I'm in!"

Katara stared at her bald friend and furrowed her brow. "Aang, we do understand. It's just-."

"Just, what, Katara? What?"

"We're trying to understand why you're acting like this now!"

The air bender blinked twice. "Huh?"

The water bender huffed. "Look, I understand that, even though we saw the corpses of Fire Nation soldiers littered around the Air Temple, clearly showing that the Air Nomads were willing to kill in self-defense, you aren't willing to because you're young, you see things in black and white, plus, being the last of your people, you may want to hold onto the their teachings more conservatively then they were.

"We also understand that you aren't mad about some of the times others have killed people. After all, what someone else does with their spiritual purity is their business, not yours.

"But what we're having trouble figuring out is why you're suddenly acting like this when you've obviously killed before and when it was completely intentional!"

Aang's eyes widened. "What do you mean? When did I do that?"

Katara threw her hands on her hips. "You're joking, right? What about when we were lost in the desert and you went full-force against that vulture bee that grabbed Momo? _After_ Momo was free."

The monk cringed. "Umm… mulligan."

"_Excuse me_?"

"Mulligan. Doesn't count."

Toph crossed her arms. "And what about when you burst through that one war balloon when they attacked us during the invasion? You think they just descended softly? They crashed hard into the ground from hundreds of feet up."

"Mulligan."

Sokka raised an eyebrow. "And at the Northern Air Temple? When everyone, including you, was knocking Fire Nation soldiers off of a tremendously steep cliff?"

Aang crossed his arms and smiled. "Mulligan!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[I can't just walk away from this scene while only saying one thing.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>With a dark sky over Ember Island Aang paced back and forth in front of his friends as they ate their dinners on an open terrace. "This goes against <em>everything<em> I learned from the monks. I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like."

The Water Tribe warrior put down his dish and smiled. "Sure you can! You're the avatar. If it's in the name of keeping balance, I'm sure the Universe will understand."

The monk's body tensed as he squeezed his hands into fists. A second later, he spun around and glared at his friend. "This isn't a joke, Sokka! None of you understands the position I'm in!"

Katara stared at her bald friend and furrowed her brow. "Aang, we do understand. It's just-."

"Just, what, Katara? What?"

"We're trying to help!"

Aang glared at the water bender and pointed a finger at her. "Then why don't you figure out a way for me to beat the Fire lord without taking his life! I'd _love_ to hear it!"

The Water Tribe girl sighed. "I guess I could teach you blood bending."

The air bender blinked twice. "What?"

"Yeah." Katara shrugged. "I mean, I have my own reservations against it, but if you're that adamant about not killing Ozai, I guess I can suck it up and teach it to you. Granted, it's a long shot, 'cause you'd probably have to be in the avatar state to use it and there's the problem with your locked chakra. But, if you can manage to get into the avatar state, this could work."

"Wow…" Aang relaxed and smiled. "Wow! Thank you so much, Katara! And yes, it will work! In the avatar state, I'll have the power to condense a tidal wave's worth of water into a thin ring around my body and be in full control of it! Thank you so much"

The water bender smiled back and nodded. "You're welcome."

* * *

><p><strong>[[<em>Toph: So, Dave, are you done with this scene?<em>**

**Nope. There's still more. And, while we're at it:**

**1**

_**Toph: 1?**_

**1 ]]**

* * *

><p>With a dark sky over Ember Island Aang paced back and forth in front of his friends as they ate their dinners on an open terrace. "This goes against <em>everything<em> I learned from the monks. I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like."

The Water Tribe warrior put down his dish and smiled. "Sure you can! You're the avatar. If it's in the name of keeping balance, I'm sure the Universe will understand."

The monk's body tensed as he squeezed his hands into fists. A second later, he spun around and glared at his friend. "This isn't a joke, Sokka! None of you understands the position I'm in!"

Katara stared at her bald friend and furrowed her brow. "Aang, we do understand. It's just-."

"Just, what, Katara? What?"

"We're trying to help!"

Aang glared at the water bender and pointed a finger at her. "Then why don't you figure out a way for me to beat the Fire lord without taking his life! I'd _love_ to hear it!" He then stormed off the terrace, towards the house.

The water bender glared at the bald boy as he marched off. "Aang! Don't walk away from this!" She began to storm after him, but felt a hand grab her shoulder. Spinning around, she saw the prince of the Fire Nation gently eyeing her.

"Let him go. The answer's simple."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "It is?"

"Yeah, one of us will deliver the finishing blow. I mean, we're planning to attack my father altogether, so if Aang can get him to be on the defensive or to drop his guard, one us will just deliver the coup de grace."

The Water Tribe girl rubbed her chin. "Hmmm… That makes perfect sense. I mean, during our attacks, _we_ are going to be fighting to kill, so it's not like it's changing anything. And we are planning to fight him together. Yeah, we'll just tell Aang something and then finish the job ourselves."

Behind water and fire bender, Suki smiled. "Good plan, Zuko."

The prince smiled and shrugged. "Well, it was kinda obvious, but thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>[[ 2 ]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As two candles provided the sole light on the porch outside Aang's room, the young Avatar sat and meditated with his dinner and the burning wax on a small table in front of him. Just then, his lemur flew up to him and put his paws on the boy's lap. "Hey, Momo."<p>

Aang opened his eyes and patted his pet. "I don't suppose you know what I should do."

The flying rodent chirped.

"Hmmm… You know, for some reason, that sounded like, 'Just go into the Spirit World for advice like you did that other time you were faced with a horrible threat from the Fire Nation that you didn't know how to deal with back at the North Pole. After all, you are a much more skilled avatar now, you may not need such a highly-spiritual place to reach and talk to the spirits. Sure, you may have to do a dance with Koh again, but if you're really at your wit's end about this, you should at least give it a shot. You may not even get into the Spirit World, but it's worth a try.'"

The nomad rubbed his head and raised an eyebrow. "I must be losing my mind. There's no way you said that." He sighed. "I guess you don't know what to do, either."

Momo glared at the Avatar and chirped once more.

The monk narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to pretend I didn't lose my mind hearing that."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With Zuko holding onto Appa's reins, the sky bison flew the prince, the Water Tribe siblings, the blind earth bender, and the Kyoshi warrior towards the Eastern horizon.<p>

From the back of the ten-ton beast's saddle, Sokka looked down at the scarred boy. "Zuko, I don't wanna tell you how to do your job, but why are we headed towards the Earth Kingdom? There's no way Aang's there."

The fire bender glanced back at the male warrior. "Just trust me."

The Water Tribe boy narrowed his eyes. "Ok… Or, since the fate of our lives and the world are on the line, you could just _tell us_ why we're going to be spending hours and hours flying in what we know is the wrong direction when we're on the clock."

Zuko turned his eyes back towards the horizon. "No."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the sun setting over the Palace City, Fire Lord Ozai stepped out of his palanquin and onto a stone dock that lay on the coast of the capital city of his country. Below the platform he walked across, legions of his followers remained bowing behind him, lined up between the start and end of the stone dock with a line of imperial fire benders standing before him. Flags and tapestries, baring the Fire Nation insignia, hung all around the ruler of fire benders as he took his steps towards a large metal ship and stopped onto a large painting of a gold phoenix, surrounded by red stone.<p>

A moment later, Azula hurried behind her father and knelt down on one knee. "Sorry I'm late, Father. Good palanquin bearers are _so_ hard to come by these days." She then smiled. "So, is everything ready for our departure?"

The Fire lord folded his hands behind his back as he stared out into the ocean. "There has been a change of plans, Azula."

The princess's eyes shot open. "What?"

"I've decided to lead the fleet of airships to Ba Sing Se… _alone_. You will remain here, in the Fire Nation."

Azula raised her head and softened her eyes. "But… I thought we were going to do this together."

"My decision is final."

The young fire bender shot to her feet and glared at her father. "You… You can't treat me like this!" She jerked the left side of her face forward. "You can't treat me like _Zuko_!"

"Azula, silence yourself."

The princess began to tense. "But it was _my_ idea to burn everything to the ground! I DESERVE TO BE BY YOUR SIDE!"

Ozai spun his head around and glared at his daughter. "_Azula_!"

The azure-fire bender froze. Then she cringed and lowered her head.

"Listen to me. I need you here to watch over the homeland. It's a very important job that I can only entrust to you."

The princess's eyes softened as she smiled. "Really…?"

"And for your loyalty,…" The ruler of the Fire Nation turned around. "…I've decided to declare you the new Fire lord."

"'Fire Lord Azula…'?" The female now-ruler quivered for a moment as she smiled. "It does seem appropriate." She looked up at her father. "But, what about you?"

"Fire Lord Ozai is no more." Zuko's father smiled as two sages placed gold armor and a black cape on him. "Just as the world will be reborn in fire, _I_ shall be reborn as the supreme ruler of the world. From this moment on, I will be known as: The Phoenix King!"

Ozai spread his arm into the air just two soldiers raised as an enormous black and red flag with a gold phoenix in the center behind him. A moment later, dozens soldiers lifted up dozens of black tapestries with the gold phoenix woven into them. Imperial fire benders then blasted flames into a piping system that burst fire out on either side of the pillars that supported the flag behind the Phoenix King.

As Azula saw her father staring down at her, fully armored and with fire and ceremony echoing around him, the now-crowned-princess raised an eyebrow. "How in Agni's name did I miss all this? I mean, I know I've been off my game a little, but how was I never aware of all these flags being made, this giant stone podium being built, the phoenix being engraved into it, and hear absolutely _nothing_ about the soldiers and sages rehearsing what they're going to do when you show up and go through all the motions of becoming Phoenix King Ozai?"

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world lowered his arms and crossed them in front of his chest. "_Now_ do you understand why I'm not taking you with me?"

The young fire bender sighed. "Yes…"

* * *

><p><strong>The next part of the AtLA finale is just a click away. But don't forget to hit that review button first so you don't have to review everything all at once.<strong>


	58. Sozin's Comet: Part 2

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 2 - The Old Mashuganas  
><strong>

The night sky loomed overhead as the Avatar's friends rode atop Appa. Following June and her shirshu, they flew over the Northeastern lands of the Earth Kingdom and landed at the outskirts of the country's capital.

Zuko looked at the demolished hole in the city's wall as the sky bison's feet touched the ground. "We made it to Ba Sing Se?"

The bounty hunter straddled her blind mole as it scratched at the outside of the wall. "Nyla's getting twitchy, so he can't be too far. Good luck." June then rode off on her beast.

The scarred prince, however, continued to stare at the stone barricade that surrounded the city. "Does this raise anyone else's suspicions?"

Katara nodded. "Yeah, it does. I was already wondering how we got all the way from the Fire Nation to the Earth Kingdom in less than a day. Even flying it shouldn't have taken that little time. But I let that slide because I didn't know exactly were Ember Island is in the Fire Nation. If we were on the eastern-most tip of the country, I could see us getting to the closest western-most point of the Earth Kingdom in such a short time and I don't know where that tavern was on a map."

Sokka scratched his head. "I understand that. But then how did we get as far as Ba Sing Se so soon? Appa has never been able to fly that far that fast before."

Toph rubbed her chin. "Maybe his disappearing tricks have greatly increased his speed."

Suki shrugged. "Either that or Appa's been holding back on you guys."

The sky bison suddenly narrowed his eyes and shifted his pupils left and right.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With Momo nestled on his shoulder and a setting sun hanging above, Aang hiked through the jungle island until he reached the highest point of the floating landmass. There, he looked down and found a mass of beige tiles laid into the ground with a large, brown, symmetrical flower design in its center. "It's a hexagon."<p>

The monk walked to the center and felt the tiles as his lemur hopped off his shoulder. "It doesn't feel like normal rock." He stood up and swung his arms while releasing bending energy. However, the tiles remained still. "It's not made of earth!" The boy flailed his arms before sitting down.

"This is so strange." The tattooed youth clutched his head. "I wish I had some help right now. I wish I had Roku!" His arms dropped and his eyes lowered. A moment later, his head perked up.

"I _do _have Roku!"

The air bender immediately sat up, put his hands into his lap, and took a deep breath. A few moments later, his body became surrounded by a blue vapor and Momo scurried away. The gases quickly slid away from the monk's body and formed into the visage of Avatar Roku in the center of the Hexagon.

"You are right, Aang. All the past avatars, all their experience wisdom, is available to you; if you look deep inside yourself."

The former Avatar cringed. "So, in hindsight, I probably should've told you that you could do this a _lot_ sooner."

The nomad began to cross his arms and glare, but just relaxed his body and shook his head. "With you, Roku, I'm used to it."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Hey, Toph?<strong>

_**Toph: Yeah, Dave?**_

**How many times has Roku been the butt of the scene he's in?**

_**Toph: You know, it's been practically every single one of them.**_

**Well, Toph, you know what?**

_**Toph: What?**_

**It's Roku's lucky day.]]**

* * *

><p>With Momo nestled on his shoulder and a setting sun hanging above, Aang hiked through the jungle island until he reached the highest point of the floating landmass. There, he looked down and found a mass of beige tiles laid into the ground with a large, brown, symmetrical flower design in its center. "It's a hexagon."<p>

The monk walked to the center and felt the tiles as his lemur hopped off his shoulder. "It doesn't feel like normal rock." He stood up and swung his arms while releasing bending energy. However, the tiles remained still. "It's not made of earth!" The boy flailed his arms before sitting down.

"This is so strange." The tattooed youth clutched his head. "I wish I had some help right now. I wish I had Roku!" His arms dropped and his eyes lowered. A moment later, his head perked up.

"I _do _have Roku!"

The air bender immediately sat up, put his hands into his lap, and took a deep breath. A few moments later, his body became surrounded by a blue vapor and Momo scurried away. The gases quickly slid away from the monk's body and formed into the visage of Avatar Roku in the center of the Hexagon.

"You are right, Aang. All the past avatars, all their experience wisdom, is available to you; if you look deep inside yourself."

The nomad glanced around the jungle. "So where am I, Roku? What is this place?"

The old fire bender narrowed his eyes. "I… don't know, Aang." He glanced at his reincarnation. "But I see that you are lost in more ways than one right now."

"I am!" The air bender furrowed his brow and lowered his head. "I need to figure out what to do once I face the Fire lord! Everyone expects me to take the Fire lord's life. But I just don't know if I can do that!"

Roku tsked. "So just break his arms and legs."

Aang blinked twice. "'Break his arms and legs'?"

"Sure. Break them all into, like, a hundred pieces, beyond the point of any kind of healing. But, afterwards, take care of him and treat him just enough so that the bone fragments don't disrupt any veins or arteries. His limbs will be completely useless, he'll only be able to bend out of his mouth, which won't be a lot after the comet, he won't die, and he'll be so helpless that no one would follow him on the path of conquest."

"Wou… Would that really work?"

The former avatar shrugged. "Well, as long as you don't mind him being a cripple for the rest of his life, yeah, it'll work just fine."

* * *

><p><strong>[[ 3 ]]<strong>

* * *

><p>With the moon and stars shining above, Suki watched as her boyfriend, his sister, and the traitor prince bow to several old men in blue and white robes. "So, wait! How do you all know each other?"<p>

Bumi smirked. "All old people know each other. Don't you know that?" He then chuckled.

Beside the old earth bender, Piandao smiled. "We're all part of the same ancient, secret society. A group that transcends the divisions of the four nations."

A soft smile grew on Zuko's face. "The Order of the White Lotus."

Bumi slid forward. "That's the one!" He then slid back as Jeong-Jeong stared at him.

"The White Lotus has always been about philosophy and beauty _and_ truth! But, about a month ago, a call went out that we were needed for something important."

Pakku eyed the young fire bender. "It came from a grand lotus. Your uncle, Iroh of the Fire Nation."

The scarred teen stared back at the old water bender. "I'm sorry… could you guys repeat that? 'Cause I think I had something stupid stuck in my ear."

Zuko watched the four old men jerk their heads back and glare at the prince. "You see, it sounded like you said that, despite the fact that my uncle knew the comet was coming, he didn't send word to convene on Ba Sing Se until a month ago."

In front of her new grandfather, Katara scratched her head. "Well, that doesn't sound too strange. After all, your uncle was in prison after Ba Sing Se fell until a little over a month ago."

Behind the young fire bender, Toph crossed her arms. "You're missing the point, Suger Queen. Any half-brained would've had the entirety of the White Lotus planning to convene and take Ba Sing Se the moment that it, i.e. the Fire Nation's prime target, was conquered. See the flow of logic? Fire Nation's prime target, back up plan to liberate it should it ever become conquered, all things put together by a brilliant general who can plan 200 moves ahead?"

The scarred prince nodded. "Exactly! I mean, my uncle's plan is sounding like he wanted the whole thing rather hastily assembled and put together so that exact details couldn't be seconded guessed by anyone, since there wasn't enough time."

)()()()()()()()()(

A few miles away, from the Avatar's friends, Iroh suddenly awoke from his slumber inside his tent and felt a shiver going down his spine. _#`*&! It feels like someone's on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With a dark sky looming over the floating island the last Air Nomad found himself on, the young Avatar sat with his legs crossed and his hands in his lap. "Avatar Kyoshi, I need your wisdom!"<p>

Momo scurried about the tiled hexagon as a cloud of blue vaper flew out of the tattooed boy's body and formed into a tall woman wearing a large robe and head gear.

Avatar Kyoshi sat across from the newest keeper of balance as she spoke. "Just cut off his arms and legs and cauterize the wounds shut."

Aang blinked twice. "'Cut off his arms and legs'?"

"Sure. You must have seen by now that water bending can become sharp and strong enough to make a clean cut through stone. What makes you think it couldn't do the same to flesh? Anyway, just slice off Fire Lord Ozai's arms and legs and quickly use a decent amount of fire to burn the wounds closed. Afterwards, apply some water bending healing to make sure the scar tissue is free from infection. He'll only be able to bend out of his mouth, which won't be a lot after the comet, he won't die, and not many quadruple amputees can inspire the fear and confidence needed to lead an army."

"Wou… Would that really work?"

The former avatar shrugged. "Well, as long as you don't mind him being a gimp for the rest of his life, yeah, it'll work just fine."

* * *

><p><strong>[[ 4 ]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As the elderly members of the White Lotus led the Avatar's friends and his bison through the outskirts of Ba Sing Se, Sokka stepped closer to the former king of Omashu. "So, Bumi, how did you end up escaping your imprisonment in Omashu?"<p>

The old earth bender raised an eyebrow. "'Escape'?" He tilted his head back. "I didn't escape, everybody _else_ escaped!" He held up his arms. "There I was, back in Omashu, waiting for _just_ the right moment. I didn't know what or when, but I knew I'd know it when I knew it!"

Bumi then told the children how he used his head and neck to break a roof and use the fragments to free himself from the metal box the Fire Nation held him in. He smiled as he recalled battling with Fire Nation soldiers. He then explained how he ripped factories apart and sent them sliding down Omashu's steep slopes, crushing countless structures as they fell. Finally, he spoke of how he desecrated the metal statue of Fire Lord Ozai that stood at the peek of his city and then sent it careening down the hill and destroying the bridge.

When the master earth bender finished his story, he noticed the five youths all staring at him. "Impressive, huh?"

Suki glared at the former king. "No, ridiculously stupid. If you had all that strength and power after months of not moving, you could have decimated the Fire Nation's army that invaded instead of surrendering."

Bumi chuckled. "But, it was not the right time, my dear."

Katara scoffed. "'Not the right time'? Bumi, there's a difference between 'mad genius' and 'stupid as sin.' Because of you, countless people lost their homes, their way of life, and were forced underground until they ran out of the city and into the unknown. I don't even know what ended up happening to them!"

"Well, to the untrained eye, it does appear that way. However,-."

Sokka furrowed his brow. "And my sister is only talking about Omashu! Once the Fire Nation didn't have to worry about conquering your city anymore _and_ started using it as a place to produce more weapons and equipment from those factories, so many more Earth Kingdom towns and villages were probably conquered and many others would have lost their lives in the battles! You could've stopped it all if you had just easily defeated the force that attacked!"

The old earth bender scratched his head. "Well, you can't really blame me for-."

Toph crossed her arms. "Yes we can! 'Cause you're a horrible person and the death and suffering of hundreds, maybe thousands, is on your empty head!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[I hate Bumi so much, it cannot be contained in just one scene.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As the elderly members of the White Lotus led the Avatar's friends and his bison through the outskirts of Ba Sing Se, Sokka stepped closer to the former king of Omashu. "So, Bumi, how did you end up escaping your imprisonment in Omashu?"<p>

The old earth bender raised an eyebrow. "'Escape'?" He tilted his head back. "I didn't escape, everybody _else_ escaped!" He held up his arms. "There I was, back in Omashu, waiting for _just_ the right moment. I didn't know what or when, but I knew I'd know it when I knew it!"

Bumi then told the children how he used his head and neck to break a roof and use the fragments to free himself from the metal box the Fire Nation held him in. He smiled as he recalled battling with Fire Nation soldiers. He then explained how he ripped factories apart and sent them sliding down Omashu's steep slopes, crushing countless structures as they fell. Finally, he spoke of how he desecrated the metal statue of Fire Lord Ozai that stood at the peek of his city and then sent it careening down the hill and destroying the bridge.

When the master earth bender finished his story, Zuko crossed his arms and glared at him. "So let me get this straight, Bumi, despite having the power to get rid of the soldiers easily, you decided to kill and maim hundreds of innocent civilians?"

The old king jerked his head up. "I did no such-!"

"Who do you think was working in those factories? And who do you think came overseas with the people who work in the factories? And do you think they just left their children back in the homeland? You probably killed hundreds of workers who were just trying to put food on the table for their families who also lived in Omashu, who you probably killed or seriously injured!"

The prince threw his hands into the air as he continued to glare at the old earth bender. "I mean, sure the workers could have been building materials for the war effort. But you could have just crushed smokestacks or pipelines to make everyone evacuate, then crumble the building to dust if you wanted to! I could understand that! But the buildings were obviously destroyed when they finally came crashing to a halt, but you killed innocent workers, their spouses, and their children!

"And it's not like you couldn't have known this! I know how you were kept imprisoned! You had a full view of Omashu day-in and day-out!"

The scarred teen dropped his arms and scoffed as he marched past the elderly king, shoving him away. "Get out of my way, you horrible excuse for a human being!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>The night sky hung over the tattooed monk and the floating island as he sat on the tiled hexagon and clutched his head. "I need to look deep inside myself." He then closed his eyes and breathed calmly until blue vapor surrounded, then shot away from his body. The gases formed the image of a man wearing Water Tribe clothing and the skin of a white artic animal on his head.<p>

The man opened his eyes. "I am Avatar Kuruk. When I was young, I was always a go-with-the-flow kind of avatar. People seemed to work out their own problems and there was peace and good times in the world. But then, I lost the woman I loved to Koh... the Face Stealer."

Kuruk lowered his head. "It was my fault. If I had been more attentive and more active, I could have saved her."

The air bender raised an eyebrow. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes… it was. By ignoring my duties as the avatar, I-."

"Let people act like mature adults and solve their own small issues? I mean, I don't know what problems there were back then, but your words were 'work out their problems' not 'fight each other in blood-sport to the death.' You also said there was peace. We're the protectors of balance, not the babysitters of humanity. Plus, avatars don't get a say in whether we get the powers we get or not. There's no job description and no spirit comes up to us and says, 'Here're your responsibilities, do you still want this power?'"

The water bending avatar rubbed his chin.

"And even if there was some kind of agreement that our souls consent to before we're born, Koh attacked the girl you're in love with, not you. How was anything you did her fault? Before or after you met? Kuruk, what you did was let people not lean on you to solve every little squabble on the planet, you had fun and enjoyed yourself because you had no work to do, and, yet, someone else was punished for it! You aren't to blame, Koh is for being a giant prick!"

The Water Tribe's man lowered his hands and stared at the boy. "I don't know why I didn't see it before… Thank you so much, Aang! You have lifted a great weight off of my spirit!"

"Glad I could help. Now, can you help me figure out a way to beat Ozai without killing him?"

"You need to know how to do that? Well, sure I can help. Just break his spine right above the shoulder blades."

Aang blinked twice. "'Break his spine'?"

"Sure. Create a rock gauntlet around your hand that has a kinda-sharp but also kinda-blunt edge to it and strike him just a centimeter or two below where the neck meets the collar bone. If you can do that, he'll instantly become a quadriplegic and he'll be unable to use his arms and legs for the rest of his life. Now, the tricky part is breaking it in the right spot so that his organs will still function. If you hit too high, he'll die from organ and breathing failures. Though, if you can somehow trap him, like catch his hands between rocks and then pull him to the ground, that'd help. Or, better yet, break his spine a little lower at first, say around the waist. That way, his legs will be paralyzed and pinning him down to hit the correct spot will then become a lot easier."

"Wou… Would that really work?"

The former avatar shrugged. "Well, as long as you don't mind him being helpless and unable to move in the slightest bit for the rest of his life without help, yeah, it'll work just fine."

* * *

><p><strong>[[I liked that last scene. It was a very touching moment where two avatars helped one another overcome the trials life had thrown at them.<strong>

**Now, let's see how Yangchen helps Aang.**

**Also:**

**5 ]]**

* * *

><p>Dawn broke over the floating Island that the last Air Nomad rested upon as his pet lemur sat beside him on the tiled hexagon. Taking a deep breath, Aang closed his eyes and folded his arms and legs until a light-blue mist formed around his body and then slid several feet away. Momo scurried away as the vapor formed into a female air bender with long, dark hair coming out of the back half of her scalp and an arrow tattoo laying on the bald spot in the front of her head.<p>

"I am Avatar Yangchen, young air bender."

"Avatar Yangchen, the monks always taught me that all life is sacred; even the life of the tiniest spider-fly caught in its own web."

Yangchen nodded. "Yes. All life _is_ sacred. That's why you should just give Fire Lord Ozai a lobotomy."

Aang blinked twice. "'A lobotomy'?"

"Sure. It's a rarely-known and kinda dangerous procedure, but done right, you can change him completely into a less violent person. You'll have to knock him out first. And when I say 'knock him out,' I mean he needs to be stone-cold knocked out. Then, turn a rock into a very narrow, but long needle, about the size of an ice-pick. Next, to make sure the rocks are sterile, super-heat them with fire bending and then cool them however you can. After they're room-temperature again, slide the rock-needle up the top of his eye socket at about a 45-degree angle above his eyeball and towards his brain. You'll actually have to push down the eye for this. When you feel you've hit something squishy and very malleable, bend up a rock-hammer and give the needle a few taps. Just taps. Then repeat for the other eye, but remember to sterilize the stone ice-pick again. When it's all done, get a little water bending healing for the superficial wounds around the eye socket and pay attention to his vitals for the next 12 hours or so.

"Upon waking up, Ozai should be completely changed. He will have practically no violent tendencies, if any at all. He will also be very calm and open to diplomatic suggestions."

"Th… that sounds horribly risky. Will it work?"

The former avatar shrugged. "Well, like I said, you have to be careful with it. But, if you really are at your wits' end and you don't mind taking away what is well-known and established by many to be a key part of who a person is, thus leaving the Fire lord as nothing but a shell of his former self for the rest of his life, then, yeah, it'll work just fine."

* * *

><p><strong>[[ 6 ]]<strong>

* * *

><p>The morning sun rose over the White Lotus's base camp as Zuko sat in his uncle's tent and watched as the old fire bender slowly woke up and yawned. He then saw Iroh glance back at him with narrowed eyes and then turn away as he slumped his shoulders. The traitor prince began to tear up as he lowered his head. "Uncle,… I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me. But I want you to know…"<p>

The scarred teen started crying as his voice faltered. "… I am so, _so_ sorry, Uncle! I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did! I don't know how I can make it up to you! But I-!"

The Dragon of the West grabbed his nephew and pulled him into a tight, crushing hug as tears rolled out of his own eyes.

The young fire bender immediately grabbed his uncle, but stared with wide eyes at the floor. "How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you would be furious with me!"

Iroh cried onto his nephew's shoulder. "I was never angry with you. I was sad, because I was afraid you lost your way."

Zuko blinked twice and pushed himself away. "You were 'afraid I lost my way'?"

The grand lotus slowly pulled himself up. "Um, yes. I'm sorry, what's wrong with that, my nephew?"

"Well, nothing is wrong with _that_! However, I don't think shunning me for months as I tried to help you and came to you in your prison cell is what you do when you're 'afraid someone lost their way.'"

The former general gulped. "Well, I couldn't just condone what you had done, which I believed was very wrong. Plus, all you were doing was trying to hunt the Avatar again."

"Not condoning is one thing. But after months and months of never saying anything as I constantly risked everything by coming to see you? I mean, that's a bit much for only being afraid I lost my way."

Iroh sighed. "Ok, ok, so I exaggerated a little. I was angry at you. Happy now?"

"No… I'm not. What you did was wrong. For so long, you wanted me to choose my own path, but when I did and picked the one that helped my nation, you didn't explain that what the Fire Nation was doing was wrong until I was at my wit's end! Until then, you didn't try to get me on the right track or tell me that it wasn't too late! You just let me stir in my own mind, going crazy and losing it!"

The prince threw his hands into the air. "I mean, it's as if this 'way' you're talking about isn't the way I want, just what you want me to do!"

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! He's on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Dawn broke over the Avatar as he rose from his slumber on the tiled hexagon. He then glanced between a few trees and raised an eyebrow as he spotted a mountain range. "Wait, is it just me, or are those mountains getting bigger?"<p>

Momo leapt onto the bald boy's shoulders just before the tattooed youth used his air bending to leap up the tallest tree on the island's summit.

At the top, Aang looked at the mountains and then turned around to see ripples being made in the water as the island moved. "They're not getting larger…" He smiled. "They're getting closer!"

The nomad then jumped down from the tree and ran down a hill. "The whole island is moving!" Once he reached the end of the floating land, he dove straight into the water.

A few seconds after submerging, a thought entered Aang's head. _Wait. Why was my first instinct to jump into the water? I don't know what's down here! My best bet is to get to the land and then find out where I am._

* * *

><p><strong>[[I think all the stress has gotten to Aang. Here's why:]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Dawn broke over the Avatar as he rose from his slumber on the tiled hexagon. He then glanced between a few trees and raised an eyebrow as he spotted a mountain range. "Wait, is it just me, or are those mountains getting bigger?"<p>

Momo leapt onto the bald boy's shoulders just before the tattooed youth used his air bending to leap up the tallest tree on the island's summit.

At the top, Aang looked at the mountains and then turned around to see ripples being made in the water as the island moved. "They're not getting larger…" He smiled. "They're getting closer!"

The nomad then jumped down from the tree and ran down a hill. "The whole island is moving!" Once he reached the end of the floating land, he dove straight into the water.

A few seconds after submerging, Aang saw large clumps of fur as well as a giant claw moving directly underneath the ground. The boy quickly emerged from the under the waves and took in air as his lemur flew onto a nearby tree root. "It's amazing, Momo! The biggest animal in the world! I gotta swim around and find its face! I mean, obviously nothing bad could happen if I swim towards the mouth of an enormous animal that I know nothing about so early in the morning when it could be hungry and want breakfast!"

The air bender froze instantly and then blinked twice. "Wow… I am _really_ glad I said that out loud before I did anything." He then swam back onto the island.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As everyone in the White Lotus's camp ate their breakfasts, Zuko sat in a circle with his friends and the Dragon of the West. "Uncle, you're the only person, other than the Avatar, who could possibly defeat the Father lord."<p>

Toph perked her head up. "You mean, 'the Fire lord.'"

The prince scowled at the blind girl. "That's what I just said!"

Iroh lowered his head and groaned as the children resumed eating.

The scarred teen clenched his fist. "We need you to come with us!"

The former general lifted his neck and stared at his nephew. "No, Zuko, it won't turn out well."

"You can beat him! And we'll be there to help."

"Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don't know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as more senseless violence: A brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the _Avatar_ to defeat the Fire lord."

The young fire bender looked down and then back at his uncle. "And then… then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?"

"No… Someone new must take the throne; an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be _you_, Prince Zuko."

The prince's eyes shot open. "Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes!"

Toph scoffed. "Yeah, like listening to this old windbag."

Zuko spun his head towards the earth bender and glared at her. "How dare you call my uncle that!"

The blind girl put down her bowl and crossed her arm. "Ok, I'll instead call him, 'Guy who thinks history will see the struggle as brother killing brother for power when one of those brothers was never going to take the power in the first place.'" She spat on the ground. "Is _that_ a better name for him?"

Everyone in the circle stared at the small girl and then turned towards Iroh.

The former general immediately tensed. "Well… uh… even if I put Zuko on the throne, people would think I was putting just a puppet for me to manipulate. If the Avatar does it, it will seem more like an impartial decision."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Wait a second… Weren't half your lessons to me about not worrying what people thought about you and only doing what you know is right? You know you aren't going after power, so why not fight Father? Or at the very least, help the Avatar. Besides, didn't you tell me that it was fine to take down Azula after she shot you in the heart with blue fire back at that ghost town in the Earth Kingdom?"

Toph crossed her arms. "So, which is it?"

The Dragon of the West gulped. "You see… um… history… Yes! History! In the next few generations, peoples of both sides will be unsatisfied and commit further acts of violence!"

The small girl raised an eyebrow. "More violence then the torching of an entire continent? I think we'd be better off taking our chances."

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! They're on to me._

* * *

><p><strong>[[Oh, Iroh, you're veil is so thin, even a child can see through it.<strong>

**_Toph: Hehe, yea-… HEY!_]]**

* * *

><p>As everyone in the White Lotus's camp ate their breakfasts, Zuko sat in a circle with his friends and the Dragon of the West. "Uncle, you're the only person, other than the Avatar, who could possibly defeat the Father lord."<p>

Toph perked her head up. "You mean, 'the Fire lord.'"

The prince scowled at the blind girl. "That's what I just said!"

Iroh lowered his head and groaned as the children resumed eating.

The scarred teen clenched his fist. "We need you to come with us!"

The former general lifted his neck and stared at his nephew. "No, Zuko, it won't turn out well."

"You can beat him! And we'll be there to help."

"Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don't know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as more senseless violence: A brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the _Avatar_ to defeat the Fire lord."

Toph began turning her head left and right. "So where's the Earth king, then?"

The Dragon of the West shrugged. "I don't know. Why would he be here?"

"Well, you're talking about ending wars the right way and making sure history accepts them. How's it gonna look when a naïve, incompetent king isn't even present when his capital is retaken?"

Iroh cringed. "Um… Uh… Moving on! Zuko, you must become the next Fire lord."

The blind girl groaned.

* * *

><p><strong>[[And, yet, there's more!]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As everyone in the White Lotus's camp ate their breakfasts, Zuko sat in a circle with his friends and the Dragon of the West. "Uncle, you're the only person, other than the Avatar, who could possibly defeat the Father lord."<p>

Toph perked her head up. "You mean, 'the Fire lord.'"

The prince scowled at the blind girl. "That's what I just said!"

Iroh lowered his head and groaned as the children resumed eating.

The scarred teen clenched his fist. "We need you to come with us!"

The former general lifted his neck and stared at his nephew. "No, Zuko, it won't turn out well."

"You can beat him! And we'll be there to help."

"Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don't know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as more senseless violence: A brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the _Avatar_ to defeat the Fire lord."

The young fire bender looked down and then back at his uncle. "And then… then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?"

"No… Someone new must take the throne; an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be _you_, Prince Zuko."

The prince's eyes shot open. "Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes!"

"Yes, you have. You've struggled. You've suffered. But you have always followed your own path. You restored your _own_ honor. And only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation."

Zuko lowered his eyes. "I'll try, Uncle."

Toph lifted her head. "Well, what if Aang doesn't come back?"

Iroh sat up and puffed out his chest. "Sozin's Comet is arriving and our destinies are upon us! Aang _will_ face the Fire lord." The grand lotus then calmly closed his eyes. "When I was a boy, I had a vision that I would one day take Ba Sing Se. Only now do I see, that my destiny is to take it _back_ from the Fire Nation, so the Earth Kingdom can be free again."

Suki glanced at the tents and people around them. "That's why you gathered the members of the White Lotus."

"Yes."

"Ok, but why now?"

The Dragon of the West raised an eyebrow. "Well because this is the pinnacle moment. The time when all sides will take action against one another to-."

"You're missing my point." The Kyoshi warrior shook her head. "The Fire Nation has many, many fire benders who will be empowered by the comet. You guys have two, maybe a few more, but the point is: far less than them. Shouldn't you attack Ba Sing Se the day before or the day after? Even if you already know about the plan to use the comet's power on the Earth Kingdom, that still doesn't make any sense of what you're doing."

Suki slowly stood up. "See, if you take Ba Sing Se before the comet comes, which will be easier for you, you're fire benders will be able to use its power for some real effectiveness on the day of Sozin's Comet: taking down the airships from the ground. If you take Ba Sing Se after the comet comes, again, which will be easier for you, then you don't need to worry about the airships, since the soldiers on the airships won't have the fire power to do much damage to Ba Sing Se."

The bladed fan-wielder put her hands on her hips. "During the comet is actually the _worst_ possible time to free the city and…" She lightly chuckled. "… the only tactical reason I can think that you, personally, would want to attack the city now is so that you, Iroh of the Fire Nation, could make a great, grand show of power and be seen as the hero of the liberation."

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! She's on to me._

* * *

><p><strong>[[Remember when I gave that 'everyone knew this was coming' speech when it came time for Katara to use the spirit water on Jet? Insert those same lines here, just change the names.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As everyone in the White Lotus's camp ate their breakfasts, Zuko sat in a circle with his friends and the Dragon of the West. "Uncle, you're the only person, other than the Avatar, who could possibly defeat the Father lord."<p>

Toph perked her head up. "You mean, 'the Fire lord.'"

The prince scowled at the blind girl. "That's what I just said!"

Iroh lowered his head and groaned as the children resumed eating.

The scarred teen clenched his fist. "We need you to come with us!"

The former general lifted his neck and stared at his nephew. "No, Zuko, it won't turn out well."

"You can beat him! And we'll be there to help."

"Even if I did defeat Ozai, and I don't know that I could, it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as more senseless violence: A brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the _Avatar_ to defeat the Fire lord."

The young fire bender looked down and then back at his uncle. "And then… then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?"

"No… Someone new must take the throne; an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be _you_, Prince Zuko."

The prince's eyes shot open. "Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes!"

"Yes, you have. You've struggled. You've suffered. But you have always followed your own path. You restored your _own_ honor. And only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation."

Zuko lowered his eyes. "I'll try, Uncle."

Toph lifted her head. "Well, what if Aang doesn't come back?"

Iroh sat up and puffed out his chest. "Sozin's Comet is arriving and our destinies are upon us! Aang _will_ face the Fire lord." The grand lotus then calmly closed his eyes. "When I was a boy, I had a vision that I would one day take Ba Sing Se. Only now do I see, that my destiny is to take it _back_ from the Fire Nation, so the Earth Kingdom can be free again."

Suki glanced at the tents and people around them. "That's why you gathered the members of the White Lotus."

"Yes."

The Dragon of the West glanced at his nephew. "Zuko, you must go return to the Fire Nation so that, when the Fire lord falls, _you_ can assume the throne and restore _peace_ and order. But Azula will be there, waiting for you."

The prince raised an eyebrow. "So… I need to outsmart her and trick her until Aang arrives?"

Iroh shook his head. "No, take someone to help you battle her."

All five children slammed their bowls on the ground.

Sokka narrowed his eyes. "Ok, ignoring the fact that you're asking Zuko to get a minimal amount of help as he charges into the Fire Nation capitol…"

Toph crossed her arms. "…Seeing as we have no reason to assume that there won't be armies of super-powered benders stationed there…"

Katara furrowed her brow. "… Despite the fact that you have a small army to spare…"

Suki grinded her teeth. "… Which consists of top masters who could've done this liberation job months ago…"

Zuko snarled. "… You're telling me to fight my sister for the exact thing history 'would look badly on' if you fought your brother for!"

All of the Avatar's friends glared at the grand lotus. "WHAT IN THE SPIRIT WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Iroh cringed and gritted his teeth as he glanced left and right. _#`*&! They're __all __on to me._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>With the midday sun shining down on the White Lotus's camp, the blind earth bender and the Kyoshi warrior mounted a giant green lizard as Piandao stood next to the beast and in front of his student. "Nothing runs faster on land or swims quicker than a giant eel-hound." He then handed the Water Tribe boy a rolled-up map. "The airship base is on a small island just off the Earth Kingdom shore. You should be able to intercept the fleet within a day's journey."<p>

Sokka groaned as he lowered the parchment. "Master… I get that you guys knew about the airships, but didn't attack them. After all, I actually have no way of knowing if you knew about Ozai's plans with the comet, so attacking the airships could've given away your element of surprise. But, why are you only sending me, my girlfriend, and Toph to take down one of the most critical parts of Ozai's plan? Can't you give us some White Lotus members as back up? I mean, I know you have your whole plan to liberate Ba Sing Se, but every half-way decent strategist knows to adjust their plans when they get new information. Isn't this kinda important?"

Piandao shook his head. "No."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Iroh stood in the center of the White Lotus camp under a blue sky as his nephew and the Avatar's water bending teacher mounted the flying bison wile the two young warriors and the blind earth bender sat on the back of a giant eel-hound. "Goodbye, everyone. Today, destiny is our friend. <em>I know it<em>…

"…You know, unlike all those other days when destiny felt like maiming and killing our friends."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Moments after a giant paw lifted the young Avatar out from under the waves and held him beneath a clear, blue sky, the monk's eyes widened as he took in the sight of the enormous beast with an entire island on its back. "A lion-turtle…" Aang immediately put his hands together and bowed.<p>

The air bender then lifted his head up. "Maybe you can help me. Everyone, even my own past lives, are expecting me to end someone's life." His body slouched until he lifted his head. "But I don't know if I can do it."

The lion-turtle stared back and the human that it held on its hand. "I think you should work on your manners first."

Aang blinked twice. "What?"

"Look, kid, regardless of what book you read to know that I can understand you, you don't meet someone for the first time ever, realize they're important enough to bow to, and then ask them to solve your problems. I mean, did you ever think of introducing yourself first? A simple 'Hi, I'm Aang. What's your name and how are you?' would work wonders."

The air bender then narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Well, it's not like you're worth any respect or good manners."

The giant beast blinked twice. "What?"

"Look, bucko, regardless of what powers _you_ used to get me onto that jungle on your back, you clearly did it without my knowledge or consent. I don't know why you dragged me onto your back or why you brought me to this mountainous area, but I do know that what you did is called 'kidnapping'! I mean, name one way that what you did is different than drugging someone, throwing them into the back of some vehicle, and then speeding off?"

"Er… I… uh… am… going to help you! Yes, I am going to help you solve your problem how to defeat Ozai without killing him. Also, I'm transporting you to where the Fire lord is going to attack."

"And whatever help you're providing couldn't have been given to me on Ember Island while I was awake and the transportation couldn't have been done after getting my consent, _why_?"

The lion-turtle gritted its teeth. "Well… I… uh… WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?" It lifted another paw and pointed behind the boy.

The monk scowled. "Did you _really_ think I was going to fall for that?"

"Ugh… Worth a shot."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As dark clouds began to cover the sky, the lion-turtle extended its paw and placed the Avatar and his pet lemur on a ledge that sat on the coast of the Earth Kingdom. "Wait for him. He will come."<p>

Aang watched the giant beast begin to submerge itself and quickly shouted, "Hey, wait!"

The colossal animal stopped its descent. "Yes…?"

"Since you're clearly on my side, you have enormous physical strength, and have some amazing powers, why not stay here and help me?"

"Ha!" The lion-turtle stared at the boy. "Kid, if I was going to get my paws dirty with actual work, I'd have done something against the Fire Nation decades ago." It then quickly ducked under the waves, leaving the monk grumbling.

* * *

><p><strong>There's still more to come, folks. Click the button to load the next chapter. Just don't forget to review this chapter first.<strong>


	59. Sozin's Comet: Part 3

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 3 - Into the Insanity  
><strong>

With azure flames forming a blazing curtain in front of the Fire lord's throne, a Dai Lee agent calmly led six of his comrades into the throne room and then knelt in front of the young woman who convinced them to betray the Earth Kingdom. "You sent for us Princess? Is everything alright?"

Azula glared at the earth benders. "Actually, everything is _not_ alright! Do you know how long it took you to get here?"

"A… few minutes, I guess?"

"_Five_, to be precise! In which time, an assassin could've snuck in, done away with me, and been on his merry way!"

"My apologies, Princess."

The crowned-princess scoffed. "Is this how you plan to treat your _new_ Fire lord? With tardiness and disloyalty?"

The lead earth bender lifted his head up. "The Dai Lee would never betray you!"

"And I'm sure that's just what you told Long Feng, just before you turned against him and joined me!" Azula's eyes narrowed. "You're all BANISHED!"

"But-!"

"_Goodbye…_"

The fire bender watched the Dai Lee agent scowling before standing up and leading his fellow earth benders out of the throne room. "Please send in the next group on your way out."

Upon exiting into the hall, the lead agent grumbled. "I can't believe that little piece of…"

Another Dai Lee agent punched his hand into his palm. "Man, what I wish I could do to her…"

A third shook his fist. "We 'oughta just…"

A fourth agent, however, simply shrugged. "Well, there is one bright side to all this."

The lead Dai Lee agent tsked. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Well, on the off chance that both Azula and Ozai are defeated and dethroned by the Avatar and his friends, with us already banished, we'll never be found and punished for our crimes against the Earth Kingdom."

The second Dai Lee agent rubbed his chin. "Hmmm… I guess you're right. We'd be long gone by the time whoever takes over settles things down and reestablishes order. And it's not like finding us would be first on their list."

The third earth bender nodded slowly. "Ok… So if all that happens, we get off scot-free."

The fourth agent smiled. "Yeah. And it's not like, with all our skills, we won't be able to make some kind of modest living out there."

All seven of the Dai Lee nodded and chimed their agreements.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Don't you just love it when everything works out in the end for people who commit high treason against their king and country for the sake of personal gain?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Within the damaged bridge of one of the airships, Sokka grabbed a metal pipe with an amplifier connected to it and lowered it towards his mouth as his girlfriend piloted the aircraft towards the water. The male warrior then cleared his throat and spoke in a deep voice. "Attention, crew, this is your captain speaking. Everyone report to the bomb bay immediately for hotcakes and sweet crème. We have a very special birthday to celebrate!"<p>

Down in the engine room of the ship, where several men wearing gas masks shoveled coal, everyone dropped their equipment and began walking towards the room's exit. However, one of the engineers rushed in front of the others and blocked the doorway. "Wait, guys! We can't go!"

Another engineer raised an eyebrow behind his mask. "Why not?"

"Well, duh! We were just shoveling large amounts of coal into the furnaces for a reason, weren't we? How long do you expect this thing to keep flying if we just stop now?"

A third engineer scratched his head. "Well, I'm not sure of the exact principles of the physics and mechanics of this craft, but I _think_ what we've done so far should allow the ship to… oh, let's just say,… get to the Earth Kingdom's boarders, then suddenly accelerate at high speeds, make a sharp turn, and then rams through into and knock down a bunch of other airships."

The engineer in the doorway blinked twice. "Wow… That much?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then why, in the Spirit World, are there so many of us here shoveling coal when it takes so little to get so much."

The second engineer shrugged. "I dunno. But I'm getting some sweet crème!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Inside the bomb bay of the airship Sokka, Suki, and Toph hijacked, several people in crimson armor or gas masks stood around talking to one another.<p>

One of the elite fire benders in the crowd turned to the engineer beside him. "Hey, I'm Quinn Li, I work up in communications."

"Oh, hi. I work down in the engine room. That's probably why we never met before… Big airship, you know?"

"You know, I was just thinking that as I heard a lot of screaming and shouting coming through the communication pipeline a few minutes ago. It sounded like battle sounds which I, an elite fire bender and therefore an experienced fighter, would easily recognize and be able to hear clearly since, as I stated, I work in communications."

The engineer rubbed his chin. "Aren't you worried that there's a problem?"

Quinn Li scoffed. "Nah. If something does happen, us elite benders'll just shoot large flares up into the sky and alert the other airships. I mean, you'd have to figure, even if it weren't standard protocol to do that, the other ships would at least be very suspicious and investigate."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Next up is one of those scenes where you need to pay attention to the descriptors of the scenery.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Beneath a crimson sky, the Order of the White Lotus stood several hundred yards outside of the wall protecting Ba Sing Se's lower ring. As they stared out at nothing but barren land between themselves and the enormous wall, King Bumi narrowed his eyes as he stood beside Piandao, Pakku, and Jeong-Jeong while Iroh stood in front of them and several dozen other men and women stood behind them.<p>

"Ba Sing Se, the Order of the White Lotus is here."

Pakku glared at the wall. "Here, to set you free."

The Dragon of the West lowered his head and furrowed his brow. "Only once every hundred years can a fire bender experience _this_ kind of power!" He began taking deep breaths and absorbing energy from Sozin's comet. After each breath, a ring of fire formed around him and his four friends. The flames grew higher and higher until the former general threw his arms forward.

The fire around the masters gathered in front of Iroh and formed into a large ball of flames that super heated the air so that a loud screeching could be heard. It then launched straight forward at tremendous speeds. The blazing sphere flew over the empty and dry landscape until it crashed into the wall and exploded a large chunk of it into pieces.

Bumi then bent the earth under the White Lotus's feet and began moving everyone across the lifeless and desecrated fields. The Fire Nation soldiers rocketed large fireballs at the old men, but the earth bender watched the grand lotus easily deflect them. Once they came close to the wall, the king of Omashu launched everyone but Iroh towards and over the enormous barricade.

Once Pakku landed on the wall, he immediately called up a large torrent of water from the outside of the wall and sent it crashing down on top of several Fire Nation soldiers. The waters immediately froze as Piandao came sliding down the now-ice wave and gracefully sliced the soldiers' spears while the men remained completely still.

A few moments later, after the two masters went on to other parts of the city, the soldiers' captain hurried towards them and glared at them. "What is wrong with you? Why didn't you idiots try to stab Piandao?"

One of the soldiers shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Sir! We were just in shock when that wave came out of nowhere!"

"What do you mean 'nowhere'? It came from the river on the other side off… this… wall…" The captain turned his head and stared at the ice. "There's no river on the other side of this wall! It's completely barren!"

The soldier nodded. "Even before we took over the city, if anyone had gotten a glimpse of the outside of the Lower Ring's wall, they wouldn't have seen a single drop of water."

"By the spirits, where did that water come from?"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As Jeong-Jeong's comrades battled throughout Ba Sing Se, the fire bending master flew above the city by using his bending to create propulsion under his feet. Suddenly, several rows of tanks, all lined up down five different streets, aimed their cannons at him. The tanks in one row blasted fire towards the deserter, who created a giant wall of flames that blocked the attacks.<p>

Jeong-Jeong than pushed the barricade of fire down the street, pushing the tanks back with into one large pile.

Then, all the tanks in the next street over attacked the old fire bender, who repeated the technique he used on the tanks in the first street.

A few moments later, the tanks in the next street launched their fire. However, Jeong-Jeong defeated them in the same manner as the other two rows of tanks.

Once the fourth and then the fifth street attacked the deserter, who dealt with all of them in the exact same way, the White Lotus member crossed his arms and smiled a little. "Though it's kind of counter-intuitive that fire would be able to push things like that, I suppose I don't understand this art enough. What pleases me, though, is that all those tanks could see me being fired upon from different angles, since I'm so high up in the air, but waited and attacked me only one row at a time."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Aang stood on one of many tall pillars of stone as he saw an inferno dropped out of the lead Fire Nation airship and torch the forest in front of him. As birds cried out and took to the skies, the nomad patted the squeaking lemur on his shoulder. "Momo, time for you to go."<p>

The Avatar watched his flying white rodent take off from his shoulders as he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Then, with several sweeping motions of his legs, the bald monk launched several large chunks of rock out of the thin plateau underneath him and towards the aircraft. As they flew, he jumped backwards and landed on another pillar.

Up in the blood-red sky, Ozai snapped his head to the side as he spotted several carriage-sized pieces of earth flying through the air. When the rocks struck the propellers on the side of his aircraft, the entire ship began to drift off and descend. A few moments later, the Phoenix King watched a blast of fire being shot from the ground and blow up the side of his airship, causing it to descend.

As the large flying vessel fell, the last air bender glared at Ozai as he stood at the end of a metal platform at the front of the ship. Immediately, the ruler of the Fire Nation discarded his heavy, ostentatious armor and clothes and then used his fire bending to create rockets with his hands and feet, flying him towards the bald child.

Aang spotted the Phoenix king landing on a nearby pillar that stood slightly higher than the one he stood on, however, his eyes widened as he focused on the still-burning up airship crashing into the ground with a loud booming noise and an impact that shook the surrounding land.

The monk immediately gritted his teeth and scratched the back of his head. _Oh, wow… There are probably people on that airship still. I mean, sure the fire benders can probably get rid of the flames, but there's still a lot of wreckage that people're trapped under if they're still alive._ He raised a finger into the air. "Mulligan."

* * *

><p><strong>[[This following scene is my favorite in this satire. Not just for Sozin's Comet. The whole thing.<strong>

** _Toph: That why you did it as the second of a dual-scene?_**

**Yes… I want you all to love this one as much as I do, 'cause I had to work really, _really_ hard to keep it from breaking the fourth wall and that has made it all the more enjoyable for me.]]**

* * *

><p>Aang stood on one of many tall pillars of stone as he saw an inferno dropped out of the lead Fire Nation airship and torch the forest in front of him. As birds cried out and took to the skies, the nomad patted the squeaking lemur on his shoulder. "Momo, time for you to go."<p>

The Avatar watched his flying white rodent take off from his shoulders as he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Then, with several sweeping motions of his legs, the bald monk launched several large chunks of rock out of the thin plateau underneath him and towards the aircraft. As they flew, he jumped backwards and landed on another pillar.

Up in the blood-red sky, Ozai stood on a metal platform of his airship and snapped his head to the side as he spotted several carriage-sized pieces of earth flying through the air. When the rocks struck the propellers on the side of his aircraft, the entire ship began to drift off and descend. A few moments later, the Phoenix King watched a blast of fire being shot from the ground and blow up the side of his airship.

As the large flying vessel fell, the last air bender glared at Ozai as he stood at the end of a metal platform at the front of the ship. Immediately, the ruler of the Fire Nation discarded his heavy, ostentatious, armor and clothes and then used his fire bending to create rockets with his hands and feet, flying him towards the bald child.

When the self-proclaimed ruler of the world landed on a pillar close to and slightly taller than the one the monk stood on, he glared down at the other bender. "Kakkort, you and I would make a good team.

"With Nappa gone, I could use a good man. There's no one in the universe who could touch us. We would rule the planets and you could have anything you wanted. _Anything_! Nothing would be out of your grasp.

"Well? What do you say, Kakkort?"

The nomad stared back at fire bender. "Look, I've got everything I ever wanted right here on Earth. All I need is my family. Besides, I've seen how you treat your partners, there's not a lotta job security!"

The ruler laughed. "Alright then, so be it. You had your chance…"

Ozai threw his fists to the side and prepared himself to let out a loud roar, but suddenly stopped and blinked twice. "WHAT DID WE JUST SAY TO EACH OTHER?"

Aang immediately clutched his head with one hand and stared off into nothing. "I… I don't know…"

"Why did I call you… uh… 'cracker a lot' was it?"

"Something… and for some reason, I thought your name was… 'veggie eat a'?"

"You mean, 'eat a veggie'?"

"No, I mean, 'veggie eat a'!"

The Phoenix King took a deep breath. "Ok, this is weird. Let's take a step back and make sure there's no brain damage and we still know who we are."

The Avatar nodded. "Sounds good. Ok, I'm an extremely gifted martial artist who, although loves using his supernatural prowess, I am gentle and don't like to hurt people or see people hurt."

"Ok, Avatar, so far so good. I am the extremely arrogant and hubristic member of a royal family. A family that has led its people on many, many conquests against other people once we got our hands on sudden advancements in technology."

"Yes, yes, that sounds right, Ozai. Another thing about me is that when I was suddenly and abruptly told that I would have to face you in battle, I was also told I would have one year to prepare for it. Keep in mind that this was daunting for me because I wasn't, comparatively, that good of a fighter and I had to reach an extremely high level to compete against you in that single year."

"I heard something like that, you were in a hurry to train. And though I was able to keep myself up to par, I didn't really do any training that improved me too much. Somethings really just to stretch the legs and all. Plus, my family is born with very superior genes compared to other fire benders. Right from birth, we're already stronger than most people in the Fire Nation and have the potential to become vastly stronger."

"Yeah, you had a whole country to rule so I can see that. Plus, I've heard about how strong the Fire Nation royal family is, so we're still on the right course. Alright, as far as my friends go, I have lots of them and make new friends almost everywhere I go. Some of my friends were even against me at one point or another, but I won them over with my good deeds and kind heart."

Ozai rubbed his chin. "Yes… The prison guards that give reports to me have mentioned that some of the invasion prisoners have said that's how they met you. As for me, I never explicitly say one thing or another about it, but let's just say I can't remember the last time I had anyone over for a cup of tea."

Aang glanced to the side. "Going from the way Zuko talks about you, I'd say that fits. Also, before this battle, I disappeared without a trace from my friends and I guess all they could be able to do is trust the words of some old advisor-like person that I'd show up in time while they frantically ran around to prepare for this battle. I'm also showing up kinda late." He glanced at the burning forest behind him. "Lotta destruction already done and I had to get a power boost from a creature who was very old and wise."

The Phoenix King blinked twice. "I will… take your word for that. Before this fight, I was simply looking to destroy a bunch of the landscape, though I have to admit, a part of me _was_ looking forward to fighting you."

The Avatar shrugged. "I'll take your word for that too. Oh, also, about me is that it was very important for me to learn a certain technique. One that empowers me and turns me into a kind of super-self. Though there is a risk in using it."

"You're referring to the avatar state, no doubt. I've read up on it. Well, another thing about me is that, I really haven't put my powers on display too much. A few months ago, while Azula, my second-in-command, was showing off a copious amount of her primary attribute, the only thing I did was towards the end of that time frame was that I used a devastating attack. That attack only required me to use my first two fingers. Oh and just moments before this little battle we're about to have, I released, a powerful blast of my energy."

Aang gestured out with his arm. "And now, here we are, in a lifeless area that has an over-abundance of tall, stone pillars of non-specific heights. We're about to battle and you're standing on a pillar that's slightly taller than the one I'm on."

"Don't forget that I showed up here by flying in a craft that is extremely advanced and far more sophisticated than anything this world has seen."

"Of course, of course." The nomad let out a long huff. "Well, it's clear neither of us has brain damage."

The self-proclaimed ruler scratched his head. "So then what was that whole thing earlier about?"

Aang rubbed his chin. "There is one theory that might fit."

"Kid, I'm all ears."

"Alright, you know about the spirits that determine our fates, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then suppose that there are other fate-determining spirits, ones for entirely different worlds that we've never even heard of. Now, suppose that each fate-determining spirit can see the works of other such spirits. They are then able to take ideas of these similar entities to create the fates of their own world in a script-like form.

"Maybe… just maybe… the spirits who determine our fates took so many ideas from what another fate-determining spirit created that they forgot to change the very words that Cracker A Lot and Veggie Eat A said to one another in their world."

Ozai let out a loud and hardy laugh. "That's one crazy imagination you have, Avatar. But I doubt it's true."

"You have a better idea?"

"No, but it just doesn't make sense. I mean, I could see two, three, maybe even four things being similar in such a scenario. After all, things just happen in people's lives that are the same. However, for any spirits to steal so much from another in that manner would border on plagiarism. And that would be very wrong."

"I guess. Then shall we get started? Are you ready?"

"Of course." The Phoenix King braced his body as he smiled. "For I have risen beyond the limits of a normal fire bender and into the realm of legends."

* * *

><p><strong>[[Ava-<strong>

**Ava-**

**Rock your Ava-**

**Ava-tar-Z!]]**

* * *

><p>Inside one of the airships that sailed through the crimson sky over the Earth Kingdom coast, a man in black Fire Nation armor piloted the craft and kept it in tight formation. As elite fire benders from his vessel began torching the forest below, he glanced out the side window of the bridge and spotted another airship making peculiar movements. "Captain." He glanced at a woman in black and red armor.<p>

"Yes, pilot?"

"Remember that airship I pointed out to you earlier?"

"You mean the one that was behaving in a way I said could just be attributed to small engine problems and to ignore it, but you said it looked suspicious so we should keep an eye on it, however, I ignored you?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"What about it?"

"It's about to crash into us intentionally." The pilot gestured out the window.

The captain bit her lip. "Hmm… I suppose I or any of the other captains, who are people appointed to an assignment this important, should've been more on the ball about that."

"Quite, mad'am."

They both suddenly felt the force of the airship's impact.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Zuko's crowning moment of awesome.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>As Sozin's Comet turned the sky red, five fire sages stood behind crowned-princess Azula as she dawned a large cloak and knelt on the top stage that over looked an empty terrace in the Palace City of the Fire Nation. The sage in the middle held out the crown of his country as he spoke.<p>

"By decree of Phoenix King Ozai, I now pronounce you-." All the fire sages let out quiet gasps.

Azula immediately spun her head. "What are you waiting for? Do it!" Suddenly, she heard a loud roar of a large beast.

Turning her head back around, the crowned-princess saw the Avatar's sky bison descending towards the empty courtyard with her brother and the Water Tribe girl on the beast's back.

Once the ten-ton creature landed, the scarred prince stood up. "Sorry, but you're not going to become Fire lord today!" He jumped off the flying creature. "I am!"

Azula raised an eyebrow. "Ok, I'm curious. Did you just fly right in here? I mean, did you really see that there was no one in the city and just assume they'd be here to witness something? After all, you'd have had no way to know that so many people were banished nor that I was going to be crowned Fire lord. And after that, did you think you could just sail right in when there'd have to be many, many comet-empowered guards here? And even after that, when you saw that there was only me and the sages here, did you honestly think that it was a good idea to not make any battle cry? Make a large blast of fire to draw attention? Do _something_ instead of relying on the sages to stop on their own when you heard the one behind me making the announcement and knew that if he finished his sentence then that would be that?"

The crowned-princess glared at her brother. "Well, Zuko? Did you really do all of that?"

Zuko stared at his sister, smiled a wide, sly smile, and then nodded. "Yes. Yes I did."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Azula discarded her cloak as she turned around and faced her brother as the two of them stood alone in an agni kai arena. "I'm sorry it has to end this way, <em>brother<em>!"

Zuko raised his hands and entered a fighting stance. He began to reply, but stopped suddenly and turned his head left and right.

"Uh… Hello? Earth to Zuzu! What are you looking for?"

"Katara and Appa."

"Hmph! Your concern for them will be your downfall."

"No, more like my curiosity. I mean, I can understand why they aren't here right now and can actually be ok with the fact that Appa might never show up. After all, with the large fire blasts you and I should be able to create with ease, it's much preferable to be small and agile rather than big and bulky, even if one has the ability to fly."

"Ok… So what are you curious about?"

"Where did they go? Where would they be safe? I'm sure Katara's going to show up to make sure I'm alright if the fighting goes on for too long. But, even if you gave the fire sages, who are all benders, and whoever else is still in the Palace City explicit orders not to harm either of them, where would she be ok with keeping Appa safe until the fight was over?"

Azula smircked. "Probably at doomedbrothersays'what.'"

"What?"

The crown-princess shot a blast of blue fire.

"Oh, you wench!" Zuko created a wave of orange flames.

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Suddenly, in the midst of the battle for Ba Sing Se; Sokka, Toph, and Suki trying to take down the airships; Zuko trading blows with Azula; and Aang fighting Ozai, a gigantic green centipede burst out of the ground and started laughing. "I, Koh the Face Stealer, am now going to do something! I am going to because, at a very critical moment in the Avatar's adventure, I ominously told him that he and I would meet again! Thus, it would be totally lame and stupid if I did not act right now at the conclusion of said adventure! Especially because some little side story that someone would have made up totally would not count!"<p>

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Ozai flew among the stone pillars by using his bending to create rockets from his feet as he blasted the Avatar with a large ball of fire. He watched the young boy block the brunt of the force of the flames by dispersing them. But still, the energy in the blaze knocked the monk into the side of one of the pillars, where he slid down to a winding ledge.<p>

Aang saw the Phoenix King flying towards him and he quickly pressed himself against the side of the thin plateau. When the ruler of the Fire Nation landed, the nomad created solid-rock armor around himself and braced his body as his foe unleashed a torrent of flames at him. With his vibration sense, he saw Ozai begin to swing a large column of fire at him, but before the fire bender could strike, the bald monk launched himself out of his armor and into the air.

As the tattooed youth jumped, he took in a huge breath and then shot it out at his foe in the form of a small cyclone.

The Phoenix King rocketed himself out of the way of his foe's attack and spun his arms in front of him as he charged lightning. A moment later, he landed against the side of a pillar and launched the electric attack.

Immediately, the Avatar launched himself again into the air, creating a small tornado around himself to evade the attack. He saw the fire bender charging up another lightning and kept the air spiraling around him as he avoided the second lightning strike.

The monk then landed on the top of a pillar and pulled the peak upwards. However, a third blast of Ozai's lightning exploded against the side of the rock and it fell from the boy's control.

Once more, the Phoenix King blasted lightning at the Avatar and once more, the air bender evaded the attack.

However, the fifth time Ozai shot large bolts of lightning at his young foe, the boy landed on the top of one of the stone pillars, extended his arm, and caught the giant bolt of electricity. As the lightning flew threw the boy's stomach and into his other arm, which pointed at the Phoenix King, a thought flew through the fire bender's mind. _Oh yeah… Zuko could fire my lightning back at me and he was teaching the Avatar... Man, talk about brain-farts._

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Within the agni kai stadium of the Palace City, Zuko and his sister exchanged one enormous blast of fire after another as Sozin's Comet reddened the sky above. The prince watched his sister create azure rockets with her feet and speed towards him as she sent out giant fireballs.<p>

Using his own fire, the scarred teen evaded, blocked, and countered each large attack with one of his own as the crowned-princess circled him and continued her assault. He then dropped himself to the ground and spun his body, kicking his legs out in a circle and letting loose an orange blaze with them.

The wheel of Zuko's flames struck the crowned-princess as she rocketed across the ground and it also caused her own fire to disperse. The prince then jumped to his feet in time to see the other fire bender skidding and rolling across the arena's stone floor. When he saw her stop rolling and push herself to her feet some twenty yards away from him, he noticed her snarling and breathing heavily. "No lightning today?"

The scarred bender began to gesture out his arms. "What's wrong, afraid I'll redirect it?"

The crowned-princess glared at her brother. "Oh… _I'll show you lightning_!"

Zuko braced and calmed his body as his sister swung her arms and charged up her electric attack. However, the moment the other fire bender finish charging, he noticed her glancing to his right and wearing a sly smile.

In the next instant, Azula fired a bolt of blue lightning at the water bender twenty yards behind her brother.

The scarred prince quickly darted his eyes to see what the crowned-princess aimed at. When he spotted Katara behind him, he merely shrugged and remained standing exactly where he stood. Zuko then blasted a huge ball of fire at his sister, who stood stuck in the pose to launch lightning.

Zuko smirked the moment his flames struck the crowned-princess, but his eyes widened and his face turned pale when he heard the Water Tribe girl scream. With his sister now knocked unconscious, the prince spun himself around and gasped as he saw Katara writhing on the ground. Hurrying over to her, the scarred teen saw a mutilated black and red scar in the center of her chest. "By the spirits! Katara, what happened?"

The water bender coughed and spasmed. "The… lightning… It hit me..."

"She got you?" The male fire bender raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"Because… I thought you would… block it…"

"Block it? That's ridiculous! I mean, yeah, I could have, but anyone who's seen us in action knows that your reflexes and agility are just as good as mine, if not better!"

The Water Tribe girl felt a jolt of pain. "S… so…?"

"'So'?" Zuko gestured with his arms. "_So_ I figured that, if I had time to jump in front of Azula's attack and you, being at least as quick as me, were twice as far from her as I was, there shouldn't have been a reason to at all!"

"I… I don't… understand…"

The prince began to grind his teeth. "'Don't understand?' Katara, don't you realize you could have avoided it? You know, jumped to the side? Ducked and covered? Evaded? Sidestepped? _Slid out of its path_?"

"Zuko,… what are you saying…"

The scarred boy clutched his head as he glared at the water bender. "What I'm saying is…

"Why…!

"_Didn't_…!

"YOU…!"

The prince then dropped his arms to his sides and let out a long, calm exhale. "… just move out of the way? It's not that hard."

* * *

><p><strong>[[I'm not breaking the fourth wall for a shout-out  reference.**

**_Toph: No references at all? None? Really?_**

**Nope. None.**

**_Toph: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: What SHOULD have Happened in What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender._]]**

* * *

><p>In the middle of the water in a large bay on the coast of the Earth Kingdom, Aang used his bending to stand as he looked up. When he saw the Phoenix King rocketing over the water and towards him, a thought ran through the boy's head. <em>Ok, I'm weakened, he's coming after me, and I've got all this water surrounding both of us. My choices are to either use this tremendous amount of water to attack that fire bender with or use it to run away. I should remember that running away has not worked at all during this fight and that the times I did attack, I had a good measure of success.<em>

The air bender spun his body around and waved his arms, bending the water to propel him away from his foe and towards the shore.

* * *

><p><strong>More laughs are still to come in Part 4. Review this chapter and then load the next one.<strong>


	60. Sozin's Comet: Part 4

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 4 - Avatarded Aang-ccomplisments  
><strong>

High in the skies above the coast of the Earth Kingdom, Sokka grabbed the blind earth bender's arm and pulled her across the top of an airship as they ran away from an imperial fire bender's large attack of scorching flames. With the blaze coming closer, the Water Tribe boy leapt off the side of the large balloon and pulled his small friend with him. The two children let out loud screams as the warrior pulled out his meteorite sword and jammed it into the side of the flying craft, slowing their descent. However, when the balloon curved downward, the black blade slipped out and the two fell straight towards a narrow metal platform.

The Water Tribe boy landed flat on the platform with his sword in front of him while the young girl slipped over the ledge. However, Sokka's grip on her wrist held his earth bending friend as she dangled over the continent below. "AHHHHH!" He felt a break in his lower limb. "MY LEG!" With his back pressed against the metal platform and his arm hang over a gap in the steel, he turned his head as much as he could towards his friend. "Hang on, Toph!"

The blind girl looked up at him and whimpered, "Aye, aye, captain."

A moment later, the young warrior saw two crimson-armored fire benders running to the end of parallel platforms. Both benders dropped into a fighting stance as the Water Tribe boy quickly grabbed his boomerang. Sokka whipped his curved weapon at one of the armored soldiers as the man launched flames from his hand. The boy's weapon struck and the impact caused the flames to redirect and knock the fire bender off his platform.

The Water Tribe warrior then kicked his sword and to his free hand and threw it towards the second Fire Nation soldier. The black blade missed the soldier, but cut clean through the narrow platform and caused the elite bender to drop.

As Sokka's weapons flew away, he looked out at the meteorite weapon. "Bye,… space sword…" In the next second, seven more imperial fire benders lined up at the far end of the platform attached to the airship and dropped into fighting stances.

The warrior felt the blind girl's hand slipping and retightened his grip as he turned his head towards her. "I don't think boomerang is coming back, Toph! It looks like this is the end!" He saw tears form in her sightless eyes.

Suddenly, all of the imperial fire benders gasped and ran away from the two children. The Water Tribe boy glanced up and turned his head to see one of the many airships flying at them at incredible speeds.

The second flying craft's head struck entire lower portion of the ship that Sokka and Toph hung from, causing them to fall and land on the top of the new airship's balloon.

The blind girl jumped to her feet as the warrior clutched his leg and screamed. "How did that happen? Did boomerang come back?"

Sokka glanced up. "No…!" He smiled when he saw his girlfriend calmly holding a rope that lay attached to the ship's rudder. "Suki did!"

Toph raised an eyebrow. "That's… odd. It's great." She helped the Water Tribe boy to his feet. "But odd."

"What do you mean?"

The earth bender slowly took her friend towards the rudder. "Well, I mean, how did Suki fight off dozens of super-powered fire benders, really buff engineers, and clear the entire bridge of the ship, at least enough, to allow her to pilot it. And why and how is she steering it from the back at the rudder? And, finally, if she knew she could steer from the rudder; and I'm guessing it's past knowledge, 'cause she's doing it very well and acting very calm, how come she didn't tell us we could do it that way before?"

The Kyoshi warrior smiled from ear to ear as she saw her boyfriend and friend approach. "Hey, guys! You'll never believe it! I just found out I'm a blimp bender!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Question for all of you: Did you feel cheated with the way Aang got into the avatar state? Did you feel like it was a dues ex machina? Did you feel that it cheated you out of a good, climactic ending to one of your favorite show?<strong>

**You're about to feel that 758 times over.]]**

* * *

><p>Phoenix King Ozai rocketed towards the young Avatar as he saw the boy hurry out of the large bay and onto the shore at the border of a forest. When he closed in on the tattooed youth, the air bender quickly ripped a ring of stone out of the ground. He watched the nomad form a ball of earth around himself and seal it tight in front of rows of trees.<p>

As Aang cowered inside the sphere of rock in front of a forest, he heard the fire bender laughing.

"Hahaha! You're weak! Just like the rest of your people! They did not deserve to exist in this world! In _my_ world! Prepare to join them! Prepare to DIE!"

The Phoenix King slammed both of his hands into the rock and released an enormous blaze. However, the rocks held and the fire bender jumped back. He then smiled and charged forward, unleashing a large blast of flames. Still, the earth shield continued to cover the avatar.

When the fires dispersed, Ozai launched two more streams of burning energy. "Come on out, Avatar!" He began to fire a continuous stream of flames. "You can't hide in there forever!" But the tattooed boy's shield held.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world launched two more balls of fire and then shot two at once that hit the rock sphere from opposite sides. The two flames pushed the Avatar and his stone shield off the ground. A fifth stream of burning energy caught the earth orb as it hovered in the air. The force of the last blast sent the monk and his shield flying back and into a pillar.

Inside the rock ball, Aang continued to cower and cover his head as his foe rocketed towards him and shoot three more fire blasts and his shield. A second later, he felt the heat and saw the glow of another large, continues stream of flames.

With his torrent of fires still being blocked by the rocks, the Phoenix King jumped back and concentrated a large amount of fire in one spot in his palm. The burning energy super-heated the air around it until it created a screeching noise. Ozai kept the compacted inferno in his hand as he ran forward, jumped towards the Avatar, and unleashed the scorching energy in one huge blast.

Ozai then watched as his attack tore apart the monk's shield and, with the rocks gone, the nomad desperately pushed air against the flames. However, the air barely held anything back as the force of the blast threw the boy into the pillar behind him and left him buried in a pile of loose rocks in the indentation in the stone column.

The Phoenix King then raised an eyebrow and stepped forward. "Wait a second…" He lowered his head towards the crumbled mess of stone. "Hey, Avatar, if you're still alive, did you notice-?" Suddenly, the monk's arm, covered with a glowing tattoo, shot out of the pile and grabbed Ozai's beard.

The fire bender tensed when he saw the glowing eyes of his opponent stare at him from inside the pile of rocks. A moment later, the boy shot out of the mess of stones and glared at him while his tattoos glowed with his eyes. "Whoa! Hang on a moment! I-!"

Aang quickly let go of the Phoenix King, whipped his arms around and released an enormous air blast that flung the fire bender away, caused him to skid across the ground, and not stop until he crashed into the base of a narrow plateau.

Ozai let out a loud gasp as he slowly fell to the ground. Dust surrounded him until a sudden giant wind storm blew it away. Looking up at the air's source, he saw the last of the nomads surrounded by circling winds and staring back down at him with glowing eyes. "Avatar! You need to know-!"

The bald child let out an enormous roar as giant waves of flames erupted from his hands, feet, and mouth. They continued to shoot into the air until they condensed into a ring around the sphere of wind.

"Boy! Listen to me-!" The fire bender covered his eyes from the winds as large chunks of earth became pulled into the air where they condensed all their mass into stones no larger than fists and then began circling the tattooed youth's body. Then, several tons of water became pulled out of the ocean and towards the Avatar. The waves slipped past the fire, air, and earth where they all compacted themselves into a small ring that spun around the Avatar.

In the next second, Aang launched himself at his foe. However, mere moments before he struck, the Phoenix King pointed behind the monk and shouted.

"ONE MINUTE AGO, THE PILLAR YOU CRASHED INTO WASN'T THERE! WHAT HAPPENED?"

The monk screeched to a halt and blinked twice. "What?"

**[_Toph: Tell me you're joking._**

**Last scene of Into the Inferno. Watch it.]**

Ozai pointed at the narrow plateau that he pinned the Avatar against thirty seconds ago. "When you pulled yourself out of that water and made that stone-ball, you were in front of a forest! An entire row of trees was directly behind you! Now, it's gone and replaced by a column of rocks!"

Aang slowly turned his glowing head around. "Are… Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"Well… maybe you didn't see the pillar at first?"

The Phoenix King scoffed. "First of all, I got a complete view of the forest and I know there wasn't any pillar there. Second, even if you're right, where did the trees go? And third, where did the bay go? I mean, you very clearly remember getting knocked into the water, right?"

"Yes."

"Where did _that _go?"

The bender of all the elements tilted his vision down and dropped his jaw when he saw nothing but solid ground where an enormous inlet of water lay minutes ago. "H… How did all this happen? Did I bend it in a panic without realizing it?"

"Are you nuts, kid? Maybe with this avatar state you could do that, but you were just stuck in that little ball. Plus, if you didn't have the strength to block my attacks, there's no way you could have pulled up a multi-story pillar, drain an entire bay while raising the floor of it, and, even if you did, where did the forest go?"

Aang scratched his head. "Did you move me?"

"No! First of all, why would I've wasted the strength? Second, see that ring-shaped ditch in the ground back there?"

The fully-realized Avatar narrowed his eyes and focused on the outline of a circle in the earth. "I see it."

"You made that when you created that rock-shield. You pulled the rocks right up from the ground. You didn't do that anywhere else."

"There's the possibility that we both have a small memory loss from the adrenaline and excitement. Maybe you destroyed my shield, I ran, then created a new one."

Ozai crossed his arms and glared at the bald master of all elements as the boy gritted his teeth. "Just for the sake of humoring you, it took a super-charged ball of fire that I saw nearly vaporize you. How would you have the strength to endure a second one? And why would I have wasted my time with so many smaller blasts when I knew I only had one attack that could break the shield?"

With all four elements still spiraling around his body, the boy with glowing tattoos scratched his head. "Then I guess the only conclusion is that the spirits that determine our fates didn't like-."

"Oh, screw the fate-determining spirits! I don't care in what ridicules way you suddenly got this power boost of yours, since I'm not sure of all the physics of this world and certainly not ones involving the avatar state, but I do know that an entire landscape doesn't change at the drop of a hat!"

The Phoenix King then created rockets with his feet and began to fly away. "Screw this. I'm leaving."

* * *

><p><strong>[[That last scene I shall name 'I Can't Believe It's Worse than I Thought.' This next one shall be called 'Katara's List of Good Things.' Enjoy.]]<strong>

* * *

><p>The Water Tribe girl ran across the agni kai arena as the prince of the Fire Nation lay flat on his stomach and struggled to move. The instant Katara covered her hand in water, a stream a blue flames blocked her path. She covered her face and then dashed away as Azula leapt through the air and laughed manically before blasting a lightning bolt. The water bender avoiding the electricity and continued running as another lightning bolt struck and exploded the ground just behind her.<p>

The force of the explosion sent Katara diving forward. She quickly rolled across the ground and got herself back to her feet in time to see the crowned-princess rocket herself up onto one of the small roofs that covered the stands of the arena.

Looking down on the girl from the South Pole, Azula smiled maliciously as she began to swing her arms wildly and charge lightning. "I'd really rather our family physician look after little Zuzu, if you don't mind!" She then launched a bolt of blue electricity at the water bender, but her foe pulled water out of a large basin to block the lightning.

With her water now turned to steam, Katara hurried towards a thin stone column that supported another small roof. As she dashed across the arena, she heard two more blasts of flames coming from the enemy fire bender. The first struck the ground behind her as she ran and as she threw herself behind the column, the second attack hit the exact spot where she hid, but on the other side of the stone support.

As only a fraction of the azure blaze made it around the post, a thought entered the water bender's mind. _Sure is a good thing she's only shooting small fireballs at me and not any of those tremendous blasts of fire she was so easily and effortlessly shooting at Zuko._

Katara then stood up and snuck her head out as Azula began shouting at her brother.

"Zuzu,…! You don't look so good!" The female fire bender then spun towards her brother's friend and shot a lightning bolt at her.

As Katara hurried away from the column just before the electricity struck it and blew it up. _Wow! Good thing she held off on doing that until I could see what she was doing. 'Course, that 'coulda just been a brain-lapse from her going insane, but still. Good thing._

The Water Tribe girl then darted to the rear of another stone support, pulled water from another large basin, and whipped it at where she thought Azula stood. However, when the water all fell, Katara saw no trace of the crowned-princess. As she turned her head left and right, she suddenly heard the sound of rockets created from fire bending coming from behind her.

The water bender spun her head around, spotted her foe flying at her, and ran as fast as she could back into the arena. She immediately pulled tons of water out of the basin and splashed it against the stadium floor. Katara then jumped onto the wave that formed and surfed on it as well as guiding it into twists and turns while freezing it. Her movements and tactics allowed her dodge a blue ball of fire.

_Good thing she's still not using the big blasts of fire._

A moment later, Azula landed on the ground and kicked her leg out as she rolled, creating an enormous stream of azure blaze from her foot as she swung it down.

Katara hastily surfed out of the way and back under another roof where she ran out of water and fell onto her stomach and on top of a grate. _Ok, she's started using the big fireballs again. Well, good thing she waited until I had a chance to dodge instead of when I was stuck in an inescapable spot._

Azula's foe then looked through the grate and saw a small water channel flowing just beneath it. _Wow, you know, I can understand the water basins in a fire bending arena for safety, but I don't understand why there's a waterway under a grate that's supposed to be where audience members are to stand. I mean, what Zuko said about his agni kai with his father, there were people everywhere. Oh well, it's a really good thing it's here._

Katara then lifted her head up and saw a two-foot long chain having over the stand of a torch that lay connected to a stone column. She quickly jumped to her feet and grabbed it. _Really__ good thing this chain was randomly placed here, since it's not connected to anything and I don't see any chains on any of the other support beams._

The instant the water bender's hands grabbed the rope of linked metal, she heard her scarred friend's sister shouting from just yards away.

"There you are, filthy peasant!" Azula pushed herself away from a stone post and walked under the roof, towards the other girl.

The Water Tribe girl narrowed her eyes. _Good thing that, out of all the random and insane thoughts going through her head, the one she picked to listen to was 'slowly move towards your target' and not any that said 'shoot her with fire or lightning like you've been enjoying doing and been using at every other moment in this fight as well as at every opportunity you've had in this fight up 'til now.'_

As soon as the crowned-princess stepped on the grate, her foe whipped four tendrils of water from her own pouches at Zuko's sister. Azula quickly rolled away from the attack and towards her foe. A moment later, she pushed herself to her feet and grinned as she pushed two fingers towards the other girl's face. But before she could bend, her foe threw her arms into the air, causing the liquid underneath to erupt through the grate and then freeze, trapping them both inside a large crystal of ice.

Katara looked past the female fire bender's fingers and watched the other girl's eyes move left and right as both of their bodies lay frozen stiff. As the water bender slowly exhaled, liquefying the ice immediately around her, she wrapped the chain around her foe's wrist and thought, _Good thing that with all the shock and panic, the survival instinct of 'heat up ice' fire benders should have hasn't entered her head. I mean, Zuko told us that's what he did back at the North Pole when he was going through that secret passageway into the city. Should be entirely possible for his sister to do it._

The Water Tribe girl continued to move through the ice and around the other girl's back. Using her bending, she melted what lay immediately around her as well as what lay around the crowned-princess's chained arm. She then wrapped up her enemy's other wrist and pulled Azula's bound-up arms downward until she tied the rope of linked metal to the grate.

The second Katara tightened the chain, she swung her hands down and turned all the ice back to liquid. All the water fell back into the channel as the girls coughed and gasped for air. The water bender quickly tightened the binding on her enemy's wrists and, as her foe squirmed, she thought, _Good thing the thought of shooting fire backwards at me through her hands or feet hasn't randomly popped into her head._

The girl from the South Pole then hurried over to where Zuko lay squirming on the ground. When she made it to over to the prince, she gently rolled him onto his back and bent water around her hands. As soon as the liquid surrounded the end of her arms, she placed her palms over the large, red burn mark on the boy's chest and began healing it. The water bender sealed her eyes tight when she felt him cringe, but opened them and smiled when she felt him relax.

Zuko stared up at his friend with soft eyes. "Thank you, Katara."

Tears began to fall from the eyes of the Water Tribe girl. "I think I'm the one who should be thanking you." _Plus, it's a good thing I can heal a lightning wound without the water from the Spirit Oasis. Guess I kinda owe Aang an apology for making him worried that he could die from lightning._

Katara then helped the traitor prince to his feet as his sister began to writhe and scream. Both of the Avatar's teachers watched the crowned-princess as she let out loud cries and spewed azure flames out of her mouth and in all directions. A second later, the two benders watched Ozai's daughter keel over and start crying.

As her foe wept, Katara gritted her teeth. _I gotta say, it's a good thing that her insane and completely random thoughts never included ones that said either 'Kick your legs forward and shoot fire at them' nor 'Shoot a strong blast of fire out of your hands that will destroy the metal and stone behind you like some of the ones Zuko shot at Aang under Ba Sing Se and that you should be able to with the power of the comet.' I mean, sure it could destroy her in the process, but she's insane right now._

Standing beside the Water Tribe girl, Zuko lowered his head. "We have a lot to be thankful for, Katara. We got awfully lucky that she was off her edge."

The water bender tsked. "Luck? Please! I don't know about you, but me beating her was all skill!"

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>Beneath a crimson sky and surrounded by a spiral of air and rings made up of the other elements, Aang chased down the Phoenix King as the self-proclaimed ruler of the world sped between and around countless stone pillars. With a simple motion of his tattooed arms, the fully-realized Avatar bent two of the narrow plateaus together in front of his opponent's path.<p>

Ozai threw his hands in front of his face as he quickly rocketed himself out of the blocked flight path. However, mere moments later, a sudden torrent of water struck him from the side and knocked him out of the air. The ruler of the Fire Nation landed on the ground and then pushed himself to his feet as he supported himself by leaning against a pillar. While the fire bender rested and his soaked hair draped over his face, he heard a loud crash and looked up to see his young foe easily bursting through the top of the narrow plateau behind him.

The bender of all elements aimed himself down at the Phoenix King and sped at the fire bender. The ruler of the Fire Nation staggered back and launched a large ball of fire out of his fist at the boy with glowing tattoos. However, the spiraling shield around the most powerful air bender in centuries easily absorbed and deflected all of the flames. Avatar Aang continued to charge at his foe, but his opponent rocketed out of the way and he plowed into the earth.

As the bald guardian of balance effortlessly rose from the ground, he thought, _Man, I'm sure glad there's no more suspense or anything for me in this fight. I mean, I'd hate to be someone who'd been watching my adventures since I was unfrozen and sees that this final part of what is surely my last great fight is nothing but me smacking around my opponent with clearly no risk to me left._

* * *

><p><strong>[[It might have just been me, but did anyone else watch the first thirty seconds of fully-realized Avatar Aang's fight with Ozai and think, "Wow. I don't have to worry about Aang losing anymore"?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>With sky covered in crimson, Avatar Aang continued to chase the Phoenix King as the ruler of the Fire Nation darted around large stone pillars while the bender of all the elements effortlessly drove himself through them. The boy with glowing tattoos saw his adversary turn and glance at him before gasping and putting more energy into the rockets from his feet.<p>

However, the most powerful air bender in centuries waved his arm and sent air, fire, and water at his foe's leg. The winds and the flame snuffed out the rockets from underneath Ozai and the long tendril of liquid wrapped around the Phoenix King's body. Avatar Aang then spun his foe around in the sky before whipping him, flat on his back, onto the top of a narrow plateau.

With the spiral and rings of the elements circling around the monk, he floated several feet above the ruler of the Fire Nation. Holding out his arms and then closing them into fists, he bent clumps of stone out of the pillar that trapped the Phoenix King's hands and feet. His adversary then stared up at him with a clenched jaw and widened eyes. "Fire Lord Ozai! You and your forefathers have devastated the balance of this world! And now, _you shall pay the ultimate price_!"

Ozai cringed as his foe raised a hand, causing the elements around his body to spiral upward, forming a drill. When the fully-realized Avatar made a chopping motion, the Phoenix King quickly turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. However, a moment later, only a bucket's worth of water splashed on his face as pebbles gently fell around him.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world looked up and watched as the most powerful air bender in centuries slowly relaxed his body and lowered himself down onto the plateau Ozai lay stuck to. He saw the child's tattoos lose their glow as the stone mounds around his hands and feet crumbled. The ruler of the Fire Nation groaned and clutched his face as the spiral of air vanished from around the fully-realized Avatar.

The master of all elements turned away from his foe. "No. I'm not going to end it like this."

Ozai raised his head. "You know, I understand that you aren't willing to kill me because of the beliefs of your people. But why did you release my hands and feet from those mounds of rock instead of sinking me into the stone and trapping me there while leaving my head free? I only ask because, from the beginning of this fight, I had this sense that you were looking for a non-lethal way to stop me. That seemed like a way to do it since, if I could blast myself free, I would have broken out of those small mounds. Plus, with all the power you have, you could've easily taken the entire pillar somewhere far away where no one would be able to find me and free me, but you could still provide me with food and water."

Avatar Aang raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't you just free yourself later after some rest?"

"Hardly. It took that super-charged fireball to break your little rock shield a few minutes ago. Even with the comet, I haven't been able to destroy any stones with just fire and, without the ability to move my arms, I can't make lightning."

The most powerful air bender in centuries gritted his teeth. "Wow. Guess I kinda dropped the ball just now."

* * *

><p><strong>[[ 7 <strong>

**Now, let's pick that scene up again somewhere towards the end to see how else it could've gone.**

_**Toph: Is this the scene that talks about-?**_

**Yup. This is the one.**

**_Toph: Awesome!_]]**

* * *

><p>With the spiral and rings of the elements circling around the monk, he floated several feet above the ruler of the Fire Nation. Holding out his arms and then closing them into fists, he bent clumps of stone out of the pillar that trapped the Phoenix King's hands and feet. His adversary then stared up at him with a clenched jaw and widened eyes. "Fire Lord Ozai! You and your forefathers have devastated the balance of this world! And now, <em>you shall pay the ultimate price<em>!"

Ozai cringed as his foe raised a hand, causing the elements around his body to spiral upward, forming a drill. When the fully-realized Avatar made a chopping motion, the Phoenix King quickly turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. However, a moment later, only a bucket's worth of water splashed on his face as pebbles gently fell around him.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world looked up and watched as the most powerful air bender in centuries slowly relaxed his body and lowered himself down onto the plateau Ozai lay stuck to. He saw the child's tattoos lose their glow as the stone mounds around his hands and feet crumbled. The ruler of the Fire Nation groaned and clutched his face as the spiral of air vanished from around the fully-realized Avatar.

The master of all elements turned away from his foe. "No. I'm not going to end it like this."

Ozai brought himself to his hand and knees before raising his head and glaring at the fully realized Avatar. "Even with all the power in the world, you're still _weak_!" He then shot himself forward with a clenched fist.

Through his feet, Avatar Aang felt the Phoenix King's charge and quickly threw his leg back, bending up a triangular wall of stone that caught his attacker's wrist as fire exploded out of it.

The master of all elements then dashed around to the opposite side of his foe as the Phoenix King swung a fire ball towards him. However, the most powerful air bender in centuries quickly raised another triangular wall that caught Ozai's other wrist. He then sunk the walls, pulling the former Fire Lord down to his knees as he moved in front of the fire bender.

Ozai spewed a blast of flame out of his mouth, but his foe used a torrent of air to block it and push the fire back at the Phoenix King.

A second later the boy's tattoos and eyes began to glow as the master of all the elements created tight, form-fitting stone gauntlets around each of his fists. Suddenly, thin but highly concentrated flames formed on the tips of the first joint on his fingers and Avatar Aang saw the ruler's eyes widen as he began to move the blood inside the Phoenix King's body into specific points.

Then, with bursts of air behind each arm, the master of all elements slammed the burning stone fists into every point that he'd pushed Ozai's blood to. However, only the first joint of the fingers made hard contact. One blow after another struck the fire bender's body and Avatar Aang could feel his foe's body going limp. After one last glancing, but strong, strike to the side of the Phoenix King's head, the most powerful air bender in centuries released the ruler's wrists and let him collapse to the ground, covered in small burn scars.

Ozai strained to push his upper body off the ground as the fully-realized Avatar's tattoos ceased glowing and the gauntlets crumbled while the flames dispersed. The fire bender strained and used his whole body to throw a weak punch, which no flames shot out of.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world then fell onto his back. "What… what did you do to me?"

Avatar Aang stared down at the man he just battled. "I took away your fire bending by using the style Ty Lee uses to block chi paths. However, I strengthened the impacts with the density of stone and the speed created by wind. I also bent your blood into certain places and burned it solid as well as permanently scarring the tissue around each chi path, thus ensuring this can't ever be healed or undone. Which means you can't use your bending to hurt or threaten anyone else ever again."

The fire bender looked up at the most powerful air bender in centuries. "That… is _amazing_!" He then formed a light smile. "I must say, I'm actually proud that my defeat required such an astounding combination of skill, power, resourcefulness, and creativity."

Avatar Aang smiled back. "Thank you. And yes, it was thanks to a lion-turtle I met just before this battle. He imparted on me the knowledge of how to use the fighting techniques Ty Lee used, which had been created long before our time."

Ozai weakly nodded. "Of course. I don't see how the pressure points of the entire human chi network could be mapped and a fighting style for attacking them could be made in anything but several dozen lifetimes with people using trial and error and recording their findings."

"Yes. And with that knowledge, I also learned why it was only temporary, so I came up with ways that could make it permanent. One of them being from my friend Katara, who informed me about blood bending, which allowed me to intensify the damage and disrupt normal blood flow. The other being from your son, who's scar revealed that intense burn wounds can't be fully healed."

"Hold on a minute, Avatar. I heard that your water bending friend told my son that water from the Spirit Oasis could heal scars."

The most powerful air bender in centuries shook his head. "Actually, no, it can't. At least, not if the damage is bad enough, which is where the stone gauntlets and acceleration from air come in. You see, your daughter shot me with lightning and sealed my 7th chakra gate back in Ba Sing Se. Even though the spirit water was used on me and I didn't die, the scar didn't heal at all. My chakra gate didn't open up either."

"Wait, your scar didn't heal in the slightest bit?"

The guardian of balance turned around and pointed at the cluster of burnt skin on his back. "See for yourself."

Ozai let out a small whistle and then dropped his head back. "So it seems. Well done, child. Well done."

"Thanks." Avatar Aang turned back around. "I too am really glad with how this battle ended. It's much better than if I took your bending away some other way, like bending your spirit or something."

The Phoenix King jerked his head up. "Did you say 'bending my spirit'?"

"Yeah."

The former fire bender raised an eyebrow. "What part of your rear end did you pull that out of? I have never heard anything about bending a spirit nor any clues or signs that it's possible."

The master of all elements chuckled as his lemur flew into view and then landed on his shoulder. "I know, stupid, right? The thought popped into my head just now. Didn't think too much about. Just spewed it out."

"Well, no offense to the kid who just defeated me and now left me powerless, but that's a _really_ stupid thought."

"Indeed it is." Avatar Aang looked out onto the horizon, caused his tattoos to glow, and lifted the ocean to put out the fires, which raged across the coast line. He then lowered the waves back into the sea. "Especially because of how this ending will play out in history. Whenever people read of my tale, they'll see that you can have things the way you want them to be as long as you train hard, think creatively, pay attention to what others have done, ask for help when you aren't sure of what to do, and combine all of it with something only you can do because of what makes you special."

"Thatcertainly is a very good moral. But would it really have to be because of something only they can do?"

The master of the elements shrugged. "I suppose not. But it makes for a more dramatic telling. Either way, it's leagues above a moral that would sound something like: 'If you're in a bad situation, run away until someone just gives you the answer you want.'"

* * *

><p><strong>[[And…<strong>

**8 **

_**Toph: And… brilliant. Was that the last one? The last number count, I mean?**_

**Yes it was, my blind friend. Sure, there may have been other ways to beat Ozai without killing him: viruses, blunt objects creating brain damage, crippling psychological torture, etc. But I felt that these 8 were the ones that could be done quickly, simply, and with the least risk of killing Ozai.]]**

* * *

><p>As Sozin's Comet passed through sky above the fully-realized Avatar, his lemur, Toph, Sokka, and Suki, the horizon returned to normal and stars twinkled in the night sky.<p>

When Avatar Aang noticed the power of his fire bending drop enormously, he raised an eyebrow and glanced at the sky. "Wait a minute, _that was it_? The comet was barely here for 12 hours."

Leaning on his girlfriend, the male warrior scratched his head. "Yeah, how was the Fire Nation going to torch the entire Earth Kingdom and kill everyone in such a short time?"

Collapsed, face-down on the ground and with drool dripping from his mouth, Ozai began to struggle. "Ughba… t ar… ergt… about...?"

Suki raised an eyebrow. "What'd he just say?"

Toph leaned down and put a hand on the ground. "I don't know… And I can't tell for sure because of Twinkle Toes's spirit bending, but I think Mr. Phoenix King-of-getting-his-butt-whooped is… confused?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[Dun… Dun… DUNNNNNNNN]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Inside the Fire Nation Palace City, underneath a bright blue sky and among a crowd of peoples from different nations, The Duke ran up to Toph and gave her a large hug. The blind girl staggered for a moment, but then hugged the boy back.<p>

The child Freedom Fighter wore a bright smile as he slowly released the earth bender. "You know, I have to say, I was kinda worried you wouldn't hug me back, since you're really attached to Sokka."

Toph shook her head. "Nah. Even though I'm extremely driven, my lifestyle is one of never taking 'no' for an answer, and I'm a real gutsy child, I've decided to just quietly discard my feelings for Sokka and make no mention of them to anyone."

* * *

><p>0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0<p>

* * *

><p>As the sun began to set over Ba Sing Se, children played in the streets among the wrecked Fire Nation tanks, people laughed and talked as they passed through the various enormous holes in the various walls, and the fully- realized Avatar and his friends all sat around the Jasmine Dragon as Iroh played a tsungi horn.<p>

With the soft music playing, Avatar Aang teased his pet lemur and smiled. "I'm glad we found time to take a small break in the midst of what has to be extremely fragile and delicate international negotiations to sit around and do nothing."

While serving tea, Zuko nodded. "And I too am glad that, even though I have to take charge of the Fire Nation while it's in this delicate state of peace while, at the same time, looking for my mother, I have found time to take off my robes and be a waiter. I'm sure no one will have a problem with this."

Sitting at a table, Toph put down her cup of tea and grinned. "What'd I tell ya' guys? Responsibility is for suckers!"

* * *

><p><strong>BUT WAIT! IT'S NOT OVER!<strong>

**Review this chapter and then load the next one to find out How Avatar the Last Airbender SHOULD have Ended.**


	61. Sozin's Comet: Part 5

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 5 - How Avatar the Last Airbend SHOULD have Ended  
><strong>

With a clear sky overhead, General Fong sat on one side of a small table inside his stronghold as he crossed his arms, smirked, and kicked his feet up. "Say it." He stared at the master of all the elements, who sat on the other end of the slab of wood.

"I'm not going to say it!" Avatar Aang furrowed his brow and crossed his own arms.

"Say it."

"No!" The strongest air bender in centuries slammed his hand on the table.

"Sayyyyyyy itttttt." General Fong continued to smirk as he gently closed his eyes and leaned back.

"Not on your life!" The guardian of balance threw his arms in the air. "I don't even know why I'm still here! There's so much I need to do! Places I need to be!"

"So say it and be on your way."

"No."

"Say it."

"No!

"Say it."

"_No_!"

General Fong took a deep breath and calmly smiled. "Say it."

"ALRIGHT!" Avatar Aang let out a long sigh. "You were right. If I had just focused on getting into and controlling the avatar state, this war could've been over months ago. After all, if I beat Ozai so easily when he was powered up by the comet, without the comet, I could have crippled him with ease even before he had a chance to use lightening."

The master of the elements stood up and glared at the Earth Kingdom general. "Happy?"

* * *

><p><strong>[[That's one way it SHOULD have ended. How about this way?]]<strong>

* * *

><p>Phoenix King Ozai rocketed towards the young Avatar as he saw the boy hurry out of the large bay and onto the shore. When he closed in on the tattooed youth, the air bender quickly ripped a ring of stone out of the ground and formed a ball of earth around himself and sealed it tight.<p>

As Aang cowered inside the sphere of rock in front of a forest, he heard the fire bender laughing.

"Hahaha! You're weak! Just like the rest of your people! They did not deserve to exist in this world! In _my_ world! Prepare to join them! Prepare to DIE!"

The Phoenix King slammed both of his hands into the rock and released an enormous blaze. However, the rocks held and the fire bender jumped back. He then smiled and charged forward, unleashing a large blast of flames. Still, the earth shield continued to cover the avatar.

When the fires dispersed, Ozai launched two more streams of burning energy. "Come on out, Avatar!" He began to fire a continuous stream of flames. "You can't hide in there forever!" But the tattooed boy's shield held.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world launched two more balls of fire and then shot two at once that hit the rock sphere from opposite sides. The two flames pushed the Avatar and his stone shield off the ground. A fifth stream of burning energy caught the earth orb as it hovered in the air. The force of the last blast sent the monk and his shield flying back and into a pillar.

Inside the rock ball, Aang continued to cower and cover his head as his foe rocketed towards him and shoot three more fire blasts and his shield. A second later, he felt the heat and saw the glow of another large, continues stream of flames.

With his torrent of fires still being blocked by the rocks, the Phoenix King jumped back and concentrated a large amount of fire in one spot in his palm. The burning energy super-heated the air around it until it created a screeching noise. Ozai kept the compacted inferno in his hand as he ran forward, jumped towards the Avatar, and unleashed the scorching energy in one huge blast.

Ozai then watched as his attack tore apart the monk's shield and, with the rocks gone, the nomad desperately pushed air against the flames. However, the air barely held anything back as the force of the blast threw the boy into the pillar behind him and left him buried in a pile of loose rocks in the indentation in the stone column.

)()()()()()()()()(

Phoenix King Ozai sipped a cup of tea in his war room as he and his generals sat around a map. "… and that's how I killed the Avatar."

The men around him gave their light applause before one of them asked, "But didn't you mention that his body was glowing? What was that about?"

The ruler of the world chuckled. "Oh yes. I believe he went into the avatar state upon slamming into a small extrusion in the pillar he crashed into." He then scratched his head. "Still don't remember that pillar being there before..."

The fire bender shrugged. "Either way, he was still in crippling pain, you know, because my attack almost burned him to a crisp and plowed him into a pillar of stone. And I saw him become winded by such an impact several times during our fight. Even with all the power in the world, the damage to his physical body was still there. So I quickly finished the job, stopped those kids who were attacking my airships, and when I got back to the Fire Nation, dealt with my son and the water bender."

Another general raised a glass. "And now, the world is ours to bring glory and prosperity to! Let's hear it for the Phoenix King!"

"TO THE PHOENIX KING!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[That's another way it SHOULD have ended. What do you think about this one?<strong>

**And while we're at it, anyone feel like a game of Clue?]]**

* * *

><p>With the spiral and rings of the elements circling around the monk, he floated several feet above the ruler of the Fire Nation. Holding out his arms and then closing them into fists, he bent clumps of stone out of the pillar that trapped the Phoenix King's hands and feet. His adversary stared up at him with a clenched jaw and widened eyes. "Fire Lord Ozai! You and your forefathers have devastated the balance of this world! And now, <em>you shall pay the ultimate price<em>!"

Ozai cringed as his foe raised a hand, causing the elements around his body to spiral upward, forming a drill. When the fully-realized Avatar made a chopping motion, the Phoenix King quickly turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. However, a moment later, only a bucket's worth of water splashed on his face as pebbles gently fell around him.

The self-proclaimed ruler of the world looked up and watched as the most powerful air bender in centuries slowly relaxed his body and lowered himself down onto the plateau Ozai lay stuck to. He saw the child's tattoos lose their glow as the stone mounds around his hands and feet crumbled. The ruler of the Fire Nation groaned and clutched his face as the spiral of air vanished from around the fully-realized Avatar.

The master of all elements turned away from his foe. "No. It can't end like this. I see now what's happening all around me."

Ozai brought himself to his hand and knees before raising his head and glaring at the fully realized Avatar. "What are you mumbling about? What's going on all around you?"

The most powerful air bender in centuries turned and faced his foe. "Shoot lightening at me."

"_What_?" The fire bender rose to his feet and dropped into a fighting stance. "You think I'm stupid? You'll just redirect it back at me!"

"I won't, Ozai. If I was going to kill you, I would have done it. However, you're the only one who can end this. This torment. This nightmare. And it needs to be done with your lightening. Azula shot me, but it didn't go through. I need you to do it. Here and now. With no possibility of me being saved. It's the only way to get me out of this."

The Phoenix King blinked twice, but then narrowed his eyes. "Fine. You want lightening?" He blasted fire out of his feat and rocketed back to another pillar. "Here! Have it!" The ruler of the Fire Nation spun his hands and then blasted twin bolts of electricity at the master of all elements.

Avatar Aang watched the lightening approach, opened up his arms, and braced his body. _I would say that I'm going to miss all of my friends, but I know I won't. _A second later, two lightening bolts struck his chest and he let out a painful cry.

Inside a bedroom at the Southern Air Temple, Aang immediately shot himself upright in his bed and gasped as he felt himself covered in sweat. "By the spirits, I was right! No wonder so many things made absolutely no sense!" However, a moment later, he heard a loud explosion coming from outside his room and he hurried towards the doorway. But a moment before he reached the handle, the door swung open and Monk Gyatso stood in the entry way.

"Oh, Aang!" The old air bender quickly wrapped his arms around the young Avatar. "Thank goodness you are awake! We found you and Appa unconscious in the ocean near the Southern Water Tribe. You were frozen in ice and we thawed you out, but you were still unconscious."

"How long was I out?"

"Several days. You were mumbling things constantly. People named Katara and Sokka mostly."

Another explosion echoed across the mountains.

Gyatso cringed. "Ah! I am sorry, Aang! There is no time to waste! The Fire Nation is attacking us with the power that the comet is giving them. However, there is hope. Because they are coming so painfully slow up this incredibly steep cliff, we will do the intelligent thing and evacuate as many people as we can on sky bison."

The old monk sighed. "The elder masters, though, will stay behind and try to hold them off."

The Avatar's eyes widened. "NO! Gyatso, I can-!"

"No, Aang! You are tired and weak. You must flee for now and train to harness your skills. Protect any of the other Air Nomads who will also be surviving, since they are also not stupid and going to fly away from this threat. And, once this comet passes, remember that when you are in danger, you can definitely count on your sky bison to help you. After all, Appa is a ten-ton flying beast that can generate huge blasts of air with his tail."

Gyatso hugged the young air bender one more time as tears fell from his eyes. "Now go! Hurry! And make sure you seek help from the spirits! They will surely help you and not be mostly moochers, douche bags, and thieves!"

* * *

><p><strong>[[You had to know the it-was-all-a-dream ending was going to show up here.<strong>

**Now how's this for a bittersweet way AtLA SHOULD have ended? I call it: The Ending that Continuity SHOULD have Built.]]**

* * *

><p>As the sun began to set over Ba Sing Se, children played in the streets among the wrecked Fire Nation tanks, people laughed and talked as they passed through the various enormous holes in the various walls, and the fully- realized Avatar stood on the terrace in front of the Jasmine Dragon as Katara approached him.<p>

"Hey, Aang, how you holding up?"

The fully-realized Avatar sighed. "Managing, I guess. How 'bout you?"

"Barely." The water bender frowned. "It's hard. I mean, Zuko died right in front of me because I can't heal lightening without water from the Spirit Oasis, like I mentioned to you."

The strongest air bender in centuries nodded. "And I wish I had known that Sokka, Toph, and Suki were so close. I interrogated some of the imperial fire benders that were on the blimps. They said that Suki tried to take a blimp all by herself, but failed and died. Also, Sokka and Toph were killed when they landed on a metal platform and Sokka used both his weapons while holding onto Toph."

The two benders shuddered.

Avatar Aang then lifted his head. "It's so dumb that, just a week ago, I was more worried about my feelings for you than saving the world. Now, since I activated the avatar state by reaching down deep and letting you go, I feel so ashamed. I could've saved them if I had acted sooner."

As she frowned, Katara shook her head. "I hate to add onto your pain, Aang, but I don't think I could've loved you back. I mean, all you've ever done is run away from your problems until someone else came up with a solution. Avatar or not, that would go against everything that I am if I wanted someone like that."

The Water Tribe girl then cringed as she saw her friend begin to cry. "And… and hey! Would you want me even if I wanted you right now? After all, remember at the Ember Island Players' play when you kissed me? I clearly showed that I wasn't into you at the moment. Not even a little. There was no hesitation or second guessing in the way I shouted at you. If I wanted to be with you now, that'd be like a cheerleader not agreeing to be the girlfriend of the captain of a sports team until he won the championship for the team. You wouldn't want that, would you?"

The guardian of balanced managed a small smile. "I suppose I wouldn't. I suppose all we can do now is move forward." He then turned and walked back inside the restaurant.

* * *

><p><strong>[[Is KataraxAang wrong? No. Is the way Mike and Bryan did KataraxAang wrong? Yes.<strong>

**And now-.**

** _Toph: Oh! Oh! I wanna! I wanna do it!_**

**Very well.**

** _Toph: I'm sure you all are feeling a little down from that last way that AtLA SHOULD have ended, but here's a light-hearted one that I really enjoyed helping Dave out with._]]**

* * *

><p>On the shore of a small lake in the middle of the Earth Kingdom, Avatar Aang sat and casually chucked small stones over the water as several clouds passed underneath the bright sun. Suddenly, the master of all elements heard two pairs of footsteps calmly approaching. He smiled and stood up, dusting himself off before turning around and facing his old earth bending friend as well as the guru who instructed him on opening chakra gates. "Bumi, Pathik, thank you both for coming."<p>

The old king of Omashu smiled. "Well of course we did, Aang. What's on your mind?"

The spiritual brother of the Air Nomads grinned. "Do you need my recipe for my soup?"

The strongest air bender in centuries chuckled and walked up to his friends. "No. I just wanted to get a chance to personally thank the two of you for helping me in a way no one else did." He then slid both his hands behind his back. "I've got a special present for each of you. Close your eyes."

Bumi snorted and laughed. "Ooooh suprises!" He shut his eyes. "Are we allowed to guess?"

Pathik merely chuckled. "It was unnecessary, Avatar." He closed his eyes. "But thank you."

Avatar Aang grind. "Don't mention it." He then narrowed his eyes, closed his hands into fists, bared his teeth, and swung his knuckles into both of his friends crotches.

"OW! MY STONES!"

"OH! MY ONIONS AND BANANA!"

The master of all elements crossed his arms. "That, _Bumi_, was for making me think my friends were going to be buried alive in mutating rocks if I didn't learn some stupid lessons, _which I never needed to use in the slightest_!" He turned his eyes to the guru. "And that, _Pathik_, was for failing to tell me that I would still be in love with Katara even after achieving the avatar state! Would've helped the decision-making process of an emotionally immature 12 year-old if you had mentioned that!"

Aang then huffed and stormed away.

* * *

><p><strong>Give a review and load the next chapter. But I have to warn you, there's only one thing left to talk about and it's what's going to change it all for you.<strong>


	62. Sozin's Comet: Part 6

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 6 -Intermission and Last Warning  
><strong>

**Sorry for the intermission, but I have to give you all one last warning. This last scene in Sozin's Comet is the one I promised would change everything about Avatar the Last Airbender and won't let you watch the series the same way ever again.**

**If you want to stop now, I understand. 'Cause there's no turning back. I've argued these points again and again with myself and was going to give up because I thought I had found unjustifiable actions. However, I found them. Using only proof and deductions taken directly from the show itself, I found them.**

**In fact, as you're reading every single point and counter point these two characters make, you'll be seeing the way I think and the way I went over each and every point and counter point. It might be staggering, but as you're reading it, imagine going through it while watching all the AtLA chapters. Hopefully, you'll get a new sense of appreciation for how hard I've worked to keep this satire consistently updating.  
><strong>

**For those of you who are going to read on, please do me a favor and make sure you've reviewed the other chapters of Sozin's Comet because you are going to be asking me lots and lots and lots of questions about this next chapter. When you ask them, keep in mind that everything said and talked about is taken directly from the show. No fanfics/-theories. No comics. Not even "Word of God" interviews with Mike and Bryan that you've probably never heard of or read. Just the show and deductions I made from it. Also, don't be afraid to take a break as you're reading this. It's over 80 pages long and goes over a lot.  
><strong>

**For those of you writing AtLA fan fics of your own, the choice of how to continue them is up to you. I know that sounds a little arrogant, but it won't after you read this.  
><strong>

**For those of you who want to be certain you'll be able to talk with me about everything you want to talk about, please bring out those notebooks that I asked you to have on you.**

**For those of you who didn't read last week's important note, please do not read into the fact that the two characters who are talking have selective omniscience. It's just an excuse to allow them to talk about everything they need to talk about. I do not honestly think either of them is that well-informed.  
><strong>

**For those of you who think this will be the end of my satire, remember that the third special treat will be announced next week.**

**For those of you who are about die inside, I solute you.**

**Once you are ready, load the next chapter.**

* * *

><p><strong>P.S. Before you begin, note that, in the real world, bows and arrows were invented around 8,000 B.C.E., approximately 10,000 years ago from today. This may sound like an odd thing for me to mention. But keep it in the back of your mind.<strong>


	63. Sozin's Comet: Part 7

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: Sozin's Comet: Part 7 - The Truth  
><strong>

Through the hallways of the prison close to Palace City, Fire Lord Zuko marched over stone floors until he reached a metal door. Sliding the door open, he narrowed his eyes and marched into the prison cell where he saw his father sitting limp on the ground behind metal bars and atop a small cot.

Ozai glanced at his son and then turned away. "I should count myself lucky. The new Fire lord has graced me with his presence in my lowly prison cell."

Zuko continued to glare at his predecessor. "You should count yourself lucky that the Avatar spared your life." He watched the former Fire lord scoff. "Banishing me was the best thing you could have done for my life. It put me on the right path. Perhaps your time in here will do the same for you."

"Why are you _really _here?"

"Because you're going to tell me something." The new ruler of the Fire Nation leaned down towards his prisoner. "Where. Is. My mother?"

Ozai began to snicker. He then chuckled and soon began to laugh. "You foolish boy! You think I have any control over where she is? Besides, after what you've done to the person who tried everything to make your life better in every way, well, let's just say I'm a little more than upset with you right now!"

Zuko lifted his body up and crossed his arms. "'The one who tried everything to make my life better'?" He tsked. "Uncle's forgiven me."

The former Fire lord snarled and swung his body forward. "You dare to compare someone so manipulative and cold-hearted to the one who tried to raise you and prepare you for life?" He slowly relaxed and leaned back against the wall. "No. I suppose not. The wool's been pulled over your eyes so many times over you don't know what's real, do you?"

"Just because you and Azula have tricked me doesn't mean I haven't learned from my mistakes. Now, what did you mean when you said you couldn't control where mother is? You banished her. You must have some idea."

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "You honestly think she was banished? No, let me rephrase that: You honestly think she's still banished because of a decree? And who was talking about me and your sister? I was talking about Iroh."

"Yeah. He tried to raise me and prepare me for life. You're the cold-hearted piece of garbage who takes pride in how great of a manipulator he is."

"What? No. The first one was me!"

"Yeah, the first one you mentioned. The manipulator."

"No. The first one you mentioned. The one who tired to raise you. That was me."

Zuko froze for several moments. He then pinched the bridge of his nose. "You can't possibly think I'm stupid enough to believe that. You and Azula love to deceive and trick and conspire and manipulate and-."

"To enemies, yes! Not to you!"

"Yes to me! And I can name hundreds of times! Now, where's my mother!"

Ozai stared at his son. "Humor me."

"That's not an answer."

"No, but this will be. Have I been perfect? No. And there were times I did things to you that I hated to do out of necessity. But don't be fooled. You'll find, very soon, heavy is the head that wears the crown. And don't think balancing being a ruler and being a good father is close to a simple task. However, if you explain why you think I was a horrible parent and give me a chance to justify each action, I will tell you everything I can about Ursa.

"Do we have a deal?"

The Avatar's firebending teacher narrowed his eyes. "This is a trick."

"No trick. I'll even start by saying this, 'cause I can see it in your eyes. Right away, you aren't going to believe everything I say to you and I encourage that bit of stubbornness. I can feel that I'm about to sunder a lot of beliefs and ideas that are etched into your heart and mind. Those should not be easy to sway. However, if you look over the events in your life again while taking in my words, you will find that are many things I'm going to tell you that you cannot refute and as you look deeper and think about things more, you'll see that everything I'm telling you is the truth.

"Now, Zuko, do we have a deal?"

The Fire lord uncrossed his arms. "The instant I hear anything that sounds like a 'suggestion' of how to rule, I'm leaving."

"So is that a 'yes'?"

Zuko nodded. "Deal."

* * *

><p><strong>OZAI<strong>

* * *

><p>The former Fire lord pushed himself up as high as he could against the wall of his cell. "First, I want to make sure we both know that I treated you very well when you were younger. Did I have to be sterner with you as you grew up? Yes. You were a prince and a member of the royal family in a wartime-era. But you certainly must remember and seen pictures of us on vacation on Ember Island? Of me putting my hand around your shoulder as we stared out over the ocean?"<p>

The current ruler of the Fire Nation nodded. "I've never doubted that you were _at one time_ a good father. But things have changed."

"Yes, as I've said, I've had to be stern. This is… _was_a war-time era and I knew a young man like yourself would insist on fighting for the honor of his country. Your sister was much the same. I had to make sure you two were ready."

"There's making sure Azula and I were ready. And then there's what you did."

"You're trying to doubt me about this? Until my battle with the Avatar, I was one of, if not _the_, most powerful and dangerous fighters in the world. Even your uncle, with all his strength and skill, doubted his chances against. Trust me when I say that I know what it takes to be strong. Regardless of if you think I'm only good at firebending or think I have other skills, I know what can make you strong."

"You did a lot more than push me to do hot-squats and run laps!"

"Because death doesn't give you second chances or do-overs! Did you ever consider that I'd rather you have a rough childhood than _only_ a childhood?"

I'd rather you have a rough childhood than _only_ a childhood."

Zuko furrowed his brow. "I'm sorry, I think I had something in my ear. 'Cause I could've sworn you called my childhood 'rough' instead of 'a torturous wasteland of pain.'"

Ozai sighed. "This is going to take more time than I thought. What else do you need me to explain?"

"Is that a joke? Because it is if you think I know where to start. The list is longer than an address book for Ba Sing Se."

"Try starting from the beginning. Start from the earliest thing you remember and well go from there."

"Ok, how about the fact that you said that Azula was born lucky and I was lucky to be born?"

"What about it? You're sister was born lucky, you weren't. It's no shock to anyone that, when you were younger, you weren't good by Fire Nation royal family standards. If that sounded insensitive to you, sorry. But I don't think making a rude comment to my son, intentionally or accidentally, makes me a terrible father. Besides, haven't you said that you don't need luck? That struggling and fighting has made you strong?"

The new Fire Lord narrowed his eyes and scoffed. "I was lying to myself to make me feel better on how my father insulted me."

The former ruler of the Fire Nation gave a light smile. "And yet, you're alive after enduring these hardships that you claim and several battles where you were out-numbered by soldiers at least 10 years older than you. That's no lie. Once again, I'd rather you have a rough childhood than only a childhood. If it were a peacetime-era, then motivating you in such a way would have been wholly unnecessary. But we were at war and I wanted to see you live. So, I'm sorry that you weren't blessed with the best of my genes. Next time I impregnate Ursa so she gives birth to you, I'll remember to tell my sperm to only let the best one fertilize the egg."

The scarred teen crossed his arms. "And why wasn't training me an option?"

"What are you talking about? Wait a minute. Zuko, what do you remember about your training when you were younger? Do you remember who taught you what techniques?"

Zuko gritted his teeth. "Um…"

"Yeah. That's what I thought. If I were a selfish jerk-off like you think I am, I would've tried my hardest to turn my son into a strong fighter to make myself look good. If I were a good father in a wartime-era, I would've tried my hardest to turn my son into a strong fighter so he could survive. The only thing that'd stop me in either case is if you decided you didn't want to train anymore and found a way to get out of training. Whether it was with your mother's help or not, I don't remember. But that's the only thing that could've stopped me."

"Or until Azula came along and you decided I wasn't worth your time anymore."

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "I don't know why or when you got the notion that I gave her a significantly greater amount of time than I gave you for any reason other than she came to me to show off. But even if I was some heartless bastard who'd do that, wouldn't I pass you off to some, at least, semi-skilled tutor just on the off chance you got better? Surely, being in the royal family, I could arrange that."

"Unless you cared too little to do that."

"Or unless you just weren't interested in that either."

The current Fire Lord glanced to the side. "Whatever. I don't remember my training growing up, but you're right. I had to have some by default. Either way, passing me off to someone when I wasn't measuring up to Azula doesn't excuse the favoritism."

"What favoritism? Tell me when! Give me a specific example that says or even hints that I favored her so much more than you!"

"Easy. The day you asked grandfather for Iroh's birthright, nice job not being a horrible person with _that_. Anyway, you wanted Azula to show off what she knew and you wanted me to stay out of the way!"

The powerless bender stared at his son. "And what did I do that makes you think that? As I recall, among other things, I asked a question about Sozin's tactics at Han Tui to both of you. You began to reply, but didn't know the answer, so Azula answered. I didn't single either one of you out."

"Then how come you asked her to show of and not me?"

"Two reasons: First, you already admitted that Azula was far better than you at that age. I cared about you two the same, but I wasn't blind on who was a stronger bender. Second, those were moves Azula showed to me. You hadn't shown anything like that to me and I was putting on a show for your bastard of a grandfather, I wanted to make sure I knew what was going to happen. But, when you wanted to show 'what you learned,' not 'what you showed me,' I didn't stop you. I gave you the opportunity, didn't I?"

The firebender continued to glare at his father. "I'm curious what made my grandfather a bastard and not you."

"You're joking, right?"

"No, but I think you are. 'Cause I remember you frowning while you 'gave me the opportunity.'"

"What?"

"You heard me. I stood up, shouted that I wanted to demonstrate what I learned, and you frowned."

Ozai's arm struggled to rise towards his head, but stopped at his chin, which he scratched. "Zuko, you do remember what direction you were facing that whole time, right?"

"I was looking at grandfather, so?"

"And I was behind you that whole time. You never turned around."

"So?"

"_So_, your memory's playing tricks on you! I was behind you, you were always facing forward and there were no mirrors! You couldn't possibly have seen my facial expressions at the time!"

The scarred ruler blinked twice. "Wow… You're right." He then shook his head. "Ok, say I believe you. What was your facial expression?"

Ozai tsked. "You want me to remember the facial expression I was making at some random point six years ago? Um… I guess I was a nervous about things not going exactly as planned. But other than that, your guess'll be as good as mine. Either way, I still let you perform, didn't I?"

"Perhaps…" Zuko slowly rubbed his chin. "But that still doesn't justify trying to take Uncle's birthright as soon as he lost Lu Ten!"

The former Phoenix King sighed. "I can't believe you're supporting Iroh and not me."

"Your opinions of Uncle aren't part of the deal."

"Very well! Though a heartless move, I will admit, asking for Iroh's claim to the throne was as much a practical request for myself as for the entirety of the Fire Nation. It was better to not delay the inevitable and show a clear line of succession for the throne."

"Heartless doesn't begin to describe it. And what part of kicking your brother when he was down is a practical move for the entire Fire Nation?"

"The part where he has no more children, if he was going to remarry after his wife died, he would have already, and that since he's more than a few decades older than me, I would eventually get the throne anyway."

The now-powerless bender shrugged his shoulders. "Your Uncle flirts with a lot with women, but I can't think of a time he showed signs of committing to anyone since his wife died. Thus, with Lu Ten gone, the person who'd take the throne after him would be me. Me who has children and a wife and would make the people of our nation sleep a little easier knowing the line of succession was solid. More solid than it would have been if Iroh sat on the throne and waited to pass away before it went to his brother and then his nephew or niece.

"Face it, Zuko. The throne was going to go to me at some point. And with Iroh being an emotional wreck and slipping into, what seemed like, crazy talk about visiting the Spirit World, it really would be best for the Fire Nation if I became next in line for the throne."

The new Fire lord let out a light chuckle and shook his head as he gave a small smile. "I gotta hand it to you. You came up with quite a bit of excuses-."

"Justifications."

"Fine. Justifications… for several of the things you've done. Now how about giving me a 'justification' on why you were willing to kill me and were ok with killing grandfather?"

Ozai's eyes widened. He then stared at his son and furrowed his brow. "Why was I ok with killing your grandfather? Do you remember what I told you during the eclipse? The part where my father _ordered me to kill you_?"

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

With all his might, Ozai struck his own forehead. "Let me give you a little piece of advice from one father to what I hope will be another one day. Whether I'm a heartless bastard and just want to keep my line strong or as a father who'd like to see grandchildren. Here's my advice: If anyone and I mean _anyone_ seriously demands that you kill your own children, I hope you have no qualms about seeing the throat of that bastard slashed to pieces! Honestly, even if he was mad at me for wanting Iroh's birthright, he still demanded that I kill you!

"Which is why your grandfather is a bastard and why I didn't lose much sleep over his death! He wanted me to kill my own son!"

The firebender scoffed. "Except for the fact that you agreed to kill me! I believe that's what you told me during the eclipse and then your wife did horrible things just to keep me alive!"

Ozai lowered his head. "I still hate thinking about what you did during the eclipse."

"Save it! Just try to justify it!"

"Well, which do you want? What your mother did, why I told you that during the eclipse, or why I said I agreed?"

"Start with what happened when grandfather ordered you to kill me."

The ex-Phoenix King let out a small sigh. "Of course I had considered the possibility that your grandfather would refuse my request, even becoming furious with me for it. I was not, however, expecting him to say that I should kill you."

Zuko kept his arms crossed. "So what did you do?"

"I told him I would, but only because I was caught off-guard. I knew I desperately needed to think of a way out of the situation and if I refused, that bastard of an old man would've gotten someone else to do it. And I can prove this was why. Some time after I left the throne room, your mother confronted me about what she heard from your sister and I explained everything. She then came up with a plan that would kill Azulon without suspicion of murder and would put me on the throne. The specifics about it are so mind boggling, I couldn't keep them straight and still can't sort them out."

The scarred ruler swung his arms out. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" He then lowered his hands to his side. "Now I know you're lying. There's no possible way that's true. Mother came up with that plan to protect me, not you."

"No, Zuko, like it or not, it was for both of us and to get rid of your bastard grandfather. I'm telling you the truth."

"Prove it. Prove all of it!"

"The proof will come when I explain what happened to Ursa."

"No! Prove it now or I'm leaving!"

The powerless bender looked into his son's eyes and then nodded. "Very well... Only because I want you to know I've been a good father, I will tell you. Have you ever wondered why your mother hasn't returned to the Fire Nation in six years?"

"Duh! She was banished."

Ozai let out a crude chuckle. "There you go again, thinking that a decree could stop her."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"With all the times you went over this story, in your head or heard bits of it from others, did it never occur to you that in the span of about 8 hours, your dear mother hypothesized, organized, executed, and followed through with a plan that assassinated the leader of an extremely powerful country, usurped the birthright of that leader's first born, gave the birthright to his ambitious second son, and no one was the wiser about it? If you haven't, let me tell you that people can't just wake up one day and do this. Ursa has a level of cunning that cannot be defined.

"Keep in mind, this plot that one would think would take years, delicate preparations, clandestine organization, perfect timing, the misplaced trust of the ruler and careful control over the fallout, was something she did in 8 hours, with whatever she could find, by herself with only some aid from me, at the drop of a hat, with no time to lose, when Azulon would've been wary around her after what he ordered me to do to you, and she wasn't present for the aftermath. Your dear mother is a genius of geniuses and even that doesn't begin to describe her."

The former ruler narrowed his eyes at his son. "There is nothing that could stop someone like that short of death and even then she might have had a plan for something. I could have her in a metal box at the bottom of the ocean. But by virtue of the fact that air, food, and water have to be accessible to her, she'd find a way out. And with the damning claims she could bring up against me, I'd be at her mercy.

"Now, Zuko, let me ask you again, why didn't she come back after all this time if I'm such a horrible father? Why would she risk leaving you with me if I was so nonchalant about killing you? Surely she knows some of the things I've done. You told me about how some random old man in that Earth Kingdom town you saved from those bully soldiers knew that I had burned and banished you! Are you actually going to assume that some random geezer in some no-name town somewhere in the Earth Kingdom, who has nothing to gain from knowing about our family, keeps better tabs on what goes on in the Fire Nation than your mother could?"

The new Fire lord felt his body trembling as he shook his head. "You could've kept guards around her. Lots of them. You could've told them to never say a single word to her or around her. And threatened her that if she ever returned or gave you any reason to suspect she would, you'd kill me and Azula."

"That certainly would have delayed someone who, in 8 hours, was capable of assassinating a Fire lord, putting his ambitious second-son on the throne, disappearing before everything's done, and have no one be the wiser; all at the drop of a hat. But, after 6 years, that's not going to be enough. You can't pretend that someone that cunning wouldn't have found a way."

"You could have given her to someone to brainwash her like the Dai Lee did."

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "Who have you heard of, besides the Dai Lee, who know how to brainwash people? And before you even ask if the Dai Lee have her, think about the kind of power and influence Long Feng would've had over me if he controlled my wife. Whether because she's my wife and I care about her or because she knew what I had done to Azulon. And don't think that he wouldn't make sure that some random woman he hypnotized wasn't who he thought she was."

"Then you killed her!" Zuko's eyes widened. He then lunged forward and clutched the bars of his father's cell as he breathed fire. "YOU MONSTER! YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!"

"Settle down! I didn't kill her!"

The new Fire lord glared at his father as he tightened his grip on the cell bars.

"You want proof, don't you?"

Zuko's eyes narrowed further.

"I don't suppose you'd wait and let me get to it when the time came?"

The scarred teen continued breath out fumes.

"Thought not. Remember what I said to you during the eclipse when you were about to leave? When I asked you if you wanted to know what happened to your mother? That she was banished?"

"_Yes_."

"Now consider two options. One: I'm being honest. Two: I'm this heartless bastard you think I am. If I'm telling the truth, then I'm telling the truth and Ursa is alive. If I'm a horrible monster, why did I tell you she's banished? I clearly wanted you to stay and try to kill me. Wouldn't 'I had your mother killed' be more enraging than 'I had your mother banished'?"

Smoke stopped coming out of Zuko's nose and mouth, but his eyes stayed narrowed. "You could've not thought about it. After all, you'd probably practiced saying she was banished for so long, that's how it came out."

"Two problems with that theory: First of all, who would I practice it on? Second, even if I mentally rehearsed that on the off chance I would need it, after I said that she was banished, you began to tear up and you whimpered 'so she's alive.' Given what you said and the way you said it, how stupid would I have to be to not say something like 'She was alive until I killed her' even if she was still alive? It certainly would have made you want to stay and attack me, wouldn't it? At least more than telling you she's banished and then saying 'perhaps.'"

The hands of the new Fire lord slipped from the prison bars as his eyes turned down. "But… But… Aha! You might have avoided saying that she's dead because you didn't want the imperial firebenders, who you dismissed but were still in ear shot, finding out what you did!"

The former ruler of the Fire Nation raised an eyebrow. "So you think that I was ok with letting them know I was going to kill my son back when he was eleven years old. That I was fine with them knowing I was a co-conspirator in Azulon's death. That Iroh was the rightful heir to the throne. But them knowing I had killed my wife was too risky?"

"Or because you were worried they'd let it slip to Azula! She might not be as powerful as you, but she's dangerous! And you could have known that she cared a lot about mom even if she tried to hide it! You knew that on the off chance I told her that you killed our mother, she'd be able to detect that I wasn't lying and get revenge!"

"If that were true and I was a heartless bastard, why not kill her or at least keep her from attacking you?"

"Azula's too valuable to kill and if you kept her away from me, then when I did tell her about mom, it'd be all the more reason to believe me!"

"You're also assuming that your sister, if she cared, never tried to find out what really happened. At least if Ursa was alive or not."

The firebender narrowed his eyes. "Or she didn't want to because she wanted to hide her feelings even to herself!"

"Zuko, I don't know where you got this perception of your sister, but let me put an end to this right now. If I was a heartless bastard and I was worried you, first of all would survive my lightning attack, which I have a feeling I'll need to explain, or one of my guards would tip off Azula about what happened to Ursa, why not just kill the guards? There's no way I could have known you knew how to redirect lightning or I wouldn't have used it. I could then order all the guards in and quickly kill them with lightning and then give your sister any reason I wanted for killing them. I could just say 'I didn't want them to live anymore.' Surely, she'd believe that you went traitor, for one reason or another, and if that mask you claim she had was on so tight, she wouldn't ask about Ursa.

"Also, you must realize all of our arguments about your sister are based on the assumption that I considered any of it in the tiny microseconds between when you teared-up and said, 'So she's still alive' and when I said, 'Perhaps.'"

The scarred ruler pointed at his father. "But you could have considered Azula's reaction every time you rehearsed the story!"

Ozai sighed. "Then I would have been practicing lying to your sister that your mother was banished, which has an almost perfectly identical risk of you or the guards passing on to her. And if I was being so careful about the lie, I'd have to worry about her asking me if it was true that Ursa was banished and not killed. Either way, you're saying that I'd be gambling on my ability to lie past your sister."

"Not so, Azula would dig deeper if she had reason to think mother was dead."

"Then I would have to lie to her about whatever she might find. Any way you look at the scenario where I'd fear your sister's retaliation, I've apparently been practicing a lie for six years that I am confident I can put past her but not the same lie if she thinks her mother's dead. All this despite the fact that the phrase 'I don't know where she is' is not only a perfectly acceptable answer when asked about someone who's banished, it is also a phrase that is easily practiced. Much easier than the story I told you whether the story is a lie or not.

"So, my son, which is it? Am I afraid of your sister, but confident I can lie to her? Am I afraid of your sister, confident I can lie to her, but not confident in my ability to say one or two more sentences that are lies to her? Or is your mother alive?"

Zuko became lightheaded as he gripped the top of his skull and took a few steps away from the prison cells.

"Do you believe me now? Your mother is alive and with a brain like hers, she could've come back at some point in these six years if she really wanted. And I wouldn't have gone after her after you ran off to join the Avatar! If I hadn't been afraid of her all this time, it would've served no purpose! Even if I was a heartless bastard and tried to kill her anyway, she'd be ready!"

The powerless bender then relaxed himself. "Of course, that does leave the possibility that she just stopped caring about you and your sister. Although you'd have to wonder how that had happen, since you believe that she gave up her life of luxury for you. Plus, depending on how much she stopped caring about you two, that'd throw out your I-threatened-her-with-your-and-your-sister's-lives theory. So you'd have to wonder why she didn't come back to the Fire Nation for selfish reasons."

The Avatar's fire bending teacher dropped his back against one of the walls in the cell. "So she really _is_ alive."

"For as far as I know. But with the level of cunning she possesses, I doubt anyone or anything could kill her."

The scarred teen sighed. "On the day of black sun, why did-."

"Hold on. We're already off track and I don't want you bouncing around your life's story. You certainly must have other questions for me following your bastard of a grandfather's death."

The new Fire lord nodded. "What about when I woke up the day after you killed grandfather and asked you where mom was? Why didn't you say anything? You just stood in front of the pond and acted like a statue."

"Don't you realize what kind of emotional state I was in? In less than half a day, I found out what a horrible person my father was, my wife killed my father and now was gone as part of her plan, and I had to keep up a perfect act in front of the entire Fire Nation without her here. Sure, I have self-control, but even I have my limits. The Avatar can tell you that I was looking like I was terrified when I thought he was going to kill me."

"I always thought it was that you didn't care and were basking in the moment of your triumph."

"What can I say? Things in our family aren't always what they seem."

Zuko slowly looked at the ground. He then raised his head and stared at his father as he pointed at his own face. "Explain this, then! Explain the agni kai! During the eclipse, you said it was to teach me respect."

"And it was. It was to teach you respect and how it worked."

"I win respect by hurting others?"

Ozai shook his head. "No! It…!" He sighed. "Let me start a little before your outburst in the war room. As we established and since we aren't lying to each other, Azula was a more talented firebender and better tactician than you and it would be pretty easy for anyone remotely involved with the royal family to know that. However, you were the oldest, so you were going to inherit the throne from me.

"True, I could have decreed that Azula would inherit the throne, but either way I wanted you to be seen as a leader and a capable member of the family by even our worst critics. If I'm a good father, then I wanted it for your own good. If I was a heartless bastard, I would've wanted it so I could have another useful pawn or that the people would see me as strong. Either way, the problem was that you really had nothing to boast about. Yes, you had your sense of honor, but you never really did anything with it. Many people could've just written your honor off as fancy words from a spoiled prince.

"But then, the incident in the war room happened and it was though Agni himself answered my prayers. There you were: A child sneaking his way into a world of the most decorated generals of the Fire Nation, but when the lives of common soldiers were endangered by one of those top generals, you didn't hesitate to stand up and shout out in their defense!"

The powerless bender tilted his head back and wore a light smile. "It was exactly what I needed. I could make a spectacle out of it and make you a hero of the people! It was so perfect. Your sister could create all the ingenious plans she wanted and become as deadly a firebender and soldier as she could, it would get her far, very far. But _you_, being the hero of the people of our nation and being able to rally them to your call, it would take you farther than she could ever dream. Anyone can tell you that.

"The Avatar needed an army for the invasion. Azula needed an army for the take over of Ba Sing Se. You will need people to follow you if you are to keep the Fire Nation prosperous. Fighting skills alone only take you so far."

The new Fire lord raised an eyebrow. "So why punish me for showing I cared?"

"Why have an agni kai? Like I said, I would've had to make a spectacle out of it and I would've had to do it right. A rumor about what you did from my secret war room wouldn't have carried the same weight of proof as me battling you in front of an esteemed audience. And before you ask, I wasn't expecting you to win or even come close. Just fight me, show that you were willing to take blows for what you believed in and then let the rumor mill spin."

"But why did _you_ fight me? Why not have me fight the general I barked at?"

"Because the general looked like he was older than dirt. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who hears about the agni kai. Now, which tale sounds more impressive: To defend the little people of the Fire Nation, Prince Zuko stood up to a top-ranked general and battled his father, the mighty Fire lord, or: To defend the little people of the Fire Nation, Prince Zuko stood up to and battled a top-ranked general, and the general is some old man who looks like your grandpa?"

The ex-Pheonix King stared at his son. "See why I did that? No one would be impressed by you battling the general and it'd probably work against you; beating up and arguing with an old man who is weaker than you is not something that people often look fondly on."

Zuko pushed himself away from the wall and slowly crossed his arms. "All that is believable, but you're avoiding the main point of my question. I want to hear you justify my scar and my banishment. And I want to hear some proof too, because it's easier for me to think that you thought I was weak and wanted me gone."

Ozai tsked. "'Wanted you gone'? You were an arrogant, not very talented kid with an over-eagerness to prove your worth and an inferiority complex from your little sister. If anyone really wanted you gone, it'd be simple to fake an accident. Even Ty Lee could be drunk on cactus juice and she still could've tricked you into falling on your own sword."

The scarred ruler of the Fire Nation snarled.

The ex-Phoenix King, however, slid his head down and shook it. "But, that doesn't answer your question about proof. This does: During the agni kai, when you dropped to your knees and showed you wouldn't fight, I tried to encourage you without revealing the plan. Remember how I said, 'You will fight for your _honor_'? I specifically emphasized 'honor' to goad you into attacking. I then tried directly ordering you to fight."

"How is any of that proof?"

"Because, if I just wanted to beat you up, why would I have wanted you on your feet? Am I a heartless, child-abusing bastard who gets a thrill off hurting those weaker than him, but only if they're standing because I won't hit them when they're down? As for the banishment, if I just wanted you gone, why allow you a ship and crew? Why make sure you had funds to pay for food and the garbage Iroh always bought? Why not just kick you out of the country?"

Zuko shook let out a small growl. "That all sounds well and good, and I will admit there's a measure of evidence in that. But now I want you to justify why you burned my face and banished me at all."

"Panic, really. I'm not that good at thinking on my feet when something happens that I didn't expect. That's why I panicked when the Avatar achieved that power boost. That's why I didn't do the best thing I could during the eclipse."

"I'm not hearing a justification."

"The only thing I can say is that it was the best thing I could do in a bad scenario I hadn't predicted. There was the possibility that you wouldn't fight at all, but I didn't expect you too look so scared and nearly cry in front of everyone."

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME!"

Ozai tensed. "Looking back after the fact, I saw that. But at the time, I thought you had enough courage. And I did think that when I said you had to duel in an angi kai for what you did in my war room, you understood that you were going to fight me. So I hope that justifies why I was surprised at your response."

Zuko slowly relaxed his body. "Just tell me why you pushed a fist full of fire into my face."

The powerless bender narrowed his eyes. "I may have hurt you, Zuko, but I didn't just 'push a fist full of fire into your face.' I was very careful to make sure I didn't do anything other than aesthetic and superficial damage. Surely, when you looked at your left eye in the mirror, you noticed that you could see out of your left eye. Didn't you ever wonder why the worst of the burning was so close to your eyeball, but your eye itself is undamaged? At least, I've never heard you say your left eye was impaired!"

The firebender's eyes widened as he raised his hand to the left side of his face. "I never noticed that before."

"I guessed as much. I honestly don't know all the factors of human anatomy in our world, but you were screaming in pain when I burned you and our skin is resistant to fire. I doubt that your thin eyelid could protect your eye that much if I had been so reckless and powerful at the same time."

"But then _why_? If you cared so much about me, why burn me?"

"Because I couldn't leave things with you cowering in front of a hundred people. You'd never be able to live it down. You be disgraced. Who would respect you after that? And you've seen what happens to weak rulers. Long Feng's conspiracy against the Earth king is a prime example of when rulers don't have the respect of their people. It may not always be that extreme, but the principle is there. I had to do something that would change the people's image of you. I had to do something to get them to respect you.

"By having you endure banishment, come back with a thick battle scar, and return with the Avatar captured, people would see you as transformed. Their image of you being a scared child would have already faded and immediately they'd see you as a man who endured struggles, earned scars, and captured the most dangerous enemy to our country."

The scarred ruler narrowed his eyes as he raised an eyebrow. "But why have me capture the Avatar? You had no idea if an avatar still existed! How is that anything other than a way to have me out of your way forever?"

The ex-Phoenix King shook his head. "Was it a way to have you gone forever or a last desperate attempt to make you into a hero of the people? I already proved to you that your loving mother knew everything that I was doing and could come back at nearly any time she wanted. Do you think she'd be ok with me kicking you out forever? Or do you think she'd understand that it was the only option I had to make you into a national hero? Also, two things to note for the record: When everyone thought you had killed the Avatar, it worked. And, I knew hunting for the Avatar wasn't _that_ dangerous of a task."

"But there would've been other ways to strengthen me. You said it yourself that I was definitely going to fight in the war."

"True, but with you constantly in the Fire Nation, constantly being around the story of how you caved when confronted with someone who was against you, especially when 'you just had the Fire Nation's best interests at heart,' you would have no chance of anyone respecting you for probably ten years at least. Remember: this was you showing that you really wouldn't stand up for the little people of the Fire Nation if someone powerful threatened you. Even if the story of the agni kai vanished from people's memories, the attitude towards you would've lingered. You needed to disappear from their thoughts and come back looking different and achieving greatness. And remember, that is exactly what happened when everyone thought you killed the Avatar. No one spoke of your agni kai. They only hailed you as a hero."

Zuko tightened his hands into fists. "But, even if all that is true and the agni kai was a propaganda stunt that got botched…" He stared right into his father's eyes. "… why didn't you tell me it was that? Why didn't you let me know what you were going to do and why you were doing it?"

"You were too honorable for your own good, that's why."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Zuko, I don't know if you're aware, but you were not the best actor in the world. You were straight forward and didn't have much control of your emotions. If I did tell you back then, there was a good chance you either wouldn't have gone through with it because it'd be lying to your people or you'd be guaranteed to botch it because it'd be obvious you were acting. That agni kai was too important to risk you messing up because you wanted to be honest."

"And yet, look how it turned out."

"Everything's clearer in hindsight. Sorry I can't see the future."

"So, the agni kai was a publicity stunt that got screwed up, the burning and banishment was to get people to forget about me cowering when someone challenged my ideals, and hunting the Avatar was just a last desperate attempt to make me a hero?"

"Exactly. And, as I said, it was to teach you respect. How it worked and how to earn it. You aren't respected just because you're a prince. You saw it when you tried to enter the war room that day and the guards wouldn't let you pass. From what I heard, you saw it on your ship when your crew didn't respect you until you saved the helmsman. You needed to know how to actually earn respect and there's no easy way to do it. I wasn't lying when I said your refusal to fight was showing a weakness that would shame you. And I said 'you.' Not the family. Not the throne. Not the nation. Just you."

"Though why banish me from the whole country? Why not just the Palace City? If for no other reason than that the Avatar could've been somewhere in the Fire Nation?"

"I needed you out of the people's minds so that they'd completely forget about how you acted when someone powerful challenged what you did for those soldiers."

"That almost works, but there's one problem with it."

"And that is?"

"You didn't know the Avatar was an inexperienced child. Even if you thought I had a chance of finding someone who no one else could, for all you knew, he or she would be a century-old master of all the elements."

"Actually, like I said, I knew hunting for the Avatar wouldn't be too dangerous and I had very good reasons to assume he or she would not be a master of all the elements nor even very good at airbending."

The scarred teen blinked twice. "You… you did?"

"Yes. Don't you remember what you told me happened on the day you found the Avatar in the South Pole? Iroh told you that your great-grandfather, grandfather _and father_ all searched had searched for the Avatar and failed. That's why I thought that sending you to hunt for him wouldn't be that risky. I had already done it and so had two other people."

"Ok, so you knew about how dangerous the actual hunt for the Avatar may or may not have been. What does that prove? I mean, I'll admit that it proves the banishment wasn't as dangerous as I would've thought, but that doesn't prove how you'd know I'd be ok if I found him."

"Son, put two and two together. What do you think I, your bastard grandfather, and great-grandfather looked for or asked about while searching? Among everything else, it's almost a guarantee that we would have searched for: Anyone bending more than one element. Anyone approaching a teacher as a novice in an element and then excelling at it within a week or so. Anyone displaying extraordinary skill with an element. And if anyone had done anything that looked like airbending. Obviously, no search ever led us to the Avatar."

"I still don't get it."

"You need me to spell it out for you? Fine. Since no one had seen the Avatar, there was no evidence that he or she was building an army to fight against the Fire Nation. Since there was no evidence of the Avatar practicing the other elements, there was reason to believe he or she would only know how to bend air, or at most they'd only be semi-capable with the other elements. And with no signs of anyone airbending, it stood to reason that he or she would be out of practice using air in an actual battle.

"Combine all that with the assumption that the Avatar was 100 years old when I banished you and you could see why I had no real worries about you fighting him."

The firebender shook his head. "But how could you believe that? People from the other nations wouldn't have told you if they knew the Avatar was back."

"Well, sure. But there's more than one way to find information other than asking. We could listen to people in taverns, in market places, around training grounds and trade routes,… Suffice to say, I had enough reason to think he or she wouldn't be a threat."

"While that all makes sense, you're still leaving open the fact that my banishment could still be a permanent way to get rid of me."

"No. I explained how it was a last-ditch effort to make you a hero of the people."

"But then why revoke my honor?"

"I never revoked your honor. I said that by capturing the Avatar, you'd be able to return home with honor."

"That may have be a small justification, but it isn't enough. You knew how honest and honorable I was. You should've seen the possibility that if I never found the Avatar, I wouldn't lie, say I found him, and then come home."

The former ruler of the Fire Nation slowly exhaled. "It was a risk, yes. But, as I said, I had no choice. To leave you crying in the agni kai arena would've ruined you, maybe for life. I had to hope that, either you'd wise up, claim that the corpse of some old man or woman that you found was the Avatar or find the actual avatar, who I had every reason to believe was a skill-less coward if he or she was still alive."

Ozai looked up at his son. "Was it the best decision ever? No. Was it the only one I could've done that put you in a relatively safe position while your reputation recovered? Yes. If it had been for cruel reasons, would your mother have comeback and killed me with a level of cunning that can usurp the throne of a nation in 8 hours and have everyone think nothing special of it? Yes."

"I still hate that you did it."

"I'm not asking you to like it, believe me. I'm asking you to understand that I tried to help you and it actually was the best and safest way I could."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Then why did you try to stop me when the Aang finally showed up? You promoted Zhao when he was trying to get the Avatar before I did! I know it was you! I saw the black-ribboned letter!"

"Oh you did, did you? Did you also see the other reports I received about him and from him? Did you see the options I had to assign the rank of admiral? Did you see how much he told me about his hunt for the Avatar?"

"Well… no… but-."

"Then don't worry about Zhao. You have to imagine that I don't make choices about who to promote to a top rank just because of one thing that they have done or are trying to do. Also, every time he had the Avatar, the boy slipped through his fingers. Do you really think I would promote him for failure? Even if he was trying to capture the Avatar, so was just about every other ranking officer in the Fire Nation military. If he wasn't competing against you, it'd just be someone else. Either way, he'd done other things that you hadn't heard of and I can't start listing. Though I'm sure documents of them exist somewhere."

The scarred Fire lord let out a huff. "Fine. Then let's focus on someone else you used to stop me from returning. Someone you specifically charged with going after Aang."

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Azula! Did you honestly forget that you sent her after Aang? And speaking of her, she _did_ take over Ba Sing Se in 8 hours while being no closer to the Earth king than mother was to Azulon!"

"Azula _conquered_ Ba Sing Se and publicly declared that the Fire Nation controlled the city. Yes, when all you want to do is conquer, it can be done in 8 hours with a large enough force at your back, good planning, which includes being present after the takeover, _and _the misplaced trust of the ruler. What your dear mother did, almost completely alone, with no time to spare, was kept in secret. while your bastard grandfather had every reason not to trust her, and transferred the power Iroh was supposed to receive to me and no one has been the wiser for six years. Comparing what Azula did to what Ursa did is like saying a campfire is just as suited for warmth as the sun."

Zuko began to grumble. "Fine. It wasn't the same. But that doesn't change the fact that you sent Azula after Aang."

"Actually, I never sent her after the Avatar. I did, however, allow her too in the midst of going after Iroh and you."

The firebender glared at his father. "Ah-ha! So you did want to lock me up and throw away the key!"

"What? No. No. Let's back up again. First of all, before the Avatar's defense of the North Pole where he destroyed an enormous amount of our fleet, everything offensively that kid and his friends had done equated to nothing that a random squad of Earth Kingdom soldiers couldn't have done. They liberated one prison. Defeated one scouting party in the woods where those Freedom Fighters were stationed. And they organized a resistance at the Northern Air Temple. Everything else was him getting away from you, Zhao, or someone else."

"Then why did the North Pole change everything?"

"I'm getting to that. Remember why I had you banished and sent out to find the Avatar?"

"You said you wanted me to show the people of the Fire Nation I was strong, worthy of their respect, and to make them forget how I caved when you 'wanted to stop me' from protecting those soldiers."

"Yes. And so far, there wasn't any reason to call you back to the Fire Nation because the damage the boy had done was so small. But I had to after how he tore apart the navy. You'd showed me that you weren't up to that task either and I had to find some other way."

"How was the destruction of the navy my fault? If 100 warships couldn't put a dent in him in the avatar state, how could I have done any better?"

"Because you had him! You were more than just right there at the battle. I heard the stories! You had the Avatar bound and tied up! And that wasn't the only reason. I couldn't justify holding back against that child anymore. It was the task that I assigned to you and despite your efforts, the Avatar was still free and destroyed countless ships and even more lives! I had to bring you back and it was in the Fire Nation's best interests to have Azula take over the hunt when she wanted to!

"You failed, Zuko! That's why I told Azula to bring you back to the Fire Nation and to capture your uncle. You weren't going to be thrown in prison, just him."

"I'm still not following. Did you or did you not send Azula, after calling me a failure, to capture me and Uncle."

"Those are two different questions. Did I call you a failure? Yes. I was a little more than upset that a plan I had been banking on for three years fell through and I thought that a 16 year-old who brags about how strong he's become could handle me not sugarcoating what happened! Sorry. But, I don't think 'failure' was that harsh, considering that the news of it happened on the same day I found out that my brother was a traitor who actively went against Zhao when he had the Moon Spirit captive and the Northern Water Tribe powerless. You can say whatever you want to defend Iroh, it doesn't change what he did."

Ozai took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. "However, I didn't send for you to be locked up, only Iroh."

"But the captain of Azula's ship called both of us prisoners. And Azula herself told me that you wouldn't want me back home except to lock me up so I couldn't embarrass you."

"First off, that captain was incompetent and more than one instance will prove that if you talk to people. Second, Azula was just trying to get into your head after you started attacking her. True, s_he_ did say that. But all I said was that you were a failure and I already went over that. Third, even if Azula meant 'locked up' as in 'keeping you in the palace and never letting you go out in public' that still isn't literal imprisonment. If that happened, you would then have to wait ten years or something to get any kind of respect from people.

"Face it, Zuko. You weren't going to be put in prison. You didn't commit treason, Iroh did."

"Then how come I saw my face on wanted posters everywhere I went?"

"Because, from that point on, you were harboring someone you knew was a declared traitor. From what I heard about the day Azula came to bring you and Uncle back to the Fire Nation, she only said Iroh was considered a traitor. After you helped him, you were seen just as much a criminal as he was."

"How could you do that to your own son and brother!"

"I can't change the laws for family, Zuko! Let me ask you something, if the Earth king had a brother or son who betrayed that country or helped a declared traitor, should he change the law? Should he give special exclusions because they're family? Pick the leader of a country! Any country at all! Now say that their child, who's old enough to be considered an adult, committed treason. Should that son or daughter be exempt from punishment?"

Zuko gritted his teeth. "Ok, fine. You made your point about the law, but I don't think those other leaders would be so apathetic about declaring their children or siblings traitors."

"I had my suspicions about Iroh for some time, it actually came as no surprise. Either way, I am more practical than emotional. As I told you, heavy is the head that wears the crown, even more so during a war. Does it make me a perfect father? No. Does it make me a horrible, heartless bastard though? No."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Sorry that the laws of the land apply to you as much as the next person. But that also meant that the terms for exoneration and pardoning an individual for their crimes apply to you as well. That's why, when my plan finally worked and you returned home, not a word needed to be said about the fact that you harbored your Uncle. As far as everyone knew, you eventually aided in his capture and you, unlike him, never did any harm to Fire Nation soldiers except when you were attacked. Like when the Rough Rhino gang attacked you. Or the imperial firebenders that escorted Azula when she went to retrieve you.

"And both of those instances could be seen as cases of self-defense. You also didn't harm them anymore than you had to in order to escape."

The ex-Phoenix King let out a huff. "And didn't I treat you well when you returned to the Fire Nation? Was I in any way a bad father when you came back home?"

Zuko shook his head. "No. I suppose you were a pretty good father too me when I came home. Up until you _tried to kill me with lightning_! That's something Mother wouldn't have been able to know about!"

"So Azula might have been able to find out that your mother was dead from the slightest whisper of the guards, but if Ursa was alive, she wouldn't know who caused dual lightning burns on your corpse? Don't answer that. Just let me, once again, start from the beginning of what happened during the day of black sun:

"You remember how you came into my bunker as soon as the eclipse started and I dismissed the imperial firebenders so you could say what you wanted, right?"

"I remember."

"Do you remember what the first things you told me were?"

Zuko raised an eyebrow as he nodded. "I told you that Azula struck down Aang and that he was still alive and on his way to your bunker." He crossed his arms. "You then threatened me and told me to get out of your sight if I knew what was good for me."

Ozai groaned. "You never considered things from my point of view, did you?"

"Threatening my child? No, I didn't."

"Or how about your child didn't come in and say, 'Hey, Father, you know that vase you really liked that broke and sis and I told you the maid did it? Well, it was actually me and sis playing catch indoors.' Instead, you came in and said, 'Hey, Father, you know that supremely powerful being that's destined to defeat you and for all you know "defeat" means "kill"? You also remember how sis and I told you and the entire country that he's dead and neither you nor anyone who fights for our country has anything to worry about? Well, turns out he's not dead, we knew this the whole time, and he's on his way here at the moment you don't have firebending.'"

The ex-Phoenix King glared at his son. "I became more than a little on-edge. So sorry I wanted you out of the room so I didn't do anything I would regret. Now, keep that in mind that I ordered you out of the room. If I were some heartless bastard who only cared about his own interests, why wouldn't I punish you right then and there? I could've called the guards back in? Clearly, you were shaming me after I built up your victory. What would I have to lose from ordering your immediate imprisonment?"

The scarred teen glanced to the side. "Well,… you could've done other things."

"Like what?"

Zuko stared back at his father. "Like not say I had to obey you or it would be my last defiant breath."

"As I just said, my patience was nearly gone, I wasn't thinking too clearly, I just found out my children were lying for months about the person that everyone thought was destined to kill me. My authoritative side that I use so often kicked in. I give you my sincerest apologies that I didn't have total and complete control over my anger at that moment. Now, am I also going to hear you commenting on how I let you speak your mind when you drew your swords on me instead of calling in the guards?"

"That was…! I mean… I thought you were going to attack me! I drew my swords to keep you away!"

"You drew weapons on me and I didn't call in the guards."

"You wanted me to stay so you could kill me yourself!"

Ozai let out a long exhale and stared at his son. "Really? I suddenly went from an uncontrolled outburst where I only wanted you out of my sight to instantly planning to take satisfaction in killing you? And I waited all 8 minutes for it instead of calling in the guards and having them hold you down? That sounds like a stretch."

"It's what happened, though. Wasn't it? And I still think you could've hidden the lightning attack from mom."

"You're jumping to conclusions again. The reason I shot lightning at you was _completely_ different."

"Really?" Zuko crossed his arms. "Now _this_ should be interesting."

The powerless bender narrowed his eyes. "Since we've already gone over the purpose of the agni kai and banishment, I'll just say that I want you to think about my words again. That it was to teach you respect and that you really did learn nothing if you were only looking at the surface for the reason I put you in that arena and didn't look deeper for the purpose."

"And what about when you laughed at me when I said that the Fire Nation created an era of fear and we needed to replace it with an era of peace and kindness?"

"I was laughing at the sudden shift of mood. After I laughed, I said, 'Your Uncle's gotten to you, hasn't he?' One minute, you're dead serious, but still confused, the next minute, you're being drastically ironic."

"How was I confused or being ironic?"

"Because you didn't understand the purpose of the agni kai, the banishment, or what the Fire Nation was really doing. Then you talk the way Iroh would have wanted you to. No, let me rephrase that: you were talking the way Iroh would have manipulated you to."

The firebender grabbed the cell bars with one hand. "Uncle showed me what was really going on! He didn't manipulate me at all!"

"Oh really? Which would you like? For me to explain his manipulation or why I shot lightning at you? Like I've said, I don't want to keep jumping back and forth."

Zuko squeezed his hand around the metal bar. "Why did you shoot lightning at me?"

"Getting back on track: You were boasting about how you're going to free your uncle and then you discarded everything I tried to do for you by saying that Iroh was your 'real father.' I had to laugh at the irony in that too and joke how the only thing he really could do for you is teach you tea and how to fail. Still, you declared yourself a traitor to the Fire Nation. Announcing that you're going to free another traitor and then help the enemy of our nation is a clear statement of treason and, as we already established, you are not exempt from the law of the land."

The scarred ruler held his grip on the metal. "I've only heard of traitors being imprisoned or banished. Shot full of lightning's a new one I must've missed in the past three years."

"But a loophole wasn't new. The loophole I tried to give you was still there… Unless, of course, you think being Fire lord gives you no influence over the laws and actions of the nation."

Zuko relaxed his grip. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about what I said next and think in someone else's shoes for once! Namely, like a father who just heard his son was going to commit treason! Think like a father who failed his son once in an agni kai and would be desperate not to fail him again, no matter how practical or emotional the father was! Also, think like a father whose son is too honorable for his own good and would never just kill a person if they pleaded for him to, but might, just might kill if the person taunted the boy! Think like a father who's struggling to stay in control of his emotions after hearing all the things his son said to him at such a dangerous time!"

Ozai lunged forward as best he could. "And think like a father who went with the first and only thing he could think of that would give his son a way out! Now, tell me what you have, Zuko! TELL ME!"

The Fire lord felt his arm tremble as it slid away from the metal bar. His whole body began to shake as his eyes widened. "You… you really did want me to kill you."

"Yes…" The powerless bender slid back and sat up against the wall. "The only way you could ensure your uncle was freed, side with the Avatar, and not be legally considered a traitor is if the law allowed you to do it. I didn't have it in me to give up everything that everyone in my nation had worked for, but you did. You had to change the law and the only way you could do that is if you became Fire lord. Using your swords would do the job. With the Avatar on his way and the invasion force running around the city, a sword slash anywhere on my body could be blamed on anyone. With me dead, you'd immediately be crowned."

"But… but why? Why not just banish or imprison me?"

"Because, like I said, you didn't just lie to me, you lied to the whole country when you knew, for a fact, that the Avatar was still alive. Then, instead of saying that you were going to correct the mistake and resume hunting that boy, you declared yourself a traitor and decided to go help him."

The powerless bender glared at his son. "Tell me one more thing: If you were a random, ordinary citizen of the Fire Nation and your prince did all that, how would it make you feel? What do you think that ordinary citizen would want?"

"They… they'd feel betrayed. Betrayed in so many ways. So many, that they'd want my head on a platter. They would have thought I used them and played them like puppets for my own glory and then when it turned bad, I ran."

Ozai relaxed his gaze. "Let's just say, that's one possibility. But, if you were the Fire lord, you'd have a chance of making it out alive. You're father had just been killed, the Avatar had surprised everyone by being alive, you had no choice but to surrender. Would you have been shamed? Yes. Would people be angry at you for telling them the Avatar was dead? Yes. But you would have done the right thing for your nation at that moment by surrendering when our plan for the eclipse failed and for that you'd still be alive."

Zuko then lunged forward, clutching the bars with both hands as he stared at his father. However, as his eyes lay glued to the former Fire lord, tears began to blur his vision. "Then _why_? If you were so desperate to keep me alive, you'd throw your own life away, why shoot me with lightning? You couldn't possibly have known I knew how to redirect it! You said so yourself!"

The former ruler closed his eyes. "When I saw that you weren't going to attack me, I desperately wanted to stop you. I saw how determined you were and that nothing that I could think of could get you to stay at my side. I was panicking. The emotional turmoil you sent me through was staggering. Revealing the Avatar was alive, declaring yourself a traitor,… The only thing I could do was try to goad you harder into attacking me. That's why I lied.

"Zuko, you asked why, during the eclipse, I told you that I actually was going to kill you when Azulon ordered it. Well, it was because I wanted you to attack me. When calling you a coward and questioning your courage failed, I thought it was the death of you. But, when I threw out the question of what happened to Ursa, I remember that I smiled because it looked like it would work and you would be saved."

The new Fire lord slowly pushed himself away from the cell bars. "But, you didn't look concerned. You didn't look worried at all. You looked like you were waiting for something."

"It was all I could do to keep myself under control as much as I could. Like I said, I felt that you wouldn't kill a person who desperately pleaded for it. But if I could taunt you enough; saying I was going to follow Azulon's sick orders, saying I made your dear mother pay for your safety with banishment, one of the steepest penalties in our culture; then I could have gotten you to strike me down."

"Hold on! What about what you said right after that? That you realized that banishment is far too lenient for traitors?"

"I meant exactly that. While I spoke about the night Ursa vanished, I saw the anger on your face. You were furious with me. But, when you began to cry without making a move against me, I knew you weren't going to attack. That's when I told you why I was about to do what I was going to do. Because I didn't believe that the people of the Fire Nation would be-."

"…would be satisfied with me being banished…" The firebender let go of the cell bars and walked to the other end of the room. "For the deception they felt from their prince, there was a good chance they'd want a far steeper penalty."

"Precisely."

"But why didn't you charge me? Hope that if you came straight at me, I'd attack in self-defense?"

"I told you, I was panicking. It was all I could do to keep a straight face. I didn't have the nerve to charge at you and keep up the appearance of a threat. It was all I could do for that one moment. That single instant where I could give you a quick, painless, and honorable death.

"I thought that, one way or another, I'd have the official final say in your fate, but the people would demand blood and I'd have no real choice. I felt certain that the Fire Nation would achieve a full victory over the rebellions and I didn't want to linger over the thought of having to sign a decree or put down a stamp or tie a ribbon or whatever would give your executioner their order. I didn't want you being held in a prison cell, counting down the days to your death. I didn't want any of that to happen so I did the best, worst thing for both of us. I mustered everything I had and pushed everything out of my mind for that one clear, crisp moment where I could give you a glorious death at the hands of my greatest attack. Honor was always the most important thing to you, it was the only thing left that I could do."

Zuko could feel his body becoming cold as he clutched his head, burying his hands in his palms. However, his head suddenly perked up and he turned around. "You didn't have to worry about me being executed. If you could've just delayed the date somehow, claim that you were waiting for a special moment, that woud have given Mother enough time to know what was going on and take action. She could've broken me out."

Ozai nodded. "That's why I hate what I did more than I should. If I weren't panicking, if I had thought clearly, I would have realized that and let you walk out. You were stronger and more skilled than I thought you'd become. Even though there was a risk you'd be killed while our forces searched for the Avatar, I could have given an order or offered a vast reward for you to be brought in alive under the guise of wanting you to answer for your crimes. However, it was a split-second decision and my only solace is that you survived my attack."

Zuko folded his hands behind his back. "I don't think so."

"What? Haven't I justified everything I've done to you? Haven't I proven that Ursa was ok with all of it? Surely, in six years, someone with her intelligence could've done something against me. Especially if she heard I scarred and banished you for a selfish reason. Unless you think that your dear mother stopped caring that much about you and decided not to risk a hair of whatever new life she found, you have to admit she was ok with it."

"No, I don't. Because there's one last possibility when it comes to my mother."

"You think she remarried and didn't have the heart to risk her new family?"

"No. She could've gotten them to lay low or she could have faked a questionable death that she could return from later with a plausible excuse."

The powerless bender raised an eyebrow. "Then what else could it be? If I were a heartless bastard and I injured her critically or killed her, I would have told you that during the eclipse to try to draw you into staying so I could kill you. After all, even if I had rehearsed the story I told you, seeing you tear up over the possibility that she was alive would instantly make me think to tell you the truth about how much I hurt her or lie about it."

"But there's still the possibility that you just didn't think about what mom would do. You said it yourself that you were in a panic."

"Then how do you explain the fact that Ursa has not returned despite definitely being able to know everything I've done?"

"Because the intelligence you spoke of!"

Ozai's face contorted as his eyebrow went higher. "Care to elaborate?"

"Certainly. If Mother was as smart, insightful, and cunning as you claim, then at least as soon as you began to drastically change from the loving father who took his family to Ember Island and into a cold-hearted bastard who wanted nothing but personal gain and power, she would have begun planning for the possibility you'd hurt me or Azula in order to gain power. She'd realize how physically strong you were and that the best way to control you would be to offer that power you wanted. In other words: That plan to put you on the throne didn't suddenly spring into her head, get planned, executed, and followed through with in just 8 hours; it was something that took her years and years of hard thinking that was driven by the love for her children. She was always prepared to use that plan."

The ex-Phoenix King shifted his eyes towards the ceiling as he let out a 'Hmmm…' A moment later, his gaze turned back towards his son. "That certainly is an interesting theory, Zuko. However, you're still falling short."

"And how so?"

"First of all, if she'd been planning for so long, clearly the plan she used wasn't the only one she would have had. Even with all the insight in the world, she couldn't have predicted the exact time and place that she'd need to execute one of her plans."

Zuko continued to stare at his father. "I never thought so for a moment. After all, leaving me and Azula with you wouldn't have been among her top choices. The plan she used was most likely the only one out of the many she had that she could make work in such a short time and without any clear warning that the need was coming."

The former ruler of the Fire Nation nodded. "Second, since, according to your theory, the plan she chose didn't involve killing me, which also could have stopped me, it wasn't the best plan she could have come up with in the years and years she was planning. After all, killing is obviously not something she's incapable of."

"Agreed. So how's my theory falling short?"

"Isn't it obvious? If right was between a few weeks and a few months after her banishment, your theory would hold. Since she couldn't possibly plan on the exact location she would have been banished to, she would need time to gather resources and weigh her options on what she could do if I ever displayed any signs of hostility towards you or your sister. However, it's been six years. And in the past three, she would have been 'driven by her love and need to protect her children' into making more plans that she could use."

"But if you put too many guards around her and kept her locked up, she wouldn't be as capable as someone who could make that plan in just 8 hours. Also, you could've had her constantly moved from one place to another."

"You're overestimating the guards I'd have to watch her. We aren't the spirits. Our jailers are mortal. Look at the ones we had stationed at the Boiling Rock. Look at the only two that were watching your Uncle. Are they decent prison guards? Yes. Would they be capable of controlling someone like your dear mother? No. Not for such a long time no matter which description of her is correct.

"And constantly moving her would take even more effort. With her always on the move, she'd always have a chance to call out for help from a random passer-by. No matter how much security we have around her, the variables of terrain and wild animals would also work too much to her advantage."

The firebender raised a lone finger. "Then there's one last possibility. If those variables can work in her favor, they could work against her too. She may have tried to come back by using whatever level of cunning she had. However, the plan failed due to a random event she couldn't have accounted for or a well-placed guard tower spotting her on a fluke. Either way, she failed."

"If that were so, then, again, why didn't I tell you that during the eclipse? Face it, Zuko, if I'm right about me, then everything I'm saying is the truth. If your heartless bastard-theory about me is right, then I would have told you about the worst things I did to your dear mother while trying to stall you so I could kill you. Even if some random event happened to her and I, for some reason, never knew about it, why didn't I say anything in the bunker when you began to cry?

"Do you see, Zuko? If I knew she was dead, why didn't I say so? If I didn't know she was dead, I either would have lied or I would still be under the fear of her return."

The new Fire lord rubbed his chin. "Unless mother had died recently. Too recently for you to have practiced a suitable lie if Azula should question you. If mom would need several years to put down plans instead of 8 hours or less, that moment could have been the time she picked to return after hearing about me being burned and banished. After all, finally hearing the story of what happened to me, planning how to sneak into the entire Fire Nation, and how to deal with you would all take a lot of time and might have relied on a bit of luck."

Zuko once more shifted his hands behind his back. "And if mother had been killed recently when her plan failed, maybe while Azula and I were both in the Earth Kingdom, you'd have enough time to cover up what happened, but not enough time to practice lying about it."

"Four problems with that, Zuko. First, I'm still running the risk of you or the guards letting that slip to Azula. Second, that still says I had your best interests in mind for everything else I've done for you leading up to shooting lightning at you because I wouldn't know of her impending return and would have been fearful of it. Third, if I was so worried about Azula, why not have the guards run out and hold you down until the eclipse ended? Was I so afraid of a battle against your sister that I wouldn't risk saying that your mother had died but not so afraid that my hubris could stop me from ensuring you died in the bunker if it meant asking for help and avoided mentioning my wife's fate at all? Fourth, I still could have killed all the guards."

"Well, maybe you were planning ahead. You saw I was going to stay long enough for the eclipse to pass so you held onto the fact that you hurt her or killed her in case you were dethroned and imprissoned."

The ex-Phoenix King simply stared at his son. "So your new theory is: In a desperate attempt to keep you in the bunker until the eclipse ended, I came up with this plan that thought 100 steps ahead, but didn't incorporate that level of cunning into my fight with the Avatar and used lightning against him? lightning that I should have known he'd know how to redirect since you redirected it and were going to teach him firebending? Also that I didn't think to use lightning when he was hiding himself in that rock ball? Or to use lightning when he was in the avatar state and I thought I was at the end of my rope? Is that what your new theory is?"

Zuko shook his head. "No. Because that's not my entire theory. There's one last problem with all your theories about how mother and about how you'd react to everything based on what she would do."

"And that problem is…?"

"They're all based on people acting in the most perfectly logical way at any given moment. But in truth, people screw up. Laziness, random events, forgetfulness, or just errors in judgment. They all cause people to not act in the best manner possible and in your theories, it's like those things don't exist."

"Zuko, Ursa hasn't been gone for just one or two moments. She's been gone for-."

"Six years! Yes, I know. But that doesn't change the fact something could have happened to her that no one saw coming. An illness. A thief who tried to mug her and killed her by accident. Or she tried to sneak back into the Fire Nation, but a lucky guard spotted her and attacked without her knowing."

"We've been over this. Why didn't I say she was killed because of the banishment when you were trying to leave during the eclipse? That surely would have made you stay."

"But maybe you goofed. Maybe the thought of mentioning her death to me slipped your mind. Maybe at any point since she's been gone; the agni kai, the eclipse, any moment; you forgot about the consequences of what she'd do and were just able to spin the truth so she would buy it. I want you to give me more proof. I want to hear proof only about you. Forget mother. I want you to explain how actions you have or haven't done prove that you aren't a heartless, manipulative, power-hungry bastard."

"What about the way I treated you after you returned from your banishment? I complimented you, praised you, welcomed you home, I even delayed the most important war meeting of my life until you arrived."

"You were using me as a tool. I was the hero of the nation so you wanted me to think highly of you to make yourself look good."

"That doesn't say why I would hold off the war meeting. Or why, in the war meeting, I deferred to you for your input on General Shinu's plan. You were a national hero. I would be perfectly justified holding you to higher standards and not waiting for you to start the war meeting."

"Well… Ok. But then that could prove that you aren't willing to love someone unless they show that they can help you."

"So your new theory is: I'm a manipulative bastard, who is capable of love, but only for those who are useful to me?"

"Yes."

"Then I would definitely work to keep your mother safe, wouldn't I? She certainly showed me that she was useful and staying in contact with someone that cunning, whether it took her years to come up with that plan or less than a few hours, would certainly be beneficial. And it's a long enough time span to be more than an illogical moment or two."

"But it's also suggesting that the only reason you ever were nice to me at all was because it was something she asked for. Not because you wanted to."

"But either way, I'm nice to you."

"Well… yes…"

"And would she be ok with me burning half of your face just for the sake of being cruel, but draw the line at making you blind? Was that why I didn't go too far with it?"

"Well… She would have… You maybe could've justified it to her the same way you justified it to me."

"But I would need her to fall for it if that were true and she's too cunning one way or the other. Now, let me ask you something. You keep claiming that I might be manipulative and lying, right?"

"Yes!"

"Other than me lying to try to get you to kill me, and if I'm a heartless bastard, that was me telling the truth, can you name _one_ time I lied to or manipulated you or your sister?"

The new Fire lord scoffed. "Of course I can! There was the time that you…" He gritted his teeth. "Well, when you…"

"I'm not asking you for the worst or the dirtiest. In all your memories of me and everything in your life, give me: Just. One. Time."

Zuko's eyes widened as he let his arm fall to the side of his body. He then lowered himself to the ground and sat on the stone floor. "No. I can't actually think of a time that you did. Unless telling me you were going to kill me was a lie. But then, that makes you a good father. If you were a heartless bastard, I can't think of one time when you lied to me or tried to manipulate me." He let out a small sigh. "You actually did justify and explain everything you've ever done to me."

"I prefer the term 'done for you' rather than 'done to you.'"

The scarred ruler weakly nodded. "Still, why did you make those threats and insults to Aang when you were fighting him?"

"What? You mean 'he and his people were weak' and 'the universe delivers the avatar to me in an act of providence'?"

"Yeah?"

"Those were just taunts I made to an enemy to get inside his head."

"He was just a child."

"I thought he was there to kill me and he isn't exactly a push-over."

The new Fire lord sat up straight. "Tell me one more thing."

"I thought you only wanted to know about your mother?"

"And I let you explain everything. From me to you, can I ask you one more thing?"

The ex-Phoenix King let out a small huff. "Sure. I'm not going anywhere."

"Why did you want to use Sozin's Comet to massacre the people of the Earth Kingdom? Surely, genocide was-."

"Hold on a minute!" Ozai glared at his son with widened eyes. "Who said I was going to commit genocide?"

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "Um… You did. In the war room before the eclipse. Remember the whole 'Sozin used the comet to wipe out the Air Nomads, I'll use it to wipe out the Earth Kingdom, _permanently_'?"

"I never said I was going to wipe out the Earth Kingdom! I said I was going to _end_ the Earth Kingdom. 'End' as in, bring it to its conclusion, not 'end' as in, destroy everyone associated with it. Why would I even do something like that? We still had troops in Ba Sing Se and they certainly weren't killing all the residence. I didn't hear of any piles of burnt skeletons."

"But you made a huge boast about how you were going to rain fire down and putting an end to the rebellions."

"Yes. But think about how long the comet lasted. Maybe 12 hours went by before it left the atmosphere. Now, don't you think I would have known that? With the precision that we had in planning for its arrival, don't you think we knew how long it would have lasted? We couldn't possibly have had the time to blanket the entire Earth Kingdom at the speed we were going. No matter which coast we started from, we never would have made it to Ba Sing Se before the comet left the atmosphere.

The scarred ruler stared at his father. "Then what was the point of using the comet on the Earth Kingdom at all?"

"It was a scare tactic. We were going to torch a huge chunk of the Earth Kingdom, go to Ba Sing Se, make a grand show of firebending from our near-untouchable airships long after the comet passed, and terrify the people of the Earth Kingdom into submitting to us. Think about what their reaction would've been. Ba Sing Se, the last stronghold against us had fallen. Now, the sky turns blood red. It's the return of the comet that they feared. Some time passes and the horizon returns to normal. They think it's over. But, suddenly, flying warships soar over the sky. Then all of them together make a huge show of firebending in the air. Would it be as strong as it would with the comet still there? No. But with myself and a legion of elite firebenders, it would be hard for them to tell.

"In the weeks to come, the rumors and stories about what happened would spread throughout the kingdom. And mixed in with them would be reports of how we put miles of the coast ablaze. Then, with our airships looming over the Earth Kingdom, any rebellions would lose all of their hope. And that is what I was trying to do: destroy their hope."

Zuko's eyes widened. "But it sounded so much like you wanted to commit genocide."

"_Genocide_? We don't do that anymore, Zuko. And why would you think that? I specifically said, 'a new world will be born, a world in which all _lands_ are Fire Nation.' I didn't say, 'a new world will be born, a world in which the only _peoples_ are Fire Nation.'"

"What about Azula? I heard from some of the soldiers that when you were planning to leave for the Earth Kingdom, she complained that it was 'her idea to burn everything to the ground.'"

"And where, in that sentence, do you hear anyone talking about killing people?"

"Well, I thought it was pretty obvious that when she said 'everything,' that people were going to die too."

"Obviously you were mistaken. The Earth Kingdom has coastal towns and cities. I'm sure you saw a few of them when you were banished. I know you saw one because you told me about the time you teamed up with pirates to hunt down a waterbending scroll and the Avatar. So, if the place we're trying to burn and kill everything in has cities and villages close to the sea, why did we pick a spot that had nothing? And I'm not exaggerating. After the forest on the shore, there was a long, long stretch of just stone pillars.

"We have maps of the Earth Kingdom, Zuko. There was a really big one in my war room! So, if we could time the comet's arrival, even to within a day, why couldn't we get our airships closer to inhabited areas if we wanted to kill everyone in the Earth Kingdom? Especially with how little time we had?"

"Well, you could've always miss-guessed. You could've thought that the comet would've spent more time in the atmosphere than it did."

Ozai's face contorted. "You actually think that, with the comet coming around every 100 years, we wouldn't know how long it'd last? And even if that were the case, why would we waste so much time and energy starting with a place that was pretty much a barren landscape already? If you have any other explanation than mine, I'd love to hear it. But nothing, _nothing_ makes sense about why we started from that spot other than that we just wanted to create a scare tactic."

"Then why, when I talked to some people who were on your airship, did they say you had a pretty sadistic look on your face when you were torching the trees."

"My father was a bastard, my brother's a scumbag, I hadn't actually seen my wife in years, my children had both lied to me about the Avatar, and my son specifically was a traitor. There was a lot I needed to vent out of my system and the catharsis helped."

The former ruler of the Fire Nation let out a huff. "Now, let me ask you something again. You said that people don't always make the most perfect, logical choice. Sometimes they make mistakes. Correct?"

Zuko nodded. "Yes. I did."

"Don't you think the opposite can be true? That there are a lot of times when people do the most logical thing, but without thinking down to the last detail. Also, consider how, when you were presented with many of my explanations, you had to dig deep and stretch everything as thin as possible to find the slightest excuse to say it's not a good explanation."

"You were the one who was trying to prove everything to me! I'm not allowed to look for flaws in your story?"

"That wasn't the question, Zuko. If you're going to be a ruler, you need to know that most people don't think every tiny detail all the way through. You need to use that and consider that when you hear people explain themselves. As for your question, yes, you are allowed to look for the tiniest of details. And were there any that proved me wrong?"

The new Fire lord slowly stood up. "No… No, everything fits." He grasped his head. "It's so hard for me to believe."

"I'm not surprised. Like I said, for so long, you've had the wool pulled over your eyes."

"Yeah… It's strange, though."

"What is?"

"That Azula could turn out to be such a horrible human being when you weren't that bad of a person. I guess she must have seen what I saw."

"Hold on! Why do you think your sister is a bad person?"

* * *

><p><strong>AZULA<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko scoffed. "Are you kidding me?"<p>

Ozai shook his head. "She's a hardworking person. She's well-rounded in her many skills. She's never shown any signs of disloyalty to her nation. She's never attacked anyone who's fought beside her, at least not before they turned on her. Sure she has an intimidating personality, but that isn't a crime. Also, when you're leading a nation in a time of war, that kind of personality helps."

"You're forgetting that she manipulates people and uses deception to win against her enemies."

"So because she uses her words and her brain before resorting to physical violence… _that_ makes her a bad person?"

The scarred ruler gritted his teeth. "Well, when you put it like that…"

"You mean like the truth?"

The firebender steeled himself. "I mean like a way that would throw me off. If she only used it against her enemies, that'd be one thing. But she manipulates and deceives everyone."

"Is that so? Now it's my turn to ask you to prove it."

"Easy. First of all, when we were younger, mother would have to-."

"Wait a minute!"

"Wait for what?"

"You started saying, 'mother would.'"

"And…?"

"_And_ if Ursa was doing anything, that would put your sister at the age of 9 at the most."

"Yeah. Scary to think that she was such a sadist at such a young age, isn't it."

"No. It's scary to think that you're still holding a grudge over what she did at such a young age."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Why shouldn't I? Look what she became!"

"Regardless of whatever she became, she was a nine year-old child. Who blames someone for anything they did at that age? No one's expected to know anything about maturity and acting right when they're that young. Ignoring that she was a princess and a prodigy firebender, she was still only nine years old and couldn't have known any better. You've seen how lenient people are with children no matter how much they misbehave and that's why! Honestly, if you're going to blame someone, other than a nine year-old, for anything they did when they were 9 years old, _you_ are the horrible person!"

The eyes of the scarred ruler relaxed slightly. "Alright, how about a few years later when she watched me get my face burned in the agni kai? Even if she somehow read your mind and knew what your snap decisions were, why did she smile when I was being put through so much pain?"

The powerless bender stared at his son. "What are you talking about? Who told you that she smiled when that happened?"

"Uncle did."

"First of all, you shouldn't believe everything Iroh tells you. Second, I vaguely remember that your uncle was standing behind Azula in the stands. _Behind_ Azula. There actually is no way he could have seen the expression on her face. He was wrong and he lied to you."

"Hold on! How do you know he lied? He could've honestly thought she smiled and if she didn't smile, what was she doing?"

"How should I know what Azula's facial expression was when I was concentrating on not burning out your eye? And Iroh's smart enough that he should have and would have known when his memory was playing tricks on him; after years of thinking about it, not just an illogical moment."

"Even if you are right, what about the day she tried to bring me and Uncle home after the North Pole? I heard that she briefed the imperial firebenders on what to do when they found us and needed to attack us. She also threatened their lives if they hesitated."

"She has an authoritative personality and she was preparing for a likely conflict. She didn't want her soldiers freezing up in the middle of the battle and just letting themselves be harmed by you and Iroh."

"And when she threatened to throw the captain overboard just for not being able to do some near-impossible navigation?"

"She can read people's body language very easily! Just like she did with that one guard at the Boiling Rock who was accused of helping a prisoner escape. She paid attention to the pitch in his voice and posture and realized that he was capable of taking the ship into harbor, but was merely taking the safer route instead of employing his skills to their full potential. And they did make it in safe and sound, didn't they?"

Zuko let out a huff. "Yes, they did. But how about when she deceived me and Uncle to get us onto her ship?"

"She was using her brains and her words before physical violence and Iroh was declared a traitor at that point."

"But I wasn't. You said so. And either way, that shows she was willing to use deception on family."

"Or that being a member of the royal family does not excuse your uncle for his crimes. He's just as accountable as any other traitor so Azula shouldn't have gone easy on him. Especially considering how strong and clever he is."

"So I was just collateral damage?"

"She's more practical than emotional. She may have figured that Iroh was too dangerous to take lightly so she opted to live with the fact that she lied to you to use you as bait for your Uncle rather than let a traitor to the Fire Nation go free. Remember, Iroh's act of treachery-."

"Saved the balance of the world!"

"…Was for his own gain and it cost the navy dearly! In ships and soldiers! One way or another, there's no reason you should be allowed to get away with treachery on that scale, even if you are a prince and a retired general."

"And yet, Azula seemed so calm when she boasted that she was lying to me."

"You were clearly going to attack her. She wanted to get into your head and unnerve you."

The scarred ruler crossed his arms. "Was trying to kill me with lightning also part of her unnerving strategy?"

"No. That was after you threw an imperial firebender into the water and started to attack her. Keep in mind, you were using your firebending on her already with, from what I heard, clearly lethal intent. And didn't she use her nails first to scratch you? Didn't that look like a warning blow that she let you recover from before you kept attacking her? What was she supposed to do after that, let you try again and again to kill her until you got lucky?"

Zuko's eyes widened as his arms dropped to his sides. "I… I never thought of that."

Ozai huffed. "Of course you didn't. You had this engraved notion from your uncle, who lied about a lot of things, that your sister is cruel to everyone and you never tried to look at any other point of view."

The firebender's eyes returned to normal. "Well there wasn't any lying from him when Ty Lee told me how Azula recruited her. Ty Lee was her friend and manipulation and scare tactics have no justification for being used against her!"

"You call what she did an actual scare tactic: Lighting the safety net on fire? Zuko, you were there at the Boiling Rock. You saw the balance Ty Lee had when she ran on the gondola cable. _Ran_ on the cable. Not crawl. Not walk slowly. Ty Lee ran on it."

The ex-Phoenix King tsked. "Back in the circus, Azula could've taken the wire Ty Lee was balancing on, cut it into pieces, shot each piece with lightning, had the ashes buried in 7 different parts of the world-,"

"I get it. I get it. But that still doesn't justify _trying_ to scare Ty Lee into helping her."

"So she had to draft her friend. She needed help bringing in her uncle, who could very well be more powerful and clever than her, and her brother, a weaker-than-her but still strong firebender. You're right. She isn't a completely pure-hearted person. However, didn't she treat Ty Lee very well after she drafted her? Didn't she treat her as a friend and allow her to join the two of you when you went to visit Ember Island? Your sister does still have a few flaws and illogical kinks to work out. But, surely you aren't worried about the way she recruited Mai."

"No. Mai told me how much she wanted to leave Omashu. But she was willing to let Mai's brother, Tom-Tom, be kept by Earth Kingdom rebels. Being more practical than emotional is one thing; being completely heartless is another."

"There's also being able to read people."

"How does that matter?"

"Zuko, you're a bad actor. The Avatar, however, might as well be carrying a large sign over his head that says exactly what he's thinking at any given moment."

"Well, yeah, that sounds like Aang. But what does that have to do with what Azula did?"

The powerless bender groaned. "Pretend, for a moment, that your sister is good at reading people. From what I was told, the Avatar looked meek and frail when she first saw him. He and his friends also looked eager to give up Tom-Tom because they didn't seem comfortable kidnapping a baby. A baby that they, in no way, appeared to have the stomach for hurting or even mistreating.

"Your sister didn't bring soldiers to ambush whoever was carrying Tom-Tom. She didn't open fire on the Avatar and his friends with Tom-Tom in the way. She allowed King Bumi to be lowered to the ground until she got a good read on all of them and, though she didn't know who he was at the moment, she could tell that the Avatar would never let any harm come to Mai's brother. Your sister could easily follow him and his friends back to wherever the Earth Kingdom citizens were hiding and then rescue Tom-Tom when the moment was right. Thus, saving her friend's brother without hindering the Fire Nation by releasing a powerful earthbending king."

The scarred ruler rubbed his chin. "It does make sense… Can you prove it?"

"I just did. If she had no interest at all in rescuing Tom-Tom, why not have soldiers ready to ambush whoever came to the hostage exchange and just roll the dice with his safety? If the soldiers in the city were too loyal to Mai's father and wouldn't do anything like that, why not shoot the Avatar as soon as she saw him, even in the disguise? She did attack, yes. But when she did, the Avatar was away from Tom-Tom and she used so much control that even the wooden platform she was on didn't catch fire. It's obvious she knew that Tom-Tom wouldn't be harmed. Why did she wait for King Bumi to be lowered before saying anything?"

Ozai watched his son cease rubbing his chin and clutch hand into a fist. "Are you convinced now? She's a good person and a good sister."

"No! She isn't! When she was hunting Aang, which would've kept me from coming home, I followed her into an abandoned town. While we were there, she, Aang, and I had a standoff. She could've fired on Aang, but instead she fired at me _before_ I fired on her."

"Once again: First of all, the Avatar was an enemy of our nation. She was helping the war effort by catching him. Second, you were an established traitor at that point. She owed you nothing. Third, from what she told me, you showed up and declared that you were going to fight her. Fourth, again from what she told me, the Avatar was exhausted and sleep-deprived. You were the more dangerous threat to her."

"But I'm her brother!"

"And she's your sister! That fact didn't stop you when you attacked her first back on the day she tried to bring you and Iroh back to the Fire Nation."

"Well at least I wouldn't have smiled as I shot Uncle in the chest like she did."

"Iroh. Was. A traitor. And he was helping you, the Avatar, and the Avatar's friends take her down. Is she supposed to be ok with her uncle attacking her and not fight back?"

"He hadn't attacked her."

"Was Azula wrong when she told me that you and he were in fighting stances and standing side-by-side with the Avatar and his friends?"

"I was…! She…!" Zuko let out a long breath. "Is someone using self-defense when they are being attacked or when they only think they're going to be attacked? Because, back on the day Azula tried to take me and Uncle home, I had good reason to think that I was going to be attacked!"

"Yes, Zuko, you did. And it was justification for your actions. Don't you think that weighed into people's minds when you returned to the Fire Nation? Now, did you and Iroh surround Azula along with the Avatar and his friends?"

The Fire lord slowly lowered his head. "Yes. She was cornered and surrounded and Uncle and I were poised to attack."

"And I'm sure she told you about what happened when she tried to drill her way into Ba Sing Se, when she tried to capture the Avatar's bison, and what she did as soon as she snuck into Ba Sing Se while wearing the disguise of the Kyoshi warriors. Anything you'd like to talk about regarding those events?"

The firebender shook his head. "No. That was all just her fighting against the enemy. But what I am certain about is when she captured me and tried to capture Uncle in Ba Sing Se."

"How many times to I have to repeat this? You and Iroh were traitors."

"No, that's not it. When she had me imprisoned in the catacombs under the city, she manipulated me into betraying Uncle. Doesn't it sound wrong to deceive someone into betraying family that had helped them so much? Especially when the person you're deceiving is your brother?"

"Deception? What deception are you talking about? When she told be the truth about what happened, it sounded like she recognized that the Avatar was a much greater threat to the Fire Nation than you. You, who hadn't done anything to hinder us. So she gave you the chance to prove you aren't actually a traitor to the Fire Nation. And, as I recall her saying, she gave you the option to choose for yourself. There was no trickery there!"

"What about how she claimed I would finally have my honor and your love, which implies quite a few things about you again?"

"What it also could have implied is that either she also misinterpreted what I did or she knew that you had. Either way, it's clear that she knew your perception of my feelings about you."

"And my honor?"

"On the chance that she misinterpreted what I had done, she knew what would reach you."

"That sounds like manipulation."

"Only if she misinterpreted what I did. Either way, it wasn't deception she didn't deceive you. She told you that if you helped her, she would make sure your banishment was lifted and your honor was restored. And didn't that happen after you helped her? You can correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like she gave you a straight-forward deal in which she held up her end of the bargain."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "Yes, it did seem like that. Until she told you I had killed the Avatar so that she'd be safe if he was alive."

Ozai stared back at his son. "I asked her about that after the eclipse. Do you know what she told me?"

"What did she tell you?"

"She told me that you lied to her. You told her that there was no chance that the Avatar survived, but it was clear that you knew of the possibility. Clearly, _you_ were letting her take the credit for killing the Avatar when _you_ knew he could still be alive. You could've told her the truth, but you didn't."

The scarred ruler glanced to the side. "Well… what about all the times she insulted me while I was home?"

"She's your little sibling and they were small quips. Do you think that you're the only person who's had to take a few verbal slings from a sibling? From what I've heard, the Avatar's Water Tribe friends mocked one another too. But, while we're on the subject, she told me of an awful lot of things she did that were signs of being a good, caring sibling."

"Like what?"

"Like keeping your visits to Iroh a secret. Like answering your questions about Sozin. Like talking to you and spending time with you when you were on Ember Island."

The Fire lord smirked as he forced a laugh. "Oh, yes, Ember Island. Where Azula confessed that mom was right to think she was a monster."

The ex-Phoenix King rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, self-perceptions. Because everyone knows that the way you view yourself is always perfectly accurate. I'm sure neither you, the Avatar, or any of your new friends have ever had a self-perception that was incorrect."

"Well, none of us torched that Chen kids's house on Ember Island!"

"Actually, you did."

"Er… Um… Well… What how she tortured Suki? You know, her 'favorite prisoner'? She bragged about it to Sokka during the eclipse."

"Really? And this Suki girl, when you saw her again, was there any point where you were able to see enough of her body to account for scarring, bruising and burning? You were hiding out at our old beach house, if the rumors I've heard in here are correct. Surely she was in a bathing suit at some point. Did she have scars on her? Or do you think Azula was referring to psychological torture? Was that Suki girl acting like she had been tormented? Or maybe Azula lied to an enemy to get inside his head and distract him?"

Zuko gritted his teeth. "No… There were no scars and she was acting normal." He then relaxed his jaw. "But about when she attacked me at the Boiling Rock? Or afterwards when she found me and Aang at the Western Air Temple?"

"You were a declared traitor again. This time, there was no mistaking it. You were actively working to hinder the Fire Nation."

"And what about Mai and Ty Lee? They told me about what happened at the Boiling Rock."

"Did they tell you that Mai pulled out a blade first? Yes, she had every right to think she was in danger, because she helped a traitor and would be considered a traitor herself, but she still pulled out a knife before your sister looked ready to firebend. Ty Lee then attacked her."

The scarred ruler's eyes widened. "But they were her friends!"

"So she should've let herself be killed by Mai because they were friends? Or should she have pardoned their treason because they were her friends? Should the Earth king have pardoned Long Feng because they were friends?"

"Long Feng wasn't a real friend of the Earth king. He was manipulating the king from the start!"

"Ok, then say someone else who was the Earth king's friend betrayed him to the Fire Nation. Or pick any world leader at any point in time and say that their friend betrayed the country and helped convicted traitors and prisoners escape. Should they be pardoned just because they're friends with that leader or a member of the leader's family?"

"No…" Zuko sighed. "No, they shouldn't be."

The new Fire lord then perked up. "But… People also shouldn't casually talk about destroying people's hope. Even if she also meant just destroying the land and not the people, it's still sick for a 14 year old or anyone to think that way."

"First of all, if you remember the way she was sitting and acting in the war meeting, you could easily guess that she was rather jealous of all the attention and favor you were getting."

"So?"

"So combine that with the way she talked about burning their hope to the ground and you could see that maybe, just maybe, she wanted some attention on herself. Do you remember that she didn't smile until I said it was a good idea. Second, I was the one who came up with the idea to use the comet to create a scare tactic. She just dropped a suggestion in my head."

The scarred ruler narrowed his eyes. "And when she was going insane and laughing as she was trying to kill me in the agni kai arena? That was a lot more than just me being a traitor and Katara being an enemy! Was that just her dropping another suggestion?"

"No! I heard all about what happened to my daughter from the sages who've visited me! If anything, her going insane _proves_ she was never actually sociopathic! From what I know about what defines a sociopath, it's someone who truly only cares about themselves and uses relationships with others only as tools to get what they want."

"That sounds kind of like her."

"Oh, really, Zuko? Despite everything I just explained it still sounds like her? Because it sounds to me like she put her earnest trust and faith into you, Mai, and Ty Lee. It sounds like she wanted to be actual friends with the three of you and let herself be just a little flawed in a world where she thought she had to be perfect and tactical every step of the way. For who knows how long, Ty Lee was with her circus and Mai had left with her father. You were banished so she had no one except people who expected flawlessness from her! And I'm ashamed, but I can see how I encouraged that very attitude.

"But that changes nothing. I said already that I'd rather give my children a rough childhood than only a childhood. Besides, when she had her friends and her brother back, it sure seemed like everything was going well for her. Then you left despite everything she did for you and without giving her any goodbye. Then her close friends attacked and betrayed her. Is it any wonder she slipped and thought that fear was the only reliable way to control people?

"And when you showed up on the day of the comet, boasting your challenge to her for the throne…! Well, how was she supposed to take it?"

Zuko lowered his head and clutched his forehead. "It would've driven her insane. Made her lose whatever she had left of her mind." He slowly rubbed his brow. "I can't believe it."

"Do you see now that your sister and I aren't bad people."

The firebender raised his head. "I never would've guessed that my family was just all decent people." A small smile crept onto his face. "I guess my whole family always did care about me."

Ozai scoffed. "'Your whole family'? Haven't you been listening? Iroh has been manipulating you and lying to you!"

"What? No!" Zuko's smile dropped. "He probably just thought like I did about everything you've done! Sure he's insightful, but seeing the truth about you and Azula is asking too much!"

"Regardless of what he thought about me, your uncle is power hungry and wanted to control the world no matter what!"

* * *

><p><strong>IROH<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko's eyes widened as his hand froze. "You have <em>got <em>to be kidding me! No… No. Uncle has been working to end the Fire Nation's takeover of the world for years now. And, technically, it wasn't treachery because he believed the balance was best for everyone."

"Don't be fooled by attitudes. You were wrong about me and your sister because of our authoritarian and aggressive attitudes. Being confused by a kind attitude is just as possible. Iroh is proof of that. Consider this: He wanted the whole world to be ruled by himself and his lineage and was close. You know your uncle is no fool. He knew that, even if the Fire Nation won the war and he took the throne, he would not live to see the day when rebellions stopped and the world accepted our country's authority.

"However, because Lu Ten died and his bloodline ended, he needed to find another way. He journeyed to the Spirit World somehow in hopes of bringing his son back to life and, while there, discovered that there was no spirit of an avatar passed Roku. Thus, he learned that the airbending avatar was still alive. Returning to the physical world and discovering that I had taken the throne in his absence, he formulated a win-win strategy in which he would play both sides of the war.

"I don't know whether he joined that White Lotus organization or started the whole thing himself. Either way, the White Lotus gave him a way to say he was against the Fire Nation if the Avatar was able to defeat us. If the Fire Nation lost, Iroh's connection to them would allow him to jump on the winning side officially before any critical moment so he could be given a place of power. If the Fire Nation won, he'd at least still be a respected prince."

The new Fire lord held out his arms. "Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! How could you _possibly_ know any of that?"

"You're about to find out that it's the explanation that makes sense out of the things he's done. And I'm not talking about one or two moments of illogical behavior."

"And it'll be the _only _explanation?" Zuko crossed his arms. "There's no chance that this is just a mistake that you made by not looking close enough at the details?"

"You're free to question my reasoning if you wish."

"Of course I will! And I'll start by asking where this 'place of power' is now? He runs a tea shop, not an embassy."

"Not all power is thrones and armies. With Lu Ten gone, he had to think of a much quicker way to get power, since his own bloodline was over and he wouldn't live long enough to see the subduing of all resistance. That new source of power came with more security and secrecy, but at the price of direct control. Think about where that tea shop is: The Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se. Through his connections to the Avatar, his status in the White Lotus, and his projected role during the liberation of the city, he's in perfect position to 'suggest' to the horribly naïve Earth king on his policies."

"Even if you're right, how is that the entire world?"

"Because the moment he gets word in his tea shop, which would cater to high-profile people and that includes the king and his ministers as well as people who know them, that you are in the process of making an important enough decision, he can send messenger hawks to you or pop in for a 'surprise' visit. From there, it's another simple matter of 'suggesting' what you should do."

"But wouldn't I catch onto it? Even if the Earth king and his advisors didn't, I'm not stupid. Him showing up every time I'm making some important decision."

"I said 'important enough.' I think he's smart enough to pick his battles. Also, you may not be stupid, but you have too big of a heart for your own good when it comes to your Uncle. Would you really be able to shoo him away or tell him not to bother you at such a time when you are under stress? I think not. I think that by the time you even began to suspect that the visits are anything but advice, he'd already have influenced you too much."

"This sounds like something you pulled together out of thin air! He wouldn't do anything like that."

"Oh, but he would. After all, if he were against the Fire Nation, why not give our tactics and plans away to enemy forces? Sure he couldn't give them all away without arousing suspicion. But certainly, between the years of his return from Ba Sing Se and when he started traveling with you, he could have given details of our defenses to someone in the White Lotus who could make use of it in the Earth Kingdom. Whether Iroh could coordinate with them beyond that or not, they could still have used it to invade us."

The scarred ruler shrugged. "Maybe they tried and failed. I wasn't allowed in the war room back then. I didn't know everything that went on. Besides, he didn't want to actually betray the Fire Nation. He told Zhao he's no traitor. He was probably conflicted."

"Or he didn't want either side to be able to prove he was against them and with the other side."

"I'm still waiting to here a good reason for this."

"You need to listen to the whole thing. Iroh is much shrewder than your sister. I didn't even see his intent until after I had him imprisoned after you and Azula conquered Ba Sing Se and I heard all the stories about him."

The new Fire lord crossed his arms once more as he leaned against a wall. "Alright. Let's hear it."

"Gladly. Let me ask you, by being Iroh's private student for three years, don't you think you should have been much better at firebending than you were when you began facing the Avatar?"

"It could have had something to do with Uncle wanting to teach me the true nature of firebending instead of the one fueled by anger and aggression."

"Zuko, it was three years. If you just practiced punches on your own for that long, you would have been better than you were. Regardless of whether it was the right way or not."

"So what do you think the reason was?"

"The reason was that he wanted you to not be a creditable threat, but rather an annoyance, to the Avatar if you found him or her. Someone that would give him a reason to constantly be around the Avatar, but not someone that such a person descended from pacifists would not take the effort to kill on even the worst day of his or her life. And no, it wouldn't matter how strong of a bender the Avatar would have been."

"If that was why, how come Uncle helped me shoot a fire ball at Aang and his friends when they were fleeing my ship at the South Pole?"

"From what I heard, that attack wasn't moving that fast and could have been easily dogged."

"I'll actually agree with that, since he wouldn't have wanted to hurt Aang. But I don't believe that he used me just so I would hang around the Aang. He wouldn't have even know Aang was still be a kid."

"I never said he would. But once he saw the Avatar was still a child, he figured you might actually be a threat to the boy. So he needed someone else for the Avatar to see an even bigger threat. Can you think of any other reason he was so casual about talking about the Avatar as you two entered Zhao's harbor? Or why he would 'encourage you' to accept Zhao's hospitality for tea to give him the chance to discover that the Avatar was still alive?"

Zuko shrugged. "The first could have been an illogical slip-up and the second was just him trying to make me be polite."

"There are illogical slip-ups and there're actions that you try to play off as mistakes. If that were a normal soldier, I'd see how that could be a slip-up. But with someone like your uncle? When you'd just told him to keep quiet because you didn't want anyone to know you'd found the Avatar?"

"He also may have thought no one could hear him."

"Why would he take that chance? He wanted someone to hear him and go after the Avatar in a more serious and brutal way. When Zhao made his presence known, he was the perfect candidate for someone else to chase after the Avatar."

"But, I still don't get it, even if you're right, wouldn't he be risking too much by having someone he couldn't control chase after Aang and his friends? It would be much safer to have just me doing it."

Ozai smiled. "You just answered your own question, Zuko. If he were on the Avatar's side, he'd want you to be the only one chasing the boy. Especially after he found out he was so young. But actively insisting you accept Zhao's hospitality? That's not an illogical slip-up. That's something he would've had to think about."

"So you think he wanted me to keep pursuing Aang, but didn't want me to be Aang's biggest threat?"

"Precisely. That way, when the Avatar would think of horrible people, he would think of Zhao and anyone he was associated with instead of you and everyone you were associated with."

"Which included Uncle, himself."

"Yes."

"Because he was playing both sides of the war?"

"Yes. As I said, if the Fire Nation won, he'd at least still be a respected prince. If the Fire Nation lost, Iroh's connection to the White Lotus would allow him to jump on the winning side officially before any critical moment so he could be given a place of power."

"But you said it yourself that every ranking officer would work to capture Aang. What made Zhao so special?"

"Nothing really. He was just more ambitious than others and was there at the right moment. Like I said, he just needed someone to play the role of a bigger threat."

"Hmmm… Still, wouldn't Uncle see the risk of not doing anything to help me catch Aang? Making no motion to actually help me would make people suspicious if the Fire Nation won."

"Suspicious, perhaps. But with the bits of advice he gave you along the way, no one would be able to prove anything. And with enough of a reputation to fall back on, he'd be safe. Also, by not taking any real action against the Avatar, no one could say he wasn't being an under-cover agent for the White Lotus."

The firebender raised an eyebrow. "Don't you remember? We just talked about the fireball he helped me shoot."

"And as I said, I heard, that fireball was launched from quite a distance away and when the Avatar's back was turned. There's no way he could've known for sure who helped you launch it."

"What if I told Aang who helped me? If he's going to plan ahead so much, wouldn't he figure 'my nephew might tell this story to the Avatar'?"

"It could be an illogical slip-up on his part. Or he could write it off as nothing, citing how slow it was moving."

Ozai then scowled. "Now I want you to think back about what your uncle told you about your agni kai with me. And seriously think about it. Remember, he had three years to go over this in his head. Three years to realize he may have made a mistake when he told you the story and three years to get over the embarrassment of telling you the wrong thing.

"How did he honestly, honestly know that Zhao, who was behind him, and Azula, who was in front of him, smiled when I burned your face?"

The scarred ruler put his hand up to his burned flesh and sighed. "Couldn't he have been too ashamed to admit that he was wrong? I mean, the fact that he didn't interfere when he thought about what you were going to do and why? He wouldn't have wanted to think about that day at all, much less analyze it."

"So you think he just shut the day out of his mind? It bothered him so much, he didn't want it to haunt him? He didn't think about it any time he saw your scar? Well then, I must say that he certainly has one very skilled memory, because the crewmen on your ship who he told the story of your agni kai to claim he gave it spot-on and never stuttered once! That doesn't sound like a suppressed memory to me."

Zuko kept his hand on his scar and his eyes on the ground. "No. It doesn't."

Just then, the firebender raised his head and smiled. "But then something doesn't add up!"

"What's that?"

"Why would Uncle tell me Zhao smiled along with Azula? If you're right, I could see why he would want to alienate me from you and her, but he couldn't have predicted that Aang was still a child. Why would he need me to hate Zhao? Saying that he even factored in the possibility that the Avatar could still be a kid is saying he has a level of foresight that's... well, beyond what words can describe."

"Or he simply wanted you to have an enemy outside the family. Someone to drive you away from the Fire Nation in general when he was ready to have you side with the Avatar. That is not too great of a level of foresight."

"But how did Zhao fit in so well?"

The powerless bender shrugged. "If you're believing in flukes and random variables, coincidences exist too."

The current Fire lord shook his head. "I'm not buying that."

"Then answer the question yourself. According to your old crew, Iroh's story is that his eyes were glued to you and me until I burned you. At that point, Azula and Zhao smiled. A moment later, he closed his eyes and turned his head while his eyes were still closed. So when did he see it? You can doubt coincidences. You can doubt my theory about wanting you to hate all of the Fire Nation. But what is your explanation?"

"Maybe Uncle opened his eyes after my screaming stopped and saw Zhao smiling and thought he saw Azula smiling because of the position of her muscles from the side of her face. It was a high-stress situation, it could have happened that he made an honest mistake."

"Even if Zhao was stupid enough to smile at his prince's suffering while only being a captain at best and apparently in the same area of the stands as the royal family and members of my war council, why would Iroh then want you to show him your respects when he invited you for tea? Put yourself in his shoes. If you cared about your nephew and you saw someone else smiling as your nephew was being burned, regardless of the reason for it, would you want your nephew anywhere close that other person longer than absolutely and totally necessary?"

The scarred ruler dropped his smile and gritted his teeth. "No... No I wouldn't… Unless... It was to keep your friends close and your enemies even closer?"

Zuko watched his father narrow his eyes. He then let out a sigh. "So, what's 'first of all'?"

"First of all, if that's such an important philosophy to him, why have I never heard of your uncle employing that tactic at any other time or ever heard of him teaching it to you? Referring to me, Azula, Zhao, the Avatar, or anyone else? Second, put yourself in his shoes again. There's keeping your enemies very close and there's letting your emotionally damaged 16 year-old nephew hang around a man you saw grinning like a child in a candy store when he saw your nephew being burned!"

"Didn't make too much sense, did it?"

"No, Zuko, it didn't."

"Wait! What about when Zhao conscripted my entire crew to help him at the North Pole? Uncle stayed with me!"

"It wouldn't have benefited him to go with Zhao. Whether Zhao won or lost in that campaign was irrelevant. You were the person he wanted on the throne if the Avatar won. You were the person he could manipulate the easiest."

"He sure seemed genuinely concerned."

"Whatever he did, I'm sure it could easily be part of his act. He's not going to let his real plans slip out so easily."

"And when those pirates that Zhao hired blew up my ship? He came back for me and was showing genuine concern."

"Couldn't he also have been showing concern for the instrument he was going to put on the throne if the Avatar won?"

"But you don't know what he did immediately afterwards."

"What did he do?"

"Well… I'm not quite sure, my head was probably still rattling. But he _must _have saved me."

"Again, you're the person he wanted to put on the throne."

"Father, let me stop you here. It seems like, although there could be a possibility of Uncle playing both sides of the war and was using me, since you've raised a few really, really good questions, you aren't saying too many convincing things."

The ex-Phoenix King shook his head. "As I told you, Iroh was very careful. It's not until you see everything and _then _look at it piece by piece that it all fits together. Had I known what was happening earlier, I would have had him locked up long ago."

"Alright, continue. So how do you explain Uncle going with Zhao to the North Pole and helping him out with the invasion, which was to allow me to get to Aang?"

"Ah, Iroh's small show of his true colors at the North Pole. Do you mind if we go through that invasion step-by-step?"

Zuko made a gesture with his arm. "Go right ahead."

"Between what you've told me and the reports I read, it did seem like Iroh joining Zhao gave you cover to get up to the North Pole."

"See?"

"But it wasn't the only thing it did. Did Iroh ever tell you everything he did while still on the ship?"

The new Fire lord shrugged. "He gave him some advice, told Zhao to stop the attack when the moon was out, and tried to talk him out of killing the Moon. I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Not if you ignore what his intentions were supposed to be. He was in a calm, military strategist mindset, he wasn't going to make stupid slip-ups."

"And what were his intentions supposed to be?"

"You tell me. Was he helping the Fire Nation by giving sound military advice? Because he certainly wasn't delaying the attack on the Northern Water Tribe by trying to convince Zhao to stick with a barrage of sulfur bombs to 'weaken their defenses.' I understand he couldn't advise Zhao to drag the fight on into the night, or else raise suspicions, but there must have been several ways a military mind like Iroh's could have delayed the advancement of a city siege if he wanted to. It's not like he doesn't have experience with them."

"Well… Um… Maybe he was too worried about me."

"So in all the time it took to leave from wherever Zhao was docked to the North Pole, he was completely concerned about you and wasn't able to put anything else in his mind except the act he put on to make Zhao think he was serious about joining him?"

The scarred ruler crossed his arms. "Said the guy who could only focus on keeping his body calm during the eclipse."

"You came out of nowhere and told me the worst of everything in the span of a few minutes. Iroh had hours, even days to plan what he was going to do."

"So what do you suggest Uncle was planning?"

"Like I've been saying, he wanted to play both sides. So he helped out the Fire Nation as little as he could without being seen as damaging the Water Tribe. He could still be seen as a double agent if he wanted to claim so."

"What about when he wanted to help the Moon Spirit? That was clearly picking a side according to every traitor remark you've made."

"Are you so sure? Did you ever think about why that incident happened the way it did? From what I heard, your uncle had hours between when he heard Zhao's plan and when Zhao made his move. Once they reached shore, if Iroh wanted to, he could've 'let it slip' to Water Tribe soldiers what Zhao was planning. A simple, loud remark to another Fire Nation soldier to 'Help the admiral get to the Spirit Oasis' could have easily alerted them and gotten them to send forces back there."

"He was trying to hurry and beat Zhao to the oasis. He didn't have time to think about that."

"He had hours! Zhao told him his plan during the day and attacked the Moon at night. Zhao may have had a head start on him when they actually got to the walls or an easier time getting to the oasis itself, but that doesn't change the fact that Iroh could have alerted someone 'accidentally.'"

Zuko raised an eyebrow. "Well, I suppose he could have… But then why would Uncle do what he did? What would he have to gain? If anything, if he alerted the Water Tribe 'accidentally' he'd be doing what you suggested and be playing both sides. What would he have to gain from going there himself when Zhao would get there first?"

"Who said Zhao beat him there?"

"We both did. We were talking about how he'd have a harder time getting to the oasis. Zhao had the map. Zhao had the escorts. Zhao _could've_ left first and even tried to have someone make sure Uncle stayed on the ship."

"I said Zhao would have an easier time. I didn't say who got their first. Your uncle beat him there."

"No, he didn't! Zhao already had the Moon Spirit and was staring down Aang when-!"

"Did Iroh tell you the full story? No of course not. If you read the report, he announced his presence to Zhao on one of the bridges leading to the center island of the oasis. And it was after Zhao had already placed the Moon Spirit in a pouch."

"Actually, he told me all of that."

"Really?" Ozai gave his son a hard stare. "And it never bothered you that, as Zhao was ranting, raving, and flinging around the Moon Spirit as he screamed about how he'd destroy the moon, your uncle never shouted at him to stop the moment he came into the oasis, which would've been when he walked through the door, which is before he got to the bridge?"

"I…!" Zuko felt his skin become cold. "No,… he… Wait a second!" He stood up straight. "What does that even mean? So he made an error in judgment, thought he had a better position on the bridge… So what? It's not like he could've hidden there. There's no place to hide without crossing the bridge."

"Or pressed his back to the wall the door to the oasis is attached to and remained hidden in the shadows with a dark cloak on at night. One way or another, he waited for the Avatar to show up. He wanted the spirits to think he was on their side. That he supported them above his own nation."

"Which he did."

"No. He's not stupid. Do you think he didn't know there was a very good chance that what he was about to do would be considered treason? He waited for the Avatar and his friends to show up. He wanted- No! _Needed_ them to think that he was on their side. Because, although the spirits are powerful, mortals are far easier to rely on. Plus, he had seen the Avatar in action against you. He had enough confidence that the boy would win."

The scarred ruler scratched the back of his head. "Well… yeah. He did have faith that Aang would succeed and restore balance."

"You aren't listening, Zuko. If he wanted to help the Avatar's cause, he would've shouted something at Zhao the moment he appeared in the oasis. I think that if the Avatar hadn't shown up at all, Iroh wouldn't have done anything."

"That's a little hard to assume. Honestly, how can you prove that? Sure, where Iroh was when he confronted Zhao wasn't ideal, but he could've shown up after Zhao, when Aang was confronting him and didn't want to interfere with the way Aang was handling it."

"Really? So tell me then, why didn't Iroh ask about you?"

"Huh?"

"If you were so important to your uncle that he couldn't think how to delay a siege because he was worried about you, why didn't he ask the Avatar and his friends about you? At any point, before or after the Moon Spirit was killed, he never asked what happened to you. Why?"

"Well, I was a survivor. A tough bender or not, I could endure a lot of things and before the Moon Spirit was killed, it was a moot point. If the moon vanished, I might end up dead in a matter of time. Who knows what long-term effects the lack of the moon could have?"

The powerless bender narrowed his eyes. "And after the spirit died? When there was nothing to fear because Zhao was gone and the Avatar was destroying our navy? If Iroh was so absolutely, dead set concerned about you, why didn't he ask about you instead of worrying about the spirit?"

Ozai then relaxed his gaze and sighed. "But, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. After all, my report is coming from a half-conscious Fire navy soldier that your uncle knocked to the ground at the oasis. You must have spoken to the Avatar and his friends. What did they say happened?"

The son stared at the ground. "They said he was concerned with the fate of the spirit… And nowhere in their details of the story, did Uncle ask at all about me. Even after the moon was restored."

"Can you now see signs of what I'm trying to tell you?"

"Yeah… but they don't fit. You talked about how, if mom didn't care about me, she wouldn't have given up her life of luxury. But if Uncle didn't care about me, why did he give up his life of luxury for me?"

"Because he and your mother had different objectives. Ursa only wanted to keep you and your sister safe and there was no second chance. If she lost either of you, you were gone forever. Losing the world for her children is and was worth it to her. Iroh, however, wanted the world to be in his grasp. The trappings of the royal family could easily be replaced. Losing you for the world was worth it to him."

"No… NO!" Zuko clenced his fists. "No! That doesn't make sense! He helped defend me when Azula tried to bring me back to the Fire Nation right after the North Pole! And he attacked after the captain called us both prisoners! It may have been a misunderstanding, but it still showed the he was willing to fight for me!"

"Fight for you? Or fight for the person he wanted to put on the throne? Did you notice something odd about Iroh's behavior when you were traveling around the Earth Kingdom? Remember how you told me all the stories of what you and he did before Azula invaded Ba Sing Se?"

"Yeah…? What about the stories? He always stuck by me no matter how angry and ill-tempered I got."

"I was more of referring to how he was trying to trick you into loving the people of the Earth Kingdom. And I don't mean in a way that let's you know what he's doing, I mean in a way that has him eating a poisonous flower so you'd be forced to go to an Earth Kingdom doctor.

"Your uncle's crazy obsession with tea aside, he'd have to had eaten that flower raw. The two main ingredients in tea are hot water and leaf juices. You were at the river. He would've had to walk up to or close to you to get water so that he didn't lose track of the campsite. All that thought and effort put into something makes it more than an illogical fluke. Especially when you think about the fact that there was no pot or anything to boil the water in."

The new Fire lord tensed. "Well, I'll admit it's suspicious, but it's not enough."

"And how about how he wanted you to be overly kind to everyone that you met?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing much, unless they're swinging swords at your feet while you sing. Letting go and moving on from the fact that a person did that is one thing. Calling him 'such a nice man' is another."

"He was trying to encourage me to let things go."

"By complimenting the people who attack you? The man was already walking away. There was no need to try to calm him down for fear that he was going to attack again.

"Everything you told me, Zuko, adds up to him praising you and encouraging you when you were doing everything you didn't want to do and scolding you for every action you did want to take."

Zuko gestured with both of his arms. "I was confused and immature. I wanted all the wrong things and didn't know the value of the things I had."

"Really? Do you remember what you told me your uncle told you underneath Lake Laogai when you were about to deal with the Avatar's bison? 'Is it your own destiny or a destiny someone else is deciding for you'? That kind of philosophy is a two-way street. You were a grown man, you knew what you wanted. But he was always there, trying to direct you onto the path he wanted. Not a path that had certain morals on it; but his specific path. Remember what happened underneath Ba Sing Se? Azula was the one giving you a free choice while stating facts. Your uncle was the one who was trying to pull at your heartstrings and make you chose the exact course he wanted, even though it wasn't the one you wanted."

The fire bender held out his arms. "But back up a moment. Uncle once had a talk with Toph, the Avatar's earthbending teacher, before he could have possibly known who she was. He told her that he really did care about me and told her all these good, earnest things about me. And she can tell when people lie. He had no idea that she could detect lies."

"Is that a fact? I have heard about that girl's abilities. Do you mind telling me what his words were? His exact words?"

"Why do you need exact words?"

"Because Iroh would know better than to let things slip even to someone he's never met. And living with someone as sharp as Azula, he'd make a habit out of picking his words carefully. So, what were his exact words?"

The scarred ruler scratched his head. "Give me a moment… This isn't something I ever expected I needed to remember. Well, I seem to recall both Uncle's story and Toph's story matching up for the most part…"

"Take your time, Zuko."

"Let's see… Uncle was behind a large rock for some reason and Toph sensed it. She preemptively struck him and launched him into the air a few feet. He landed, rubbed his butt and said, 'Ohhhh… That really hurt my tailbone.' I don't remember what happened right after that but I remember him serving Toph tea. He said, 'Here is your tea. You seem a little too young to be traveling alone.'

"Toph responded that he was too old. He laughed and replied '_Perhaps_ I am.' Toph complained that she thought he thought she couldn't handle herself, Uncle said, 'I wasn't thinking that.' She pointed out how he wouldn't let her pour her own tea, but he replied, 'I poured your tea because I wanted to and for no other reason.'

"Toph again complained about people look at her and think she's weak." Zuko then smiled. "And then, Uncle replied, without knowing who Toph was or about her powers, 'You sound like my nephew. Always thinking you need to do things on your own without anyone's support. There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.'"

Ozai raised an eyebrow. "Was that all?"

"Well, he also told her, 'Not that I love you; I just met you.' But I figured that was irrelevant."

"I meant was that everything they said? That's an odd place to end a conversation."

"Oh…" The firebender closed his eyes and rubbed his head. "After that, Toph asked him where I was, he replied, 'I've been tracking him, actually.' She asked if I was lost, he said, 'Yes, a little bit. His life has recently changed and he's going through very difficult times. He is trying to figure out who he is and he went away.' She wanted to know if he was following me and he said, 'I know he doesn't want me around right now, but, if he needs me, I'll be there.'

"Toph then said I was lucky but didn't know it, thanked Uncle for the tea, then got up to leave. Uncle said, 'My pleasure. Sharing tea with a fascinating stranger is one of life's true delights.' She then told him his advice helped, he said, 'I'm glad.' And just before Toph walked away, she advised Uncle to tell me what he had told her."

The new Fire lord continued to smile and pulled his hands behind his back. "See? That all says he loves me and cares about me. Sure he doesn't say 'I'm not using him as a tool for my own gain.' But who arbitrarily says that anyway?"

The former ruler of the Fire Nation narrowed his eyes. "It also doesn't say he loves you or cares about you."

Zuko furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about? Everything that he said implies he cares about me."

"Which makes it awfully curious that he never used words that specifically mean that."

"Huh?"

"First of all, the earthbending girl, Toph was it? It's immediately clear that, though she can detect lies, that doesn't mean she can know the truth."

"Yes it does. If you're not telling the truth, it's a lie. Sure, there's having wrong information that you think is true, like when the Dai Lee brainwashed Jet. But she knows if you think it's true."

"Wrong. She knows if something is a lie, but her perceptions and assumptions stop her from knowing the truth. Case and point, she thought Iroh poured the tea for her to take care of her. Instead, he did it because he wanted to."

"Ok… I suppose it does show that… But wouldn't that say Uncle is polite?"

"Or that it was a habit of his that he'd grown accustomed to. Remember, all that his words meant was that he wanted to serve her tea and for no other reason."

"Alright, so it _might_ have meant that. I still don't get what you're going for."

"All throughout his conversation with her, show me one sentence that specifically says, 'I care about my nephew because I love him.'"

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "'There's nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.'"

"That's sound advice, which you should be taking right now, but it could just be just sound advice coming from him."

"There was how concerned he was when he spoke about how I'd lost my way."

"But concern for you or concern for his plans?"

The scarred ruler crossed his arms. "'I know he doesn't want me around right now, but, if he needs me, I'll be there.'"

"He knew that his current tactics to win you over weren't working so he gave you space. However, he wanted to keep close to you because, if you died, his plans would be ruined. Didn't you notice something else in your journey with him, Zuko? After that day, when you showed him that his 'be nice to everyone' tactic wasn't working on you, that's when he actually began training you again."

"What about it?"

"I listen to the rumors being told by the guards. They've talked about what Iroh taught you and what he knew. You were being hunted by Azula and, for day after day after day, he didn't teach you how to redirect lightning. Even if he thought you were too immature for lightning, that redirecting technique was far simpler and it very likely could have saved your life."

The ex-Phoenix King clenched his teeth as images of his brother flashed through his mind. "He knew his control over you was slipping so he changed tactics. This was not an illogical fluke, he is an intelligent commander and he had weeks."

"Maybe he wasn't worried because he thought he'd always be there to help me and when I split up with him, the thought didn't cross his mind."

"Then what would be the point of training you at all at any time in your life? Your uncle would know the dangers in not having you strong enough to defend yourself. So, I ask you again, was it your own destiny or a destiny he was trying to force on you?

"Zuko, you told me about how you and your uncle decided to live in Ba Sing Se. The place where he would be closest to the Earth King and have some kind of chance of controlling what happens there. I don't know if he ever knew that the Dai Lee were in control, but I know he knew that's where he had to go."

The firebender nodded. "Yes, I told you about how we got there. He used his connections in the White Lotus to forge passports. So what? You're going to tell me it was evil to make fake passports?"

"No, I'm going to tell you that, with hours and hours and hours of calm planning, it's really easy to figure out which of those hundreds of secret society members could have just housed you two. Surely, with how many members existed, there could have been a few who were willing and able to shelter a grand lotus and his nephew. Homes in places that weren't inside the Fire Nation's biggest target. Homes in places that weren't so hard to get into and make a life in."

"Maybe Uncle had other reasons! I wasn't down there when he was deciding and I honestly never asked him!"

"No, you didn't think about it! There's a difference! Just like you didn't think about why Iroh would never have given details of our military to our enemies when he was supposedly siding with them! Just like you never thought why he would've kept you weak for three years when you were searching for the Avatar! Just like you didn't think when, after seeing that the Avatar was still a boy, Iroh slipped up in so many ways, which let a more vicious man know of the boy's existence! Or why his story of the agni kai never added up!

"You never thought about why he didn't try to slow the assault on the Northern Water Tribe even a little! Or why he waited to try and stop Zhao until when he did! Thinking things through is important, but so is thinking over the things that have happened! Things like why a person was always forcing you to turn to your enemy for help when it was a risk if they discovered you! Things like why a person wouldn't train you until you proved to him you were willing to leave them! And things like why someone would say that a targeted city, no matter how well-defended, was the best place to hide instead of some friend's house somewhere!

"And why Iroh would be so willing to take the risk of moving to the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se where high-ranked generals who knew of him and could recognize him would have lived! And don't tell me that they wouldn't have known who he was! Those random Earth Kingdom soldiers that captured your uncle before you chased the Avatar to Roku's temple knew who he was just by looking at him!"

Zuko cringed. "Time out..."

"What?" Ozai stared at his son. "Why?"

"Because you're on the topic of 'thinking about events' and you just brought up Uncle's capture before Aang went to Roku's temple."

"So?"

"So, there's something that happened a few hours before Uncle was captured. Something that I never ever, ever want to think about again."

"Ok…?"

"After all the trust I'm giving you, _trust me_."

"Alright. Well, whatever your reason is, it doesn't change the countless things that Iroh's done to put himself in a place where he could choose either side of the war and wind up with as much power as possible. Up until he helped the Avatar rescue you and the waterbending girl, he didn't know for sure who was going to win. However, when he realized that the Avatar was well trained enough and had bested Azula several times, he decided it was time to throw his lot in with that boy and make sure you did as well.

"Think, Zuko. He clearly said that it was 'time for you to choose good.' But you already knew what 'good' was. You told me how you woke up the day before and found yourself more refreshed than you had in ages and how that you acted like you could see things so much clearer. You know you were certainly more even-tempered. Yet, despite all that had changed about you, all those new perceptions you had, you still new that the Avatar was the enemy and for good reason.

"And did you ever think about how your uncle's words changed? While Azula presented you with facts and made you a deal that was for you to choose, Iroh only tugged at your emotions. Insisting that the thing you wanted in your heart was what he wanted you to do. He didn't care that there were thousands and thousands of people in the Fire Nation who you were responsible for that would be grateful to see this war end. To see that their family and friends would be safe and live to see another day. That we wouldn't have to put so much money into the war to make the world into the better place that Sozin envisioned."

Zuko's head slowly dropped as his arms went limp by his sides.

Ozai let out a low snarl. "No. Iroh just wanted you to be the way he wanted so that he could have his power."

The firebender weakly shook his head. "No… No it couldn't have been just about that. He sacrificed himself so Katara could take Aang to safety. Why would he do that if he was just out for personal gain? Couldn't he have ran out of the catacombs and made his break for freedom? He wouldn't have even lost his chance for power. Being a grand lotus, he still could have organized the attack on Ba Sing Se during Sozin's Comet and he still could have ended up a war hero if the Avatar's side won."

The scarred ruler lifted his neck. "Think about what kind of punishment Uncle could have been risking. Everything about that scenario says he'd be better off running then saving the Aang."

The ex-Phoenix King shook his own head. "No, he wasn't. That's why I made a point of saying that his absolute and definitive moment of showing who's side he was on came when he told you to side with 'good.' He was with the Avatar now and he knew that without the boy, the Fire Nation's victory was guaranteed."

The Fire lord raised an eyebrow. "So he was betting on the slim chance that Aang survived a lightning bolt? Going into hiding would have been better."

"No. Going for freedom would have been a horrible choice. Getting into a place like Ba Sing Se when they don't want you in is a feat in and of itself. But getting out when they want you in is even harder. From reports I read, the entryway that he and the Avatar used to get into the catacombs was inside the Inner Ring of the city. Any pathway that Azula would've taken, if the Dai Lee hadn't closed it off already, would also be in Inner Ring close to the palace. Pick any point in the middle of that enormous city, you aren't going to be able to just run to the Outer Wall in a few hours. It would take days on foot even if you could find doorways on each wall inside the city.

"Not only that, but it was the middle of the night when the Avatar was struck down, remember? Even if any of the trains were still operating or any carriage was willing to take him anywhere at that late hour, the ones heading towards the Outer Wall would be the first that the Dai Lee would hurry to and block. Iroh would still be a hunted man in a huge city that he barely knew and that the Dai Lee knew all the in's and out's of.

"And even if Iroh managed to find a hiding place to rest in, Azula would have the Dai Lee immediately close off any pathways in or out of the city have constant security sweeps and rewards offered for turning him in. Add to all that the pressure Iroh would be under from the fact that he would be on the clock because, once our soldiers arrived in the city, those exits would be much more heavily guarded and the security patrols would be much more thorough and it's easy to see, even at a glance, that running was hopeless."

Zuko rubbed his chin. "So you think that Uncle was in a lose-lose situation? Still Ba Sing Se's size could make hiding doable, at least give him a chance. And, given his experience, he'd know that a slim chance at running is better than no chance at surrendering."

"Did he really have no chance by surrendering, Zuko, or was it his last, slim chance at achieving power over the world? By returning to help the Avatar escape, he gave the side he supported a slim chance for success and knew he would become an acclaimed hero on their side for doing so. Also, he knew he would be safe by allowing himself to be captured, after all, we don't execute people; as a prince, he would know that. With the possible exception of what the people would have wanted to do to you, our highest penalties are banishment and heavy imprisonment. In honesty, can you name a time when we executed a prisoner?"

"What do you call the fate of the Air Nomads?"

"A whole 'nother story. Prisoners, though. When was the last time we executed prisoners?"

"Never. The only time anyone came close that I can remember was when Sokka and I tried to escape from the Boiling Rock with other prisoners."

"Exactly. He knew he would be safe and have not only a secure place to plan his next move from, but a chance to be able to still manipulate you. I don't know exactly when he learned about the eclipse, but at some point, he was able to prepare for that."

"But why would he think he could manipulate me still? I thought he thought I betrayed him."

"'Cause he knows you, Zuko. He knew that your choice to side with Azula wasn't an easy one. Though it wasn't a guarantee that you'd try to visit him in his prison cell and he couldn't have known how often or what could happen from it, but it was a safe bet that you'd try to make everything right with him."

The Fire lord shook his head. "But how could he plan to manipulate me at all? I went to his prison cell at times he couldn't have predicted and most of the time I stormed out, furious with him." He crossed his arms. "In fact, I heard the guard mention more than once that they glanced in after I left and saw him crying. No loud sobs that the guards could hear and pass on to me. Just quiet tears after I left angry at him."

"Of course he was crying. His life-long goal of power over the world for himself and his bloodline had fallen apart again and again. And each time you left, he had no ability to control whether or not that was the last time he could talk to you."

The new Fire lord made a wide gesture with his arms. "Or he was just upset with me and-."

"I've been hearing rumors about what Iroh said to you when you met with him again outside of Ba Sing Se. That he wasn't angry, he was just 'sad and afraid that you lost your way.' Well, to me those don't sound like the actions of someone who's sad and afraid. Those are the actions of someone trying to seduce another person to them and their cause."

Zuko tensed and cringed. "Um… I don't think 'seduce' is the right word."

The powerless bender furrowed his brow. "No, Zuko. Allow me to explain why 'seduce' is precisely the correct word."

"And how is that?"

"Anyone ever tell you the best way to make sure you can attract a girl who's crazy about you?"

The scarred ruler raised an eyebrow.

"Yes or no?"

"Well,… yeah... I'm pretty good with women and Sokka has a method he brags about. Seeing as he's good with women and I, unintentionally, use it a lot, I guess it works."

"And what is the method?"

"He says that a big mistake is being too nice, you're not supposed to do that, because you'll mess it up. Instead, act as aloof as possible at the beginning, as if you don't really care-." Zuko's eyes shot wide open as his father lightly nodded.

"… as if you don't really care one way or the other. Now, do you honestly think that little trick only applies to girls and love? Because I think you know those same rules work with other relationships as well."

The former ruler of the Fire Nation closed his eyes and lowered his head. "From what I was told when I spoke to the prison guards, you were constantly trying to win back your uncle's attention. Constantly and desperately trying to get him to talk to you; to just look at you. And not until you were at the absolute end of your patience, when it looked like you were about to give up talking to him, _that_ was when he dropped his aloofness, not a moment sooner."

Zuko let out a long sigh as he brought his hands up to his head. Taking several deep breaths, he lowered his arms and looked on at his father. "Could it have been a coincidence? When he said he was just sad and afraid he lost my way, couldn't he have been lying there? He may have been actually upset with me for betraying him."

"Even if you're right, Iroh would've been mad at you only for not doing the exact things he wanted you to do, the destiny he forced on you. You did not betray him, Zuko. You didn't fight against him. You did not actually assist in his capture. He told you to pick what your heart desired and you did. He wanted you to think for yourself and he was angry that your heart desired something he didn't want it to desire."

"This isn't easy to swallow." The son then raised an eyebrow. "It also doesn't explain why, during the eclipse, you laughed when I said Uncle had gotten to me and then said he could pass down tea and failure to me."

"I did mention it, remember? I was laughing at the sudden and ironic shift. You were talking about how you figured everything out, but then showed you were still under the control of your uncle."

"What about the 'tea and failure' line?"

"Because that's all he was really going to teach you. He probably would teach you how to brew a good cup of tea. Other than that, he'd teach you how your plans to keep the world from being controlled would be failures; and he'd do it the hard way."

"Oh…" The new Fire lord continued to hold his head. "It still seems so strange."

"It'll be clearer when you think about what he did in Ba Sing Se to prepare for Sozin's Comet."

"He gathered the members of the White Lotus to liberate it. That can't be anything too bad, can it?"

"From the rumor's I've heard, he sent out the call to his little secret society a month before the comet came. That gave all the other members only a short time to prepare and gather, by the time they all arrived, it would have been far less than a month. People would have to cross oceans and continents to arrive in Ba Sing Se, all without being spotted or found out in a continent that we controlled. The end result would be an army of powerful and cunning fighters at your uncle's command who honestly would not have much time to question the details of his planning nor to plan how they would keep track of things once the battle started."

"What was so wrong with his planning?"

"First of all, honestly, if liberating the Fire Nation's largest obstacle was so important to Iroh, everything should've been already set up and ready to go. Once again, this is something that he had months and months to plan on. It wasn't just a spur-of-the-moment event. But your uncle waited. While in prison, Iroh was able to have a secret message delivered to you and get the crown that Roku wore, I think he would've been able to send one more message out to at least one person in the White Lotus society and then tell that person to pass it on to others.

"Second, he was unwilling to fight me, despite the fact that his forces didn't need him there. The White Lotus was already organized and there were others perfectly capable of breaking through the walls of the city. Even if he believed that the Avatar was definitely going to show up and was able to stop me where as he would fail, he would still know that his power combined with that boy's would guarantee a victory over me. But he didn't want to risk his life at all, not when the citizen's of Ba Sing Se could see him leading the charge and hail him as a hero."

Zuko shook his head. "He didn't want history to see the struggle as brother vs. brother for power."

"Even ignore the hypocrisy when he told you to face-down your sister, he said he wasn't going to take the throne and he 'planned' to go back to working at a tea shop. If that was all he was going to do, then there was nothing there that history would see as brother vs. brother for power. The only way that would be true is if people saw how Iroh would manipulate you and realize that was why he put you on the throne.

"But that's not all. Third, attacking Ba Sing Se during Sozin's Comet actually was the worst possible time and could only serve your uncle as a time to show off his own powers. I don't know exactly how many firebenders the White Lotus had in its ranks, but I can guarantee it was less than the number we had. True, Jeong-Jeong and Iroh were far stronger than most of our soldiers, but without the comet, that would still allow your uncle's army to take the city with more ease and much less risk."

The new Fire lord raised an eyebrow. "So when should they have taken the city? What would you have done?"

"I would have not taken the city when the comet was empowering all of my enemies practically 100-fold. If I had the miss-information about what the Fire Nation was going to do with the comet and thought they were going to burn the Earth Kingdom, I would have taken the city only a few days before Sozin's Comet came. That way, we'd be able to prepare some measure of defense for the city before the Fire Nation knew we had taken it back from them. If I didn't think that the Fire Nation was going to burn the Earth Kingdom, I would have taken it the day after the comet left so that as soon as we took the city, the Fire Nation would be powerless to take it back and have to wait 100 years before the comet returned.

"And keep in mind, Zuko, your uncle is _at least_ as good of a military tactician as me. Such an obvious concept should not have been beyond his thinking after such a long period of time to plan."

The firebender tensed. "Maybe he wanted to do more, psychologically, to the Fire Nation. He wanted to show that, even if 100 years comes again, they still wouldn't be able to keep the city!"

"So you're saying that his theory was: If I attack at the much riskier time when the comet is here and the Avatar and his friends win, this will be pointless because the war will be completely over and no one will try to conquer the city again. However, if I attack at the much riskier time when the comet is here and the Avatar and his friends lose, the Fire Nation won't feel the need to try and re-conquer Ba Sing Se, despite the fact that they have war balloons and airships, allowing them to easily pass over the obstacle that was in their way all this time.

"Zuko, he would have known all this. I heard rumors that the White Lotus knew where the airships were that we were going to use for our scare tactic when the comet came. This would not have escaped Iroh's insight."

The scarred ruler stared at his father. "Alright, then what was the grand purpose? After all, Uncle may have been more powerful, but the people he was up against could've killed him if they got in a lucky shot or two. I don't care what his plans for power were, death would've nullified them."

"Indeed, death would've done that. That's why he didn't risk it."

"_What_? Yes he did! He was right there in Ba Sing Se when the White Lotus members were fighting!"

"Yes, the _other_ White Lotus members were fighting, but the only things I heard that your uncle did were blasting a huge hole in one of the walls, deflecting a few attacks from our forces to protect his allies, and burning away the Fire Nation flag that was draped over the Earth Kingdom palace. He didn't fight anyone. He let everyone else do the hard work. All your uncle did was a few showy displays of his power. Anyone caught up in the chaos of the battle wouldn't have been able to tell that he did nothing. But I've paid attention to the rumors and stories that everyone including the guards here have been talking about. When you sort through them, you can see what really happened."

Ozai looked up at his son. "But these are just bits and pieces. Rumors. Tell me, Zuko, am I missing something? Were there signs of battle damage on his very loose and flowing White Lotus uniform? Did he have any burn marks on him or scars or any injury at all that he was in bandages for?"

The scarred ruler of the Fire Nation began to tremble as he shook his head.

"Then do you see it now, Zuko? I don't know what his plans for the world are and, cooped up in this cell, I probably never will. Maybe they are sinister, maybe they are innocent, maybe they are just mildly selfish. But I do know that when you put everything together: The few actions he took against either side, the timing surrounding his actions, the way he acted towards you, the words that were said when he was around the girl who can detect lies, and what he's done during and after Sozin's Comet; it all leads to the conclusion that he was using you so he could have power.

"And when you think of the reason why, consider what he'd have to gain from doing everything he had done? He wasn't looking for any absolution for his son's death. A simple life, if he wanted it, could have been found anywhere. 'Restoring balance' to the world could have been done in many other ways that took less risk to you and others if he was willing to do it.

"But then think, why would he try to do this? What possible hope would he have of the Fire Nation losing? After all, he had seen, first-hand, the progress we were making and would not have believed that the Avatar was still around. The comet was so close, only his trip to the Spirit World would have revealed that the Avatar was still alive and make him even believe there was still a chance for us to lose the war."

Zuko felt his legs shake and he quickly leaned against a wall and grasped his head. "But he went to the Spirit World to find his son! And I know he cared about my cousin! There was a time in Ba Sing Se, I heard people who talking about how nice of a person he was and saying they saw him head out to a field! When I saw him in the field, he was crying over a mock grave of Lu Ten! He had no way of knowing I would find that and, one way or another, he wouldn't have wanted to risk anyone else seeing him mourning a Fire Nation soldier."

"I never said he was completely heartless and he would know the value of winning over the locals around him. He cared about his immediate family line. Remember, he would have known he'd never live long enough to see the world completely accept our authority. He would have still worked to make sure his descendents would see that day. If that same feeling extended to other members of his family, he would have worked to see you placed on the throne of the world instead."

"But there's still so much! So many things he did that tried to help me!"

"Lies, deception, and manipulation. Which all changed when he realized you actually had found the Avatar. Don't you remember what you said he told you that day in the South Pole? Before and after he told you I, Azulon, and Sozin had all hunterd for that boy? He wanted you to forget about it. That you shouldn't even bother investigating. Basically, just give up and go to bed."

"Well, still, it might be-."

"As I said, don't look at everything he's done in little pieces. Most of them, indeed, can be explained by an error in judgment. You need to look at the big picture. Put everything together, focus on where it happened, what was going on when it happened, and what had already happened. Pay particular attention to the words he uses, particularly those around the girl who can detect lies, as well as everything surrounding what he did during Sozin's Comet. That's where you will find your answer."

"What about the Water Tribes though? You said he wanted to control the world and, if you're right, Uncle will be able to influence me here in the Fire Nation and the Earth king in Ba Sing Se. But what about the Water Tribes? The North and South have strong leaders. Especially if Master Pakku starts living in the South Pole with Katara and Sokka's grandmother, there's no way Uncle could sneak much past him."

"The North may still be in ruins after our invasion and from reports I've read, there's no clear heir to the position of chief. According to stories and unusual details in reports I've read, his only child became the Moon Spirit and the young man that was to marry her died in the siege. Also, reports from scouts told me that a female had finally been allowed to learn waterbending as a martial art there and became very powerful under Pakku. It's more than likely that more women will want to be allowed the same treatment and there might be those, especially the seniors of the tribe, who stand against it.

"If Pakku is indeed going to live in the South Pole, the two sides will likely lack a mutually respected and influential mediator for their grievances. Instead, they very likely will just argue with one another. Without a clear heir to their chief, there could be infighting in one form or another about what the future of waterbending should be as well as who will take over as chief. And with such destruction all around them, whatever resources they can organize will be dedicated to rebuilding their city. Add all that together with how far away they are from everything else in the world and it's easy to see why Iroh wouldn't bother with them. They won't be in any shape to influence anything on a global scale."

Zuko stared at the ground. "I never thought about that." He then lifted his head up. "And the South Pole?"

Ozai shrugged as best he could. "They're just too small. They'll be worried about rebuilding and won't have much business anywhere except maybe the Southern Earth Kingdom. They'll have less influence than the North."

"But Ren and Shaw, the dragons of the Sun Warriors, judged Uncle and he passed."

"I heard the guards talking about that too and laughed. I don't know what it takes to judge people or when dragons suddenly gained psychic powers, which we didn't know about despite living with them for countless ages. What I do know is that performing a fighting routine in front of someone and then standing on a pillar is not a good way for them to know your entire life's story. If they actually do have psychic powers, I'd like to hear why other dragons didn't. I think that'd be a prominently-mentioned feature of dragons whenever they are discussed."

The scarred ruler of the Fire Nation slowly rubbed his head. "By the spirits… How could all of this been pulled over my eyes? How did I not see it?"

"Because you were a young boy who your uncle was able to influence for three years. And don't expect much help from the spirits to answer your questions. They're worse than Iroh is."

The firebender dropped his arm halfway down his chest. "What? But the spirits are mostly creatures of justice who keep the world in balance and help maintain nature!"

"No they aren't! Almost all of them are the some of the worst things to ever happen to this world!"

* * *

><p><strong>THE SPIRITS<strong>

* * *

><p>Ozai snarled. "How many spirits have you heard tales of, Zuko? The ones I've heard rumors and stories about are: Hei Bai, the Moon and Ocean spirits, Koh the Face-Stealer, a giant tree in a huge swamp in the middle of the Earth Kingdom, Wan Shi Tong, and the Painted Lady.<p>

"Hei Bai attacked an innocent village full of people who not only couldn't possibly have destroyed his forest, which he himself did absolutely nothing to defend since it would have been too easy for him to do so, but those people had clearly lived in that forest for a very long time. He should have known about them and known that they weren't the target for avenging his forest, which, again, he didn't defend. Also, I don't know what you've heard, but I never heard of him actually apologizing or make any gesture of forgiveness to the village he wrecked."

Zuko scratched the back of his head. "Maybe he was just confused and angry and didn't know what happened."

"Confused and angry? What I was told said it went on for several days. And that still doesn't explain why he made no act of atonement for destroying the village."

"What about the Moon and Ocean? They contribute to the world."

"The Moon and Ocean spirits might actually contribute something to this world, but they had no problems taking homage from people they weren't going to protect. They could have used the Avatar at anytime to stop our invasion, but instead waited until they themselves were wronged. The spirits even knew that the chieftain was going to lose his daughter. They sent him a vision. I don't know if it was the Moon or Ocean who sent him that vision. But I know those two did nothing to prevent her death."

"Maybe they only could foresee that Yue was going to die and not how. Maybe they also didn't know of anything that was going on outside of the Spirit Oasis."

The ex-Phoenix kind raised an eyebrow. "So you think that they have these incredible powers, but they are _incredibly_ limited in scope?"

"It… could happen."

"Then how was the Ocean Spirit able to know who to attack? If it was only looking for Zhao, it certainly was unforgiving of people who were afraid of a giant monster and raised spears at it."

"Maybe, it learned who the Fire Nation was through Aang."

"So, it learned all about the Fire Nation, all about the siege, and learned that it could have stopped the large event that was causing loud explosions and screaming all throughout the city hours ago, so decided to hurt everyone as punishment?"

"It may have been really angry and not thinking straight."

"Zuko, do you remember what I said about how far you are having to reach to prove me wrong? And even if you are right and this theory you have is possibly true, nothing deserves high reverence if it's going to devastate things and kill people just to satisfy emotional whims! Or are you going to defend Koh as well?

"Koh, who'll punish those close to you because you didn't do a job that not only didn't need to be done, but one that was forced upon you. The only way he'll help you is if you give him the chance to steal your face from your body."

Zuko shook his head. "No, I'm not going to defend Koh at all."

"Good. I hope you're not going to defend that tree in the Earth Kingdom swamp that feels it has the right to abuse and kidnap people until it's delivered the message it wants."

"That's not the whole story! That tree had a message that it felt determined the fate of the world!"

"Guards have told me the stories that the swampbenders told in prison. They told of how 'easy going' the swamp was to the Avatar and his friends until it delivered its message and let them go."

The scarred ruler glanced to the side. "Ok, admittedly, it was a little arrogant and jerk-ish."

"Only a little?"

"Ok, a lot."

"More than a lot and it's a pattern with spirits. Did you ever hear of Wan Shi Tong? I have, from many stories, and he is no exception. He arrogantly stole and hoarded countless books and scrolls that were written by humans. Then, disregarding the countless droves of people who read books and never engage in war, like any storekeeper or farmer, he declares that the people who his entire collection was taken from are not allowed to read any of it."

The firebender slowly nodded. "Aang and the others told me about him and you're right. One way or another, there are plenty of people who read and there's absolutely no reason to think they would use the information for war. And I have heard about his foxes gathering scrolls and such."

Zuko then raised an eyebrow. "But the Painted Lady? She isn't arrogant and jerkish."

"No, she's just a lazy moocher, taking homage from a village without doing anything to help or defend them. The news of that fishing village probably slipped under my attention. Someone in the chain of command may have been taking bribes to keep the pollution quiet. Maybe it was lost in the sea of information I had to take in everyday."

"You can hear the slightest rumor about anything, but the condition of a village eluded you?"

"Sorting through rumors takes time and effort, as everything I have already explained has demonstrated. Our lives would both be much different if we could sort through every story and determine what was accurate and what wasn't the moment we heard it. However, that isn't the case and I don't remember when I find out about that village. But none of that changes the fact that the Painted Lady did nothing to help them."

"Well, they can't all be bad, right? I've heard of random spirits who don't do anything much. Aang told me stories about a tall monkey spirit who was just rude but didn't do anything too bad. You can't curse someone for being rude. He also told me about a giant fox-like creature that he saw close to Koh's lair. Plus, the Avatar is a spirit and it helps the world. Also, there's the power of bending."

"The random spirits who do nothing but mind their business are the reason I said '_Most_ of them are the some of the worst things to ever happen to this world.' However, the spirit of the Avatar is one of the worst spirits."

"No. The spirit of the avatar has helped countless people for generations!" Zuko crossed his arms. "I know your from the Fire Nation, but don't let personal feelings blind you."

Ozai narrowed his eyes at his son. "I'm not."

* * *

><p><strong>THE AVATAR SPIRIT<strong>

* * *

><p>The former ruler of the Fire Nation relaxed his gaze and leaned his head back against the wall of his prison. "People have talked about the spirit of the avatar as being an agent of balance and peace. But more then that, it is an agent of control and that's why we of the Fire Nation knew it had to be taken out."<p>

The new Fire lord kept his arms over his chest as he raised an eyebrow. "How is it an agent of control? The Avatar tries to keep people from being conquered. That's what Aang's done, Roku tried to do, and Kyoshi did against Chen the Conqueror."

"The Avatar's fate is decided at random. A spirit chooses a child and decides the goal and purpose of their life. It never gives them a choice. It never gives them a way out. It just gives them a path to follow and doesn't permit them to live any other way."

"But isn't that like being in a royal family? For the most part, the order of birth decides what your fate is. And, like the spirit of the avatar, it comes with the responsibility of needing to train and learn what to do and when, but the rewards can be worth it."

"Not entirely, Zuko. In a royal family, you do have certain obligations depending on the order of birth, but you can abdicate the throne if you wish. Also, even if you keep the throne, you can be almost any kind of ruler you want to be. Strict, lenient, focus on internal affairs, external ones, you can improve military, infrastructure,… You get the idea."

"But avatars have had lots of different personalities and it affects the way the treat others."

"But not the way they are allowed to do their job. Think about what happened to Avatar Kuruk. His time was peaceful so he decided to enjoy himself and let the peaceful world be as it was. For that, someone else suffered so he could be punished. And before you compare that too a member of royalty being assassinated or someone dying for their ruler's mistake: There _is_ a way out of being a ruler and the people who appoint the ruler are seen as really bad people if they never do anything substantial to help that ruler, with the exception of telling the ruler's subjects that they are they ones responsible for helping him or her find their way."

The firebender grumbled. "Ok, fair enough. So, even though the person who is the avatar is given amazing powers and respect, they don't get a way out if they want it. But how does that make the spirit an agent of control?"

"That fact is only a point that makes the spirit's host act in a way that he or she cannot truly escape from."

"So what does make them agents of control?"

"Ever wonder when and how it was decided that there would be four nations? Roku himself insisted that was the way it was supposed to be, but who or what decided that? By bending abilities? Humans were around before they knew how to bend. The nomads watched the sky bison. The Water Tribe watched the moon. Earthbenders, the badger moles. And we watched the dragons. So if bending didn't decide it, what did?"

The scarred ruler retained his arms over his torso. "Enlighten me."

Ozai let out a small chuckle. "That's actually a question I was asking you. Humans have constantly changed the borders of their land through diplomacy, like how Omashu was formed, and with conquest, like Chin the Conquer did and we did. But, at some point, the avatar or something that controls the avatar decided that there are to be four nations, despite the Water Tribes being so very different and far away from one another and the Air Temples being on different corners of the globe. And the Earth Kingdom? That had more than one king. So why four nations?"

Zuko lifted up a lone finger. "Actually, Kyoshi didn't bother with Chin until he attacked her village. There's no record of her trying to stop him from doing what he wanted until it affected her. And regardless of when in her life Chin was expanding, Kyoshi was a fully realized avatar who had control of the avatar state when he attacked her peninsula. Surely, she could have done something to try and stop him before that moment."

"You're missing my question. Chin was given free reign from Kyoshi until it directly affected her, but he didn't try to expand beyond the Earth Kingdom. I was using him as an example of people changing borders through conquest. If anything, the differences between him and us and the fact that the avatar of his time permitted him to conquer lands while we weren't further proves that the idea of four nations is something that some force behind the avatar is enforcing."

The firebender lifted an arm and scratched the back of his head. "So something, somewhere, somehow, is using the avatar to keep the four nations exactly four? But aren't there independent entities like Kyoshi Island? I'm not certain if that's part of the Earth Kingdom or not."

"Whether it is or not, it does not disrupt the main purpose of the four nations which the avatar maintained, besides, considering it was a piece of the Earth Kingdom mainland and every map I've seen labels it as Earth Kingdom, I'd call it Earth Kingdom. _Despite it being so independent_."

Zuko lowered his arms halfway. "Well, regardless, what's the purpose? Why four nations?"

"The actual number is irrelevant. Who or whatever directs the spirit of the avatar is merely using bending as an identity to keep peoples stratified from one another and because there're four elements to bend, that's why there's four nations. Before the war, before our colonies, have you ever heard of peoples of different nations living together? And I mean actually together. Under the same roof? The same city? And not just traveling, actually living together? The closest I've heard of is a few waterbenders isolated in a swamp in the Earth Kingdom."

"But why keep people stratified? To what ends?"

"To keep our world in a dark age that binds itself to superstition and constantly worships spirits who do with our world what they wish and when they wish to. You told me that your uncle once said something that actually is very true: If you draw all your knowledge from one source, it becomes stale. You have to draw wisdom from other sources." Ozai huffed and turned his head to the side. "Because the world wasn't allowed to do that, the use of bending has become a curse."

* * *

><p><strong>BENDING<strong>

* * *

><p>Zuko narrowed his eyes, but his jaw relaxed. "You were one of the most powerful benders in the world. How can you possibly think that bending is bad?"<p>

The former ruler of the Fire Nation shook his head. "I didn't say bending in-and-of itself was bad, I said the way it's used and the effects it's has are bad. Think about all the good things people could do with bending, but don't."

"Like what?"

"Earthbenders for starters. Instead of practicing how to throw stones, raise walls, and make rock-gauntlets, they could easily convert the most barren landscapes into thriving forests or farmlands in months. They could till the soil and make sure the nutrients within it are spread out so seeds can grow, but last time I was searching the Earth Kingdom for the Avatar, I didn't see nearly enough land that could be called farms. Even if Fire Nation attacks razed a lot of the lands, I didn't see many lands away from the front that could be farmland. Water shouldn't be a problem. Irrigation channels would be easy to make.

"And that's not all. They could provide sturdy housing to almost anywhere on the planet. Almost no one would have to live in cheep wooden shacks. But you've seen those shacks in spades in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se. You've seen them everywhere in the Earth Kingdom. Why would they deny people stable, stone structures when it must take more effort to put enough wood and nails together to make a small home than it does for a semi-decent earthbender to wave their arms and put one stone on top of the other? Is the mixture that one uses to keep stones in place really that difficult to make that some would consider it a luxury? Ba Sing Se found enough at some point to make dozens of enormous walls and Omashu had the sense to use it. So I don't see why it's that difficult to use everywhere. And even if it were, could they not morph the stones so it has nail-like holes for stone nails to fit into?

"As for transportation, have you ever looked at the Earth Kingdom and noticed that there aren't any waterways for transporting goods and people from one place to another over ships? A large network of canals would be difficult, but entirely possible for a country full of earthbenders to make. However, once again, I never saw any when I traveled and searched for the Avatar. I only saw people using earthbending to throw boulders and raise walls."

The scarred ruler felt his arms drop. "I don't believe it! You're right! They don't do that! Those wooden shacks would be harder to build then stone structures!

The ex-Phoenix King nodded. "But earthbenders aren't the only ones. Waterbenders are just as guilty."

"Why waterbenders? They use their powers to heal as well as fight."

"Indeed they do and it does put them a notch above earthbenders, but just a notch."

"Why? What else could they do?"

"They could use their ability to manipulate water to easily ferry boats across any large or small body of water. Scholars, diplomats, doctors, scientists, or just simples tourists who want to travel could make it across oceans, seas, or through an earthbender's canals in a fraction of the time it would take a normal ship to make it across.

"Not only that, if they would leave their clumps of ice, they could easily help water crops and help make sure irrigation channels flowed smoothly. Any area where flooding occurs, they could help get rid of it. They could make sure that a water mill could be built almost anywhere by helping to redirect a river. Also, using their ability to freeze water, they could allow ice to be transported to any arid location, helping people stay comfortable and food to stay fresh for longer.

"The healing part, I applaud, but do they work in hospitals across the world? No. They stay on blocks of ice where they have to struggle against the cold to survive so they can be around their element and practice turning water into ice missiles or how to clobber someone with a giant wave."

Zuko glanced to the side. "Wow. I never realized all the things that could be done with the different bending arts. But what exactly could the airbenders have done?"

"They could have used sky bison for the same things waterbenders could've used boats for. Except they'd be exchanging the number of passengers they could carry for speed and terrain that they could pass over. They wouldn't need long distance all the time either. Law enforcement in a place like Ba Sing Se could use something like sky bison to get through the city.

"Airbenders could also help with farming by easily spreading seeds over a wide distance quickly. Sure some seeds may be best evenly spaced out, but others can be spread with the wind. Or, in the event of a large disaster, where wreckage is strewed everywhere, they could use strong, steady, and continuous air blasts to clean away debris that other forms of bending couldn't remove safely. Also, on a much smaller level, airbending could just help keep places clean and less dusty, maybe save people from getting sick and living unhealthily.

"However, instead of doing any of that, they stayed isolated in the mountains, past judgment on places like Ba Sing Se, and ignored everything that happened to the rest of the world."

Immediately, the scarred ruler stood up straight, crossed his arms and glared at his father. "Is that why they were all killed? Because they stayed out of the way too much?"

Ozai swung his head forward. "No! The reason for that was-!"

"And what did the Fire Nation do with firebending that was so great? Hmm?"

The ex-Phoenix King groaned behind a closed mouth. "For a long time, we of the Fire Nation did the same thing others did. We used our bending only for martial arts. But during Sozin's reign, we discovered how to use it as fuel for machines and that began our age of enlightenment and advancement. And we wanted to spread this kind of advancement to the rest of the world, as Sozin tried to explain to Roku. But Roku wouldn't listen."

Zuko kept his narrowed eyes glued on his predecessor. But, a second later, he let his body slowly relax while keeping his arms crossed. "'Roku wouldn't listen'?"

"Sozin tried to elaborate to Roku on his wedding day, but Roku didn't want to hear it."

The scarred ruler perked up. "Actually… I'm glad you've brought that up again because it leads me to another question that's been on my mind. All throughout this talk, you've been praising the Fire Nation. And much more than I would expect, especially after this sudden revelation about your character. One way or another, regardless of all the mistakes the rest of the world was making with spirit-worship, use of bending, and whatever this force behind the spirit of the avatar was doing, you still had to see what was going on. If you're such a good person, why didn't you stop the evils that the Fire Nation was committing? Was it really a factor of 'heavy is the head that wears the crown' for all these years?"

The former ruler of the Fire Nation sighed and looked up at his son with a softness in his eyes. "Zuko."

"Yes?"

"Sit down, please."

The new Fire lord raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because with all the questions you've been asking me, I had a feeling this one was going to come up and I also have a feeling that it will knock you off your feet. So please, sit down. Being seated won't hurt you."

Zuko furrowed his brow, but then lowered himself onto both knees and then sat with his spine directly above his feet.

"You wanted to know about the Air Nomads and why they were killed? Why we invaded other lands? And why I laughed after you said we needed to make a world of peace and kindness?

The Fire lord nodded.

"Then I'll tell you why. And you will know why I thought you already knew what the side of good was."

* * *

><p><strong>THE FIRE NATION<strong>

* * *

><p>Ozai stared right into his son's eyes. "Remember how I told you that Sozin's reign had achieved advancement and enlightenment and wanted to spread it to the rest of the world?"<p>

Zuko matched his father's stare. "Yes."

"Did you know that we attacked the Earth Kingdom before the comet came?"

"Yes. Roku went to the Earth Kingdom and happened to see the conquered city. He then demanded that Sozin stop what he was doing and they didn't speak again until the night Sozin left Roku to die."

"Did you ever then wonder why, when the comet came, we attacked the Air Nomads?"

"So we could kill the next Avatar. Everyone knows that."

"No. And that's not what I asked."

The firebender's head perked up for a moment. "Yes that was."

"No. I asked if you ever wondered why we attacked the Air Nomads. I didn't ask if you knew why we went to the Air temples."

Zuko's stature began to waver. "Isn't the answer the same for both?"

"You're confused. Let me try asking a different way: Did you ever wonder why; with the Earth Kingdom being the largest country and the most powerful one next to ours, and with them already knowning our Fire lord had ambitions to take them over; why would we use the comet against the Air Nomads? All we wanted was the Avatar, who wouldn't have been of age yet. Keep in mind, this action would've taken coordinated planning, it wasn't just a spur-of-the-moment decision."

The new Fire lord took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Well, they didn't know which temple Aang was in…"

"Correct…"

"…But, as the Fire Sages knew who Roku was, those in charge of our military knew the monks would know who the Avatar was…"

"Correct…"

"…And while they would've like to just get the Avatar and then get back to the Earth Kingdom, the best bet was that the nomads wouldn't just give him or her up…"

"Also correct…"

"…They could guess what age Aang would've been by then, so anyone who didn't appear to be close to the age of 12 wouldn't have been who they were looking for…"

"Very good…"

"… And, given that they knew how powerful the comet can make firebenders, since it's come by like clockwork for countless centuries, they knew that, like some of the White Lotus members, a skilled enough master can stand up against the comet's boost to an average soldier…"

"Yes…"

"… But I still don't see what they would've used the comet for except to kill off all the Air Nomads."

The ex-Phoenix King continued to look directly at his son's eyes. "Because there wasn't another reason. That's exactly what the comet was used for."

Zuko's hands dropped and his eyes shot open. "What?"

"You seem surprised. I thought you knew that much already."

"But… but…" The Fire lord twisted his head left and right. "I thought you were going to tell me that… I don't know… some hippo-cows were falling from the sky, which you could tell from craters, and the soldiers were trying to protect the airbenders, which you could tell from scorch marks, but everything caught on fire when a monk Aang didn't like sneezed without covering his mouth, which you could-."

"_Zuko_!"

The scarred ruler lifted his head. "Sorry. But with everything that I've heard so far…" He then shook his head and regained his posture. "So then what _are_ you trying to tell me? They used the comet to capture or kill Aang."

"No, they didn't. Weren't you paying attention?"

"But… I was! They planned for the likely outcome-."

"Yes."

"… and attacked to kill the Avatar!"

"No."

"_What_? But that doesn't make-!" Zuko immediately stopped the next words in his throat, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Alright… Please explain."

Ozai continued to look right into his son's eyes. "Finding the Avatar was the main reason they _went_ to the temples. However, _attacking_ the Air Nomads was only something likely to occur. They used the comet because the airbenders, though peaceful, could be very powerful. It's just like how the Avatar trained hard to defeat me, but first asked me if I wanted to surrender. His primary goal was stopping me and the Fire Nation from what he thought was a huge massacre. Using his powers to fight mine was just something _very likely_ to occur."

The firebender furrowed his brow for a moment. Then his eyes widened as he smiled. "Oh…! I get it. It was like when I dueled the Earth Kingdom soldiers in that one town that didn't know I was a firebender. I only wanted the kid that they tied up to be safe, but I came forward, ready to fight, because I knew they probably weren't going to let him go just because I said a few words."

"Exactly. You see? They went to the temples for the Avatar. They timed it with the comet because they figured it would take a fight to get him or her."

"Yes, I do I see. You're saying they asked for the Avatar, didn't get him, demanded again, got refused again, and it would all become more and more tense until they forced their way into the temples and it somehow got physical?"

"Hmmm…" Ozai glanced at the ground. "I'm not sure of the exact details, but that sounds plausible."

Zuko furrowed his brow. "But that still doesn't justify what they did! That doesn't come _close_ to excusing genocide!"

"You're right, it didn't. And that's why we learned the lesson; the lesson no one else has."

"If they didn't, then-! Wait. What lesson that no one else has learned?"

The powerless bender sighed. "The lesson that genocide of your enemy is wrong. In all your days of travel, didn't you realize that the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom still employ it? They still practice genocide."

Zuko's jaw dropped.

"They've just never done it in as large numbers as we have. That was our wake up call and that's why we stopped."

The firebender continued to stare with his jaw slackened.

"First of all, you must realize that we don't commit genocide anymore. You've seen enemy soldiers in our prisons and you've seen the colonies we had where natives still resided and were treated rather well. Just look at Omashu and the village that those Freedom Fighters attacked. I certainly never got reports that the Earth Kingdom citizens looked beaten or malnourished. So, it's clear that the Fire Nation doesn't promote genocide anymore."

With his mouth still hanging, the new Fire lord nodded.

"But you've been all across the Earth Kingdom and to both Water Tribes! Tell me, what did you see in any of their prisons? You've spoken to the Avatar and his friends about their travels, right? Tell me, what did they see in the prisons?" Ozai narrowed his eyes. "I'll tell you what you didn't see. You never saw captured Fire Nation soldiers. Not one.

"Now, Zuko, are you really going to tell me that, in 100 years, no one had captured any Fire Nation soldier alive? Our troops were just that good or that careful compared to theirs, yet it still took us 100 years to win? The Southern Water Tribe was able to lure one of our naval ships into a trap and disable it. What did they do with the soldiers who tried to escape from that ship? I heard about the signal flare that the Avatar set off that you saw the day you met him. Surely someone had to be there to arm it. Why would you booby-trap an armory if you weren't about to be captured? And why not take weapons out of the weapon room when leaving?

"The Northern Water Tribe had old uniforms of ours in an armory. Did you ever hear what they did with the soldiers they captured? Did you ever hear of or see any prisons at all?

"And even if you can come up with some excuse: Soldiers are soldiers who know the risk, despite the fact that we take soldiers alive. Or the Water Tribes can't spare the resources, despite both having stable societies at one point and the Northern Tribe seemingly thriving. Or that we were the aggressors so we deserve it. Then think about this:

"As I've said, you've seen our colonies and heard stories about them. You've seen the way we treat the natives of our conquered cities. Now, tell me about the cities and towns you've seen that we took over, brought colonists to, and then the Earth Kingdom took back. How did they treat our colonists?"

Zuko's mouth began to quiver. His eyes quickly darted to the ground as he began mumbling. Sweat dripped from his brow as his teeth clench and small sounds continued to leave his throat. A few moments later, his face turned pale as he lifted his head up. "There weren't any places like that. I traveled all over the Earth Kingdom and I've never seen any place where the Earth Kingdom ran a town and there were Fire Nation colonists anywhere."

Ozai nodded. "Now, think. Were our troops just so good that once we conquered a town or a city, the Earth Kingdom never took it back; but at the same time, it took us 100 years to take over that country? Or maybe there's a reason you never saw those places or heard of anyone who the Earth Kingdom sent back to the homeland."

"But… But… but… couldn't they have sent them to another colony? Or just kicked them out immediately not caring where they went, just saying they weren't allowed in that city?"

"If that's the case, why didn't you or anyone you know ever run into any such refugees? You've came across several people from the Earth Kingdom who were refugees. Where were the Fire Nation colonists who were in the same situation? Or are you going to tell me that the luck of everyone you met was so bizarre, none of them ever came across colonial refugees, just Earth Kingdom ones?"

The former ruler of the Fire Nation watched his son's mouth move without words as the boy's eyes slid left to right. "You think that boy 'Jet' was an extremist radical? Or that woman, 'Hama'? Or almost anyone who's talked about fighting back against the Fire Nation? No. They aren't radicals! In this day and age, they're par for the course!"

"And I would very much wager that the separation of the Four Nations has to do with it. Seeing the enemy as nothing but some bizarre creature from a place you've never seen with customs you've never heard of or understand… I think it would make you act differently then if they were like someone you knew or had seen before."

The firebender managed to focus his eyes. "But I've seen people give mercy before. During the invasion when some of the troops made it into the city, they gave our soldiers the option to surrender without harm. Our troops even refused it at first, but then took their offer and were allowed to."

"Individuals are able to act differently then their government. Just look at the Dai Lee. Look at the Earth Kingdom soldiers you fought in the town that small town that didn't know you were a firebender. I've heard that the Avatar's waterbending teacher has a grandmother who disagreed with her whole culture so she moved to the other end of the world during a time of war; look at her. And, look at yourself; one way or another, you acted in a very different way than your government."

"This… this is unreal… I've never heard about anyone but the Fire Nation talk about how they committed genocide."

"Because they don't see it as wrong. They see it as just the thing you do in war. When we killed the Air Nomads, we saw the mistake and became the only government who recognizes that it's wrong. That's why we don't do it anymore. That's why I would never have killed everyone in the Earth Kingdom even if the comet stayed in the atmosphere for that long."

Zuko lowered his head and scowled. "We weren't the only government, though…"

Ozai gave his son a light nod. "I'm not sure if the Air Nomads were aware of another way for militaries to deal with the people they faced once fighting began. They may have also believed that best mentality, if you were going to fight, was all or nothing. Maybe the Avatar is an extremist of his culture, maybe not. Either way, whatever semblance of government the nomads had definitely would not have ordered it. All the more factors that would have contributed to us realizing that what we did should never be done again."

The Fire lord felt his body tense as he continued to scowl. "Then why did we lie about it? Why put in our history books that we attacked the 'Air Nation' and defeated their army?"

"A necessary evil that we don't tell everyone. After all, in my war room, I referred to them as the 'Air Nomads' quite casually. But to answer your question, since we now know and teach that genocide is wrong, wouldn't we be stabbing ourselves in the foot teaching the truth right away. The world needed us too much to get it out of these dark ages." The powerless bender groaned. "We did this for the betterment of our cause. Another trait that is common among governments."

"Lying to your people? Other than Ba Sing Se, who's done that?"

"For starters, Ba Sing Se. But I was mainly referring to inhibiting policies that keep the populace in order. We aren't the only ones that do that."

"Who else? What else?"

"Ba Sing Se with its lies, its walls, and the Dai Lee. The Northern Water Tribe with its status on women not being able to learn martial arts. Even the Air Nomads separated children from _at least_ one of their biological parents and all brothers from sisters and sisters from brothers. Do we have our faults, Zuko? Yes. But we let families be together. Our laws apply to everyone. And gender does not determine treatment."

The firebender looked up at his father. "But if we learned our lesson from wiping out the Air Nomads, why did we start attacking dragons? Why would Sozin turn on the very creatures we learned firebending from? He had a dragon himself!"

"Another necessary evil. Dragons are not some domestic beasts like messenger hawks or eel-hounds. They are sentient. Phony psychic powers or not, Ren and Shaw are prime examples."

"So why kill them? If they helped the Fire Nation, the war would've been over within a few years at the most."

"You just answered your own question. _If_ they helped us. They didn't. Why else would Sozin want to change the people's mindset about dragons from loyal friends who gave us firebending; into glorified trophies that bring you honor when they're killed. Like you said, a four year-old could tell you that having a flying, fire-breathing creature at your side during a war when your enemy didn't would make the battles much easier."

"But… But… If we learned so much from the genocide and we only commit evils out of necessity, why do attack harmless civilians for greed?"

The powerless bender furrowed his brow. "What are _you_ talking about?"

"I've heard of Fire Nation soldiers threatening innocent civilians. One of Aang's friends, Haru, told me of a time when a soldier came into his family's store and collected 'extra taxes' by threatening to burn down the place down. And the Rough Rhino gang has attacked civilians!"

"First, as I said, people can act differently then their governments. Be aware, Zuko, no leader can be everywhere at once. Two, yes, in times of war, some people can take a small position of power and let it go to their heads. Much like the Rough Rhino gang and those soldiers in the Earth Kingdom town that didn't know you were a firebender. Third, you said our soldier threatened to burn down that 'Haru' boy's store, but did the soldier actually hurt anyone or could it have just been a bluff?"

"No… No, Haru said the soldier left after getting the money. I don't know if it was a bluff or not."

"By the way, out of curiosity, was the soldier a man or a woman?"

The scarred ruler raised an eyebrow. "A man. Why?"

"Just curious. With the other nations, you know for sure when someone says 'soldier.' With us, since we have women in our military, I wasn't sure. Like I said, just curious."

Zuko perked his head up. "Actually, speaking of military treatment, if we aren't genocidal, what were we doing kidnapping benders of other elements? Yes that proves we were not genocidal, since we didn't kill them, but what were we going to do with them?"

"Simple, my son, bending may have helped turn our world into permanent dark age that we needed to rescue it from, but that didn't mean it wasn't a powerful weapon. And after we captured benders we put them in prisons and other detainment facilities, ensuring they'd be around when this war was over. With them around, we could show them all the other ways I mentioned that their talents could be used. How else do you explain why we captured them when killing them would've gotten them out of our hair so much easier and with less expense afterwards? And, why did we put in the effort, especially in the Southern Water Tribe, to capture benders when all that effort could have been directed towards killing or capturing their chief?

"This was our policy for decades, Zuko. It was not an illogical, spur-of-the-moment action. And you know that taking down a leader makes controlling his or her people easier. That's why Azula needed so desperately to control Long Feng so she could control the Dai Lee and to control the Earth king so she could control the Earth Kingdom. And that's why the invasion on the day of the eclipse was all about eight measly minutes to attack me.

"Do you see now? We put all that extra time, effort, and resources while making the prisoners do no substantial labor, if any, to give us a return. It would have been simpler, easier, and more obvious to conquer the enemy by killing them off."

Kneeling in front of his father's cell, the Fire lord buried his face in his hands. "This… this is too much."

"Now you see why I wanted you to sit down?"

The son nodded his head. "But what's this dark age you keep talking about? In the last 100 years, we've advanced so much. You said so yourself. And you keep talking about the world needing us to break it out of this era? Why by war? Why not discussion and demonstration? You know, peaceful ways."

The ex-Phoenix King let out a sigh. "It was the only way we could get the world to drop its borders. Sozin envisioned a world where borders and national distinctions were dropped and we could lead people from every land to enlightenment about how to use bending and prosperity with technology. In other words, a world where all lands are Fire Nation." He watched his son clutch his own forehead. "And with that authority and respect, we would begin trying to undo something that's kept the world technologically stagnant for ages. Ages that measure far beyond 100,000 years."

Zuko jumped to his feet but immediately felt the strength vanish from his legs. He quickly caught himself against the wall and then stared at his father through widened eyes as his skin turned pale.

Ozai watched his son slowly push himself away from the side of his prison cell, but still brace his hand against the stone wall. "Tell me, have you ever heard… No… _seen_ the story of the Cave of Two Lovers?"

The Fire lord began to breathe heavy breaths. "Just explain it! No questions! No back and forth! Just tell me!"

The powerless bender watched his son tremble in front of him. "Very well. If you should ever find yourself in a series of caves outside of Omashu, bring a powerful earthbender along so you can find the two lovers' tomb deep inside the mountain. When you read their story, which is etched into a large stone, don't just read the words, pay attention to the illustrations. They depict the world before earthbending existed. Thus, before the Avatar who's always bent all four elements."

"The images show a man and woman in robes that appear very similar to the ones we wear today and houses that you might still find in rural areas and places like Kyoshi Island. Though I can't say for sure what the material they used was, as those drawings might have been more for show and flashiness then accuracy. However, that part isn't the scary part. The scary part is when you see the images of the weapons being used."

Zuko could feel his whole body going numb. "What weapons?"

"Clear images that could not be mistaken for anything else."

"WHAT WEAPONS?"

The former ruler of the Fire Nation and the man who was once the most powerful firebender on the planet looked up at his son. "Arrows. Arrows from a bow."

The Fire lord immediately snapped out of his stupor. "'Arrows'?" He snarled. "Bows and arrows!" Flames erupted from his mouth and hands as he spoke. "The Fire Nation destroyed millions of lives because of _bows and arrows_?"

However, the ex-Phoenix King remained calm. "You're not thinking again."

"_What aren't I thinking about_? _What am I missing, huh_? _My nation is responsible for countless graves because of something you can find at a weapon shop on a side street_!"

Ozai narrowed his eyes. "Calm down and LISTEN! If you _think_, you'll see why!"

"_Why_ _then_? _Why_?"

"What's the average life span of an avatar?"

Zuko's eyes widened before glaring at his father. "What does that have to do with _anything_?"

"Answer the questions and find out."

The son snarled loudly as dark smoke escaped his throat. He then led out a loud roar as he shot a steam of fire at the ceiling. When the flames ceased, the scarred Fire lord continued to stare upwards. "Avatars can live for over a century. If I had to guess, discarding murders and unnatural deaths like with Roku, the average age would be around 160 at least."

The ex-Phoenix King smiled. "That sounds like a good estimate."

The firebender whipped his head down as smoke poured from his throat. "Now tell me what that means?"

"And how many avatars have there been? Again, just estimate."

"Tell me what it means!"

"You need to answer these questions!"

"Fine! A thousand! There have been roughly 1,000 avatars!"

"Correct. Now, what-?"

"NO MORE QUESTIONS!"

"ONE! One more question!"

"_No_!" Fire shot out of the scarred man's mouth. "_If you don't tell me what it means, I will-_!"

"What is 160 multiplied by 1,000?"

The firebender paused. "Why… would you ask that?"

"Let's try it this way: If all avatars have always been able to bend all four elements, therefore, the first avatar could not have gone through his or her entire life without knowing earthbending; bows and arrows were a viable weapon back before earthbending existed, much like they are now; and there have been almost 1,000 avatars since that first one, each avatar living an average of 160 years; what is the approximate-least amount of time that has to have passed since the world develop the technology of the bow and arrow?"

The flames died in the Fire lord's throat as he collapsed to the ground and landed on his hands and knees. The color rushed out of his skin as cold sweat began to rain off his brow and he strained to keep steady. "One hundred… and sixty… thousand…"

The ex-Phoenix King slowly nodded. "It's been, _at least_, 160,000 years since the day that earthbending was developed and at least that many years since the bow and arrow was invented. One hundred and sixty thousand years of the technology of our world being a slow crawl. And keep in mind, this calculation assumes that bows and arrows were invented on that day and the first avatar existed at that time and learned earthbending on that day. For all we know, this could have been two-, three-, maybe four hundred thousand years or more!

"All those generations. All the things we could be able to do right now. Medicine. Science. Transportation. Information gathering. Even just simple recreation and entertainment."

The powerless bender kept his eyes on his son. "Do you see now? We had to do it. We had to give the world a wake up call and now that we've lost I don't know what will happen. Hopefully, the world will continue to advance at the pace the Fire Nation set. Hopefully, bending will be seen as more than just how to hurt and kill others. Hopefully, the Avatar's absence has diminished the authority he can wield and people will cease being stratified from those different than them.

"Hopefully, we've done enough."

The firebender spoke as his body shook. "But… h… how do I know Sozin knew? H… how can you prove the Fire Nation had ever seen that story?"

"The story itself only proves how long we've been in this dark age. We have recorded history, Zuko. Even if we'd never seen that story, we'd be able to see that generation after generation, all across the globe, all lived the exact same way and was stagnant in their knowledge and technology."

"You can't be so certain Sozin attacked because of that! How do you know it wasn't for selfish reasons?"

"Was their selfishness in it? Maybe. Maybe he wanted himself and the Fire Nation to be seen as heroes. But I've read Sozin's last will and testament and I know you did as well from a sage who spied you reading it. So tell me, when your great-grandfathers were talking on Roku's wedding day, did Sozin speak as though he was power hungry or as though he was sincere about helping others? And before you think that it may have been a lie, regardless on your feelings of the spirit of the avatar, would he have been stupid enough to sit down and consciously consider asking Roku for help if he just wanted power? I don't think so."

Zuko's fingers dug into the stone floor. "This is… this is… I don't understand. I always thought Fate and Destiny wouldn't do things like this."

"'Fate and Destiny'?" Ozai scoffed. "Zuko, Fate and Destiny can be like a storyteller. There might be a plan. There might be a direction. But, the longer an event plays out, the more it can deviate from the path that Fate and Destiny wanted it to be on!

"Storytellers will tell you how a character can be added or brought back more times then they intended. New locations are added and with them new events that carry new impacts in the characters' minds. A slight change in someone's dialogue to make it sound better can, chapters later, cause a huge difference between where the storyteller wanted that character to be and where they actually turn out to be. Plain and simple, the people in a story and the story itself will take on lives of their own!

"Do you want to know what the truth is in our story, regardless of what Fate and Destiny wanted? Here's what it is: I'm a good father and a good person! Azula is a good sister and a good person! Iroh is the manipulative, power-hungry member of the family! The spirits are almost all parasites! Parasites who use bending to keep us locked in a dark age that's kept in line by the spirit of the avatar! And in this world of kill-only bending, governments that harm their own people, genocidal war practices, and no one else able to make a difference, the Fire Nation _WAS THE GOOD GUYS_!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: If any of you still have your heads on straight, I hope the wait was worth it. I spent over two months writing the entirety of Sozin's Comet for this satire and I am nothing short of happy with how it came out. I won't give you an 'I told you so' or 'What did I tell you.' Because right now I'm sure you're all going over whatever notes you took and checking this last section again for any mistakes I might have made.**

**To those of you who are doing that-**

_**Toph: Go for it!**_

**Couldn't have said it any better, Toph. I mean that. I didn't write this because I had some wacky conspiracy theory and wanted to convince everyone it was true. I wrote this last part because I honestly think it's correct. After spending over a year of build up for this last part of Sozin's Comet, I was still ready to throw the whole thing out whenever a thought popped into my head and I couldn't come up with an indisputable or at least very, very, very good reason for it to have happened. Truthfully, I was about to throw everything from the Avatar Spirit, Bending, and Fire Nation sections out because Kyoshi gave Chin the Conqueror a free pass until he attacked her peninsula. If I hadn't looked at what else that could have meant, this would have stopped at the Iroh part.**

**Also, no lie, as I was going over the final edit, some things about the fate of Ursa popped into my head and I was prepared to throw this out again until I justified them.  
><strong>

_**Toph: Alright, alright! Enough with the serious talk. That's a big chunk of it, yeah, but let's give the fans a talk about the rest of the AtLA finale. For starters, I was pleased with the number of lines I received.**_

**I… Really?**

_**Toph: Oh, I'm sorry, should I have told a story of Thanksgiving where there were lines of food so I can make a stupid pun!**_

**Hehe. Touché. The rest of Sozin's Comet was a blast to write. Every single part of this was so aggravating to go over and over and over but the end result was just hilarious. All the little points that were one or three paragraphs long were a relief to me whenever I had gotten done with several pages that only consisted of one scene. I'm also really glad I got a spot for Koh.**

_**Toph: I'm glad I got so many wonderful parts to play in taking apart absolutely everything involved in Iroh's 'genius' liberation of Ba Sing Se. Honestly, who else but me would've called the guy an old windbag and made it sound so right? And the blimpbending powers of Home Wrecker, a.k.a. Suki? I'm very glad I'm the one who called that tart out on it.**_

**I was more proud then anything else that I got to take apart the avatar state scene as well as spirit bending in ways that worked for my satire. And, of course, the 'Crackers a lot' and 'Veggie eat a' bit is going to be my favorite for years to come.**

_**Toph: Sugar Queen's list of good things had me cracking up.**_

**Don't forget about everyone learned responsibility was for suckers.**

_**Toph: Everyone else learned that. I already knew.**_

**And let's not forget my homage to the good people at How It Should Have Ended with How AtLA SHOULD have Ended. Those people were the real inspiration for this satire. I was always on the fence about doing something like this and, one day, I was-.**

_**Toph: Is this gonna be another bad pun?**_

**Nope, real thing this time. I was browsing their forums and someone mentioned they should do an ending for Avatar the Last Airbender. The post right after that was someone saying that they needed one for every episode of the show. Well, that settled that. I immediately went to work on this and uploaded the first chapter back on May 27, 2011 and have been posting every week ever since.**

_**Toph: And I applaud you again for that. Is there anything else to say?**_

**Just the usual.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for**

**The Third Special Treat**


	64. The Third Special Treat

_Wow... the reviews I got were not at all what I expected. I thought I'd be writing another 150+ pages of debate back and forth between countless people elaborating and going over every detail of part 7 of Sozin's Comet. Instead, it turns out I did it so well, only 3 out of the countless people who read and reviewed that chapter didn't agree 100% with me. I actually had more people comment on how Zuko redirected some of Azula's lightening, which could justify Katara's ability to heal him._

_Toph: Alright… Alright… You don't have to rub it in. You win the bet. Here!_

_Haha! No need to be sour. I told you I would do a good enough job to make people never look at AtLA the same- Hey! What the monkeyfeathers is this stuff?_

_Toph: Duh! They're called yuans._

_Yeah… And what exactly is the exchange rate of whatever-you-called-these to dollars? Maybe British pounds? Euros? I haven't been to Europe since 2007. I could use another trip there._

_Toph: I dunno. They're the currency used in Republic City and the URN._

_Oh no._

_Toph, please don't tell me that this stuff is from where I think it's from._

_Toph: The Legend of Korra!_

_I'm not doing a What SHOULD have Happened for that series! Stop asking me!_

_Toph: Dave, will you please-?_

_NO! Rolling intro!_

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: The Announcement of the Third Special Treat **

**For a long time now, I was pondering what to do for this special treat. I'd already given out ideas for fan fics, answered people's questions, and, with the exhausting time I knew it would take to finish Sozin's Comet, I was considering not doing it at all. Honesty, I would have been perfectly fine with ending this on the note that revealed the Fire Nation were the ones you should have been rooting for. However, one of my readers, Carrot-Bunny, came up with a really creative idea. Another FAQ like the first one, but with a twist.**

**I'm not going to answer questions this time. The characters from AtLA are going to answer them.**

**That's right. Everyone from the GAang, Ozai's angles, any general, soldier, Dai Lee agent, anyone that is a sentient, speaking character will answer any question you direct to any of them. Living, dead, spirit, mortal, as long as the character can talk, they'll be willing to talk to you. In other words, Appa, Momo, Hawky, and others won't be able to answer things, but everyone else will.  
><strong>

**So ask them anything. About the series. About this satire. About the Promise comic book. About themes in fan works. And… *sigh* yes, even about the Legend of Korra. Despite what I've told numerous people, "they" will watch the LoK episodes that are out so you can ask anyone from the AtLA series any questions you want about it.**

**Note that the AtLA series means only the Last Airbender. I can't speak for anyone from Legend of Korra.  
><strong>

**However, this does _not_ mean I'm going to do a What SHOULD have Happened for Legend of Korra. STOP ASKING ME TO DO THAT!**

_**Toph: Hey, Dave?**_

**Toph, I swear on everything holy, if you're going to ask-!**

_**Toph: No, not about LoK. Something else. Two things, actually.**_

**Oh… Alright, then. What's on your mind?**

_**Toph: I'm curious what the format for this is going to be? You know, the set up and such.**_

**Ah. Good question. What I'd like everyone to do is write down any questions they would like to ask as well as make sure to note who it's directed towards in the same way you'd write a letter to a celebrity or some other famous person. I'll be willing to answer a few questions myself, but only one per person and only if you have a question for a character from AtLA as well. Keep in mind that the questions will be posted verbatim so keep foul language and uncivil sexual dialogue out of it.**

**For example:**

_Dear Chit Sang,_

_Were you happy with your small part in AtLA? Would you have liked a bigger role? What would you have done with more screen time if Mike and Bryan gave it to you?_

_Sincerely,_

_[Your screenname]_

**Also, I'll be taking questions up until 12:00 a.m. on Friday, June 15, 2012. In other words, if Friday's already started where you live, it's past the deadline.**

**Did that answer your question?**

_**Toph: Yup.**_

**Ok. What's your second question?**

…**and why are you smiling like that?**

_**Toph: Are you going to make a What SHOULD have Happened for the Avatar series that comes after Korra?**_

…

…

…

**No. I won't. I'll be digging the hole to hide your body in.**

**That's all for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and be sure to join us next week for the finale of What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender**

**FAQ to the Cast**


	65. FAQ to the Cast

_This is it, everyone; the very last chapter of WShHiAtLA. I can't begin to describe how honored I feel that all of you have stuck with me on this trek that's continued every single Friday for an entire year. We've shared laughs, tears, revelations, and a few head-scratchers along the way. However, through it all, I always knew one thing, I couldn't have asked for a better audience._

_So now, here's the last special treat and the last episode of my series._

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender: FAQ to the Cast of AtLA**

**Alright everyone, please take your seats at the panel. Aang, Katara, you're up in front on the first platform. Rest of the GAang, you're a row behind on the slightly higher one. Everyone else in the cast, you're at the big table on the third platform.**

_**Aang: Sounds good to me.**_

_**Katara: Heh! Me too.**_

_**Sokka: Shouldn't I be in the front row too? I'm one of the original three, after all. I should-. Ow! Toph…!**_

_**Toph: Quit your belly-aching and trust Dave. Believe me, he knows what he's doing. You and Zuko just take care of the barbeque.**_

_**Zuko: Why do I have to? Sokka's the one complaining.**_

_**Ozai: Heheh… Because that's what happens when you betray the good guys.**_

**Enough bickering. Let's just get everybody in their seats. As much as I hate to see this end, I want it to be in a great light.**

**Now, the first question is from Ty Lee Hyuuga and it is for, no surprise, Ty Lee.**

_**Ty Lee: Marshmallows!**_

… **I will assume that means something good.**

_**Azula & Mai: Yours is as good as ours.**_

**Moving on, Ty Lee Hyuuga writes:**

_Dear Ty Lee,_

_How do you feel about the Equalists from Legend of Korra using your chi-blocking? Are you honored that it's being used as the non-bender's fighting style of choice? Are you disappointed that they're using it for "seemingly" evil purposes? Do you think everyone should stop fighting before all their negative energy makes their skin break out?_

_Sincerely,_

_Ty Lee Hyuuga_

_**Ty Lee: Hmmm… Well, Me Hyuuga, to begin, the preponderancy of persons remain myopic concerning the ramifications a proper aura has on the denouement of ones life. Thus, I fully exculpate them for causing their own "negative energy," the proper term being odium anima, and any acne rosaceas that could form ipso facto.**_

_**As for the Equalists employment of chi-blocking, again the proper term being percuss to stymie evince, I can only shrug off any solecism due to the simple truth that the art of percuss to stymie evince is not my construct. This art matured and progressed from one epoch to another. If they were able to ascertain these techniques from another provenience, so be it.**_

…

**Wha-?**

_**Aang:…**_

_**Katara:…**_

_**Toph:…**_

_**Zuko:…**_

_**Mai:…**_

_**Azula:…**_

_**Sokka: Woman! What in the monkeyfeathers did you just say?**_

_**Suki: Sokka! You shouldn't talk to people like that! Degrading a member of the female gender by simply referring to her as 'woman' is wrong!"**_

_**Sokka: Ok… Ok… Sorry, Ty Lee.**_

_**Suki: That's better. Now, seriously, Ty Lee, what in Koh's Lair did you say?**_

_**Ursa: *Sigh* Allow me. She said that most people are unaware of auras and the negative energy, or odium anima, that a bad aura creates. Therefore, she is not mad at them for that. She also stated that percuss to stymie evince is not her creation; basically explaining that her being mad at the Equalists for using it would be like my Zukie-pie hating anyone who uses dao swords for evil because they use dao swords.**_

_**Zuko: MOM!**_

_**Azula: Ahahaha! 'Zukie-pie'? Oh, that kicks 'Zu-zu' out of the water!**_

_**Ursa: Azu-bear, don't tease your brother.**_

_**Zuko: So,… what kicks what out of the water, Azu-bear?**_

_**Azula: Shut it!**_

_**Ozai: I missed these moments.**_

**Moving on, Ty Lee Hyuuga, I hope that answered your question. Sokka, how's the cookout coming? I'm a little hungry and I don't think reading everything's gonna make me full.**

_**Sokka: Keep your pants on. Anyone who wants it rare, it'll be done by the next question.**_

_**Aang: Are we getting fruits and vegetables with this too? You know how I feel about meat.**_

_**Katara: Don't worry, Honey. I made sure that there were a lot of grilled vegetables, enough for everyone.**_

**Well, all I can say is that Sokka's going to have all the time he needs because we have quite a few questions from glowingqueen.**

**The first is for Katara**

_**Katara: Sounds good to me.**_

_I have a question for Katara concerning the skimirish at Yu Dao with the Fire Nation soldiers._

_Dear Master Katara:  
>Why were you about to hit the last Fire Nation soldier with a sharp icicle that could've seriously injure if not kill him when you and Aang used non-lethal force on the others and then gripethreaten Fire Lord Zuko when he put into a wrist lock, even after he was the person you and your "boyfriend" had to talk to and made you promise not to fight and injure his soldiers? Before that, why would you agree on making Aang keep his promise on killing Zuko if he goes out of control when he couldn't kill Ozai under extreme circumstances, Zuko saving your live more than twice, and you not even having the nerve to kill Yon Rha when you had the chance and crying at the thought of performing Bloodbending?_

_Sincerely,_

_glowingqueen_

_**Katara: Oooo… MASTER Katara… Haven't been called that in a while. Hehe, maybe you could call me that sometime, Sweetie.**_

_**Aang: Hmm… How 'bout for your birthday.**_

_**Katara: I like-.**_

_**Toph: Katara, believe me when I tell you that everyone is about to lose their appetite in more than one way. Please stop what you're saying and answer the question.**_

_**Katara: Fine… Well, glowingqueen, you may not be aware, but the heat of battle is not the time and place that the most logical decisions are made, that is why most planning is done far ahead of time. With that in mind, I have no reservations about killing my enemies in defense of myself or people I love. Put all that together plus that I was used to fighting Fire Nation soldiers with everything I had and you can see why I could have forgotten about making that deal with Aang.**_

_**Hope that answered your question… and why is everyone staring at me?**_

_**Cabbage Merchant: Your answer wasn't very funny.**_

_**Toph: Believe me, you wouldn't know the difference if she tried.**_

_**Katara: That is so not true. I'll prove it! glowingqueen, the reason I tried to stab that soldier with the icicle was to try and treat the heart burn he had as a firebender! You know, 'cause firebenders have passion and a… burning passion… and…**_

_**Aang: It's ok, Katara, you tried.**_

**And please never try again. Next question, again from glowingqueen, is for Aang.**

_I also have another question for Aang  
>Dear Avatar Aang,<br>Why were about to use lethal force on Fire Lord Zuko when he refused to release Katara? He did not even used Katara as a hostage/ human shield when all he wanted was for Katara to promise him to stop attacking? And why haven't you visited Zuko and the other world leaders about the Fire Nation colonies and other issues post-war at any time between the end of the war celebration at Jasmine Dragon and the ill-fated reception at Yu Dao? Why didn't you niped any of this in the butt when you didn't want to kill Zuko initially? Also, why did you have such a bad attitude with Zuko and your " girlfriend" when you were not only shown the condtions of the afroementioned town, but also the inter-racial marriages and the possible discrimation of the colonists if they were shipped back to the Fire Nation? And don't use the inequality card with me since the two teenagers already addressed it. So, what the hell is up with the mood whiplash?_

_Sincerely,_

_glowingqueen_

_**Aang: Wow… harsh. Well, as Katara explained, the battlefield isn't the best place to make plans. Leading up to my fight with Ozai, I had already psyched myself up to avoid delivering a death blow, which, admittedly, could have been done in a lot simpler ways.**_

**I can think of 8 ways.**

_**Aang: Ha. Ha. Anyway, in the heat of battle I wasn't really listening to what Zuko was saying, just that he was assaulting my girlfriend. Was it the best move? No. But with so much pressure on me to make de-colonization work, I goofed. Mulligan.**_

_**Zuko: You almost killed me! You can't just mulligan that!**_

_**Aang: And yet, I did. To answer your other questions, I didn't visit Zuko because there are a lot of problems that occur in a post-war environment and I legitimately earned some kind of a break. So, following the Jasmine Dragon rest stop, I decided to look at everything else everywhere else because I thought that Zuko and the Earth king could work things out on their own. As for the mood whiplash, three minutes of seeing good things doesn't instantly beat weeks and weeks of believing that bad things are happening. I made another mistake.**_

**Sounds good, sounds good. glowingqueen's next question is for Zuko.**

_**Sokka: Hang on one minute, Dave. Rare! Who wanted theirs cooked rare? If you did, it's ready!**_

_**Ursa: My husband and I did!**_

_**Cabbage Merchant: As did I.**_

_**Smellerbee: Longshot and me did too.**_

_**Aang: Can I get my grilled vegetables when Katara gets her meal?**_

_**Sokka: Sure thing, buddy. Anyone else for rare?**_

_**Pakku: I will take a cut of rare meat as well, my grandson. Kanna, dear, would you like rare as well?**_

_**Kanna: Oh course. You know I love tearing into the raw, bloody flesh of a freshy-killed animal.**_

_**Pakku: Hehe… Oh, my darling, that's the second best thing to have come from your mouth all day.**_

…

_**[Everyone else is the freakin' room]: …**_

_**Pakku: NO! NO! I was referring to: 'I love you, Pakku!' I swear! I swear!**_

_**Sokka: It's alright, grand-Pakku. After witnessing the dangers of war for so long, I've become well-adapt at repressing disturbing memories. Ok so that's eight cuts rare. Zuko, could you start on Aang's meal while I serve these.**_

_**Zuko: Sure. But only seven people wanted rare.**_

_**Sokka: I'm including myself.**_

_**Zuko: You can eat after what you just heard Pakku say?**_

_**Sokka: What about it? He said he wanted rare and asked my grandma if she wanted one too. What's wrong with that?**_

_**Toph: You know, in a disturbing way, I'm impressed. So, Dave, what's the question?**_

_Dear Fire Lord Zuko,  
>Why did you made that stupid promise with Avatar Aang when you had so much character development in both your banishements? Why haven't you instead propsed to the Avatar to join in the leftover issues at the colonies and other issues? And why haven't you written to Iroh about the stresses of ruling the country instead of consulting your father?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_glowingqueen_

_**Zuko: Why did I make the promise with Aang in the first place? Because of what Roku said, I didn't want to repeat what I thought were the same mistakes my forefathers had been making. I know, hard to believe Roku was actually right for once.**_

_**Roku: I heard that, you little whipper-snapper!**_

_**Zuko: Do you also hear yourself when you talk? Or how about that your volcanic island had lots and lots of water around it!**_

_**Back to your question, glowingqueen, I didn't want to lean on Aang and show that I needed him to help me solve every single little problem that exists. As for Iroh versus my father? Well, I think by now you know which one is the real manipulative bastard.**_

_**Iroh: True, but I'm the one who can actually win. Mmmm… this tea tastes so good. Tastes like victory over the whole world.**_

_**Zuko: Yeah, keep talking. Once my mother decides that your game is doing more harm than good for me, you're dead.**_

**Wow, bad blood. Who knew that a life time of manipulation would lead to someone being mad at you for it? Oh, well back to the questions. glowingqueen's fourth question is for Mai. Mai, you up for answering?**

_**Mai: Eh. Might as well. It's not like I've got anything else to do while I wait for my meal.**_

_Dear Lady Mai,  
>I know you have displayed more emotions when interacting with Zuko, but I still have some questions? Why did you not accompany Zuko to the colonies? Were you doing anything busy at the Capitol when Zuko is out of the homeland? You are the future Fire Lady for Spirits' sake! And from what I have seen, you haven't kissed Zuko let alone appear in 2-3 pages on Volume One?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_glowingqueen_

_**Mai: Alright, glowingqueen, first of all, that first sentence isn't a question. If you're going to waste my time, make sure it's a proper one. Second, I don't need to babysit my boyfriend; I trust him to take care of himself. Third, I don't need to give a detailed account of every moment of my life to everyone. Fourth, your last sentence isn't a question either, 'volume one' shouldn't be capitalized, and I don't need to suck my boyfriend's face every two seconds.**_

_**Zuko: You do need to be a little nicer to our readers, though.**_

**Zuko, you're gonna be changing that tune with glowingqueen's final question… for Katara.**

_**Katara: Oh no…**_

_**Zuko: Really? The shipping ones are coming this soon?**_

**Bingo, Zuki-pie.**

_I have another question for Katara for hooking up with Aang  
>Dear Katara,<br>Why on earth would you date a self-admitted 12-13 year old boy? He did not comfort you whenever you told him your mother's death at the hands of the Fire Nation at the Southern Air Temple, it was you who had to bring him out of the Avatar State! After he went into the Avatar State in the desert, he did not apologize for letting you, Sokka, and Toph down by making wild accusations at Toph for losing Appa and searching for the latter, leaving you guys out of the desert with no consideration on what might become of his remaining family. Ask him why didn't he act like you, sacrificing your grief and hopelessness and lead everyone out of the desert for the greater good about the eclipse? Or why did he arrange a dance party at the Fire Nation and not assisting you on helping the sick people on that river town? Oh, Aang helped but he backed off the rest of the episode after you were both caught and only Sokka defended you when you were found out as a Waterbender and not the real "Painted Lady"_

_The only non-family members who understand your pain of losing your mother was Zuko and Haru, who happen to be older boys. Are you that scared of courting a real man? Don't use Jet as an exuse! Think about it, your first impression of Aang was a lie( not knowing hte Avatar) and Zuko was the truth( regaining his honor). Aang left because he didn't want to be the Avatar( selfishness) while Zuko was banished because of selflessness( protesting at the war room). The former was treated well but the latter was treated abysmally._

_What gives?_

_Sincerely,_

_glowingqueen_

_**Mai: Can I kill her right here, right now?**_

_**Aang: Ugh… No. You do not have permission to-.**_

_**Mai: That wasn't asking permission. That was asking if you thought I could make the shot from where I'm sitting.**_

_**Aang: Just let MY GIRLFRIEND handle it.**_

_**Katara: Thank you, Aang. Ehem. glowingqueen, I can basically answer all of your questions with three statements. One: No one's perfect. Two: Do you really think that every successful relationship in history has only been with people who perfectly fill in the cracks of the other? And, third: I have my own standards. Allow me to elaborate.**_

_**Aang's made mistakes and so have I. I think if you want me to throw myself at Zuko's bed post, you want me to be forgiving of mistakes. Well, guess what? Aang's mistakes are far less than Zuko's in my book. Plus, it's not a matter of being perfect for someone. You're actually being really shallow and stuck up if you aren't willing to be with someone unless they are exactly and perfectly who you want them to be; it's also really creepy. Finally, so what if I have no problem dating younger than me? It's two years, not twenty.**_

_**And on a P.S. note, I've known Haru for barely anytime at all. While I know he's a nice guy, I learned my lesson about dating someone you just met. With Zuko, yeah I'm willing to forgive him, but a lot of my memories of him are still running from him or fighting him with the risk of death looming over my head. Sorry that I don't want to jump on top of someone who was once ready to kill me to get to my friend!**_

**Wow. Well said, Katara.**

_**Aang: That's why I love her.**_

**I might just have to rethink my stance on the way Mike and Bryan did your relationship.**

**Hmm… Nah. Still hate it. Don't mind you two being together. Just hate the way they made it happen. However, speaking of things that took place in some point and time: How's everyone enjoying the meal so far?**

_**Ozai: This is absolutely delicious!**_

_**Ursa: I'll say. I haven't had anything close to this in ages.**_

_**Cabbage Merchant: I'd gladly trade all of my cabbages for this recipe.**_

_**Sokka: Wow. Thank you all. But, far as I know, knowing the recipe isn't going to let you make the meal yourself.**_

_**Cabbage Merchant: Why's tha… Oh. Right.**_

**Meantime, how's the rest of you enjoying it.**

_**Longshot: It's wonderful.**_

_**Smellerbee: Like a party of flavor.**_

_**Pakku: You certainly have a talent for this. I may let you call me gramp-gramp after all.**_

_**Kanna: My grandson is a true culinary genius.**_

_**Sokka: Why thank you. And I must say, this meal was definitely worth the wait.**_

_**Toph: Alright, enough dilly-dallying! Get me a medium-rare and on with the questions!**_

**You know, I'm going to miss your rambunctious attitude, Toph. Well, before we go diving into questions, who else wanted medium-rare?**

_**Katara: Me.**_

_**Jet: And me.**_

_**Long Feng: Everyone seems to be giving them good reviews, I'll have one too.**_

_**Zhao: As shall I.**_

_**Aang: Don't forget my vegetables.**_

_**Suki: Sokka, Honey, I'll take a medium-rare too.**_

_**Sokka: Alright, Zuko, get seven cuts of medium-rare, plus Aang's vegetables.**_

_**Zuko: There were only six people who asked.**_

_**Sokka: Hello? Counting myself!**_

_**Zuko: But you had one already.**_

_**Sokka: Yeah. I know. I've only had one.**_

_**Toph: And THAT is why I gave up on dating Sokka. I am not that good of a cook.**_

**Ok… We have another set of multi-questions from the young lady who proposed this whole FAQ idea, Carrot-Bunny! Don't worry, she has no shipping-related questions.**

_**[Everyone in the room]: YAY!**_

_Dear Yue,_

_If you hadn't become the Moon Spirit, would you have stayed in the Northern Water Tribe or would you have followed Sokka around the world with the Avatar? And can you actually bend?_

_Sincerely,_

_Carrot-Bunny_

_**Yue: Well, child, I must say those are very good questions. While I did have the ability to bend, thanks to the gift of the Moon Spirit. I have to say that, if I were still alive… oh dear, I'm blushing,… I would currently be married to Sok-.**_

_**Suki: She'd be at the North Pole!**_

_**Yue: Well, actually, I think I would-.**_

_**Suki: Be at the North Pole! You'd have been there all the time, stayed there, and Aang, Katara, AND SOKKA, would all have left!**_

_**Yue: Now, see here, I will not be-.**_

_**Suki: WOMAN! UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU IN WAY THAT'S SAVED FOR NIGHTMARES AND WILL MAKE ZHAO GRATEFUL HE DOESN'T SHARE MY FATE, YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT YOUR BLEACHED-WHITE %## AT THE NORTH POLE!**_

_**Yue: Um… I… I would have stayed at the North Pole…**_

**Ok, for future reference, no one is permitted to threaten anyone else. Understood? Good. Now a question for Aang.**

_Dear Aang,_

_Have you ever thought of using Appa in battles? You know, unleash him on a troop of Fire Nation soldiers by making him land on them?_

_Sincerely,_

_Carrot-Bunny_

_**Aang: Aww… That's cute. She thinks that Appa would actually do that. To answer your question, yes. Unfortunately, Appa and bravery was like the closest tree to your house and a galaxy that's 200 trillion light years away. Not gonna meet.**_

**Too bad. Too bad. The next one and last from Carrot-Bunny is for me. Let's see what she writes.**

_Dear Dave,_

_Do you think the plot of Legend Of Korra is going well currently?_

_Sincerely,_

_Carrot-Bunny_

**Figured I'd be getting this one sooner or later. Alright, I like what's going on in LoK, but I don't really like the show. I know that doesn't make sense, but it will when I tell you that I'm also a fan of X-Men. And, believe me, LoK looks so much like the 90's X-Men cartoon, it's scary.**

_**Toph: Uh oh.**_

_**Katara: What?**_

_**Toph: Brace yourselves.**_

**I mean, first we have that anti-mutant agenda from an organization that blames a few evil benders for everything and then associates all benders with them. Then they have that thing that takes mutant-powers away. Then the sentinels show up and Toph's daughter whips out her Wolverine claws and attacks them in the EXACT SAME WAY Wolverine attacked a sentinel in the 2nd episode! Oh and let's not forget how Tenzin might as well be Professor Xavier! And Air Temple Island may as well be the mansion they all live at.**

**On a separate note, don't get me started on the shipping! Holy crap! I mean, I know I hated how little Katara x Aang's relationship was emphasized, but Korra and Mako is being forced down our throats! I bet Twilight had more subtlety then this!**

**Also, you're all asking me about What SHOULD have Happened in LoK? Here's what SHOULD have happened. Let me get out my megaphone because I don't think every idiot on that show can hear me otherwise.**

**ATTENTION, BENDERS OF REPUBLIC CITY: **

**WHEN AMON IS ABOUT TO TAKE YOUR BENDING AWAY AND HE HAS ONE OF YOUR ARMS PINNED BEHIND YOUR BACK, USE YOUR OTHER HAND TO BLOCK YOUR FOREHEAD! YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT IS NOT BEING PINNED BEHIND YOUR BACK! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE! **

**SHOULD BOTH ARMS BE CUFFED OR PINNED. MOVE YOUR NECK TO MOVE YOUR HEAD! AGAIN, NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!**

**FIREBENDERS, IF YOUR ARMS ARE STUCK AND YOUR NECK IS IMMOBILE, KICK FIRE! KICK IT AT HIM! YOU FREAKING MORONS!**

_**Toph: DAVE!**_

**What?**

_**Toph: You made your point. Moving on.**_

**Fine. Fine. Next question is from-.**

_**Sokka: Medium-rare is ready! Sorry, Dave, but food comes first. And speaking of first, my darling, Suki, you get first choice.**_

_**Suki: Why thank you. Mmm… this meat is really good. Did you put seasoning on it?**_

_**Sokka: Nope. It just comes like that.**_

_**Katara: Bloodbending-repression too the rescue. However, this is delicious. Aang, Sweetie, do you want to try some?**_

_**Aang: Katara, I'm a vegetarian, rememb… Eh, sure. Why not? Just this once.**_

_**Katara: Here you go.**_

_**Aang: Mmmm… Sokka. This actually is good. Oh, Momo, do you want a bite too?**_

_**Momo: *Squeak squeak***_

_**Aang: There you are buddy.**_

_**Momo: *Squuuuueeeaaak!***_

_**Toph: Gotta hand it to ya, Sokka. All that eating makes you an expert on food.**_

_**Jet: Your instincts sure know how to cook.**_

_**Zhao: I'm very glad I didn't do the world a disservice and kill you off.**_

_**Long Feng: I need to hypnotize you so you cook for me all the time.**_

_**Sokka: I will take those compliments with mixed enthusiasm. Anyway, Dave, the questions?**_

**Right, right. The next multiple set comes from our good friend, Dinobot14.**

_Dear Aang and/or Katara,  
>How would you of liked your relationship to be displayed in the series differently then how it was? Would you get rid of it completely or give it a more consistent and steadily growing romance as the show went on?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Aang: Personally, I would have appreciated more references to things that had happened between us. As Dave's said, the Cave of Two Lovers should have been talked about more.**_

_**Ozai: Indeed, it should have.**_

_**Aang: I meant what happened between me and Katara.**_

_**Katara: Yeah, I also would have liked it if Aang and I had some other alone time before the final moments so it didn't seem like I was just ok with him forcing a kiss on me when I told him no.**_

**All very sound answers. Next one from Dinobot14 is for… Me, again. Guess what it's about. **

_Dear Dave,  
>You have made your distaste for The Legend of Korra clear, but what would of you liked to see instead? Nothing? A prequel? a story about Aang later in life?<em>

Sincerely,

Dinobot14

**Well, at least it isn't directly about LoK. There actually is something that I'd like to see done differently. You know that bloodbending crime boss that Aang spiritbent? Make him the bad guy of LoK instead of Amon.**

**How cool would that be? A bloodbender that could bloodbend any time, only be resisted by the Avatar in the avatar state, could bloodbend with only his eyes, but also could make a wall out of babies whenever he was about to be attacked and launch innocent civilians or small animals at his foes. 'Especially under a full moon.**

**We all know Aang's thou-shalt-not-kill attitude was a last-minute thing.**

_**Aang: Hey!**_

_**Katara: Sweetie, it's true.**_

**But a peaceful way to resolve things gets a whole lot more important when your enemy isn't throwing inanimate fireballs at you, but small people and innocent large animals. Just imagine if Korra had to fight her way past Aang's spinning elements shield when he was in the avatar state, but instead of elements, it was babies. What would she do? And if that crime boss could whip a saber tooth moose-lion at her?**

**And here's the crowning moment of "What in the name of everything are you going to do?" that could have come from the show: Imagine,Korra doesn't know bloodbending but is immune to it in the avatar state. She somehow made it past the wall of babies and small animals and found a way to not kill any of them. She's about to kill the crime boss or take away his bending, but he reveals that he tore the heart of Tenzin's baby boy, Rowlin. However, the kid isn't dead yet because this bloodbending guy is manually pumping Rowlin's heart. So, if the villain dies or loses his powers, that little baby of her teacher dies.**

**_That_ is an awesome way to end a series.**

_**Ursa: Wow… I just… I need a cigarette or something.**_

_**Ozai: Me too.**_

_**Cabbage Merchant: I would give all of my cabbages to be a part of that.**_

_**Toph: Told ya' he knows what he's doing.**_

**Glad I got that out of my system. Next one of Dinobot's is for Aang again.**

_Dear Aang,  
>Were you really dense enough to think Momo was the last lemur in the world or was that just the fans assuming an opinion of yours?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Aang: Well, Dinobot, have you seen any lemurs in LoK yet? I haven't. So I guess I was right.**_

_**Katara: That's my sweetie.**_

**Alright the next one is for Mai.**

_**Mai: Joy…**_

_**Sokka: Since Mai is so unenthusiastic, can I take this moment to ask who's gonna want theirs cooked medium? **_

_**Mai: Well, I guess I will.**_

_**Zuko: Might as well take mine medium.**_

_**Hakoda: Seems like a good time to have mine.**_

_**Gyatso: Well, if my best pupil says they're good, I'll have mine medium as well.**_

**Get me a medium one too.**

_**Sokka: Alright, six mediums.**_

_**Zuko: But there were only… Nevermind.**_

_**Mai: So what's the question?**_

_Dear Mai,  
>Are your knives magic? Or are you secretly a firebender that can use fire to propel your knives at incredible rate in order to make a person fly back and get pinned to a wall?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Mai: Really? That's your question? A world full of mystic spirits, the ability to bend and shoot the elements, and reincarnating humanoid avatar, and the thing you find hardest to believe is that I just have a really good throwing arm?**_

_**That's the only answer you're getting out of me.**_

**Man, she is sour. See, this is why I thought Jin would make a much better-.**

_**Zuko: Don't you start!**_

**Ok, ok. Now Dinobot14 has a question for Toph.**

_**Toph: Finally!**_

_Dear Toph,  
>Why does Dave hate LoK so much? He told me that it reminded him too much of X-men, but is that the only reason?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Toph: Seriously? He's answered that already!**_

**Another one of Dinobot14's for Katara and Aang.**

_**Aang: Let's hear it. This guy's got some good questions.**_

_Dear Katara...or maybe Aang I guess,  
>What would of you done if you found out that the next Avatar after Aang had turned out to be your grandchild or great grandchild through Kya's bloodline? Do you think that could of been a possibility?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Katara: A possibility? I suppose Tenzin, Bumi, or Kya could have married a waterbender. It would be unusual, but kind of neat. I would be tempted to get him or her to be as spiritual as possible so I could talk to Aang more. I'd feel guilty for that. But if I didn't, I'd feel guilty for not trying to talk to Aang.**_

_**Darn it! You're a horrible person, Dinobot14!**_

**Um… Uh… Next one is for Sokka.**

_**Sokka: I'm kinda worried about this.**_

_Dear Sokka,  
>Does that boomerang of yours actually have a sharp edge? If it does, how have you managed not to lose a finger or really cut someone with it by now? Also, did that Rose you ate the beginning of the Southern Raiders taste good?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Sokka: Hmmm… This one isn't so bad. Anyway, if you can't tell, only one side of the boomerang, the side that is opposite the side I hold it on, is actually sharp. If too much of it was sharp, it would obviously have cut a lot of unarmored people and things. Also, the rose tasted awful... But the flower tasted sweet.  
><strong>_

_**Suki: Yours didn't taste bad either.  
><strong>_

_**Katara: And... repression.**_

**Alright. Simple questions, simple answers. Dinobot14's next question is for Zuko.**

_Dear Zuko,  
>Has it occurred to you that as a world leader you could probably get some spirit water and a healer to try and fix that mess of a face?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Zuko: Actually, yes. It has. However, if your mess of a pair of eyes had read what Dave pointed out in the scene where Aang used all four elements to take my father's bending away, the Spirit Oasis's water can't actually heal scars. Katara was wrong.**_

_**Katara: Good thing I didn't use it on you.**_

_**Zuko: 'Nother one to add to the good things list, huh?**_

_**Katara: Ha. Ha.**_

**Alright, loverbirds,… hehehe… what number of his are we up to? His next one's for Hakoda.**

_Dear Hakoda,  
>Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should of brought the rest of your tribe with you? There were what like a dozen adults and half as many children; given the size of your little force you had already I'm sure they could of squeezed in with you as opposed to ditching them to live by themselves with a 15 year old to protect them all.<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Hakoda: Well, Dinobot14, being thousands of miles away from the front line of a war is infinitely safer than being 20 feet from it. Also, my mother, Kanna was with the village, so it wasn't just a 15 year old. Honestly, that question should have been obvious.**_

**Yeah, I suppose it should have. Well, maybe this one for Gyatso will be better.**

_Dear Gyatso,  
>So...what ever happened to not killing human beings, eh buddy?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Gyatso: Dear Dinobot14, you teach children not to lie. Adults know there is a need to lie at times. You tell children not to run across a street. Adults run across the street when they believe it is safe to and necessary. You teach children to always listen to the teachers and people in charge. Adults are to practice thinking for themselves and not blindly accept an authority figure's decision.**_

_**I hope that answer's your question.**_

**Very well said, Gyatso. You're one of the few wise people I actually respected. Let's see if Toph can match your sage-like manners.**

_**Toph: HA!**_

_**Sokka: Hold that thought, Toph and Dave. Order up! Ok, one medium for Mai, one for Zuko, one for Dad, Gyatso, Dave, and me.**_

_**Zuko: Holy, Agni! This is wonderful!**_

_**Mai: WOW! This is… great!**_

_**Hakoda: Well done, Son!**_

_**Gyatso: Aang was right. This is perfect.  
><strong>_

**Best cut of meat I've ever had. So… mmm… delicious.**

_**Sokka: I aim to please. So, Ty Lee, Azula, **_

_Dear Toph,  
>Any guesses as to who your baby daddy was?<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Toph:… Dave, do I have permi-?**_

**Whoa. For that? Yeah, you've got permission.**

_**Toph: Dinobot14, start sleeping with one eye open. And if you value your life, don't ever stop sleeping that way, 'cause I will know when it happens.**_

**And Dinobot14's final question is to the entire GAang.**

_**Toph: Is it his choice between cremation and burial?**_

**No. It is…**

_Dear The Gaang, (Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Zuko,... and Suki I guess)  
>What would your reactions be to all of the fanfictions and fanart of our world? Specifically the shipping and M rated stuff.<em>

_Sincerely,_

_Dinobot14_

_**Aang: Well, Dinobot14, I think I speak for all of my friends and, really, everyone in the Avatar universe when I say: Your world is full of beauty, humor, wit, drama, and splender. Some of your works that honor us are truly breathtaking, regardless of what relationship they favor if any. However, everything else disgusts to the point where we would like Koh to take our faces if for no other reason than so our eyes would be gone.**_

_**Katara: That sounds right.**_

_**Zuko: Nail on the head.**_

_**Toph: Bullseye.**_

_**Sokka: I've actually repressed most of it, so I only remember the good stuff.**_

_**Suki: I wish I was still in the Boiling Rock so I wouldn't be able to see it.**_

**And, lastly, we have a list of questions from my good friend Megabob452. First one's for Aang.**

_To Aang:_

_Who would you trust to face Koh in your place?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Aang: In all seriousness, no one. Koh is dangerous and horrible. I wouldn't let anyone take over for me in such a precarious endeavor.**_

**Simple question, deep, philosophical answer. Next up, Sokka.**

_**Sokka: Before we get to that, the rest of the meat is already past medium-well, so is everyone else gonna be ok with well-done?**_

_**Azula: Sounds acceptable.**_

_**Ty Lee: Clouds.**_

_**Roku: That's fine.**_

_**Iroh: A man my age has the whole world at his disposal. Well-done is fine.**_

_**Yue: That'll be fine for me.**_

_**Sokka: Alright then. Zuko, divide the rest into six portions-.**_

_**Zuko: Sure…**_

_**Sokka: And, Dave, roll the question.**_

_To Sokka: _

_Who would you ask to the Golden Dragon Dance? Suki, or Princess Yue?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Sokka: Dear, Bob. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it would forfeit my life one way or the other.**_

**Smart move, Sokka. Smart move. Katara's turn.**

_To Katara:_

_Would you dare unmask the Blue Spirit?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Katara: Yes. Yes, I would. Hehe… 'Course, I'd have made sure I was far away from any Fire Nation soldiers before I wasted my time doing that.**_

_**Aang: Oh, ha ha! Before you do that, though, teach me how to heal with waterbending.**_

**Young love… sigh… Next is for Toph**

_To Toph:_

_If you could trade any one of your senses for sight, which would it be?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Toph: Oh, that's an easy one, Megabob452. I'd give up my sense of responsibility!**_

**I don't think you can give up something you don't have.**

_**Toph: Shh! He doesn't know that rule.**_

**Zuko, would you like a turn?**

_**Zuko: Yeah, sure.**_

_To Zuko:_

_How do you feel about the Legend of Korra character that has your voice?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Zuko: I feel he's like a son to me. Figured I should say that before Mike and Bryan give him some honor-filled line and Tenzin says "You sound just like your father." Or grandfather or great-grandfather or whatever my relationship is supposed to be to him.**_

_**Jet: Yeah, it's not really clear.**_

**I'm not looking forward to that line either. Iroh, you're up.**

_**Iroh: It is about time that the ruler of the world was recognized.**_

_To Iroh: _

_How do you feel about the Legend of Korra character that has your name?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Iroh: It made me happy to know that my master plan came and went with no one the wiser. However, it then made me confused as to why an officer in charge of countless ships had the rank of general instead of admiral. I mean, there has been an established split in rank between ground forces and naval forces.**_

**Yeah, but things could have changed in the past decades. So I was going to let that slide. What shocked me was that he had all those war ships just floating in the middle of the ocean doing nothing at all.**

**Strange. Oh, hey. Megabob452's next question is for Azula.**

_**Sokka: Want your meal before you answer?**_

_**Azula: Yes, you may serve me.**_

_**Sokka: Ugh… Alright. I think that's everyone. Enjoy.**_

_**Azula: WOW! I am so sorry I was mean to you. This is incredible.**_

_**Ty Lee: A more pulchritudinous mélange of flavor has never before anointed my gustatory sense! It is truly pony-rabbit!**_

_**Yue: By the Moon and Ocean! Suki, I don't care what you do to me, if I hadn't died, I'd be jumping on top of Sokka every night!**_

_**Roku: I'd die all over again for this dish!**_

_**Iroh: How foolish of me to think that conquest of the world was equal to such a delicacy!**_

_To Azula:_

_Would you teach Iroh II how to bend blue fire?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Azula: I don't even know what happened to me in the story. And don't give me that 'she was locked in an asylum' crap. So, to answer your question, I don't know if I can or not.**_

**Sour about that question not being answered clearly. Ty Lee, you ready for another question?**

_**Ty Lee: Ribbons!**_

**Right…**

_To Ty Lee:_

_If you could learn airbending, would you?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Ty Lee: Megabob452,… Yes.**_

**And I got out my thesaurus for nothing. Mai, you're up again.**

_To Mai:_

_Do you know how to sew?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Zuko: Oh, come on. That has to be the most ridiculous question-.**_

_**Mai: Yeah, I do.**_

_**Zuko: Seriously?**_

_**Aang: Of course she does.**_

_**Yue: Yeah. Everyone knows she can.**_

_**Suki: It's pretty obvious.**_

_**Zuko: Wait, how come you never told me?**_

_**[Everyone else in the room]: You never asked.**_

**Poor Zuki-pie. Never thinking about things. But here's a question for someone who does think, Ozai!**

_To Ozai:_

_Jedi, or Joker?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

_**Ozai: Christopher "Maverick" Blair**_

**$%^ yeah! Three people reading this will know who that is!**

_**Ursa: Oh, we are going to do SO many illegal things when we get home.**_

**So much beautiful love at the end of our series. Oooh. Here's a good one from Megabob452.**

_To Koh: _

_Would it be a challenge to take Mai's face?_

_Sincerely_

_Bob_

**Everyone, turn away!**

_**Koh: I don't think so. She pretends to put up a brave front, but I know her secrets. I know ALL OF YOURS!**_

**Safe to look. And Megabob452's last question for me is… Oh for… Ugh…**

_**Toph: Feels like something bad.**_

**It is.**

_To Dave: _

_Are you going to make a What SHOULD Have Happened for The Last Airbender?_

Sincerely LOLing,

_Bob_

**Toph?**

_**Toph: Yeah?**_

…

…

…

**Thanks for all your help from the middle of Book 2 and on.**

**I'd also like to thank the countless reviewers out there. You all loved this satire and made me happy and proud to put in the hard work and long hours every week to make sure this was updated every Friday. I'm not going to bother naming all of you as I honestly wouldn't know who to start with or who to say did more than anyone else.**

**You've all been there to cheer and root me on and I even remember times when I fell asleep at 2 A.M. after cleaning up every edit and then seeing people had reviewed an hour later.**

**You laughed at my jokes, told me I was king of the world, but at the same time you never hesitated to talk serious with me about something you think I did wrong. I still get waves of reviews from people catching up on each chapter, telling me they love all my jokes and were shocked they didn't notice what I caught. But they all tell me how Aang's headband in Book 3: Chapter 2 was his belt, so it made sense that the other kids all had one.**

**Honestly, if any of you are ever in the San Diego, California area, drop me a line. I'd love to meet you face-to-face.  
><strong>

**For all the shots and quips I've sent at Mike DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, better known as 'the spirits who control the fates,' I love 'em for what they've done. I hope they follow through with Legend of Korra, if for no other reason than that I'd like to see a third Avatar series. Same goes for anyone and everyone who worked on the Avatar series.**

**Before I roll the closing message one final time, I want to give a special thanks to Sokka. Because this was the best steak I've ever had.**

**That's all for the series, folks. Hope you enjoyed it and I thank you for reading:**

**What SHOULD have Happened in Avatar the Last Airbender**


End file.
